How to Lead Your Family: A Guide for Men Wanting to Be More

by Joel R. Beeke

The Good News? You’d die for your wife and kids.
The Bad News? That’s the easy part.

Being a godly husband and father isn’t about one big heroic moment—it’s about showing up every day. You need a simple, biblical plan to help you stay faithful in the daily grind of leading your family.

This short, practical guide unpacks how Jesus’ ministry should shape our leadership at home. With Christ-centered encouragement and no-nonsense wisdom, Joel Beeke challenges us to step up to God’s calling—while reminding us to rest in the finished work of Christ alone.

Straightforward and full of real-world lessons, How to Lead Your A Guide for Men Wanting to be More sets high standards. But it also gives us the biblical foundation, encouragement, and practical advice we need to pursue those standards. Read it, and prayerfully lift your entire family through steady, loving leadership.

Contents

Introduction

A Prophet in the HomeA Priest in the HomeA King in the Home
Conclusion
Notes

Endorsement

“This book is a masterpiece. Joel Beeke not only provides sound biblical teaching about being a father, he also gives us a simple and practical framework for reminding us of our prophet, priest, and king. Each of these perspectives on fatherhood is opened up and applied with clarity. If you want to understand fatherhood and its primary responsibilities from a biblical perspective, read this booklet, then share it with someone else.”
— Tedd Tripp, senior pastor of Grace Fellowship Church, Hazleton, Pennsylvania, and author of Shepherding a Child’s Heart

About the Author

Joel R. Beeke is chancellor and professor of homiletics and systematic theology of Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary and a minister of the Heritage Reformed Congregation of Grand Rapids, Michigan.

Genres: Parenting, Christian Living, Theology, Christian, Leadership, Marriage, Family

Kindle Edition

Published May 12, 2025

About the author

Dr. Joel R. Beeke serves as President and Professor of Systematic Theology, Church History, and Homiletics at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary. He has been in the ministry since 1978 and has served as a pastor of his current church, Heritage Reformed Congregation, since 1986. He is also editor of the Banner of Sovereign Grace Truth, editorial director of Reformation Heritage Books, president of Inheritance Publishers, and vice-president of the Dutch Reformed Translation Society. He has written, co-authored, or edited fifty books and contributed over fifteen hundred articles to Reformed books, journals, periodicals, and encyclopedias. His Ph.D. (1988) from Westminster Theological Seminary is in Reformation and Post-Reformation Theology. He is frequently called upon to lecture at Reformed seminaries and to speak at conferences around the world. He and his wife, Mary, have three children: Calvin, Esther, and Lydia.

Reviews

[JT Stead · Rating 5 out of 5]

This will be my go to field guide for discipling men! Phenomenal!!

[Collin Lewis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short. Practical. Biblical.

[Zack · Rating 5 out of 5]

A 30-minute read worth every second. This mercifully brief book is a sound and biblical guide to leading one’s family after the model of Christ and on the sure foundation of His gospel. It strikes a good balance between service, stewardship, and authority/headship.

[Mark Donald · Rating 5 out of 5]

Packed with practical wisdom. Interestingly framed around the threefold office of Christ as prophet, priest, and King.

Will definitely return to this for my own life and to teach others.

[James Oaks · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to be like Jesus and I want to lead my family towards loving God deeply. This book helps me understand the role I have to point my wife and child towards God preaching grace and not law. Short and simple to understand. Bought several copies after reading to give to the deacons in my church to study with.

[Ben Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

As the little circle graphic on the top corner of the cover states: short and to the point. Beeke has provided a "manual" of sorts, establishing the Scriptural pillars beneath the God's design for what it means to be a husband/father. One to keep on hand for regular exhortation.

[Jacob Lovett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to it as a short audiobook, and I will certainly revisit it again! Beeke provides great insight into what biblical male headship is to look like in the home in many practical ways. Given its brevity, I would highly recommend this book to both men and women as a helpful framework for what it means for a husband and father to lead well.

[Timothy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is good. It offers many helpful reminders and contains solid biblical teaching.

However, I really don’t understand why he chose to present the man/husband as Prophet, Priest, and King. That framework seems almost guaranteed to be misunderstood, leading some to think that the husband is meant to take the place of Christ in the family. To his credit, he does work hard to clarify and correct such misinterpretations—but if he had structured the book even slightly differently, I think he could have avoided much of that confusion from the start.

Yes, wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord, and the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church (Eph. 5:22–23). But the comparison is certainly limited. A husband is not a mediator for his family, nor can he atone for their sins. He should not be granted unquestioned authority to do whatever he pleases simply because he is the “king” of the home. The previous verse even says plainly, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Eph. 5:21). I'm sure Beeke himself would agree with those points—so why use such a problematic picture that invites this misunderstanding?

It would be different if Scripture itself portrayed the husband as prophet, priest, and king—but it doesn’t. There must be a better way to communicate the gravity and seriousness of a husband’s role while keeping to biblical imagery.

[Michael Philliber · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joel Beeke goes straight to his point. In this 80-page softback, he speaks to Christian husbands and fathers about reflecting Christ as prophets, priests, and kings in their family. It's not a book supporting male bravado and machismo. Instead, how does a man, as leader in his family, lead well and rightly?

Beeke us very practical. For example, he is clear how godly husbands relate to their wives. "Give her your thoughts, your time, your talk, your tenderness, and your touch, but make sure you touch her heart before you touch her body" (32). Wow!

He also addresses the important task of raising children to be adults. He includes the importance of discipline (even spanking). Beeke even emphasizes how fathers should understand their children and be understanding, but not our children's buddies.

This is a great little book. Churches should buy it in bulk and distribute it freely to their men and families. This could easily be used in pre-marriage classes and marriage counseling. I highly recommend the book.

[Taylor Bradbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Short. Accessible. Straight to the point. This is a great introduction for men who desire to grow in their God-given callings to lead their families and homes—Beeke uses the images of prophet, priest, and king to communicate these realities. This will likely be my go-to resource for a short introduction for how men can grow in leading and loving well.

4.5/5 stars

[Colby Reese · Rating 5 out of 5]

A gem from Beeke. Encouraging, convicting, instructive, easy to follow and understand, and best of all, centered on Christ. Not only is it a brief book, but it has great reflection and discussion questions in each section. I will undoubtedly give this out by the dozens to men in my church and will continue to return to this for insight and reminders.

[Kelle Craft · Rating 5 out of 5]

So grateful for this little yet substantive book. What a gift to the church that Beeke has made an accessibly clear, encouraging, and convicting introduction to leading one’s wife and children in light of Christs work and his Word.

Men: If you’ve not spent much time considering the way in which you ought to lead your family, or perhaps you have no conviction that you ought to be leading your family at all - if you claim to follow Christ, pick up this book and begin the path to a more faithful obedience. Your wife and children are worth it - Christ is worth it - and your family will thank you for it.

[Caleb Baker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Short little book that accomplishes much. Beeke is always an encouragement when it comes to family worship and discipleship. What is a man if he succeeds in all areas of ministry and career and fails to lead and love his family? Not much.

Through Christs offices of Prophet, Priest and King Beeke calls men to reflect Christ in their homes. I am always stirred up by Beekes admonitions on the importance of family discipleship, scripture reading and daily prayer to cultivate a deep spiritual family life.

The only part that kept the book from five stars from me was the chapter on Christ as king which boiled male headship in the home down to servant-hood and loving your wife by catering to her every need. Though I think leading certainly entails serving as Christ did, this book gives validity to the critics of the “servant - leadership” model who I think rightly point out the fact that what’s usually meant by the term is just “servant”.

Other than that I will reference this book when I need a reminder about the importance of leading my wife and family in devotion.

[Amelia Hawkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

My husband was in a short-term book group to discuss this book that is actually, upon closer inspection, a pamphlet. He and I had so many conversations about it that I just decided to read it myself. It isn’t addressed to or written for wives. For this reason I genuinely had no idea how to rate it. So I asked what he’d rate it. He said 3 stars. That was how he led our family that day.

[Reagan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredible book and I absolutely will be reading this one again and again. Short and punchy. I had never considered walking through the idea of imitating Christ in His identities as Prophet, Priest, and King. Nor had I considered imitating these ideas in the home. Coming from Beeke, it is everything you would expect. This is not a wow or shock-factor type book, rather it is careful, methodical, Biblical, and direct. I was skeptical of how he divided the book into a Husband-Father being compared to Christ as Prophet/Priest/King in the home, but the way Beeke walked through these ideas was genuinely helpful and encouraging.

I will be suggesting this book to others and I will be reading it again. It was so good I also happened (truly in God's providence, not in my own doing) to have the book with me when my wife and I accidentally sat behind Pastor Joel and his wife when they visited our church. I never ask for autographs but the book was so impactful for me that I did indeed ask for him to sign it.

Final review: when my wife and I spoke with him, while his wife was engaged in another conversation, he spoke so highly and affectionately of his wife. That alone is evidence of the value of this book.

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Could have been longer and more thorough, but then that would defeat the point of the book. This is a great launching pad for those who are looking to grow as godly men.

[Nick Robles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Perfectly concise, helpful, and encouraging. This will be a yearly read for me for the rest of my days.

[Wilson Porte Jr. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Como tudo que Berle escreve, que livro maravilhoso. Deus me ajude a praticá-lo!

[Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

While I disagree with some minor points of this book, overall I think this book is(as it claims) a great, short and to the point primer for how to be a good husband/father. Definitely going to be a resource I share with the men of my church.

[Tristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and powerful. Only 80 pages. Highly recommend.

[Coleson White · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good

[Caleb Brussel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this short book with several men from church. Clear, biblical, practical, and challenging!

[Hayden Mills · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some strengths, particularly in its tone and pastoral intent. Beeke emphasizes the selfless posture that husbands and fathers should adopt toward their wives and children—a welcome corrective to authoritarian or weak examples of headship. He stresses biblically-rooted responsibilities such as spiritual leadership, provision, and protection, and encourages men to think sacrificially about their role in the home. These emphases were among the most valuable aspects of the book for me.

However, my overall impression of this book is negative. The primary concern lies in Beeke’s appropriation of the threefold office of Christ—the munus triplex (prophet, priest, and king)—as a framework for manly leadership. Beeke appeals to the Heidelberg Catechism to justify this, but the Catechism itself makes that connection broadly of all believers united to Christ, not of husbands in particular.

Beeke is careful to qualify that a man is not actually Christ—he cannot speak with divine authority, mediate like a priest, or rule as a king. Yet he still uses formulations like “you are a prophet to your family” and speaks in terms of “covenantal responsibilities” that sound priestly or mediatorial in ways the New Testament does not. Statements such as “bring her to God so that she can glorify Him and enjoy Him forever” blurs Christ’s unique office.

I find it intriguing that the 1689 confession includes the following statement in 8.9 - "This office of mediator between God and man is proper only to Christ, who is the prophet, priest, and king of the church of God; and may not be either in whole, or any part thereof, transferred from Him to any other." However, the Westminster Confession does not include this statement...

Related to this is Beeke’s tendency to frame the household in ecclesial terms, comparing it at times to a church, seminary, or temple. However well-intentioned, this contributes to the confusion. Scripture certainly calls men to lead, teach, love, and protect their households, but it does not describe the home as a miniature church with the husband standing in a quasi-pastoral, priestly, or kingly role.

In the end, Beeke’s approach feels like an overcorrection to modern egalitarianism and feminist pressures—similar in spirit to other reactions like Eternal Functional Subordination (EFS). Approprating the munus triplex for male leadership seems to impose a Christological office onto the husband/father that the Bible itself does not apply. The Pauline imperatives in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 provide a clear and sufficient model for male leadership in the home: humble headship, sacrificial love, and spiritual care patterned after Christ’s love for the church—not participation in the munus triplex.

In short, while Beeke’s pastoral tone and emphasis on selfless leadership are admirable, the model built on Christ’s threefold office is, in my view, unhelpful and confusing. The apostle Paul give us more than enough to ground and guide husbands without borrowing categories Scripture reserves for Christ alone.

[Nick Barzilla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and found it practical and encouraging. Beeke calls men who are husbands and fathers to imitate Christ in their homes by considering his anointed offices: prophet, priest, and king. He clearly teaches that imitating Christ in this way is impossible without the regeneration and power of the Holy Spirit working in the heart of believers. I appreciated the specific examples given to demonstrate how men use authority to serve and love their wives and children, pointing them to Christ as their true prophet, priest, and king. It’s concise and I’ll probably re-read sometime soon. The discussion questions were also well-written and helpful.

[Nick Lees · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was given to me for Father's Day. It is short and to the point, using Christ's roles as prophet, priest, and king as the framework for how men should lead their homes. It consistently points back to Christ and provides straightforward calls to action. It challenged me to make some changes in my leadership of my wife and kids. I do think it could have benefited from either some more practical "how to" content for men that have never led this way before. I would be hesitant to have this be my first resource to give men who are very immature unless I'm going to walk alongside them in applying it.

[Ian Crosby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple, clear, concise and practical. A helpful book that you can easily read in one sitting. No reason for a husband and father to not take 45 minutes to read it. Can also see it being a helpful book for men to walk through together chapter by chapter - the study questions and personal reflection questions make it easy to do so.

[Kevin Halloran]

A short pep talk for men that follow the Prophet, Priest, and King triad. Really solid and practical, recommended for small groups. Although not much was new to me, I finished the book with a renewed call to lead in a Christ-like way and intercede for my family.

[Micah Crowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Prophet, priest, and king is the glorious savior we have and he has commanded us men to be like him in those offices exercised in our home. Simply, profound, practical, and useful for any men in any stage of life.

[Matt Ecton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Only 80 pages, but packed to the brim with practical exhortations and thoughtful reflection questions. Very good.

[Joshua Chatman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an edifying read! It blessed me. I highly recommend it.