How to Lead Your Family: A Guide for Men Wanting to Be More - Biblical Advice for Christian Husbands and Father

by Joel R. Beeke

The Good News? You’d die for your wife and kids.
The Bad News? That’s the easy part.

Being a godly husband and father isn’t about one big heroic moment—it’s about showing up every day. You need a simple, biblical plan to help you stay faithful in the daily grind of leading your family.

This short, practical guide unpacks how Jesus’ ministry should shape our leadership at home. With Christ-centered encouragement and no-nonsense wisdom, Joel Beeke challenges us to step up to God’s calling—while reminding us to rest in the finished work of Christ alone.

Straightforward and full of real-world lessons, How to Lead Your A Guide for Men Wanting to be More sets high standards. But it also gives us the biblical foundation, encouragement, and practical advice we need to pursue those standards. Read it, and prayerfully lift your entire family through steady, loving leadership.

Contents

Introduction

A Prophet in the HomeA Priest in the HomeA King in the HomeConclusion

Endorsement

“This book is a masterpiece. Joel Beeke not only provides sound biblical teaching about being a father, he also gives us a simple and practical framework for reminding us of our prophet, priest, and king. Each of these perspectives on fatherhood is opened up and applied with clarity. If you want to understand fatherhood and its primary responsibilities from a biblical perspective, read this booklet, then share it with someone else.”
— Tedd Tripp, senior pastor of Grace Fellowship Church, Hazleton, Pennsylvania, and author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart

About the Author

Joel R. Beeke is chancellor and professor of homiletics and systematic theology of Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary and a minister of the Heritage Reformed Congregation of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Genres: Parenting, Christian, Family, Christian Living, Marriage, Theology, Leadership

80 pages, Paperback

Published May 12, 2025

About the author

Dr. Joel R. Beeke serves as President and Professor of Systematic Theology, Church History, and Homiletics at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary. He has been in the ministry since 1978 and has served as a pastor of his current church, Heritage Reformed Congregation, since 1986. He is also editor of the Banner of Sovereign Grace Truth, editorial director of Reformation Heritage Books, president of Inheritance Publishers, and vice-president of the Dutch Reformed Translation Society. He has written, co-authored, or edited fifty books and contributed over fifteen hundred articles to Reformed books, journals, periodicals, and encyclopedias. His Ph.D. (1988) from Westminster Theological Seminary is in Reformation and Post-Reformation Theology. He is frequently called upon to lecture at Reformed seminaries and to speak at conferences around the world. He and his wife, Mary, have three children: Calvin, Esther, and Lydia.

Reviews

[JT Stead · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will be my go to field guide for discipling men! Phenomenal!!

[j.j. · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5
Convicting, encouraging, practical, and applicable. Christian husband and father, read this book. Apply this book. And most importantly, rest in the work of Christ while doing so. As the book concludes, “We cannot exercise the offices of Christ apart from Christ. You can do nothing apart from Him, but if you abide in Him, you will bear much fruit (Jn. 15:5).”

[Collin Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short. Practical. Biblical.

[Zack · Rating 5 out of 5]

A 30-minute read worth every second. This mercifully brief book is a sound and biblical guide to leading one’s family after the model of Christ and on the sure foundation of His gospel. It strikes a good balance between service, stewardship, and authority/headship.

[Mark Donald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Packed with practical wisdom. Interestingly framed around the threefold office of Christ as prophet, priest, and King.

Will definitely return to this for my own life and to teach others.

[Bennett Rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beeke argues that Christian husbands and fathers, by virtue of their union with Christ by faith, share in his mediatorial ministry as prophets, priests, and kings. As prophets, they profess their faith and teach God's word. As priests, they love sacrificially and intercede for others. And as kings, the rule and rescue/defend. And the questions at the end of each chapter are great for personal reflection and application.

Short, practical, and useful. Excellent for personal study; even better for small group study with other Christian husbands and fathers.

[Micah Natal · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely incredible! A book that everyone must read. I am hoping to revisit it every year. It is a powerful reminder of the role of a Godly husband.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent!

[James Oaks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to be like Jesus and I want to lead my family towards loving God deeply. This book helps me understand the role I have to point my wife and child towards God preaching grace and not law. Short and simple to understand. Bought several copies after reading to give to the deacons in my church to study with.

[Tanner Eisenmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was really encouraged by this! Love how the author pointed out not only the important role as a godly husband but also as a father too. Very relatable to the season I’m in now and how to lead my family towards Christ daily, truly helpful and used scripture thoroughly throughout the book which I enjoyed

[Ben Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the little circle graphic on the top corner of the cover states: short and to the point. Beeke has provided a "manual" of sorts, establishing the Scriptural pillars beneath the God's design for what it means to be a husband/father. One to keep on hand for regular exhortation.

[Jacob Lovett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to it as a short audiobook, and I will certainly revisit it again! Beeke provides great insight into what biblical male headship is to look like in the home in many practical ways. Given its brevity, I would highly recommend this book to both men and women as a helpful framework for what it means for a husband and father to lead well.

[Bryce Bitting · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome short book, I listened on audio is just a couple days on my commute. It lays out what the biblical call for husbands is and how God gives us grace to achieve this high calling. Very encouraging and filled with biblical wisdom.

[Ryan Rench · Rating 5 out of 5]

Giving this to our men. Most men don’t want to read a lot, and this is so short, it’s doable. It’s a quick win filled with distilled truths. So helpful and challenging for Christian fatherhood, manhood, husbandhood? :)
Excellent material and a good theological framework of prophet, priest, and king. Very helpful.

[Jonathan Mills · Rating 2 out of 5]

First off I want to say that I am writing as a single pastor from outside the Confessional Reformed space, although I spent most of my life there. I have not felt the burdens and joys of lived fatherhood or marriage, so this review comes from the outside looking in. I may not be Presbyterian, Reformed Baptist or Dutch Reformed, but I have gleaned so much of my theology from all three traditions. I listened to this on audio while I was traveling back in August and took some careful notes as I went along, pausing often. I wanted to engage well in conversations with my Reformed friends and family who were reading this at the time. So here is my far-to-late review.

On my read Beeke is trying to write a one-stop-shop book for men to read so they can lead their families well. He seeks to accomplish this through the use of the three-fold office of Christ as Prophet, Priest and King, applied to the Father/Husband, as a structure for the book. Beeke writes that fathers share in Christ’s “anointing” as Prophet, Priest and King and says "We can only be faithful fathers in Christ's 3-fold anointing.” Herein lies my main struggle with this book. In the New Covenant, there is never a Scriptural hint that fathers/husbands particularly share Christ’s anointing as Prophet, Priest and King, in a way distinct from any other Christian. Instead the New Testament drastically shows Christ fulfill each office through his life, death, resurrection and ascension and even further the authors of the New Testament use the universal language of participation to show that all Christians are now kinds of (lowercase "p") prophets, priests and kings through their union with Christ. John Calvin wrote extensively in his Institutes showing the how the New Testament applies all three offices to all christians through union with Christ. The order goes like this: threefold office in the Old Testament gets fulfilled in Christ and through union with him all Christians participate in the now-Christ-fulfilled threefold office. 



Due to this major category error in an overall structural move I really struggled to find the value in this work and I do not believe Beeke succeeded in his mission to write a “one-stop-shop book for for men to read so they can lead their families well.” Instead this book is confusing at best and potentially damaging at worst. Beeke’s hermeneutic leads him to some strange places that seem to draw way to heavily on the Old Testament view of prophets, priests and kings and leaves behind the all important biblical movements of fulfillment in Christ and union with Him. For example Beeke says, that husbands are responsible to individually disciple their wives (“lead your wife in deep individual instruction from the word”), sets up a very intense standard for family devotions, calls the home “a little church and seminary”, says that parents who don’t spank their children are disobeying God’s word, attempts to retrieve and reground a version of courting through use of Proverbs and the Mosaic law, and assumes by implication that every Christian family structure will include a wife in the home and a husband at work. There are so many lines in this book that felt like outdated advice given without needed explanation on subjects that are very complex to say the least.



Beeke does center self-sacrifice as the husband and father’s primary virtue, which serves to moderate the worst versions of his theological moves. He has some helpful things to say about listening, teaching the Bible to kids, being patient, loving lavishly without expecting it in return, caring about a child’s heart not just outward obedience, and being consistent in the use of discipline. But I found these sections unsatisfying in light of the whole book, especially since self-sacrifice apart from a deeper understanding of union with Christ (which I do think Beeke holds to, although it is not applied well here) puts the burdens of being the prophet, priest and king of your home squarely on the shoulders of men who are insufficient apart from Christ. As a pastor I would not recommend this book to a congregant seeking to learn “How To Lead a Family.”

[Tristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Going to be a yearly read or more for me. 2nd time through. Must read for Christian husbands/fathers if you want a biblical vision for your marriage/parenting.

[Jimmy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Here is a great work for fathers and husbands! In a time where biblical masculinity is under attack and also a time where I see some over-reaction by some Christians that gets weird and strange with preaching the manhood card, here’s a refreshingly biblical and practical and Godly take on biblical manhood in leading marriage and the family. Author and pastor Joel Beeke writes in a way that I have come to expect from him, God-centered, biblical and devotional and simple and yet theologically enriching. In personal discussions with the author Joel Beeke has told me how he loves to write and even if his works are not published he would still be writing; but I am glad his works are published since they are helpful to the body of Christ! I also love that this work comes in a readable size of 80 pages! This is doable for most general readers! Even if you are not a man and you are reading this book review, I think this is a great book as a gift for the husband and father in your life!
In terms of the structure of the book after the introduction the book looks at leading at the family in terms of the paradigm of a biblical man being a prophet, priest and king of the home with each respective chapter on each. After these three chapters there is a conclusion. Don’t let the prophet, priest and king scare you; Beeke explains how this is tied to Christ’s three fold office and also how for the believers it isn’t the same way we are prophet, priest and king in the way God and Christ fulfills these offices. I love how these chapters gets to the point and is biblical and practical and practical in a devotional way that affects the heart. After each chapter there’s a “Study Questions for further discussion” and “Personal Reflection Questions.” I love this feature in the book as it makes for a good resource for discipleship with the men in the church.
While it is a short work it is a powerful work. I appreciate that though this is a paperback the publishers printed this in good strong cardboard like cover with also nice white pages; this will definitely be a work I will return to again and with its quality I can see this lasting for years in my own personal library. I recommend this book!

[Timothy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is good. It offers many helpful reminders and contains solid biblical teaching.

However, I really don’t understand why he chose to present the man/husband as Prophet, Priest, and King. That framework seems almost guaranteed to be misunderstood, leading some to think that the husband is meant to take the place of Christ in the family. To his credit, he does work hard to clarify and correct such misinterpretations—but if he had structured the book even slightly differently, I think he could have avoided much of that confusion from the start.

Yes, wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, and the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church (Eph. 5:22–23). But the comparison is certainly limited. A husband is not a mediator for his family, nor can he atone for their sins. He should not be granted unquestioned authority to do whatever he pleases simply because he is the “king” of the home. The previous verse even says plainly, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). I'm sure Beeke himself would agree with those points—so why use such a problematic picture that invites this misunderstanding?

It would be different if Scripture itself portrayed the husband as prophet, priest, and king—but it doesn’t. There must be a better way to communicate the gravity and seriousness of a husband’s role while keeping to biblical imagery.

[Michael Philliber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joel Beeke goes straight to his point. In this 80-page softback, he speaks to Christian husbands and fathers about reflecting Christ as prophets, priests, and kings in their family. It's not a book supporting male bravado and machismo. Instead, how does a man, as leader in his family, lead well and rightly?

Beeke us very practical. For example, he is clear how godly husbands relate to their wives. "Give her your thoughts, your time, your talk, your tenderness, and your touch, but make sure you touch her heart before you touch her body" (32). Wow!

He also addresses the important task of raising children to be adults. He includes the importance of discipline (even spanking). Beeke even emphasizes how fathers should understand their children and be understanding, but not our children's buddies.

This is a great little book. Churches should buy it in bulk and distribute it freely to their men and families. This could easily be used in pre-marriage classes and marriage counseling. I highly recommend the book.

[Taylor Bradbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Short. Accessible. Straight to the point. This is a great introduction for men who desire to grow in their God-given callings to lead their families and homes—Beeke uses the images of prophet, priest, and king to communicate these realities. This will likely be my go-to resource for a short introduction for how men can grow in leading and loving well.

4.5/5 stars

[Colby Reese · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gem from Beeke. Encouraging, convicting, instructive, easy to follow and understand, and best of all, centered on Christ. Not only is it a brief book, but it has great reflection and discussion questions in each section. I will undoubtedly give this out by the dozens to men in my church and will continue to return to this for insight and reminders.

[Kelle Craft · Rating 5 out of 5]

So grateful for this little yet substantive book. What a gift to the church that Beeke has made an accessibly clear, encouraging, and convicting introduction to leading one’s wife and children in light of Christs work and his Word.

Men: If you’ve not spent much time considering the way in which you ought to lead your family, or perhaps you have no conviction that you ought to be leading your family at all - if you claim to follow Christ, pick up this book and begin the path to a more faithful obedience. Your wife and children are worth it - Christ is worth it - and your family will thank you for it.

[Johnny Zacchio jr. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Outstanding pastoral resource with much practical wisdom. I agree with some readers that to say a man participates in Christ’s threefold office in his home can be unhelpful and confusing. But I think to simply use the threefold office as merely an illustration that provides a framework for imitating Christ in the home (he even points to Job as a priestly example for the family), then I’m totally fine with it. It’s useful as long as the proper distance is created between the man and the Christ Himself. I recommend!

[Caleb Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short little book that accomplishes much. Beeke is always an encouragement when it comes to family worship and discipleship. What is a man if he succeeds in all areas of ministry and career and fails to lead and love his family? Not much.

Through Christs offices of Prophet, Priest and King Beeke calls men to reflect Christ in their homes. I am always stirred up by Beekes admonitions on the importance of family discipleship, scripture reading and daily prayer to cultivate a deep spiritual family life.

The only part that kept the book from five stars from me was the chapter on Christ as king which boiled male headship in the home down to servant-hood and loving your wife by catering to her every need. Though I think leading certainly entails serving as Christ did, this book gives validity to the critics of the “servant - leadership” model who I think rightly point out the fact that what’s usually meant by the term is just “servant”.

Other than that I will reference this book when I need a reminder about the importance of leading my wife and family in devotion.

[Amelia Hawkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

My husband was in a short-term book group to discuss this book that is actually, upon closer inspection, a pamphlet. He and I had so many conversations about it that I just decided to read it myself. It isn’t addressed to or written for wives. For this reason I genuinely had no idea how to rate it. So I asked what he’d rate it. He said 3 stars. That was how he led our family that day.

[Reagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible book and I absolutely will be reading this one again and again. Short and punchy. I had never considered walking through the idea of imitating Christ in His identities as Prophet, Priest, and King. Nor had I considered imitating these ideas in the home. Coming from Beeke, it is everything you would expect. This is not a wow or shock-factor type book, rather it is careful, methodical, Biblical, and direct. I was skeptical of how he divided the book into a Husband-Father being compared to Christ as Prophet/Priest/King in the home, but the way Beeke walked through these ideas was genuinely helpful and encouraging.

I will be suggesting this book to others and I will be reading it again. It was so good I also happened (truly in God's providence, not in my own doing) to have the book with me when my wife and I accidentally sat behind Pastor Joel and his wife when they visited our church. I never ask for autographs but the book was so impactful for me that I did indeed ask for him to sign it.

Final review: when my wife and I spoke with him, while his wife was engaged in another conversation, he spoke so highly and affectionately of his wife. That alone is evidence of the value of this book.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a husband, father, or plan to be one day, read this book. Memorize it. Wives and mothers would also benefit from it. Married couples reading it together would yield much fruit! Can’t recommend strongly enough! In insist. 😉

[Nidal Cruz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and to the point as promised! Super practical, biblical, and encouraging. I’m personally inspired not to love my wife more, but to love her better! I’ll probably read this again when parenting comes into the picture.

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could have been longer and more thorough, but then that would defeat the point of the book. This is a great launching pad for those who are looking to grow as godly men.

[Nick Robles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfectly concise, helpful, and encouraging. This will be a yearly read for me for the rest of my days.