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No Time to be Dumb: Letters to Teenage Girls
Rachel Jankovic wants terrible teenage daughters.Not a wasting-her-time-in-petty-squabbles, doomscrolling, dumb television shows, eating disorders, and foolish crushes kind of terrible.
But a different kind of to be women who are genuine threats to the enemies of God, “fair as the moon . . . and terrible as an army with banners” (Song 6:10). She is not easily controlled by flattery; her joy is in the Lord. She is growing from a girl you love into a woman you admire.
In this book Rachel covers the topics you would expect, like Modesty and Homemaking and Boys. But Rachel also speaks directly to awkward questions such as Handsiness and Pornography. There’s even a chapter on how to deal with self-righteous church ladies.
Young women have all the time in the world for good things, but they really just don’t have time to be dumb.
But a different kind of to be women who are genuine threats to the enemies of God, “fair as the moon . . . and terrible as an army with banners” (Song 6:10). She is not easily controlled by flattery; her joy is in the Lord. She is growing from a girl you love into a woman you admire.
In this book Rachel covers the topics you would expect, like Modesty and Homemaking and Boys. But Rachel also speaks directly to awkward questions such as Handsiness and Pornography. There’s even a chapter on how to deal with self-righteous church ladies.
Young women have all the time in the world for good things, but they really just don’t have time to be dumb.
Kindle Edition
Published April 2, 2025
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About the author
Rachel Jankovic
10 books509 followersRachel Jankovic is a wife, homemaker, and mother. She graduated from New Saint Andrews College, but mostly reads cookbooks now to avoid story grip (being highly susceptible). She and her husband Luke have seven children who know how to party: Evangeline (13), Daphne (12), Chloe (10), Titus (10), and Blaire (8) and Shadrach (5), and Moses (2).
Rachel is the daughter of Douglas Wilson and Nancy Wilson and the sister of N.D. Wilson.
Rachel is the daughter of Douglas Wilson and Nancy Wilson and the sister of N.D. Wilson.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 158 reviews
March 27, 2025
Many years ago, I enjoyed Rachel’s book, “Loving the Little Years,” and I was hoping her new book would be appropriate and encouraging for my teenage daughter. I read it first and am glad I did because I cannot recommend this book for my daughter, nor other teens who aren’t of the fundamentalist Christian persuasion. To be sure, I am a follower of Christ and am raising a faithful family of believers, but we do not fall in line with the author’s brand of fundamentalism.
The format is supposed to be cheeky with “letters” written to fictional girls, but it’s hard to follow with made-up scenarios that pop up in each chapter and make no sense. Why are there four pages about how to knit and launder dishcloths in the beginning of the chapter titled “Drama,” which is supposed to cover the topic of gossip and drama? It feels entirely scattered and out of place, and the topic of drama is not even adequately addressed.
While the format was somewhat distracting, the heart of why I cannot recommend this book is in the true-to-its-roots fundamentalist theology that is espoused throughout. There’s a thread of truth woven into the fabric of this “brand” of Christianity, which is what makes it exponentially dangerous in my estimation. For example, this excerpt from the chapter titled, “Tastemaking,” (whatever that is):
“A husband and wife have different roles and callings—and when all is going well and rightly between them, their roles weave together into one very strong family unit. Scripture says that a husband is to imitate Christ, loving sacrificially and providing for his family. The wife, on the other hand, is to imitate the church, submitting joyfully and expressing her husband’s love to the world. Now imagine a truly hard-working, high-achieving husband who loves his family and wants to care for them. But then imagine that his wife is really dropping the ball. She doesn’t know how to set a table or make a meal. She doesn’t know how to make the home a nice place to be. No matter how competent the man is at being a man, he is crippled in expressing his love to his family. He is crippled in the contribution that his household can make in building the kingdom.”
The statement that a man cannot fulfill his God-given role in caring for his family or growing the kingdom because his wife is “dropping the ball” and doesn’t know how to set a table or make a meal is flawed fundamentalism 101. There are many, many more statements such as this one throughout this book that take a thread of truth from Scripture and twist it to dangerously flawed thinking.
The chapter titled, “Pornography,” is a measly 3 1/2 pages long and barely scrapes the surface of what should be addressed. In the pornography chapter, you’ll find woefully inadequate information with sentences such as, “This insecurity (thinking no one wants you) led to you looking enviously at women who are wanted, which naturally bloomed into a habit of looking at porn.” WHAT?! Being envious of women who are “wanted” doesn’t NATURALLY bloom into a habit of looking at porn. There’s A LOT more to unpack on this topic in today’s society and the author shies away almost entirely.
Obviously, this book entirely missed the mark for me and I will not be sharing it with the young women in my life. Reader beware: strong legalistic, fundamentalist theology interspersed with some truth and lightheartedness, but overall heavy on the “dominion and submission” branch of fundamentalist Christianity.
The format is supposed to be cheeky with “letters” written to fictional girls, but it’s hard to follow with made-up scenarios that pop up in each chapter and make no sense. Why are there four pages about how to knit and launder dishcloths in the beginning of the chapter titled “Drama,” which is supposed to cover the topic of gossip and drama? It feels entirely scattered and out of place, and the topic of drama is not even adequately addressed.
While the format was somewhat distracting, the heart of why I cannot recommend this book is in the true-to-its-roots fundamentalist theology that is espoused throughout. There’s a thread of truth woven into the fabric of this “brand” of Christianity, which is what makes it exponentially dangerous in my estimation. For example, this excerpt from the chapter titled, “Tastemaking,” (whatever that is):
“A husband and wife have different roles and callings—and when all is going well and rightly between them, their roles weave together into one very strong family unit. Scripture says that a husband is to imitate Christ, loving sacrificially and providing for his family. The wife, on the other hand, is to imitate the church, submitting joyfully and expressing her husband’s love to the world. Now imagine a truly hard-working, high-achieving husband who loves his family and wants to care for them. But then imagine that his wife is really dropping the ball. She doesn’t know how to set a table or make a meal. She doesn’t know how to make the home a nice place to be. No matter how competent the man is at being a man, he is crippled in expressing his love to his family. He is crippled in the contribution that his household can make in building the kingdom.”
The statement that a man cannot fulfill his God-given role in caring for his family or growing the kingdom because his wife is “dropping the ball” and doesn’t know how to set a table or make a meal is flawed fundamentalism 101. There are many, many more statements such as this one throughout this book that take a thread of truth from Scripture and twist it to dangerously flawed thinking.
The chapter titled, “Pornography,” is a measly 3 1/2 pages long and barely scrapes the surface of what should be addressed. In the pornography chapter, you’ll find woefully inadequate information with sentences such as, “This insecurity (thinking no one wants you) led to you looking enviously at women who are wanted, which naturally bloomed into a habit of looking at porn.” WHAT?! Being envious of women who are “wanted” doesn’t NATURALLY bloom into a habit of looking at porn. There’s A LOT more to unpack on this topic in today’s society and the author shies away almost entirely.
Obviously, this book entirely missed the mark for me and I will not be sharing it with the young women in my life. Reader beware: strong legalistic, fundamentalist theology interspersed with some truth and lightheartedness, but overall heavy on the “dominion and submission” branch of fundamentalist Christianity.
May 7, 2025
Wow, where do I even start. I agree with some things Rachel Jankovic said in this book but the WAY she said it was so off-putting. Written in letters to teenage girls she comes across in a high and mighty way that makes me feel like she thinks all teenage girls are dumb (the title should have been my first clue). The attitude this is written with is though we all know "those girls" the ones that come to Bible study dressed inappropriately, but of course the girls she is writing to would NEVER do that. The book completely lacked grace. I would not recommend this to teenage girls unless: 1) you want them to be totally discouraged or 2) you are very legalistic and like to look down on others. I shared some thoughts about the book as I was reading it with more details that you can check out here: https://youtu.be/-Sn2sRKn_rs
July 17, 2025
My only issue with this book is that it didn’t come out 8 years ago
April 5, 2025
First I want to start off by letting Rachel know that I have deep compassion for her and I want to extend grace. I also have to make sure that when I see something that is dangerous or unhelpful that it becomes my priority to speak on it.
As a young teen growing up in the IFB church, I probably would’ve read something like this and really soaked it in. A lot of fundamentalists really emphasize the need for these checklists of things to do, and to not do. When you are raised in a home that is heavy in legalism it’s really easy to manipulate young women emotionally in this exact way. In fact this is nothing new. Books have been written like this before in a way to make the next generation “better”.
We all hope for our children to follow our instruction. We raise them the best of our abilities and we pray they will not forsake it. The fact of the matter is sometimes they do. As much as we want to control that , we actually have no control. But what we CAN do is continue to point our children to Christ. As a young adult this book would’ve done absolutely nothing for my heart. This would’ve helped me strive towards perfectionism .
OH how sweet is the grace of God . That we don’t have to be perfect. That we can rest in Him.
As a now burned out homeschool mom , who had to learn the hard way. There is nothing better than resting in the arms of your Savior. I’ve made many mistakes in my younger days and the older women at church or in my life didn’t counsel me in a way that showed me the grace of God. The long suffering. The redemption. They only wanted to point out trivial sins (as you put it) that were not actually sins.
It’s seems like this book reveals the overflow of Rachel’s heart. Girls being affectionate towards each other has never been something I have noticed as being inappropriate. I am not a super affectionate person , but I know that physical touch can be very healing. This is a personal preference . This is not law.
There were however moments when I agreed with Rachel but it was followed up with things that were very strange. I agree that we should be able to say No , when we are faced with something uncomfortable. And that men who are not our husbands don’t have authority over us. Tread carefully because the problem with a lot of the men in these circles , who are husbands, do not match the description that Rachel gives as a respectable husband that young women should look for.
So what advice do you have for that? When a man is abusing his wife and children because he’s “exercising authority” over them, what do you have to say? Because these are real issues that girls get into. Good Christian girls marry a good Christian boy and he ends up being narcissistic and abusive. You cannot write a book without thinking about these types of situations.
I wish you had more good things to say in your book that would help these young women, it feels rooted in fear.
Rachel I sincerely hope that your marriage is a safe and healthy one. If you’ve experienced things that were traumatic, I’m sorry that happened to you. Emotions are not bad. Our Lord and savior was a man of emotion. Granted we are sinful and He was not. But He was so compassionate and tender hearted towards the women he came in contact with. Jesus cares for your burdens too. You do not need to be perfect. You do not have to perform. You can rest in His love. I pray that you find peace and are able to share that with future generations. Use your platform for good. Please do not feed into these dangerous ways of thinking. There are women and children suffering because of work based legalistic guidelines. Come to Jesus!
Overall I would not recommend this book to any teenager, I would however encourage moms to read this book and use wisdom and discernment to gauge out why this book is truly supporting the “cult-like” mentality that I believe Doug Wilson’s church encourages. And then learn from this book on how you actually want to approach guiding your young teens through life. In a way that is similar to Christs love. We cannot control the things that may happen to them, but like our Heavenly Father we can be long suffering , patient, and forgiving to our children.
I would also like to add that similar to the bagel story that Rachel mentions, sometimes in life we do have to keep trying over and over and make mistakes and learn exactly how to not do something, and like with our sanctification.. eventually that will lead to some good bagels. In my experience it was my failure that ultimately led me to God, and we can trust that we have taught our children well enough that they can learn from their mistakes as well. God will not forsake is own.
April 6, 2025
THIS BOOK.
Felt like some of the best “What Have You” podcast episodes condensed into teen-appropriate pep talks.
It’s especially timely for teenage ladies (the target audience), but it’s also timely for any women who need the encouragement to “stop thinking that their emotions are their most attractive feature,” quit envying others on social media, feast daily on God’s word, repent quickly, say no to drama, thank God for the gifts and personality He gave them, and to be dangerous women “who pose an actual threat to the enemies of God.”
And though “Aunt Lizzie” is frank, she is never anything but kind.
Loved it.
Felt like some of the best “What Have You” podcast episodes condensed into teen-appropriate pep talks.
It’s especially timely for teenage ladies (the target audience), but it’s also timely for any women who need the encouragement to “stop thinking that their emotions are their most attractive feature,” quit envying others on social media, feast daily on God’s word, repent quickly, say no to drama, thank God for the gifts and personality He gave them, and to be dangerous women “who pose an actual threat to the enemies of God.”
And though “Aunt Lizzie” is frank, she is never anything but kind.
Loved it.
June 4, 2025
The publisher sent me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review, so this is me doing that.
This book is supposed to be for teen girls. I would advise older teens, around 16 to 18, based on some of the topics and the level of detail in certain areas. Just a warning there.
I’m not a huge fan of this author or her affiliations, but many people I respect and admire are. Since I’m over my church library and review books regularly, I wanted to read this to give an honest assessment, not just go off preconceived opinions.
I’ll start with what I liked:
I think it was clever to write the book in the style of letters. That made reading it a little easier and helped introduce new topics in each chapter. I appreciate Rachel’s heart in wanting to guide and encourage young girls in holiness and devotion to Christ. That is so important in our present age and culture.
Now on to my issues with the book. It felt a little condescending in tone. While many issues, like modesty, were valid and true, I think they could have been handled with more care and grace. I’m all for hard truths and standing against worldliness, but I also believe our tone and the way we speak truth matters deeply. We should not have to put others down to get our point across. I would’ve liked to see more Scripture woven throughout, and the book could have benefited from tighter editing, as some parts felt a bit rushed.
Thank you to the publisher for sending this my way. While this one didn’t fully resonate with me, I know others may appreciate her approach. I’m always grateful for the opportunity to read and consider different perspectives so I’m glad I read this for myself.
This book is supposed to be for teen girls. I would advise older teens, around 16 to 18, based on some of the topics and the level of detail in certain areas. Just a warning there.
I’m not a huge fan of this author or her affiliations, but many people I respect and admire are. Since I’m over my church library and review books regularly, I wanted to read this to give an honest assessment, not just go off preconceived opinions.
I’ll start with what I liked:
I think it was clever to write the book in the style of letters. That made reading it a little easier and helped introduce new topics in each chapter. I appreciate Rachel’s heart in wanting to guide and encourage young girls in holiness and devotion to Christ. That is so important in our present age and culture.
Now on to my issues with the book. It felt a little condescending in tone. While many issues, like modesty, were valid and true, I think they could have been handled with more care and grace. I’m all for hard truths and standing against worldliness, but I also believe our tone and the way we speak truth matters deeply. We should not have to put others down to get our point across. I would’ve liked to see more Scripture woven throughout, and the book could have benefited from tighter editing, as some parts felt a bit rushed.
Thank you to the publisher for sending this my way. While this one didn’t fully resonate with me, I know others may appreciate her approach. I’m always grateful for the opportunity to read and consider different perspectives so I’m glad I read this for myself.
April 22, 2025
DNF—the author lost me at saying female friends can’t platonically hold hands or snuggle because it could be sexual behavior.
Also lost interest when the author says the only reason a man shows interest in a woman is to get her into bed (either through marriage or not). This is such a sexist take that doesn’t allow for any semblance of platonic friendships, nor does it give a healthy perspective on men as a whole.
Also lost interest when the author says the only reason a man shows interest in a woman is to get her into bed (either through marriage or not). This is such a sexist take that doesn’t allow for any semblance of platonic friendships, nor does it give a healthy perspective on men as a whole.
April 16, 2025
While reading this book, I spent a lot of time struggling to know what to think about it. As a mom of a 15-year old daughter, I’m planning to go through this book with her over the summer. To prepare, I read in advance and I’m glad that I did, so I have time to study and understand the parts that weren’t clear to me.
It is chalk-full of super practical advice. There are nuggets of wisdom that are much needed and I’m thankful that through this book, they are being heralded to this generation of young women. Actually, I found myself wishing that the wisdom in this book was heralded to my generation of young ladies! I most definitely wasted my teenage years and often experience regret for that.
There are other parts of this book that seemed to come out of left field and left me confused, not knowing what to do with them. I was often distracted and confused by the format of the book. I enjoy The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, so it wasn’t just the letter writing format, but I sometimes felt lost at the beginning of the letters as she was summarizing the fictitious replies from the girls she is writing to. There isn’t a ton of Scripture in the book. I don’t know what to think about that. The tone is definitely casual and conversational, but at times I thought it would be helpful to have Scripture to back up some of the advice, especially if it was presented as an obedience issue and not just as one way of applying God’s Word.
In summary, I really feel mixed about this book. The good parts are really good, but there are parts that I need to wrestle with and examine more carefully in light of the Bible.
Overall, the heart of the message of this book that exhorts young women to use their teenage years wisely, learning and preparing to be a godly woman, is so good and much needed. The chapter on body image was so refreshing, the chapter on boys was also very helpful, and the chapter on husbands was excellent.
I really want to give this book four stars because there is a lot of good and valuable Biblical advice, but there’s just enough that leaves me wanting clarification and Scriptural support that I can only give 3.5 stars (although Good Reads doesn’t allow for half-star ratings).
It is chalk-full of super practical advice. There are nuggets of wisdom that are much needed and I’m thankful that through this book, they are being heralded to this generation of young women. Actually, I found myself wishing that the wisdom in this book was heralded to my generation of young ladies! I most definitely wasted my teenage years and often experience regret for that.
There are other parts of this book that seemed to come out of left field and left me confused, not knowing what to do with them. I was often distracted and confused by the format of the book. I enjoy The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, so it wasn’t just the letter writing format, but I sometimes felt lost at the beginning of the letters as she was summarizing the fictitious replies from the girls she is writing to. There isn’t a ton of Scripture in the book. I don’t know what to think about that. The tone is definitely casual and conversational, but at times I thought it would be helpful to have Scripture to back up some of the advice, especially if it was presented as an obedience issue and not just as one way of applying God’s Word.
In summary, I really feel mixed about this book. The good parts are really good, but there are parts that I need to wrestle with and examine more carefully in light of the Bible.
Overall, the heart of the message of this book that exhorts young women to use their teenage years wisely, learning and preparing to be a godly woman, is so good and much needed. The chapter on body image was so refreshing, the chapter on boys was also very helpful, and the chapter on husbands was excellent.
I really want to give this book four stars because there is a lot of good and valuable Biblical advice, but there’s just enough that leaves me wanting clarification and Scriptural support that I can only give 3.5 stars (although Good Reads doesn’t allow for half-star ratings).
April 7, 2025
Really unimpressed. This book was seemingly written for parents who haven't raised their Christian daughters the way the Bible commands. It was both extremely basic...and also filled with examples that were not at all relevant to my girls. I will not be letting my daughters read this book. I was thoroughly disappointed, as I have enjoyed the author's other books.
August 17, 2025
Read this through the summer with Ezzy. It brought many fruitful discussions and moments of prayer for us and others. I hope those are moments we won’t soon forget.
Ezzy wisely mentioned the lack of Scripture in this book. I noticed that most of what the author said was infused with biblical principles, yet I think it would have been wise to point out the places in Scripture she gleaned the wisdom from. And this book was full of that wisdom. Very practical wisdom at that.
I also appreciated the fact this was written in a way that a girl who may have not grown up in a Christian home or is not currently a part of one could be exhorted.
Again, I am more thankful for the moments this book created for me and my daughter but it was still a good read. I recommend it!
Ezzy wisely mentioned the lack of Scripture in this book. I noticed that most of what the author said was infused with biblical principles, yet I think it would have been wise to point out the places in Scripture she gleaned the wisdom from. And this book was full of that wisdom. Very practical wisdom at that.
I also appreciated the fact this was written in a way that a girl who may have not grown up in a Christian home or is not currently a part of one could be exhorted.
Again, I am more thankful for the moments this book created for me and my daughter but it was still a good read. I recommend it!
October 10, 2025
Solid wisdom.
I appreciate her disposition towards teenage girls as capable of high levels of maturity, wisdom, and leadership. She respects them too much to hold them to lower standards.
I appreciate her disposition towards teenage girls as capable of high levels of maturity, wisdom, and leadership. She respects them too much to hold them to lower standards.
May 23, 2025
As a 17 year old girl who has been a Christian all my life I still always need reminders of what is expected of me as a Christian and how to accomplish those things. This book was such a great reminder of how sin can damage our lives and the lives of those around us and even future generations. It was also encouraging to see someone who is seeking to encourage the next generation in godliness and also giving great practical advise on how to cultivate good habits and skills that will bless generations to come. would definitely recommend.
There IS no time to be dumb.
There IS no time to be dumb.
April 3, 2025
This is the book I wish I had back in 1995. This may be written for teenage girls, but I took so much from this as a 40-year old mother of two. Rachel's book is full of sound advice and wisdom for all women and addresses topics we all face as Christians. Highly recommend!
June 12, 2025
I would summarize the tone of this book as a white knuckle, pull-yourself-up-by-your bootstraps approach to faith. While appealing, I’ve yet to see that produce the results that I want. Accompanying the short term rewards from striving more, I find self-righteousness, condescension, a feeling of superiority towards others, and a tendency to elevate personal opinions and preferences and equate them to Biblical truth.
I want to steer clear of us vs them ideology, and black and white approaches to life and faith. I want to reach for humility, for grace, for the acknowledgement that I could be wrong about so very many things. That means that this book isn’t for me.
I’ll add that one benefit of the author’s approach is that you get to easily dismiss anyone with a different belief/opinion/perspective, they clearly have a problem with -insert any sin you wish- and you can write them off immediately. Nifty.
I want to steer clear of us vs them ideology, and black and white approaches to life and faith. I want to reach for humility, for grace, for the acknowledgement that I could be wrong about so very many things. That means that this book isn’t for me.
I’ll add that one benefit of the author’s approach is that you get to easily dismiss anyone with a different belief/opinion/perspective, they clearly have a problem with -insert any sin you wish- and you can write them off immediately. Nifty.
May 17, 2025
“Redeem the time, for you have been redeemed.”
this book is challenging in the sweetest ways. 10/10
this book is challenging in the sweetest ways. 10/10
June 21, 2025
Every girl of every age should read this book!
June 26, 2025
“You can’t afford the time that stupid sin will take. There is no time to have the dumb years… The longer you stretch things out, the more of your life you are wasting.”
Apparently I’m on a kick of reading books with ‘dumb’ in the title, having recently finishedBig Dumb Eyes and also just discovering the book The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of the Whole Stupid World that I haven’t read but would love some information about.
One of my goals in life is to ‘not be dumb’ so these books all help in different ways I guess.
But seriously this review has been challenging to write. I feel more like (read: I am) one of the old church ladies than the teenagers it’s written for.
I’ve really liked the other Jankovic books that I’ve read and appreciate her very matter-of-fact way of communicating. She doesn’t shy away from speaking hard truths.
However, I’m struggling to discern how this book will come across to teenagers. I’ve talked some with friends who have teenage daughters and so as we discuss I may end up adjusting this review to offer better insights that will help parents decide if this book is a good fit for their daughters.
Jankovic has four teenagers. I’m pretty sure this book grew out of the many conversations and dilemmas that arose with her own kids, so I believe this book to be coming from a place of authenticity with questions and conflicts prevalent for teens today.
Some of the topics include: modesty, peer pressure, emotions, repentance, body image, boys, envy, and more.
The quote I put at the beginning of this review is somewhat the heart of the book that is then fleshed out in the various chapters about different sins you may get distracted by.
She uses the analogy of a brightly lit hallway you’re walking down but you see these dark and mysterious looking doors as you go. Being lured into these dark places are the times we get caught up in and distracted by sin.
She admonishes: “Whatever reason for your desire to wander off, fight it and fight it with all you have. Because once you take a turn down a dark corridor, it can take a very long time to get back out of there. It doesn’t matter how petty the sin is— it is big enough to fight.”
There is a feeling of invincibility that most teenagers have. Plus an added sense of rebellion to authority and being told what to do. (I say this from personal experience in multiple ways.) When you’re in high school or college or heading off into the world, you haven’t gotten old enough to realize everything you don’t know. You think you have a pretty good idea of what’s ahead of you and what your limits are— and you for sure aren’t going to make the same mistakes as your parents.
The ‘no time to be dumb’ title is a bit provocative because no one wants to be called dumb, but I do think it’s a worthy endeavor to try to explain to teenagers how dumb sin takes more of them then they realize. That fighting sin, even little sin they think is a harmless ‘I just want to try it out of curiosity’ can still really hurt them or others in the present or their future self or spouse.
Will teenagers reading this book respond to that? I’m not sure. I’m guessing it will be a mixed bag of reactions. Would I have listened as a teenager? I would like to think I would.
She does make a point to encourage the girls not to write-off all the church ladies and their wisdom because they were all once teenagers too.
Even if you don’t agree with everything she says in this book, I think there is still a lot of good information for teenagers to think about. Perhaps this is a good book for a teenage girl to read with a mom or mentor of some kind. It may work in a girls group setting if led by an adult. Which leads me to….
The presentation of the information is in the form of letters— an aunt to her niece. Her niece is leading a group of peers in a Bible study of sorts and so the letters are the aunt’s way of helping her navigate tricky topics or situations that come up as the group is working together to strive toward godliness.
I do think the conversational and informal way the letters are written is a compelling style for younger readers to stay engaged in because it could easily be a letter written to them. They are short and easy to read.
However, I do wonder if the context of a student-led peer group isn’t a helpful tool for some of these topics. Especially when discussing topics that are not super clear cut like modesty. I worry that with teenage girls who are already very immersed in comparison and judgment and gossip, discussing these things could create tensions or conflict in relationships or a spirit of self-righteousness.
I like the idea of my daughter having a peer who wants to follow Christ and to help keep each other accountable, but the larger that group of ‘accountability’ gets, the more complicated that looks in reality.
Kindness or Flattery?
I do agree with Jankovic’s point that kindness and love are not defined by the absence of conflict and that we need to be okay with some awkwardness or being willing to point out things that are not okay.
We can’t be afraid of conflict; that’s part of how things get normalized that should not.
This kinda ties into the topic of flattery. I thought it was a really interesting connection she makes between flattery of friends and that of men:
Not only does this acceptance of ‘this is how you respond to a compliment’ behavior diminishes true kindness, it makes you vulnerable to accept this kind of ‘kindness’ (flattery) from men who use it for dishonorable means. We don’t want to be girls and women who are lured in by flattery but are won by honest, reasonable, rational ways of expressing their love.
After talking about flattery she connected it to physical touch and how friendships between girls can develop a lot of physical touch like sitting on each others’ laps or constantly touching each other’s hair or rubbing each other’s backs or snuggling. I remember a time in college where a few of my friendships had been like this.
And then I got married and looking back I’m not sure why. Of course everyone desires intimacy with someone but there are better ways to handle that desire. Adult friends aren’t constantly touching each other or sitting on laps— we’ve discovered other ways to cultivate appropriate intimacy.
“The physical relationship you will someday share with your husband is so important (in so many ways), and there is no reason to add baggage or confusion to it in advance… Whatever awkwardness it takes to get and maintain appropriate boundaries is worth it. Once you stir up and awaken physical love, it is hard to control. You’ve created an appetite with no wise or lawful way to satisfy it.”
For a lot of the topics discussed in the book, she’s targeting that feeling we get where we go ‘Hm. Why are we doing this? This doesn’t seem right’ but no one wants to cause disruption or feel awkward and we justify it that ‘it’s not a big deal; it’s harmless; I won’t rock the boat over it’ and then all of a sudden it’s ‘normal’ and we still don’t know why we do it.
I think that’s an important part of this book— it’s not Rachel trying to be God and prescribe specific behaviors. It’s her bringing things to the surface and asking the reader to reflect honestly on the behavior, the thought, the idea, the message and look to Christ. Is it good? Is it true? Is it lovely? Is it right?
It’s true that we often ignore our ulterior motives— there’s nothing wrong with this shirt! It’s just a shirt! But is it, though? With so many things if we are honest with ourselves we KNOW what we’re doing. We KNOW if something is right or wrong. We KNOW our doublemind. She’s saying- ‘stop pretending and think about it. Don’t be dumb. Be honest and be discerning. It’s worth it.’
Homemaking?
One drive of the book is this idea of homemaking and learning skills. It’s this aspect that might lose some of the teen readers. While I desired to be a wife and mother someday, I’m not sure learning how to make a home was a top priority for me in middle school and high school.
She includes a list of ideas of skills to learn (with the assumption that you’re already learning other types of skills with schoolwork) but there weren’t a lot that resonated with me, even as an adult: I don’t want to make a roasted chicken or a quiche. I cross stitch and I paint but I’m not into knitting.
She gives the disclaimer that these are just ideas, mark it up, cross off and add to it, she just encourages readers to take the time to learn a useful skill, have a hobby, be an interesting person.
To this, I say- yes! There are so many things I don’t have time for now as an adult and mother of three. Things I want to learn or things I wished I had spent more time learning better when I was younger and carefree. Teenagers don’t understand the opportunities they have and maybe they won’t even when we tell them, but I think it’s worth trying to spur them on to invest their time in learning skills rather than scrolling their phones.
I do wonder if cell phones and social media have made people less interesting. What do they have to talk about if their time is spent glued to the screen and their hands are idle. What do they have to show for the day?
Jankovic and her sister, Rebekah Merkle, both use their platform to advocate for elevating homemaking. Not even that women should be stay-at-home moms but that the attitude toward ‘making a home’ should be honored instead of dismissed.
Women valuing their work and pursuing excellence in it “shouldn’t be filed under the category of ‘not working.’” This isn’t a pulling down of women in the corporate world, but boosting up the work of women in the home.
What, then, is homemaking? This book perhaps seems to be setting forth a definition of that, but I think there is more freedom than the reader will most likely at first derive here.
I wonder if this idea might be distracting or confusing for the target audience.
I do think what’s on page 116-117 is a good reminder, though, that the home is a battleground that the enemy wants women to ‘disappear’ from. To invest in the home and find joy in work done in the home brings glory to God and thwarts the strategies of the devil.
The Critiques
The bottom of page 78 mentions kids raised in daycare and public school “while their mothers prioritized their careers” and I probably shouldn’t take this completely out of the context, and I’m not trying to make much of it but I did wonder if this was a dig at public schools?
I think she would say it’s not a dig at public schools but is a comment directed toward a generation of mothers who desired to invest all their time and energy into their work instead of in teaching and investing in their kids— which you can do even if they attend public school and even if you work outside the home. The emphasis is on your attitude and if, wherever you are, you are pointed toward home or away from home.
I agree with another reviewer that it was TMI on the knitting tips. I’m sure there are readers who are interested in that, and if it were tips on painting water colors without turning your paper into a watery soupy mess, I’d be eating it up. But I don’t care about knitting. This is probably one of those things where you can just pass over it and not let it ruin the book for you, but you don’t have to love knitting; it’s okay to move on.
Another reviewer thought the section on porn was too short. And that’s probably true. The chapter called that is only a couple pages. I do think pornography, which is way more prevalent for boys, is increasing for girls and probably should be talked about more. Especially when so much of the internet is basically porn but somehow allowed and somehow allowed to just pop up on all kinds of apps for no particular reason. It feels impossible to avoid.
To this I would say, yes, we do need to talk more with our daughters about that. This was never meant to be an exhaustive book about every topic. Use it as a launching point and go beyond the book in areas you feel like your teenager needs.
There are several reviewers who hate the book because of its fundamentalist theology. Primarily the roles of husband and wife. [Read ‘Fundamentalism’ and the Word of God by J.I. Packer to delve into why the word fundamentalism has baggage and what proper theology should be]
Now I’m not here to defend their father, Douglas Wilson, or his church, and there are definitely ways that men have wrongly used Scripture to try to dominate or control women. It should be said that the proper reading of Scripture does not allow for this.
No this book is not a treatise on ‘how to find the best husband’ or an exposition on the applicable Bible passages, but I don’t understand the reviewers who are offended by the way Rachel presents a wife’s relationship to her husband. There are actually things in here encouraging girls to stand up for themselves against boys that make them uncomfortable. She says to find a husband that doesn’t push you into things but leads you.
Because of the context and length of the book I think there has to be some leniency on what is or is not clarified or disclaimered as if this is the complete entirety of what Rachel believes about the husband/wife relationship.
I read the book and saw an encouragement to teenage girls to pursue Christ in everything, even if it puts you in an awkward position. I didn’t read it as a prescriptive checklist to be the best version of yourself.
I do think more caution should have been used in terms of what girls should be saying to each other in regards to all of these things and being ‘accountable’ to one another, for sure. Probably disagree the most with her on that point.
I’m not even offended by her tone though I’m not surprised that some are. I think that’s part of what she is pushing against— this idea that strength in truth is rude or offensive and the ultimate thing we could do in our lives is ‘be kind.’ She’s always had a bold, no-nonsense style of writing not to be harsh but to exhort and inspire us to rise above the ‘comfortable’ and the ‘feel good’ and live the holy and sacrificial but better way that is in Christ.
Recommendation
Overall, I think this is a good discussion-starter book that a mom or mentor should read with the teenage girls in their life. There is a lot of good information and encouragement in here that young women should hear and think about even if it’s a bolder voice than they may be used to.
It’s likely you won’t agree with everything she says, but it’s a good launching point to figure out the areas your particular teenage girl may need to flesh out more.
The heart of the book is about pursuing Christ and growing in wisdom and discernment in a culture that wants us to fall in line with ‘the norm.’
I’m not the target audience and I don’t have a teenage daughter, so I’m still gathering feedback from other moms who have read this with their daughters and finding out what they thought of it. If I get new information that I feel is important for other readers/women to know as far as who should be reading or recommending this book, I will add updates to this review.
**Received a copy via Canon Press in exchange for an honest review**
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Apparently I’m on a kick of reading books with ‘dumb’ in the title, having recently finishedBig Dumb Eyes and also just discovering the book The Field Guide to Dumb Birds of the Whole Stupid World that I haven’t read but would love some information about.
One of my goals in life is to ‘not be dumb’ so these books all help in different ways I guess.
But seriously this review has been challenging to write. I feel more like (read: I am) one of the old church ladies than the teenagers it’s written for.
I’ve really liked the other Jankovic books that I’ve read and appreciate her very matter-of-fact way of communicating. She doesn’t shy away from speaking hard truths.
However, I’m struggling to discern how this book will come across to teenagers. I’ve talked some with friends who have teenage daughters and so as we discuss I may end up adjusting this review to offer better insights that will help parents decide if this book is a good fit for their daughters.
Jankovic has four teenagers. I’m pretty sure this book grew out of the many conversations and dilemmas that arose with her own kids, so I believe this book to be coming from a place of authenticity with questions and conflicts prevalent for teens today.
Some of the topics include: modesty, peer pressure, emotions, repentance, body image, boys, envy, and more.
The quote I put at the beginning of this review is somewhat the heart of the book that is then fleshed out in the various chapters about different sins you may get distracted by.
She uses the analogy of a brightly lit hallway you’re walking down but you see these dark and mysterious looking doors as you go. Being lured into these dark places are the times we get caught up in and distracted by sin.
She admonishes: “Whatever reason for your desire to wander off, fight it and fight it with all you have. Because once you take a turn down a dark corridor, it can take a very long time to get back out of there. It doesn’t matter how petty the sin is— it is big enough to fight.”
There is a feeling of invincibility that most teenagers have. Plus an added sense of rebellion to authority and being told what to do. (I say this from personal experience in multiple ways.) When you’re in high school or college or heading off into the world, you haven’t gotten old enough to realize everything you don’t know. You think you have a pretty good idea of what’s ahead of you and what your limits are— and you for sure aren’t going to make the same mistakes as your parents.
The ‘no time to be dumb’ title is a bit provocative because no one wants to be called dumb, but I do think it’s a worthy endeavor to try to explain to teenagers how dumb sin takes more of them then they realize. That fighting sin, even little sin they think is a harmless ‘I just want to try it out of curiosity’ can still really hurt them or others in the present or their future self or spouse.
Will teenagers reading this book respond to that? I’m not sure. I’m guessing it will be a mixed bag of reactions. Would I have listened as a teenager? I would like to think I would.
She does make a point to encourage the girls not to write-off all the church ladies and their wisdom because they were all once teenagers too.
Even if you don’t agree with everything she says in this book, I think there is still a lot of good information for teenagers to think about. Perhaps this is a good book for a teenage girl to read with a mom or mentor of some kind. It may work in a girls group setting if led by an adult. Which leads me to….
The presentation of the information is in the form of letters— an aunt to her niece. Her niece is leading a group of peers in a Bible study of sorts and so the letters are the aunt’s way of helping her navigate tricky topics or situations that come up as the group is working together to strive toward godliness.
I do think the conversational and informal way the letters are written is a compelling style for younger readers to stay engaged in because it could easily be a letter written to them. They are short and easy to read.
However, I do wonder if the context of a student-led peer group isn’t a helpful tool for some of these topics. Especially when discussing topics that are not super clear cut like modesty. I worry that with teenage girls who are already very immersed in comparison and judgment and gossip, discussing these things could create tensions or conflict in relationships or a spirit of self-righteousness.
I like the idea of my daughter having a peer who wants to follow Christ and to help keep each other accountable, but the larger that group of ‘accountability’ gets, the more complicated that looks in reality.
Kindness or Flattery?
I do agree with Jankovic’s point that kindness and love are not defined by the absence of conflict and that we need to be okay with some awkwardness or being willing to point out things that are not okay.
We can’t be afraid of conflict; that’s part of how things get normalized that should not.
This kinda ties into the topic of flattery. I thought it was a really interesting connection she makes between flattery of friends and that of men:
“When you start training each other to need flattery, you start thinking that flattery is niceness. You start thinking that kindness is people falling all over themselves about your outfit or your haircut or how unbelievably talented you are. You start expecting a lot of petting and admiration. You can actually take a pretty secure girl with loving parents and a wonderful life and make her desperate to hear lies. This kind of thing is incredibly common on social media— social media can serve as a gateway drug to the habit of lying to each other… completely inflated overblown and unrealistic comments…”
Not only does this acceptance of ‘this is how you respond to a compliment’ behavior diminishes true kindness, it makes you vulnerable to accept this kind of ‘kindness’ (flattery) from men who use it for dishonorable means. We don’t want to be girls and women who are lured in by flattery but are won by honest, reasonable, rational ways of expressing their love.
After talking about flattery she connected it to physical touch and how friendships between girls can develop a lot of physical touch like sitting on each others’ laps or constantly touching each other’s hair or rubbing each other’s backs or snuggling. I remember a time in college where a few of my friendships had been like this.
And then I got married and looking back I’m not sure why. Of course everyone desires intimacy with someone but there are better ways to handle that desire. Adult friends aren’t constantly touching each other or sitting on laps— we’ve discovered other ways to cultivate appropriate intimacy.
“The physical relationship you will someday share with your husband is so important (in so many ways), and there is no reason to add baggage or confusion to it in advance… Whatever awkwardness it takes to get and maintain appropriate boundaries is worth it. Once you stir up and awaken physical love, it is hard to control. You’ve created an appetite with no wise or lawful way to satisfy it.”
For a lot of the topics discussed in the book, she’s targeting that feeling we get where we go ‘Hm. Why are we doing this? This doesn’t seem right’ but no one wants to cause disruption or feel awkward and we justify it that ‘it’s not a big deal; it’s harmless; I won’t rock the boat over it’ and then all of a sudden it’s ‘normal’ and we still don’t know why we do it.
I think that’s an important part of this book— it’s not Rachel trying to be God and prescribe specific behaviors. It’s her bringing things to the surface and asking the reader to reflect honestly on the behavior, the thought, the idea, the message and look to Christ. Is it good? Is it true? Is it lovely? Is it right?
It’s true that we often ignore our ulterior motives— there’s nothing wrong with this shirt! It’s just a shirt! But is it, though? With so many things if we are honest with ourselves we KNOW what we’re doing. We KNOW if something is right or wrong. We KNOW our doublemind. She’s saying- ‘stop pretending and think about it. Don’t be dumb. Be honest and be discerning. It’s worth it.’
Homemaking?
One drive of the book is this idea of homemaking and learning skills. It’s this aspect that might lose some of the teen readers. While I desired to be a wife and mother someday, I’m not sure learning how to make a home was a top priority for me in middle school and high school.
She includes a list of ideas of skills to learn (with the assumption that you’re already learning other types of skills with schoolwork) but there weren’t a lot that resonated with me, even as an adult: I don’t want to make a roasted chicken or a quiche. I cross stitch and I paint but I’m not into knitting.
She gives the disclaimer that these are just ideas, mark it up, cross off and add to it, she just encourages readers to take the time to learn a useful skill, have a hobby, be an interesting person.
To this, I say- yes! There are so many things I don’t have time for now as an adult and mother of three. Things I want to learn or things I wished I had spent more time learning better when I was younger and carefree. Teenagers don’t understand the opportunities they have and maybe they won’t even when we tell them, but I think it’s worth trying to spur them on to invest their time in learning skills rather than scrolling their phones.
I do wonder if cell phones and social media have made people less interesting. What do they have to talk about if their time is spent glued to the screen and their hands are idle. What do they have to show for the day?
Jankovic and her sister, Rebekah Merkle, both use their platform to advocate for elevating homemaking. Not even that women should be stay-at-home moms but that the attitude toward ‘making a home’ should be honored instead of dismissed.
Women valuing their work and pursuing excellence in it “shouldn’t be filed under the category of ‘not working.’” This isn’t a pulling down of women in the corporate world, but boosting up the work of women in the home.
What, then, is homemaking? This book perhaps seems to be setting forth a definition of that, but I think there is more freedom than the reader will most likely at first derive here.
I wonder if this idea might be distracting or confusing for the target audience.
I do think what’s on page 116-117 is a good reminder, though, that the home is a battleground that the enemy wants women to ‘disappear’ from. To invest in the home and find joy in work done in the home brings glory to God and thwarts the strategies of the devil.
The Critiques
The bottom of page 78 mentions kids raised in daycare and public school “while their mothers prioritized their careers” and I probably shouldn’t take this completely out of the context, and I’m not trying to make much of it but I did wonder if this was a dig at public schools?
I think she would say it’s not a dig at public schools but is a comment directed toward a generation of mothers who desired to invest all their time and energy into their work instead of in teaching and investing in their kids— which you can do even if they attend public school and even if you work outside the home. The emphasis is on your attitude and if, wherever you are, you are pointed toward home or away from home.
I agree with another reviewer that it was TMI on the knitting tips. I’m sure there are readers who are interested in that, and if it were tips on painting water colors without turning your paper into a watery soupy mess, I’d be eating it up. But I don’t care about knitting. This is probably one of those things where you can just pass over it and not let it ruin the book for you, but you don’t have to love knitting; it’s okay to move on.
Another reviewer thought the section on porn was too short. And that’s probably true. The chapter called that is only a couple pages. I do think pornography, which is way more prevalent for boys, is increasing for girls and probably should be talked about more. Especially when so much of the internet is basically porn but somehow allowed and somehow allowed to just pop up on all kinds of apps for no particular reason. It feels impossible to avoid.
To this I would say, yes, we do need to talk more with our daughters about that. This was never meant to be an exhaustive book about every topic. Use it as a launching point and go beyond the book in areas you feel like your teenager needs.
There are several reviewers who hate the book because of its fundamentalist theology. Primarily the roles of husband and wife. [Read ‘Fundamentalism’ and the Word of God by J.I. Packer to delve into why the word fundamentalism has baggage and what proper theology should be]
Now I’m not here to defend their father, Douglas Wilson, or his church, and there are definitely ways that men have wrongly used Scripture to try to dominate or control women. It should be said that the proper reading of Scripture does not allow for this.
No this book is not a treatise on ‘how to find the best husband’ or an exposition on the applicable Bible passages, but I don’t understand the reviewers who are offended by the way Rachel presents a wife’s relationship to her husband. There are actually things in here encouraging girls to stand up for themselves against boys that make them uncomfortable. She says to find a husband that doesn’t push you into things but leads you.
Because of the context and length of the book I think there has to be some leniency on what is or is not clarified or disclaimered as if this is the complete entirety of what Rachel believes about the husband/wife relationship.
I read the book and saw an encouragement to teenage girls to pursue Christ in everything, even if it puts you in an awkward position. I didn’t read it as a prescriptive checklist to be the best version of yourself.
I do think more caution should have been used in terms of what girls should be saying to each other in regards to all of these things and being ‘accountable’ to one another, for sure. Probably disagree the most with her on that point.
I’m not even offended by her tone though I’m not surprised that some are. I think that’s part of what she is pushing against— this idea that strength in truth is rude or offensive and the ultimate thing we could do in our lives is ‘be kind.’ She’s always had a bold, no-nonsense style of writing not to be harsh but to exhort and inspire us to rise above the ‘comfortable’ and the ‘feel good’ and live the holy and sacrificial but better way that is in Christ.
Recommendation
Overall, I think this is a good discussion-starter book that a mom or mentor should read with the teenage girls in their life. There is a lot of good information and encouragement in here that young women should hear and think about even if it’s a bolder voice than they may be used to.
It’s likely you won’t agree with everything she says, but it’s a good launching point to figure out the areas your particular teenage girl may need to flesh out more.
The heart of the book is about pursuing Christ and growing in wisdom and discernment in a culture that wants us to fall in line with ‘the norm.’
I’m not the target audience and I don’t have a teenage daughter, so I’m still gathering feedback from other moms who have read this with their daughters and finding out what they thought of it. If I get new information that I feel is important for other readers/women to know as far as who should be reading or recommending this book, I will add updates to this review.
**Received a copy via Canon Press in exchange for an honest review**
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September 3, 2025
I decided not to finish this book. Let's talk about it.
I don't think this book is wise for teenagers and young adults to read as a source of spiritual wisdom. While there are many truths spoken in this book, it is overshadowed by a tone that seeks to match the immaturity of the target audience and encourages thinking the worst possible things you can about your neighbor.
Online, reviewers say that the author is misunderstood and "refreshingly blunt.” Deep down, these reviewers probably align with her personal aesthetic and moral habits. It’s harder to see legalism when it’s the kind that you agree with.
For example, "No one in a healthy relationship ever gets a bullnose ring." This is what we call a hot take, folks. There is nothing Scriptural to back this up and I think she knows that. Maybe where Rachel comes from, bullnose rings are a symbol of emotional instability but I know people who had nose rings because they just liked it and were the nicest little cinnamon buns at heart. But Scripturally? God talks about adorning Israel with a nose ring and rings on her ears as well as dressing her in fine linen as a symbol of His love for her. If anything, maybe every Christian should be getting a nose ring to symbolize that they are God's beloved. Okay, I don't actually believe that. But do you see where I am going here? She doesn't like bullnose rings. She associates them with unhealthy relationships. This 'wisdom' is not from God but from her own personal preferences. That is a form of legalism.
Being blunt in itself is not actual wisdom.
Also, whether intentional or not, Rachel encourages the reader to actively think the worst about their neighbor. Rachel says things such as "Do not treat 'them' like they are coming from a lost and broken place." Okay.... why not? What other place could someone you perceive to be in rebellion be coming from but a lost and broken place? The Bible calls us to love our enemies- not roast them into oblivion.
Quotes like, “They wore those short shorts just to watch you squirm,” and “They may not be sleeping with anyone yet, but only because no one has asked,” focus more on assuming the worst about others than on encouraging the reader to “consider others better than themselves.” These statements certainly do not encourage humility, but pride. While I appreciate the sentiment that Christians should never be afraid to tell the truth. I also believe that if you tell the truth without love. It is meaningless.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 ESV
So, after noticing this pattern developing in this particular book. I have decided to put it down around “Peer Pressure” chapter. I’m not going to rate this book at a one star, as I found it did not achieve its goal of providing God-honoring wisdom to vulnerable and naive teenage minds.
I don't think this book is wise for teenagers and young adults to read as a source of spiritual wisdom. While there are many truths spoken in this book, it is overshadowed by a tone that seeks to match the immaturity of the target audience and encourages thinking the worst possible things you can about your neighbor.
Online, reviewers say that the author is misunderstood and "refreshingly blunt.” Deep down, these reviewers probably align with her personal aesthetic and moral habits. It’s harder to see legalism when it’s the kind that you agree with.
For example, "No one in a healthy relationship ever gets a bullnose ring." This is what we call a hot take, folks. There is nothing Scriptural to back this up and I think she knows that. Maybe where Rachel comes from, bullnose rings are a symbol of emotional instability but I know people who had nose rings because they just liked it and were the nicest little cinnamon buns at heart. But Scripturally? God talks about adorning Israel with a nose ring and rings on her ears as well as dressing her in fine linen as a symbol of His love for her. If anything, maybe every Christian should be getting a nose ring to symbolize that they are God's beloved. Okay, I don't actually believe that. But do you see where I am going here? She doesn't like bullnose rings. She associates them with unhealthy relationships. This 'wisdom' is not from God but from her own personal preferences. That is a form of legalism.
Being blunt in itself is not actual wisdom.
Also, whether intentional or not, Rachel encourages the reader to actively think the worst about their neighbor. Rachel says things such as "Do not treat 'them' like they are coming from a lost and broken place." Okay.... why not? What other place could someone you perceive to be in rebellion be coming from but a lost and broken place? The Bible calls us to love our enemies- not roast them into oblivion.
Quotes like, “They wore those short shorts just to watch you squirm,” and “They may not be sleeping with anyone yet, but only because no one has asked,” focus more on assuming the worst about others than on encouraging the reader to “consider others better than themselves.” These statements certainly do not encourage humility, but pride. While I appreciate the sentiment that Christians should never be afraid to tell the truth. I also believe that if you tell the truth without love. It is meaningless.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13: 1-3 ESV
So, after noticing this pattern developing in this particular book. I have decided to put it down around “Peer Pressure” chapter. I’m not going to rate this book at a one star, as I found it did not achieve its goal of providing God-honoring wisdom to vulnerable and naive teenage minds.
April 6, 2025
5 ⭐
Every. Single. Teenage girl. Needs to read this. No matter what their situation is.
l have no critiques! This is the kind of book that hits you in the face, but in the best way possible. She tells you how to navigate real-life situations that every girl struggles with, and some that are more catered to particular issues. And when she talked about the couple issues that l don't particularly struggle with, l found them applicable to other situations.
I learned SO MUCH and can't wait to try the recipes!
Every. Single. Teenage girl. Needs to read this. No matter what their situation is.
l have no critiques! This is the kind of book that hits you in the face, but in the best way possible. She tells you how to navigate real-life situations that every girl struggles with, and some that are more catered to particular issues. And when she talked about the couple issues that l don't particularly struggle with, l found them applicable to other situations.
I learned SO MUCH and can't wait to try the recipes!
May 11, 2025
I'm obviously not the audience for this book, but if Rachel wrote it, I'm gonna read it. May it be a blessing to many, many young women and help them not grow up to be as stupid and broken and useless and hopeless as I am.
How fun to have Rachel's daughter narrate! She read a little too quickly (if anybody ever finds the Canon Press recording booth vandalized with SLOWWWW DOWWWWN! spray paint graffiti, just send the cops my way) and could have enunciated more clearly, but her affect was spot-on for the subject matter.
How fun to have Rachel's daughter narrate! She read a little too quickly (if anybody ever finds the Canon Press recording booth vandalized with SLOWWWW DOWWWWN! spray paint graffiti, just send the cops my way) and could have enunciated more clearly, but her affect was spot-on for the subject matter.
June 21, 2025
you all are in for a treat
May 9, 2025
I’ll go ahead and say from the outset that I’m eager to have my 15-year-old daughter read this book—most of it. I’ve enjoyed some of Rachel Jankovic’s work in the past, especially appreciating the way that she diagnoses the problems and temptations of our current cultural moment and then clearly calls a spade a spade and applies the Biblical worldview. She does a great job of exposing so much of the foolishness with which our culture is constantly surrounding us.
I also appreciate, in this book, that she doesn’t only speak about negative things to avoid, but gives positive encouragement as well — instead of indulging in different types of foolishness on social media, for instance, focus on learning a new skill that can bless the people around you.
My only problem with this book is the chapter called “Handsiness” and its follow-up. It starts out quite well, spelling out the dangers of flattery and how unwise it is to develop a taste for it or a perceived need to be on the receiving end of it. But then, in what seems like a complete non sequitur, she pivots to talking about girls in their friendships needing to keep their hands to themselves: “Snuggling with each other, touching each other’s hair for no reason, sitting on each other’s laps, giving each other rubs, hugging each other when you have been apart for twelve minutes — none of these things are wise or acceptable.”
I find no biblical basis for this injunction. I personally have never been touchy-feely like the behavior she’s describing, but I hardly would view those behaviors between girls as sinful. She goes on about it for quite some time, too, compared to other more important issues. Behind this seems to be a fear of girls becoming lesbians: “Just because everyone involved does not intend to be a lesbian—and just because you may be profoundly angry that I’m saying this—does not mean you aren’t behaving sexually with one another.”
The idea that any and all physical affection between non-relatives is sexual is simply not true. It may seem true to Americans, but our relative discomfort with and dislike of touching outside of romantic relationships is not the norm of humanity. I spent several weeks in Italy when I was in college, and the guys over there would kiss each other’s cheeks and put their arms around each other in what was obviously completely nonsexual affection. That was the norm for their culture, and there was nothing sinful about it. I think that some hugs and shoulder rubs between girl friends are completely harmless and platonic as well. So I really feel like Jankovic has it wrong here, and that this particular section of the book, while well-intentioned, is straying into legalism.
HOWEVER, the rest of the book is SO good. The chapter on emotions was so on-point, and her concrete examples of how to politely but firmly maintain boundaries were, I think, exceptionally clear and helpful. Body image and food were also solidly dealt with, though she didn’t go very deep there. Overall, the book was deeply encouraging to me, and I believe it will be of great benefit to my daughter.. I’ll just tell her to skip those problem sections.
I also appreciate, in this book, that she doesn’t only speak about negative things to avoid, but gives positive encouragement as well — instead of indulging in different types of foolishness on social media, for instance, focus on learning a new skill that can bless the people around you.
My only problem with this book is the chapter called “Handsiness” and its follow-up. It starts out quite well, spelling out the dangers of flattery and how unwise it is to develop a taste for it or a perceived need to be on the receiving end of it. But then, in what seems like a complete non sequitur, she pivots to talking about girls in their friendships needing to keep their hands to themselves: “Snuggling with each other, touching each other’s hair for no reason, sitting on each other’s laps, giving each other rubs, hugging each other when you have been apart for twelve minutes — none of these things are wise or acceptable.”
I find no biblical basis for this injunction. I personally have never been touchy-feely like the behavior she’s describing, but I hardly would view those behaviors between girls as sinful. She goes on about it for quite some time, too, compared to other more important issues. Behind this seems to be a fear of girls becoming lesbians: “Just because everyone involved does not intend to be a lesbian—and just because you may be profoundly angry that I’m saying this—does not mean you aren’t behaving sexually with one another.”
The idea that any and all physical affection between non-relatives is sexual is simply not true. It may seem true to Americans, but our relative discomfort with and dislike of touching outside of romantic relationships is not the norm of humanity. I spent several weeks in Italy when I was in college, and the guys over there would kiss each other’s cheeks and put their arms around each other in what was obviously completely nonsexual affection. That was the norm for their culture, and there was nothing sinful about it. I think that some hugs and shoulder rubs between girl friends are completely harmless and platonic as well. So I really feel like Jankovic has it wrong here, and that this particular section of the book, while well-intentioned, is straying into legalism.
HOWEVER, the rest of the book is SO good. The chapter on emotions was so on-point, and her concrete examples of how to politely but firmly maintain boundaries were, I think, exceptionally clear and helpful. Body image and food were also solidly dealt with, though she didn’t go very deep there. Overall, the book was deeply encouraging to me, and I believe it will be of great benefit to my daughter.. I’ll just tell her to skip those problem sections.
August 8, 2025
So. Good. I want to buy this book for every teenage girl at my church and school. Highly recommend for all Moms and Daughters to read!!
August 2, 2025
"I would say to put some skin in the game of your faith, but I think a more appropriate image would be putting your skin inside some longer shorts."
Hands down, the most helpful book on being a young woman. It surpassed my expectations. Mrs. Jankovic speaks important truth with tenderness and cleverness, and inspires young women that they have plenty of time for good things, but they really don't have time to be dumb.
Hands down, the most helpful book on being a young woman. It surpassed my expectations. Mrs. Jankovic speaks important truth with tenderness and cleverness, and inspires young women that they have plenty of time for good things, but they really don't have time to be dumb.
June 12, 2025
In a time of Instagram influencers trying to sell you courses on how to become godly young women, skip paying $200+ for a few hours of "just be kind," and "smile more," and get this book instead. Jankovic shares her wisdom from parenting teenagers, and being one herself, to spur young women on to honor the Lord. In using the literary device of letters written to fictitious nieces, she has written in a very loving and personable way, while also being blunt where it's needed. I genuinely wish this book was around when I was a teenager, and I will be recommending it to any young women I know, or those with young women in their lives.
May 19, 2025
All women should read this.
July 8, 2025
Very excited to hand this wisdom to my daughter one day and watch her thrive
July 1, 2025
3.5-4 stars.
This was good. I appreciated the encouragement to be intentional with your time. It's easy to forget how much time and opportunity I have as a teenage girl and I love being reminded that every day leads me closer to tasks God has prepared for me. I need to be ready.
I enjoyed the exhortation to take control of your emotions and in so doing become a woman of faith and virtue. A woman who is a threat to the enemy.
I did have a couple problems with it. First, this book gives very specific, detailed advice. On the one hand, that's very helpful. It gives you clear instructions about fighting certain temptations, preparing for marriage, etc. Sometimes you want someone to just tell you what to do. On the other hand, some of the things she suggested I didn't agree with. In fact, one thing specifically I found more detrimental than good.
Rachel is very relevant. She knows the thoughts and hearts of this generation of teenage girls. That is sometimes good and sometimes overdone. The book ended up being a little "flashy". Very inspiring when you first read it, but it wears off much quicker than a book with solid, time-transcending values.
None of that is to say that it wouldn't be worth reading, especially amongst a group of friends. I really liked some of her advice about godly friendships and how we cultivate them and it could see it being valuable in that area.
This was good. I appreciated the encouragement to be intentional with your time. It's easy to forget how much time and opportunity I have as a teenage girl and I love being reminded that every day leads me closer to tasks God has prepared for me. I need to be ready.
I enjoyed the exhortation to take control of your emotions and in so doing become a woman of faith and virtue. A woman who is a threat to the enemy.
I did have a couple problems with it. First, this book gives very specific, detailed advice. On the one hand, that's very helpful. It gives you clear instructions about fighting certain temptations, preparing for marriage, etc. Sometimes you want someone to just tell you what to do. On the other hand, some of the things she suggested I didn't agree with. In fact, one thing specifically I found more detrimental than good.
Rachel is very relevant. She knows the thoughts and hearts of this generation of teenage girls. That is sometimes good and sometimes overdone. The book ended up being a little "flashy". Very inspiring when you first read it, but it wears off much quicker than a book with solid, time-transcending values.
None of that is to say that it wouldn't be worth reading, especially amongst a group of friends. I really liked some of her advice about godly friendships and how we cultivate them and it could see it being valuable in that area.
June 13, 2025
Another no nonsense book that we all need to read!
“You cannot autopilot your faith and expect to get holier and holier. You cannot assume that whatever you do and however you live will turn out okay because you are a good girl. Scripture makes it very clear that we need to be fully engaged (heart, soul, mind, and strength) in loving the Lord.”
“You cannot autopilot your faith and expect to get holier and holier. You cannot assume that whatever you do and however you live will turn out okay because you are a good girl. Scripture makes it very clear that we need to be fully engaged (heart, soul, mind, and strength) in loving the Lord.”
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May 28, 2025One of the most inspirational books I read as a teenage girl was “Do Hard Things” by the Harrises. This book feels like a girl version of Do Hard Things crossed with Nancy Wilson’s single girls book, a cookbook, and a knitting magazine.
Pros: Blunt talk about fighting sin, some genuinely good and helpful advice about knocking off foolish behavior, very decent take on modesty (with one small caveat, below). She handled emotions much better in this book than in You Who. Relevant warnings and advice about Internet behavior and temptations. I appreciated the head-on style and frank nature of many of her letters. Her chapter on not being a push-over was especially good.
Cons: Some small things, like way too many letters about crafting. Letter on “handsiness” did cover actual dumb girl behavior but (like her mother) did not direct or carve out any space for how to do appropriate physical affection or account for cultural differences, tended to sexualize all touch.
The biggest con gets its own paragraph. Call it a mood if you will, but the tone in which the book is written seems to grant permission towards some “other ditch” tendencies of its readers. In the modesty chapter she encourages girls to get together and look at different outfits and imagine what the wearer is saying about herself by her clothing choices. I have a hard time imagining a scenario where that sort of unsupervised activity doesn’t immediately turn into an opportunity for criticism, cruelty, and pride. There is some encouragement for the girls to assume that their friends’ motives are bad and malicious without asking questions.
Girls don’t need any help to sin in these areas, particularly the girls who will be naturally drawn to books like these. In Lewis’ Surprised by Joy he recounts one of the chief sins of his youth as “snobbery.” He was enjoying art and music and literature that was higher quality than his peers, which was good for him… until he started to compare and congratulate himself on his superior taste. Then he stopped enjoying the good things for their sake and started to enjoy them for the superiority he thought they gave him.
One of his great quotes about this is something along the lines of “when a man starts to really develop humility he might begin to say “look at me, being humble.”” I can imagine a scenario where a girl develops modesty and then begins to have immodest thoughts about how much more modest she is than all the other girls still wearing short shorts and spending time on Instagram, and look at so and so! Scoff. What do you think she’s trying to say about herself with that neckline, if you know what I mean?? …. And then you run screaming out of the one ditch and end up falling into the “pride dressed up as piety” ditch.
There was some definite timely and helpful advice here, but the book would have benefited from a little more admonishment towards humility and demonstrating grace (without cowardice) toward others.
Pros: Blunt talk about fighting sin, some genuinely good and helpful advice about knocking off foolish behavior, very decent take on modesty (with one small caveat, below). She handled emotions much better in this book than in You Who. Relevant warnings and advice about Internet behavior and temptations. I appreciated the head-on style and frank nature of many of her letters. Her chapter on not being a push-over was especially good.
Cons: Some small things, like way too many letters about crafting. Letter on “handsiness” did cover actual dumb girl behavior but (like her mother) did not direct or carve out any space for how to do appropriate physical affection or account for cultural differences, tended to sexualize all touch.
The biggest con gets its own paragraph. Call it a mood if you will, but the tone in which the book is written seems to grant permission towards some “other ditch” tendencies of its readers. In the modesty chapter she encourages girls to get together and look at different outfits and imagine what the wearer is saying about herself by her clothing choices. I have a hard time imagining a scenario where that sort of unsupervised activity doesn’t immediately turn into an opportunity for criticism, cruelty, and pride. There is some encouragement for the girls to assume that their friends’ motives are bad and malicious without asking questions.
Girls don’t need any help to sin in these areas, particularly the girls who will be naturally drawn to books like these. In Lewis’ Surprised by Joy he recounts one of the chief sins of his youth as “snobbery.” He was enjoying art and music and literature that was higher quality than his peers, which was good for him… until he started to compare and congratulate himself on his superior taste. Then he stopped enjoying the good things for their sake and started to enjoy them for the superiority he thought they gave him.
One of his great quotes about this is something along the lines of “when a man starts to really develop humility he might begin to say “look at me, being humble.”” I can imagine a scenario where a girl develops modesty and then begins to have immodest thoughts about how much more modest she is than all the other girls still wearing short shorts and spending time on Instagram, and look at so and so! Scoff. What do you think she’s trying to say about herself with that neckline, if you know what I mean?? …. And then you run screaming out of the one ditch and end up falling into the “pride dressed up as piety” ditch.
There was some definite timely and helpful advice here, but the book would have benefited from a little more admonishment towards humility and demonstrating grace (without cowardice) toward others.
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