This Messy, Gorgeous Love: A Buddhist Guide to Lasting Partnership

by Nico Hase, Devon Hase

A candid Buddhist guide to thriving in messy, real-world love.

Partnership is rough. In This Messy, Gorgeous Love, married Buddhist teachers nico and devon hase help readers thrive in long-term relationships, well after the honeymoon shine has faded. This nuts-and-bolts guide offers a pathway to deep intimacy in the real world, where partnership is difficult but genuinely worth it.

“If you're struggling, you can use that struggle to open your heart and connect with your partner,” write nico and devon in this refreshingly candid guide. Through heartfelt guidance—complete with practices, exercises, and reflections—readers will learn

• Face relationship challenges with presence instead of perfectionism
• Develop meditative skills to hold emotions with awareness
• Communicate effectively during inevitable ups and downs
• Get real without losing connection
• Find each other again and again

Instead of chasing an idealized relationship, “fixing” their partner, or losing themselves, readers will discover how their current committed relationship can become a vehicle for opening their heart, clarifying their mind, and awakening to deeper truths. This book isn't about everlasting happiness—it’s about building something even a partnership where you can be happy in love, thrive in conflict, and have honest fun together, all while embracing the beautiful mess that makes your connection uniquely yours.

Genres: Relationships, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Psychology

224 pages, Paperback

Published April 14, 2026

Reviews

[Sophia Porter · Rating 5 out of 5]

What I appreciated most about this book is its epistemic humility. It doesn’t claim that mindfulness will make your relationship easy — it suggests that ease was never the point. Working through difficulty, the book argues, is often what gives a partnership its shape and meaning in the first place.

The prose is warm, often funny, and generous with the authors’ own missteps. They write from inside the argument rather than above it — the kitchen disagreement, the petty resentment, the moment you catch yourself trying, again, to fix the person you love. There are practices and exercises throughout, but nothing lands as prescriptive. It reads more like a long conversation with two people who have thought deeply about being in relationship.

If you’re in a long-term partnership or you have a meditation practice and find yourself wondering how to carry it off the cushion, this book is worth your time. It doesn’t promise a transformed relationship. It offers something harder and more useful — a way of being present in the one you actually have.

[Literary Redhead · Rating 4 out of 5]

Offers loads of helpful tips from a Buddhist perspective to strengthen marriage. Recommended!

Thanks to the authors, publisher, and NetGalley for the ARC. Opinions are mine.

[Malory Smithson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was pretty good and I enjoyed the exercises well enough. The tone was pleasant and it was easy to read. It didn’t keep my attention super well all of the time, but I am still glad that I read it. I am definitely trying to work on deep listening after reading this. It was nice to go between the two perspectives of the couple. I think this book does have a good thing to offer to the world and to couples even if it seems a little pseudo intellectual at times. The chapter on sex especially felt like a bit much to me, but overall I generally enjoyed the book.

[Clayton Platt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Five Stars — A Book That Meets You Exactly Where You Are
I came to This Messy, Gorgeous Love the way I come to most things that matter: a little humbled, a little hopeful, and curious about what the practice might have to say about the places in my life I don't fully understand yet.
devon and nico hase write about partnership the way good meditation teachers talk about the cushion — honestly, without sentimentality, and with the kind of warmth that comes from having been in the trenches themselves. This isn't a book about having it figured out. It's a book about being willing to show up anyway.
What struck me most was how seamlessly they weave Buddhist teaching into the lived texture of a real relationship. This isn't dharma applied to love from the outside; it's dharma discovered through love — through the friction, the repair, the ordinary Tuesday mornings. For those of us who practice mindfulness, there's something deeply validating in being told that your partnership is not a distraction from awakening. It might actually be one of the most fertile grounds for it.
The book is also simply a pleasure to read. devon and nico write with humor and without pretense, and their willingness to be specific about their own stumbles gives the reader permission to be honest about theirs.
Twenty-five years into a meditation practice, I've learned that the teachings we most need have a way of finding us. This one found me at the right moment — and I suspect it will find many readers at theirs.
If you're in a long-term partnership, or hoping to be in one, read this book. Then read it again with your partner.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

THIS MESSY, GORGEOUS LOVE: A BUDDHIST GUIDE TO A LASTING PARTNERSHIP
BY: NICO HASE

I am not familiar beyond a beginners guide to Buddhism so I will say that this at 250 pages is a short reading experience that is basically something that I don't remember requesting, but it can be applied to any relationship that of course, perfectionism is obvious not something the majority of people never expect in others or ourselves just innately wasn't what I would find as something so unbelievably basic to be raised as a topic that I was worried about this and to be honest is very not much here was something useful, but I think active listening and I wish this offered the kind of research John Gottman's institute that I know conflict happens and doesn't indicate trouble in that it is good intentions towards communicating and as there are tips that also useful, just as most books this is one that I'm grateful to have read and the exercises, practices provided enhance this more.

Thank you to Net Galley, Nico Hase, and Sounds True Publishing--St. Martin's Essentials for generously providing me with my ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own, as always.

Publication Date: April 14, 2026

#ThisMessyGorgeousLove #NicoHase #SoundsTruePublishing #StMartinsEssentials #NetGalley

[Octavia Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is accessible, thoughtful and entertaining. Framed around real stories from the authors' lives, they discuss challenges inherent in all close relationships and offer concrete suggestions on how to work with these issues. The clearly described exercises and practices at the end of each chapter feel realistic to apply in everyday life. I also appreciated how the authors have experience with Buddhist teachings from different traditions, yet present their ideas in a very open-minded way and don't use a lot of spiritual jargon.

This was a quick read yet felt very satisfying and useful. Anyone who is interested in bringing more awareness, self-reflection and understanding to their close relationships (romantic or otherwise) may find gems throughout this book.

Highly recommend!

[Jack · Rating 4 out of 5]

This messy, gorgeous love is chock full of hard earned wisdom about cultivating meaningful relationships and finding ways to grow and express yourself through relational practice. The interwoven exercises - meditations, journaling, communication practices - are tested methods that drive home the messages conveyed in the text. The writing style makes you feel as though a thoughtful friend is sharing their wisdom with you, although a few times it was a tad corny (read: millennial). Overall, would recommend this book to someone who’s willing to sit with the ideas shared in it, and I personally will be returning to some of the exercises.

[Micheley Kowalski · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! It felt really validating to hear about the inevitable challenges and stress inherent in relating and that a conflict-free relationship is an illusion. These tools are realistic and manageable - I appreciated the inclusion of the enneagram - and a real tenderness shows up when recognizing the truth of impermanence in life and relationships. It does put petty irritations into wider perspective.

I’ll know I’ll use this book as a guide when navigating difficult terrain with my partner. And the chapter on sex is thoughtful and insightful. Really happy to have read this one!

[Emma-Kate Schaake · Rating 4 out of 5]

Simple but not easy. I appreciate the interdisciplinary approach to mental health and wellness in relationships. A fair helping of relationship dynamics advice, a bit of yoga/budhism, and a hint of sex therapy.