Nearly a decade ago, I entered a writing competition. I didn’t win, not exactly. No trophy, no certificate, but the judges gave me a shoutout, a nod, a polite tap on the shoulder that said yes we see you, kid. And yet, I remember feeling this almost embarrassing envy towards the story that did win. I tried to disassociate myself from the feeling, to stuff it into some psychological closet. While I was repressing such a primal emotion, the act of it slipped past the gates of my ego and my consciousness wondered why was I doing it? That moment was the first breadcrumb that led me into Jungian literature. I discovered the shadow, the unconscious side of our psyche, which is the murky psychological basement where all our repressed feelings go to smoke and play poker and stage passive-aggressive interventions. Jung suggests that ignoring your shadow doesn’t make it go away, no, that stuff just makes it weirder and meaner. You have to observe your shadow. Acknowledge it. Attend to the abandoned child. Otherwise, it will start to crawl up the floorboards of your life in increasingly ugly ways.
My understanding of the shadow is still a work-in-progress (which, incidentally, is also how I like to describe myself in therapy). Shallow work, ahem pardon the Freudian slip, shadow work is difficult, often painfully so. But in Famous Last Questions, what Sanjana does is hold your hand through this uncharted terrain and point out all the co-existing paradoxes so specific to your inner wiring that you didn’t even know existed until she pointed them out. On the face of it, these are distilled socio-cultural essays to represent a generation of ’90s kids, their becoming, and their navigation of identity in a time when identity is both commodified and weaponized. But dig deeper, and you will know that these are words stemming from a self-awareness journey and a woman who has been painfully aware of it. This is self-awareness with citations.
Sanjana Ramachandran stood in front of her psyche (by extension, an Indian psyche) like a surgeon to dissect it in many parts, observe and analyze it microscopically and macroscopically, understanding its pulses and patterns through the lenses of science, psychology, culture, politics, religion, caste, philosophy, spirituality, art, and of course the anecdotal evidence of lived experience. My read tells me that she had left her biases at the doorstep while writing this, and even if some of them sneaked in, she held them up to light and owned them. This is unabashed, vulnerable writing and it takes courage to write something like this in today’s charged atmosphere. I’m grateful Sanjana wrote it and more so for writing it in her signature witty and humorous way. Reading this book is not like reading a self-indulgent pop culture book that takes you in like quicksand without your knowledge, no, this is a book that will demand you to bring out your shovel and dig into the grime and mud of the ground beneath you to find luminous hidden gems. And I bet you would do it, because right next to you is Sanjana, doing the same with an encouraging, fiery passion.
I believe that anyone who goes on this kind of journey, into the self and into the shadow, will go a little mad if they can’t express it. Sanjana did, hence the book. And what she wrote is indeed WILD.