Lessons on Living: Finding Your Way Through Life's Ups and Downs

by Nigel Latta

Bestselling author Nigel Latta's simple psychological toolkit for life's ups and downs.


What do you do when you're told you only have months to live?

If you're Nigel Latta, first, you're going to eat a lot of ice cream. And then you're going to assemble a mental toolbox to deal with every conceivable conundrum the world could throw at you (the small ones and the big ones).

After three decades working as a clinical psychologist, Nigel has found there are just three principles you need to deal with life's ups and downs. Whether you want to be a better parent, build an empire or get through some tough times, these easy-to-carry principles will help you to do that.

Consider this book a guide to how to respond in any situation, drive your own bus, and do it all with resilience, joy and attention to what matters most.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Biography, Audiobook, Memoir, Autobiography

311 pages, Kindle Edition

Published October 1, 2025

About the author

Nigel Raymond Latta ONZM was a New Zealand clinical psychologist, author and broadcaster. He has been described as "New Zealand's best-known psychologist".

Nigel Raymond Latta was born and raised in Oamaru, New Zealand. He attended Waitaki Boys' High School & he studied Marine Science and Zoology at the University of Otago, and completed a Master of Philosophy with First Class Honours in Psychology at the University of Auckland, along with a postgraduate diploma in clinical psychology.

Latta worked as a consultant in his field for private companies and government social service agencies, including Department of Corrections, the New Zealand Police and Child Youth and Family.

In the 2010s, he became known for his true crime documentaries and psychology-based television series, as the host of Beyond The Darklands, The Politically Incorrect Guide to Teenagers and The Politically Incorrect Parenting Show, and a science show called Nigel Latta Blows Stuff Up, among others. In 2016, Latta co-found Ruckus Films, a production company which produced several feature documentaries including Born This Way: Awa’s Story and Stan. He also began presenting general interest television shows, such as The Hard Stuff with Nigel Latta, which approached social and political issues,and You've Been Scammed by Nigel Latta which examines common types of scams.

Latta was appointed an Officer of the New Zealand Order of Merit in the 2012 Queen's Birthday and Diamond Jubilee Honours, for services to psychology.

In September 2024, Latta revealed that he had been diagnosed with "inoperable and incurable" terminal stomach cancer, and that he was undergoing chemotherapy that had shrunk the tumour by about 60 percent. Latta was told that he had 6 to 12 months to live. In February 2025, the prognosis was reduced to four weeks after a scan indicated that the cancer had spread to his lungs. However, Latta later said that, because of the treatment he was receiving, he believed he would continue to live for "years and years". In March 2025, he stated that he was no longer terminally ill. Latta died on 30 September 2025, at the age of 58 at the Mercy Hospice in Ponsonby, Auckland.

Abridged from Wikipedia, information about his death from the Stuff website.

Reviews

[James Docking]

A welcome break from the narcissistic rants of many of our leaders

[Nina Parkinson]

Beautiful book an some simple tips of how to live life well. I enjoyed this but Nigel is me hero so might be a bit bias lol

[Runningt Kavanagh]

drive your own bus.
look for the space between your reaction and response.

an incredible leader

[Livia Wren]

It's hard to be unbiased about this book. I've enjoyed Latta's work for years - even when I was the teenager he was teaching my parents about how to parent - and knowing he has died and this is his final book makes it hard to critique without emotion. I think it does show it was written in a rush, and that more time with an editor would've improved it (beyond some sections that I think could've been tightened up, the brush-stroke titles have letter substitution errors that really should've been found before it went to print).

However, nonetheless, if this was written in a rush, I think it speaks to the quality of his mind and his life for it to be as good as it is. This is a book on how to survive, but it's also a book on how to squeeze as much sweetness from the world as you can in the time you've got - and largely by being a source of sweetness yourself.

Well, maybe. Maybe that's a bit reductive - but he writes about how to be a better version of yourself, and he makes it seem easy. How easy will it be in practice? I'm unsure. I've only just finished, and I haven't had a chance to put his advice into action, but for today, it seems like good advice. Assume the best. Persist. Know what you can control, and focus on that. Be curious. Care for your team. Love is the most important thing.

I borrowed this copy from a library, but I've been through some spectacularly shitty events in the last month, and I think I will need to get a copy for myself, to keep fairly handy and to dip back into it on occasion. I want to think I'll remember things, but I won't, and yet there's a lot of good juice in life that I want to get out, even when things are bleak. So yeah - this book isn't perfect. Maybe it isn't actually 5-star material. But I think it has the potential to have a 5-star impact.

[Laura Marriott]

Pretty solid but not my thing.

My favourite quote and the thing I relate most to over the last year is “almost nothing matters” and when you think about death and dying it changes your perspective. Like who you want to be around and what you want to be doing. Turns out I had been wasting a lot of energy on shit that doesn’t even matter.

[Joan Grant]

Very good advice, everyone should read it

[Kristin Crook]

Started reading this after my grandad died as he had bought it and never got the chance to read it, so very meaningful and pivotal. I loved Nigel Latta, I think he was a reason why I came to love clinical psychology. Just a really nice digestible book of tools to get through shit and how to be a better person in general.

[Mia Quinn]

My friends grandad recommended this book to me. It’s very different to my usual reads, I’m usually a fiction gal. I really enjoyed this book though, very eye opening and has some life advice that I’ll try to put into practice a bit more

[Lil Teich]

Really enjoyed this book - Nigel has always been funny and entertaining, and also a great communicator of a whole lot of knowledge!
It’s particularly insightful to hear from someone who was dealing with some significant challenges, and had the psychology background and experience, what works for them!

Main lessons:
1. You drive the bus
2. Focus on what you can control
3. Teamwork

[Liam McBooks]

Fuck man oh fuck. Oh fuck. Ow. Fuck man ow my heart and soul. Oh fuck man those last 50 pages hit like a bus. Oh death, you miserable bastard. Always the good ones. I hope the takeaways from this stick with me for the rest of my life. I hope I return to this book. I hope in 30 years when people are asking me questions about my life I can quote Nigel Latta and his final words of wisdom. I didn’t cry but I came closer than any book has made me so far

[Julie]

What an insightful, funny and moving legacy. Three simple principles: #1 drive the bus (don't be a passenger in your own life), #2 focus on the things you can control (don't waste time and energy), #3 teamwork (the best work we ever do is always with other people). RIP Nigel.

[Ailish]

OUCH! Why’d you have to die Nigel? What a beautiful perspective on life, with such a depressing context. Man, I’m not going to stop thinking about this book for a WHILE

[Jan]

What do you do when you are told have months to live
Some tools to deal with any situation . ..
.

[Laura]

A treasure of a book. Made special by Latta’s familiar humour and the way he spoke about his terminal cancer diagnosis. A lovely swan song from a lovely man.

[Joy]

Lots of great principles. Attitude is key.

[Wendy]

A bitter-sweet emotional read. What an amazing human being and what a loss.

[Lisa]

The best book I've read in a long time. Thanks Nigel, you are missed. I've enjoyed all of Nigel's books and tv series. Always easy to read and relevant for every day life.

[Nicki]

Wonderful man. We were so lucky to have him while we did. Inspiring and heartbreaking read.

[Kate]

I have admired Nigel for years we swum in similar yet different worlds in our small country at the bottom of the world. The one time we connected in the central part of the venn diagram will be all the more profound and poignant having read this.

There is stuff I could say but honestly it's really only of interest to me and perhaps my clients. I found this wee book sad, joyous and affirming. I read it out of respect and curiosity. It is packed full of bullet points with just enough of the key science and evidence to actually be helpful but it's message is hammered home because knowing that you are terminally ill creates something truly authentic and if I am honest voyeuristic.

I will absolutely use this as resource for my work as padding out the bullet points for each unique individual will continue his legacy. His big life goal was to help people and in this I can honour that for him.

Rest in peace beautiful man with a particular skill in knowing how to make the complex simple.

[Josie Laird]

This is a bitter-sweet read, learning about Nigels efforts to stay alive and positive while knowing that he died.
He shares very personal stories. What a caring person he was, and so what a great loss it is to us all.
I hope I can remember his teachings.

[Sreader]

Easy read, thought provoking

[Bruce]

Interesting book. It covers a lot of ground and has a lot of personal insights and experience. His death is a great loss. His long tail was a bit short

[Johnnie Kovacevich]

Nigel Latta is a New Zealand psychologist who wrote this book whilst suffering terminal stomach cancer. It is written in a remarkable unself-piteous and uncynical tone as the disease finally killed him on 30 September 2025.

I find there is a wisdom in those who are facing their own imminent death. Theirs is a focus on what REALLY MATTERS – what REALLY IS IMPORTANT IN LIFE. Like floating above the earth looking down on people preoccupied with the exigencies of life, people completely oblivious to the bigger picture. Theirs is a light that is phosphorescent - like Madame Marie Curie after spending four years boiling down tons and tons of pitchblende, ending up with a single cupful of radioluminescent radium, so powerful that it glowed in the dark.

Ultimately the radium of Nigel Latta’s thoughts boils down to three things which owe their origin indirectly to the great Roman philosopher Epictetus and Stoic philosophy, Viktor Frankl, Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy namely:

[1 You are in control of your thoughts and actions
[2] Focus on what you can control rather than what you cannot control:
[3] Nothing can be achieved without others.

His three chief insights are simple: spoiler alert:

Principle One: Drive the Bus
This principle emphasizes the importance of taking control of your life and making intentional choices. It’s about recognizing the space between a stimulus and your response, and using that space to make thoughtful decisions rather than being driven by emotions or external circumstances. The idea is to act with intention and not be a passive passenger in your own life.

Principle Two: Focus on the Things You Can Control
This principle advises not to waste time and energy on things outside your control. Instead, focus on what you can control: namely our thoughts and actions. It’s about using wisdom and moderation to direct your efforts towards things that will make a real difference. The principle is rooted in Stoic philosophy, which teaches that we have power over thoughts, emotions and actions. External events do not control our reaction to those external events.

Principle Three: Teamwork
The third principle highlights the importance of collaboration and building strong relationships. It discusses the value of working together, supporting each other, and creating a sense of community. The principle underscores that achieving great things often requires the collective effort of a team.

But perhaps the greatest principle is this: The ultimate metric is love:

“There is only one metric that really matters when we measure ourselves against the way we’ve chosen to live our lives: In the end … there is only love.”

There is a great humanity and much useful, remarkably unself-piteous and uncynical advice in this book. There is much life affirming wisdom in it, which is sadly given greater force because it is by a person whose life was expiring as he wrote it. I couldn’t recommend it more highly: 22.02.2026 - John Kovacevich Barrister-at-law in Auckland, New Zealand, a land so far away it is tomorrow

[Sir Thomas 4th Earl of Te Kauwhata]

An intriguing read and insight into Nigel Latta’s key learnings on life. I had only heard Nigel’s name in passing over the years, unsure who he really was or what he really did. I received this book for Christmas and didn’t think much of it, but thought i’d give it a read regardless Typical of me, it took 3 months to finish, however that is not a good representation on how it captivates the readers attention. The book was very interesting, with many takeaway’s on how to navigate life when you are faced with difficult situations. It gives you complex physiological tools broken down into simple day to day examples, so the average reader can fully comprehend how to implement them into everyday life. I really appreciated the theme of the book in terms of controlling your own response to scenarios and taking them head on with a positive mindset and attitude. Although Nigel has now unfortunately passed away, he leaves us with a tool kit on how to deal with the difficulties life throws us, and teaches us that when life is put into perspective, nothing really matters. He encourages you to build strong connections with people and to live life to the fullest, as you never know when your tail end may be brought upon you. Highly recommended read to anyone, no matter the challenges life has currently thrown your way.

[Kiwiflora]

Such a terrible loss to the world with the recent death of Nigel Latta. I devoured his parenting books, watched his TV shows in awe. What a truly marvellous approach to life he had, his enthusiasm, overwhelming curiosity about the world, all living creatures, including us humans. He made all this so accessible and fascinating. Even his parenting advice, full of common sense, did seem to make the whole process more organic!

This book, written in the last months of his life, operates in pretty much the same vein. Just get on with it basically, with a few hints to help you wade through the often messiness of our daily lives. It all comes down to, at the end, of course, the people who you are doing it all with, and this is probably the key thing I got out of this book. His best stories in the book, to help support, his lessons on living, were about the people (and the penguins) he came into contact with. I would actually enjoyed more of his people/lived experience stories than the explanations for the lessons. But he still had plenty to say, and only so little time to say it. Definitely worth reading, just to learn that life is for living, and you better get on with it.

[Shane Ramos]

Book recommended by a patient's son. ♡

ᥫ᭡ "I have lectured all my friends and family on this over the last few months. If you can possibly afford it you should, in my humble and - just to be very clear - non-financial advisor opinion, have these three things in place:
1. Life insurance
2. Income protection
3. Health insurance

And again, so I don't get justifiably angry emails from people, I know those things
are a luxury that many people simply
can't afford."

ᥫ᭡ "If it's a choice between an annual holiday and life insurance ••• choose life insurance. It's boring until the boat starts sinking, then it's a lifesaver.
None of us want to think about this stuff. It's not as much fun as a new car or a trip to Disneyland. Death really is a sooty old rooster and none of us
feel uplifted thinking about him."

ᥫ᭡ "Insurance is the lifeboat you climb into when the ship hits the iceberg ••• so get the very best one you can afford."

ᥫ᭡ "When you think about dying,' I would say, 'it makes you get more serious about living •••
you become more intentional about where you're
spending your time and who you're spending it with.'"

[Simon Hepple]

Neat book, if it felt a little it lacked any direction. I do love Nigel's writing style and even his lessons, the book felt random and all over the show. In some ways it felt like a book on stoicism as many of the concepts are all from stoics that I love and in other ways, I couldn't understand what I was reading. But overall I enjoyed reading his autobiography even if the flow wasn't what I would normally read.

I feel evil only giving 3 stars when he has already passed, but I know from his personality that he won't care and based on my own personal trauma and loss, he would likely back me with this view!

[Jill]

What an absolute gift of a book! Latta passed away in September and "Lessons on Living" is a toolkit- just 3 principles, for coping with life's ups and downs. Delivered in his usual style - with humour, pathos and lots of anecdotes, Latta has not just given us the tools to deal with hard things, he has explained the principles in such a way as to make it easy for us to remember them. In "Lessons" he has also taken us on his journey through cancer and left us with the most beautiful gift at the end - the answer to Life, the Universe, and Everything. Recommended.

[Julie Schooler]

There is nothing more poignant than reading a book titled 'Lessons on Living' from an author who has since passed away. Part self-help book, part cancer memoir, part love story, this is my kind of book. We have all heard these words of wisdom before but it doesn't hurt to hear them again, especially in the author's unique, quirky voice. Both heartfelt and humorous this is a must read for all, but especially for Kiwis, like me, who miss this author tremendously. Gone too soon. Rest in peace, Nigel.

[Aidan Chesney]

A book written post-cancer diagnosis, gives the reader a clear guide on how, like the author, we can use three simple principles to work through life’s ups and many down.

Using stories from personal experience, Nigel skill fully crafts a how-to guide, showing clear evidence on when to use the skills. He approaches the topic with colloquial language, which makes these big ideas easy to understand and digest.

Recommend this book to anyone who is starting their self-help journey due to its approachable nature and easy going ideas.