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El sutil poder del abuso espiritual: Cómo reconocer y escapar de la manipulación espiritual y de la falsa autoridad dentro de la iglesia
Ninguna persona deberia marcharse de la iglesia por sentirse manipulada, controlada, humillada o condenada. En esta obra descubriras como identificar a la iglesia abusiva y tambien como liberarte de su legalismo destructivo."
312 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 1991
224 people are currently reading
1363 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 152 reviews
November 15, 2012
I read this book several years ago. Literally it saved our family! The title may scare some people away. As Christians, we don't want to think that abuse happens in the church, but it is alive and well. We think any book that speaks of psychology must be wrong; therefore, many won't read this book. This book is gracious. The authors realize they are dealing with wounded people. "The results of spiritual abuse are usually the same: The individual is left bearing a weight of guilt , judgement or condemnation and confusion about their worth and standing as a Christian." (p. 22)
It is split in three sections: how to identity spiritual abuse, abusive leaders and their techniques, and post-abuse recovery.
Some questions to ask yourself about the church you attend. Do you see any of the following characteristics? power posturing, performance occupation (obedience and submission to authority are stressed constantly), unspoken rules (can't talk rule-if you address the problem, you become the problem), extreme objectivism or extreme subjectivism. If so, I urge you to read this book.
This book points readers back to Christ and what He has done for the believer. Spiritually abusive systems say (whether spoken or unspoken) that one must earn their acceptance with God. Shaming and guilt are their tools.
The book has helpful diagrams and charts for those of us who are visual.
A great follow-up to this book is "Soul Repair" by the same author. It focuses on the spiritual rebuilding process that is necessary once one realizes the abuse; otherwise one is prone to just fall into again in another context.
Read this book!
It is split in three sections: how to identity spiritual abuse, abusive leaders and their techniques, and post-abuse recovery.
Some questions to ask yourself about the church you attend. Do you see any of the following characteristics? power posturing, performance occupation (obedience and submission to authority are stressed constantly), unspoken rules (can't talk rule-if you address the problem, you become the problem), extreme objectivism or extreme subjectivism. If so, I urge you to read this book.
This book points readers back to Christ and what He has done for the believer. Spiritually abusive systems say (whether spoken or unspoken) that one must earn their acceptance with God. Shaming and guilt are their tools.
The book has helpful diagrams and charts for those of us who are visual.
A great follow-up to this book is "Soul Repair" by the same author. It focuses on the spiritual rebuilding process that is necessary once one realizes the abuse; otherwise one is prone to just fall into again in another context.
Read this book!
October 20, 2016
I highly recommend this book for those who have been wounded by the church and who need God's healing, and also for those in any position of leadership. (Although I don't know that manipulators will recognize their behavior, because so often they have the best of intentions and sincerely believe that their way is the right way.) This book covers warning signs such as: authoritarianism, lack of accountability, an us-versus-them mentality, an attitude of group superiority, and labeling those who disagree. This is not a book that feeds a victim mentality, but frees by helping us recognize the dynamics and subtleties of abuse. Openness and honesty help us recover from emotional and psychological manipulation and avoid inflicting this type of abuse on anyone else. This book is scripturally solid, and gives helpful counsel.
Spiritual abuse is particularly difficult to recover from, because the manipulator is acting as a representative of the very one we need to trust in order to be set free.
Jesus said:
Come unto me.......and I will give you rest.
Why do we say:
Come to me.....and I'll give you a test.
Spiritual abuse is particularly difficult to recover from, because the manipulator is acting as a representative of the very one we need to trust in order to be set free.
Jesus said:
Come unto me.......and I will give you rest.
Why do we say:
Come to me.....and I'll give you a test.
August 12, 2008
Spiritual manipulation, control and abuse is indeed a very deceptively and intricately woven web designed for entrapment. It is amazing how subtle this type of manipulation, control and abuse can be, how difficult to spot and even more difficult to break away from or get others to recognize it fow what it is - abuse of power in a spiritual leader. Reading this book can be like installing a Spiritual Carbon Monoxide Detector in your heart and mind. You may not need it, buy boy are you glad you installed it when it goes off!
July 3, 2010
If all churches required their Sunday school teachers, elders, deacons, pastors, assistant pastors and congregations to read this, just think of the pain and damage that would be avoided.
As a youngster, I was in a church where the pastor used brow-beating as his whip of choice. Coming from a household where yelling and anger was common, this subtlety caused corrosion that lasted well into my adult years.
Sadly, even when the church this particular pastor 'ran' slowly rotted and died, he just moved on to another in a nearby town.
It's a shame that an individual can be ordained in a church, be given the title pastor/preacher/minister and think that they are qualified to provide guidance and counseling.
This book does a great job of outlining the types of abuse, how the abuser develops / is created and a section on post-abuse recovery.
"Straining Gnats, Swallowing Camels". A 17 year-old was disciplinarily dis-fellowshipped for "lack of attendance" (though they were in full church attendance away at college). Though published in 1991, still a great book on this subject. If you know of a better one, I sure would appreciate the information.
"The Weight of Religion". Ever hear of the Bill Gothard Basic Life/Youth Seminars? Is the goal to call people in and keep them in, "whether or not they are finding life there?"
I've had a website since 1996 for those beaten up in the church. This book and "Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded?" by Carlson are two that have been very helpful.
Read this book to avoid being robbed of your spiritual joy.
Read this book to avoid being one of who create wakes of destruction or ripples of damage.
As a youngster, I was in a church where the pastor used brow-beating as his whip of choice. Coming from a household where yelling and anger was common, this subtlety caused corrosion that lasted well into my adult years.
Sadly, even when the church this particular pastor 'ran' slowly rotted and died, he just moved on to another in a nearby town.
It's a shame that an individual can be ordained in a church, be given the title pastor/preacher/minister and think that they are qualified to provide guidance and counseling.
This book does a great job of outlining the types of abuse, how the abuser develops / is created and a section on post-abuse recovery.
"Straining Gnats, Swallowing Camels". A 17 year-old was disciplinarily dis-fellowshipped for "lack of attendance" (though they were in full church attendance away at college). Though published in 1991, still a great book on this subject. If you know of a better one, I sure would appreciate the information.
"The Weight of Religion". Ever hear of the Bill Gothard Basic Life/Youth Seminars? Is the goal to call people in and keep them in, "whether or not they are finding life there?"
I've had a website since 1996 for those beaten up in the church. This book and "Why Do Christians Shoot Their Wounded?" by Carlson are two that have been very helpful.
Read this book to avoid being robbed of your spiritual joy.
Read this book to avoid being one of who create wakes of destruction or ripples of damage.
June 22, 2012
Reading this book has confirmed to me that the ministry which sponsored the Christian high school that I attended qualifies as spiritually abusive. Reading this book has also made me doubly thankful for the grace of God.
Aside from some light criticisms I have regarding sloppy copy editing, my only other critique is that there are a few points which could have been fleshed out. It seemed in some places that differing points of view were not taken into account. On the whole, however, this book is helpful and informative.
Aside from some light criticisms I have regarding sloppy copy editing, my only other critique is that there are a few points which could have been fleshed out. It seemed in some places that differing points of view were not taken into account. On the whole, however, this book is helpful and informative.
Read
October 27, 2025This book was personally very helpful and healing. However, its application and writing deals with more than just spiritual abuse. I fear that some types of people will be turned away from the title: 1)people who don’t believe there is such a thing as “spiritual abuse,” 2) people who believe spiritual abuse exists, but don’t think they’re in a context where it would come up, and 3) people who may think this is only a book written only for lay people. Realistically, though, this is a helpful read for anyone who is involved with churches, and it can be an encouragement both to those in the ministry who endure spiritual abuse from their congregation and to people in the church who endure this trial at the hand of those in leadership. The authors look carefully at some of the dynamics that are often common in legalistic, conscience-binding situations that can turn into being spiritually abuse. Also helpful is the pointing out of how it is easy to fall into perpetuating such situations without realizing what one is doing.
My husband read this book this past April, and I concur with his assessment: “This is one of the best books that I’ve ever read in its class. Perhaps that’s just because it was personally therapeutic, or maybe it’s because it’s an exposé of the widespread tendency toward abuse among conservative and very conservative Christian subcultures.”
My husband read this book this past April, and I concur with his assessment: “This is one of the best books that I’ve ever read in its class. Perhaps that’s just because it was personally therapeutic, or maybe it’s because it’s an exposé of the widespread tendency toward abuse among conservative and very conservative Christian subcultures.”
March 25, 2022
A shockingly accurate description which takes the veil off of unrighteous leadership and makes it easier to recognize and address. A must read.
December 25, 2025
I don’t think I can adequately express just how important the message of this book is. I started this book because I was feeling the need to zoom out once again and examine what spiritual abuse really is and looks like. I wasn’t expecting it to be almost entirely about the subtleties of what legalism actually is and how it operates. The authors are both very knowledgeable, gentle, and fair, but most importantly grounded in a real, living relationship with God.
Even if you have not experienced full or extreme spiritual abuse, this book is absolutely invaluable. It will shed light on personal, institutional, or relational patterns that are not altogether rooted in grace and it may shock you just how many are all too familiar. I feel the urge to get every Christian I know to read it. If you read this, I hope you find healing and rest in ways and places you didn’t think possible.
Even if you have not experienced full or extreme spiritual abuse, this book is absolutely invaluable. It will shed light on personal, institutional, or relational patterns that are not altogether rooted in grace and it may shock you just how many are all too familiar. I feel the urge to get every Christian I know to read it. If you read this, I hope you find healing and rest in ways and places you didn’t think possible.
February 20, 2020
Helpful. A must-read for church leaders. Would not be a waste of time for church laypeople, either.
January 17, 2023
This book was co-authored by Johnson and VonVonderen, and as best as I could tell, the parts written by VonVonderen (the counselor) were worth five stars, and the parts written by Johnson (the pastor) were worth three stars.
First, I really appreciated the attitude with which these men approached the issue. Much of what I have read and heard on spiritual abuse has not been filled with grace. It has been ranting and complaining. The whole book is gracious but direct, and they make a point of saying that we all need to be careful lest we fall into these same patterns. If you are in a spiritually abusive system, don’t use this book as an excuse to lash out at the abusers.
The parts on the philosophy and characteristics of an abusive system were fantastic. It is so easy to fall into the trap of focusing on a believer’s behavior rather than focusing on his relationship with God which will out pour into godly living. Even if you know that the relationship with God is most important, you have to be careful not to look on the outward appearance.
I am pretty certain these men have a Calvinistic bent, although it was not extremely obvious in the book. They also apparently don’t believe in rewards in eternity: “How many teach that Jesus’ promise if rewards was more than just entry into heaven or dismissal into hell, but a better place in some eternal hierarchy.” Some exegesis was spot on while other passages I would like to hear a more thorough explanation of how they arrived at that interpretation. One thing I did appreciate was the emphasis on reading the entire context and not just looking for verses that suit your point. I loved their definition of true authority (repeating what God has actually said) versus postured authority (do what I say because I’m the Pastor).
Overall, I would recommend this book, especially to someone in a spiritually abusive situation.
First, I really appreciated the attitude with which these men approached the issue. Much of what I have read and heard on spiritual abuse has not been filled with grace. It has been ranting and complaining. The whole book is gracious but direct, and they make a point of saying that we all need to be careful lest we fall into these same patterns. If you are in a spiritually abusive system, don’t use this book as an excuse to lash out at the abusers.
The parts on the philosophy and characteristics of an abusive system were fantastic. It is so easy to fall into the trap of focusing on a believer’s behavior rather than focusing on his relationship with God which will out pour into godly living. Even if you know that the relationship with God is most important, you have to be careful not to look on the outward appearance.
I am pretty certain these men have a Calvinistic bent, although it was not extremely obvious in the book. They also apparently don’t believe in rewards in eternity: “How many teach that Jesus’ promise if rewards was more than just entry into heaven or dismissal into hell, but a better place in some eternal hierarchy.” Some exegesis was spot on while other passages I would like to hear a more thorough explanation of how they arrived at that interpretation. One thing I did appreciate was the emphasis on reading the entire context and not just looking for verses that suit your point. I loved their definition of true authority (repeating what God has actually said) versus postured authority (do what I say because I’m the Pastor).
Overall, I would recommend this book, especially to someone in a spiritually abusive situation.
March 16, 2021
Excellent.
What's maddening is that this book was published in 1991, and if you stop to imagine "what could have been?" instead of the past thirty years that we got instead, scandals, abuses, domineering leaders, in a word Jesus and John Wayne. Oh well -- a new generation of Christians and churches have the chance to recognize these dynamics, and create healthier more grace-filled places. This is a great place to start.
What's maddening is that this book was published in 1991, and if you stop to imagine "what could have been?" instead of the past thirty years that we got instead, scandals, abuses, domineering leaders, in a word Jesus and John Wayne. Oh well -- a new generation of Christians and churches have the chance to recognize these dynamics, and create healthier more grace-filled places. This is a great place to start.
January 20, 2025
I highly recommend this book to any Christian that is seeking to understand, heal from, or prevent spiritual abuse (how awesome would it be if this were required reading in seminaries/church programs). The authors are astute and compassionate in their assessment of how spiritual abuse occurs within churches and counsels readers on how to break free from manipulation and control to restore a healthy relationship with their faith, church, and families.
I like that the authors used plenty of biblical evidence to support their points, but I would've also appreciated more scientific evidence as well; it would've been interesting to see how the literature corroborates biblical insights in regards to developing and maintaining a balanced relationship with spirituality.
I like that the authors used plenty of biblical evidence to support their points, but I would've also appreciated more scientific evidence as well; it would've been interesting to see how the literature corroborates biblical insights in regards to developing and maintaining a balanced relationship with spirituality.
February 21, 2020
Excellent. An important and helpful book on a sobering topic.
July 21, 2009
Spiritual Abuse--the manipulation of a religious seeker by one in spiritual authority--is a force in modern Christianity to be reckoned with. Few religious figures have discussed it. It's a bit of a skeleton in the closet, or a family shame. But tens of thousands have fallen prey to the subtle power of spiritual manipulation and abuse, whether financially (think Jim Bakker in the '80's), sexually (FLDS Compound), emotionally (Jimmy Swaggart's tearful plea for his throne) or physically (Waco, Texas). My examples are derived only 50% from Christian incidents, but this book discusses the sin and destruction of megalomaniac leadership from a Christian perspective. It digs deep, and it leaves nothing wanting.
To acknowledge spiritual control and manipulation itself is a landmark. But to offer healing and hope from it brings the resolution few have ever achieved. As a victim of spiritual manipulation and abuse myself, I found this extremely beneficial and effective to help me overcome my predilection to throw out the baby of church attendance and fellowship with the bathwater of corrupt leadership. David Johnson's gentle and honest teaching carries this difficult discussion in a way few others could pull off.
This book is another must-have for anyone who has spent years in organized religion. Few realize they tolerate an abusive system while they are in it, and this book opens eyes without destroying trust in the ultimate leader, the Good Shepherd.
To acknowledge spiritual control and manipulation itself is a landmark. But to offer healing and hope from it brings the resolution few have ever achieved. As a victim of spiritual manipulation and abuse myself, I found this extremely beneficial and effective to help me overcome my predilection to throw out the baby of church attendance and fellowship with the bathwater of corrupt leadership. David Johnson's gentle and honest teaching carries this difficult discussion in a way few others could pull off.
This book is another must-have for anyone who has spent years in organized religion. Few realize they tolerate an abusive system while they are in it, and this book opens eyes without destroying trust in the ultimate leader, the Good Shepherd.
August 4, 2016
I found this book to be so personally helpful that I've already been recommending it to family members. Before I started reading, I was uncomfortable with the use of the word "abuse," but the book illuminated the complexities of this issue that make "abuse" a legitimate term. As with any problem area, there are, of course, differing levels of abuse, ranging from words and insinuations to full out physical abuse. With my background of extremely conservative fundamentalism, the book was most eye-opening for me in the ways that legalism is an abuse of scripture that lays burdens on church members that Christ never intended for his followers to bear. It is a testament to how ingrained that mode of thinking is/was for me that I really never saw that as an abuse of scripture. How freeing--therapeutic--it is to look at the issues in a fresh, new light and to let go of some of that old guilt. This book also opened up my compassion for people enduring even more severe abuses of power and authority in their churches--and made me again more thankful for the place in which I find myself today.
I would recommend this book for anyone from a fundamentalist background, or anyone that finds himself uncomfortable with the authority being pushed on him from his church's leadership. And if you're like me, suffering from guilt over "performance" issues, this book is for you.
I would recommend this book for anyone from a fundamentalist background, or anyone that finds himself uncomfortable with the authority being pushed on him from his church's leadership. And if you're like me, suffering from guilt over "performance" issues, this book is for you.
August 20, 2012
The title of this book turned me off but it was recommended on a list of top ten favorite books of folks I respect. That being said I like how one reviewer wrote the following... pretty much sums it up...
"The book talks about churches having inverted values. They focus a lot of energy on smaller issues while ignoring larger ones. Spiritual relationships should bring peace, not shame. That isn't to say that everyone will always get along and there will never be conflict. It becomes abusive when you aren't permitted to talk about the problems without being shamed or viewed as rebelling against the church. It's sad that most of the people who are spiritual abusers think they are doing right and have no idea of the long term hurt they are causing. I highly recommend this book to church leaders and those involved in ministry."
"The book talks about churches having inverted values. They focus a lot of energy on smaller issues while ignoring larger ones. Spiritual relationships should bring peace, not shame. That isn't to say that everyone will always get along and there will never be conflict. It becomes abusive when you aren't permitted to talk about the problems without being shamed or viewed as rebelling against the church. It's sad that most of the people who are spiritual abusers think they are doing right and have no idea of the long term hurt they are causing. I highly recommend this book to church leaders and those involved in ministry."
April 21, 2009
I grew up in a spiritually abusive church, with a pastor who was on a "mission" to save souls. He was not there for his congregation, he was there for himself. (Much like the people who continue to knock at my front door to this very day.) It was not until years later that I understood no man can "save" anyone's soul.
This book touched me very deeply; I would have to say in a most profound way, as it spoke directly to me about my own situation vis-a-vis organized religion in general, and the Evangelical Christian Church in particular.
I recommend it highly to anyone who has ever attended a church and asked questions, only to be rebuffed and told to "sit back down" -- or worse, much worse.
This book touched me very deeply; I would have to say in a most profound way, as it spoke directly to me about my own situation vis-a-vis organized religion in general, and the Evangelical Christian Church in particular.
I recommend it highly to anyone who has ever attended a church and asked questions, only to be rebuffed and told to "sit back down" -- or worse, much worse.
July 25, 2021
It's a good intro to the concept of spiritual abuse from a biblical perspective. As a former Apostolic Pentecostal, I wish they had delved deeper into how abusive legalistic churches can be and what legalism looks like.
I was thoroughly disgusted by the statement that the best thing for women in abusive relationships to do is to stay in the relationship, at a distance if that's safest, and try to work things out according to the law. Right. Because a woman who has been physically and emotionally assaulted and abused should stay with her perpetrator because that's the "godly" thing to do. Good grief.
It's a blatantly conservative book with a traditionalist to social issues, but I think it's a good jumping off point for people suffering from spiritual abuse within the church.
I was thoroughly disgusted by the statement that the best thing for women in abusive relationships to do is to stay in the relationship, at a distance if that's safest, and try to work things out according to the law. Right. Because a woman who has been physically and emotionally assaulted and abused should stay with her perpetrator because that's the "godly" thing to do. Good grief.
It's a blatantly conservative book with a traditionalist to social issues, but I think it's a good jumping off point for people suffering from spiritual abuse within the church.
May 12, 2025
Once upon a time - like three minutes ago - "spiritual abuse" didn't seem to exist as a term. Most considered it to be "good discipleship" to pressure believers with threats of hell, side eye for differing applications, and not toeing the line. Spiritual abuse wasn't clearly identified, and the victims were legion.
Now, it sometimes seems that the term is thrown around at everyone and everything. As a pastor, many have asked, and I have asked myself, "What is spiritual abuse?" This book - the "original, groundbreaking resource" - does the trick.
Rather than some dense doctoral thesis edited into an inaccessible book for academics, this is a warm, gracious, and ultimately useful resource for those in the church.
Now, it sometimes seems that the term is thrown around at everyone and everything. As a pastor, many have asked, and I have asked myself, "What is spiritual abuse?" This book - the "original, groundbreaking resource" - does the trick.
Rather than some dense doctoral thesis edited into an inaccessible book for academics, this is a warm, gracious, and ultimately useful resource for those in the church.
April 26, 2020
This book helped me after fleeing my church that me and my husband served at and we’re both heavily involved with for years. I knew I had pushed who I was away to give to the cause but instead it made me less of who God made me to be. I was extremely hurt and carried so much shame for simply being myself. The past few years have been healing and this book helped to open my eyes to things that I had already felt in my heart the whole time. It’s hard to see you’re in a church with cultish behaviors until you leave. It’s hard to know you’re being abused until you leave. Thankful for material like this to help me not feel alone and to help sift through the good the bad and the ugly.
March 5, 2019
This book is hit and miss. Some chapters are absolutely brilliant and apply to all religions. It is most valuable when it focuses on systems that are abusive, rather than born-again Christian theology.
February 13, 2018
"If the spiritual relationships you have in Jesus' name don't give you rest, but rather make you more tired as time goes on, then they aren't representing Jesus' purpose accurately. He came to lift from the backs of tired people the burden of trying hard to earn God's approval."
This book was recommended to me at exactly the right time (thanks, Rachel!). My formative teenage years were spent being drawn into legalistic Christian systems, and my biggest church influences during that time were very focused on the external application of God's standards as they interpreted them. The process I went through to shed those influences is too long to write here, but in the end I had to tear down almost everything I believed about God's character and relearn who He really is. During all the time that I was living the "perfect" Christian life externally, I struggled to truly love people, and I don't know that I really believed that God loved me. As much as I tried to please him, I still felt He must be dissatisfied with me.
I was so surprised when I moved back into mainstream evangelical circles to run into what seemed like legalism 2.0. Instead of measuring how long your hems were, you were being judged by the length of your Bible study. How many theology books you were reading. How submissive you were. How committed you were to the church. Every Sunday there seemed to be more promptings to analyze our shortcomings and realize how disappointing we are to God. It was tempting for me to think that it was just my problem -- that I was so "damaged" by my legalistic past that I was just overly sensitive to anything that reminded me of it.
This book was a breath of fresh air for me, because it makes clear that unhealthy patterns of spiritual "mis-"guidance can appear in any setting. It lays out how spiritual abuse can occur, what it looks like, how the Bible can be used to beat down people, and how to renew your thinking when you realize you've been weighed down with burdens you're not called to bear. I also appreciated how it addresses those who are misusing their spiritual authority -- it acknowledges that most of the time those leaders aren't trying to break down their people but may be caught in unhealthy patterns themselves. Nonetheless, it doesn't downplay the seriousness of how improper spiritual authority can damage peoples' relationship with God.
"The bait in a spiritually abusive system is the promise of a relationship with God, rest for the soul, forgiveness of sins, and nothing less than a brand-new identity in Christ Jesus. And best of all, it's free. It comes by grace through faith.
The switch takes place when, upon arriving, we receive a heavy load of new rules and external performances to live up to. We still hear words and sing songs about grace and life, but there seems so little of the genuine article. There is no life-giving reign of God, only a substitute God who suddenly demands a great deal of activity from us to 'prove' we are 'worthy servants'. In fact, God-talk is used to drive people. We end up with a facsimile of what we came for."
I bookmarked so many passages and will be using it as a reference often. I only had one big complaint about the book: I wish the title was different. I truly believe this book would benefit anyone who has resonated with the first paragraph I wrote. But I'm afraid some wouldn't even pick it up because of the title -- maybe they don't even believe spiritual abuse is a real thing. Or that it surely wouldn't apply to their "normal" church. Regardless, this is a necessary book and an important resource for anyone connected with conservative church culture.
This book was recommended to me at exactly the right time (thanks, Rachel!). My formative teenage years were spent being drawn into legalistic Christian systems, and my biggest church influences during that time were very focused on the external application of God's standards as they interpreted them. The process I went through to shed those influences is too long to write here, but in the end I had to tear down almost everything I believed about God's character and relearn who He really is. During all the time that I was living the "perfect" Christian life externally, I struggled to truly love people, and I don't know that I really believed that God loved me. As much as I tried to please him, I still felt He must be dissatisfied with me.
I was so surprised when I moved back into mainstream evangelical circles to run into what seemed like legalism 2.0. Instead of measuring how long your hems were, you were being judged by the length of your Bible study. How many theology books you were reading. How submissive you were. How committed you were to the church. Every Sunday there seemed to be more promptings to analyze our shortcomings and realize how disappointing we are to God. It was tempting for me to think that it was just my problem -- that I was so "damaged" by my legalistic past that I was just overly sensitive to anything that reminded me of it.
This book was a breath of fresh air for me, because it makes clear that unhealthy patterns of spiritual "mis-"guidance can appear in any setting. It lays out how spiritual abuse can occur, what it looks like, how the Bible can be used to beat down people, and how to renew your thinking when you realize you've been weighed down with burdens you're not called to bear. I also appreciated how it addresses those who are misusing their spiritual authority -- it acknowledges that most of the time those leaders aren't trying to break down their people but may be caught in unhealthy patterns themselves. Nonetheless, it doesn't downplay the seriousness of how improper spiritual authority can damage peoples' relationship with God.
"The bait in a spiritually abusive system is the promise of a relationship with God, rest for the soul, forgiveness of sins, and nothing less than a brand-new identity in Christ Jesus. And best of all, it's free. It comes by grace through faith.
The switch takes place when, upon arriving, we receive a heavy load of new rules and external performances to live up to. We still hear words and sing songs about grace and life, but there seems so little of the genuine article. There is no life-giving reign of God, only a substitute God who suddenly demands a great deal of activity from us to 'prove' we are 'worthy servants'. In fact, God-talk is used to drive people. We end up with a facsimile of what we came for."
I bookmarked so many passages and will be using it as a reference often. I only had one big complaint about the book: I wish the title was different. I truly believe this book would benefit anyone who has resonated with the first paragraph I wrote. But I'm afraid some wouldn't even pick it up because of the title -- maybe they don't even believe spiritual abuse is a real thing. Or that it surely wouldn't apply to their "normal" church. Regardless, this is a necessary book and an important resource for anyone connected with conservative church culture.
February 12, 2020
Nonfiction books, especially Christian nonfiction, are notorious for suffering from over inflation. The author has a good idea and everyone says, “Write a book about that.” So the process begins. However, there isn’t enough for a WHOLE book. So there is some extra inflation that has to happen. The belief is that customers won’t spend money on a small book; they want a “book sized book.” As a person who reads a lot of nonfiction books, I have accepted this fact. I don’t agree with the premise. I would buy a book if it were 25% smaller if it meant I wasn’t rereading things three times in different arrangements. I’ve come up with strategies to overcome this nagging issue. I’ll skim the rest, I’ll quit once I get the gist, I’ll dump it if even the main stuff isn’t worth reading.
So I knew that Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse would have some of this unnecessary fluffing. BUT, this book was different because the material was SO good, I didn’t mind rereading things. This isn’t a perfect book. There is that fluffiness going on. And the third part - the “what do you do next?” - was disappointing. However, even in that frustration, there were still enough glittering gems to make it worth it. A book of this quality should only be 3 starts; a book of this value deserves 5 stars.
I grew up as a Christian: Christian school, church several times a week, Christian music, Bible studies, all the checkboxes marked. I was taught - and I grew to expect - that this covering with Christianity would lead to a great life. A purpose-driven life. My best life. All the book titles. Instead, at 45 years old, I battle depression and feel like I am stuck in a world that I hate being in. I have trouble finding a church. I don’t have local friends. I’m not even spinning my wheels. The car is sitting in the front yard rusting, like so many in my town.
There have been some books that changed my life. This goes onto that list. As I read the descriptions of what a victim of spiritual abuse looks like, I felt like someone had been doing a Truman Show style observation of my life. The stories sounded like my stories. The charts looked like someone just filled in my struggles. It was a painful book to read because it ripped me open. There is always that warning to be careful if you keep pushing for answers because you may not like the answers you find. Yup. Several times I sat there shellshocked as I realized the implications of what I was reading.
After finishing, I’m not sure what to do next. Like I said earlier, there is only minimal suggestions offered for what my next steps should be. It took over forty years for me to get to this point; I can’t expect things to be fixed overnight (as much as I would like that). It feels like a Matrix-type experience. I took the pill and things can never be the same. What would it look and feel like to NOT have to battle all of the burdens, voices, struggles? I have no idea. And, truthfully, I don’t know if I want to know. It is terrifying. I kind of feel like those freed from Shawshank prison. I’ve been given freedom, and I don’t know what to do with it. That is how world-shattering this book is. I think anyone who claims to be a Christian should read it. I would say it is imperative to anyone in ministry. You will be shocked at what you find. So be ready.
So I knew that Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse would have some of this unnecessary fluffing. BUT, this book was different because the material was SO good, I didn’t mind rereading things. This isn’t a perfect book. There is that fluffiness going on. And the third part - the “what do you do next?” - was disappointing. However, even in that frustration, there were still enough glittering gems to make it worth it. A book of this quality should only be 3 starts; a book of this value deserves 5 stars.
I grew up as a Christian: Christian school, church several times a week, Christian music, Bible studies, all the checkboxes marked. I was taught - and I grew to expect - that this covering with Christianity would lead to a great life. A purpose-driven life. My best life. All the book titles. Instead, at 45 years old, I battle depression and feel like I am stuck in a world that I hate being in. I have trouble finding a church. I don’t have local friends. I’m not even spinning my wheels. The car is sitting in the front yard rusting, like so many in my town.
There have been some books that changed my life. This goes onto that list. As I read the descriptions of what a victim of spiritual abuse looks like, I felt like someone had been doing a Truman Show style observation of my life. The stories sounded like my stories. The charts looked like someone just filled in my struggles. It was a painful book to read because it ripped me open. There is always that warning to be careful if you keep pushing for answers because you may not like the answers you find. Yup. Several times I sat there shellshocked as I realized the implications of what I was reading.
After finishing, I’m not sure what to do next. Like I said earlier, there is only minimal suggestions offered for what my next steps should be. It took over forty years for me to get to this point; I can’t expect things to be fixed overnight (as much as I would like that). It feels like a Matrix-type experience. I took the pill and things can never be the same. What would it look and feel like to NOT have to battle all of the burdens, voices, struggles? I have no idea. And, truthfully, I don’t know if I want to know. It is terrifying. I kind of feel like those freed from Shawshank prison. I’ve been given freedom, and I don’t know what to do with it. That is how world-shattering this book is. I think anyone who claims to be a Christian should read it. I would say it is imperative to anyone in ministry. You will be shocked at what you find. So be ready.
June 2, 2025
Wow! This book validates a lot of my feelings. Spiritual abuse is real and more widespread than I have ever imagined.
I left a toxic church culture after several years and many near and dear to me are still there. This book has validated a lot of things I have felt both during and after my seventeen years in the environment.
Please know you are not alone and there are resources out there if you or someone you know are going through something similar. Please don't give up on God ❤️ It's a process but I'm now really beginning to understand Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery".
Definitely a must read! Hope this book helps you on your journey like it has mine!
I left a toxic church culture after several years and many near and dear to me are still there. This book has validated a lot of things I have felt both during and after my seventeen years in the environment.
Please know you are not alone and there are resources out there if you or someone you know are going through something similar. Please don't give up on God ❤️ It's a process but I'm now really beginning to understand Galatians 5:1 "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery".
Definitely a must read! Hope this book helps you on your journey like it has mine!
February 18, 2017
I do not agree with everything in this book (why do I feel the need to say that about spiritual books? You never agree with everything in a book, and that's ok!) But I thought it was an interesting look at how authority is wielded in churches, how it can hurt people, and what the Bible has to say about it. I think it would be a very worthwhile read for anyone in leadership or ministry.
February 23, 2024
A book that can only be written from countless hours of study, conversation, engagement, and observation. I’m so grateful to David and Jeff for this clear, concise book.
I especially appreciated the part at the beginning where the term “spiritual abuse” was defined with biblical examples, stories, and teachings. It made a great case that although the phrase “spiritual abuse” may be new, the concept was understood and spoken of in the Bible many times.
I especially appreciated the part at the beginning where the term “spiritual abuse” was defined with biblical examples, stories, and teachings. It made a great case that although the phrase “spiritual abuse” may be new, the concept was understood and spoken of in the Bible many times.
December 10, 2020
A must-read for anyone who attends church, shepherds and sheep alike.
January 3, 2024
This book was Bible based evidence for dealing with primarily, legalistic churches.
November 20, 2024
I highly recommend this book to all Christians! 💯 Not only are we all prone to a performance mentality in order to "earn God's favor," but we are also just as likely to try to control and enforce others' behavior. 💔
With love and compassion, the authors seek to help us rely on the good news of Christ to heal the broken, lift up the fallen, strengthen the weak, and give rest to the weary. 🙌 Using Jesus and the apostles as examples, they show us how to confront evil with grace and truth and how to "fight" in the Spirit. 🙏
With love and compassion, the authors seek to help us rely on the good news of Christ to heal the broken, lift up the fallen, strengthen the weak, and give rest to the weary. 🙌 Using Jesus and the apostles as examples, they show us how to confront evil with grace and truth and how to "fight" in the Spirit. 🙏
December 27, 2020
A very important read for everyone, especially anyone contemplating being in ministry.
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