The New Single: Finding, Fixing, and Falling Back in Love with Yourself After a Breakup or Divorce

by Tamsen Fadal

Ready to start living your best life after a divorce or breakup?   The New Single  is a realistic and proven plan to help you survive the end of a relationship and regain your confidence so you can change your life today.
In The New Single, TV personality and bestselling author Tamsen Fadal   shares a proven plan to surviving a divorce or break-up, and starting your next chapter, today.  After the shock of a divorce or breakup, it can be tough to get out of bed in the morning, much less be at your best. But it doesn't have to be that way.  With a realistic and proven game plan to help you get where you want to be, The New Single is the essential roadmap to helping women emerge from a big life change with confidence, grace and a recipe for self-care. 
The New Single is designed to help you transform your life, get past your breakup and  avoid toxic repetitive relationship patterns that hold you back from your being your best self  
TV personality and author Tamsen Fadal is empathetic and incisive about relationships and she learned many of the lessons in The New Single the hard way. Now, with candor and humor, she's sharing her secrets, stories, and sometimes painful lessons.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help

320 pages, Paperback

First published May 19, 2015

About the author

Tamsen Fadal is an Emmy award-winning journalist, filmmaker and menopause advocate. Her candor and relatability have established her as a leading voice in the menopause space with a passionate, loyal social media audience of 3+ million. She is host of The Tamsen Show podcast.

Tamsen is the creator, producer and co-executive producer of the PBS documentary The M Factor, Shredding the Silence on Menopause which is the first documentary of its kind confronting the neglected menopause crisis, challenging societal and medical shortcomings, and advocating for a revolutionary approach to women’s health. From the boardroom to the SXSW stage to Capitol Hill, she advocates for policies that eliminate the stigma of menopause and fosters a work environment where women feel comfortable discussing and managing their midlife health journey.

After more than three decades as a television news anchor, Tamsen made the bold decision to pivot her career towards women’s health advocacy. She’s the best friend guiding women through midlife and beyond, a one-stop resource for everything they need to know to live their best lives which led her to write How To Menopause, Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life and Feel Even Better Than Before.

Equally passionate about health, Tamsen holds a certificate in holistic health coaching from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (IIN), serves on the national board of Let’s Talk Menopause, and is a strong voice in the fight against breast cancer after losing her mother to the disease in 1990.

Her regular appearances in media outlets include Oprah Daily, The Today Show, The New York Times, and The Harvard Business Review.

Tamsen lives in New York City with her husband, Ira Bernstein. Connect with her–and a welcoming and supportive community–@tamsenfadal.

Reviews

[OKSANA ATAMANIUK · Rating 3 out of 5]

«Знову вільна»
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Тамзен Фадаль
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Видавництво «Фабула»

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«The New Single»
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Tamsen Fadal, 2015
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«Минуле прекрасне для тих, хто навчився жити теперішнім.»
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«Краще бути самій, аніж самотньою з кимось.»
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Ця книжка - це як розмова з досвідченою подругою, яка «пережила» своє розлучення й готова дати вам чіткий інструктаж, ЩО Ж РОБИТИ (?!):
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• як вижити в перші 3 місяці, що їсти й чим займатися;
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• як впорядкувати свої фінанси;
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• як повернутися на роботу;
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• як знайти нового партнера/кохання.
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Ці практики та поради можна використати не лише «свіжерозлученим», їх можна застосувати в будь-якій ситуації, коли ви відчуваєте, що:
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«пішли на дно», «ступили на хиткий міст», «втратили землю».
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Книжка легка і досить позитивна, вона не вирішить всіх глобальних проблем, але вона доступна, послідовна і чітка у своїх порадах.
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Авторка також додає «матеріал від командування» і «уроки від розумних жінок».
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Раджу, не як панацею, а як додатковий матеріал 📚
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Цитата:
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«Найважливіше правило: ліжко має залишатися порожнім 180 днів.
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Жодних чоловіків у вашому ліжку протягом 6 місяців. Уже мене зненавиділи? Прошу, не треба. Обіцяю, це не вічність, хоча мушу визнати, що це може здатися вічністю. Шість місяців. Сто вісімдесят днів. Чотири тисячі триста двадцять годин. Розбивайте їх на що завгодно - тільки не робіть цього.»
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Про книжку:
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«Як реагувати на запитання, чому завершилися ваші стосунки? Що робити, якщо не буде з ким піти на вечірку або ніяк не скидатимуться зайві кілограми, коли вже настав час для нових побачень? Як не втратити віру в себе та людей після розлучення? На ці та інші запитання вам допоможе знайти відповіді книжка відомої письменниці та телеведучої Тамзен Фадаль «Знову вільна». Ця книжка є путівником від завершення шлюбу до нового життя, а також нових стосунків, якщо ви все-таки вирішите, що їх хочете. Колишня керівниця бізнесом із пошуку партнерів відверто ділиться у своїй книжці історією свого розлучення, прийняття себе в новому статусі й перетворення на нову жінку.»
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#примхливачитака

[Enotka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Книга може здатися банальною, але жінці, для якої актуальні питання розлучення чи розриву стосунків, її варто прочитати. Хоча би для того, щоби переконатися, що з нею все ок і ті питання, які у неї виникають, цілком логічні. Бо ж іноді ти думаєш - люди про таке не замислються, а тебе мучить. Приємно знати, що ти в цьому не одна.

Що не дуже відгукнулося:
* було чимало продакт-плейсменту: наприклад, якщо якусь тему коментує тренерка - то вказано, якого вона клубу чи конкретні назви торгівельних марок чи що щось. Воно ніби і не зле, але мене відволікало.
* Були моменти з якими я не згідна - у стилі поведінки, стилі життя. Але це ніби нормально, просто треба бути готовим, що є і альтернативна думка. Тамзен Фадаль - жінка без особливих проблем з впевненістю у собі, тому мені окремі рішення видавалися вартими ще окремої книги)
* Треба мати на увазі, що авторка не мала дітей у шлюбі, про який розповідає. Це важливий момент, на який треба зважати.

З плюсів - ця книжка це конкретне керівництво до дії, що важливо, коли ти розгублена і не дуже розумієш, що робити зі своїм життям. Ти можеш не виконувати все, про що йдеться в тексті, але знати, що маєш такий дороговказ - це дуже важливо. Якщо прочитати її вчасно - можна уникнути багатьох помилок, якщо прочитати постфактум - можна зрозуміти, чому щось пішло не так ;) . Ну і обкладинка українського видання - за неї додаткові пів зірочки)

Коротше, читати точно раджу, але якщо ви цільова аудиторія.

[Cherniakhivska · Rating 4 out of 5]

Приємна книжка.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a child I saw my parents divorce and as an adult I've seen my younger brothers separated and divorce several times. I however have never experience that kind of heartache so when I received a copy of The New Single by Tamsen Fadal I wasn't sure I could relate. However I was wrong.

The book is meant to help women who have experienced a breakup or divorce to learn to empower herself. The New Single is the guide to help you create, become, and embrace your new authentic self after a divorce. As I read this book I learned you don’t have to go through a break up to use some of these tips to help you now. Tamsen basically is helping women to find their inner self and to learn to love them self and who they are after divorce, doing so one step at a time. We as women should all learn to love our self, to embrace our inner strength and become women we are proud of.

I must say this book was a good read and though I’m not divorce I found it very informative and enjoyable. Tamsen is wonderful writer and has lots of great tips and advice to share. I highly recommend reading this book.

**Disclosure: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for my honest review.**

[Cary Carbonaro · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tamsen's "The New Single" is the preeminent post-relationship book. She uses her break up as a tool to help ALL woman reconnect with themselves. It is a MUST read for anyone who wants to fall in love with themselves and live their most authentic life.

[Maryna Yevtushok · Rating 4 out of 5]

І чого я таке років 10 тому не прочитала)
Why I didn't read smth like that 1o years ago)

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

All my reviews can be found at http://www.jessicasreadingroom.com
This review will appear on my site on January 6, 2025.
~~~~
This is going to be a bit of a personal review for me.

I never would have pictured that 2024 went the way that it did: My husband telling me something on January 6, 2024 that turned my life upside down. Couples counseling didn’t work and I realized the marriage was over. Being devastated, I had to start over and with the help of some great friends, I did. I found the apartment that God had meant for me (which is its own short story) and took two of the three cats (apartments only let you have two pets otherwise I would have taken all three). I have started over with my new chapter and I think I am doing pretty good: Yes, I still have times of sadness and I know that will continue, but I am getting better.

I discovered Tamsen Fadal in 2024 talking about her book coming out in 2025: How to Menopause: Take Charge of Your Health, Reclaim Your Life, and Feel Even Better than Before along with her documentary The M Factor: Shredding the Silence on Menopause that is out now and I have watched it. I am of ‘that age’ where I am beginning to experience peri-menopause symptoms, so I look forward to her upcoming book and learning what every woman goes through in their life.

I came across The New Single for free in my Audible account and it is also narrated by Fadal, so I decided to listen to it and it did help me! Everything mentioned in self-help books will not apply to every reader, which includes this one: Everyone is different and goes through their own life changes. This book is geared towards women who have gone through a breakup of a long-term serious relationship or a divorce, and a lot of it seemed geared for me. I didn’t have children with my ex-husband, so I did skip over the parts where children are mentioned.

Fadal’s book was written after her divorce and in some ways I identified with her. Her book is meant to help the reader/listener after their particular life change occurs and to empower themselves and learn to love themselves again as they start over. There were good tips and suggestions given to the reader.

This is a great self-help book for those who will need it. And if I could give Fadal a hug I would!

This review is posting on my site a little more than a month after I wrote it. It is posting on January 6, 2025, which is one year from when my now ex-husband told me “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” on January 6, 2024. I’ve come so far from that life changing day and looking forward to what happens next! If you are going through a hard time like I did, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it really WILL get better! You will survive it and come out better in the end! It’s a new chapter for you like it was for me.

[Nikki Loza · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to read this book to diversify the types of book reviews I constructed on my blog: Words For Thought562. I had recently gotten out of a 5-year relationship and I wanted to embark on a self-healing journey through text. I had always had a negative opinion towards self-help books, which is not fair what-so-ever.

Fadal's text "The New Single" didn't really resonate with me specifically. The book is supposed to speak to those who have been recently divorced AND recently separated, however, I felt it was more tailored towards the divorcee.

There were definitely some mixed emotions that arose in me while flipping through these pages. I enjoyed how she provided professional opinions by people she knows and how there were inserts related to bettering yourself physically which ultimately uplifts you mentally as well. I didn't enjoy how the beginning quarter of the text set it up as the ending result of the read would be I'm the hopes that you'd result in a successful relationship upon completion. As the book progressed that vibe diminished, but it was definitely a hindrance in the beginning.

Overall, the book was mediocre in my opinion and that's why I rated it a 3 star. It wasn't terrible, but it also wasn't wonderful.

Make sure to follow my blog for more book reviews:

Words for Thought – Realistic book reviews for eager readers.
https://wordsforthought562.wordpress....

[Markie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall a great quick read on rebuilding after a break up or divorce. I have gotten some great tidbits here first make sure when you are married to live a life that you can sustain by yourself in case something ever happened. A way to get rid of a guy is to sleep with him too soon. I think and author concurs that you must wait at least a month she suggest 180 days in particular. To be too available is a death to a relationship with a man. I am for sure guilty of the last one. She also says it’s important that within around 3 to 6 months that your child meets your potential long-term fellow. You don’t want to seem like you are hiding someone from your child but you should make it very casual like a ice cream date. Short and sweet. I would say personally, I would introduce that person as a friend. In dating, you should also be OK with a date not working out in the end. This book reminds me of Why Men Love Bitches, we should not be emotionally dependent on a man or male/masculine partner.

[Sonia Nayeli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great advice! I’ve read a couple of books on the subject and I think she was honest and gave real advice on what happens and all the feelings that come with it. I like that she enlisted the help of other writers, psychologists, trainers, and others that have real experience on the divorce subject. And like all advice, you can take all of it or just a small amount …… but at the end, however painful, the only way out is through and this is a great resource :)

[MaryAnne Stear · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pertinent if you make tons of money and live in New York. Otherwise, for the rest of us plebians, we have to deal with an incredible lack of available men and no energy for a social life. Sorry Tamsen, not all of us can jet off to Italy and get mani pedis. Some of us have to struggle to put food on the table and keep things together for our kids. Sheesh.

[Kathy Heare Watts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won a signed copy of this book during a Goodreads giveaway. I am under no obligation to leave a review or rating and do so voluntarily. So that others may also enjoy this book, I am paying it forward by donating it a local library.

[Olesya Akhmetova · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too much 'water'. This book wasn't as useful for me as I expected. Author talks a lot about herself, her business, her star position. I wish she could tell more about her problems, her state of mind. Not her celebrity conditions.

[Yelena · Rating 4 out of 5]

Да, я люблю себя
Да, мне все по плечу
Да, я уверена в себе
Да, мне хорошо с собой
Как прийти к этому - в книге!

[Alina Rozhkova · Rating 4 out of 5]

Внезапно, толково, хоть и с налётом женских журналов

[Raleigh · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book after the author was on one of the pods I listen to, and it was fine!! There was some really good post-break up advice, but I do think the targeted audience is women 40+ LMFAO

[stalevarov · Rating 2 out of 5]

like eh. i found maybe 20% of the whole book being insightful; but it’s also me, maybe some will find much more !

[Marina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Вперше я побачила цю книгу після першого свого розставання в цьому році, але тоді мені не захотілось її читати (на той час для мене були актуальніші книги), але вже після другого розставання я вирішила все таки прочитати цю книжку.

Що тут скажеш…Дуже багато банальщини. Якщо ви взагалі втрачені в цьому житті, то можете почитати. Багато дивних порад про поєднання кольорів в одязі та інтерʼєрі і т.п. Авторка також радить не виходити з дому ненафарбованою (Я тут взагалі не погоджуюся. Чого б це я не могла не виходити в люди ненафарбованою?)

І ще я помітила, що авторка більше орієнтується на жінок 40+ з дітьми, які недавно розлучилися, і які намагаються опанувати dating apps, тому там також багато порад про поводження в інтернеті.

Мені ця книга не дуже зайшла, бо я багато чого вже знала, інколи мені було нудно читати, та і я 100% не є цільовою аудиторією авторки, тому такоє

Ставлю цій книзі два з 5, бо я досить таки швидко прочитала цю книгу і були хороші думки. Але якби я могла, я б поставила цій книзі півтора бали

Якщо у вас хороший рівень англійської і у вас сталось розставання, я б дуже радила подкаст на spotify “date yourself instead”. Там більше толкових речей, ніж в цій книзі

[David · Rating 2 out of 5]

being neither recently divorced nor a woman, I may not be the best one to review this book, but with that disclaimer, I had some positive and more negative reactions

On the plus side, it's a wide range of quick, breezy, seemingly reasonable advice about leaning temporarily on your friends, accepting yourself, not stalking the ex on Facebook, not sleeping with rebound guys right away, eventually putting yourself out there, and so on. Nothing amazing but also not objectionable. Maybe a little overly traditional [in one Q & A with herself, she recommends against asking a man out, for instance].

Quirks of the book that were disconcerting for me:

1. I guess she's well-known from local TV news in New York, but I never heard of her, so it was surprising to keep hearing about how publicly her divorce played out.

2. reminded me of a human version of that New Yorker magazine cover in which the map of the US is dominated by Manhattan landmarks -- an occasional nod to the reality that some readers may be stuck in the hinterlands [Philadelphia plays this role a few times], but many very specific allusions to sights, neighborhoods, specific bars, etc. in NYC.

3. Sort of arbitrarily specific advice. While throughout most of the book she touts yoga frequently, the Appendix elaborates on additional workout routines -- on "shoulder, chest, and triceps day" the New Single woman should do 3 sets of 10 reps each arm, with 10 lbs. weight, of alternate dumbbell shoulder press (p. 276). No word on whether petite or super-strong New Singles can adjust the weight down or up.

4. combining #2 and #3, my favorite suggestion for thanking supportive friends: "it's easy to send....a cookie bouquet, but be a little original. I love to send macaroons from this amazing shop in the West Village" (p. 200). Got it. I've never given, received, or heard of a cookie bouquet, but when the occasion for buying one arises, i'm off to the West Village to find those macaroons.

5. tone is mostly upbeat and "girlfriend"-y, but at times it read as though she must have a low opinion of the intelligence of her target audience, for instance when listing 7 words you might use to describe your ex if trying not to trash him ("hardworking" and "charming" are examples of positive things to say about someone, it turns out--p. 182)

6. Relentlessly 1%-focused. The retirement financial planning sidebar, for example, generously allows that you should "start somewhere; if you can get close to one million through savings and investing, that's better than nothing" (p. 191). Wardrobe advice, interior decorating tips, anecdotes about her friend's favorite little chocolate shop in London, etc. all reinforce the sense that the New Single is quite wealthy.

7. Finally, a minor nit pick -- I don't doubt that it shows up in a book by Will Durant, but usually
"We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit" [beloved by basketball coaches who want you to practice more) is ascribed to Aristotle (p. 183).

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book from a Goodreads giveaway, and it could not have come to me at a more perfect time. The entire concept of divorce is unpleasant, but after reading Tamsen's book I feel better prepared to embark on life as the new me, a "new single". The book includes advice from experts in many different areas too like diet and exercise, finances, and online dating; so it feels like a comprehensive plan to get you back into the swing of things. Ultimately, it helped me realize that things don't always work out but life goes on. I am ready to become a better version of myself and leave my ex in the past, where he belongs.

[J. Ewbank · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book by Fadal is an excellent one for those who are going through or have gone through a divorce. That has not happened to me but my first spouse died after many years of marriage and I could relate to the informan she has given. I am also male, but recognize the relationship of this advice to the situation of males's also. It is a very good read.

J. Robert Ewbank author "John Wesley, Natural Man, and the Isms" "Wesley's Wars" "To Whom It May Concern" and "Tell me about the United Methodist Church"

[Leeann Sheriff · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really thought that there were realistic goals that one could follow with redirecting yourself after a divorce or separation. I followed the book step for step and I actually have seen the other side to the relationship that I was in which ended in June 2015. I am now focused more on loving myself and doing the things in a different path than I have before. A great read.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am still reading this book but it is making a difference and helping me find out who I am again and what I like. I have been divorced now for 5 years and still doing better with it but still lost with who am I. This book is helping me through it and rediscover who I am. Thank you.

[Katherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the must-read guide for today's newly single woman! I laughed, I cried and cheered reading Tamsen's personal advice. Her candor and perspective is honest and raw, and the additional advice from her A-team is essential!

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Received as GoodReads giveaway. Book is primarily a self help book about getting used to being single after a breakup. However, a lot of the advice can be applied to anyone as a general tool for self care.

[Kathy Heare Watts · Rating 5 out of 5]

I won a copy of this book during a Goodreads giveaway. I am under no obligation to leave a review or rating and do so voluntarily. So that others may also enjoy this book, I am paying it forward by donating it a local library.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful book and came at the best time possible. The insights in this book force you to look deep inside of yourself. Great! Won via Goodreads Giveaway.

[Lena Lee]

I won this book off of Goodreads.com, but it has great advice even if you're not going through a breakup.