Otoczeni przez kłamców

by Thomas Erikson

Otoczeni przez kłamców Dlaczego często łatwiej jest skłamać niż wydusić z siebie prawdę? Czy szczerość się jeszcze opłaca? Dlaczego chęć przypodobania się innym zwycięża nad prawdomównością? Jak wytłumaczyć to, że czasami sami wolimy być okłamywani? Thomas Erikson, autor bestsellerowych poradników z serii „Otoczeni przez…”, tym razem zgłębia psychologiczne powody, dla których kłamiemy. Czy robimy to, by przedstawić siebie w lepszym świetle? Aby zdobyć krótkotrwałe pochwały? A może istnieją znacznie bardziej złożone i tajemnicze przyczyny tego, że tak często mijamy się z prawdą? Korzystając z bardzo prostego, choć przełomowego czterokolorowego modelu ludzkich zachowań, Erikson pokazuje, jak demaskować oszustów, których spotykamy w życiu prywatnym i zawodowym, oraz jak sobie z nimi radzić. Analizuje, w jaki sposób kłamstwa wpływają na nasze relacje, i dostarcza praktycznych narzędzi do ich wykrywania. Poradnik pełen inteligentnego humoru i mądrości, będący nieocenionym źródłem wiedzy dla każdego, kto chce czuć się bezpiecznie w świecie, w którym rozpoznanie prawdy staje się wyzwaniem. Tł Justyna Kwiatkowska

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Personal Development, Relationships, Personal Growth

320 pages, Paperback

Published September 24, 2024

About the author

Thomas Erikson is a behaviourist and the bestselling author of the Surrounded by- series about human behaviours.

The series, has been translated to close to 60 languages and has sold over 8 million copies.

His mission is to make people’s lives easier by making them more aware of themselves and help people to a better understanding of what it takes to achieve the best possible communication.

He is a highly sought-after public speaker with 120 keynotes yearly on topics such as human behaviours, self-awareness, , narcissism, and leadership.

He lives by the simple but useful quote:
You can’t change somebody else, but you can change yourself.

Thomas was writing for twenty years before finally getting published. Being an author was his dream in life, so he never gave up. Instead he tested new ideas, tweaked his writing style, learned new skills, asked professionals, worked from 03.00 in the morning for years.

No one really believed in his writing ambitions, so he had to believe in himself.

Nowadays Thomas is Sweden’s most translated author still active. Only Selma Lagerlöf and Astid Lindgren has been translated into more languages.
He has until today published twelve books – half fiction and half non-fiction – and he will continue to write as long as he breathes.

He lives on the countryside in Sweden with his wife Christina, Sweden’s biggest romance author, he runs a family business that provides online courses and master classes on all the topics he writes about in his books.

Fun fact: Thomas is a true anglophile. He is a passionate gardener, loves topiary: if he could wear tweed the full year he would. And he is s collector of old Land Rovers.
Some of them works, most of them don’t.

Reviews

[Linden · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author has some interesting things to say about lies and liars. Why do people lie? Do we all lie? Is a so-called white lie or a sin of omission to save someone's feelings any different from a blatant self-serving lie? Recommended to anyone who enjoys reading about human behavior. Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for the ARC.

[Chelsea Reining · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thanks to NetGalley for the Audio ARC!

2.75/5 stars

This was just okay....it spent most of the book talking about the types of lies, who is most likely to lie, and the situations that garner the most lies....all of which was fairly common sense. And another good portion was spent referencing Erikson's other books...which is fine some but this was enough that it was a turn off. The last 15% or so was really quite interesting, and honestly I enjoyed the appendix more than the book itself.

I think if you need a super easy non-fiction for any reason, this is a good candidate - but if you want something really impactful or thought-provoking....keep moving.

[Leonidas · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am being HONEST when I say this really wasn't an interesting read. The other two books I've read by Erikson (Idiots, Narcissists) were interesting, but this one was mostly vapid. I know a writer has to make a living, but I hate to see writers start churning out just about anything and hoping that their reputation will make it stick.

[Junimon 💚 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy book to read. Finished it on the plane.

[elentiya · Rating 4 out of 5]

really interesting - and took me wayyy too long to finish. while i rlly liked it - i think i'd like his other books better. lies are interesting - but my favorite part was definitely learning about narcissists and psychopaths - as well as learning about different colors lying. i need to read his first one bc i wanna figure out which colors i am - bc i definitely am not just one

[Ms Preece · Rating 2 out of 5]

Did not enjoy this. I loved his other books” surrounded by idiots and “ surrounded by psychopaths”, but this was uninspiring.
He spent too long trying to define what a lie and truth is and rambling on.
Do not recommend.

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this one but there was not much new info here. I definitely fall more into the camp of Immanuel Kant when it comes to lying - we have a duty to tell the truth even if it leads to harmful consequences. I especially love his view that lying by omission is unethical, as it manipulates the agency of other people; by withholding information, we tamper with other people's ability to make informed decisions. The consequences of which are no better than lying.

I did appreciate his point that lying requires a credible strategy. To lie, you have to be clear about the truth - I took the money - before you can construct a plausible lie - someone else took the money, maybe Roger. Real lying isn't an accidental act, it's a fully conscious one that requires energy.

I did learn in this book that Elie Wiesel's Foundation for Humanity lost about $15MM to Bernie Madoff, which was interesting considering I read "Night" while reading this one.

Overall, there was a lot of emphasis on the DISC personality assessment and lots of headings in each chapter which made for a choppy reading experience. I thought the info was interesting but wish the author had gone a bit deeper.

[Stacey (Bookalorian) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished Surrounded by Liars written by Thomas Erikson and here are my thoughts….

Have you ever wondered how to spot a liar? This is the next installment in the surrounded by idiots series… yep you read that right!!

Do you like to get your knowledge with humor? This is the book for you.

This book will help you deal with liars in your life. It will help you identify and navigate the world in such a way you will find your inner peace again.

I loved the writing style. Everything is set into very short little sections and its easy reading. This book has a ton of sticky notes in it now. I have pretty much annotated the whole thing and I have been nudging people to check this out.

Imagine being able to spot the deceitful and learn how to move past them and keep your zen… It’s helped me a ton already so that's a win win for me.

5 stars. Brilliant! I definitely needed this book.

Thank you @stmartinspress for my gifted copy

[Racheli Zusiman · Rating 4 out of 5]

עוד ספר בסדרת "מוקף ב..." של תומס אריקסון. הספר הזה מוקדש לשקרים ושקרנים, ועוסק בשלל נושאים בתחום זה, כגון: המניעים לכך שאנו משקרים, כיצד לזהות שקרנים, כיצד לספר שקרים אמינים, כיצד לנהוג אם אנחנו מגלים שמישהו שיקר לנו, התייחסות לשימוש בסטטיסטיקה כדי להונות, ועוד ועוד. יש גם התייחסות לתורת ארבעת הצבעים (מודל דיס"ק) ומה מאפיין כל צבע בתחום - מה הנטייה של כל צבע לשקר וכיצד כל צבע מתנהג אם גילה ששיקרו לו. הספר גם כולל סיפורים על שקרנים ונוכלים מפורסמים כמו נוכל הטינדר, ברני מיידוף, ביל קלינטון, ריצ'רד ניקסון ועוד.
ספר שכתוב מצוין וממש מעניין לקריאה.

[Max Volbeda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another good book by Thomas Erikson. Interesting in-depth subject and clear explanation as always. It's a shame that the cover is the same color as surrounded by vampires. Anyway, that must be my autistic trait...

[Roos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wat is de Waarheid spreken? Is de waarheid: áltijd eerlijk zijn? Of waarderen we die collega met af en toe een leugentje om bestwil? Dit komt immers minder hard over. Wat zijn achterliggende motieven om te liegen/dingen weg te laten/ gedeeltelijk eerlijk te zijn? Leukste boek in deze reeks!

[Dana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Are you finding it harder and harder to figure out what's fact or fiction in today's world? Erikson's 'Surrounded by Liars' is an interesting exploration of deception in human interaction. While some concepts seem repetitive, the audiobook's narration makes it a compelling listen. David John did an excellent job. This could easily have been read like a textbook but he was lively, interesting, and kept the pace up nicely. His delivery and engaging tone kept me hooked, even though I typically end up listening to nonfiction audiobooks at a faster speed. The self-evaluation questions were difficult as I was often listening in the car and couldn't take score easily, they still made me think about how I would handle the situations presented. As far s the subject matter, I was particularly interested in the descriptions about how the various DISC communications styles lie and react to liars. I know the DISC results for several of my friends and coworkers and what Erickson described rang true to me. Overall, this is a valuable resource for anyone seeking to improve their ability to discern truth from falsehood and take stock of how much lying, they, we, do in our daily lives.

I was able to access this audiobook through NetGalley and chose to leave a review.

[itsoniacastillo · Rating 1 out of 5]

Aunque el autor intenta basarse en el marco de los cuatro colores de personalidad, ya explorado en su libro anterior (Rodeado de Idiotas), esta obra parece ser una repetición diluida del mismo concepto, sin aportar nada nuevo ni significativo a sus lectores.

Erikson no profundiza en los mecanismos reales de la mentira ni en estrategias concretas para evitarlas o manejar a individuos manipuladores. Sorprendentemente, ni siquiera menciona al perfil mentiroso compulsivo.

La obra tiende a simplificar excesivamente la complejidad del comportamiento humano y la falta de profundidad y contenido relevante la convierten en decepcionante para aquellos que buscan herramientas prácticas para mejorar sus relaciones personales. En resumen, más ruido que sustancia.

[Alise]

laikam gaidīju kaut ko citu. par garu. patīk runas veids un pēdējā nodaļa (vai drīzāk pielikums) gan bija ļoti interesanta

[Ray Carroll · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as part of an early giveaway. I'm going to dive right in and say that this book definitely helped me self-reflect.

The author notes that everyone lies. It's important to understand why we are lying. This book launched me on a journey of reflection on some of the lies I have told to myself and others. It uses the DISC paradigm (which he uses in previous books) to help guide the reader along and make sense of personality and the relationship between people and their lies.

Some of the helpful ideas include how to spot a lie, what to do instead of lying (half truth vs. full truth), the value of telling the full truth, a test for gauging if you're a liar, examples of lying in media, and lying in relationships. The author is engaging and also has a bit of a dry sense of humor which may or may not appeal to the reader.

Definitely a book to add to your shelf if you've ever wrestled with the truth or if you are looking for insight on how to better understand truth and lies in others.

[iisabellllle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Love the concept but this was too shallow and unsophisticated - lots of description and not enough provocative analysis or diagnosis. I also am v scared of people who colloquially throw around psychiatric terms like “psychopath” or “narcissist” or even worse “toxic”

[Jennifer Reid · Rating 1 out of 5]

As someone who is certified in DISC, I have a high bar for books that claim to offer insights into human behavior, particularly when it comes to understanding liars. Unfortunately, this book didn’t meet that standard.

First, it feels out of touch. The author fails to mention any of the significant events from the past few years that have dramatically changed our understanding of truth, misinformation, and deception. Most of the examples in the book of infamous liars are more than decades old (using Watergate as an example, seriously?!), and the personal stories the author shares don’t resonate because they lack context. Without knowing the people involved or the circumstances, it’s hard for the reader to relate or care.

The book also presents a very oversimplified version of lying. The author spends nearly 40% of the book—about four chapters—giving shallow explanations of what lying is and why people do it. It reads like filler, stretched out just to meet a word count, without offering anything substantial. There’s nothing fresh here, just a rehash of old ideas that add little to the current conversation on deception.

For those unfamiliar with DISC, this book does them no favors. The way the author uses the framework is so broad and vague that it doesn’t help the reader see any real patterns or insights. Instead of a thoughtful application, DISC is reduced to a handful of categories that lump people together in ways that just don’t make sense. Anyone looking to understand DISC in a meaningful way should look elsewhere.

The most frustrating part is the lack of credible research. The author frequently refers to studies that he “can’t remember” or admits there is “no scientific evidence” to back up his claims. This is highlighted by quotes like: "My own thesis, which I can’t present any actual data to support, is that…” followed shortly by “however, as I mentioned, I have no scientific evidence to support this idea…,” and then concluding with, “What I gave you just now was more or less a description of myself.”

These kinds of statements make the whole book feel like a half-baked personal opinion rather than a well-researched work.
Ironically, the best part of the book is in the appendix. This section contains much more practical advice and insights—so much so that it feels like the first eight chapters could’ve been cut entirely. It’s almost as if the author found an old draft of a book from 2015, dusted it off, and added the appendix to make it seem more relevant. The rest of the book feels recycled and stale, with chapters that seem to repeat content from the author’s previous works.

In summary, this book doesn’t deliver. It lacks depth, relies on outdated examples, and misrepresents DISC in a way that’s not helpful. Readers deserve better research, clearer insights, and more up-to-date content—especially in today’s world. If you’re looking for a book that truly explores why people lie, this isn’t it.

[Jill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thomas Erikson has spent his life studying human behavior. He is a consultant, bringing his ideas to companies across the world. In his first book in this series, Surrounded by Idiots, he introduced four personality types, and through seven books, he’s stuck with these personalities and encouraged readers to use his ideas to get along better with bad bosses, narcissists, setbacks, energy vampires, lazy employees, idiots, and now, liars.

But the problem with being surrounded by liars? Chances are that you are a liar too. Most of us are. But there are differences in how often we lie, the types of lies we tell, and the reasons we have for lying. Erikson breaks all this down, using his personality traits as well as stories about real-life liars and the consequences of their actions.

In Erikson’s world, there are 4 main personality types (although keep in mind that most of us are a combination of these traits). There is the dominant personality, which he designates as red, the yellow is inspiration, green is stability, and blue is conscientiousness. Since each of these personalities value different things, they have their own reasons for choosing a lie over the truth. Some do it to get ahead, others do it to smooth things over in a relationship. And they all react differently to being lied to.

Most of us are willing to tell a little white lie about a family member’s new haircut, or a friend’s dress, or the boss’s new car. These are lies where the consequences of telling the truth would probably be worse than lying. But all lies can potentially erode away at trust and damage the relationship. And while we may not all become as deceptive as Richard Nixon, Bernie Madoff, or fake heiress Anna Delvey, we have to know that there can be consequences to any lie. And while most of us probably won’t find ourselves in prison or having to step down from a political office due to our lying ways, we still have to face up to the lies we tell and deal with the lies we are told. And Surrounded by Liars will help you understand the lies, spot the liars, and make smart decisions about the truths you tell.

I was fascinated by Erikson’s Surrounded by Liars. This is not the first book in the series that I’ve read, so I was familiar with this personality breakdowns going in. He doesn’t go into as much depth in this book about them, so if that’s something you’re interested in, I’d suggest you go back to start with Surrounded by Idiots to get a deeper look at those. But if you’re interested in deception in general, then this is an amazing book to devour. I loved how he brought in modern liars and their stories and shared his own feelings on lying and the choices he makes in his own life. Anyone hurt or confounded by a liar will find understanding and thoughtful compassion in this book.

Egalleys for Surrounded by Liars were provided by St. Martin’s Essentials through NetGalley, with many thanks.

[J Kromrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this eARC in audiobook format.

Thomas Erikson’s latest audiobook, “Surrounded by Liars,” is a compelling exploration of deception, however, some of the early info (at least the first 6 chapters) provided common sense info and outdated info, odd because in our current political climate we have liars in the highest political US roles who have been undermining our trust and faith (with lies) in everything from voting to how our top doctors should have handled the pandemic!

I found this audiobook provided a few ideas/tools I can use in my work and home life, however it was too simplistic and there are better (more advanced books on this subject, most of us who purchase books of this type are well aware of the different kinds of liars, ONE short chapter with current examples from the past decade (blended with supporting scientific information) should replace the first 6 chapters).

Narrated by David John, this audiobook offers some practical advice and Erikson’s signature humor, making it informative yet engaging.

Erikson delves into the psychology of lying, using his well-known four-color behavioral model to help listeners identify and deal with the liars in their lives.

This book is structured to provide actionable strategies for recognizing and responding to deceit, regardless of where you encounter it.

Each chapter builds on the previous one, creating a comprehensive guide for understanding and combating dishonesty.

David John’s narration is a highlight of this audiobook. His clear and expressive voice brings Erikson’s insights to life, making complex psychological concepts accessible and easy to follow.

John’s pacing is excellent, maintaining listener interest throughout the nearly 11-hour runtime.

Erikson’s writing is sophisticated and approachable. He balances scientific explanations with relatable anecdotes, ensuring that the content is educational and enjoyable. His use of humor lightens the heavy subject matter, making the book a pleasant listen despite its serious themes.

Although I highlighted a few problems with this book, I did find it interesting and, I just liked the last half of the book better than the last half.

“Surrounded by Liars” is a resource for those looking to understand human behavior and protect themselves from deception, and are new to the subject matter.

Erikson’s expertise in behavioral science shines through once again in this enjoyable book.

[Jackspear217 · Rating 3 out of 5]

W swojej najnowszej książce Thomas Erikson bierze na tapetę kłamstwo, a dokładniej kłamców, przez których jesteśmy otoczeni, bo jak mawiał dr House "wszyscy kłamią", z czym zgadza się autor. Poznajemy dokładną anatomię kłamstwa, tego jakie ma odcienie, dlaczego go używamy zamiast postawić na szczerość i jak ono ma wpływ na nasze relacje, te osobiste i biznesowe. Podobnie jak w poprzednich poradnikach szwedzki pisarz robi to w oparciu o model DISC, który w prosty sposób tłumaczy ludzkie zachowania i typy osobowości, co ma także zastosowanie, kiedy mówimy o prawdzie czy jej zniekształceniu. Erikson daje konkretne przykłady jak rozpoznać fałsz, jak się przed nim chronić, stawiając na zdrowe wzorce, ale wie, że czasem bycie prawdomównym jest niewskazane czy wręcz niemożliwe. Robi to z humorem, ale i wiedzą z zakresu psychologii komunikacji społecznej, sprawiając, że jego rady mogą się nam przydać w każdej sytuacji. Bardzo ciekawa jest końcówka książki, gdzie autor zwraca nam uwagę na kłamstwa i dezinformację związaną z nowymi technologiami cyfrowymi, z czym wcześniejsze pokolenia nie miały styczności, a które niosą z sobą wiele zagrożeń wcześniej niespotykanych, mogących wpływać nawet na tak poważne rzeczy jak czyjaś kariera czy wynik wyborów prezydenckich. Jak przekonuje nas Szwed szczerość jest wyzwaniem, które nie zawsze nam się opłaca, ale uważa, że warto znać mechanizmy przez które czasem lepiej nam skłamać niż wydusić z siebie prawdę, także po to, by wytłumaczyć sobie świat i innych ludzi, a nawet to, dlaczego czasem sami wolimy być okłamywani. Cenna wiedza, przydatna lekcja. Serdecznie polecam!!!
Za książkę dziękuję @wielkalitera

[Adelyne · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars.

I'm generally a fan of the Surrounded by- series, yes they do get repetitive, and sometimes the colour classification is over-generalised, but overall I do find it helpful. Mainly because I think I can see people in the different colours, and advice in Thomas Eriksen's previous books in this series I have found useful in my day-to-day interactions and handling interactions with people that I used to find difficult (and I now understand better what makes them click and what they don't mind).

The frequency at which new books in the series come out is generally good, by the time a new one is out, it is about time I need a reminder of the concepts anyway so I don't find the repetition irritating. There's usually a theme - lying in this case - to add a new angle to the existing books, and this one was well-worked. I thought there was a bit too much filler about the more subtle aspects of lying, e.g. when asked "how are you", where an untruthful "I'm fine" is less of a problem in everyday life (generally) than the more major examples discussed. I get that the idea is to convey the fact that everyone lies to some extent but about 4 chapters of this was probably unnecessary. I did like the chapters on what makes up a good lie, and the consequent ways on spotting them when they happen, and I liked the "heavier" chapters e.g. on gaslighting .

Another solid addition to the series but won't be getting full score like the first one did, as the concept was new at the time I was much more blown away.

[STEPHEN PLETKO!! · Rating 5 out of 5]

XXXXX

WARNING TO ALL PINOCCHIOS: AVOID THIS BOOK!! or LIAR! LIAR! PANTS ON FIRE!!

XXXXX

"The reason why you need this book...is that it will give you all you need to spot a liar...I will also teach you some tactics you can deploy to spot a liar...

In this book, I'll be teaching you how to detect a lie, how to expose a liar, and how to confront them with the truth."

XXXXX

The above quote (in italics) comes from this interesting book by Thomas Erikson. He is a behavioral expert, lecturer, and bestselling author.

For this book, you need to know three definitions:

1) Lie is an assertion of something known by the speaker to be untrue usually with intent to deceive.
2) Lying is the practice of communicating lies.
3) A liar is a person who communicates a lie.

I enjoyed this book. It taught me quite a bit about lying (essential especially for today). A hallmark of this book is that it is extremely easy to read.

This book unpacks the psychological reasons behind why we lie and reveals the impact lying has on our own relationships.

It explores our astounding capacity and proneness to tell lies as well as the multitudes of reasons for lying. Above all, this book shows us how to detect liars.

Some of this book may be common knowledge to some readers but even this is presented in an interesting, easy-to-understand format.

Finally, there is a section at the end of each chapter entitled "Infamous Liars." Here Erikson discusses such people as Lance Armstrong and Bill Clinton. I really enjoyed these sections.

In conclusion, this is the book to get to obtain the knowledge needed to feel confident in discerning the truth and shattering the deception of liars for good!!

XXXXX

(2024; introduction; 10 chapters; closing; main narrative 305 pages; appendix; afterward; references; index; about the author)

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[Tero Leppänen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pidin Thomas Eriksonin kirjasta: Valehtelijat ympärilläni - Näin tunnistat huijarit ja suojaudut vilpillisyydeltä

Kirja on pyrkii olemaan käytännöllinen opas petoksen tunnistamiseen arjessa ja työelämässä. Kirja laajentaa Eriksonin tunnettua ja kritiikkiä saanutta DISC-mallia (punainen, keltainen, vihreä, sininen) valehtelijoiden profiileihin, mm. punaiset manipuloivat valheilla vallan vuoksi, keltaiset liioittelevat tarinoillaan, vihreät välttelevät totuutta harmonian säilyttämiseksi ja siniset peittävät virheitään tarkkuudella. Kirja kyllä mainitsee, että ihmisissä voi olla useampia värejä ja sävyjä, kuten varmasti onkin.

Plussat:
Selkeät esimerkit ja testit auttavat lukijaa tunnistamaan valehtelijatyyppejä omassa elämässään.
Käytännön vinkit suojautumiseen, kuten kysymysten esittäminen ja kehon kielen tarkkailu.
Helppolukuinen / kuunneltava ja viihdyttävä tyyli, joka sopii populaaripsykologiasta kiinnostuneille.

Miinukset:
DISC-malli on yksinkertaistettu, eikä kirja tarjoa syvällistä tieteellistä analyysia petoksesta.
Jotkin esimerkit tuntuvat aneetoidisilta/tarinatodisteilta, eikä lähteitä aina mainita.

Yhteenveto: Hyödyllinen työkalu arkiseen valppauden kehittämiseen, mutta ei korvaa ammattimaista psykologiaa. Yllätyksettömästi parhaat valehtelijoiden tunnistajat ovat poliiseja tai oikeusoppineita.

Kevyttä lukemista / kuuntelemista huijaamisen estämiseksi.

Arvosana: 4/5 tähteä

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Surrounded by Liars: How to Stop Half-Truths, Deception, and Gaslighting from Ruining Your Life is the newest book in the Surrounded by Idiots series by bestselling author Thomas Erikson. The author shows readers how to identify and deal with the liars in their life using proven behavioral science methods. The intent is for readers to discern the truth from personal encounters with people and the news media so that they can protect themselves from deception and insincerity, leading to a calmer life.
The majority of the book was common knowledge to most readers, although it was presented in an interesting, easy to understand way. The author explained why not being 100% truthful (lying in various forms) is necessary in everyday life, both personal and professional. He reveals who is most likely to lie, and which situations generate the most deception. The discussions of his other books in the Surrounded by Idiots series were excessive, but the last part of his book was the most interesting and the new-to-me information. Readers who enjoy the work of Malcolm Gladwell and the Freakonomics guys will enjoy Surrounded by Liars.

The audiobook is skillfully narrated by David John, who is easy to understand.

I received an Advance Review Copy (ARC) from NetGalley and Macmillan Audio for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[CatReader · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars. Thomas Erikson is a Swedish writer who's best known for his 2014 book Surrounded by Idiots; though he's found success writing pop psychology books, though he himself isn't a psychologist and lacks formal training in this area. In Surrounded by Liars, he expounds heavily on the DISC model of personality (his preferred method, which I find rather lacking; he also reverses colors compared to those typically used, which was very confusing) and how different DISC personality types lie. He starts out defining and categorizing various types of lies, from malicious lies, to self-serving or self-aggrandizing lies, to white lies meant to spare feelings, to lies by omission (i.e., changing the subject or deflecting when asked a question to which you don't wish to respond as your honest response would be socially inappropriate or potentially hurtful -- I personally don't really think of this category as lying). He talks about how lies are so pervasive culturally that brutal and unfiltered honesty is hard to come by, including in writing and reviewing books. At least Erikson can rest assured that I don't sugarcoat reviews, including this one.

My statistics:
Book 276 for 2024
Book 1879 cumulatively

[Sandra Mendonça · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a 3.7, I just didn't feel comfortable with 4 stars.

It's well written. It's interesting. As always I find very interesting to read about the author's personal experience and opinions. He clearly has a vast experience in dealing with people and I love learning from him.

This book doesn't dwell on the 4 colors, and I found that refreshing. Surrounded by idiots series is based on the DISC model traits, but you'll find out that this book has so much to offer besides that.

It will make you wonder about yourself and others. Overall, it's a great book.

"Telling the truth is a fundamental aspect of human existence. It’s a way of showing respect for others and for ourselves, expressing our individuality, and connecting with the world around us. It’s important to our personal growth, and it helps us form relationships based on trust and understanding. Although it can be hard to tell what the right approach is in some situations, striving for truth and integrity is generally worthwhile. While the truth can be painful, it’s also liberating."

"A lie is an intentionally false statement or deceptive act, deliberately stated or performed with the aim of manipulating or deceiving others."

[Brenda Clayville · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has some great information and insightful knowledge in the psychology of how people think and why they lie. I always think the more knowledge you have and the awareness’s you have of why people respond in the way that they do. This will help you in being able to respond in a healthier way, so that good communication can prevail. Also, if you are sensing someone is lying, you will know how to respond and react in a calm manner, which could create a space that encourages honesty because trust is a bonding agent for human relationships. Also some great quotes! “You may tell the greatest lies and wear a brilliant disguise, but you can’t escape the eyes of the one who sees right through you.” Tom Robbins, “Once you stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about you.” Unknown, “I I’m sorry if you don’t like my honesty, but to be fair – I don’t like your lies.” Unknown, “ don’t lie to me unless you’re absolutely sure I will never find out the truth.” Ashleigh Brilliant, and “ they didn’t cheat because of who you are. They chose to cheat because of who they are not.” Charles J Orlando

[Steve Gabell · Rating 3 out of 5]

The most powerful country in the world has a president who is allergic to the truth. Few people lie on the scale that Trump does, but everybody lies to some extent. People lie for many different reasons and in many different ways. Erikson discusses what a lie actually is, why people lie, how people lie, and how to recognize that someone is telling a lie. Throughout the book he relates these insights to the DISC behavioural model, explaining why a red might lie, or how a yellow would react to finding out they'd been lied to.

This book largely focuses on lying in a face to face context yet so much of the information we consume comes from social media and the internet in general. The appendix does cover some of this, but I would have liked this area to have been given more prominence. Statistics are discussed briefly, though there could have been much more on this - for example on the differences between relative and absolute changes.

The book was easy to read and make notes on thanks to the short sections and numerous subheadings and was short enough it could be read in a weekend.

[Sophie De-Roe · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I read the wrong book- I should have read surrounded by psychopaths or narcissists as this was the only chapter in the book that really gripped me. I thought I cared about finding out who might be lying to me but it turns out I don’t, everyone lies big deal. What I care about is people who abuse gaslight and manipulate which, as I say would probably be covered in detail in one of Eriksons other books. I didn’t realise this before I read this book but I guess that’s ok. I just personally didn’t find anything that riveting in this book. I enjoyed learning about the personality types based on the DISC model but so far as I could tell there was no original ideas presented here and it didn’t seem to me to be that heavily researched at all- maybe it’s just me but there was a lot of rather obvious source material and as I say, no original ideas. I bet the other ones are way better (psychos and narcissists) but I’m not sure if I can be bothered to read them now or not.

[Mattie · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book addresses many types of liars, from everyday "white" lies to criminal liars, covering salesmen to well-known cases of serial fraudsters. This broad scope of discussion felt jarring to me; chapters often felt like a series of unrelated sections divided by headings.

The book contains many scenarios where people might lie, lists the justifications people use for lying and even teaches you how to craft a clever lie so you don't get caught out. Unfortunately it didn't raise any ideas that I hadn't already considered - a lot of it just seemed like common sense.

The author does not analyse the moral arguments for or against lying; they seem to hold the position that white lies are okay, but they don't justify where or how they draw the line between acceptable and unacceptable lies. They present a definition for a lie, which also isn't explained or dissected.

The book heavily references the DISC personality model, which I don't agree with, and also references other books by the author which I haven't, and won't, read.