Before I Break

If I Break #1.5

by Portia Moore

Out of the past six years of my life, I only remember about half of it. After a dozen doctors and thousands in medical bills, I was diagnosed with a rare neurological disorder--one that causes me to lose track of time. Sometimes it’s hours, days or even weeks with no recollection of anything. The good thing is it's been almost two years since I had my last ‘black out’. It sounds much better than what the doctors refer to them as, 'episodes', like my life is a freakin' comedy.

During those two years of normal, I finally managed to get my Bachelor’s degree, a job I love, and I’ve just proposed to a woman who has been there for me through it all. For the first time in a long time everything is on track.

Until a strange woman shows up at my door—she says I'm her husband and I think she’s crazy. Until, I get a voice mail on my phone. It’s from a guy name Cal. The weird part is, it’s the same name the strange woman called me. What terrifies me, is this guy Cal…his voice sounds just like mine.

Genres: Romance, New Adult, Contemporary, Contemporary Romance, Novella, Mystery, Mental Illness

118 pages, ebook

First published September 5, 2014

About the author

Portia Moore is an Amazon and iBooks bestselling author of romantic suspense, including the popular If I Break series, the Her series, and the Collided series, which combined have sold over one million copies across all platforms. Located in the chilly Midwest, her favorite vacations are anywhere that's hot and sunny with a beach, reading the same kind of heart-pounding, twisty, edge-of-your seat romantic thrillers that she loves to write. When that's not possible, she loves drinking wine, cooking (also with wine) and spending time with her little family of one human child and two furbabies, one that barks and one that meows.

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Reviews

[Dilek VT · Rating 5 out of 5]

4,5 stars rounded up to 5

Book 1,5 "Before I break" is a novella that tells the events that happened at the end of Book 1 from the hero's point of view as Book 1 was from the heroine's point of view only.

Now, the missing pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together. We grasp more of the truth in this novella that complements Book 1 in the best way.

It is short (85 pages).



This book helped me to love the hero and it is a miracle since I hated him %90 of Book 1.





Writing:

This is written in the first person point of view (the hero's).

The writing is talented and it makes you feel.

If only there weren't so many editing mistakes. It really spoils the reading experience. (hence -0,5 point)

Now I am starting the next book... my heart thump thump thump....


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[Sandee is Reading · Rating 5 out of 5]

First and foremost, I would like to thank Portia Moore for generously providing me this novella for review, in exchange for an honest review. And boy, this review would be as honest as it gets.

"Upset, doesn't explain this. My life has been a lie. I don't have a life.

Okay before I start this review, I just want to point out... How much that guy from the cover looks exactly like Cal in my eyes. Nice choice for a cover! :) *drool*

Okay. So back to the review.

I didn't think this novella would bring tears to my eyes. I didn't see it coming. I didn't see my heart breaking, not only for Lauren and Cal, but also for Chris.

What a freakin' mess the whole situation was!

Lauren.
Cal.
Chris.
Jenna.

None of what's happening are their fault, somehow, I felt that it's mostly Chris' parents, but.. anyway... everything's just unfortunate. I'm just happy that book one, didn't end on that note. I am so happy there will be book 2!



If you haven't read If I Break yet, then this review might contain slight spoilers. But I would try to do the best I could, to not spoil you guys.

Like I said on my review of the first book, the revelations on what was happening to Cal was something I wasn't expecting. It was a total shocker! I felt bad, not just for Lauren, but for everyone involved in this whole chaos. Even Chris' fiance Jenna, I've learned to understand where she was coming from. On the first book, I hated her (even when none of this was her fault either), but I understood her side on this book.

Before I Break, is told in the POV of Chris. Chris was... so nice. It was amazing how nice he was. I mean nice as in good, in every fucking way. He doesn't swear. He's down-to-earth, without any hint of arrogance to him. He lived simply and loves deeply. Cal, on the other hand, I think inherited the not so good side. Cal may not be as perfect as Chris, but the good side of him came out when he met Lauren. Cal was arrogant and confident, qualities that Chris lacked. But the thing they have in common, was how much they were willing to sacrifice everything for love.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with this... if I even can but I'm willing to try because of that little girl in that picture. I'd do anything for her, including giving up the only person I've ever been in love with..."

Are you guys curious yet?
I'm sure you guys are.
To bad I'm not gonna tell. I'm not gonna spoil anything. I promised.
But I want to tell... But I couldn't... I want you guys to experience the mindfuck that I had, while guessing what was happening to these couples. It's all very new.

If you guys are pretty curious, please go and grab the first book, and then dive into this tiny novella that you could read in one sitting. But don't be fooled, it may be small, but the emotions that you will get between the pages will seem real and raw.



Oh dear. What else could I say?

GO AND READ THIS!

If you're tired of the typical romance where the good girl falls for the bad boy that most romance novel has nowadays, then I definitely recommend you to read this.

[Wil Loves Books! · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely liked this one so much more than If I Break. Chris’ POV was so much better than Lauren’s. This plot is so freaking intriguing. I couldn’t wait to keep reading it and trying to figure out all the secrets and also how this will end! It’s hard to get into details without giving the plot away, but it’s so good.

If you like audiobooks, this audio is narrated by my favorite audioporn Zachary Webber and it’s absolutely perfect!

[Jessica ❥Chatterbooks Book Blog❥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard for me to rate novellas, but I'll go with a 4 for now. There was a lot of repetition in this one just from an alternate point of view. That being said, I love that we got that point of view. I hope we get Cal's in future books. I'm so excited about this series! I have a feeling it will be a 5 star series overall. Moving on to book 2!

[вιвℓισρнιℓια {кιηgѕℓєу & ѕøяєη ƒσяєνєя} · Rating 4 out of 5]

....

What would you do when faced with a life who never knew you had? When you were told you were 2 separate entities? That everything you ever knew and trusted was a lie? How would you cope? What would you do? ... loved Chris's POV, so sad and confusing. Can't wait to see more.

[Rin W. Vitale · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't know if i should hug you or kick you in the balls..

[Lisa (Two Bookish Brits) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my gosh, this series is beginning to break me. Chris’ POV is heartbreaking. Going through something as insane as this must be terrifying and then there’s his daughter too, what a cutie. I like that he’s stepped up.

I’m so glued on this series and I can’t wait to see what happens in the next book.

Im seriously hoping a visit from Cal is on the horizon, I wanna see what that would be like in this too.

[Farah · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fantastic read from Chris POV!!!
I LOVE love LOVE this series!!!

[Jacqueline]

Wow that was a short read. I was expecting this - book 2 in this series - to move the story on a bit, but it doesn't really. This is about adding layers of understanding and offering a fresh perspective. This time the fp narrator is Chris, so there are some eye opening New insights, but we're no further forward in time than we were at the end of the last book.

There's quite a bit of repetition in the scenes from the first book, something that was probably more noticeable because I've read both books in the same day (and even I can't forget something that quickly). I can't lie, that repetition did bug me a little bit in places, but I was kind of fascinated with Chris, or rather, Chris' 'voice'.

The author totally nailed the individual character's voice in this - Chris, Cal and Lauren are distinct characters and the fp narrative felt authentic and really enhanced what could have been a deja vu story into something special. Once again I was gripped by this and I have struggled to put this down.

This one is nowhere near finished and I still have lots of questions so I'm now looking forward to getting some answers and moving forward. I know how I want this one to be resolved, but this story has been full of surprises so I'll try to keep an open mind.

[Karla✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ahhggggg el libro desde el punto de vista de él fue Ahhggggg ya me imagino lo que voy a sufrir con esta historia 😭.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe I should've waited to read this but I couldn't. So, now I'm sitting here crying again. This is such a sad story. I really fell in love with Chris and I miss Cal SO MUCH.

You'd think after feeling that choked up feeling for two books in a row that I'd need a break but no, I'm diving right into the next one now.

[Christine Alibutud · Rating 5 out of 5]

Note: I received an ARC in exchange for a review. Also, if you haven't read the first book, this review may contain a few spoilers.

"Things happen sometimes, where things just don't turn out how you hope. Or plan for."

Just when I thought this installment will feed me my much needed answer to that cliffhanger of the first book, turns out I was entirely wrong. Before I Break left me wanting more, and by more, I mean MORE! It left me hanging worse than the first installment, and needless to say, this was just as heartbreaking as the first one. Although, it was much more enlightening since this book makes use of Chris' POV. Also, it starts off just days before Lauren pays Chris--rather 'Cal'--a visit (This scene can also be read in the first book, but in Lauren's POV). You get to understand better the story through Chris' perspective, and some questions that I've raised in the first book were also answered when I read this.

"She turns around and her eyes lock onto mine. They're bright, hazel, almond shaped and won't let go of me, ethereal, wide and almost haunting. They make me feel like I've seen her before, or known her forever but that's impossible. She's not someone I'd forget. Too beautiful to be forgotten."

In the first book, it was already established that Chris has what we call Dissociative Identity Disorder or DID.

"Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID), previously referred to as multiple personality disorder, is a dissociative disorder involving a disturbance of identity in which two or more separate and distinct personality states (or identities) control an individual's behavior at different times."

We get to see how Chris never knew he had this type of disorder because his parents didn't tell him. I understood better how he thought he only had like simple and temporary black-outs or some kind of amnesia effect. In this, we also see how he deals on coping with the knowledge that he has DID, and how he tries to face all the consequences of what has become of his disorder.

"Chris and Cal share the same body, but- The person you met today is Chris, not Cal. That’s the reason why he reacted the way that he did. He truly doesn’t know who you are. Cal is a separate personality from Chris."

Chris now tries to get to know who is this other alter of him, named Cal. He first hears him through a voice message.

"I replay the message again and again. My hands won't stop shaking. The scary part is, this is the second time today I've heard the name Cal. But, what terrifies me is the voice in the message is mine."

I'll stop babbling about the story so as not to spoil the other good stuff BUT OMG! I so feel the pain of Lauren! How it hurts to be forgotten by someone you love--rather, someone you thought you loved. She fell in love and married someone who is not entirely "whole" and "real". Also, I really feel bad for her whenever she looks at Chris like Cal, but Chris doesn't really return her looks at the same way.

"When you look at me...it’s as if I’m a burden...a problem, and you have no idea how much that hurts."

Add to the fact that Chris is in love with someone else and plans to marry another girl named Rachel. Yep, pretty much painful for Lauren.

"...You have his smile, his voice, his eyes...when I look at you...I can’t help but see him. And it hurts knowing that you weren’t the one who stole my heart when you first smiled at me, who took me bungee jumping on our first date, that you weren’t the one who told me I’m the only woman you have ever loved. But you’re...you’re not him, and you’re in love with someone else."

I really learned to love Cal in the first book, and you bet I was super upset when I learned that he wasn't really "his own self". BUT! I can definitely say I also learned to love Chris here. He wasn't what I first pictured in the first book, and I understood him better, especially through his POV. He was actually nice, sweet, thoughtful, and caring. But the thing about him that I like the most is that he was willing to take hold of his responsibilities, especially being a father to his daughter, Caylen.

"She lets go of Caylen's hand and she makes her way over to me and looks up with the same magnetic pull her mom has. She's smiling and I'm in love."

I really loved this book, especially its concept! I guess my only main issue about this are the grammatical and spelling errors, although I do understand those mistakes since I have the ARC version. Aside from that, everything else was on point for me!

AHHHH! But I am kind of conflicted with the romance part!! I mean, Rachel seems like a kind girl for Chris...but how about Lauren? I really ship her with Cal...but Chris is also Cal. And Lauren and Chris really seem to also hit it off at some point...SO HOW?! I guess I just have to wait for the next book! 4.5/5 stars for this one!

"I will do everything in my power to make sure I never hurt her like that. I can't be who she wants me to be but I'll be the best man that I can, that, I know how to be."

[☮ mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

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Okay ... I read this one in one sitting because I was so excited to get my hands on the wonderful novella !! seeing the event through Cal / Chris point of view was essential to finally understand everything that was going on while Lauren was confronted with the surreal situation ( her husband is now a "perfect" stranger )

We can see where Chris is coming from, we read about his doubts, his fears and his struggle to find his way. & WE LOVE HIM for it.

I didn't like Jenna very much but her presence was important, it showed how Cal / Chris is feeling... kudos to P.Moore for making her 3 dimensional and avoid the classic villain girlfriend stereotype !!


I missed Lauren a little but I know we will have our fix in the sequel ( I cannot wait for it to be released !! )


What the author achieved here is pretty interesting because this could have easily become grotesque ... but she managed to portray realistically the abyss that is mental illness and to give her readers a compelling and memorable "love" story but I WILL be honest:

CAL / CHRIS + Lauren 4ever ;)

I need them to find their HEA because their journey is a real emotional roller coaster
so DO NOT hesitate pick up this book and enjoy it because you won't be sorry
Cheers
got a RAC against my honest opinion
xo

[Brit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you to the lovely and amazing author for an ARC copy of Before I Break

Rating: 5 stars
Cover: 10
plot: 9
hero: 9
heroine: 6
series: yes
POV: 1st (chris's pov)

If it couldnt get any better. this series is just heartbreaking. this was in chris's POV only and my god I fell in love with him. more than I did in the first book and I cant wait for book 2.

You know that book that stays with you even after you finished it. well Before I Break is it. I read this novella in one day.. basically two hours tops but I was so engrossed it took me on a roller coaster of feelings.

It was just a well written beautiful story that is just captivating from the very first page. I can go on and on really about how this book just mad me weep like a little girl but it I do, I just might weep again..

I know its hard to write about mental illness because you have to do a lot, and I mean A LOT of studying on the illness but Portis Moore did one amazing job. She writes with passion and I love that because that's why her stories are always amazing, she gives the readers what they want. And that is a novel that takes them out of their lives and make them step in the characters shoes. We crave to step in the characters shoes. And Portia does just that with this story

[Viri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Yep... ya está lista la reseña COMPLETA, o sea... de toda la serie jajaja en el blog, la hice en una porque me los leí de corrido. :D jajaja
http://www.virivillarreal.com/2016/11...

Y como no se en cual libro poner el link... creo que lo pondré en todos jeje.
Por cierto, en cada reseña aquí en GR dejó algo relativo solo al libro :)

Pues siendo sincera... podría habérmelo pasado Haha porque solo narra la historia desde el punto de vista del protagonista así que no hay nada nuevo. También sirve para conocer mejor a Jenna que creo será fundamental en El Segundo libro. Por lo pronto continuo está historia. Ya muero por saber en qué termina!!!

[Zairobe25 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pues por andar de fisgona al leer esta sinopsis sin haber leído el primer libro pude básicamente adivinar de que iba esta serie, sin embargo igual disfruté la lectura, ya sabia que pasaba pero no como pasaba y yo quería saberlo. En el libro anterior sólo conocemos el POV de Lauren, en este conocemos el POV de Chris, y se siente mucho la ausencia del POV de Cal, es el que podría ofrecer mas explicaciones y en este libro ni rastro de el.

[Nancy❤The❤Bookaholic · Rating 4 out of 5]

~~4 stars~~

wow!!!

[Terri (N.J.) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I almost passed this novella up and I'm so glad I didn't because I loved it!! it was so nice getting Chris's pov on certain things especially when he meets Caylen. I have more questions that need to be answered so I can't wait to move on to the next book. This storyline seems to get more and more in-depth as it goes along. I'm very intrigued.

[Booktastically Amazing · Rating 3 out of 5]

The grammar in this series keeps getting worse and I'm still hooked- what kind of witchery IS THIS

[Sashoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

*ARC given to me for an honest review.

Okay so I had to read the synopsis of the second book before writing my review because as far as a side note/in-between book goes, it was well done. I just had to make sure that that was what it was, I thought there would be more and was slightly disappointed that there wasn't.

For those who don't know this book focuses on Chris's POV for the second half on If I Break, a couple of days before Caylen's birthday up to when Lauren shows up at his door all batshit crazy and whatnot.

SPOILERS IN PLAIN SIGHT - If you've read the first book then you're good, if not, what are you doing? Turn around!

I loved being in Chris's head, seeing Chris's side of things, and those instances where Cal popped up (leaving that snide message (hilarious), the little twinkle in his eye that Lauren sees when Chris meets his daughter for the first time? Genius. I was like "I remember that instance from 'If I Break'" seeing how that affected Chris however briefly was insightful and I liked it.

Since this book was a half-way point to the second in the series, it was short which is a good thing, bad for me since I was really hoping to see what happens next, you know after the crazy Lauren debacle but this was better, we got a closer look into DID, Chris's reactions and emotions and a better less crazy look at Lauren. I still think she's stupid for blindly marrying and having a child with someone who obviously kept secrets from her and she didn't push him but she doesn't come off that way in Chris's version of things, somehow someway she has (insinuated at least) that she has a deeper connection with Cal than we're led to believe.

The thing that knocked me back the most, Lauren is an artist? Either I don't remember that in the first book because she just dropped everything to be a housewife or it was so insignificant then that her inability to do anything with her time when Cal is gone blinded me from the fact that she did finish school and did get a degree in something she's just not putting it to use and then she gets pregnant so what's the point right? Either way, I went through the rest of 'If I Break' thinking Lauren was a useless whiny woman, but now my perception of her has changed, a little, I am nervous to see her POV in 'Almost Broken' though.

Prediction: I predict that Cal and Chris will be integrated as one.

All in all, it was a good addition to the first book. The only problems with it, spelling, grammar, and that portion of Crestfield whatever not that I skipped over and didn't feel like was important but who knows maybe I'll realize the error of my ways come the second book.

[Michelle "Chelle" Thompson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it!! For a novella and supplement to If I Break it is awesome. Chris is perfect. To me his feelings and reactions are genuine. I loved that even though to him he didn't know Lauren, he still felt protective of her and you could still feel that there was a bond of some degree. I felt that Chris's POV just added to the anticipation for the next book and what is going to happen between Lauren/Chris/Cal. I really like Jenna's character. Again, her feelings and reactions seem real and genuine. I will say, it also made me want to know Cal's POV. As a whole, I absolutely love it and think it's a great addition to the story.

[Misty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so fangirling right now. I didn't like Cal until the end of the first book but now I understand that he had no control over the things I was so disappointed about. Now I'm so looking forward to the next book. I love this series so much. I want him and Chris to find a way to be one. I just want Lauren to be happy. I think she loves him so much more than Jenna ever could. If Chris would just get to know her. He would love her as much as Cal does. Best of both worlds.

[Carol***BeautyandtheBeastlyBooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Portia Moore is one of the amazing gems I found this year and I'm so happy I have given her books a try!!
I LOVED this novella and I can't wait for book 2 now!!!
I'm in love with Chris now and I didn't like him very much in book 1!!
Portia's writing is insane! It's so good and grips you from page one until the last!!!

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I WANT MORE!!!!

[Tina · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this series!

[Nicole*bookaholic* · Rating 5 out of 5]

So this recaps book 1 in Chris' pov. Starts when after Cal leaves Lauren. I do think you should read this one in order.

[Kelly (the book hussy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

**ARC was gifted in exchange for an honest review**

I was so excited to start this novella! I read this in one sitting and now I'm itching to get my hands on the next book.

Book one leaves us with a whopper of a cliffhanger. you're not exactly sure "who" you're seeing the first time Chris meets his daughter.

this novella still ends where book one ends, but we get to experience it all through Chris's eyes. I loved being in his head. The lost time and clues left behind? the little tid bits and flashbacks? the mystery conversations with Dexter??
This opens up an entirely different perspective and I loved it!!

I cannot wait for this story to unfold!

[Dai · Rating 4 out of 5]

Chris es dulce... pero sigo amando a Cal.

Releído en agosto 2016 para el Club de lectura BC

En este libro vemos la otra cara de la moneda, conocemos todo el sufrimiento de Chris al enterarse de su enfermedad, lo vemos lidiar con eso y tratar de equilibrar la vida que conoce con aquella que creo Cal.

Detesto a los padres de Chris/Cal, aunque su madre sea cariñosa y todo eso ellos son los únicos culpables de que las cosas llegaran tan lejos. Lo mejor hubiera sido decirle la verdad a Chris.

Cal es mi adoración, aunque amen verlo como el malo en realidad no lo es. Tiene muchas cosas buenas y su amor por Lauren no se puede negar.

4/5 (me faltó más de Cal para darle un cinco)

[Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought that this book might be a prequel, but it is not. It picks up only a couple of days before Lauren showed up at Cal's family farm.

This book is all in Chris' POV which I love. We get more of an insight on how he is coping with DID and it fills in the missing two years of Cal's disappearance.

It is not a long novella, but it is very important to the series. And you will just fall in love with Chris and watch him grow.

Highly recommend this series.

[Teilah Fox · Rating 3 out of 5]

A Nice little follow up & point of view from Chris

I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of Cal & and there are more secrets to come to light.

Seriously can not wait for the next one :) :)