According to kabbalistic teachings, a Jewish soul is only on earth until its mission is complete. One tragically reads about children dying or a young parent who might have been taken “before their time.” There is no before their time because G-D rules the world; however, even if everything on earth occurs in it’s appointed time, it does not take away from the grieving of loved ones. Until last year I did not deem myself at the correct stage in life to read books about death, dying, or grief. I don’t know if I ever will be, preferring everything to have a happy ending and lamenting deaths in books. Even my most memorable dream involves a cyborg who has achieved eternal life, reminding us that the world did not end with COVID. One would think that myself a religious person would understand that death comes at it’s appointed time, but it is the end of life and appointed times that I still cannot come to terms with, and hopefully will not for a long time (G-D willing). Geraldine Brooks had not come to terms with the death of her spouse Tony Horwitz who was stricken down in the supposed prime of his life. After five years Brooks had not carved out ample time for herself to grieve and heal. Memorial Days is her personal response.
Although not Jewish by birth, Brooks converted prior to marriage because religion meant more to her husband’s family than to her own. While studying for conversion, Brooks learned of religious practices so that she could live as a member of the tribe. One practice that touched her was shiva and shloshim, the Jewish practices that occur with the death of a close family member. These practices are not for the dead but so that the living can take to heart. In the course of her career and world travels, Brooks found that other older religions also allow family members space to grieve. In one of the aboriginal religions that is 40,000 years old, the entire community mourns the loss of a member. In more “recent” monotheistic religions, it is immediate family members who are given the place to process their loss. Brooks’ critique of modern society is that it is too fast paced and notably devoid of most religious practices. While this does not seem to affect her on a daily basis, she does note that in today’s world, there should be space for loved ones to grieve. In her life, this was not possible for nearly five years. She desired closure or at least personal space to mourn the love of her life in order for her to live as a whole person again.
Brooks traveled to Flinders Island off of Tasmania for five weeks in order to process her grieving. This was done after she wrote Horse during COVID lockdown, a book she was not sure of but her husband had encouraged her to complete. From her 18th century Martha’s Vineyard home, she wrote the second half and dedicated it to her husband. That release was not enough. If anything, it was a timely reminder that her husband of over thirty years was no longer with her. On a book tour he dropped dead of a heart attack that was probably waiting to happen. Again, G-D decides when is everyone’s time and that was Tony’s. From this writing, he was the go getter, the one who connived officials to let him into front lines to get the first run of a story, the life of a party. Brooks herself, is much more subdued and a natural introvert. They made a perfect team and reported together in Cairo, London, and Sydney up until the birth of their first child, necessitating Brooks to switch careers from reporter to novelist. Eventually Tony would switch as well yet his books brought out the reporter in him because that is who he was. On his book tour, Spying on the South had just gotten onto the New York Times best seller list. It retraced Frederick Law Olmstead’s travels prior to the civil war, investigating themes that look to split this country apart again. Horwitz’ reporting style was made for our current world situation but was not to be. He was as American to the core as Brooks’ is Australian. Martha’s Vineyard was their compromise but the introvert in her could have spent the rest of her life on Flinder’s Island, which is rural and off the grid.
Becoming one with nature, Brooks finally is able to grieve five years later. This is her shiva, which stretches to more than the thirty day shloshim. She would chart sunrises and sunsets, marvel in the fauna and flora of her native country and wonder what might have been had she convinced her American husband to become a full time Aussie. Here she reads Tony’s journals and relishes in the early days of their relationship. At the same time, she notes that her older son pointed out that Tony is present in the room always because everyone continues to mention him and bask in his memories. If he would light up a room or take that first swim before sunset, then that is how people should continue to remember him. Now he is present in unrevealed ways but in her grieving process Brooks realizes that his soul’s mission had been complete. She couldn’t not continue to go through life, however long it lasts, lamenting that her husband drank too much alcohol and coffee. According to the doctors, cutting out those practices might have only made a difference of a few months. It was his time ad finite. On a remote Australian isle, Brooks contemplated how her life might have panned out should she have convinced her husband to stay in Sydney. They could have been an Australian family and lived on Flinders rather than Martha’s, relishing the flight of the geese and salty marshy ocean. In Sydney their children would have grown up as proud Aussies; however, she realized in her grief that it would have never worked. That was her compromise. Perhaps now untethered she will return to her native land that gave her the opportunity to mourn her loss.
Last year I read Joan Didion’s Year of Magical Thinking, which won the National Book Award. Another gifted writer, Didion also used writing as a means of coping with her husband’s untimely death. Brooks brought this memoir with her to Flinders. In her copy, she saw that Tony had highlighted the work as being panned and name dropping, which made Brooks laugh. Tony always highlighted the books that he read; she kept his copies so that they could forever debate works of literature. That Brooks is an adept writer is not to be debated. She has won the Pulitzer twice, the second for Horse, the book that Tony encouraged her to finish. Memorial Days is slim but just as compelling in its own right. I first found Brooks with her first work of nonfiction Foreign Correspondence so I knew that she was also a superb nonfiction writer. That she could sustain these high levels of writing in a book so personal speaks to the professionalism of her writing and probably her capacity for empathy as well. She contrasts religion’s dictate for family to take the time to mourn with those of modern society for everything to keep running as though a loss didn’t happen. Brooks notes that in modern times there should still be a place for shloshim. Yes, there should because no one knows when their time is and it allows the living their space. I am glad that Brooks got her space to grieve. Her words are prolific as always, maybe not what I would generally when sick in bed, but prolific.
4.5 stars