Man, F*ck This House

by Brian Asman

A collection of delightfully terrifying tales from indie horror darling Brian Asman

In the titular “Man, F*ck This House,” Sabrina Haskins and her family have just moved into their dream home. At first glance, the house is perfect. But things aren’t what they seem. Sabrina is hearing odd noises, seeing strange visions. Their neighbors are odd or absent. And Sabrina’s already-fraught relationship with her son is about to be tested in a way no parent could ever imagine. Because while the Haskins family might be the newest owners of this house, they’re far from its only residents …

In “The Hurlyburly,” a troubled teen loses his grip on reality after checking out the wrong internet meme …

In “In the Rushes,” a coastal cycling trip turns terrifying for a feuding mother and daughter …

Malevolent doppelgangers, bizarre murders, ancient evils, Western ghosts, mirror monsters, poisonous playthings, and more populate the pages of this brilliant—and petrifying—collection of stories.

Genres: Horror, Fiction, Thriller, Paranormal, Humor, Novella, Horror Thriller

355 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 19, 2021

About the author

Brian Asman is a writer, actor, and director from San Diego, CA. He’s the author of the forthcoming expanded edition of Man, F*ck This House (and Other Disasters) as well as Good Dogs, Our Black Hearts Beat as One, I’m Not Even Supposed to Be Here Today, Neo Arcana, Nunchuck City, Jailbroke, and Return of the Living Elves. He’s recently published short stories in American Cannibal, The Dark Waves of Winter, DreadPop, Pulp Modern, Kelp, and comics in Tales of Horrorgasm.

A film he co-wrote and produced, A Haunting in Ravenwood, is available now on DVD and VOD from Breaking Glass. His short “Reel Trouble” won Best Short Film at Gen Con 2022 and Best Horror Short at the Indie Gathering.

Brian holds an MFA from UCR-Palm Desert. He’s represented by Dunham Literary, Inc.

Find him on social media (@thebrianasman) or his website www.brianasmanbooks.com.

Reviews

[Peter Topside · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a bit of a strange read. Based on the title alone, I was expecting a lot more comedy. And the beginning started out that way, but it was short lived. So that alone really took away from the experience here. I almost felt like I got the ole bait-and-switch, but was already into it and just assumed finish at that point. So it did this hard pivot into a much more serious story, focused on a standard haunted house situation with the expected troubled family occupying it. Nothing new or exciting there. The story wasn’t bad, but I felt like it leaned on having one twist after another, as opposed to developing the core plot more. The characters were all a bit disjointed, and I finished the story unsure about how to feel about any of them. The major plus here was the writing quality, but that’s about the only reason I gave it 3 stars.

[JasonA · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can easily say the best thing about this book is the title. That's also the book's biggest problem; the tone of the title doesn't match the tone of the book at all. I don't think there was even any swearing other than the one time the title is quoted in the book (in the only line by an unnamed, one appearance character). I went into this expecting a Jeff Strand-ish horror/comedy but it didn't deliver much on either genre. It had some dry humor sprinkled throughout, but also tried to play it somewhat seriously. For this story to work, I think the author needed to choose serious or humor, and then fully commit, rather than try to straddle both.

One of the biggest issues for me was the characters all suck. None of them are remotely likeable, so I didn't care what happened to them. Actually, let me take that back...I was hoping the house was going to eat them all. Not a good start when you're firmly rooting for Team House in a haunted house story. All of the characters are bland stereotypes. Sabrina is a bored housewife, Hal is the oblivious husband and father, Michaela is the overlooked/ignored "good" child, and Damien is... Well, Damien is pretty much an older version of Stewie Griffin; a child genius bent on destroying his mother. So he's less of a stereotype and more of a rip-off. Zephyr was the wacky neighbor who serves no purpose other than to be wacky and provide a completely unnecessary P.S. to the story.

There were multiple points where I thought the story was salvageable if the author would have made a different decision, but they kept choosing to go down the "wrong" path. I see what the author was trying to do, and like it in theory, it just failed in the execution. This one ended up being a big no for me, but at least it was short.

PS Just found out there is an epilogue at the end of the book, after the acknowledgements and about the author. It serves as set-up for a sequel and doesn't add anything to the book, but thought I'd mention it for those who don't "sit thru the credits" of a book.

[Mort · Rating 5 out of 5]

Full review available at The Mort Report:

https://www.uncomfortablydark.com/bla...

Every now and then, a book’s title can grab you even more than the cover. Call me a dirty minded fella if you want, but any time I see the word ‘Fuck’ in a title, it gets my attention.

Enter, MAN, FUCK THIS HOUSE.
I have read a few books by Brian Asman and I have enjoyed them all. Not only can this guy paint you an almost cinematic picture with his words, but he can make me laugh AND he’s not afraid to throw in the gore.

This is the most serious of his work that I’ve read, and it seems like he went for a solid horror story, but every now and again, the humor does slip through.
Eg.
“No one had direct knowledge of death except those who’d experienced it, and they remained famously tight-lipped about the whole thing.”

Well, you get a family that moves to a new house, which turns out to be haunted, yada-yada… But wait, there is a fresh angle to this one that made me forget all about AMITYVILLE HORROR, or POLTERGEIST, or PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, or INSIDIOUS, or THE CONJURING, or 1408, or CASPER…
It is not like any of the ones you are thinking about right now.

This is a study in family dynamics, when daddy is oblivious and mommy might just be a little mentally unhinged, where the teenage daughter is a good girl but her younger, genius brother might be either possessed or just plain fucking with mommy’s head…and don’t forget the house!

This book is a fresh take on a well-known story, and I enjoyed every moment of the ride. If you haven’t read Asman before, give this one a go. If you have, you will know you are going to get quality and value for money.

Highly recommended for all horror fans.

5 STARS

[LTJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Man, Fuck This House” by Brian Asman completely blew me away from start to finish. I didn’t know what to expect going into this horror novel but knew this had a great title. Now that I finally finished this, wow, I loved everything about this! From the characters, story, plot twists, and a beyond satisfying ending, it’s fantastic. I was pleasantly surprised at how creepy, unexpected, and exhilarating this was while reading.

This was one of those genuine page-turners where I simply could not put it down because I just wanted to know what ultimately happens at the end because of the suspense. It’s also very impressive that such a scary and impactful novel can deliver so brilliantly in just 158 pages where every word mattered.

I easily gave “Man, Fuck This House” by Brian Asman a 5/5 because it’s just that good. This is the perfect weekend read that checks all the boxes and then some. I had so much fun reading this as I’m very much looking forward to reading Asman’s previous work and anything else he does in the future.

[Tom Rimer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did not expect any of what happened in this one. Just the way I like my books.

[Chrissy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Horrid child (named Damien 😆) wants to send his mother insane. House is also haunted. Not quite what you'd expect. Bizarre.

[Krystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is a weird one.

Not entirely sure how I feel about it, but definitely not as satisfied as I'd hoped for.

I think the horror was a little weak - part benevolence and part prank made for a soft start - and then just random violence escalating dramatically towards a bizarre conclusion kind of messed with the whole vibe. Hmm.

I did really like Sabrina, but the other characters were a bit too familiar and the story of the crazy housewife has been done too many times to be properly intriguing. I liked the house seeming to have a bit more personality than most haunted houses, but I was ultimately hoping for more from it.

Damien's whole thing p*ssed me off, too.

Mildly interesting, but not quite the tense, possibly-humourous horror story I was hoping for. The clever title sets up an expectation that the story sadly falls short of meeting.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm going to be honest, I did not have high expectations for this book. I had to own it because the title is pure genius for a haunted house story. But I hadn't heard of the author and I hadn't heard of anyone talking about this book. I did commit to adding a full star to my rating before I began reading the book because the title gave me a moment of pure joy when I came across it.

That being said, I enjoyed every minute of this book! I liked the writing style, the plot was engaging and it was just really fun to read. It took a couple of turns that I very much didn't expect. Totally entertaining.

The only downside to this book was there were more than a few typos, just minor ones but it always breaks the spell for me for a moment when I come across them.

Overall I absolutely recommend this book. I definitely enjoyed it and will be checking out other books by Mr. Asman for sure!

[Danger · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fast-paced and wild ride from start to finish. Had a lotta fun reading this.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like the weird. I like the bizarre. And I liked Man, Fuck This House.

[chantalsbookstuff · Rating 2 out of 5]

Moved into a new house, mom's going insane; son's a little dweeb; house is haunted too; the writing style was good but that's about it; didn't like the characters or the storyline and any sort of plot was non-existent.

[Sea Caummisar · Rating 3 out of 5]

First, let's look at that title. Yes, that phrase was used once in the entire book. It very well may have been the only curse. By the title, I was either expecting something visceral, or comedy. It wasn't what I expected at all. It's a basic haunted house book, until the end. Then it's straight up goofy. Too goofy for even my comedic tastes. It's not a bad read but when the house grew legs in the last 10percent and stomped around town as a giant pile of wood and vinyl siding looking for a paint store, I put it down for a bit.

[Jillian B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a collection of one novella and several short stories, and I absolutely loved it. Though the scares were there, what really stood out to me was the author’s incisive sense of humour. The novella in particular had sharp satirical elements while still giving me a sense of empathy for the characters. Each of the stories was very different, but the author totally nailed each character’s POV. I definitely recommend this one.

[Matthew Breeding · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bored

Really felt like a high school kid wrote it. It was just boring. Best part about the book is it’s title.

[Lukasz · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5/5

It was a wild story offering an interesting spin on the haunted house trope. To me, though, it felt slightly disjointed and chaotic. I believe there's still space for more in-depth editing. The idea is cool, the writing average, and characterization rather poor.

If you want, let's just say it's an acquired taste, and I just don't get it.

[Court Zierk · Rating 4 out of 5]

⭐️ ⭐️ ⭐️ 1/2


Man, Fuck This House

Went places I never saw coming. It was surrealistically bonkers, but in mostly good ways. These characters were irredeemable, however and didn’t garner much empathy from me, especially Damien. He was vile through and through. Overall, a unique take on the haunted house trope, and one worthy of your time.

Beware The Hurlyburly

I loved this little story. It creeps me out when things can only be seen through the lens of a camera, through a mirror, through a picture, etc, and this went to work on my exploiting my fears. I have the most vivid image of the Hurlyburly in my mind, and that’s from the brief time we spent with him over these 32 pages.

Seven Years

See last story for how I feel about things you can only see in the mirror. This wasn’t as good as Hurlyburly, but it was a quick, enjoyable story nonetheless

In The Rushes

I always knew you couldn’t trust cyclists, especially the undead ones. Do you think they have to wear those silly cycling outfits even in the afterlife?

Razor Bill

Don’t use outhouses, and definitely don’t summon outlaw spirits from them if you have to use them. That’s basically what I get out of this story. I liked this one a lot. It packed a big punch for such a small package.

Line of Sight

A King-esque swerve to the left and into a crime, police procedural drama, only not nearly as effective. This is the worst of the bunch by far

The Tire Swing

Doppelgänger zombies whose power originates from an old oblong-shaped tire swing. As wild as that premise sounds, it was quite compelling and even somewhat believable. It taps into primal fears about losing control over oneself, and it hammers that home repeatedly. This was spooky fun

[Zachary Ashford · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brian Asman's Man, Fuck This House is the rare kind of haunted house novel that injects the tropes of the genre with a blast of invention. The quirky one-liners and snide observations that inform so much of his work are still present (and hopefully they never leave), but for the most part, this is a more serious work that delivers a creative take the haunted house tale desperately needs.

While this one starts off as a slow-burn, it descends into chaotic action in a way that only Asman can deliver. The body-count is high, the thrills are energetic, and the gut-punch, when it hits is brutal.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I will give it that this book really did something unique. I think that the big twist is great, and it was a unique horror story that keeps the action coming. I do however think that the plot needed work (it could have been longer), the comedy parts fleshed out better, and the biggest sin of all, the grammar. I almost DNF'd purely because the way this book reads is almost unbearable to me. I wanted to give notes on sentence structure in a way I never have before.

This book was apparently edited (where?) by Max Booth III who wrote the novella/produced the movie for We Need To Do Something which also needed work imho.

Anyway, read at your own discretion but know that you'll be riding a wave of insane grammatical and wording choices for 158 pages.

[Trisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to be honest - with a title like that, I just had to read this one. It sounded funny (maybe a bit silly) with a haunted house. I thought I was getting a spooky, creepy read with some humor. I didn't find any humor.

Instead, I'm not sure what this was. A weird house, for sure, but I'm not sure it was all that creepy. It was shocking, but the book never really set up a vibe to be spooky. The creepiest thing was the kid - who felt determined to terrorize his mom.

I'm disappointed. I wanted to love it. Instead, I felt let down because I thought this would be one type of book that it wasn't.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

New version with additional short stories reviewed as ARC April 2025.

3 stars

I had read the opening novella in 2022 and, at least for now, entering the ISBN number bring up the same book, even though this volume has six short stories included. For me “The Tire Swing” was the stand out short story. These were overall good.

[Mercedes Yardley · Rating 4 out of 5]

The title gives you an idea of what you're in for. Equal parts tongue-in-cheek (the creepy son is named Damien) and full of heart, this is a quick, bizarre read about a haunted house. While it pays homage to many of the tropes, it also manages to feel fresh. If you're looking for something both familiar and slightly different, this will scratch that itch.

[WendyB · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very odd but entertaining. More fantasy than horror I would say.

[Steve T · Rating 2 out of 5]

Interesting idea for a different take on a haunted house story, though the author takes it too seriously and too far.

Grammatical errors that should have been cleaned up remain (including my greatest pet peeve, “lose” vs. “loose”). Early on, a reference to a dead mouse in a cabinet is mentioned but that part of the story was either edited out or was just plain missing from the manuscript.

I’ll admit, a few times I thought, “Man, f*ck this book,” but it was a quick read at 158 pages and it somehow kept me interested to see how it played out. I’d have considered three stars, but the grammar deal-breakers are unforgivable.

[Bryan Henderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Goosebumps for ADULTS.

7/10

[Cate · Rating 1 out of 5]

Man, Fuck This Book…

I can’t for the life of me figure out why this book was so highly rated. The characters are thin and one-dimensional, there’s no character development whatsoever and they’re stereotypical caricatures….you’ve got the snarky pre-teen girl, the husband, who seems to just be there to round out the idea of the perfect suburban family stereotype, as he barely has any actual role at all, the ‘evil demon child’ Damien who appears to live to torment his mother and pretentiously looks down on the rest, as well as everyone around him, but that’s only After the initial impression that’s he’s really young based on the way the parents talk to him (he’s actually ten) and NO ten year talks the way this author has written him (has he even BEEN around a ten year old?) he then has the character of Damien jumping between being a pretentious jerk who acts like Damien from The Omen at times who then wants to play the ‘ultimate prank’ of dousing his mother in pigs blood like in Carrie and dressing up like a Halloween demon, to a kid/teen that likes playing Fortnite, to a young kid that enjoys SpongeBob? (The daughter is another character that may as well not exist because she serves the same purpose as the father…)
Then you’ve got the mother, who is a caricature of a 1950’s housewife with some mentions of who she was before she became a stereotypical housewife but she has zero development….and then you have the HOUSE, which starts off as what in the very beginning seemed like it might be a promising haunted house book, but has the mother losing her mind through most of the book (she’s terrified of a house that seems to be the kind of haunted house anyone would love to live in, it cooks, cleans draws baths, seemingly anticipates the occupant’s needs…that’s what the author considers scary??)
Apparently, the house also has an obsession with the mother and appears as copies of other family members/occupants in order to try and kill everyone except her and the mother tries to stop it by destroying the house, that then become so outraged it rips itself out of the ground literally grows legs and literally runs away…only to later end up cornered by disbelieving cops and firefighters, where it creates an exact lookalike of the mother (who it trapped in the house when it ran away) and has a tearful heart-to-heart with the mother who then comforts the house…and then in the epilogue literally Becomes the house?!


This book is beyond unbelievable in the ways I’ve listed and I’ve missed a lot in the plot and the characters. The author also expects the reader to assume a lot, seeming to skip over important details and the all important plot development that’s necessary for a successful story. But aside from everything I mentioned, it would also seem neither the author, nor the editors, or agents, or anyone who read it before publication managed to catch the very glaringly obvious use of the word ‘LOSE’ spelled ‘LOOSE’…on page 172. If this wasn’t self-published or edited by what seem to be amateurs, it might have been caught it time. (I suggest self-published because the copyright is attributed to the author and not any publisher big or small)

If you’re a fan of self-published books then read it, otherwise save your money because you’ll just end up frustrated.

[Sammie Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was just as delightfully unhinged as you’d think it would be with the work ‘fuck’ in the title. So fun! This is a quick read, straight to the point without fanfare and I love that. Family of four moves into a beautiful new house. Sabrina and Hal, dutiful parents and their precocious children Michaela and Damien. The kids were hilarious, both permanently annoyed with their dull and dumb parents while also being weird little kids.

Sabrina, SAHM, is left to her own devices when Hal is working and the kids are at school, and while there is a ton to do, it almost seems like most of the work is being done for her? Weird. Coffee is made, baths are drawn, lunches are already prepared in the morning. It seems like the house is sentient, and while that’s scary, it seems to really like Sabrina! Which is great until she realizes that it really hates the other three occupants. Crazy and fun, just in time for the end of spooky season!

[Stay Fetters · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Hell was here. In her home. And since the moment a bad bolt of sperm poisoned a wicked egg, it always had been."

This was highly entertaining and bizarre as hell. I'm not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't this. Brian is a crazy sob and knows how to keep his readers glued to a story, no matter how crazy it is. It was one of the weirdest pageturners and I think you'll love it just as I did.

[Ross Jeffery · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very cool premise to match a very cool title.

I enjoyed this take on the haunted house, and the easy prose style that whisks the reader into this crazy little tale and the humour that resides within.

I particularly enjoyed how the house manifested itself and the scenes in the last quarter of the book when all hell breaks loose were especially gripping - the descriptions of the man on the lawn suffering his injuries and what resides in him were fabulous.

It was also great seeing the haunted house trope taken in a new and exciting direction.

I did expect a little more horror, but what I got was great - there were some parts (the mother’s descent into crazy) that reminded me of Requiem for a Dream - the parts with her and the television especially… but it was its own beast and not a parody of that.

I did notice quite a few errors / typos that took the gloss off the book, could have done with one more read through I feel.

But having said that it was impressive nevertheless and I always love discovering new voices in horror!

[Katie T · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a funny and creative take on a haunted house. It's a bit goofy, probably not for everyone but I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Anja Henriksen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hahahaha this was a hilarious story!
Ignorance is a bliss, unless your surroundings force you to discard your ignorance and just deal with the fucking shit no matter how irrational it might seem.