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Sennou: Jigoku no 12-nen kara no Seikan
身為日本視覺系搖滾天團X JAPAN主唱、擁有超高知名度及眾多粉絲的Toshl，為何有長達十二年都淪為邪教團體Home of Heart的斂財工具（至少被搜括了十億日圓）、任憑其擺佈（不但一舉一動受到監視，更協助其招收信徒）？原來這期間他身陷「洗腦」地獄而無法自拔，不但成了邪教的活招牌及搖錢樹，日復一日的咒罵及暴力，無止境的勞動，更使得他身心都瀕臨崩潰邊緣。 最後他賭上性命逃亡，在終於脫離地獄後，以字字血淚寫下這本回憶錄，一方面是為了讓世人了解真相，不要再出現和他一樣的犧牲者，另一方面也是為了對曾因他而受騙的受害者道歉。這本書一出版即震撼日本社會，媒體紛紛以大篇幅報導，歌迷也流淚表示：「看了這本書，才知道洗腦有多恐怖！」「真不敢想像Toshl寫這本書需要多大的勇氣！」
- GenresNonfictionJapan
276 pages, Tankobon Hardcover
First published July 24, 2014
2 people are currently reading
24 people want to read
About the author
Ｔｏｓｈｌ
1 book1 followerBorn in Tateyama City, Chiba Prefecture in 1965. He started band activities with his childhood friend YOSHIKI when he was in elementary school and became a vocalist. Formed in high school, X gradually gained popularity mainly in live houses, and made a major debut from CBS Sony in 1989. The eccentric looks and high musicality attracted enthusiastic support, and in 1992, with the aim of expanding into the world, renamed X JAPAN and signed with Time Warner. However, in 1997, he withdrew himself and the band broke up. Behind this was the brutal brainwashing of the Home of Hearts, which hosts self-development seminars. After a long period of mind control, he completely escaped from the control of the Home of Heart in 2009, and since 2008, he has been active as a member of X JAPAN and a solo artist.
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Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews
March 4, 2022
Huhhh, it's a painfully honest memoir from a cult survivor who is also a rock star. It offers a lot of insight.
The narrator is Toshi, lead singer of the legendary Japanese rock band X Japan, this memoir mainly follows the man's journey of losing his band (and his bandmates), his involvement with a cult disguising itself as a self-help-group and how he managed to snap out of the mind-control he'd suffered for 12 years, how he escaped the nightmarish life he had with the cult and finally regaining control over his life.
The writing is simple, Toshi, as the narrator, tells you plainly how the pressure of stardom, the death of his father and his broken relationships with his loved ones led him to fall into a mental trap set up by a cult, what had happened to him during his 12 plus years of living under the control of a cult and under the thumbs of his manipulative mentor and his wife. But such simple writing does help to get his point across anyway.
I call this book 'painfully honest' because it's rare for a famous artist, a grown man to openly admit he had been manipulated and victimized so terribly, to bare his soul like this and allow you to see him at his worst and most fragile moment, all in the hope of helping other people to escape from the same trap that once held him prisoner for a decade.
The ending part about how Toshi found his inner strength and escaped from the cult after he reconnected with his childhood friend and bandmate Yoshiki, and the display of selfless kindness from the people who helped him to break free, is very moving.
The narrator is Toshi, lead singer of the legendary Japanese rock band X Japan, this memoir mainly follows the man's journey of losing his band (and his bandmates), his involvement with a cult disguising itself as a self-help-group and how he managed to snap out of the mind-control he'd suffered for 12 years, how he escaped the nightmarish life he had with the cult and finally regaining control over his life.
The writing is simple, Toshi, as the narrator, tells you plainly how the pressure of stardom, the death of his father and his broken relationships with his loved ones led him to fall into a mental trap set up by a cult, what had happened to him during his 12 plus years of living under the control of a cult and under the thumbs of his manipulative mentor and his wife. But such simple writing does help to get his point across anyway.
I call this book 'painfully honest' because it's rare for a famous artist, a grown man to openly admit he had been manipulated and victimized so terribly, to bare his soul like this and allow you to see him at his worst and most fragile moment, all in the hope of helping other people to escape from the same trap that once held him prisoner for a decade.
The ending part about how Toshi found his inner strength and escaped from the cult after he reconnected with his childhood friend and bandmate Yoshiki, and the display of selfless kindness from the people who helped him to break free, is very moving.
January 9, 2018
Només interessant per seguidors d'X-Japan, vaya drama que va viure, fàstic de sectes.
March 4, 2022
讀的第一本(至少是我記得的)作者長年被人操弄心智的書是Tara Westover寫的《你当像鸟飞往你的山》，第二本就是這本書。
正值事業巔峰，卻被拉入邪教團體操控十二年，讀了都覺得震撼、氣憤。當年Toshi因為被洗腦，最後搞得樂團不歡而散，但後來又是透過樂團復合這個契機，他才開始看清邪教的真實面貌，當然後面出現的三上、大伯、小田等人的援手也是很重要的因素。可是我想終歸還是要本人有意識/有機緣暫時脫離那種環境，並多和外界的人交流才能走出來，要不然真是再怎麼親的人也拉不出來。即使不是 X JAPAN的樂迷，也推薦看看這本書稍微了解洗腦的過程。
P.S. 為什麼我讀到這本書最後一篇由「作家、紐約榮格心理分析師候選人、呼吸的奇蹟課程帶領人」李宜靜寫的推薦序，有種內心警鈴大響的感覺呢 ……?
正值事業巔峰，卻被拉入邪教團體操控十二年，讀了都覺得震撼、氣憤。當年Toshi因為被洗腦，最後搞得樂團不歡而散，但後來又是透過樂團復合這個契機，他才開始看清邪教的真實面貌，當然後面出現的三上、大伯、小田等人的援手也是很重要的因素。可是我想終歸還是要本人有意識/有機緣暫時脫離那種環境，並多和外界的人交流才能走出來，要不然真是再怎麼親的人也拉不出來。即使不是 X JAPAN的樂迷，也推薦看看這本書稍微了解洗腦的過程。
P.S. 為什麼我讀到這本書最後一篇由「作家、紐約榮格心理分析師候選人、呼吸的奇蹟課程帶領人」李宜靜寫的推薦序，有種內心警鈴大響的感覺呢 ……?
December 15, 2018
本書解答了X JAPAN解散的始末，內容卻是極度令人震驚的，即使在X JAPAN復活重新展開活動時，ToshI依舊尚未擺脫洗腦掌控，一翻開本書就停不下來，一頁頁地讀下去，一邊看著X JAPAN的LIVE表演，一邊訝異：「台上的ToshI奮力歌唱，但其實內心卻擔憂恐懼著邪教對自己的暴力相向，不論是精神上或是肉體上的。」所有X JAPAN歌迷都不該錯過字字血淚告白的本書。
November 15, 2023
閱讀此書的旅程是從看X Japan的Yoshiki的傳記開始──Hide自殺死了，那Toshi的退團又是怎麼回事呢？
就這樣，借了這書。
Toshi以搖滾天團主唱的身分達到事業的高峰的時候，不過23歲。然而身邊的親人，哥哥、媽媽，紛紛因隨他而來的名利變得無比貪婪。倍感生命空虛的Toshi隨著日後想來其實是別有用心的妻子，成為靈修團體的一員。在以為是條通往幸福的路上，天天被包括妻子的信眾群聚毆打辱罵，行動遭到監視限制，漸漸變成否定自我的陰暗人物。更甚者，此後12年，淪為此邪教巨大無比的生財工具。日入斗金的歌手，變賣豪宅、名車，住在小小的公寓或廉價的旅館，上繳所有的收入，每天除了必要的車費─
「衣服向作設計的朋友借來；每天晚上餐費500到600圓：一顆飯糰，關東煮的蘿蔔、蒟蒻、白煮蛋，一盒蔬菜汁與一瓶烏龍茶。每三天用一次投幣式洗衣機與烘乾機，300圓。每月的生活費3萬到4萬。」
這樣被榨乾錢財、又要被毆打辱罵的日子，居然可以忍耐12年？大概所有的人都會想要問一個同樣想問被家暴女人的問題──
你為何不離開？
一個極端嫌棄自我、尊嚴盡失的靈魂，和這世界唯一聯繫的部分，也就只有這些環繞身邊，以關懷為名卻帶來痛苦的人。但如果連這些人都放棄了自己，孤零零的要怎麼活呢？於是，即使滿懷恐懼，也不敢改變現狀。在這個沒有任何人可以信任，沒有任何人可以依靠的宇宙中，唯一能依附也就只有那個組織，所有的打罵全是罪有應得，只能努力工作以彌補所有的罪過。
對一個內在平衡都徹底破壞，遵循「心靈導師」指示而重新建構生存信念的人來說，一般人的邏輯判斷，對他們來說反而是沒道理可言的。把自己生命的主宰權交到別人手上的人，當然沒有自由意志可以主導行進的方向。所以當看到ToshI從被奴役的生活中一點一點地產生懷疑時，慢慢地恢復「理智」時，真是無比歡欣暢快。
但有個小小的疑問一直在心底發酵──為何當初沒有一個真正的好朋友，提醒他，阻止他，拉他一把呢？或許在一開始ToshI奮不顧身投入時，絕對是「忠言逆耳」，但後來他到處走唱度日，開始過著暗無天日的拮据生活時，難道沒人發現他背地裡的淒慘真相？沒人及時提醒、阻止、拉他一把？
是日本人為留情面，總是不願主動多管閒事的民族性所致？
書中最感人的部分是ToshI的社長朋友幫他找到的山中藏身處，屋主是個跟警務機關有關係的80多歲老先生，一開始並不是很情願收容他，在約定收容時間到的前晚，老先生請ToshI在餐廳吃晚餐，隨口問了職業和姓名，可能是因為ToshI和老先生死去的兒子同名，或者還有其他原因，總之，後來老先生便什麼也沒多問，無條件出錢出力幫助ToshI。
嚐盡人間悲涼12年的ToshI，得到陌生人這個大的溫情時，不禁淚流滿面，老先生說：
「未來的人生很短，但也很長。……人生當中總有一天必須與重要的人道別，沒有什麼會比那個時候更難過……所以把眼淚流到那個時候吧！」(p.228)
「人生不管什麼時候都能重來」。即使曾經是那麼醜陋、愚蠢、邪惡和痛苦，這些都是生命的印記，但只要活著，一切終將過去，一切終將重新開始。
ToshI回來了。X Japan回來了。回●來●了！！
就這樣，借了這書。
Toshi以搖滾天團主唱的身分達到事業的高峰的時候，不過23歲。然而身邊的親人，哥哥、媽媽，紛紛因隨他而來的名利變得無比貪婪。倍感生命空虛的Toshi隨著日後想來其實是別有用心的妻子，成為靈修團體的一員。在以為是條通往幸福的路上，天天被包括妻子的信眾群聚毆打辱罵，行動遭到監視限制，漸漸變成否定自我的陰暗人物。更甚者，此後12年，淪為此邪教巨大無比的生財工具。日入斗金的歌手，變賣豪宅、名車，住在小小的公寓或廉價的旅館，上繳所有的收入，每天除了必要的車費─
「衣服向作設計的朋友借來；每天晚上餐費500到600圓：一顆飯糰，關東煮的蘿蔔、蒟蒻、白煮蛋，一盒蔬菜汁與一瓶烏龍茶。每三天用一次投幣式洗衣機與烘乾機，300圓。每月的生活費3萬到4萬。」
這樣被榨乾錢財、又要被毆打辱罵的日子，居然可以忍耐12年？大概所有的人都會想要問一個同樣想問被家暴女人的問題──
你為何不離開？
一個極端嫌棄自我、尊嚴盡失的靈魂，和這世界唯一聯繫的部分，也就只有這些環繞身邊，以關懷為名卻帶來痛苦的人。但如果連這些人都放棄了自己，孤零零的要怎麼活呢？於是，即使滿懷恐懼，也不敢改變現狀。在這個沒有任何人可以信任，沒有任何人可以依靠的宇宙中，唯一能依附也就只有那個組織，所有的打罵全是罪有應得，只能努力工作以彌補所有的罪過。
對一個內在平衡都徹底破壞，遵循「心靈導師」指示而重新建構生存信念的人來說，一般人的邏輯判斷，對他們來說反而是沒道理可言的。把自己生命的主宰權交到別人手上的人，當然沒有自由意志可以主導行進的方向。所以當看到ToshI從被奴役的生活中一點一點地產生懷疑時，慢慢地恢復「理智」時，真是無比歡欣暢快。
但有個小小的疑問一直在心底發酵──為何當初沒有一個真正的好朋友，提醒他，阻止他，拉他一把呢？或許在一開始ToshI奮不顧身投入時，絕對是「忠言逆耳」，但後來他到處走唱度日，開始過著暗無天日的拮据生活時，難道沒人發現他背地裡的淒慘真相？沒人及時提醒、阻止、拉他一把？
是日本人為留情面，總是不願主動多管閒事的民族性所致？
書中最感人的部分是ToshI的社長朋友幫他找到的山中藏身處，屋主是個跟警務機關有關係的80多歲老先生，一開始並不是很情願收容他，在約定收容時間到的前晚，老先生請ToshI在餐廳吃晚餐，隨口問了職業和姓名，可能是因為ToshI和老先生死去的兒子同名，或者還有其他原因，總之，後來老先生便什麼也沒多問，無條件出錢出力幫助ToshI。
嚐盡人間悲涼12年的ToshI，得到陌生人這個大的溫情時，不禁淚流滿面，老先生說：
「未來的人生很短，但也很長。……人生當中總有一天必須與重要的人道別，沒有什麼會比那個時候更難過……所以把眼淚流到那個時候吧！」(p.228)
「人生不管什麼時候都能重來」。即使曾經是那麼醜陋、愚蠢、邪惡和痛苦，這些都是生命的印記，但只要活著，一切終將過去，一切終將重新開始。
ToshI回來了。X Japan回來了。回●來●了！！
October 12, 2024
It’s an admirable feeling to hear words from someone who had struggled to speak up. This book must have been a catharsis for Toshi. He was a victim of abuse albeit a different circumstance; he was controlled in ways so similar to scam syndicates’ ways of operation, or even the tyrants of the more traditional countries. Essentially free will is taken away from you! To be conditioned through constant abuse and fear! To be wiped out of identity!
The writing is simple and straightforward. “I had so many people rob me, but now I also had people who gave me money”. It is wonderful he could find hope and catharsis.
The writing is simple and straightforward. “I had so many people rob me, but now I also had people who gave me money”. It is wonderful he could find hope and catharsis.
April 3, 2022
I rarely read biographies or celebrities' memoirs but I always wondered about his story with the cult as well as how the band was brought back together.
The writing is simple and factual and it's what it needs to be, no sugarcoating
The writing is simple and factual and it's what it needs to be, no sugarcoating
Displaying 1 - 7 of 7 reviews