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160 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 8, 2025
‘There are three people at the heart of the story, and they hurt each other at every turn. But they’ve all been hurt themselves in the past so, somehow, we forgive them. In the end, the reader just wants everyone to survive and be happy. And of course there’s the unreliable narrator, which is what everyone talks about.’
‘It’s narcissistic, but the thought flashes through my head that I’m a good man, with a good career. I’ve kept my body in decent shape, and I’m reasonably attractive. Some might say that I’m a catch. So why the fuck don’t I have someone, other than my son, to go home to?’
‘Perhaps I wanted to lock her down, so she wouldn’t leave me, and I wouldn’t be alone. A half-life was all I merited, I told myself. I didn’t deserve what came so easily to other men. Who, after all, would want to touch someone as soiled as me?’
‘“She doesn’t love me,” I said immediately, expressing something aloud that I had always known but never had the courage to admit aloud. “And I don’t think she ever has. I don’t think she knows what love is.”’
‘Emmet, however, is different. He’s not quite as carefree as I was at that age but perhaps the times don’t lend themselves to that. Other than swimming and surfing, he doesn’t care about sports. So far, he has shown—at least to me—no interest in girls. And until I saw those photos on his phone—there’s clearly something going on in his private universe that I don’t know about, but that I need to uncover. If I am to discuss it with him, I will have to choose my moment carefully.’
‘Not just for the act itself but because I wanted to behave as other men my age behaved. I wanted to feel normal. We drank some more, then went to another bar. Then to a club, where we danced. I think I surprised her by being quite good at it.’
‘Over the next hour she told me stories of her life while asking very little about mine, and I couldn’t decide whether this was a relief or rather narcissistic on her part—Talking to a random girl in a pub excited me. Flirting. Seeing where things might go. The manner in which, once in a while, one of us would reach over to touch the other’s hand to emphasize a point we were making, leaving it there for a little longer than necessary, skin touching skin.’
‘It’s completely irresponsible of me, of course, but I see a hopeful look on my son’s face, so I nod and say yes. Maybe I’m getting him liquored up so that he might open up to me even more. It’s reckless, I suppose, but God knows there are worse things an adult can do to a boy his age.’