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Everyone's Seen My Tits: Stories and Reflections from an Unlikely Feminist
A moving, genuine, and hilarious collection of essays about fame, glamour, infamy, and the power of writing your own story, from Page 3 model turned writer Keeley Hazell.
For much of her life, Keeley Hazell has been labelled and pigeonholed. Growing up in a poor working-class family made her a certain kind of person (the kind who scrounged for chicken and chips money and once set a car on fire). Becoming a topless model after winning the Sun newspaper's 'Page 3 Idol' competition made her a certain kind of person (one with big boobs and few thoughts, to hear anyone else tell it). And as glittery as being one of the UK's most successful glamour models may seem, Keeley's fairytale success quickly turned into a nightmare. After becoming a victim of revenge porn and a particularly disastrous interview with a high brow British newspaper, Keeley began re-examining her life. She learned about feminism, objectification, and systemic misogyny on a wonderful journey of personal growth, and with a flick of her hair, quit modelling, walked away from a fat pay check, and moved thousands of miles away from everything she had come to know. Reinventing herself as an actress and writer, she starred in award-winning short films, as well as horrors, dramas, and comedies before facing her most challenging job on the massive hit series Ted Lasso - rewriting what it means to be Keeley both on-screen and in real life.
Everyone's Seen My Tits is a powerful, funny, high spirited essay collection. From growing up on a council estate and her tumultuous relationship with fame to overcoming adversity, finding feminism, and finding herself, these essays chronicle one woman's coming-of-age and coming into herself. A personal journey with universal appeal as girls worldwide continue to battle how they are perceived, who they really are, and what they can be.
For much of her life, Keeley Hazell has been labelled and pigeonholed. Growing up in a poor working-class family made her a certain kind of person (the kind who scrounged for chicken and chips money and once set a car on fire). Becoming a topless model after winning the Sun newspaper's 'Page 3 Idol' competition made her a certain kind of person (one with big boobs and few thoughts, to hear anyone else tell it). And as glittery as being one of the UK's most successful glamour models may seem, Keeley's fairytale success quickly turned into a nightmare. After becoming a victim of revenge porn and a particularly disastrous interview with a high brow British newspaper, Keeley began re-examining her life. She learned about feminism, objectification, and systemic misogyny on a wonderful journey of personal growth, and with a flick of her hair, quit modelling, walked away from a fat pay check, and moved thousands of miles away from everything she had come to know. Reinventing herself as an actress and writer, she starred in award-winning short films, as well as horrors, dramas, and comedies before facing her most challenging job on the massive hit series Ted Lasso - rewriting what it means to be Keeley both on-screen and in real life.
Everyone's Seen My Tits is a powerful, funny, high spirited essay collection. From growing up on a council estate and her tumultuous relationship with fame to overcoming adversity, finding feminism, and finding herself, these essays chronicle one woman's coming-of-age and coming into herself. A personal journey with universal appeal as girls worldwide continue to battle how they are perceived, who they really are, and what they can be.
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Published August 26, 2025
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About the author
Keeley Hazell
1 book9 followersKeeley Rebecca Hazell is an English model and actress. A former Page 3 girl, she also worked with magazines such as FHM, Loaded, Nuts, and Zoo Weekly. She has made numerous television appearances and has appeared in films including Horrible Bosses 2 and the streaming television series Ted Lasso.
Hazell's essay collection, Everyone's Seen My Tits: Stories and Reflections from an Unlikely Feminist, is scheduled to be published by Grand Central Publishing on 26 August 2025.
Hazell's essay collection, Everyone's Seen My Tits: Stories and Reflections from an Unlikely Feminist, is scheduled to be published by Grand Central Publishing on 26 August 2025.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 100 reviews
September 10, 2025
2.5
Well the good news is that I haven't seen Keeley Hazell's tits. I've no plans to either.
I think I expected this to be more of a transformation book about Keeley's life as a model where she learned that money isnt everything and a good education is what got her through. It wasn't.
Keeley started out as a page 3 model (ie topless) for the tabloids. Her sole ambition seemed to be to make a lot of money, date a footballer and not be recognised. Unfortunately she ended up being chased by paparazzi, vilified by the press and had a string of terrible boyfriends. I suspect her worst moment might have been not getting picked to play "herself" in Ted Lasso.
I listened to the audio version which, I admit, probably coloured my enjoyment since Keeley (who has lived in LA for some years) seems to have picked up the irritating habit of replacing the t at the end of words with a d (desperadely, fortunadely, waiding, etc etc). She also has a habit of over-emoting (or emoding) but since she is relating her younger life I guess I should expect that.
I have to say that she's remarkable to have survived a childhood that seemed to include a not very nice sister, poverty, bad housing and two of the most disinterested parents I've come across - what kind of mother doesn't even visit her child in hospital after a car crash?
I'm sure Keeley Hazell is a perfectly lovely person but this book simply wasn't for me. I wish her the best of luck in her writing career.
Thankyou to Netgalley and Hachette Audio for the audio advance review copy.
Well the good news is that I haven't seen Keeley Hazell's tits. I've no plans to either.
I think I expected this to be more of a transformation book about Keeley's life as a model where she learned that money isnt everything and a good education is what got her through. It wasn't.
Keeley started out as a page 3 model (ie topless) for the tabloids. Her sole ambition seemed to be to make a lot of money, date a footballer and not be recognised. Unfortunately she ended up being chased by paparazzi, vilified by the press and had a string of terrible boyfriends. I suspect her worst moment might have been not getting picked to play "herself" in Ted Lasso.
I listened to the audio version which, I admit, probably coloured my enjoyment since Keeley (who has lived in LA for some years) seems to have picked up the irritating habit of replacing the t at the end of words with a d (desperadely, fortunadely, waiding, etc etc). She also has a habit of over-emoting (or emoding) but since she is relating her younger life I guess I should expect that.
I have to say that she's remarkable to have survived a childhood that seemed to include a not very nice sister, poverty, bad housing and two of the most disinterested parents I've come across - what kind of mother doesn't even visit her child in hospital after a car crash?
I'm sure Keeley Hazell is a perfectly lovely person but this book simply wasn't for me. I wish her the best of luck in her writing career.
Thankyou to Netgalley and Hachette Audio for the audio advance review copy.
Read
August 13, 2025prior to reading this memoir, i had no idea who keeley hazell was. it goes without saying that the bold title and cover caught my attention. "everyone's seen my tits" is certainly a book i would pick up while browsing my local bookstore's new releases section. even though i've never watched “ted lasso” and initially didn't know who the author was, i thoroughly enjoyed this book. i found it hard to put down at times, which is an uncommon occurrence for me with nonfiction.
even just the thought of revenge porn is an absolute nightmare for me. i am thankful that in america, laws have been recently put in place to combat revenge porn, but in keeley’s situation over in the UK, there weren’t any legal protections for her. to make matters worse, keeley worked as a page 3 (the british equivalent of playboy) topless model, so people did not take her seriously. if she’s showing her breasts in magazines, why should she care that her ex released intimate content of her? this was incredibly frustrating to read about—i wanted to shake the authorities she spoke with!!
the language of this memoir is extremely accessible. it was so conversational and vulnerable that it felt like i was talking with a close friend about their life story. hazell's diction gave me clear insight into her personality. there were instances where i found myself genuinely chuckling because of how witty she is. if there's one thing i love about the english, it's their dry humor.
despite the title, this is more about keeley hazell's backstory, or her JOURNEY BECOMING an unlikely feminist. we do get some musings and brief commentary on feminism, societal expectations for women, etc, but not nearly as much as i was anticipating. additionally, i think if you’re going into this memoir anticipating a lot of content on “ted lasso”, you’ll probably be disappointed, because that was mainly discussed toward the end and was very brief. the big focus is obviously her experience with revenge porn and being a page 3 model.
thank you to grand central publishing for the complimentary copy.
trigger warnings:
* domestic violence
* death of a friend (graphic)
* substance & alcohol abuse
* childhood trauma & neglect
even just the thought of revenge porn is an absolute nightmare for me. i am thankful that in america, laws have been recently put in place to combat revenge porn, but in keeley’s situation over in the UK, there weren’t any legal protections for her. to make matters worse, keeley worked as a page 3 (the british equivalent of playboy) topless model, so people did not take her seriously. if she’s showing her breasts in magazines, why should she care that her ex released intimate content of her? this was incredibly frustrating to read about—i wanted to shake the authorities she spoke with!!
the language of this memoir is extremely accessible. it was so conversational and vulnerable that it felt like i was talking with a close friend about their life story. hazell's diction gave me clear insight into her personality. there were instances where i found myself genuinely chuckling because of how witty she is. if there's one thing i love about the english, it's their dry humor.
despite the title, this is more about keeley hazell's backstory, or her JOURNEY BECOMING an unlikely feminist. we do get some musings and brief commentary on feminism, societal expectations for women, etc, but not nearly as much as i was anticipating. additionally, i think if you’re going into this memoir anticipating a lot of content on “ted lasso”, you’ll probably be disappointed, because that was mainly discussed toward the end and was very brief. the big focus is obviously her experience with revenge porn and being a page 3 model.
thank you to grand central publishing for the complimentary copy.
trigger warnings:
* domestic violence
* death of a friend (graphic)
* substance & alcohol abuse
* childhood trauma & neglect
August 27, 2025
Funny, not funny. This isn’t a slapstick, raunchy comedy. It’s an intimate, raw and honest account of a woman’s life story that is both exceptional and relatable. Sexism and misogyny in their many forms aren’t humorous but the writing and delivery of this self-narrated memoir are brilliant in their execution and they hit in every way.
Memoirs usually drag and brag. Not this one. Keeley’s raw account and sharp wit tell her story through powerful vignettes that bring to life a complex, evolving person as she grows to understand her self worth as defined by, resisting and sometimes rejecting the norms and expectations put on her by society — as a girl growing up poor in London, as a “page three model,” as an early career model and actor whose life is upended by a doxed sex tape.
In one hilarious scene in which she drunkenly serenades whoever was manning the jail where she spent a night after smashing up some stuff: “I sang until I couldn’t sing and then I must have passed out. I’ve got to say, before Mariah cornered the Christmas market, she really nailed sad white girl music.”
Memoirs usually bore and irritate me but this one is a delight and now I want to be Keeley’s friend and follow her career closely. I can’t wait to see what comes next.
Thanks to NetGalley for an opportunity to read this advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
Memoirs usually drag and brag. Not this one. Keeley’s raw account and sharp wit tell her story through powerful vignettes that bring to life a complex, evolving person as she grows to understand her self worth as defined by, resisting and sometimes rejecting the norms and expectations put on her by society — as a girl growing up poor in London, as a “page three model,” as an early career model and actor whose life is upended by a doxed sex tape.
In one hilarious scene in which she drunkenly serenades whoever was manning the jail where she spent a night after smashing up some stuff: “I sang until I couldn’t sing and then I must have passed out. I’ve got to say, before Mariah cornered the Christmas market, she really nailed sad white girl music.”
Memoirs usually bore and irritate me but this one is a delight and now I want to be Keeley’s friend and follow her career closely. I can’t wait to see what comes next.
Thanks to NetGalley for an opportunity to read this advance reader copy in exchange for an honest review.
December 10, 2025
3 star content rounded up to 4 stars for the likability of our ‘unlikely feminist’ narrator. Feminism is for everyone, including Page 3 models. Messy and cheerfully rambling, Everyone Has Seen My Tits is a memoir with a recognizable voice. I much prefer a breathless confessional like this to sanitized and careful autobiographies like Hilary Clinton's or Michelle Obama’s. Keeley Hazell describing a teenage firestarter phase that ended with her torching an abandoned car had me cackling.
How much you will want to read this book will depend on how much you care to read about a minor celebrity’s journey towards some fairly prosaic realizations: Women are blamed for violence against them, poverty limits mobility choices, daddy issues cause you to crave the wrong men, etc.
Hazell recognizes that she’s treated unfairly due to sexism, but doesn’t examine anything, including herself, too deeply. A good chunk of this book is resentment against people who are born into privileged families and are handed opportunities they didn’t earn. Who can blame her being pissed off about this? Since when do we have to be nice to nepo babies in our memoirs? Drag them hunny!
I dislike autobiographies where you get the impression that the author is holding back. Hazell puts it all out on the page telling us, “I loved smashing glass maybe more than I loved setting things on fire”. Keeley Hazell may be best known for glamorous photos, but I’ll fondly remember her story of barfing spaghetti hoops out her nose while punching a cop in the face.
How much you will want to read this book will depend on how much you care to read about a minor celebrity’s journey towards some fairly prosaic realizations: Women are blamed for violence against them, poverty limits mobility choices, daddy issues cause you to crave the wrong men, etc.
Hazell recognizes that she’s treated unfairly due to sexism, but doesn’t examine anything, including herself, too deeply. A good chunk of this book is resentment against people who are born into privileged families and are handed opportunities they didn’t earn. Who can blame her being pissed off about this? Since when do we have to be nice to nepo babies in our memoirs? Drag them hunny!
I dislike autobiographies where you get the impression that the author is holding back. Hazell puts it all out on the page telling us, “I loved smashing glass maybe more than I loved setting things on fire”. Keeley Hazell may be best known for glamorous photos, but I’ll fondly remember her story of barfing spaghetti hoops out her nose while punching a cop in the face.
September 17, 2025
Keeley Hazell’s Everyone's Seen My Tits is a bold, unfiltered memoir that attempts to balance humor, heartbreak, and feminist reflection through the lens of a woman best known for her tabloid past. It's not a typical celebrity memoir—and that's both its charm and its Achilles’ heel.
Hazell is at her best when she leans into vulnerability. Her recollections of childhood instability, the objectification she experienced as a glamour model, and her attempts to redefine herself beyond her body are raw and affecting. There’s a clear sense that she’s working through complicated personal and public histories, and those moments—when she drops the jokes and writes from the gut—carry emotional weight.
But for every moment of clarity, there’s another that feels muddled or underdeveloped. The tone jumps between self-deprecation, self-empowerment, and satire in ways that sometimes feel disjointed rather than dynamic. The feminist thread woven throughout is sincere, though often more personal than political—less a deep dive into systemic critique and more a reflection of one woman’s ongoing reckoning with identity and agency.
Stylistically, Hazell’s voice is breezy and conversational, and there are plenty of genuinely funny lines. But the structure can feel chaotic—like a stream-of-consciousness blog stitched together with half-formed reflections and sudden shifts in tone. The narrative isn’t tightly constructed, and that may be intentional, mirroring the messiness of real life and self-reinvention.
Everyone’s Seen My Tits doesn’t pretend to be anything it’s not. It’s messy, vulnerable, sometimes insightful, sometimes cringe—but always unapologetically Keeley. It offers a unique perspective on fame, femininity, and reinvention, even if it doesn’t always know exactly what it wants to say.
Hazell is at her best when she leans into vulnerability. Her recollections of childhood instability, the objectification she experienced as a glamour model, and her attempts to redefine herself beyond her body are raw and affecting. There’s a clear sense that she’s working through complicated personal and public histories, and those moments—when she drops the jokes and writes from the gut—carry emotional weight.
But for every moment of clarity, there’s another that feels muddled or underdeveloped. The tone jumps between self-deprecation, self-empowerment, and satire in ways that sometimes feel disjointed rather than dynamic. The feminist thread woven throughout is sincere, though often more personal than political—less a deep dive into systemic critique and more a reflection of one woman’s ongoing reckoning with identity and agency.
Stylistically, Hazell’s voice is breezy and conversational, and there are plenty of genuinely funny lines. But the structure can feel chaotic—like a stream-of-consciousness blog stitched together with half-formed reflections and sudden shifts in tone. The narrative isn’t tightly constructed, and that may be intentional, mirroring the messiness of real life and self-reinvention.
Everyone’s Seen My Tits doesn’t pretend to be anything it’s not. It’s messy, vulnerable, sometimes insightful, sometimes cringe—but always unapologetically Keeley. It offers a unique perspective on fame, femininity, and reinvention, even if it doesn’t always know exactly what it wants to say.
August 25, 2025
▪️From growing up on a council estate and her tumultuous relationship with fame to overcoming adversity, finding feminism, and finding herself, these essays chronicle one woman's coming-of-age and coming into herself. A personal journey with universal appeal as girls worldwide continue to battle how they are perceived, who they really are, and what they can be▪️
I was instantly drawn to this book by its title and cover and sold when I saw the author. As a Ted Lasso fan, where the main character Keeley is named for and based on her, I didn't know much about the actual Keeley. FYI: I'm glad I got to know the REAL her.
I grew up in the same era as Keeley. Heck, even my name was almost Keeley when I was born. Because of this, I related to her. Despite being from different countries, I saw my own childhood and upbringing reflected in hers, and a lot of her sentiments mirrored my own.
After becoming a page 3 model, her life was a whirlwind. Reading this book felt like its own TV series or movie. A few times when she'd mention her age at the time of an incident, I was gobsmacked at what she experienced so young. Yet here she is: darkly funny, unflinchingly honest, smart, resilient and beautifully authentic. Her ruminations on what it takes to be a woman in today's world and the tricky conflicting views of what feminism means are enlightening.
If you're looking for BTS gossip of Ted Lasso, you won't find it here; this is Keeley's story, her life. In fact, what is said on that subject by the end was eye opening to me, and my heart ached for Keeley thinking of how insane that whole situation clearly feels to her. But you'll need to read her story first if you want to know that.
🎙️ Nothing makes a memoir type of book feel even more personal than hearing it narrated by the author themself. It was an added joy to pair my book with audio. (It also felt full circle that Keeley finally got to portray herself to tell her story.)
✨ Thank you to Grand Central Publishing for my free copy and Hachette Audio for my ALC!
Pub date: 8•26•2025
I was instantly drawn to this book by its title and cover and sold when I saw the author. As a Ted Lasso fan, where the main character Keeley is named for and based on her, I didn't know much about the actual Keeley. FYI: I'm glad I got to know the REAL her.
I grew up in the same era as Keeley. Heck, even my name was almost Keeley when I was born. Because of this, I related to her. Despite being from different countries, I saw my own childhood and upbringing reflected in hers, and a lot of her sentiments mirrored my own.
After becoming a page 3 model, her life was a whirlwind. Reading this book felt like its own TV series or movie. A few times when she'd mention her age at the time of an incident, I was gobsmacked at what she experienced so young. Yet here she is: darkly funny, unflinchingly honest, smart, resilient and beautifully authentic. Her ruminations on what it takes to be a woman in today's world and the tricky conflicting views of what feminism means are enlightening.
If you're looking for BTS gossip of Ted Lasso, you won't find it here; this is Keeley's story, her life. In fact, what is said on that subject by the end was eye opening to me, and my heart ached for Keeley thinking of how insane that whole situation clearly feels to her. But you'll need to read her story first if you want to know that.
🎙️ Nothing makes a memoir type of book feel even more personal than hearing it narrated by the author themself. It was an added joy to pair my book with audio. (It also felt full circle that Keeley finally got to portray herself to tell her story.)
✨ Thank you to Grand Central Publishing for my free copy and Hachette Audio for my ALC!
Pub date: 8•26•2025
August 29, 2025
Did I know who Keeley was before picking up this book? Absolutely not. Did the cover and title completely pull me in? Without a doubt.
This memoir was such a delight. Reading it felt like sitting with your best friend over bottomless mimosas on a Chicago rooftop in the middle of summer—equal parts gossip, raw confession, and unexpected depth. There’s plenty of humor, a touch of trauma, and, best of all, a real sense of growth and healing woven throughout. It’s messy in a raw way, and that’s what makes it so fun.
This memoir was such a delight. Reading it felt like sitting with your best friend over bottomless mimosas on a Chicago rooftop in the middle of summer—equal parts gossip, raw confession, and unexpected depth. There’s plenty of humor, a touch of trauma, and, best of all, a real sense of growth and healing woven throughout. It’s messy in a raw way, and that’s what makes it so fun.
August 26, 2025
Happy Release Day!! I HIGHLY recommend this audiobook and book! ❤️
FIVE STAR ALERT!!!
Keeley Hazell is brilliant, hilarious, and emotional in 'Everyone's Seen My Tits'. This is one of the funniest audiobooks I have ever listened to!! I was laughing out loud from beginning to end. I could not stop listening! The audio quality was superb. Keeley Hazell's narration was colorful and animated. Her voice is addicting to listen to. And she brought the perfect insight into her life and personal stories. I could really relate to her and I also learned so much about her career and about womanhood in general. It felt like the best FaceTime conversation I've ever had. Keeley's stories were introspective and gave me everything I wanted in an autobiography. She is most definitely my favorite type of feminist and brings immense knowledge to the table, along with some girl talk. It's too good!
Thank you to Hachette Audio, Grand Central Publishing, and NetGalley for a free copy of the audiobook in exchange for my honest review!
FIVE STAR ALERT!!!
Keeley Hazell is brilliant, hilarious, and emotional in 'Everyone's Seen My Tits'. This is one of the funniest audiobooks I have ever listened to!! I was laughing out loud from beginning to end. I could not stop listening! The audio quality was superb. Keeley Hazell's narration was colorful and animated. Her voice is addicting to listen to. And she brought the perfect insight into her life and personal stories. I could really relate to her and I also learned so much about her career and about womanhood in general. It felt like the best FaceTime conversation I've ever had. Keeley's stories were introspective and gave me everything I wanted in an autobiography. She is most definitely my favorite type of feminist and brings immense knowledge to the table, along with some girl talk. It's too good!
Thank you to Hachette Audio, Grand Central Publishing, and NetGalley for a free copy of the audiobook in exchange for my honest review!
September 10, 2025
Keeley Hazell’s memoir is as cheeky as its title and a lot sharper, too. She dishes on her Page 3 fame, Hollywood struggles, and the strange business of being ogled for a living—then flips it into a witty, self-aware commentary on identity and ambition. One of the juiciest tidbits? Hazell claims she was the inspiration for the Keeley character in Ted Lasso, which makes the book feel like you’ve stumbled into the DVD commentary for your favorite show, only with more sequins.
The pacing meanders here and there, but Hazell’s candor and humor hold it together. Equal parts confessional and cultural critique, it’s a gutsy, funny read that proves her voice deserves just as much attention as her image. Come for the scandalous title, stay for the Ted Lasso trivia.
The pacing meanders here and there, but Hazell’s candor and humor hold it together. Equal parts confessional and cultural critique, it’s a gutsy, funny read that proves her voice deserves just as much attention as her image. Come for the scandalous title, stay for the Ted Lasso trivia.
August 14, 2025
I have watched Ted Lasso (not a super fan like the rest of you, but alas!) but otherwise I had not heard too much about Keeley Hazell @keeleyhazell- But now I am now a fangirl of this whip smart lady who is just trying to figure shit out in her own way. Thanks to @grandcentralpub for the review copy.
You give me a memoir about a bad ass bitch who tries to use what she has while understanding the complexities of our screwed up world, and I will read it. Keeley makes some bang on points about the difficulties of being a woman. "Being a woman is messy. It's confusing. It's full of contradictions." We can be sexy but not smart, we can be judged on our brains today, and tomorrow our looks. The whole thing is a mess and Keeley, former page 3 girl, glamour model and the victim of "sex revenge" knows better than most.
I appreciate that Keeley is never pitying, but trying to better understand her connection to trauma, her past, her poverty, her family and being more. More than she comes from.
She has some really funny stories, some sad stories, and some inspiring stories, but overall this collection is a real treat.
It comes out on August 26th!
You give me a memoir about a bad ass bitch who tries to use what she has while understanding the complexities of our screwed up world, and I will read it. Keeley makes some bang on points about the difficulties of being a woman. "Being a woman is messy. It's confusing. It's full of contradictions." We can be sexy but not smart, we can be judged on our brains today, and tomorrow our looks. The whole thing is a mess and Keeley, former page 3 girl, glamour model and the victim of "sex revenge" knows better than most.
I appreciate that Keeley is never pitying, but trying to better understand her connection to trauma, her past, her poverty, her family and being more. More than she comes from.
She has some really funny stories, some sad stories, and some inspiring stories, but overall this collection is a real treat.
It comes out on August 26th!
August 14, 2025
Thank you NetGalley and Grand Central publishing for the ARC.
A disjointed memoir of essays where Hazell discusses the hardships she’s endured in life — an abusive father, abusive relationships, the selling of a sex tape by an ex — under the guise of it helping her realize she is an “unlikely feminist”, except she doesn’t really discuss how these things helped her better understand the meaning of feminism and what it means to her. While entertaining at times, the gratuitous use of rape as a description to how she feels about certain situations is off putting as hell.
A disjointed memoir of essays where Hazell discusses the hardships she’s endured in life — an abusive father, abusive relationships, the selling of a sex tape by an ex — under the guise of it helping her realize she is an “unlikely feminist”, except she doesn’t really discuss how these things helped her better understand the meaning of feminism and what it means to her. While entertaining at times, the gratuitous use of rape as a description to how she feels about certain situations is off putting as hell.
September 4, 2025
I wanted to read this book because I was curious about the real Keeley. How she was the inspiration behind Keeley Jones in Ted Lasso and also a writer for the show.
Unfortunately it wasn’t that inspirational.
I know lines like:
'Modeling, I’ve come to realize, is a lot of standing around like a lemon trying to keep your eyes open. '
Sound funny, but on a deeper level they’re also deeply disrespectful. And that tone continues through out this whole book. Every carrier opportunity is frowned upon.
There’s little to no gratitude and it’s full of contradictions. And the whole chapter regarding the TL show is seriously delusional. I can’t even explain, but I’m really glad she didn’t play herself and we got Juno instead.
Guess I was hoping for girlpower and empowerment and a funny and positive book, this isn’t it.
Unfortunately it wasn’t that inspirational.
I know lines like:
'Modeling, I’ve come to realize, is a lot of standing around like a lemon trying to keep your eyes open. '
Sound funny, but on a deeper level they’re also deeply disrespectful. And that tone continues through out this whole book. Every carrier opportunity is frowned upon.
There’s little to no gratitude and it’s full of contradictions. And the whole chapter regarding the TL show is seriously delusional. I can’t even explain, but I’m really glad she didn’t play herself and we got Juno instead.
Guess I was hoping for girlpower and empowerment and a funny and positive book, this isn’t it.
August 27, 2025
(•)(•) 𝐴𝑢𝑑𝑖𝑜𝑏𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑅𝑒𝑣𝑖𝑒𝑤 (•)(•)
“𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑚𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒, 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑣𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒.”
For the first time ever, Keeley Hazell, at 16, becomes financially independent as a page 3 model.
In this brave new world, she lives her best life.
But her financial freedom through glamour modeling is quickly transmuted into sexual objectification.
In other words? She involuntarily becomes a sex symbol.
And, eventually, Keeley learns what happens when the job you love gives you a reputation you never asked for…
• You’re thought of as having nothing to offer but sex.
• You question whether you deserve sexual privacy.
• Your trauma becomes entertainment.
• You’re blamed for men’s actions.
• Everyone makes money off your body except for you.
Keeley narrates this audiobook herself, and she puts everything she has into it. It’s a one-woman show. It’s a performance. It’s a rallying cry.
You hear the sadness, the rage, the panic, the trauma, the betrayal. You hear her on the verge of tears, you hear the catch in her throat as she recounts trying to figure out who she is in a world where a man’s vengeful actions publicly mislabeled her “a porn star.”
But she never runs away. She fights. And it’s with this strength that she reiterates to women everywhere that the injustices we will face aren’t enough to break us as long as we fight back.
Everyone’s Seen My Tits is saturated with cut-your-throat, nail-biting poignancy, humor, and unbridled soul-bearing truth.
So, pour yourself a drink, grab your besties, and strap in for this unapologetic, hilarious, gut-wrenching, and applaud-worthy memoir.
“𝑇ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑚𝑦 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒, 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝐼 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑒𝑖𝑣𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓. 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑣𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒.”
For the first time ever, Keeley Hazell, at 16, becomes financially independent as a page 3 model.
In this brave new world, she lives her best life.
But her financial freedom through glamour modeling is quickly transmuted into sexual objectification.
In other words? She involuntarily becomes a sex symbol.
And, eventually, Keeley learns what happens when the job you love gives you a reputation you never asked for…
• You’re thought of as having nothing to offer but sex.
• You question whether you deserve sexual privacy.
• Your trauma becomes entertainment.
• You’re blamed for men’s actions.
• Everyone makes money off your body except for you.
Keeley narrates this audiobook herself, and she puts everything she has into it. It’s a one-woman show. It’s a performance. It’s a rallying cry.
You hear the sadness, the rage, the panic, the trauma, the betrayal. You hear her on the verge of tears, you hear the catch in her throat as she recounts trying to figure out who she is in a world where a man’s vengeful actions publicly mislabeled her “a porn star.”
But she never runs away. She fights. And it’s with this strength that she reiterates to women everywhere that the injustices we will face aren’t enough to break us as long as we fight back.
Everyone’s Seen My Tits is saturated with cut-your-throat, nail-biting poignancy, humor, and unbridled soul-bearing truth.
So, pour yourself a drink, grab your besties, and strap in for this unapologetic, hilarious, gut-wrenching, and applaud-worthy memoir.
August 6, 2025
Wow, that was powerful.
I typically don’t gravitate toward non-fiction, but I try to read one book a month in the genre and often lean toward memoirs, especially as audiobooks. It’s the one time I genuinely appreciate authors narrating their own work, as it makes the experience so much more personal.
This book offers a unique and unfiltered insight into the entertainment industry, as well as the emotional toll of having one’s private life exposed—often by the very people who claimed to love them.
Keeley Hazell gets incredibly vulnerable, opening up about deeply personal moments in a way that delivers a powerful reflection on what it means to be a woman in today’s world. I had never heard of her before requesting this book, but now I’ll definitely be seeking out her work. Her authenticity and candor completely won me over.
Her narration was fantastic. She spoke at a perfect pace, which brought the stories to life and added depth to each moment she shared.
The book releases on August 26, 2025, in all formats. If you enjoy memoirs that are equal parts cheeky, tragic, and uplifting, don’t miss this one.
I am thankful to have gotten a complimentary audio ALC from Hachette Audio through NetGalley to read which gave me the opportunity to voluntarily leave a review.
My general rating system is below. Since I primarily read ARC books I rate according to how I think like minded readers will receive the book. I will round up or down depending on many factors and try not to let my personal wants affect a books ratings.
⭐️ Hated It but pushed through as I don’t DNF ARCs I have received.
⭐️⭐️ Had a lot of trouble, prose issues, content issues, poorly edited.
⭐️⭐️⭐️ Meh, it was an ok read but it had something that stopped me from rounding up. Usually the book may have much more potential than what was given. I recommend it but with reservations.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I Really enjoyed it or think others will. These are solid reads that I definitely would recommend for a variety of reasons.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Outstanding! These are books that remain rent free in my head for well after unfinished the book. It can be for a variety of reasons from being very well written or just the vibes that captured my mind. These books are also ones I would probably read again
I typically don’t gravitate toward non-fiction, but I try to read one book a month in the genre and often lean toward memoirs, especially as audiobooks. It’s the one time I genuinely appreciate authors narrating their own work, as it makes the experience so much more personal.
This book offers a unique and unfiltered insight into the entertainment industry, as well as the emotional toll of having one’s private life exposed—often by the very people who claimed to love them.
Keeley Hazell gets incredibly vulnerable, opening up about deeply personal moments in a way that delivers a powerful reflection on what it means to be a woman in today’s world. I had never heard of her before requesting this book, but now I’ll definitely be seeking out her work. Her authenticity and candor completely won me over.
Her narration was fantastic. She spoke at a perfect pace, which brought the stories to life and added depth to each moment she shared.
The book releases on August 26, 2025, in all formats. If you enjoy memoirs that are equal parts cheeky, tragic, and uplifting, don’t miss this one.
I am thankful to have gotten a complimentary audio ALC from Hachette Audio through NetGalley to read which gave me the opportunity to voluntarily leave a review.
My general rating system is below. Since I primarily read ARC books I rate according to how I think like minded readers will receive the book. I will round up or down depending on many factors and try not to let my personal wants affect a books ratings.
⭐️ Hated It but pushed through as I don’t DNF ARCs I have received.
⭐️⭐️ Had a lot of trouble, prose issues, content issues, poorly edited.
⭐️⭐️⭐️ Meh, it was an ok read but it had something that stopped me from rounding up. Usually the book may have much more potential than what was given. I recommend it but with reservations.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ I Really enjoyed it or think others will. These are solid reads that I definitely would recommend for a variety of reasons.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ Outstanding! These are books that remain rent free in my head for well after unfinished the book. It can be for a variety of reasons from being very well written or just the vibes that captured my mind. These books are also ones I would probably read again
August 23, 2025
I didn’t know who Keeley Hazell was before reading this book, although the name sounded familiar to me. (I later discovered that it is also the name of a fictional character in Ted Lasso.) In Everyone’s Seen My Tits, Keeley shares her personal journey from growing up in a ‘poor’ family in South London to becoming a ‘Page 3’ icon. Just when her modeling career seemed to be going well, she became a victim of revenge porn. This incident led her to reflect deeply on her experiences as a woman without privilege, and she subsequently explored new paths in acting and writing.
Listening to the audiobook, I could sense Keeley’s cheerful spirit despite the many challenges and setbacks she has faced, including a difficult childhood and toxic relationships. This is not an easy book to listen to, as it continually reveals shocking stories. As a listener, it was a powerful experience to witness Keeley’s growth throughout the memoir. Overall, this book is raw and unfiltered, but it is a compelling story about feminism and personal resilience.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Audio for providing an advance copy of the audiobook.
Listening to the audiobook, I could sense Keeley’s cheerful spirit despite the many challenges and setbacks she has faced, including a difficult childhood and toxic relationships. This is not an easy book to listen to, as it continually reveals shocking stories. As a listener, it was a powerful experience to witness Keeley’s growth throughout the memoir. Overall, this book is raw and unfiltered, but it is a compelling story about feminism and personal resilience.
Thank you to NetGalley and Hachette Audio for providing an advance copy of the audiobook.
August 9, 2025
Thank you NetGalley and Hachette Audio | Grand Central Publishing for the advanced audiobook in exchange for my honest review.
This is the memoir of Keeley Hazell, a British woman born in a working-class family in 1986. You'll read about her unstable childhood house, her rocky adolescence and her career as a glamour model. About her heartbreaks, traumas as a DV victim, her move to LA and her attempt at having a career as an actor.
I love memoirs, and I specially love listening to memoirs when the author is also the narrator. Keeley Hazell narrates the book with so much passion and emotion that it feels like you're listening to your best friend telling you her life story and you cannot stop.
I know nothing about growing up in the UK and I haven't watched Ted Lasso so this person and her story was brand new to me. I learned a lot about growing up in lower London that I never knew before. The details of a misogynistic, sexist society made my blood boil. This book made me so so angry, and I want everyone to read it and feel the same anger from how unfair and unjust this world is. It's hard to believe some events of this book happened only 10-15 years ago in the UK, can you imagine what stories women in the less progressive countries have to tell? I applaud Keeley Hazell for being so vulnerable and not holding back because even though we're now living in a more "open minded" society, we have not reached full gender equality and we still have a long way to go.
One of my favourite excerpts from the book:
"Many years later, I'd date a male model who had a massive scar across his stomach and salt and pepper hair. His scar was a sex symbol that added to his appeal. Photographers wanted to photograph it. If the same scar had been on a woman, it would've been treated very differently. She'd only be photographed as part of an art school meant to empower women by celebrating their imperfections. She'd be labeled brave and the interviewers would ask how she came to accept this obvious imperfection of hers."
This is the memoir of Keeley Hazell, a British woman born in a working-class family in 1986. You'll read about her unstable childhood house, her rocky adolescence and her career as a glamour model. About her heartbreaks, traumas as a DV victim, her move to LA and her attempt at having a career as an actor.
I love memoirs, and I specially love listening to memoirs when the author is also the narrator. Keeley Hazell narrates the book with so much passion and emotion that it feels like you're listening to your best friend telling you her life story and you cannot stop.
I know nothing about growing up in the UK and I haven't watched Ted Lasso so this person and her story was brand new to me. I learned a lot about growing up in lower London that I never knew before. The details of a misogynistic, sexist society made my blood boil. This book made me so so angry, and I want everyone to read it and feel the same anger from how unfair and unjust this world is. It's hard to believe some events of this book happened only 10-15 years ago in the UK, can you imagine what stories women in the less progressive countries have to tell? I applaud Keeley Hazell for being so vulnerable and not holding back because even though we're now living in a more "open minded" society, we have not reached full gender equality and we still have a long way to go.
One of my favourite excerpts from the book:
"Many years later, I'd date a male model who had a massive scar across his stomach and salt and pepper hair. His scar was a sex symbol that added to his appeal. Photographers wanted to photograph it. If the same scar had been on a woman, it would've been treated very differently. She'd only be photographed as part of an art school meant to empower women by celebrating their imperfections. She'd be labeled brave and the interviewers would ask how she came to accept this obvious imperfection of hers."
Read
October 16, 2025Thank you to @hachetteaudio and @netgalley for an advanced listener copy.
I loved this memoir. And I loved that the author read it even more! I think I could listen to her speak all day. To be honest, I didn’t know anything about Keeley Hazell before listening to her book. I only requested it because I knew Keeley’s character on Ted Lasso was based off of her. After listening to her story and her struggles with this, I wish that wasn’t the reason I picked it up. I laughed out loud multiple times and was so mad for her at times. Overall, I enjoyed learning about her life, super interesting, and highly recommend.
I loved this memoir. And I loved that the author read it even more! I think I could listen to her speak all day. To be honest, I didn’t know anything about Keeley Hazell before listening to her book. I only requested it because I knew Keeley’s character on Ted Lasso was based off of her. After listening to her story and her struggles with this, I wish that wasn’t the reason I picked it up. I laughed out loud multiple times and was so mad for her at times. Overall, I enjoyed learning about her life, super interesting, and highly recommend.
August 16, 2025
I absolutely LOVED this one. I went in not knowing who the author is but, the title intrigued me and I was not disappointed. Keeley is hilarious and such a good storyteller- at times it felt like she was my bestie sending me a voice memo. She had me laughing but, also crying as she talked about her life experiences. I could not put this one down and I was actually sad when it was over. Thank you Keeley for this masterpiece & telling your story and i'm grateful I got to hear it.
thank you to the publishers and netgalley for the ARC!
thank you to the publishers and netgalley for the ARC!
October 16, 2025
Everyone’s Seen My Tits is clearly an eye catching title and cover but Keeley Hazell shows up with the depth and cheeky smarts throughout. The grit and determination that has proven her success, the insanity and tumultuous relationships and hurdles she’s had to overcome. While Hazell could be left bitter from the cards dealt, somehow humor and vulnerability shine through.
Everyone’s Seen My Tits is a must read for those who love:
💕 Nonfiction/Memoirs
💕 Coming of Age and Feminism
💕 Laugh out loud moments with a dose of emotional steamrolling
Everyone’s Seen My Tits is a must read for those who love:
💕 Nonfiction/Memoirs
💕 Coming of Age and Feminism
💕 Laugh out loud moments with a dose of emotional steamrolling
August 9, 2025
As soon as this book arrived and I took it out of the packaging my husband took one look at the title and the author and said “yep”. That one statement really set the stage for this book for me. Imagine being seen as the girl who posed topless. How does one overcome being scene as more? A very compelling and powerful memoir.
Thank you Grand Central Publishing for the complimentary copy.
Thank you Grand Central Publishing for the complimentary copy.
August 14, 2025
Absolutely loved hearing Keeley’s story… the real Keeley! For fans of The Royals, Ted Lasso, Page 3 and women paving their own way. Keeley has overcome extraordinary circumstances and has so much to show for herself. She is an inspiration to keep going.
Thank you to Hatchette Audio and NetGalley for the opportunity to listen to and review this book in advance of it’s release!
Thank you to Hatchette Audio and NetGalley for the opportunity to listen to and review this book in advance of it’s release!
September 11, 2025
You have to wonder how much of a feminist someone can be when they’ve previously listed Maggie Thatcher as a personal hero, hangs around with an alleged abuser, and promotes their work with the spectator
November 18, 2025
This was like an extended version of my favorite show, "Footballers' Wives." I loved it.
Read
December 16, 2025A quick and funny read and a good reminder that it is a privilege to have time to think about levels of oppression. Keeley has tremendous insight and has clearly done some deep learning. I won’t be able to rewatch Ted Lasso without being pissed on her behalf.
September 26, 2025
I spent most of this book thinking what the freak? This girl has been seriously abused, but there is definitely this arc of resilience throughout. Would I call this feminist? Not particularly - she does one Hail Mary chapter at the end linking all of these struggles to feminism, but idk idk it’s tenuous. I can’t say I particularly ENJOYED this book because truly some of it is just insane abuse, but she’s certainly determined, funny, and talented!!!
August 16, 2025
Thank you to netgalley for sending me this arc.
Unfortunately whilst I found the book funny at times, it was disappointing for something described as ‘reflections from an unlikely feminist’. The total lack of exploration of these so called feminine reflections just makes for a rather repetitive and disjointed rehashing of the life of a woman I’ve never heard of! Filled with lots of ‘it’s not fair’ and random name drops it was not what I expected from the description at all. A fine read if that’s what you want, but I expected more of a discussion on how society has treated her because of her early career! Not for me personally.
Unfortunately whilst I found the book funny at times, it was disappointing for something described as ‘reflections from an unlikely feminist’. The total lack of exploration of these so called feminine reflections just makes for a rather repetitive and disjointed rehashing of the life of a woman I’ve never heard of! Filled with lots of ‘it’s not fair’ and random name drops it was not what I expected from the description at all. A fine read if that’s what you want, but I expected more of a discussion on how society has treated her because of her early career! Not for me personally.
September 17, 2025
Keeley Hazell writes a raw, real, and often funny account of her own life. From a difficult and abusive childhood, growing up running the streets, using “page 3” topless modeling to escape poverty, and facing the realities of betrayal and objectification by a system we’re all bound to, her account shares what many women face and fear. This book took me by surprise, as someone who wasn’t familiar with her work, the title very much jumped out at me, but to read through her lens of growth, maturity, and surviving the odds despite many setbacks and hardships was nothing short of inspiring.
From beginning to end Hazell writes in a way that makes you feel like a close confidante swapping stories in the dead of night. From reminiscing over first loves, and humbly discussing other less satisfying firsts we get a truly intimate look at how the decisions of those around her, and the influences she faced helped to shape the way she saw herself. Many of us can relate to her tales of highs and lows, of silly teenage mistakes, and the power of Mariah Carey over sad white girls.
Throughout her journey through the past we get many glimpses of her thoughts on those moments, coming from a place of understanding. She opens with an interview where the journalist simply asked, “Are you a feminist?”. Having no familiarity with the term she fakes her way through an answer, but this causes her to take a moment to find what that truly means. When your entire world is centered on survival, you don’t take the time to examine and question the world around you. Why did she feel so pressured to behave a certain way, to always have a man, to follow rules that the men in her life don’t. When she is later betrayed through a revenge video she tries to find hope her career isn’t over for good. Why is it that only men who do sex work are forgiven, but the women seem to lose everything but the chance at Playboy spreads and reality TV?
I’m very familiar with research and first hand accounts of how sex work at all levels can contribute to a person’s outlook on the world, and themselves. Pushed into a box where men feel that they own you, that whatever happens to you is your own fault. We all face at some time that we are all in some ways prison to the societal rules we’ve been given since birth. Her powerful account of the inner turmoil, the effects on her family, and the effects on her self worth, shows how moments can define who we are at a fundamental level. We rarely know who we are at 18 years old, but when you’re told in your formative years you’re “only good for one thing” it can be hard to find anything else worthy within yourself.
It was beautiful to see that through therapy, and research she’s taken the time to understand why things shaped her, but to own the ways she is in control of her life. Healing can happen, with a bit of time and understanding, choosing to acknowledge what has happened, but not let shame hold you. Even in the darkest of events, there is always a chance for a new happiness, a new outlook, and new opportunities if we don’t give up on ourselves.
Quotes that stuck out:
“It’s hard to know who you are at eighteen, especially when you value one thing and the world seems to value another.”
“The underlying message of it always being the same: You have nothing to offer but sex.”
“Ironically, out of all the girls I knew and were friends with, the Page 3 and glamour models were the most insecure about their bodies, because every part of our physique was dissected, scrutinized, and held up for judgment.”
“I didn’t want to change my name just to comply with societal rules and, in doing so, submit to the idea that I should feel ashamed or embarrassed for what had happened to me.”
Thank you NetGalley for the opportunity to review this book, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
From beginning to end Hazell writes in a way that makes you feel like a close confidante swapping stories in the dead of night. From reminiscing over first loves, and humbly discussing other less satisfying firsts we get a truly intimate look at how the decisions of those around her, and the influences she faced helped to shape the way she saw herself. Many of us can relate to her tales of highs and lows, of silly teenage mistakes, and the power of Mariah Carey over sad white girls.
Throughout her journey through the past we get many glimpses of her thoughts on those moments, coming from a place of understanding. She opens with an interview where the journalist simply asked, “Are you a feminist?”. Having no familiarity with the term she fakes her way through an answer, but this causes her to take a moment to find what that truly means. When your entire world is centered on survival, you don’t take the time to examine and question the world around you. Why did she feel so pressured to behave a certain way, to always have a man, to follow rules that the men in her life don’t. When she is later betrayed through a revenge video she tries to find hope her career isn’t over for good. Why is it that only men who do sex work are forgiven, but the women seem to lose everything but the chance at Playboy spreads and reality TV?
I’m very familiar with research and first hand accounts of how sex work at all levels can contribute to a person’s outlook on the world, and themselves. Pushed into a box where men feel that they own you, that whatever happens to you is your own fault. We all face at some time that we are all in some ways prison to the societal rules we’ve been given since birth. Her powerful account of the inner turmoil, the effects on her family, and the effects on her self worth, shows how moments can define who we are at a fundamental level. We rarely know who we are at 18 years old, but when you’re told in your formative years you’re “only good for one thing” it can be hard to find anything else worthy within yourself.
It was beautiful to see that through therapy, and research she’s taken the time to understand why things shaped her, but to own the ways she is in control of her life. Healing can happen, with a bit of time and understanding, choosing to acknowledge what has happened, but not let shame hold you. Even in the darkest of events, there is always a chance for a new happiness, a new outlook, and new opportunities if we don’t give up on ourselves.
Quotes that stuck out:
“It’s hard to know who you are at eighteen, especially when you value one thing and the world seems to value another.”
“The underlying message of it always being the same: You have nothing to offer but sex.”
“Ironically, out of all the girls I knew and were friends with, the Page 3 and glamour models were the most insecure about their bodies, because every part of our physique was dissected, scrutinized, and held up for judgment.”
“I didn’t want to change my name just to comply with societal rules and, in doing so, submit to the idea that I should feel ashamed or embarrassed for what had happened to me.”
Thank you NetGalley for the opportunity to review this book, all thoughts and opinions are my own.
August 31, 2025
You ever start a memoir thinking you’re in for light celebrity gossip and maybe a saucy behind-the-scenes peek at British tabloid fame, only to be emotionally steamrolled by a woman baring her whole soul with zero filter and the kind of dry wit that could gut a man at fifty paces? That’s Everyone’s Seen My Tits by Keeley Hazell. And yes, she narrates it herself. And yes, it sounds exactly like if your funniest, most chaotic friend cornered you at brunch with, “Okay, so you remember that time I accidentally became a sex symbol and then burned my entire life down trying to escape the patriarchy? Pour me a mimosa, babe.”
Here’s the setup: Keeley Hazell was born broke, beautiful, and determined not to let either define her forever. She grew up scraping together chip money in a rough part of London, became a Page 3 model, and spent the next decade watching the world reduce her to her bra size. What the tabloids didn’t show? The humiliation of revenge porn, the inner emotional landmine that is parental trauma, and the brutal, slow-motion disaster of realizing your dream career might never love you back. This book isn’t just her telling us what happened, it’s her telling us exactly how it felt, with an unapologetic mix of rage, humor, and that kind of “I’ve done therapy and it shows” self-awareness that makes her both brutally honest and deeply lovable.
Each chapter hits like a late-night voice memo you weren’t emotionally prepared for. One minute she’s roasting her exes into ash (deserved), the next she’s talking about poverty, shame, or objectification with surgical precision. Her definition of feminism isn’t out of a textbook, it’s earned in the trenches. This isn’t an academic TED Talk, it’s a war cry from a woman who’s been publicly undressed in every way possible and still refuses to disappear. And through it all, she’s funny. Not “teehee” funny, like, sharp, take-no-prisoners, British gallows humor that’ll make you laugh while reeling from the emotional sucker punch she just threw.
The audiobook version, narrated by Keeley herself, adds a whole other layer of intimacy to the experience. It’s not just a reading, it’s a performance. You hear every eye roll, every lump in her throat, every moment where she’s clearly reliving something that still hurts. It’s messy and alive in all the best ways. There are points where she’s clearly furious, and you feel it right in your bones. And then suddenly she’s making you laugh with some absolutely deranged story about teenage chaos or actor rejection, and it’s like emotional whiplash in the best way possible.
And yes, the Ted Lasso of it all does come up, but if you’re hoping for a behind-the-scenes love letter to the Apple TV juggernaut, you’re in the wrong pub, babes. This isn’t a “look how great that show is” moment, it’s a reckoning with how strange and painful it is to watch the most public, sanitized version of your life succeed without you. Keeley Hazell doesn’t hate Juno Temple, but she damn well mourns not getting to play the more polished version of herself. And honestly? That grief is earned. Watching someone else become your avatar of redemption has got to be a surreal brand of heartbreak, and she doesn’t shy away from the messiness of that.
But let’s talk about the real twist. For all its grit, trauma, and righteous anger, this memoir is ultimately a story about hope. Reinvention. That weird, beautiful stubbornness to believe you’re more than what the world decided you were. She doesn’t tie it all up in a bow, but she does leave you feeling like she’s still becoming, which somehow feels like the most feminist thing of all.
This was a four-star read that felt like both a confessional and a call to arms. Come for the tits, stay for the emotional catharsis and biting commentary on a culture that loves to devour women and pretend it's empowerment.
Huge thanks to Hachette Audio and NetGalley for the advanced audiobook. Y’all really said, “Wanna spiral into feminist rage while also laughing at one woman’s truly unhinged teenage decisions?” And I said yes. Loudly. With my whole chest.
Here’s the setup: Keeley Hazell was born broke, beautiful, and determined not to let either define her forever. She grew up scraping together chip money in a rough part of London, became a Page 3 model, and spent the next decade watching the world reduce her to her bra size. What the tabloids didn’t show? The humiliation of revenge porn, the inner emotional landmine that is parental trauma, and the brutal, slow-motion disaster of realizing your dream career might never love you back. This book isn’t just her telling us what happened, it’s her telling us exactly how it felt, with an unapologetic mix of rage, humor, and that kind of “I’ve done therapy and it shows” self-awareness that makes her both brutally honest and deeply lovable.
Each chapter hits like a late-night voice memo you weren’t emotionally prepared for. One minute she’s roasting her exes into ash (deserved), the next she’s talking about poverty, shame, or objectification with surgical precision. Her definition of feminism isn’t out of a textbook, it’s earned in the trenches. This isn’t an academic TED Talk, it’s a war cry from a woman who’s been publicly undressed in every way possible and still refuses to disappear. And through it all, she’s funny. Not “teehee” funny, like, sharp, take-no-prisoners, British gallows humor that’ll make you laugh while reeling from the emotional sucker punch she just threw.
The audiobook version, narrated by Keeley herself, adds a whole other layer of intimacy to the experience. It’s not just a reading, it’s a performance. You hear every eye roll, every lump in her throat, every moment where she’s clearly reliving something that still hurts. It’s messy and alive in all the best ways. There are points where she’s clearly furious, and you feel it right in your bones. And then suddenly she’s making you laugh with some absolutely deranged story about teenage chaos or actor rejection, and it’s like emotional whiplash in the best way possible.
And yes, the Ted Lasso of it all does come up, but if you’re hoping for a behind-the-scenes love letter to the Apple TV juggernaut, you’re in the wrong pub, babes. This isn’t a “look how great that show is” moment, it’s a reckoning with how strange and painful it is to watch the most public, sanitized version of your life succeed without you. Keeley Hazell doesn’t hate Juno Temple, but she damn well mourns not getting to play the more polished version of herself. And honestly? That grief is earned. Watching someone else become your avatar of redemption has got to be a surreal brand of heartbreak, and she doesn’t shy away from the messiness of that.
But let’s talk about the real twist. For all its grit, trauma, and righteous anger, this memoir is ultimately a story about hope. Reinvention. That weird, beautiful stubbornness to believe you’re more than what the world decided you were. She doesn’t tie it all up in a bow, but she does leave you feeling like she’s still becoming, which somehow feels like the most feminist thing of all.
This was a four-star read that felt like both a confessional and a call to arms. Come for the tits, stay for the emotional catharsis and biting commentary on a culture that loves to devour women and pretend it's empowerment.
Huge thanks to Hachette Audio and NetGalley for the advanced audiobook. Y’all really said, “Wanna spiral into feminist rage while also laughing at one woman’s truly unhinged teenage decisions?” And I said yes. Loudly. With my whole chest.
August 27, 2025
(4.25/5, rounded up)
Picked this up for 2 reasons—Keeley's my fav character in 𝙏𝙚𝙙 𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙤 & 𝘐, 𝘵𝘰𝘰, have had everyone see my tits (tho 𝘮𝘺 everyone comprised of a smaller population).
Having worked as a 👕less model, Keeley brings a perspective on being a feminist that's equally unique & vital. You can work 👕less & be actively feminist. As a reader you get to aknowledge & confront the infamous blindspots in feminism (conscious or not) as she'd been presented them. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝘶𝘴.
In high-school, my bf shared my nudes w the entire locker room. We were together at the time, I didnt find out til we'd broken up. 𝘋��𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦 🌽? 𝘐𝘥𝘬. But I do know things didn't end amicably & "I sWEaR I DeLEteD TheM" my 🍑 🙄 So w breakup ⛽️ added to the 🔥, who knows where the 📸 could end up?
That fear.... Keeley puts it so well in 𝙀𝙎𝙈𝙏 that I'll leave it to her—but if you've been there, I bet the feeling's easy to recall. (Anyone who 𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 had em shared but 𝘩𝘢𝘴 sent em, hold on to your 👒s—this may apply to you too one day thx to tech, revenge sold separately.)
What's unique to Keeley's experience is having consigned 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 of the 📸 already out there—in a much different context—but for some reason, some people aren't able to find those nuances. Hopefully Keeley can help those people.
Even better than her essays on revenge 🌽 were those on 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨—a term idk how I'd never heard before but is now ingrained—& feminism.
The essays focusing more on her experiences than social commentary felt a bit jumbled & hectic at times, but considering the content—such is life. ᴏᴘᴛ ғᴏʀ 🎧 ᴛᴏ ʟᴏʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʀᴅᴇsᴛ!
I had no clue 𝙏𝙇's Keeley was based on a badass, IRL Keeley (w the press done for 𝙏𝙇...how is that possible!?) So if nothing else—this is one of the celeb memoirs I feel it's owed to them to read if you've loved their work(𝙏𝙇's Keeley). Not out of pity, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐜 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐭. & has this whole time, 𝘧𝘬 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘺𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘥.
Thank you bunches to Keeley Hazell & Grand Central Press for the #gifted copy, & NetGalley & Hachette Audio too! I LOVED being able to read & listen in tandem—esp early :)
Picked this up for 2 reasons—Keeley's my fav character in 𝙏𝙚𝙙 𝙇𝙖𝙨𝙨𝙤 & 𝘐, 𝘵𝘰𝘰, have had everyone see my tits (tho 𝘮𝘺 everyone comprised of a smaller population).
Having worked as a 👕less model, Keeley brings a perspective on being a feminist that's equally unique & vital. You can work 👕less & be actively feminist. As a reader you get to aknowledge & confront the infamous blindspots in feminism (conscious or not) as she'd been presented them. 𝘚𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘥𝘮𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘦'𝘴 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝘶𝘴.
In high-school, my bf shared my nudes w the entire locker room. We were together at the time, I didnt find out til we'd broken up. 𝘋��𝘦𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘨𝘦 🌽? 𝘐𝘥𝘬. But I do know things didn't end amicably & "I sWEaR I DeLEteD TheM" my 🍑 🙄 So w breakup ⛽️ added to the 🔥, who knows where the 📸 could end up?
That fear.... Keeley puts it so well in 𝙀𝙎𝙈𝙏 that I'll leave it to her—but if you've been there, I bet the feeling's easy to recall. (Anyone who 𝘩𝘢𝘴𝘯'𝘵 had em shared but 𝘩𝘢𝘴 sent em, hold on to your 👒s—this may apply to you too one day thx to tech, revenge sold separately.)
What's unique to Keeley's experience is having consigned 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 of the 📸 already out there—in a much different context—but for some reason, some people aren't able to find those nuances. Hopefully Keeley can help those people.
Even better than her essays on revenge 🌽 were those on 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘴𝘴 𝘤𝘦𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨—a term idk how I'd never heard before but is now ingrained—& feminism.
The essays focusing more on her experiences than social commentary felt a bit jumbled & hectic at times, but considering the content—such is life. ᴏᴘᴛ ғᴏʀ 🎧 ᴛᴏ ʟᴏʟ ᴛʜᴇ ʜᴀʀᴅᴇsᴛ!
I had no clue 𝙏𝙇's Keeley was based on a badass, IRL Keeley (w the press done for 𝙏𝙇...how is that possible!?) So if nothing else—this is one of the celeb memoirs I feel it's owed to them to read if you've loved their work(𝙏𝙇's Keeley). Not out of pity, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐜 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐭. & has this whole time, 𝘧𝘬 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘺𝘸𝘰𝘰𝘥.
Thank you bunches to Keeley Hazell & Grand Central Press for the #gifted copy, & NetGalley & Hachette Audio too! I LOVED being able to read & listen in tandem—esp early :)
August 30, 2025
Everyone’s Seen My Tits is a gritty, honest, and deeply personal memoir from a young woman who rose from working-class south London to sudden fame after winning a Page 3 model contest. Keeley Hazell tells her story with raw vulnerability, unflinching humour, and a sharp eye for the systems that shaped — and often tried to confine — her.
At times brutal and at other times very funny, the book is always compelling. Hazell sheds light on misogyny, class barriers, and the tired stereotypes surrounding glamour models. But at its heart, this is a story about determination. Keeley had to fight, hustle, and carve her way through a world that traps most people — especially working-class women — in narrow roles. Her journey is a testament to grit and resilience.
I found many parts moving. As someone who also grew up in a fractured family in the capital, I could relate to her early struggles — especially the harsh realities of poverty and lack of connection. It’s even more powerful to see those challenges through the lens of a woman who faced both class and gender biases.
I loved how Keeley "gained access" and opportunities with her new found fame, but I also felt a tinge of sadness that it had to be such a hard-won fight. That kind of effort — just to be heard, seen, or taken seriously — shouldn’t be necessary. Everybody should have "access". Yet she perseveres, and throughout the book, her voice remains incredibly relatable and authentic. It’s impossible not to root for her.
Having followed Keeley since her modelling days (yep, I do have a picture with her from years ago), I’ve watched her transition into acting and writing with admiration. This memoir only deepened my respect. I also appreciated her mention of The School of Life as a resource — a small but thoughtful touch that adds further depth to her journey.
Despite its provocative title, Everyone’s Seen My Tits offers far more than sensationalism. It’s a window into Keeley’s soul — a moving, insightful account of what it means to fight for your identity, and your future, against the odds.
Thank you, Keeley, for telling your story with such courage.
At times brutal and at other times very funny, the book is always compelling. Hazell sheds light on misogyny, class barriers, and the tired stereotypes surrounding glamour models. But at its heart, this is a story about determination. Keeley had to fight, hustle, and carve her way through a world that traps most people — especially working-class women — in narrow roles. Her journey is a testament to grit and resilience.
I found many parts moving. As someone who also grew up in a fractured family in the capital, I could relate to her early struggles — especially the harsh realities of poverty and lack of connection. It’s even more powerful to see those challenges through the lens of a woman who faced both class and gender biases.
I loved how Keeley "gained access" and opportunities with her new found fame, but I also felt a tinge of sadness that it had to be such a hard-won fight. That kind of effort — just to be heard, seen, or taken seriously — shouldn’t be necessary. Everybody should have "access". Yet she perseveres, and throughout the book, her voice remains incredibly relatable and authentic. It’s impossible not to root for her.
Having followed Keeley since her modelling days (yep, I do have a picture with her from years ago), I’ve watched her transition into acting and writing with admiration. This memoir only deepened my respect. I also appreciated her mention of The School of Life as a resource — a small but thoughtful touch that adds further depth to her journey.
Despite its provocative title, Everyone’s Seen My Tits offers far more than sensationalism. It’s a window into Keeley’s soul — a moving, insightful account of what it means to fight for your identity, and your future, against the odds.
Thank you, Keeley, for telling your story with such courage.
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