Paranormal Nonsense

Blue Moon Investigations #1

by Steve Higgs

The paranormal? It's all nonsense but proving it might just get them all killed.
When a master vampire starts killing people in his hometown, paranormal investigator, Tempest Michaels, takes it personally ...
... and soon a race against time turns into a battle for his life. He doesn't believe in the paranormal but has a steady stream of clients with cases too weird for the police to bother with.
Mostly it's all nonsense, but when a third victim turns up with bite marks in her lifeless throat, can he really dismiss the possibility that this time the monster is real?
Joined by an ex-army buddy, a disillusioned cop, his friends from the pub, his dogs, and his mother (why are there no grandchildren, Tempest), our paranormal investigator is going to stop the murders if it kills him ...
... but when his probing draws the creature's attention, his family and friends become the hunted.
'Steve Higgs can be counted on to keep you amused, with vivid imagination, characters you can sink your teeth into, plenty of action, and delicious snark.'
If you are a fan of fast-paced paranormal thrillers, then this urban fantasy series is sure to please.

Genres: Mystery, Fantasy, Urban Fantasy, Paranormal, Fiction, Supernatural, Detective

400 pages, Paperback

First published June 14, 2017

About the author

Let's start this off with an invitation to get some FREE books. No, you didn't read that wrong, we are talking about multiple free books. I love giving away free books because once people delve into the fast-paced mystery thrills I write, they go on to buy lots more.

All I need from you is an email address to send them to. Here's the link you need - https://mailchi.mp/fd47a6eb4ae5/patri...

When I wrote my first novel, Paranormal Nonsense, I was a Captain in the British Army. I would love to pretend that I had one of those careers that has to be redacted and in general denied by the government and that I have had to change my name and continually move about because I am still on the watch list in several countries. In truth though, I started out as a mechanic. Not like Jason Statham, sneaking about as a contract killer, more like one of those greasy gits that charge you a fortune and keep your car for a week when all you went in for was a squeaky door hinge.

At school, I was mostly disinterested in every subject except creative writing, for which, at age ten, I won my first award. However, calling it my first award suggests that there have been more, which there have not. Accolades may come but, in the meantime, I am having a ball writing mystery stories and crime thrillers and will claim to have more than a hundred books forming an unruly queue in my head as they clamor to get out.

Now retired from the military, I live in the south-east corner of England with a pair of lazy sausage dogs. Surrounded by rolling hills, brooding castles, and vineyards, I doubt I will ever leave, the beer is just too good.

Links:
Amazon Author page: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Steve-Higgs/...
Website: https://stevehiggsbooks.wordpress.com/
Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/stevehiggsau...

Reviews

[Ann Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Whereas I like the premise - that of a paranormal investigator who doesn't believe in the paranormal - this book is in dire need of a good editor. Both from a grammatical standpoint (punctuation, run on sentences, and word choice - "fine-nabbed pen", anyone?) and for content.

There is far too much time spent on how Tempest must swing by his house to let his 2 dachshunds out or take them for a walk (and I am an avowed "dog person"). He also spends rather a lot of time musing about his diet, which makes him come across as a self-righteous, food-obsessed prat. Then there are the sexist/misogynistic parts. I don't usually comment on writing in this vein, but his is thinly veiled at best: Mr. Wriggly is oft mentioned in connection with a "hot" woman; the token "fat" woman is referred to as a walrus (because of course she also has an unruly bit of upper lip hair); and even the chirpy barista across the road that he flirts with is described as a few pounds heavier than desirable. It would be nice to think that a man could perform his work adequately without constantly pondering which of the multiple women throwing themselves at him he should bed, but perhaps that's my naivety showing.

Undecided at this point whether the premise of the series is good enough for me to take a deep breath and try the next book.

[Ginger Vampyre · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is the literary equivalent to dragging my eyes over sandpaper. Set in England with a British author the english is a bit different for an American reader, but that is not the issue. First off, this is not a Paranormal genre book despite how it is advertised; the protagonist is a "paranormal investigator" who debunks the mystical. So not really happy with the bait and switch. More over, it feels like the author is using writing as his therapy to adjust to being a civilian again. Not opposed to the concept, but it doesn't make for great reading. And now lets talk about some of the writing points;
The protagonist, Tempest, has taken it upon himself to investigate these so called "vampire" murders. When talking to the friends of one of the victims. the author literally writes about one question and writes "the conversation went much the same way" for the rest of the information gathering. Higgs spends more time writing about the contents of the character's refrigerator and cupboards, or describing in inane detail the drinking buddies, than he does putting actual anything in the investigation. Even the first case we see is written like that. More time is spent on describing the various ways the clients are old than into the effort of catching the poltergeist. Tempest's dogs get more word time than the victims, the investigation, or the clues combined. There is even the audacity of saying "I'm not vain. but..." and then describes every woman in the story either by her boobs or by how unappealing she is. And reading so called "locker room talk" dialogue is physically nauseating.

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Terrific fun!

Paranormal Nonsense by Steve Highs is about a guy that wants to start a Private Investigation business but the advertising agent typed Paranormal Investigation instead. He found he was getting a lot of work debunking the paranormal claims and solving the mysteries. In this one he deals with a Bigfoot, poltergeist, and vampire cult. He also has two little dachshunds!
It's a clever and enjoyable book!

[Kate · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well, you can tell this was written by a man.

[Lynne · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was a DNF (did not finish) for me. I was sucked in by a post on Facebook (which I now realize was made by the author himself) saying that the book was laugh-out-loud hilarious. Which it is not. Not even close.

I would not have bought the book had I realized it was self-published. My experience with self-pubs is disappointing, and this one was too for the same reason they are all disappointing. It REALLY needed editing and sharpening. It needed another set of critical eyes before being released. I'm going to have to be more careful about this when ordering books online.

I liked the idea of a guy investigating and de-bunking paranormal activity but that didn't actually seem to be what it was about.

For me, the last turn-off was the whole macho thing around the main character. He is recently out of the army and yet has the means to buy a shiny new red Porsche. Cue the male fantasy of a guy attracting chicks in a hot car. The character refers to a female police officer as "Officer Hotstuff" and carries a condom at all times in case a "lady" is interested. I think this is the stuff that the author thinks is funny but it was super irritating and condescending. Perhaps men will like the book?

Anyway, kudos to the author for getting his book out there. I hope he does well. It's just not my cup of tea.

[Alison Moseley · Rating 1 out of 5]

Honestly completely puerile - there’s only so many times you can go on about the main character’s erections that it gets old.

[Sandee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like this story and I will likely read more books by this author. The main character, Tempest was likable in spite of being a self-absorbed bachelor. There was lots of imagination used in the paranormal parts of the story and I like that while the character is a paranormal detective he believes that everything is explainable outside of the paranormal. This is the author's first book so I am hopeful his writing will develop and improve. The book needs editing. There is a lot of detail included that doesn't add to the story or the character growth. He uses non-standard grammatical forms that are probably common in his region but affect the narrative flow, especially the use of multiple tenses in a single sentence. He uses the wrong words. He uses the word recant instead of recount so often I had to stop reading long enough to research the word and confirm its meaning. But, in spite of the editing and interrupted flow, I liked this book.

[Natalie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'd give half a star if I could.

Tempest Danger Michaels is a paranormal investigator whose stock and trade is debunking the various suspected supernatural goings on in Rochester Essex. Whether he finds any actual supernatural goings on is not for me to say in the interests of spoiler avoidance.

The premise is interesting enough and I had high hopes however the main character is unlikeable in the extreme and I don't think that was the author's intent. Tempest objectifies EVERY SINGLE WOMAN he meets making commentary of their appearance and in one jarring occasion he can't even be bothered to learn a police woman's name and just refers to her as PC Hotstuff. The writing is just bafflingly awful; entire paragraphs devoted to dietary choices and what is healthy and what isn't. Lazy use of stereotypes to convey what the author actually wants to get the reader to understand. It's just a list of "character went here, character ate that".

All of this to say I will not be picking up the next one.

[Cape Rust · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dog walking, nutritional advice and named body parts…

I have a feeling the author has a bunch of friends who have lavishly rated his book with many more stars that it actually deserves. This isn’t a bad book, it is well paced and has some good moments but nineteen dog walks and let the dogs in and let the dogs out a day combined with the authors love of sharing healthy eating habits (avoiding carb loaded and fattening foods) comes off a self righteous and unnecessary. He gives readers the name of his main characters boy-part and I use the juvenile naming convention because his hesitancy to use said body part goes well with his un clever descriptions of Its reaction to all of the women who are fawning over the main character. A paragraph description of why the main character drinks skim milk is a paragraph of reading I’ll never get back…

[Lina Hansen · Rating 2 out of 5]

This one is a severe case of hmmmmmmm? What mainly annoys me is the total waste of a clever premise, a solid voice, and a lively style that is in parts genuinely funny. I do believe the author can write (and no, that isn't a given these days when it comes to self-published books). The plot twists (are we dealing with vampires or not? also work most of the time).
But the locker-room humour together with an abundance of misogynistic comments I thought had gone out with the ark put a serious dampener on my enjoyment. Might be, this is a book for blokes. It sounds like one. Might be, those blokes had better be ex-army types.
Well, it also means Higgs can write some clear fight scenes, even if they went on way too long for my taste. Okay, more of the bloke-y stuff, I guess.
However, the novel is filled with too many random incidents unrelated to the plot, and it fails to involve key characters - like PC "Hotstuff" - in a meaningful fashion. She's just there to help him get out of deep doodoo whenever he needs it.
Motivations and objectives? Blank. Rounded characters? Blank. Progress and Development? Blank, but it isn't that sort of story.
What REALLY irked me like no tomorrow, though - this novel was published without being ready for publication. We all make the occasional mistake. Unless an army of editors and proofreaders hacks their way through the manuscript (nobody can afford that, not even traditional publishers), there will be typos and minor errata.
Such is life.
But I didn't expect this text to be studded with a never-ending array of bloopers such as characters named before another character has been introduced to them. A decent copy edit would have nipped that one in the bud.
And even if we ignore the copy edits, the proofing of this novel is A.T.R.O.C.I.O.U.S Run-on sentences, Oxford commas sometimes ignored, sometimes applied, misspelling clunkers by the dozen, sometimes so bad I had to read twice to work out what the sentence was supposed to mean. Punctuation and spelling in this novel are definitely paranormal. Seriously, I'm not one of those people who whack others because of a few mistakes (I made them myself, and I got whacked for them).
But we're not talking a few. I can only hope that the next novels have been properly edited. Unfortunately, I won't be around to find out.

[Barbara · Rating 2 out of 5]

25% in and don't find the humor yet....which, advertised, was the draw for me. Still, forging on.
50% Extremely juvenile, and I have had enough of his mother. I really don't want to keep going but I finish books. Full stop. Testosterone juvenile...
Comparison to Dresden is ludicrous. Admittedly he lost me in the y-e-a-rs when Jim Butcher was "otherwise occupied,) but this is prompting me to read the series again...not to continue this one.
I wish I could assign one and a half stars but it isn't that (one) bad if one ignores the characters' attitude toward women. I see the potential. I am glad he refreshed his knowledge of grammar too.

[Truitti · Rating 2 out of 5]

Good story of several misogynistic characters making rude and crass remarks about women while solving mysteries. Kept hoping the characters would grow up but they kept the middle school humour and crass remarks. Not a fan and will not read any sequels. #92 of 2018.

[Brian Clegg · Rating 3 out of 5]

There's something very appealing about the combination of crime solving and fantasy - especially with a light touch of humour too, evident, for example, in Ben Aaronovitch's Rivers of London series. I was a little wary about the cover of Paranormal Nonsense, which seemed more Mills and Boon than anything, but thought I'd give it a go.

The premise of someone who becomes a paranormal investigator because of a typo in a newspaper advert is excellent, as is the idea of the central character Tempest Danger Michaels (apparently, his middle name really is danger) not believing in the paranormal - so, in effect, his job is to be a PI showing what's really happening in paranormal cases, only to be faced with what appears to be a real vampire.

So far, so good - even if things are stretched a little, in that Michaels starts to investigate the vampire murders without having a client, something I find hard to believe a real PI would do. And the story worked well enough to keep me reading to the end. But, to be honest, it's not particularly well-written, perhaps not entirely surprisingly as Steve Higgs has managed to produce 22 of these novels since 2017.

Higgs has a tendency to over describe, telling us far too much detail about someone's garden or what Michaels had for dinner, spending a whole paragraph on why he went for a nutrious turkey mince and vegetable chilli with 'lots of avocado pear'. Apparently he never had white carbs in his house. As for Michaels himself, he feels like he was written in the 70s, not 2017 (think a Leslie Thomas character) - definitely an unreconstructed male, with a knee-jerk response to the attractiveness (or lack of it) of women and a cringe-makingly patronising attitude to old people.

In fact, I did wonder if the book was actually written well before it was published with a touch of updating to include phones with cameras and the like. This is because Michaels comments on someone in his 'late sixties or early seventies' that 'I suspected he would have at least completed National Service and I was right. Like so many of his generation, he could remember the war…' If he was 70 in 2017, he would have been born after the war was too young for National Service.

Mildly entertaining, but I don't think I'll be going on to book 2.

[Mridula · Rating 2 out of 5]

A bit boring

First off I will say that the MC seemed to be a straightforward and proper goody goody guy. I really liked his relationship with and reading about his dogs Bull and Dozer. However that was about the only thing that made the character interesting.

Overall, this book was a bit boring for me mostly because of the following points:

1. The pacing was slow filled with detailed and somewhat repetitive descriptions of the MC's mundane daily routines. Also he is a bit weight conscious and seems to pay a lot of attention to how people physically look, which is described especially when it comes to the female characters.
2. The female characters are mostly all either old ladies or super hot women (and one not so hot woman) who affect "Mr. Wriggly" (pet name for MC's private part) and all of them are attracted to the MC and are basically just prop pieces in the background to fill their purpose of swooning/flirting with the hero and the hero keeps on about how attractive they are and how they make *Mr. Wriggly" wriggle. Ew.
3. All other characters are very one dimensional, I know this is a light hearted book supposed to be funny but really there is nothing light hearted or funny about how boringly shallow everyone is. Neither the dialogues are good.
4. There wasn't much in terms of story, no twists and no surprises, pretty much a predictable book. Ending was also pretty meh.

So apart from the bit about the dogs nothing else stands out for me, I mostly just skim read the book after a point as it wasn't that interesting. Its 1 star but added star for the dogs.

[Anita Hargreaves · Rating 5 out of 5]

Entertaining read

Ex Army man, Tempest takes voluntary redundancy and decides to open his own Private Investigation Agency but a typo in the newspapers class him as Paranormal Investigative Agency. Taking advantage of this opportunity he debunks his clients cases. A wannabee Vampire Cult are hiding a killer. This was a nice change to read a book based on a mans point of view. Who knew men's thoughts were so randy.

[Marijke · Rating 2 out of 5]

I first came across this author through an ad on Facebook (I know, that should have been a red flag already). It was one of those 'buy 10 book, get 25 free' or '10 book for only $0.99' (which made me think "What's wrong with these book that the publisher wants to get rid of them so eagerly?" which should have been another red flag). The book promised to be laugh-out-loud funny and for readers who enjoy Terry Pratchett books (a big-ass red flag, because no author comes even close to the brilliance of Terry Pratchett).

I read this book in it's entirety, even though there were several time I wanted to DNF.
This book is not laugh-out-loud funny. It's not chuckle-to-myself funny. It's not funny, period.
The writing is not good, the errors and mistakes are plenty - the chapter title states that it's Friday and then the chapter starts by telling us it's Monday; some guy named Brian is suddenly now called Brain; etc. etc.
The writing is also boring. How many times do I want to read about the MC letting his dogs out in the backyard, about what the MC want for dinner, how many times the MC goes to the gym? Spoiler alert! Not as many times as described in the book.
Then the characters. The MC is very unlikable. He thinks with his Mr. Wriggly instead of his brain. Especially when it come to women. Mr. Wriggly only reacts to women who have large breasts, small waist and not one gram too much fat on their body. If he thinks a woman is even half a pound shy of the ideal weight, he's not interested.
Of course his mother is always trying to set him up with single ladies from her church and at a family dinner with said single lady, the MC basically describes her as being a whale with a mustache. This woman is actively pursuing him - all but climbing on his lap during dinner when his parents are in the kitchen - showing up at his house only wearing a coat, telling him he hasn't seen the last of her. And that's the last we see or hear of her.
His friends are that much better either.
His research as a paranormal investigator comprises of Google searches and if he doesn't know something he had a guy he can ask.

It's a shame really. The premise of the book is something I've never read before and seems interesting. If only it had been written properly. A good editor and publisher would do a world of good. But seeing as this is self-published it's no wonder it isn't that good.
I don't know if I'll give the other books in this series a go or not. I'm just glad I didn't spend any money on this book.

[Anastasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paranormal Nonsense by Steve Higgs is the first book in the Blue Moon Investigations series. Someone is killing people vampire style and accidental paranormal investigator Tempest Danger Michaels is asked to investigate this as well as other strange cases. I enjoyed this book and I like that Tempest is a non believer and is there to debunk the alleged paranomal phenomena. I especially loved his two companions Bull and Dozer which are so like my own two miniature dachshunds. This is the first book written by this author and I went back to it as I love his other series especially Albert Smith's Culinary Capers. The writing is a bit crude in parts but still entertaining and fun.

[Steve · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recommend this book for sceptics of the paranormal, and those who enjoy a good satire. I found the book full of witty and entertaining characters. Overall well written, but some odd phrases that I presume to be idiosyncratic Australian English (?). I would have rated it 5 stars, but I found the content to be rather sexist or misogynist in places. The discussion of “fat women” is the best (worst?) example. Otherwise a very entertaining read, so long as one can grit one’s teeth and skim any offending passages.

[ConstantReader76a · Rating 1 out of 5]

I kept reading up to more or less 50% because I hoped that the author was just finding his groove and I really wanted to give him a chance.
Positives: Interesting plot, some very funny moments.
Negatives: Oh my goodness, the extremely detailed explanation of everything from deciding whether or not to pee before returning to the office, to such in-depth descriptions of the homes of various characters that I felt like I was reading a real estate listing. I just gave up. Such a pity, the author shows real promise and talent, but needs a strict editor.

[Leigh · Rating 1 out of 5]

Poorly written puerile nonsense that doesn't know whether it's "properly" misogynistic or just written by a teenage boy whose only contact with the female of the species is in his head.

However...

In the afterword, the author addresses and admits this, and asks for the reader to try again with another of his books. So, second chance it is. I'm currently reading the sequel, and he so far appears to have reined in at least some of the issues with this first novel in the series. Whether it lasts is to be determined.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not bad. Premise is good, and the part of the book that focuses on the premise is engaging. But there is a lot of unnecessary tangents that don't really move the story along. Like caring for the dogs. You can keep the dogs in the story without writing about them barking at the cat, the birds, the bushes etc... every chapter. Once is really enough. I do like the dogs tho!

[The Man from DelMonte · Rating 2 out of 5]

Depressingly Laddish. Unpleasantly so at times. Possibly written by someone that used to write for Loaded. Someone who’s read Rivers of London and thought “I can do that”.
Problem is the prose is merely workmanlike, it doesn’t scan as smoothly as that from the pen of Mr Aaronovitch. There’s not much in the way of subtlety and it’s not funny. Not even a little bit. Not even involuntarily.
There are irritating tics such as describing the time as 1937hrs and listing the components of the MC’s diet.
There’s some cringeworthy dialogue such as the scene in a cafe:
-“Anything else you feel tempted by?” she asked, clearly not meaning the cakes. “I do have unsatisfied appetites,” I replied, locking her eyes with mine.-
With chat up like this it’s no wonder he’s not getting laid although the girls are seemingly lining up to throw themselves at him.
Maybe not Loaded, then. Nuts, perhaps, or Zoo.
The most convincing piece is dinner at his parents which actually feels like it might have been drawn from life up until the old schoolmate turns up. Then it descends into unfunny farce. Possibly tragedy.
This would have received a one star rating if I hadn’t read that this was the author’s first book so some leeway is allowed.

[Marion Anderson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I loved the idea and was looking forward to reading this series. Unfortunately I’m dropping out after 15 chapters (maybe 25% of the way through). It was written in the style of “this happened, and then, and then, and then”. A bit like a very slow moving diary with large amounts of unnecessary and rather boring detail. I barely made it through a couple of chapters that seemed devoted to objectifying women and snickering over sexual conquests, but completely lost interest after what I suspect was meant to be an exciting scene involving fifty or so goth vampire-wannabes invading an old ladies house, but which was a bit of a yawn to read. I hope they get better, but I’m afraid I’m out.

[Louise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I live about 20mins drive from Bluebell Hill. My Dad joined he army when I was born, so I've been raised around guys like this. Whilst the story was fairly interesting, it was also a bit nuts. The thing I found most jarring though, was the speech patterns. I have never heard anyone, other than the super rich, talk like that. Bother?! Who says bother? Winnie The Pooh. That's it. Also the easy misogyny, whilst I agree, it's very 'in character' it's also absolutely bloody awful to read. Won't be picking up another one.

[Brian A Penney · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very disappointed.

I read this book as Amazon advertised it as one Terry Pratchett fans would like. I think of Pratchett humour as undergraduate. The little amount of humour I found here was more that of a schoolboy rugby team, ageist and sexist. I gave up before reaching halfway, thoroughly disappointed. I suspect if I had come across the book without seeing the advertising I probably would have finished it

[Karen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Had high hopes. Was disappointed. It seemed to start in the middle of the story with no points of reference. I thought this was supposed to be the first in a series. I also thought it was supposed to be humorous. I didn't find anything funny. Appears to be written by an aging teenager. Perhaps that was the target audience.

[Todd · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tempest is a former soldier who is opening a private investigation firm, but the newspaper ad mistyped as paranormal investigation. So you have a male version of Scully taking cases to disprove any supernatural leaning.
Sort of a Mythbusters type of thing. Not great, but not bad.

[Eva · Rating 2 out of 5]

Zajímavý nápad, ale rozvleklý styl a otravný hrdina.

[Daniel Randon · Rating 3 out of 5]

Steve Higgs as an author was sold to me by Facebook adverts as the perfect replacement for the late, great Sir Terry Pratchett. Sadly this is not true.

Whilst a good read so much of the content is overly sexist which didn’t add to the story at all and in fact detracted away from the main plots of the book.

I’m tempted to read another book to see if the sexism continues (I really hope not).

[Lynn · Rating 1 out of 5]

This just isn't my type of reading --- a bunch of dumb nonsense that didn't make much sense and I don't like vampires so...……...sorry