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The Empress Murders
A razor-sharp, mind-bendingly clever whodunnit from award-winning playwright and actor, Toby Schmitz.
Everyone is in peril. Everyone is a suspect.
It's 1925 and the Empress of Australia is making her regular Atlantic crossing, New York–bound, with a full manifest of passengers.
When a dead body is uncovered onboard, it is up to Inspector Archie Daniels to find the killer. But solving one murder quickly turns into solving two, then three, and it becomes clear that Daniels must act fast to avoid an all-souls-lost–level calamity. No one, from the horrendously wealthy and entitled first-class passengers to those they consider the dregs of empire below deck, is safe. And no one can get off . . .
The Empress Murders is a razor-sharp, mind-bendingly clever novel that is both a witty, bloodthirsty whodunnit and an excoriating look at the excesses of the British Empire, just as the sun begins to set on it.
'A tense and claustrophobic mystery told with startling wit.' TIM MINCHIN
'Whatever you think this book is, think again. Cosy murder mystery? Historical crime fiction? Flamboyant literary feast? Slasher horror? The Empress Murders has all that, but Toby Schmitz has created a unique beast. I loved it. What a trip. Be ready for anything.' MALCOLM KNOX, author of The First Friend
'A uniquely brilliant reimagining of the nautical murder mystery . . . It's a novel that is both literary and highly readable. Unequivocally recommended.' RICHARD ROXBURGH
Everyone is in peril. Everyone is a suspect.
It's 1925 and the Empress of Australia is making her regular Atlantic crossing, New York–bound, with a full manifest of passengers.
When a dead body is uncovered onboard, it is up to Inspector Archie Daniels to find the killer. But solving one murder quickly turns into solving two, then three, and it becomes clear that Daniels must act fast to avoid an all-souls-lost–level calamity. No one, from the horrendously wealthy and entitled first-class passengers to those they consider the dregs of empire below deck, is safe. And no one can get off . . .
The Empress Murders is a razor-sharp, mind-bendingly clever novel that is both a witty, bloodthirsty whodunnit and an excoriating look at the excesses of the British Empire, just as the sun begins to set on it.
'A tense and claustrophobic mystery told with startling wit.' TIM MINCHIN
'Whatever you think this book is, think again. Cosy murder mystery? Historical crime fiction? Flamboyant literary feast? Slasher horror? The Empress Murders has all that, but Toby Schmitz has created a unique beast. I loved it. What a trip. Be ready for anything.' MALCOLM KNOX, author of The First Friend
'A uniquely brilliant reimagining of the nautical murder mystery . . . It's a novel that is both literary and highly readable. Unequivocally recommended.' RICHARD ROXBURGH
384 pages, Paperback
Published April 29, 2025
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628 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 58 reviews
October 23, 2025
I enjoyed the vintage vibe and the fresh, unpredictable plot set in the 1920s. The thriller level is wow, the humour hits the right note, and the characters are full of personality. But gosh — the language! You literally keep tripping over the old-school phrases, thick slang, layered idioms, and the overall style — with constant shifts in tone, genre, and perspective. At times, it’s something between a word chaos and a stage play script. Many stomach-turning scenes pop up all of a sudden. And the thing is, all this tension leads basically nowhere: the story falls apart, the characters lose control of the narrative, and any sense of chronology or logic collapses. Deaths are described like absurdity, satire, or farce. Definitely not a quick or easy read — it was a rare kind of struggle for me.
May 9, 2025
Worth reading, if only for Schmitz's use of the phrase "scrotal jowls."
Read
May 22, 2025Unfortunately this book wasn't for me :( I dnfed this one on page 170 as it wasn't giving me the vibes I thought. This book was more of a complex read than I expected, with a lot of slang and I was not prepared. Plus it jumped around all of the characters without giving me enough time to settle with each one at the start to really get a grasp.
I was quite invested with which one of them could have been the killer, however the writing style kept taking me out of the story.
I was quite invested with which one of them could have been the killer, however the writing style kept taking me out of the story.
June 29, 2025
2 furious stars for my boy Palmer because he deserved better.
Buckle up because I am not holding back on spoilers for this one. Read on at your own risk.
This book started off fine, I liked that the ship was the narrator, I could even brush past the over the top caricatures and ‘floating head’ dialogue. We meet our detective, Archie Daniels, who is a mess but not in an annoying way, and an endearing petty thief called Larry Palmer, who sends the telegrams from on board the Empress, while also stealing jewellery from the rich above deck. Naturally, Daniels selects him to be his deputy when he realises that a Jack the Ripper style murderer is on board. Now I love a buddy cop dynamic so I was invested (it took 20%, but I was finally there).
I won’t bother explaining the rest of the characters because there are way, way too many of them - when the narrator (the Empress) explicitly says “Don’t worry you don’t have to keep track”, then why the heck do I even bother. They’re all terrible people in their own ways - there is an authors note at the start stating that there is racist and other offensive language of the time, but as a few people noted in book club - if you take that out, you still have the same book.
Ok I’m trying not to rant. Let me summarise:
- A murderer who has a stolen identity - but is still a stranger to everyone on board anyway so what’s the point?? (Please note he had stolen this identity before he became known as “the London Bleeder”) - there is a scene right at the end where he steals a uniform and quite literally speaks to Archie and passes on by unnoticed, and it was the most underused aspect of the entire plot! I wish that had been introduced earlier to add an extra level of creepy suspense.
- The last third of the book is just a pure bloodbath - which, listen, is not necessarily a criticism, but the whole tone of the book shifts so dramatically we even lose the voice of the ship as the narrator until the final chapter.
- No map!! I don’t know enough about ships for anything to make sense. At one point, a room explodes, and I could not tell you which one it was, where it was in the grand scheme of things, or how it affected the overall ship.
- In the final 10% my poor boy gets his throat ripped out by the Bleeder. RIP Palmer, you were the best deputy.
- Wondering how on earth this gets solved? How Archie Daniels gets redemption for being a hot mess of a human and a detective? Spoilers: he doesn’t. THE WHOLE SHIP BLOWS UP INSTEAD.
- YES.
- Oh and there’s a lovely scene all about a victim’s intestines being strung up around the ballroom, so if you like your body horror, maybe give this a go, but don’t go into it thinking it’ll be a cozy 20’s locked room. (I am tired of cozy crime, so again, this is not a criticism, but boy was it over the top)
TLDR: gratuitously violent and debauched. The summary describes this like Saltburn meets the Titanic and I cannot stress how accurate that is. Read this book if you want a fucking acid trip of a body horror thriller. I will say that the author did a great job at really going to town on the language used.
Despite the review and the rating, I don't hate this book, I am mostly just so mad about that rip-off ending. I was sitting on a 3.5 rating until the 90% mark but now I'm just bitter.
TW/CWs:
- Domestic violence off screen
- War flashbacks
- Violence and gore
- Body horror
- SA
- Drug and alcohol use
- Self harm
- Animal death both in and out of war contexts
- Child death
- Nudity and mutilation
- Historically racist and sexist language
Buckle up because I am not holding back on spoilers for this one. Read on at your own risk.
This book started off fine, I liked that the ship was the narrator, I could even brush past the over the top caricatures and ‘floating head’ dialogue. We meet our detective, Archie Daniels, who is a mess but not in an annoying way, and an endearing petty thief called Larry Palmer, who sends the telegrams from on board the Empress, while also stealing jewellery from the rich above deck. Naturally, Daniels selects him to be his deputy when he realises that a Jack the Ripper style murderer is on board. Now I love a buddy cop dynamic so I was invested (it took 20%, but I was finally there).
I won’t bother explaining the rest of the characters because there are way, way too many of them - when the narrator (the Empress) explicitly says “Don’t worry you don’t have to keep track”, then why the heck do I even bother. They’re all terrible people in their own ways - there is an authors note at the start stating that there is racist and other offensive language of the time, but as a few people noted in book club - if you take that out, you still have the same book.
Ok I’m trying not to rant. Let me summarise:
- A murderer who has a stolen identity - but is still a stranger to everyone on board anyway so what’s the point?? (Please note he had stolen this identity before he became known as “the London Bleeder”) - there is a scene right at the end where he steals a uniform and quite literally speaks to Archie and passes on by unnoticed, and it was the most underused aspect of the entire plot! I wish that had been introduced earlier to add an extra level of creepy suspense.
- The last third of the book is just a pure bloodbath - which, listen, is not necessarily a criticism, but the whole tone of the book shifts so dramatically we even lose the voice of the ship as the narrator until the final chapter.
- No map!! I don’t know enough about ships for anything to make sense. At one point, a room explodes, and I could not tell you which one it was, where it was in the grand scheme of things, or how it affected the overall ship.
- In the final 10% my poor boy gets his throat ripped out by the Bleeder. RIP Palmer, you were the best deputy.
- Wondering how on earth this gets solved? How Archie Daniels gets redemption for being a hot mess of a human and a detective? Spoilers: he doesn’t. THE WHOLE SHIP BLOWS UP INSTEAD.
- YES.
- Oh and there’s a lovely scene all about a victim’s intestines being strung up around the ballroom, so if you like your body horror, maybe give this a go, but don’t go into it thinking it’ll be a cozy 20’s locked room. (I am tired of cozy crime, so again, this is not a criticism, but boy was it over the top)
TLDR: gratuitously violent and debauched. The summary describes this like Saltburn meets the Titanic and I cannot stress how accurate that is. Read this book if you want a fucking acid trip of a body horror thriller. I will say that the author did a great job at really going to town on the language used.
Despite the review and the rating, I don't hate this book, I am mostly just so mad about that rip-off ending. I was sitting on a 3.5 rating until the 90% mark but now I'm just bitter.
TW/CWs:
- Domestic violence off screen
- War flashbacks
- Violence and gore
- Body horror
- SA
- Drug and alcohol use
- Self harm
- Animal death both in and out of war contexts
- Child death
- Nudity and mutilation
- Historically racist and sexist language
July 7, 2025
Surprised and impressed. Why? Because I received a parcel from Allen & Unwin Publishers containing a brand new 2025 book majestically titled ‘The Empress Murders’ by Toby Schmitz. I like the impressive bookcover by Christabella Designs and the enticing blurb reading ‘Prepare for a rough crossing’. I enter book competitions but I don’t remember entering for this particular book. It’s certainly a very different kind of murder mystery. Apart from being afloat, I agree with the reviewer who says ‘both a witty and blood thirsty whodunnit’ and I can recall my family speaking of a ship named Empress of Australia in reverential tones so it must have been big news in the 20th century. Hopefully not for what the book describes. I embarked on this literary sea journey feeling rather nervous as I stepped aboard, and rightly so, because it was not a Bon Voyage. Let’s get one thing straight, I can stand a reasonable amount of crudeness, creeps and violence in different forms but this tale went deep into ugly male territory. Two moderate quotes almost side by side 'Smarter than a butcher’s dog' and 'The British Museum Library. Been? Lot of books.'
Page 252 'Trace The Noble Dust' is bizarre and visceral. There is a fair amount of war history between the vignettes. Be warned, there are horses, trepanning and a dig at the British Empire among other things. At first I couldn’t see the point, the threads, then background events emerged which were enough to turn my stomach. I believe it’s a character play turned into a literary experiment complete with jive talk and slang. Yes, a deep dive into taking a theme to the absolute limit, no holds barred and no prisoners taken. The multitude of symbolism and individual dialogue possibly written for film or stage does highlight grotesque humans who have suffered a lot and make others suffer a lot. Usually before they are killed. There are sly references, obvious character names, a lot of bodily functions, thieves and warped minds but it’s worth reading Page 113 for Callum ‘Cookie’ Crum and his red hot drumming before the pages dissolve into a self-conscious mix of high society snobs and barely human beings below decks. A brave literary move by author Toby Schmitz although I am confident my book club members would have apoplexy if ‘The Empress Murders’ went on our booklist.
Page 252 'Trace The Noble Dust' is bizarre and visceral. There is a fair amount of war history between the vignettes. Be warned, there are horses, trepanning and a dig at the British Empire among other things. At first I couldn’t see the point, the threads, then background events emerged which were enough to turn my stomach. I believe it’s a character play turned into a literary experiment complete with jive talk and slang. Yes, a deep dive into taking a theme to the absolute limit, no holds barred and no prisoners taken. The multitude of symbolism and individual dialogue possibly written for film or stage does highlight grotesque humans who have suffered a lot and make others suffer a lot. Usually before they are killed. There are sly references, obvious character names, a lot of bodily functions, thieves and warped minds but it’s worth reading Page 113 for Callum ‘Cookie’ Crum and his red hot drumming before the pages dissolve into a self-conscious mix of high society snobs and barely human beings below decks. A brave literary move by author Toby Schmitz although I am confident my book club members would have apoplexy if ‘The Empress Murders’ went on our booklist.
May 22, 2025
This is a feast of words and characterizations that is tailor-made for READERS. It’s brilliant language. I’m tired or I’d have a more brilliant review. I suspect I may come back and add to this when I’m more awake, but I want everyone who follows me and who likes words and English, brilliantly deployed, to please get this.
Brilliant. (Because I didn’t use that word enough.)
Brilliant. (Because I didn’t use that word enough.)
July 1, 2025
Well, I’m never going on a ship again that’s for sure.
It took me a while to get into it but then was hooked. I found the writing style quite hard to wrap my head around which definitely made it hard to get into but I got used to it. That’s the main reason it’s a 4 star. There were some words/instances that I felt uncomfortable reading.
Overall, enjoyed/freaked out
It took me a while to get into it but then was hooked. I found the writing style quite hard to wrap my head around which definitely made it hard to get into but I got used to it. That’s the main reason it’s a 4 star. There were some words/instances that I felt uncomfortable reading.
Overall, enjoyed/freaked out
May 25, 2025
I tried very hard to finish the book, even tried skipping pages but the storyline got more bizarre towards the end so I finally gave up during the seance… so it’s a DNF.
I was looking forward to reading his book.
Firstly there were too many characters. The story jumped around making it very confusing and disjointed. It went into some of the characters pasts which were not relevant to the story. I also didn’t care about any of the characters nor did I care what happened to them. Some pages were just a word salad.
The continued use of the South African Afrikaans word “ja” and the African word “eish” which isn’t a word South Africans use really grated me.
The story read more like a script than a novel and I think it’s because Toby is an actor and playwright.
I have never written a negative 2* review before but I feel I wasted my weekend trying to read this book.
I was looking forward to reading his book.
Firstly there were too many characters. The story jumped around making it very confusing and disjointed. It went into some of the characters pasts which were not relevant to the story. I also didn’t care about any of the characters nor did I care what happened to them. Some pages were just a word salad.
The continued use of the South African Afrikaans word “ja” and the African word “eish” which isn’t a word South Africans use really grated me.
The story read more like a script than a novel and I think it’s because Toby is an actor and playwright.
I have never written a negative 2* review before but I feel I wasted my weekend trying to read this book.
June 4, 2025
The author was trying to be much too clever but ended up making the story longwinded and confusing. Too many characters with complex back stories.
Not for me thanks
June 27, 2025
Full disclosure, I love Toby Schmitz as both an actor and playwright, so when I saw that he had a book coming out, I had to preorder it. It arrived right as I was finishing a massive, dense book on domestic history with lots of footnotes and a tiny font, so foolishly I judged this relatively short book by it's appearance. I figured, ooooh, a clever mystery for sitting outside in the summertime. Maybe some Ruth Rendell vibes with snappier dialogue.
NOPE.
This is a wild story, and you gotta work for it. No half-focussed scanning here, you have to commit to every word on the page or you will be left behind. And even when you are paying attention, you might need to go back and read the same line two or three or eight times to make sure that you aren't having a stroke.
The Empress Murders assumes that you know about topics ranging from jazz standards and ocean liners, flying, WW1 history, linguistics, Dadaism, sake, slurs, seances, grooming relationships, and the topography of both the Midwestern US and the Midlands of the UK. There are so many characters, and they all have multiple nicknames or aliases. There are so many idioms, and I am nearly positive that 70% have never existed before this book. The boat talks to you, the reader, more than once. There are several palpable tone shifts as you get deeper into the story, and it gets surprisingly brutal. After having to read some passages multiple times, I wondered if I was too stupid to continue on, but I powered through.
These all sound like criticisms. They aren't, I loved this book, but it was completely and totally not what I expected. It made me laugh, sometimes out loud, sometimes a morbid chuckle, and sometimes in disbelief. Highly recommended, but holy shit, I don't think I could read this again.
As an aside, this apparently started life as a play. I cannot even imagine how chaotic this would be on stage, when there are times when it seems to overflow the printed pages of a book.
NOPE.
This is a wild story, and you gotta work for it. No half-focussed scanning here, you have to commit to every word on the page or you will be left behind. And even when you are paying attention, you might need to go back and read the same line two or three or eight times to make sure that you aren't having a stroke.
The Empress Murders assumes that you know about topics ranging from jazz standards and ocean liners, flying, WW1 history, linguistics, Dadaism, sake, slurs, seances, grooming relationships, and the topography of both the Midwestern US and the Midlands of the UK. There are so many characters, and they all have multiple nicknames or aliases. There are so many idioms, and I am nearly positive that 70% have never existed before this book. The boat talks to you, the reader, more than once. There are several palpable tone shifts as you get deeper into the story, and it gets surprisingly brutal. After having to read some passages multiple times, I wondered if I was too stupid to continue on, but I powered through.
These all sound like criticisms. They aren't, I loved this book, but it was completely and totally not what I expected. It made me laugh, sometimes out loud, sometimes a morbid chuckle, and sometimes in disbelief. Highly recommended, but holy shit, I don't think I could read this again.
As an aside, this apparently started life as a play. I cannot even imagine how chaotic this would be on stage, when there are times when it seems to overflow the printed pages of a book.
June 18, 2025
This turned out to be less for me than I’d thought. Like No��l Coward, but make it on a ship. With murders. So. Many. Murders. None of the characters were likeable, which was probably not a problem as SPOILER ALERT everybody dies. But how, and by whom keeps you reading through the book - until the murderer is revealed about 75% of the way through.
The highlight was the author’s use of words. Loves a pun, does this guy. Descriptions: superb. (There’s a knock. Acting Second Radio Officer Sugar’s stomach drops so far his rectum bunches up to catch it). (By the time Reverend Thom Daglish was in his early forties he had a body that made people think ‘oh no, something has gone awfully wrong’. Now in his late sixties, he blimps from the waist so obtusely his trousers are custom-made by a factory that actually specialises in zeppelins. Daglish is utterly pear-shaped, like a clown dressed as a vicar. …..Crêpe skin, s corral jowls, whey eyes set in triple bags, dandelion whiff of hair on a scabby scalp.) (No one on this ocean, including, he, has read enough, ever will. He should have read more of the classics. He should have done his Homer work.)
Edit to add: quite a bit of casual racism, and the era-specific class divide.
The highlight was the author’s use of words. Loves a pun, does this guy. Descriptions: superb. (There’s a knock. Acting Second Radio Officer Sugar’s stomach drops so far his rectum bunches up to catch it). (By the time Reverend Thom Daglish was in his early forties he had a body that made people think ‘oh no, something has gone awfully wrong’. Now in his late sixties, he blimps from the waist so obtusely his trousers are custom-made by a factory that actually specialises in zeppelins. Daglish is utterly pear-shaped, like a clown dressed as a vicar. …..Crêpe skin, s corral jowls, whey eyes set in triple bags, dandelion whiff of hair on a scabby scalp.) (No one on this ocean, including, he, has read enough, ever will. He should have read more of the classics. He should have done his Homer work.)
Edit to add: quite a bit of casual racism, and the era-specific class divide.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 10, 2025
What the frigging hell did I just read? This is one of the few things I've ever hate finished. I just needed to get to the end to see if it got better (spoiler: it did not)
Anyways, it's the story of an ocean liner heading from the UK to the US in the 1920s and it's discovered that a London serial killer is on board and they go on a killing spree. Also, for some reason, part of the story is told from the perspective of the ship...but not just any ship, the "concept" of ship (aka if someone floated on a piece of bark in the ocean, the concept of ship knew about it).
The good: things moved quickly. I liked that there were little stories of random ship passengers.
The bad: absolutely everything else. The prose is overly complicated. Too much description for some things and too little for others. It was pretty obvious who the killer was, even for me who never gets it. The ending. Every character sucked.
I rarely say this, but I cannot think of anyone in my life I would recommend this to.
Anyways, it's the story of an ocean liner heading from the UK to the US in the 1920s and it's discovered that a London serial killer is on board and they go on a killing spree. Also, for some reason, part of the story is told from the perspective of the ship...but not just any ship, the "concept" of ship (aka if someone floated on a piece of bark in the ocean, the concept of ship knew about it).
The good: things moved quickly. I liked that there were little stories of random ship passengers.
The bad: absolutely everything else. The prose is overly complicated. Too much description for some things and too little for others. It was pretty obvious who the killer was, even for me who never gets it. The ending. Every character sucked.
I rarely say this, but I cannot think of anyone in my life I would recommend this to.
September 25, 2025
When I borrowed this book from the library there was a pencil note on the first page stating “This book is unreadable!” Regretfully, I must concur with that assessment. I am 1/3 in and not prepared to continue reading this just for the purpose of giving a more comprehensive negative review. The book is not only boring, but insufferable—it has pretensions of intellect and wit that are not borne out. Sort of a hack version of Agatha Christie mystery spliced with the sparkling and witty dialogue of something like Evelyn Waugh (which needless to say is unsuccessful) in a jazz age interwar story which is partly narrated by the ship itself and seeks to introduce contemporary (“woke”?) themes to boot. Tedious.
Overall: not recommended.
Overall: not recommended.
June 26, 2025
It was an interesting set up. For my tastes it leant too far into the lingo, was hard to follow in parts.
Read
June 28, 2025Wut
June 11, 2025
DNF
Unfortunately, I struggled with this one a lot. I felt there was a lot of unnecessary filler information, which made this book drag out. At times I got confused about who was who, and I didn’t really connect to the story or the characters. The premise sounded good, and I liked the idea of a small-town whodunit story; however, this wasn’t for me.
Rating:
🌟
Unfortunately, I struggled with this one a lot. I felt there was a lot of unnecessary filler information, which made this book drag out. At times I got confused about who was who, and I didn’t really connect to the story or the characters. The premise sounded good, and I liked the idea of a small-town whodunit story; however, this wasn’t for me.
Rating:
🌟
August 16, 2025
Written with irresistible brio from the point of view of the ship, this murder mystery at sea exudes energy and visceral imagery. At times the writing is so conspicuous, you come out of the story to admire a turn of phrase or the author’s remarkable vocabulary.
July 5, 2025
I expect a lot of people won't enjoy this book, which is an incredible shame because I found it fascinating.
Like myself, many will go into it expecting to read a classic Poirot-style historical murder mystery – and it does start that way – but you'll soon notice that Schmitz has no interest in trotting out another Death on the Nile.
Instead, if you go into this book with a curiosity around how far the threads that make up a classic murder mystery can be stretched, I think you'll get a lot more from it.
Ask yourself why do we read Agatha Christie-style murder mysteries? What do we want and expect from them? Because this starts off in familiar waters with a cast of characters trapped on a ship, interwar period class structures in play clashing with new world money and attitudes, and a detective on the hunt as people start getting murdered. Schmitz offers all of that in spades, and is very funny on top of it, but as the narrative unfolds he starts to push against those boundaries.
For me, this is why I found The Empress Murders so interesting because Schmitz takes all of the ingredients of a classic murder mystery and then starts playing around with them. The ship itself (or the idea of water transport as it evolves across time?) will comment on what's happening, we'll be given far more characters and more in-depth backstories than you expect, and conversations turn into confusing crossfires of slang and jumbled snippets where you won't be sure who is speaking.
Interestingly, you'll be given a lot of information, but there isn't a tidy set of clues for a smart reader to pick up on and there's no final denouement by the detective as everybody gathers in the billiard room.
I expect this will annoy some readers who like that structure.
However, for me, that made the plot even more interesting because I couldn't tell where it was going to go. By the end it's no longer a murder mystery – it's a horror story. The murders are vicious, spectacular and far more horribly detailed than you would ever get in Poirot.
As more and more people are killed, the narrative itself gets increasingly confusing as names jumble together, people are rushing around all over the ship, psyches are unravelling and command structures start to break down. There's a grip of hysteria that heaves the plot down a very different path from what you would expect.
Ultimately, for me, the point isn't to figure out who the murderer is – it's to take your preconceptions of what should happen in a classic historical murder mystery and push out beyond those well-used guard rails.
Like myself, many will go into it expecting to read a classic Poirot-style historical murder mystery – and it does start that way – but you'll soon notice that Schmitz has no interest in trotting out another Death on the Nile.
Instead, if you go into this book with a curiosity around how far the threads that make up a classic murder mystery can be stretched, I think you'll get a lot more from it.
Ask yourself why do we read Agatha Christie-style murder mysteries? What do we want and expect from them? Because this starts off in familiar waters with a cast of characters trapped on a ship, interwar period class structures in play clashing with new world money and attitudes, and a detective on the hunt as people start getting murdered. Schmitz offers all of that in spades, and is very funny on top of it, but as the narrative unfolds he starts to push against those boundaries.
For me, this is why I found The Empress Murders so interesting because Schmitz takes all of the ingredients of a classic murder mystery and then starts playing around with them. The ship itself (or the idea of water transport as it evolves across time?) will comment on what's happening, we'll be given far more characters and more in-depth backstories than you expect, and conversations turn into confusing crossfires of slang and jumbled snippets where you won't be sure who is speaking.
Interestingly, you'll be given a lot of information, but there isn't a tidy set of clues for a smart reader to pick up on and there's no final denouement by the detective as everybody gathers in the billiard room.
I expect this will annoy some readers who like that structure.
However, for me, that made the plot even more interesting because I couldn't tell where it was going to go. By the end it's no longer a murder mystery – it's a horror story. The murders are vicious, spectacular and far more horribly detailed than you would ever get in Poirot.
As more and more people are killed, the narrative itself gets increasingly confusing as names jumble together, people are rushing around all over the ship, psyches are unravelling and command structures start to break down. There's a grip of hysteria that heaves the plot down a very different path from what you would expect.
Ultimately, for me, the point isn't to figure out who the murderer is – it's to take your preconceptions of what should happen in a classic historical murder mystery and push out beyond those well-used guard rails.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
December 2, 2025
The Empress of Australia is a passenger ship that sails between London and New York in 1925. The passengers are a diverse group of characters, each with their own hidden agendas. During the voyage, a gruesome murder takes place. The frustrated and desperate detective on board is tasked with finding the culprit, but he faces a challenging dilemma: the passengers are being killed off more quickly than he can interview them.
Well, I'll be damned. I was surprised by my reaction while reading this book. Initially, I agreed with many other reviewers who felt that the language was unnecessary. The author includes a note at the beginning, explaining that they chose to write the novel in the language that would have been used during that time period. Given that it was published this year, I often found the language uncomfortable, and at times, I struggled to understand what was being conveyed. Additionally, there was an entire page dedicated to a letter written in French, which I unfortunately cannot read or speak. Perhaps that was included to encourage readers to explore on their own.
That being said, this book turned out to be a real page-turner. I became very invested in the story. Although there were many characters, which made it hard to remember them all, it became easier as some of them got eliminated, though that’s a terrible thing to say. I was surprised by how gruesome the story was. It was much more intense than I expected. I appreciated that we learned who the murderer was when we did. I was initially taken aback by how early the reveal happened, but it actually helped propel the story forward.
Well, I'll be damned. I was surprised by my reaction while reading this book. Initially, I agreed with many other reviewers who felt that the language was unnecessary. The author includes a note at the beginning, explaining that they chose to write the novel in the language that would have been used during that time period. Given that it was published this year, I often found the language uncomfortable, and at times, I struggled to understand what was being conveyed. Additionally, there was an entire page dedicated to a letter written in French, which I unfortunately cannot read or speak. Perhaps that was included to encourage readers to explore on their own.
That being said, this book turned out to be a real page-turner. I became very invested in the story. Although there were many characters, which made it hard to remember them all, it became easier as some of them got eliminated, though that’s a terrible thing to say. I was surprised by how gruesome the story was. It was much more intense than I expected. I appreciated that we learned who the murderer was when we did. I was initially taken aback by how early the reveal happened, but it actually helped propel the story forward.
August 21, 2025
The way the book starts, aboard a steamship crossing the Atlantic, was what first attracted me to it. Very promising start reminiscent of the classical great whodunits, but nothing of the sugary sweet air of cosy mysteries.
The large number of characters are described in great detail and each of them has a rich backstory. The descriptions of the atrocities during WWI are vividly depicted and make you feel as if you're in the middle of the action.
What makes the book very hard to read is the language, with plenty of Australian/NZ slang, which requires a serious effort on the part of the reader (and internet access to look up the expressions).
The writer also wants to use French, but this has clearly not been edited well, leaving errors (dépond instead of dépend, tiens ma mains instead of mes mains/ma main). And typically, for an author who clearly does not speak the language, he has the Frenchman Foveaux search for the English word "butcher". Guess what? It's "boucher" in French! Annoying.
However, the further I read, the less I was in love with the story. The book is described as a razor-sharp whodunit; while it may (literally) be razor-sharp, it does not work as a whodunit. Suddenly the murderer is unveiled without much ado and from there on the story, together with the ship, hurtles to its inevitable and predictable conclusion. To me, it felt as though the author was tired of it all and didn't know what to do with all the people left alive, so resorted to a Shakespearian ending. All in all, it left me disappointed.
The large number of characters are described in great detail and each of them has a rich backstory. The descriptions of the atrocities during WWI are vividly depicted and make you feel as if you're in the middle of the action.
What makes the book very hard to read is the language, with plenty of Australian/NZ slang, which requires a serious effort on the part of the reader (and internet access to look up the expressions).
The writer also wants to use French, but this has clearly not been edited well, leaving errors (dépond instead of dépend, tiens ma mains instead of mes mains/ma main). And typically, for an author who clearly does not speak the language, he has the Frenchman Foveaux search for the English word "butcher". Guess what? It's "boucher" in French! Annoying.
However, the further I read, the less I was in love with the story. The book is described as a razor-sharp whodunit; while it may (literally) be razor-sharp, it does not work as a whodunit. Suddenly the murderer is unveiled without much ado and from there on the story, together with the ship, hurtles to its inevitable and predictable conclusion. To me, it felt as though the author was tired of it all and didn't know what to do with all the people left alive, so resorted to a Shakespearian ending. All in all, it left me disappointed.
July 24, 2025
Borrowed this as an audiobook on a whim without knowing what I was getting into at all.
I think I thought I was getting a murder mystery reminiscent of The Orient Express, what I got was:
#Gratuitous violence
#body horror
#child murder
#idiotic, pompous toffs
There’s no real case solving here, no detective work employed, no red herrings. It’s obvious who your killer is fairly early on. This ain’t about the hunt, it’s about the hunting. It’s about a creative, terrifying format to explore the impacts of war, how people are sometimes complex and sometimes as shallow as they seem and how some are just plain off their rockers.
How this book manages to pull off charming and horrifying I will never know. Perhaps it’s the way it’s narrated by the ship itself and the deaths are shockingly numerous and boldly, sickeningly descriptive with a side of… was that satire?
As an audiobook Jennifer Vuletic knocks it out of the park, with solid accents and an ability to switch between the full array of male and female characters so effectively you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a full cast production. Jennifer assists in keeping track of each character though this is still a tricky task which so many, I ended up just going along with it and probably only knew what was happening roughly 50% of the time.
Almost nobody is likeable save Palmer and maybe Bang?
3 stars for me. Could be higher if this was a genre I was into.
I think I thought I was getting a murder mystery reminiscent of The Orient Express, what I got was:
#Gratuitous violence
#body horror
#child murder
#idiotic, pompous toffs
There’s no real case solving here, no detective work employed, no red herrings. It’s obvious who your killer is fairly early on. This ain’t about the hunt, it’s about the hunting. It’s about a creative, terrifying format to explore the impacts of war, how people are sometimes complex and sometimes as shallow as they seem and how some are just plain off their rockers.
How this book manages to pull off charming and horrifying I will never know. Perhaps it’s the way it’s narrated by the ship itself and the deaths are shockingly numerous and boldly, sickeningly descriptive with a side of… was that satire?
As an audiobook Jennifer Vuletic knocks it out of the park, with solid accents and an ability to switch between the full array of male and female characters so effectively you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a full cast production. Jennifer assists in keeping track of each character though this is still a tricky task which so many, I ended up just going along with it and probably only knew what was happening roughly 50% of the time.
Almost nobody is likeable save Palmer and maybe Bang?
3 stars for me. Could be higher if this was a genre I was into.
June 28, 2025
I've watched Toby Schmitz on stage so many times (and a couple of times on the small screen) that I was intrigued about this debut novel which the SMH called a "bonkers crime caper".
Bonkers it sure is.
There are so many characters that it can be difficult to get into this novel. On the audio version I found myself continually going back chapters as I couldn't work out what was going on (on more than one occasion). Once you start to get the main characters straight you are then unexpectedly thrown from what felt like an Agatha Christie locked-door mystery into a horror/slasher novel, albeit set in 1925.
There is a lot going on. Themes of class, privilege, colonisation, race and the impact of WWI.
Then you have the writing style which is what actually held me through the book because Schmitz's choice of words and turns of phrases are just so unique. But also so unique that it is easy to miss what just happened. A 'Liverpool Kiss', for example, I discovered is a headbutt. Schmitz has also chosen to use the language of the time (which is in a disclaimer at the start) so be prepared for racist language that you may find jarring.
Overall I think this was probably a clever, and at times very funny, book. But you just feel so lost so often. If there had been a little more mystery and a little less slasher I probably would have given it 4 stars.
Bonkers it sure is.
There are so many characters that it can be difficult to get into this novel. On the audio version I found myself continually going back chapters as I couldn't work out what was going on (on more than one occasion). Once you start to get the main characters straight you are then unexpectedly thrown from what felt like an Agatha Christie locked-door mystery into a horror/slasher novel, albeit set in 1925.
There is a lot going on. Themes of class, privilege, colonisation, race and the impact of WWI.
Then you have the writing style which is what actually held me through the book because Schmitz's choice of words and turns of phrases are just so unique. But also so unique that it is easy to miss what just happened. A 'Liverpool Kiss', for example, I discovered is a headbutt. Schmitz has also chosen to use the language of the time (which is in a disclaimer at the start) so be prepared for racist language that you may find jarring.
Overall I think this was probably a clever, and at times very funny, book. But you just feel so lost so often. If there had been a little more mystery and a little less slasher I probably would have given it 4 stars.
August 23, 2025
Well I got duped. Expected an exciting detective fiction set in a ship, but instead I got... this. The prose, the writing, are technically excellent, but in many parts, it's just too much. The narrative just zips up and down, back to front, without giving you a chance to breathe. Often I have to sit down and read a passage one or three more times to understand what's going on. Definitely not the Agathe Christie-style detective novels where yes you have the thrills, but you also understand where you are. There are just a lot of passages here that are overwritten, as if the author is peacocking just how much he can do.
The sort of irreverent style also makes story elements that are supposed to have pathos just fall flat. Despite the book claiming to tear open the dark underbelly of the Empire, there's no gravity at all in the narration, everything just wooshes past you like a gust of wind. No sense of atmosphere, no sense of terror, only the grotesque. And the book did one of the grossest sins that a detective novel can commit, which is revealing the killer through happenstance and internal revelation rather than deduction. This is a technically well-written novel, but not a detective novel.
The sort of irreverent style also makes story elements that are supposed to have pathos just fall flat. Despite the book claiming to tear open the dark underbelly of the Empire, there's no gravity at all in the narration, everything just wooshes past you like a gust of wind. No sense of atmosphere, no sense of terror, only the grotesque. And the book did one of the grossest sins that a detective novel can commit, which is revealing the killer through happenstance and internal revelation rather than deduction. This is a technically well-written novel, but not a detective novel.
October 25, 2025
The Empress Murders was a really fun and surprisingly witty read. From the very start, it had that classic, slightly chaotic energy that reminded me so much of Fawlty Towers. The eccentric characters, quick-fire dialogue, and farcical humour made every scene entertaining and unpredictable.
I did find the number of characters a little hard to follow at times. There is a lot happening, and occasionally I had to pause to remember who was who. Once I settled into the rhythm though, it became part of the charm. It felt like being dropped into a bustling hotel full of mayhem, secrets, and perfectly timed misunderstandings.
I also thought it was such a clever choice to have the ship itself narrate the story. It gave the book a unique tone and perspective, and added to the sense of theatrical chaos that runs through the whole thing.
The audiobook was definitely a highlight for me. The narration brought the story and characters to life in such a vivid way. It added a theatrical quality that suited the story perfectly.
Overall, this was a clever, chaotic, and entertaining mystery that never took itself too seriously. If you enjoy eccentric people, sharp humour, and a touch of madness in your mysteries, this one is well worth a listen.
I did find the number of characters a little hard to follow at times. There is a lot happening, and occasionally I had to pause to remember who was who. Once I settled into the rhythm though, it became part of the charm. It felt like being dropped into a bustling hotel full of mayhem, secrets, and perfectly timed misunderstandings.
I also thought it was such a clever choice to have the ship itself narrate the story. It gave the book a unique tone and perspective, and added to the sense of theatrical chaos that runs through the whole thing.
The audiobook was definitely a highlight for me. The narration brought the story and characters to life in such a vivid way. It added a theatrical quality that suited the story perfectly.
Overall, this was a clever, chaotic, and entertaining mystery that never took itself too seriously. If you enjoy eccentric people, sharp humour, and a touch of madness in your mysteries, this one is well worth a listen.
Read
July 13, 2025You should definitely believe the cover when it states "Prepare for a rough crossing".
So, I can't complain that I wasn't warned!
This is definitely "both a witty and blood thirsty whodunnit".
It's very hard to describe but for me it concerns many unlikeable characters, the damage caused to soldiers by the first world war (both mentally and physically) the British class system and a series of gruesome murders. A quirk I did like is it starts and finishes with the ship's perspective on what's going on. The ship also appears occasionally as a sort of sane narrator.
It is not the sort of book I would normally read but it is well written and I felt compelled to finish it - and I'm glad I did, but it is hard to recommend it, but then also easy to recommend it for its uniqueness.
I can't rate it right now.
So, I can't complain that I wasn't warned!
This is definitely "both a witty and blood thirsty whodunnit".
It's very hard to describe but for me it concerns many unlikeable characters, the damage caused to soldiers by the first world war (both mentally and physically) the British class system and a series of gruesome murders. A quirk I did like is it starts and finishes with the ship's perspective on what's going on. The ship also appears occasionally as a sort of sane narrator.
It is not the sort of book I would normally read but it is well written and I felt compelled to finish it - and I'm glad I did, but it is hard to recommend it, but then also easy to recommend it for its uniqueness.
I can't rate it right now.
July 16, 2025
A tantalising Christie-esque debut novel, The Empress Murders (2025) by Toby Schmitz is a murder mystery set on an ocean liner. A passenger ship in 1925, the Empress of Australia is crossing the Atlantic, when a murdered stoker is discovered below deck. Detective Daniels is on board to investigate, as all passengers and crew are suspects, including those in first class berths. Supposedly a cosy mystery, the ship itself is the narrator as the body count rises. Each chapter focuses on a different character, each somewhat one dimensional and seemingly as page fillers. It has a rather violent twist, and the story fails to offer any real enjoyment. Overall, it’s a singularly despondent reading experience and a rarely given, did not finish one star read rating. As always, the opinions herein are totally my own, freely given and without any inducement.
Read
July 4, 2025I checked this out because Stephen Fry said he was reading it in a recent interview. While I liked the implicit critique of empire (unusual for a mystery) it was so graphic that I felt it was something beyond the puzzle book genre, a revelry in violence and death that implicated me simply by being a reader. Perhaps that was the point.
The conceit of the omniscient boat as an evolving, sentient concept was a bit under baked.
And as other readers have noted, the use of language seemed to be deliberately difficult to parse, with a lot of obscure slang. Again, this could be part of the meta-narrative critique but the experience was jarring.
Overall, I can't really recommend unless you have a strong stomach and enjoy finding new ways to be freaked out.
The conceit of the omniscient boat as an evolving, sentient concept was a bit under baked.
And as other readers have noted, the use of language seemed to be deliberately difficult to parse, with a lot of obscure slang. Again, this could be part of the meta-narrative critique but the experience was jarring.
Overall, I can't really recommend unless you have a strong stomach and enjoy finding new ways to be freaked out.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 16, 2025
A tedious, tedious book. It is set on an Atlantic crossing of the ship, the Empress of Australia, with some chapters being narrated by the ship! For others there is a picaresque cast of characters, like something out of Dickens. These all get given colourful characteristics and back and side stories, and with so many of them that they are just about impossible to keep in mind (even despite the author apparently realizing this and recapping who is who in one chapter!). On top of that there is a staccato style with lots of short and indirect sentences and period jargon, interleaved with witty polished acerbic observations that might be ok in a different book, and then a serial killer story full of blood and gore. It was horrible and I regret even starting it.
December 16, 2025
Very odd book and very difficult to rate. I nearly gave up after a few chapters but stayed with it. I’m glad I did, even though it’s ultimately not for me.
I liked the idea of exploring the horror of WWI and colonialism through a period murder mystery.
Lots of casual gore - which I guess is the point - but I find that very difficult to read.
I didn’t find the humour (especially about the gore) funny.
The ship being the narrator and the unusual prose style were interesting but didn’t quite land for me, they got in the way and didn’t feel completely integrated - for instance the ship doesn’t comment at all when things happen to it (eg weather or damage). And there seemed to be some symbolism about the idea but this wasn’t clear enough for me.
Five stars for that cover though!
I liked the idea of exploring the horror of WWI and colonialism through a period murder mystery.
Lots of casual gore - which I guess is the point - but I find that very difficult to read.
I didn’t find the humour (especially about the gore) funny.
The ship being the narrator and the unusual prose style were interesting but didn’t quite land for me, they got in the way and didn’t feel completely integrated - for instance the ship doesn’t comment at all when things happen to it (eg weather or damage). And there seemed to be some symbolism about the idea but this wasn’t clear enough for me.
Five stars for that cover though!
July 5, 2025
*DNF at around halfway mark*
I understand why some readers loved this - it's moody, literary, a bit avant garde, stylistically quite interesting - but I just really, really didn't click with it. I found the characters universally repellent and the plot dull as ditchwater. Yes, the author's great at description (that's in fact why I pressed on as far as I did, some of the descriptive language was wonderful, is responsible for all of the 2 stars I gave) but it was not enough to save this one for me or induce me to finish it.
I understand why some readers loved this - it's moody, literary, a bit avant garde, stylistically quite interesting - but I just really, really didn't click with it. I found the characters universally repellent and the plot dull as ditchwater. Yes, the author's great at description (that's in fact why I pressed on as far as I did, some of the descriptive language was wonderful, is responsible for all of the 2 stars I gave) but it was not enough to save this one for me or induce me to finish it.
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