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352 pages, Hardcover
First published April 7, 2026
[…] at this distance even a muddied reflection of home felt like comfort.
“John. What you want can’t be.”
”Oh,” he said; and something in him that had hoped despite all reason—some bird-shaped brightness lying at the center of his chest—curled up its many legs, shed its clear wings, became compact and heavy as stone.
I wonder if it’s even possible to truly want to become alien, or if we can only imagine ourselves as some humanized version of them. If it is possible, then I was not up to the task.
It isn’t selfish to insist on being allowed a life.
He wanted to say more, but he knew he had argued far too much already. He had received a clear refusal; he should have accepted it at once. And as much as he felt wounded by Sudharma’s lack of trust, he knew that he had wronged him too. He had acted as if love could justify making demands on the one that he loved. That was part of the ideology of marrying people, he realized. Living surrounded by them had corrupted him. He had held the door fast against marriage, but it had slipped in through a window.
“Interesting,” they said. “But that’s an explanation. What’s the reason?”
“Desire should be free,” he said. And then considering their nature and their situation, he added, “I don’t mean only sexual desire. We shouldn’t seek to bind each other, or ourselves, in any way. It’s an absurdity to swear to love forever—no one can promise such a thing. And even if love does persist, you are still likely to regret committing yourself to a roommate you can’t get rid of and a job you’re not allowed to quit.”
“Of course one sees that it is often so, but even on Zandahe not every marriage is the same. Those who are prudent find someone who wants the same things they do, and together the two make of marriage whatever they need it to be. Even you might manage that, with the right woman. You could have sewing by the fire and game-playing on the floor, even if you won’t believe it’s a real family.”
“If I did that,” he said, “who would I be then?”
“Oh, well, if that’s the worm that’s boring into you, then forget I said anything.”
“No—no gene we know of can do that. Rather, it makes your connection with your body more immediate and more intense. It might increase your precision and joy in movement. It might make someone a better dancer, a more accurate archer, a more fluent swimmer. But for those who have a memory, the wrongness of the body is felt more keenly too—and they seek out the braid for relief. Whereas those who are more able to disengage from their bodies may repress what they feel. Then they walk around numb and disconnected and less than they could be, and might never even know why, if they had no role models to learn from. Those whose fire burns brightest have a difficult path to walk, but they light the way for others. And I believe, no matter how hard this colony may fall, that way leads back to a world of hormone injections and memory clinics, in which the gene increases jesses’ joy in their changed bodies, and in which some of us are great dancers too.”
“It’s not a price. It’s what I came here hoping to do.”
“You’ll become another person.”
“I will change, as everyone changes throughout life. We change when we learn new things, when we meet new people, when we move to a new place.”
“This is different.”
“It’s certainly more sudden.”
“How long?”
“I hope to have the program ready within a month.”
Only a month left, to live with the man he had fallen in love with. A month until Sudharma went away, and John had to nurse the stranger in his body back to health. There was nothing he could do or say, no point in trying to argue.
“I will be ready.”
From Cameron Reed, the acclaimed author of The Fortunate Fall, comes a soaring novel of queer hope and transformation, perfect for readers of Ann Leckie and Amal El-Mohtar.
On the planet Scythia, plants give birth to insects and trees can drag you to your death. Artificial monsters stalk the desert, and alien basket-men have wandered into town.
John Maraintha has been abandoned here, light-years from the peaceful forests that he loves.
The desert is harsh and the people in thrall to a barbaric custom called marriage.
He must find some way to make a life here.
But on Scythia, survival means transformation—and not everyone is willing to change.