Growing Up with Addiction

by Tian Dayton

From the leading expert on adult children of addicts, an essential guide to healing wounds of growing up with addiction and family dysfunction

“Required reading for understanding the full picture of recovery, repair, and reclaiming our true selves.”—Aimie Apigian, MD, author of The Biology of Trauma

Approximately 76 million adults in the U.S. share a family history of addiction. In this urgently needed resource, Dr. Tian Dayton draws on decades of expertise to help adult children of addicts (ACAs) recover from family trauma, reconnect with themselves, and heal relational wounds.

If you’ve grown up with a parent’s addiction, it can leave a profound imprint on your development. Its ripple effects reach into every corner of adulthood—how you partner, parent, work, and form friendships. “Relational trauma weaves into the fabric of your life, shaping how you see yourself and the world,” writes Dr. Dayton. “It can leave you questioning your worth, mistrusting intimacy, and feeling disconnected from your inner world.” But it doesn’t have to stay this way.

This book helps you explore the illness that shaped your family, understand the imprint it left on you, and set out on a path towards inner and relational recovery. “Healing begins with learning to distinguish real danger from old, outdated alarms,” writes Dr. Dayton. “It requires tuning into your nervous system, tracing your automatic reactions, and gently questioning the distorted beliefs and fear states your wounds left behind.” Throughout the book, you will learn how

• Process attachment wounds and cognitive distortions caused by gaslighting and denial
• Reawaken and reconnect with your body in ways that feel safe and grounding
• Understand your emotions and regulate them when they feel out of control
• Grieve unspoken losses and let your inner child find its own, authentic voice
• Heal from long-term CPTSD and codependency and find post-traumatic growth

Grounded in research, enriched by client voices and narratives, and filled with experiential processes, light a path unearthing buried pain and transforming it into meaning and purpose. This book empowers you to flourish in recovery, break the chain of intergenerational dysfunction, and create a compassionate and connected future for yourself and those you love.

Genres: Addiction

288 pages, Paperback

Published March 3, 2026

About the author

Tian Dayton has a masters in educational psychology and a PhD in clinical psychology and is a board certified trainer in psychodrama, sociometry and group psychotherapy. She is a certified Montessori teacher. Dr. Dayton is the director of The New York Psychodrama Training Institute. She is a nationally renowned speaker, expert, and consultant in psychodrama, trauma and addiction, ACoAs and self help related issues. Dr, Dayton was on the faculty at NYU for eight years teaching psychodrama. Dr. Dayton is a fellow of the American Society of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy ASGPP, winner of their scholar’s award, editor in chief of the Journal of Psychodrama, Sociometry and Group Psychotherapy and sits on the professional standards committee. She is also the winner of The Mona Mansell Award and The Ackermann Black Awaard. Dr. Dayton has been a guest expert on NBC, CNN, MSNBC, Montel, Rikki Lake, John Walsh, Geraldo. Tian blogs for Counselor Magazine, Recovery View and The Huffington Post

From the author's website.

Reviews

[GONZA · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a topic that interests me greatly, but once again I would like to reiterate that what we read and study is by no means a substitute for good psychotherapy. However, as a form of maintenance, the exercises suggested in this book are excellent.

Questo é un argomento che mi interessa moltissimo, ma anche stavolta vorrei dire nuovamente che quanto leggiamo e studiamo, non sostituisce assolutamente una buona psicoterapia. Come mantenimento invece, gli esercizi suggeriti da questo libro vanno benissimo.

I received from the Publisher a complimentary digital advanced review copy of the book in exchange for a honest review.

[Paddy Creedon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Back in 1975, I first became aware that I had an alcohol use disorder that developed into chronic alcoholism by 1977 when I came into recovery. I wish I had the knowledge that the truly wonderful author, clinician and lived experienced-recovery advocate, Dr Tian Dayton now so freely imparts in her many talks and books. It took me some time to grasp that my active alcoholism and my early recovery years had a negative impact on all those around me and especially all those who loved me the most.

Today and thanks to the many insights and conversations I have had with Tian Dayton, my amends have been made and I am now in the wonderful position that I can love all the same people, and many more, unconditionally and forever.

Thank You Dr. Tian Dayton for all that you do for all in recovery and the wider family circle – I am one of those people who found “A Loved Forgiven me”

Growing Up with Addiction is a must book in every house – after all we all know a family member, a friend , a work colleague in need of the insights and lived experiences of Tian Dayton. Growing Up with Addiction is the best book I have purchased in years.


--
Paddy Creedon

[Patrick McAteer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book that belongs in every recovery community ✨

What sets Tian’s work apart is that she brings both decades of clinical expertise and her own lived experience to this — and you feel that on every page. She covers attachment wounds, the nervous system, emotional regulation, grief, codependency, CPTSD, and post-traumatic growth in a way that’s genuinely accessible to anyone in a peer recovery community. She’s not writing about this from the outside.

For anyone trying to make sense of why certain patterns in relationships keep showing up, or who is further along and looking for language to name what they’ve already lived, this book delivers.

It’s also one of the best I’ve come across for group study — a book club within a recovery community, or a chapter-by-chapter workshop series. Filled with experiential exercises throughout, it’s perfect for the kind of shared reflection that peer community does best.

Recommended for people in recovery, for those who love them, and for anyone working in this field.

Patrick McAteer

[Tian Dayton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the most important books to me....that I have written. As an ACA myself who experienced both deep love and deep pain while growing up with addiction....this book is my attempt to share my best understanding of what happens and how to come through it and thrive. ACAs are a special lot. We're funny, deeply feeling, often longing for something that didn't happen or we wish we'd had more of ...while simultaneously running from ghosts from our past that make it hard to trust what we yearn for most. This is the nature of trauma and we can not only heal from it, recovery can launch us onto a journey that will mean "we no longer regret nor wish to shut the door on our past" (The Promises) because it made us who we have become. And that's a wonderful thing! Join me on this journey or pick up from where you are....understand what happened and where to go from here, so rather than passing pain and dysfunction through the generations you can pass strength, resilience and love!

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tian Dayton helps the reader get a second chance at childhood by reclaiming the parts that have been impacted by trauma. This book deeply dives into the damages that we may or may not be tuned into as adult children of addicts. Having an understanding and/or interest in psychology jargon and processes is not necessary to fully appreciate this book, but it may seem so in the beginning. It does start to flow more naturally and relateably as the chapters go on. The author is knowledgeable and provides informative background but may lose the interest of those looking for an easy read. I recommend this book for adult children of addicts looking to understand themselves and also to counselors or support systems of those wanting to help others who are struggling with their past, connecting to who they are now, and wanting to develop skills to move toward healthy relationships. Thank you to NetGalley for allowing me to enjoy the ARC copy of this book!

[Savvy_ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing Up with Addiction by Tian Dayton is a very interesting book. The author shares her personal experience with the topic and also her professional experience through sample case studies. She describes how psychodrama and journaling tools can help to heal negative patterns stemming from childhood experiences in order to stop the intergenerational trauma cycle. While some of the examples are challenging to read given the sensitive nature of the topic and how it can hit very close to home, it still has an overall tone of hopefulness as the reader is encouraged to try different techniques to heal.

I am grateful to St. Martin’s/Sounds True Publishers and to NetGalley for an advanced reviewer copy in enhance for my honest opinion of the book.

[Candy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Addiction is a family disease, and children of alcoholics and addicts carry their own scars into adulthood. Dayton offers a lifeline in the form of thoughtful probing of these wounds and ways to reshape reactions.