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The Absurd History of English Literature: Book 1 – Bards, Beards & Bad Decisions: The Classical Era
History is full of war, wisdom, and world-changing ideas… but it’s also full of petty feuds, bad decisions, and writers who took themselves way too seriously. Welcome to The Absurd History of English Literature, the book that proves literary history is just as chaotic, dramatic, and downright ridiculous as reality TV—except with more togas and fewer commercial breaks.
This first installment takes you on a whirlwind tour of the Classical Era, where stories weren’t just told—they were sung, shouted, and sometimes written on wax tablets that definitely didn’t survive the test of time.
What’s Inside?📖 The Homeric Period – The OG storyteller, Homer, wrote The Iliad and The Odyssey, proving that wars could be fought over relationships, gods were very hands-on, and that one guy really should have just asked for directions instead of being lost at sea for ten years.
🏛 The Greek Period – Socrates annoyed people so much they made him drink poison, Aristotle had opinions on literally everything, and playwrights competed in drama festivals where the only way to win was to make the audience weep. Tragedy wasn’t just a genre—it was an entire way of life.
🛡 The Roman Period – Rome took Greek literature, repackaged it, and called it their own. They also LOVED a good epic poem—especially if it made them look powerful. Meanwhile, gladiators fought for sport, emperors recited poetry (badly), and satire was invented to cope with all of the above.
⛪ The Patristic Period – Where religious philosophy meets literature, early Christian thinkers reinterpreted classical works, and suddenly, Latin became the language of serious writing (and academic headaches for future students).
Why Should You Buy This Book?✅ Because history is hilarious. Forget dry, lifeless textbooks—this book is packed with witty storytelling, sarcastic commentary, and a deep appreciation for just how ridiculous the past really was.
✅ Because literature is weirder than you think. Did you know the first English literary influences weren’t even English? That Romans stole half their stories from the Greeks? That Plato wanted to ban poets because they were too dramatic?
✅ Because you’ll sound smart without the boring lectures. Impress (or mildly annoy) your friends with fun facts about ancient literature, and finally understand why professors are still obsessed with Homer.
✅ Because it’s the first in a series. If you enjoy this absurd take on the classical world, you’re in luck—there’s so much more ridiculous literary history to cover in the next books.
Whether you’re a student, teacher, history buff, literature lover, or just someone who enjoys laughing at the past, Bards, Beards & Bad Decisions is your perfect blend of education and entertainment. So grab your laurel wreath, pour yourself some wine (or coffee), and prepare for a journey through epic battles, philosophical rants, and literary legends who probably never expected their work to be analyzed centuries later.
🎭📚⚔️ Let the absurdity begin!
This first installment takes you on a whirlwind tour of the Classical Era, where stories weren’t just told—they were sung, shouted, and sometimes written on wax tablets that definitely didn’t survive the test of time.
What’s Inside?📖 The Homeric Period – The OG storyteller, Homer, wrote The Iliad and The Odyssey, proving that wars could be fought over relationships, gods were very hands-on, and that one guy really should have just asked for directions instead of being lost at sea for ten years.
🏛 The Greek Period – Socrates annoyed people so much they made him drink poison, Aristotle had opinions on literally everything, and playwrights competed in drama festivals where the only way to win was to make the audience weep. Tragedy wasn’t just a genre—it was an entire way of life.
🛡 The Roman Period – Rome took Greek literature, repackaged it, and called it their own. They also LOVED a good epic poem—especially if it made them look powerful. Meanwhile, gladiators fought for sport, emperors recited poetry (badly), and satire was invented to cope with all of the above.
⛪ The Patristic Period – Where religious philosophy meets literature, early Christian thinkers reinterpreted classical works, and suddenly, Latin became the language of serious writing (and academic headaches for future students).
Why Should You Buy This Book?✅ Because history is hilarious. Forget dry, lifeless textbooks—this book is packed with witty storytelling, sarcastic commentary, and a deep appreciation for just how ridiculous the past really was.
✅ Because literature is weirder than you think. Did you know the first English literary influences weren’t even English? That Romans stole half their stories from the Greeks? That Plato wanted to ban poets because they were too dramatic?
✅ Because you’ll sound smart without the boring lectures. Impress (or mildly annoy) your friends with fun facts about ancient literature, and finally understand why professors are still obsessed with Homer.
✅ Because it’s the first in a series. If you enjoy this absurd take on the classical world, you’re in luck—there’s so much more ridiculous literary history to cover in the next books.
Whether you’re a student, teacher, history buff, literature lover, or just someone who enjoys laughing at the past, Bards, Beards & Bad Decisions is your perfect blend of education and entertainment. So grab your laurel wreath, pour yourself some wine (or coffee), and prepare for a journey through epic battles, philosophical rants, and literary legends who probably never expected their work to be analyzed centuries later.
🎭📚⚔️ Let the absurdity begin!
191 pages, Kindle Edition
Published March 28, 2025
About the author
Mason Carter
57 books27 followersMason Carter (born Mushahid Syed) is a poet, fiction writer, translator, and academic whose work explores themes of social justice, autonomy, and the communal spirit that binds people together. He studied English Literature at Shah Abdul Latif University and the International Islamic University, completing his master’s thesis on communes and utopias in literature. His official site is: https://www.authormasoncarter.com
Since 2017, Mason has been teaching English Language and Literature, and he currently serves as a lecturer at Shah Abdul Latif University. His approach to teaching reflects his deep belief in learning as a shared, ongoing dialogue—one that continues to shape his writing and thought.
A writer since 2010, Mason draws inspiration from literary figures such as Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Khalil Gibran, and Samuel Beckett. His writing blends lyricism, philosophical inquiry, and political imagination, often blurring the boundaries between art and reflection.
Outside the classroom and the page, Mason enjoys reading, watching films and series on Netflix, and organizing study circles with friends. Above all, he finds his greatest inspiration in fatherhood and in the quiet, curious companionship of his daughter, Elsa.
Since 2017, Mason has been teaching English Language and Literature, and he currently serves as a lecturer at Shah Abdul Latif University. His approach to teaching reflects his deep belief in learning as a shared, ongoing dialogue—one that continues to shape his writing and thought.
A writer since 2010, Mason draws inspiration from literary figures such as Edgar Allan Poe, William Blake, Khalil Gibran, and Samuel Beckett. His writing blends lyricism, philosophical inquiry, and political imagination, often blurring the boundaries between art and reflection.
Outside the classroom and the page, Mason enjoys reading, watching films and series on Netflix, and organizing study circles with friends. Above all, he finds his greatest inspiration in fatherhood and in the quiet, curious companionship of his daughter, Elsa.
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
May 23, 2025
This book had me laughing so much that my family was wondering whether I had at last gone completely nuts!
I officially think that this book titled ‘The Absurd History of English literature: Book 1 – Bards, Beards and Bad Decisions’ is one of the best literary manuals or reference books I’ve ever read so far! It has been so wonderfully crafted and executed that I had to keep on coming back to it again and again even though I’ve got a hectic and almost mad schedule going on back here in Mumbai, India right now! I think Professor Mason has become my new author addiction, and I just can’t wait to read and devour more books written by him in the coming days and weeks.
‘The Absurd History of English Literature: Book 1 - Bards, Beards and Bad Decisions’ is part of Professor Mason’s Absurd History of English literature series. He plans on publishing about all the different stages of literary history in this series and I am totally excited about the next book in the series, because that is the historical period where most of my favourite Christian theological writers appear in.
The first book in this series is informative, educational, highly laugh out loud humorous, and will leave you in splits! It is perfect for those readers who want to be introduced to the stuff that makes literary history and yet don’t want to read something heavy like an out and out textbook. Believe me, after they read this book, they will automatically want to read up on some of the authors and book titles mentioned therein. Those who wish to read something bookish and literary too should definitely check Professor Mason’s book out; it is a winner! Those who also adore History like me and wish to read something light and fun in between their hectic schedules of teaching and studying should pick up Book 1 of The Absurd History of English literature series to read.
I adored this book, especially the jokes about all the classical writers of this period right from the Greek Era to the beginning of the Patristic Era. When Professor Mason was describing about Ovid, Horace, and Virgil, for some reason in between my many chuckles I thought that these three really seemed a lot like the three most famous ruling actors of Bollywood – Ovid (Shah Rukh Khan), Horace (Salman Khan) and Virgil (Aamir Khan). Why did I feel so and why that made me want to laugh some more is for you to find out by picking up this book by Professor Mason Carter today! I really found this portion of the book ‘standing ovation’ worthy!
But actually, the whole book is standing ovation worthy because it is so amazing, scholarly, and yet so simply written and full of so much fun!
You as a reader will roll on the ground laughing when Seneca is mentioned who was a stoic who had to work with the almost rabid beast like Nero. You will fall off your bed when The Dialogues of Plato is called the Socratic Talk Show. You will gasp when you read that Diogenes plucked a chicken just to make a point, while you will holler with glee when Gorgias defends a poor guy accused sorely for stealing a silly goat. You will giggle in a silly manner when you read about the person who almost stated that the truth does not matter, only what sounds convincing does, but you will laugh tears of hilarity when you read about Horace who wished to ‘in a way’ quit his day job to live in a cabin alone with a cat! You will be educated, made knowledgeable, and more cultivated by the end of this book, but will still have loads of laughs along the way.
Students of literature at the undergraduate level – this book is for you. Lovers of English literature in general – this book is certainly for you. Don’t miss it! Addiction to the series is guaranteed! Professor Mason Carter is a genius!
From women painting their faces with a foundation powder made of poisonous lead to Dante picking Virgil as his guide through Inferno; from a travel blogger Christian nun in the 4th century CE to Socrates being adept at roasting people for being wrong throughout his life; from beetle lipstick to Spartans painting the town red fully naked; from Lucretius being called a Roman Carl Sagan to Thomas Jefferson being a huge fan of a Greek public speaker who could not keep his mouth shut for his own good; from teenage deviants turned Christian bishops to Alexander the Great blocking Diogenes tan – you have many reasons not to miss Professor Mason Carter’s book this year 2025. Grab your copy of his book today and be enlightened – the fun way!
I adored the book, especially because of Ovid, Virgil, and Horace as I’ve mentioned before. I have always identified myself with Diogenes so I loved his portion of the book as well as that plucked chicken joke; can’t get enough of it. Everyone I know, especially my professors and teacher colleagues feel I am a reincarnation of Diogenes; so, they respect me but hate me at the same time and I take that as a compliment. I also adored seeing the names of the female writers of this literary era. I’m so glad Professor Mason included these noteworthy women in this book. This inclusive element won my full-hearted support for this book.
Professor Mason is an entertaining and marvellous writer. He is also an equally amazing professor of English literature, and I especially ask his students too to do support their professor and to read this book of his and leave their views about the same on Amazon, Goodreads, Fable, StoryGraph, or another book reviewing site in their vicinity. They are totally lucky to have such an amazing and erudite man as their professor!
Obviously, Professor Mason gets 5 stars from me! Kudos to him on a brilliant job done! I repeat, he is a genius!
I officially think that this book titled ‘The Absurd History of English literature: Book 1 – Bards, Beards and Bad Decisions’ is one of the best literary manuals or reference books I’ve ever read so far! It has been so wonderfully crafted and executed that I had to keep on coming back to it again and again even though I’ve got a hectic and almost mad schedule going on back here in Mumbai, India right now! I think Professor Mason has become my new author addiction, and I just can’t wait to read and devour more books written by him in the coming days and weeks.
‘The Absurd History of English Literature: Book 1 - Bards, Beards and Bad Decisions’ is part of Professor Mason’s Absurd History of English literature series. He plans on publishing about all the different stages of literary history in this series and I am totally excited about the next book in the series, because that is the historical period where most of my favourite Christian theological writers appear in.
The first book in this series is informative, educational, highly laugh out loud humorous, and will leave you in splits! It is perfect for those readers who want to be introduced to the stuff that makes literary history and yet don’t want to read something heavy like an out and out textbook. Believe me, after they read this book, they will automatically want to read up on some of the authors and book titles mentioned therein. Those who wish to read something bookish and literary too should definitely check Professor Mason’s book out; it is a winner! Those who also adore History like me and wish to read something light and fun in between their hectic schedules of teaching and studying should pick up Book 1 of The Absurd History of English literature series to read.
I adored this book, especially the jokes about all the classical writers of this period right from the Greek Era to the beginning of the Patristic Era. When Professor Mason was describing about Ovid, Horace, and Virgil, for some reason in between my many chuckles I thought that these three really seemed a lot like the three most famous ruling actors of Bollywood – Ovid (Shah Rukh Khan), Horace (Salman Khan) and Virgil (Aamir Khan). Why did I feel so and why that made me want to laugh some more is for you to find out by picking up this book by Professor Mason Carter today! I really found this portion of the book ‘standing ovation’ worthy!
But actually, the whole book is standing ovation worthy because it is so amazing, scholarly, and yet so simply written and full of so much fun!
You as a reader will roll on the ground laughing when Seneca is mentioned who was a stoic who had to work with the almost rabid beast like Nero. You will fall off your bed when The Dialogues of Plato is called the Socratic Talk Show. You will gasp when you read that Diogenes plucked a chicken just to make a point, while you will holler with glee when Gorgias defends a poor guy accused sorely for stealing a silly goat. You will giggle in a silly manner when you read about the person who almost stated that the truth does not matter, only what sounds convincing does, but you will laugh tears of hilarity when you read about Horace who wished to ‘in a way’ quit his day job to live in a cabin alone with a cat! You will be educated, made knowledgeable, and more cultivated by the end of this book, but will still have loads of laughs along the way.
Students of literature at the undergraduate level – this book is for you. Lovers of English literature in general – this book is certainly for you. Don’t miss it! Addiction to the series is guaranteed! Professor Mason Carter is a genius!
From women painting their faces with a foundation powder made of poisonous lead to Dante picking Virgil as his guide through Inferno; from a travel blogger Christian nun in the 4th century CE to Socrates being adept at roasting people for being wrong throughout his life; from beetle lipstick to Spartans painting the town red fully naked; from Lucretius being called a Roman Carl Sagan to Thomas Jefferson being a huge fan of a Greek public speaker who could not keep his mouth shut for his own good; from teenage deviants turned Christian bishops to Alexander the Great blocking Diogenes tan – you have many reasons not to miss Professor Mason Carter’s book this year 2025. Grab your copy of his book today and be enlightened – the fun way!
I adored the book, especially because of Ovid, Virgil, and Horace as I’ve mentioned before. I have always identified myself with Diogenes so I loved his portion of the book as well as that plucked chicken joke; can’t get enough of it. Everyone I know, especially my professors and teacher colleagues feel I am a reincarnation of Diogenes; so, they respect me but hate me at the same time and I take that as a compliment. I also adored seeing the names of the female writers of this literary era. I’m so glad Professor Mason included these noteworthy women in this book. This inclusive element won my full-hearted support for this book.
Professor Mason is an entertaining and marvellous writer. He is also an equally amazing professor of English literature, and I especially ask his students too to do support their professor and to read this book of his and leave their views about the same on Amazon, Goodreads, Fable, StoryGraph, or another book reviewing site in their vicinity. They are totally lucky to have such an amazing and erudite man as their professor!
Obviously, Professor Mason gets 5 stars from me! Kudos to him on a brilliant job done! I repeat, he is a genius!
July 4, 2025
What a delightful book that sometimes had me laughing out loud! Mason Carter's history of ancient classics teaches, clarifies, and entertains. He strips the bloviation from the subject and presents these classics in ways that make sense with a sense of fun. Who would have thought to compare the major Greek philosophies to TV shows but Mason Carter? He introduces writers like Plautus, the inventor and popularizer of slapstick comedy. He pokes fun at ancient fashions. This light-hearted romp through literature should be on the desk of every student studying ancient literature in order to summarize the lives and impacts of the writers and to provide chuckles during exam week.
Highly recommended.
Highly recommended.
July 25, 2026
Interesting, bite sized (sometimes funny), facts about the writers of years gone by. I am not sure I would have gotten as much as I did from this book if I hadn't already had a pretty workable knowledge of the historical timeframes mentioned.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews