The Pleasers: Women Who Can't Say No-And the Men Who Control Them

by Kevin Leman

Book by Leman, Kevin

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Social, Psychology, Womens

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1987

About the author

Dr. Kevin Leman, an internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology. The best-selling and award-winning author has made house calls for hundreds of radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, The Today Show, Oprah, CBS's The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN's American Morning, and LIFE Today with James Robison, and he has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America. He is the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. Dr. Leman is also a charter faculty member of iQuestions.com. He has written over 30 best-selling books about marriage and family issues, including The Birth Order Book and Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage. Dr. Leman and his wife, Sande, live in Tucson. They have five children.

Connect with Dr. Leman on:
BirthOrderGuy.com
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Reviews

[Melodie Norris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow I am not as big a pleaser as some women! And i thought I had problems….
Kevin Leman is great.

[Valerie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was for women who try to please people...but really, it's for women who try to please their controlling husbands. Men who do not lead, but walk all over their wives and then wipe their feet on them. I am blessed to have the exact opposite of a controlling husband. In fact, I didn't fully appreciate how wonderful he was until I read this book. He is thoughtful, nurturing, loving and helpful. He apologizes and is constantly working on being a better Christian - and that's the secret. He doesn't try to please me, but rather, he strives to please God. This means he pleases me, too, though! As I seek to please the Lord, I will in turn please my husband.

Dr. Leman presents his scale - a pyramid of pleasers - which is interesting. We all should be pleasers, but we should be "positive pleasers". I have some work to do, but I mostly fall into the positive pleaser category.
This book has some good quotes and helpful advice. I especially appreciated his common sense approach to why all people should reserve the sexual relationship for marriage only. Yes, the Bible teaches it, so that's enough, but it's good to know the other practical benefits of choosing purity. I love Dr. Leman's books - he's humorous and easy to read.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am definately one! Working on it!

[Sheyna Galyan · Rating 2 out of 5]

The author is adamant that all women who are pleasers have some sort of unresolved "daddy issues." Very Freudian.

[J. Pennington · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only knocked off one star for personal reasons--about half the book was about dealing with super controlling husbands, and I don't have that issue myself. However, I think those sections would be super helpful to women in that situation! And the rest of the book was just what I've been needing to hear. It gave me a lot to think about and work on in this area.

[Rubina · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really insightful book...Dr Leman sheds light on why it is difficult particularly for women to say "no", hence, the term "pleasers". Often this is done in order to keep the peace, but from the case examples that Dr Leman shares, when he delves deeper into the upbringing and relationship these women have with their parents, in particular their father, there are usually clear patterns that emerge...a childhood with a domineering or absent father or one in which these women have been conditioned to be nice. Even our birth order, first or only child, middle child and last child impacts and determine how much of a pleaser we turn out to be. While "our grain" (like the grains in a piece of wood) cannot be changed, we can change of behavior and how we choose to react to external stresses and controllers. Although the book does get a little preachy at some parts, it should not take away the many other good points of the book.

[Meghan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love, love, LOVE reading anything by Dr. Leman! His style of writing is fabulous and laugh-out-loud funny, but that doesn't mean he's not teaching you something and all women would do well to listen to him. His self-assessment quizzes really made me think about the kind of life I have been leading and the consequences I reap from saying "yes" too much. I truly enjoyed learning about "No! Power" and "Choice Power" and I can't wait to implement these ideas into my life.

Dr. Leman's writing is always a quick read for me but I am always wanting more. I see him as a teacher who enriches lives and will continue to do so for generations to come. I'll admit that I was pleasantly surprised at how well he communicates with women considering he is a man, but sometimes that outsider's perspective is EXACTLY what we need! I look forward to learning more from him as I continue to read his work.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Determining motivations, adjusting expectations of myself and others, realizing that respecting myself doesn't have to mean disrespecting others.....these were all good lessons I learned from one of my favorite authors in this book. Not as self-centered as the title may imply.

[IrenesBookReviews · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was helpful. He helps you better understand your personality. He also gives helpful ways to teach yourself to say no and not be upset about it. You can enjoy life and people without always saying yes!

[Charlie Richmond · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and helpful in many ways but he is advocating a very standard 50s type of marriage in which the woman pleases the man, stays home and looks after the kids and the guy is still a controller.

[Kurtamyd · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this book and I don't care if that pleases you or not!

[Tiffany Oliveira · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book and couldnt put it down. Wonderful advise!

[Faith Farris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book, but I think I would've enjoyed it more if I had a bigger problem with being a pleaser and was married.

[Corinne Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't stop making lists of people to lend it to!!