Why Do I Keep Doing This?: Unlearn the Habits Keeping You Stuck and Unhappy

by Kati Morton

Leading mental health advocate and licensed marriage and family therapist, Kati Morton, explores our common struggle and contradiction with control in ourselves and relationships, giving listeners the ability to not only ask themselves why do I keep doing this , but have the insight to find a real answer.

Many of us were told to stuff our feelings down when we were younger. We were taught that that our emotional reactions and responses should be controlled so we didn’t embarrass or upset our parents and those around us. However, if that control oozes over into our relationships it’s considered a bad thing. Controlling our friends or romantic partners is seen as toxic. Control is a precarious thing. Some sides of control are meant to keep us safe, while others harm connections. So, what are we supposed to do?

In Why Do I Keep Doing This? licensed family and marriage therapist, Kati Morton, explores this common struggle and contradiction with control. Kati shows how our upbringing and anxiety are often connected to our struggle to take up space. We can feel like we are too much by just existing in the same place as someone else, or that we are less deserving of their time and care. This struggle with asserting ourselves, or taking what we require can harm our development. We sometimes think the only way to feel okay and get what we need is to please everyone else first. Why Do I Keep Doing This? is a vital tool in helping us understand why control can be so attractive, but if left unmonitored can become detrimental to our lives. We all go through tough times and face uncertain futures, and we do what we can to cope, but as we get older and in an attempt to get wiser, we have to notice what behaviors are holding us back and change them.

Why Do I Keep Doing This? will shed light on shared struggles as readers follow Kati through some key points of growth in her own life while incorporating what she has learned as a therapist and content creator who knows how to create lasting healthy change. This book will give readers the ability to not only ask themselves why do I keep doing this? but also have the insight to find a real answer.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook

256 pages, Hardcover

Published December 9, 2025

About the author

Kati Morton is widely recognized as a leading mental health advocate and educator. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology from Pepperdine University. For over a decade, Kati has been using social media to share mental health information globally through her YouTube channel, which has amassed over 1.3 million subscribers and 124 million views. She is also a sought-after media personality, having made appearances on Dr. Phil, CBS The Doctors, KTLA's Morning News, E! News, Fox 11 Good Day LA, and featured in Glamour UK magazine. Her first book, "Are u ok?: A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health," was released in December 2018, followed by her latest book, "Traumatized: Identify, Understand and Cope With PTSD and Emotional Stress," which was released in September 2021.

Kati's passion for mental health advocacy has helped her expand her online community to all major internet platforms, enabling her to respond to mental health questions from viewers worldwide. Her ultimate goal is to increase global awareness of mental health issues, improve access to mental health services, and reduce the stigma surrounding mental illness. For more information about Kati and her work, please visit www.katimorton.com

Reviews

[Alex Smith]

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[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS? UNLEARN THE HABITS KEEPING YOU STUCK AND UNHAPPY
BY: KATI MORTON LMFT

I don't know if this was a matter of bad timing because I did experience a stressful week while reading this, and that might have kept me from enjoying this Non Fiction, Self Development book called, "WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS? I actually like psychology books that are more Scientifically based. I have a background in Psychology, but I like to keep up to date with different modalities, and I read Scientific journals. This took me longer to read than usual, and the content was either not as deep as I like which I did rate it four stars since at around 72% was when I discovered the last two sections more engaging and that raised my rating.

The Author, KATI MORTON LMFT did have an extremely pleasant conversational tone, and voice that felt extremely compassionate, and conversational. She includes vignettes from her community, which she also provided questions at the end of each section or Chapter. Throughout the entire book she claimed to be a huge proponent of Journaling which is something that I used to do, but haven't in the last several years. She spoke about how helpful it is for her so much, that I hope to start doing that to gain clarity.

We are biologically wired for connection, and I love how she included a vast multitude of ways for enriching our connections, by utilizing our passion for revisiting our passions for hobbies we enjoy. I can get so caught up in reading that I have less time for that. I appreciated Kati's idea of taking my work to a favorite coffee shop, and I can think of a Starbucks, about 15 or 29 minutes away by car drive where that used to be busy. I love that idea where I could get a pastry or some other form of sweet home made sweet treat, and I can bring my Kindle, and/or Laptop while sitting inside especially since the Winter months are starting today. I love to do Diamond Art and I haven't been to a Women's craft group that meets in my Local Library, also there are Book Clubs that have various genres that meet once per month with about 20 members. I wanted to try the Literary Fiction and the Mystery, and I think they have one more Romance, that definitely wouldn't be for me.

I loved the Brene Brown quote she excerpted having to do with this second to last section that went something like this: "We can choose courage, or we can choose comfort, but we can't have both. Not at the same time."

Publication Date: December, December 9, 2025

Thank you to Net Galley, Kati Morton, and Grand Central Publishing/Balance for generously providing me with my ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own, as always.

#WhyDoIKeepDoingThis #KatieMorton #GrandCentralPublishing #Balance #NetGalley

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

As stated in the description, “this book will give readers the ability to not only ask themselves why do I keep doing this? but also have the insight to find a real answer.”

I befriended Kati on Instagram & each time she posts a video I feel like she is talking directly to me, like she is reading my mind on what I need to hear that particular day. She is honest & has a gentle way of expressing herself where you want to listen & learn & do. This book will be one I refer to over & over again.

I love the exercise questions & control challenges at the end of each chapter. The questions are helpful in summing up the chapters & forces you to be honest with yourself. The challenges are oh so challenging! Gonna take some time to put those into practice!

This is not just a self development book, it is also Katie sharing her journey with us. She puts herself out there so we can understand & learn that changes for better in our life can happen.

Kaiti: Thank you for writing this book.

Favorite Lines:
“Control is a precarious thing. It keeps us safe and in line, but it can also be the very thing that breaks us.”

“We can learn from the past, respect it for what it was, and choose to do it differently tomorrow.”

[Helen Wu ✨ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why Do I Keep Doing This? by Kati Morton explores how family dynamics and deep-rooted anxiety shape the ways we control, shrink, or disconnect from ourselves. Each chapter focuses on a different response, such as perfectionism, people-pleasing, feeling “too much,” numbing out, avoiding strong emotions, and even depression or feeling stuck. I especially appreciate the “control exercises” in each section, which offer practical strategies for managing anger, letting go of perfectionism, and setting healthier boundaries.

I’ve been working on understanding my people-pleasing tendencies and learned that “Fawn” is actually a trauma response. Reading insights from a licensed therapist feels validating, but I also want to acknowledge that the reflections are heavy. They reminded me how much of my own childhood trauma I’ve yet to fully process.

This is a great tool book for understanding emotions and trauma responses, but you need to choose the right time to read and absorb it since the work can be emotionally taxing.

Thank you NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for the ARC.

[Karen B · Rating 5 out of 5]

Boy, do I feel seen. Some great advice in this non-fiction, self-help book written by a licensed marriage and family therapist. The blurb is true to the content, exploring the “common struggle and contradiction with control in ourselves and relationships” and helps to find resolution of each scenario addressed with the important question of “why do I keep doing this?” For instance, how many times do you say “I’m sorry” in a day you really aren’t at fault for anything?!
I was able to toggle back and forth from the ebook and audio, which was narrated by the author. You could hear the passion of the subject matter in her voice, yet remained calm in her pacing for an enjoyable experience.
Thanks to the publisher GCP Balance for the gifted eARC and Hachette Audio for the ALC.

[Brijeet · Rating 4 out of 5]

In "Why Do I Keep Doing This?", Morton takes the reader through 11 reflection exercises to develop greater insight into relatable emotional and relationship challenges, such as 'Fitting In and Feeling Left Out' or 'Perfectionism and Feeling Like You're Not Enough'. Each topic includes a section on 'where does this feeling come from?' that details possible childhood/developmental origins of the pattern, as well as vignettes illustrating how the struggle can look. The section then ends with "why do I keep doing this?", a series of thoughtful reflection questions to identify how the pattern shows up for you.

As a workbook this could be a great tool for someone to do processing either independently or in conjunction with therapy. Keep in mind that the questions hit at sensitive areas e.g. connecting current struggles to aspects of childhood/family dynamics, so the reader will want to emotionally pace themselves.

Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for the e-ARC.

[LauraS · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bought this because I keep buying self-help books about breaking unhelpful patterns, which is itself a pattern Morton would probably have thoughts about.

She's a therapist with a big YouTube following, and it reads like that: warm, accessible, occasionally drifting into that soothing-but-vague register where sentences sound profound until you try to repeat them at dinner. Some genuinely useful stuff about control and people-pleasing. Some sentences that could be cross-stitched onto a pillow.

Did I finish it? Yes. Will I remember it in six months? Ask me in six months.

[Krishna Bhatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Test

[Gabi Wagner · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 ⭐️ I liked it but it wasn’t super remarkable

[Airakey Hieraarchy]

nice book