Fill These Hearts: God, Sex & the Universal Longing

by Christopher West

This is a book about Desire. Not just trivial wants or superficial cravings, but the most vital powers of sexuality and spirituality that haunt us and compel us on our search for something.

Along the way, Fill These Hearts blows the lid off the idea of Christianity as a repressive, anti-sex religion and unveils the hidden truth of that the restless yearnings we feel in both our bodies and our spirits are the very cry of our hearts for God.

Genres: Catholic, Theology, Sexuality, Marriage, Spirituality, Christian, Faith

216 pages, Paperback

First published November 13, 2012

About the author

Christopher West is a research fellow and faculty member of the Theology of the Body Institute. He is also one of the most sought after speakers in the Church today, having delivered more than 1000 public lectures on 4 continents, in more than a dozen countries, and in over 200 American cities. His books – Good News About Sex & Marriage, Theology of the Body Explained, and Theology of the Body for Beginners – have become Catholic best sellers.

Christopher has also lectured on a number of prestigious faculties, offering graduate and undergraduate courses at St John Vianney Seminary in Denver, the John Paul II Institute in Melbourne, Australia, and Creighton University’s Institute for Priestly Formation in Omaha. Hundreds of thousands have heard him on national radio programs and even more have seen him defending the faith on programs such as Scarborough Country, Fox and Friends, and At Large with Geraldo Rivera. Of all his titles, Christopher is most proud to call himself a devoted husband and father. He and his wife Wendy have five children and live in Lancaster County, PA.

Reviews

[Lydia · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic, refreshing, and short read. The first 80 pages I was underlining every other sentence. After that it slows down and in my opinion slightly decreases in quality but its still a fantastic book. I have read a lot of Catholic books along these same lines, lots of Jason Evert type books but this one is refreshingly different. The chapter on the Starvation Diet was a huge mic drop and something I want everyone to read. A lot of people get stuck on the Church's teachings of chastity as being exactly that, a starvation diet, but West does an excellent job of explaining why this is bad and what the proper alternative is. I have been frustrated with many books on this topic because they seem unable to free themselves from this starvation diet trap (sometimes including Jason Evert, but no hate), but West really did a fantastic job. I wish this book was longer and that he took the time to go even deeper and more practical at the end but it still is worlds better than other books I have read. I bounced between 4.5-5 stars in my head on this but because I only really recommend my favorite five stars, I gave it to this one because this is definitely a recommendation I would give.

[Gabe Bruner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly something I really needed to read as I’ve realized recently how repressive of a theology I have of sexuality. This book makes winsome claims and pastoral redirections on how to understand God’s beautiful design in our sexual longings. My only big gripe with it is that it did not camp out on practical implications at points where I wish it had. Otherwise, a worthy read that I would give to those struggling to come to Christ on the basis of their misconstrued notions of what He says about sexuality and to the Christian who wrongly thinks that sex is more harmful than anything else, like me.

[Colleen Sholtis · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great book! Ties into so much of what I’ve been discussing with my friends and team. All about desire and it just made me want Heaven even more. Christopher West never misses (this is the first book I’ve read by him)

[Pat Gohn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read most of what Christopher West has written, and while this book does not add anything new to what I've heard him teach about the main ideas and themes surrounding the Theology of Body, I'm very impressed by the synthesis and delivery of this volume. Every chapter makes succinct points, uses careful analogy, and offers thoughtful and straight talk from a man who is totally immersed and personally transformed by this subject matter. While I've heard this message before, from a craft perspective I think this is West's finest writing to date.

I highly recommend this book as both an introduction to theology of the body to new readers, as well as a great executive summary for those familiar with it, especially for those looking for accessible language and a popular and foundational text through which to share it.

[Sara Lowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Eventually we must learn how to open our desires up and direct them toward the mystical ecstasy for which we’re created. ‘For no one is in any way disposed for…mystical ecstasy,’ St. Bonaventure tells us, ‘unless…he is a man of desires.’”

This is the first Theology of the Body-licious book I’ve read and I think it was a beautiful intro to the language/ideas of TOB. Really helps you to understand more tangibly how our desires are not only good but are essential to union with God in this life and the next :) Also gives me a good excuse to never get into stoicism lol

[Laura A. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I haven’t been able to get into a nonfiction the last few months. Not for lack of trying, because I have a number of books I know are amazing that I’ve been attempting to finish/start. Just have not been able to stick with them right now. It’s a season. There’s times I gobble up nonfiction.

Then recently John Mark Comer recommended this on his Instagram stories. I see good book recs all the time but I was drawn to this one. I dove into it and WOW, it was fabulous. There were so many parts in here that I really needed to read. I highlighted a LOT of it.

In John Mark Comer’s words, “Please, PLEASE read this book.”

And if you read it, talk to or message me and let me know what you thought.

[Matt Aspinall · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book exploring where desire should direct us. Hard read at times, but overall a thought provoking journey that leads the reader to the ultimate truth that true fulfillment can only be found in relationship with our creator.

[Michal Anne Gillig · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really beautiful explanations of what “Eros” is meant to be. Christopher West loves U2 and is a total GenX dad. Overall was very enjoyable and got some good prayer out of it!

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

Quotes I liked:

When there is no hope of an eternal banquet that will satisfy our hunger, we start grasping at the pleasures of this world in a disordered way. We take our desire for infinity to finite things and miss the mark.

True detachment affords the freedom to rejoice rightly in the good things of this life without making idols of them.

Christ is the one who “left father and mother” to give up his body for his bride, so that the church might become “one body one spirit” with him.

Nakedness without shame, reveals that “in the beginning” human desire was aligned with the divine design: to love as God loves.

This is why the first man and woman were naked without shame: eros expressed perfect love without any taint of selfishness, and there is no fear and perfect love: “perfect love casts out all fear”

By asking us not to take the fruit, God was inviting us into a relationship of trust. He was inviting us to keep our hunger “open” before him, believing that he would grant us the desires of our hearts.

In Christ, man who made himself God encounters God who made himself man.

The more we treasure God’s promise in our hearts, the less inclined will be to grasp satisfaction apart from God and his plan for us.

Christ‘s staying on the cross and refusal to come down demonstrates that he trusted the father completely. He remained in his poverty and total dependence until the end.

True freedom is a liberation from sin. Only to the degree that we are free from the domination of libido, are we truly able to become a gift to another person, are we truly able to love. That’s why no woman wants to be in a relationship with a man who can’t control his hormones; she knows such a man isn’t free to love her.

Christ didn’t come into the world to shove laws down our throats. He came into the world to align the desires of our hearts with the divine design so we could no longer need the laws.

If one is not committed to sacrificing oneself for the other’s true good, then love as desire degenerates into love as use, which is not love at all.

[Katharine Stepanian · Rating 4 out of 5]

so I have been trying to deepen my understanding of theology recently and this book was recommended to me. the first 75% (and the last 5-10 pages) was amazing- I read it at the right time in my life and genuinely love how it breaks down stereotypes within the Church and explains what real life Church fathers/mothers and Popes have said about sex and desire and God. I think people would be surprised by some of this based on common stereotypes about Catholicism. this book draws a LOT the writings of medieval mystics, which I very much appreciated because I adore the work of saints like Teresa of Avila, Hildegard of Bingen, Francis of Assisi, etc. ALSO- the ending… connecting this to Le Mis brought a tear to my eye and honestly gave me chills.

however, the 15% of filler towards the end felt pretty uninspired- there were a lot of weird metaphors/similes he used to make something make more sense that made me just more skeptical of the concept (you will get what I am saying if you read.) this also read like ChatGPT- I know it came out in 2012 but I swear ChatGPT was trained on this book- it has its EXACT voice. this book is chock full of run on sentences and strange figurative language. also, I wish I could read this same book written by a woman… the man’s POV just didn’t completely resonate with me.

all in all, a beautiful book with some issues here and there- but I learned a lot!

here are some quotes I loved:

“In short, a mystic is someone who has entered God’s love song, hears it everywhere, and can’t help but dance because of it.” (51)

“If I find in myself desires that nothing in this world can satisfy, then it only makes sense that I’m made for another world.” (173)

[Claire Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christopher West is someone I’ve looked up to for a very long time. This book touched so many different parts of my heart! His references are incredible and I was always looking at the appendix to check out other sources. He does a great job expanding on TOB without doing it in a predictable manner. The first 60% of the book wasn’t even lust, per se, but about the holiness of our desires. I also LOVED his scriptural and Eucharistic notes. Overall, highly recommend.

“If one is not committed to sacrificing oneself for the other’s true good, then love as a desire degenerates into love as use, which is not love at all.”

[Camryn Cook · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book really helped shift my prospective on the way the Lord designed us and how we are made for so much more than this life! the Lord created so many great aspects of life that give us a glimpse of heaven and how we will finally feel our desires fulfilled once reunited with the true bridegroom, jesus. we are made for so much more than temporary earthly fulfillments.

highly encourage this book if you’re struggling with finding contentment and wondering why christianity seems to have so many “rules”

I can’t wait to be reunited with my maker at the best dinner party and wedding of all time!!

[Sara]

This book was a thought-provoking exploration of human desire that dives deep beneath the surface of fleeting wants to uncover the ache at the center of every heart: our longing for the infinite. Christopher West shows us that our most profound yearnings—especially those connected to sexuality and spirituality—are not distractions from faith but signposts pointing us to God. This book is a liberating and deeply affirming reminder that Christianity is not about repressing desire but directing it toward its true fulfillment in divine love. It was an incredible and beautiful book; I want everyone to read it.

[Anne Bilinski · Rating 5 out of 5]

So fricking good. Fantastically liberating, practical, and so culturally-relevant. Def not what you learned in religion class. Even being raised in the Church, I’ve never read such an loving while also truthful presentation of our desires, sex, and how God is written so clearly within them. One of my fave parts of the book is the illustration of the three approaches to desire — starvation diet (largely Christian culture), fast food (largely the world), or the banquet (actually what God foreshadows).

[Stephen Case · Rating 3 out of 5]

What do a bunch of celibate men have to tell the world about marriage, love, and sex? Apparently quite a bit if those celibates are men like Popes John Paul II and Benedict XVI. Christopher West’s slender text, Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing is an attempt to unpack the Catholic Church’s richly developed and under-appreciated theology of the body, though his desire to make this theology accessible to the widest audience possible at times makes it feel an exposition writ in crayon.

Plus, he starts off very much on the wrong foot from an astronomical point of view. So, pardon a astronomer’s annoyance, but first a short rant:

The opening sentence in West’s book states that “In 1977 NASA launched Voyager 1 and Voyager 2 to explore the galaxy.”

Ack.

There’s so much wrong here. Granted, this isn’t a book about science and West only makes this comment in passing to talk about how the music samples carried by these spacecraft testify to humanity’s universal longing. But it is the opening line of his book . . .

The Voyager missions were launched to explore the outer planets of our own solar system, not the galaxy. But more than that, that there’s a staggering problem of scale here. Imagine tossing an Oreo cookie into the center of a football field. That cookie is roughly the radius of our solar system. (The Sun would be a candy sprinkle at Oreo’s center, and Neptune would be a microscopic dot skimming around the cookie’s edge.) On this scale, the nearest planetary system is another cookie two football fields away. The galaxy is about 200 billion of these cookies spread over an area about the size of North America. And where are the Voyagers on this scale? In the decades they’ve been in space, they’ve drifted less than a yard away from our own cookie-- er, solar system.

Saying that we sent them out to explore the galaxy is a bit like imagining sending a paramecium to explore New York City.

End rant.

Okay, so it’s not a book about science. It’s a book about theology. West’s major point is that we as humans are built with certain longings and desires and that this isn’t a bad thing. We have these desires for a reason, but we have three possible responses to this reality, two bad and one good. We can either ignore and suppress those desires (what he calls the “starvation diet”) or we can indulge them (what he calls the “fast food diet”). Though Christianity is often portrayed as leaning toward the first option, West says this is as wrong as the improper indulgence of desires. (And to be clear, throughout the book he’s mainly talking about romantic and sexual desires.)

The proper response, West says, is to recognize these desires as pointing toward something beyond themselves, as indicative of an eternal banquet to come, to realize the things of this world cannot satisfy our desires, and to see romantic and sexual desires as a way of stretching our hearts so God can satisfy us. There’s weirdness here and mysticism and even some discomfort. But there’s also quite a bit of solid theology and biblical exposition. Song of Solomon, for instance, is in the Bible for a reason.

West’s alliterative thesis is that our desires-- when understood correctly-- point toward God, our design shows we’re meant to exist in relationship, and our destiny is that God wants to expand our desires and longings toward infinity where they can be filled with His love.

Along the way we’re treated to passages from Scripture and Catholic theology interspersed with painful analogies from Spider-Man 2 and lyrics from U2 (see the comment above about being writ in crayon). The most compelling portions for me were the final chapters where West provides an outline of the Catholic view of chastity and sexual ethics. In West’s interpretation, chastity is a promise of immortality. It’s a way of rightly ordering desire here on Earth, of keeping human nature free of the addictive aspects of sexual desire and oriented toward eternity. (If it seems like a futile and desperate hope, it kind of is.)

There are lots of issues here, primarily related to the point that West seems to think humans all have more or less the same sort of desires and takes this as the starting point for his exposition. This is in keeping with what I understand of Catholic theology often beginning from a “natural laws” treatment of the world, something that I’m not sure remains tenable.

If nothing else though, besides bringing a taste of some of the deeper aspects of Catholic theology, West does call attention to the undeniable fact that many of the central themes and symbols in the Bible have to do with sex and marriage-- and wine. Sex and alcohol, often shunned in puritanical circles, are central to a Biblical view of desire and satisfaction. Christ’s first miracle, as West points out, was at a wedding feast, and it was to provide that feast with a fine vintage. This is West’s central claim: that God isn’t interested in starving us or in seeing us waste ourselves seeking after pleasures that can’t satisfy. Rather, he wants to provide a real, eternal banquet and (though the analogy becomes strained, at least to me) a real, eternal marriage relationship.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an antidote to stoic Christian culture as much as to the hyper sexualised secular world. Christopher West takes lofty theological ideas about the body and makes them accessible to all, revealing how desire is meant to lead us to God and is therefore good. Most of the first half focuses on refuting the un-Christian (but somehow ubiquitous in some modern Christian circles) idea that the body and sexuality are nothing more than a cause for sin. He explores the equally damaging effects of total detachment from desire, and of completely giving oneself over to it, painting a middle ground based on the ancient teachings of the Church, scriptures and Pope St John Paul II's teachings .

A must read for anyone interested in theology of the body, I will be recommending this book to a lot of people in my life!

[TimmiBoi ForgetMeNot · Rating 5 out of 5]

West definitely delves into the philosophy and a theology of Love. He explains its truest meaning as well expresses key advice in the knowledge and understanding of true Love, Desire, and Eternal Fulfillment. If you like this book (you probably will) I totally recommend The Four Loves - By C.S. Lewis

[Ana Rodriguez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fill These Hearts: God, Sex, and the Universal Longing was a very religious book more than any thing. Christopher West explains his thoughts on the deepest longings of the human soul the yearnings we feel in our bodies and longings we have.
Christopher West explains questions of love and sexuality from a Catholics point of view.
Many theories on the biblical meaning of love.
This novel is a great tool for a teen in understanding of human sexuality.
Writer speaks of filling that need sexually and body cravings.

Christopher West explains every single issue with General Audiences, John Paul II's Theology of the Body .

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book on a tough subject that people generally don't discuss. The book really clears up some things and cuts through society's take that sex is fine with anyone, anytime. Sometimes a bit repetitive but mostly just for effect. Would recommend to anyone curious about the subject.

[Sister Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A healthy antidote to the twin maladies in Western culture (the full-throttle pursuit of pleasure on the one hand; the puritanical/jansenistic suspicion of it on the other), "Fill These Hearts" takes desire seriously as a vitally important aspect of the spiritual life. Ignore or repress it, and life, prayer, morality and religion itself are reduced to dry and unappetizing duty. Gorge yourself with short-term satisfactions and you become a hamster on a wheel, turning every relationship, opportunity or experience into a means to the same end, the never-ending pursuit of a "more" that will always fail to satisfy the soul. There is a third way, West promises: desire rightly ordered keeps fire in the soul, even as it keeps the soul turned toward the ultimate good of communion with God.

This is a book about that rightly ordered desire. How do we recognize our deep desires? How do we respond to them in an enlightened and even passionate way without being driven blindly by them into destructive choices? How do we live "temperately, justly and devoutly" (Tit. 2:12) in this present age, when even a walk down a city street means encountering soft porn on billboards and bus shelters? Is it possible to live sexual purity passionately? (Yes! West says: "A properly disciplined eros is even more wild than its 'frat house counterfeit'.") What does all this mean in the relationship of man and woman?

West illustrates this highly readable book not simply with references to Scripture or to the writings of Popes and saints, but with abundant pop culture references to the insatiable (if often misinterpreted) hunger for God, the ultimate goal of desire. Thankfully, West also disproves the common contemporary suspicion (nurtured, no doubt, by the reduction of "devotion"--a word of passion--to "duty") that Heaven might be boring!

[Ava Henson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Talk about conviction…

West says that “God made us as sexual beings- as men and women with a desire for union-precisely to tell the story of his love for us” (11). So from the very beginning of West’s book, I began to realize the true biblical importance and value of a marital relationship.

As I read more of Fill These Hearts, I found myself feeling very called out as it discussed the idea of a “stoic” and why this is not a good thing. In my eyes, I find myself simply avoiding a lot of things because of the way that the world has made them bad. A romantic relationship being one of them. West said that “the stoic tries to avoid the pain of desiring more than this life has to offer by choosing not to want so much, by shutting down” (33).

While I do not see myself completely as a stoic, I do see myself having a lot of these tendencies in certain areas which I need to be aware of. I say that I must just avoid my desires completely in order to avoid always wanting more. And this is not what God wants for us I now know. He wants us to be “mystics”. To enjoy the honorable pleasures and sit in the ache that they may bring without becoming addicted or starving yourself of them.

This is single-handedly the most convicting and eye-opening book I’ve read in which is filled with deep biblical truth. Highly recommend to anyone mature enough to understand the concept of pleasure, and how our hearts will never truly be filled until we reach Heaven. A rather painful idea filled with so much hope and faith.

[Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has been on my 'to-read' shelf for quite some time. I believe the book was an answer to my prayer to be more chaste in my life. At first, I had difficulty figuring out what West meant by the three gospels defined in this book but by the end of it, I was able to see what he was getting. I appreciated his references to pop music and film scenes in relating to chastity. I was able to connect his points better with these examples and it made this book a quick read.

I will want to read this book again because of West's approach to sexuality and our deep desires. Instead of trying to shut off our sexual wants, West approaches our divine desire as a good an one that we need to work on not falling into the temptation of Satan and distorting these desires. This approach will take me years (God willing) to really grasp and put into practice this approach. I am one to typically tackle the sexual desire through a 'starvation gospel' diet where I reject and try to deny or put down my desire. Understanding that this desire, in all its goodness, is to be in perfect communion with God in heaven.

That is a healthy approach. That seems like what a loving God would want for us. Thank you, Christopher West.

[Brad Bruesewitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think a common frustration with Christianity from both those in the Church and outside of it is the perceived lack of honesty. The lack of acknowledgment for what life actually feels like, the lack of groundedness, and that Christians are not at all in touch with the world around them. At least, this was a frustration I had. Thankfully, this book turned out to be one of the most honest and grounded Christian books I have read as of late.

As someone who grew up in evangelical Christianity, I have experienced a lot of disillusionment and frustration in my adult life with my lived experience in comparison to what I understood Christian morality (and specifically, Christian sexual ethics) to be when I was younger.

This book helped undo a lot of misunderstanding for me. And gave words and validation to what I was really feeling and experiencing in my every day life. I don’t think I can recommend other Christians to read this book enough. And truthfully, I think non-Christians (while they may disagree with the worldview) could find this enlightening as well. This book gives an answer to the question: “what is love, really? what is desire? why does hedonism not work?” Insightful, honest, inspiring. Thanks Chris.

[John Kreis · Rating 4 out of 5]

An extremely important book for all of us who have grown up in the wake of both the sexual revolution as well as the later and misguided conservative evangelical responses to that revolution. Contrary to the sexual libertine notions passed down in our society, sex outside of marriage is destructive and deformative. Contrary to many of the Christian responses to the sexual deviancy common in American culture, sex is actually really good, even symbolic of mankind's relationship to God. And sexual desire when felt by someone unmarried (like myself) is surprisingly symbolic of our basic human desire for completeness and holy union with our Maker. West winsomely describes a way of life that recognizes and appreciates sexuality without veering off into sin that is appealing to me. Will likely return to this one.

[Angela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Too many religious texts skirt around the topic of sexuality. But West goes full-force. He doesn't tiptoe around "sensitive" topics, but goes in the complete opposite direction: He shows how not only is sex and desire good, but how it's a part of God's design.

It's funny to think about God's love in this way, if you've been raised with abstinence-only education. Sex isn't something to be avoided. It's a bodily metaphor for a spiritual love, the kind of love God wants to share with His creation.

This fairly quick read is an obvious "starter" for a larger topic, and certainly this author has bigger (and more complex) books that delve into it more. But this is a good place to start, especially if the whole topic feels a little squeamish at first.

[Josilyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone who wants to get to the heart of this longing inside their hearts- anyone who finds himself aching for the truth. Drawing on Scripture and pop music and movies, Christopher West delivers a stunningly powerful message about basic human nature. Any Christian grappling with the concept of eros as being sinful (basically most of us guilt-tripped and taught to suppress our sexuality) will find this book mind-blowing and liberating. My faith and understanding of who I am not just as a young Catholic woman, but as a human person made for love and the God of love, has deepened profoundly, and I will never be the same.

[Er-er Abringe · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is good news! True to his message on Theology of the Body, this book offers clear, well-explained, and well-broken down truth. Christopher West creatively uses songs, movies, and stories to properly explain the beauty of Theology of the Body. He rightly repeats points in every chapter so the reader can understand and absorb the message well. I think the message of this book is this generation needs to know. This is good news indeed.

[Fred · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite Theology of the Body Book to date

This is by far the most joyful, beautiful and positive writing on human sexuality I have read to date. Christopher West has a gift for distilling very heady theological concepts into everyday language replete with pop cultural references that I can both enjoy relate to. This will be my top gift to friends, family and newlyweds from here forward! It brought me so much joy I simply cannot help but share it.

[Josh Loomis · Rating 5 out of 5]

An intuitive look at our God given sexual desires and how those can only be satisfied in our longing for heaven. Christopher West’s comparison of the fast food diet, the starvation diet, and the banquet is a fantastic analogy for how we can better understand the yearning we have for Eros love. Definitely a great read for any who wish to better understand and articulate the Christian sexual ethic.

[Ester Cafe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book very much! Amazing how JPII knows and describes the human heart and how well Christopher West translated his teachings for an easy read! Even though the writing is simple, the message is profound and lovely! Many friends of mine were very touched by this book and had complete perspective changes!

Would definitely recommend for teens and young adults who want to learn about theology of the body, their hearts and desires!