Because of You

Because of You #1

by Sam Mariano

When the only thing that’s remembered about your mother is how she died in a murder-suicide killing the wife of her ex-boyfriend, you know life isn’t going to be a piece of cake for you. Add to that a never-present father with more affection for his beer bottle than his daughter, and a too-hot-for-his-own-good surviving son of the victim of said “accident,” and you have a problem—or at least, Nicole Harmon certainly does.

When the surviving son, Derek Noble, sees an unsavory opportunity for revenge in the form of a heated one-night-stand, he decides to take it. It is intended to be an unkind but relatively uneventful interlude, but turns into the catalyst that unknowingly casts Derek and Nikki into the shadow of their parents’ sordid past.

What begins as a hateful game of revenge soon evolves into something they never expected and a love neither of them ever wanted. With the fragments of Derek and Nikki’s parents and their own tumultuous past hanging over their heads, the second generation of star-crossed lovers begin a love story all of their own.

This edition has a different ending--there is no longer an epilogue.

Recommended 18+ for some sexual content and mature situations

Genres: Enemies To Lovers, Romance, New Adult, Contemporary Romance, High School, Contemporary, Young Adult

356 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 4, 2013

About the author

Follow Sam Mariano on Facebook, Instagram (@sammarianobooks), or check out her Blog! If you need to email her, she can be reached at sammarianoauthor@gmail.com (but she is sometimes tardy about checking email. Mateo is very demanding).

Sign up for Sam's mailing list (to stay up to date on current projects--she won't spam you! Only for notification of new releases or book sales.)

All of Sam's books are available on Amazon! (And don't forget to follow Sam's Amazon Author page to get notified about the newest releases.)

Sam Mariano has been writing stories for as long as she can remember. She lives in Ohio and has a sweet and wonderful daughter.
Because of You was her first finished story (she started writing it when she was 18) and due to a full-time work and college schedule, it took her years to finish. She has also been telling people for years that there would never be a sequel (sorry, guys!)…which turned out to be a lie.
Sam Mariano is currently working on Dante’s book (if you’re a Morelli reader) and some other WIP.
Feel free to find her on Facebook, Goodreads, or her blog—she loves hearing from readers!

Reviews

[Katrina Passick Lumsden · Rating 1 out of 5]

Once again I find myself in the unenviable position of being one of the only reviewers of this book who didn't like it. I'm confused by the high rating, but since there haven't been many ratings at all yet, I'm certain its overall score will take a nosedive once a few more savvy readers give it a perusal and perhaps find the same problems I did.

Problem #1 was that my inner feminist was doing this pretty much through the entire book:



If you've read the synopsis, you know the premise: homegirl's mom killed homeboy's mom in a jealousy-fueled rage. Now homegirl and homeboy are teenage enemies, and homeboy just can't seem to leave homegirl alone. Derek harasses Nicole, both verbally and physically, and no one ever seems to have a problem with this because, hey, her mom killed his mom. Add to that the fact that Derek is popular and charismatic, he can do no wrong, everyone loves him, etc. And of course, everyone hates Nicole because her mom was a psycho. Right? Right. Through some bizarre twist of fate, the two of them end up falling in lurve with each other. Sounds like an interesting premise. Because it is. It is not, however, well executed.

***SPOILERS AFTER THIS POINT***

I was immediately worried while reading the sample because, as far as technicality goes, this isn't very well-written. The pacing is disjointed, the sentiments are cliched, the overall wording is simplistic, and some of the grammar could use some polish, but I really wanted to see where this story went, so I dove in.

When I got to the part where Derek takes Nicole's virginity when she's too drunk to remember what happened...and she's really not that bothered by it...I was a bit livid. Furthermore, Derek tapes the entire thing, then uses said tape to blackmail Nicole into being his sex slave for however long he sees fit.

This is icky. Right? I know I can't be alone in that assessment. But I made excuses for it. I thought, "Well, maybe he's just really emotionally screwed up and really, he's liked her all this time. Maybe he didn't tape it, he's just desperate to be with her." About halfway through, I realized how wrong I was when Nicole sees the tape, in all its pornographic glory. Derek had a lot of drunk sex with Nicole, and he taped every bit of it...and Nicole pretty much blames herself because she got drunk.



It's not that I have a problem with the rape scene or with the fact that Derek is never punished for it in any way...sadly, both are fairly close to reality. I do, however, have a big fucking problem with Nicole blowing the entire thing off. She seems more embarrassed by the whole thing than anything else, and she never once cottons onto the fact that she was raped. I don't care how you dress it up, that was rape. There are laws written against it because it's wrong. Nicole isn't upset that Derek took advantage, she isn't even upset that he taped it, she just wishes he didn't have anything to hold over her head. And she groans later because Derek "got her consent" on the tape. She. Was. Drunk! When someone is too impaired to give consent, no consent was actually given.



Anyway, after raping Nicole, Derek's harassment gets worse. He begins calling her a whore, "tipping" her with dollar bills, and just generally being far more piggish and obnoxious than ever before. And Nicole's reaction? "Ugh, he's such a pig...but there's nothing I can do since he has that tape. At least he's totes cute."



No, homegirl, he is not cute. He's not sexy, he's not enigmatic, he's not tortured or confusing or deep. He's a dick.



Well, from there things go from bad to slightly better. As Derek gets to know Nicole, his attitude toward her shifts and before we know it, he's destroyed the tape and the two of them are just smitten and cutesy.

But then there's trouble in paradise when Derek finds out his ex-girlfriend, Katie, is pregnant. To take the creep-o-meter up a notch or two, this entire situation is a mirrored repeat of everything Derek's dad and Nicole's mom went through 18 years before. Now we're in less believable territory. So Derek and Nicole's relationship begins to completely fall apart as Derek, in an attempt to "do the right thing", spends more time with Katie than Nicole is comfortable with. The entire second half of the book is like reading the dull, seemingly never-ending, angst-riddled whining of a teenage girl who's in love with a douchebag. Of course the relationship falls apart, and then Nicole finds her own strength as she and her dad light on outta town after she graduates.

I don't like getting personal in reviews, and damn this book for forcing my hand, but I'm gonna do it. When I was 17, I met the man who eventually became my husband and the father of my child. When we got together, his ex-girlfriend was pregnant with his child. I was able to deal with the drama and our relationship survived. Do you know why? Because my husband was and is a decent person. He made sure the drama was worth it. He didn't keep me out of the loop, list me as an inconsequential priority, lie to me, or make me feel like I didn't matter. Ever. I put up with the stress because I loved him and he was worth it. He made damn certain he was worth it. I had a really hard time figuring out why Derek was even remotely close to being worth it. When he first finds out about Katie's pregnancy, he avoids Nicole completely. He then repays all of her support and trust by lying to her, evading her, getting angry with her when she's just trying to help...I just can't. I don't know why I was supposed to like these characters. They weren't likable. There was absolutely no reason for Derek and Nicole to break up. None whatsoever. Derek doesn't care about Katie, but as soon as Nicole breaks up with him, Derek and Katie get back together. For the sake of the baby? Yeah. OK.

As if matters weren't bad enough, I also discovered that Derek never had a secret love for Nicole before the rape. No, he really plied her with drinks and raped away her virginity, then blackmailed her with the tape because he hated her.

How fucking romantic.

The epilogue succeeded in making me even angrier by showing me a life for Nicole that was completely devoid of romantic entanglements. She spent nearly twenty years alone because she knew she'd never love anyone the way she loved Derek.



Way to go, homegirl. You're completely pathetic. You have shite taste in men, and you're an emotional fuckwit.

We're also faced with the disheartening fact that Mariano is furthering the myth that women have to choose; a successful career or a family. We apparently can't ever have both. In the epilogue, Nicole makes it clear to the reader that the only reason she was able to reach her level of success was by completely abandoning any hopes of a family. I don't fault women who don't want to marry and/or have children, but Nicole regrets not doing so while in the same breath telling us it was the only way for her to do what she wanted with her career. How so? Why is it men can have it all, but women can't? I don't see men choosing career over family or vice versa.

This is not a good message. I understand Mariano was attempting to portray a strong female lead who walked away from a toxic situation. The problem is, that "strong female lead" walked away for the wrong reasons. She denied herself the pleasure of love and family because she unwisely wrapped herself around a guy who didn't deserve her, then based her entire outlook on love on that one shitty experience. The empowering message would be if she had overcome that obsession, realized what real love was supposed to look like, and went on to be happy despite what Derek put her through. Sadly, that didn't happen.

And then the reader is treated to the possibility of a Nicole/Derek reunion.

Shoot me.

[⚔Irunía⚔ · Rating 3 out of 5]

THREE NEGATIVE STARS because I can and I will. 💅🏻 /SPOILERS/

Safety gang members will probably have the overwhelming desire to roll their eyes at me and ask the universe in a very high voice how this is romance in case they come across the review... meanwhile I'll be fumbling with my words and searching frantically for an appropriate answer in the dark recesses of my mind... but back to dull reality. 🤡

I had been merrily bullshitting y'all when I said that I'd take every wannabe Carter Mahoney's crumbs. ✨ Turns out I'm more classy than that.

Derek Noble, one of the least noble characters to grace the earth, needs to lick Carter's boots so that my unhinged, unstable, audacious boy considers giving him a few lessons on how to be an unbothered psychopath.

On second thought, I have no explanation as to why I keep comparing two absolutely different characters from two absolutely different books and talking nonstop about Carter' Mahoney's supremacy. Obviously, I need therapy.

On third thought, Untouchable and Because Of You have quite a few similarities:
— high-school setting;
— sexual assault that leads to an epic love story;🤡
— hero has a child with another woman;
— blackmail and manipulation as wooing techniques;
— heroine whose brain I'd love to examine;
— condom... what in the name moments.

I saw Derek's car pull up, impatiently waiting for me to break it off with Andy so he could give me a ride home. I scowled at his car and shooed him away, but he merely revved his engine, drove around in a circle and parked in a spot where he could still see me, sitting there like my watchdog.

To be fair, controlling the whole process of your reluctant girlfriend-to-be breakup was the first sign that Derek gave that made me pause and think hmmm. this guy has potential.

A number of times I have been tempted to DNF this book is unprecedentedly impressive, especially during the first 30% of the book. Yet, I persevered and gradually, albeit reluctantly, my mind got sucked in the dark boundless hole for a plot that encompassed the following ingredients:

PAST

— heroine's psychotic mother was deadly obsessed with the hero's father;
— she's kinda dead now. But not before she had killed our hero's mother and written down her whole life story in the diary;

PRESENT

— our female lead, Nicole, acts obsessed with her mother's past;
— Nicole's ex-boyfriend is a doormat, willing to take Derek's (H) sloppy seconds for no reason at all;
— Nicole slut-shames herself for having been raped by Derek while she was being drunk and out of it;
— Derek's POV: condoms are for the weak-hearted, change my mind; 🤪
— Derek's pregnant ex-girlfriend throws nonsensical tantrums to create more drama
—
—

The next thing you know is that your brain has committed a pompous suicide and you finish the book with a bang. 😂 Against the wall.

Forgive me for being the captain Obvious, but this book is all kinds of messy. And not in a good way.

Even though I thought that the focus on Nicole's late mother's love story was logical (as far as I understand it, the author wanted to showcase the second generation falling into the same cursed trap and explore the 'star-crossed lovers' trope from all the angles)... yet the beginning reads like a diary entry of a person that belongs in a psycho ward. The writing was all over the place and didn't help matters. Or it did. 🤔 Depends on what kind of effect you strive for, I guess.

I am no psychiatrist (bad for me. otherwise, I'd be able to diagnose myself and my favorite book characters without sounding like an ignorant bitch) but a 17-year-old girl who reads her dead mother's diaries on a daily basis instead of partying/socialising/ studying/ watching Netflix??.. keeps me questioning her life choices. Her History of Present Illness might be of interest too: studying your mother's diaries like the Bible can't be good for your health, gorl.



So, the retelling of her mother's life took too much space. It was extremely descriptive and tiresome. Please, spare me the details. 🤚🏻Once you are dead, NO food. NO water. NO ROMANCE FOR YOU. Step aside, dear Nicole's momma and let me enjoy the smut between your daughter and her favorite rapist. 🙏🏻

As for the romance between Nicole and Derek... it was very lackluster. They both quickly fell for each other (good for them, I guess) but how did it even work, considering all the circumstances? 👁️👁️



Better than one could have thought thanks to

Derek's guide to a successful and fulfilling romantic relationship:
1) fuck her when she's drunk, and totally out of it;
2) blackmail this girl with a sex tape that has their fuck-fest recorded, forcing her to agree to hold amorous congresses with no strings attached;
3) turn her into a sex-crazed animal (apollo body type can help);
4) ensure that she dumps her boyfriend (better watch her from your car while she's at it);
5) buy her a car;
6) don't forget to impregnate your official girlfriend right before you finally break things off with her.

Voilà. 🥰


I am not complaining.
If the characters don't dwell on all those whacky things, why should I? 👁👄👁

Obviously it was helluva annoying — the way Nicole never acknowledged that she had been assaulted by Derek. She even considered herself slut for "cheating on her boyfriend". No, girl, you have to give your consent to the intercouse first to be the cheating slut you claim to be. 🤪

Her subsequent eagerness to have sex with Derek threw me off and made me question why the non-con scene was even included in this book, if not for the dramatic effect (IT HAD NO DRAMATIC EFFECT WHATSOEVER. HELLO. SHE WANTS HIM THE NEXT DAY). She was eager to ride Derek in her drunk state so what? This was not an excuse for Derek's decision to take advantage of her state. So, the real question is: does Sam truly believe it's okay to fuck dead-drunk people? Or was it a part of grand plan — to demonstrate the collective lunacy of her characters?



This book is the opposite of safe for anyone who prefers their romance without cheating and morally grey characters involved. The storyline is weird and inconsistent in many ways (I am too lazy to point them out).

Yet I find it endearing and arresting how Sam extolls her characters' degeneracy throughout the whole book. Apparently, the backlash she had received after publishing this book didn't faze her in the least and she keeps giving birth to atrocious characters that make readers clutch their pearls. The lady writer is aUdacIous. 🤌🏻

FINAL THOUGHTS

I loved that Derek didn't show Kayla (his pregnant, clinging and totally unlikeable ex-girlfriend) an ounce of affection neither before nor after impregnating her but, at the same time, didn't try to escape from taking the responsibility for his child. That being said, Kayla's pregnant ass was totally irrelevant, for all I care. 🤡

Sam's characters thought differently, though 🤡 and although her actual presence in the storyline was extremely limited, I had to endure a lot of conversations about Kayla. Thoughts about Kayla. Discussions with Kayla being the hot issue. Quarrels because of Kayla. Kayla. Kayla. Kayla.Kayla.Kayla.Kayla. Kayla.Kayla.Kayla.Kayla. Kayla.Kayla.Kayla.Kayla. Kayla.
Nicole's dead mother. Nicole's dead mother. Nicole's dead mother. Nicole's dead mother. Nicole's dead mother. Kayla. Kayla. Kayla.
(send help)


I strongly believe that Nicole and Derek could do without engaging in lame thought processes and conversations about dead mothers and ex-girlfriends. Could be just me. A recipe for the second book should contain only one and only ingredient: endless sex scenes, carried out in peaceful silence.

Which reminds me. Nicole's dad. 🤩
But don't get overexcited, no incest here. Just wanted to say that I really loved the dude and his interactions with Nicole were hilarious at its worst. He seemed almost... caring?? And the only character who is yet to say goodbye to his sanity. 🤩

To sum it all up, I have to admit that my judgment is clouded by the knowledge that this book is Sam's debut novel and that she was only 18 years old when she started writing it.

There's something about Sam Mariano's trashy, unapologetic, nonsensical characters and peculiar writing style (that has evolved drastically by the way. her other books are the living and breathing testament to it) that call to me. By the end of this mess, I had been invested even in Nikki's lunatic mother's love life. 🥴 CHEAP SOAP OPERA, DRAMA LLAMA, yes, keep slaying, my queen.

[Vivian Diaz · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5/5 ⭐️ I went into this book with little to no expectations and I ended up loving it! Wow! That prologue of Nikki’s mom had me in literal tears. What a twisted and crazy tale. It instantly had me hooked.

This had a pretty good amount of drama and it was really entertaining. I enjoyed it very much! 🙌🏼

I didn’t particularly like Nikkie or Derek in the beginning but they grew on me. They were both very selfish and toxic but I did love their romance 🤭. This had some angst and drama and it made me so excited for the second book!!

While the plot was good, the storytelling wasn’t perfect. But given that this is one of SM’s earlier work, I overlooked a few things.

This just had so much drama and I was absolutely enthralled with the story and how everything would play out. Their parents’ story also had me really intrigued. It was so tragic but so interesting. I couldn’t put it down. I’m not gonna lie, that ending had me tearing up 🥲.

⚠️ This does have what some people might consider cheating and ow drama so be aware of that if you’re interested in reading this book.

[Shaikha]

Dnf @15%

Update: it was really audacious of me to even mention the name of my Almighty King Carter Mahoney (🙇🏻‍♀️) and peasant Derek in the same sentence. Such a big transgression against my King. Will I ever be forgiven for my impertinence? Probably not.

I will be removing this book from my shelf to exonerate myself from the guilt of bringing such shame to my King.

No evidence shall remain of this book.

The name Derek is never to be mentioned in my presence again.

[Melluvsbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Holy Angst, Batman! 😩




This was a reread. I read this the first time when the sequel dropped in 2018-ish. I believe it’s Sam Mariano’s first book. And frankly, you can tell. Everyone starts somewhere, right?!


What I loved:

- the h is 17 years old and has her v-card - she’s a little nerdy bookworm and is basically a pariah due to a scandal (sound familiar??)

- the H is a popular cocky asshat - he’s got a similar amoral attitude that we’ve come to expect from a Mariano hero

- I liked the ruthless way Derek goes after Nicole. 😈

- I thought the story line with their parents was compelling - it really gave our 2 lovers real reason to dislike each other at first. It was well thought out and detailed

- there’s so much drama in this book. It’s coming from several directions. I am a drama whore, so I was all about it. 👍🏻👍🏻

- the OW is the perfect Evil Cackling Whore. My favorite kind.

- I like the single perspective. Sam’s heros are mysterious.. we have to be unsure of them just like the h… and I love that about her books. It adds so much tension and ramps up the angst. 🖤

- this is not a slow burn

- as a Mariano fan, I loved seeing little glimpses into her mind… I could see ideas percolating that end up fleshed out and perfected in future books.

- despite some of the issues with the writing in this debut book, I was still full-on ugly crying at the end! 😩😭😭😭😅



What I wasn’t wild about:

- in the same way that I loved seeing the 1st draft of future book ideas, it was also frustrating. I have seen how amazing those scenes are/can be, so it was hard to read them not done as well here. I kept having to remind myself it’s a first book. There were several things I would have liked to see more fleshed out and expanded upon.

- there was waaaaay too much telling and not nearly enough showing. Again, pretty typical of a first try. It improves as we get going, but it never stops completely - I did a lot skimming … but that also could have been because this was a reread and I already knew the basic story. 🤷🏼‍♀️

- because of the showing/telling problem, the relationship development needed some work.

- she hasn’t hit her stride with sex scenes yet. They are there but not as descriptive as subsequent books.

- I really didn’t like that we didn’t get an explanation for Derek’s inconsistent condom use, and Nicole didn’t have any questions about it either. I thought that was a huge plot hole. 🤷🏼‍♀️ if I was in her shoes, the FIRST thing I’d be asking about is THAT. AAAAAAND I’d be making an appointment to check for STDs.

- at the end of the day, I didn’t Loooove Nicole in the way I’ve loved Sam’s other heroines. She was kinda selfish and I didn’t like how she used the OM in her life. I also found her transition from blackmailed virgin to enthusiastic consent a little jarring. If you’re looking for a Mia or Zoe, Nicole is a little different.

- Derek has long hair. 😬 That he wears in a pony tail. 👀🙈 I’m real glad Sam moved on from that aesthetic. 🙃😅




Bottom line? This was an impressive first try, but it also includes a lot of the problems we typically find in first tries. Boiled down, the story is inventive and compelling. She was able to get me emotionally invested, despite the need for an editor. I will absolutely be up all night reading book 2… which, by the way, she didn’t release until 4 years later, so the writing is vastly improved. Can’t wait to revisit. ⭐️⭐️⭐️ 1/2



⚠️SAFETY SPOILERS⚠️

- OW drama galore

- Derek gets OW pregnant - he sleeps with her AFTER he is first with the h, but BEFORE they have agreed to be together exclusively - he does it because Nicole had tried to make him jealous by telling him SHE had slept with her ex (she didn’t)…. So, is it cheating?? Depends on your definition. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I didn’t see it that way, and neither does the h… she’s mad about the situation, but not really about “cheating”.

- dubcon-ish - Derek takes her v-card when she’s plastered (and films it) and then blackmails her into a couple more encounters before she’s fully consenting. It’s not as dark as future books, but Derek is a *little* rapey.

[Jena]

Self note H
-H got his ex gf pregnant and leaves the h for her.

- he slept with the ex GF after having sex with the h, but before MCs became exclusive. In real world this is not cheating, but in romance, it is. I guess he was fucking both girls til the h forced the H to go exclusive.

- in the original duet, they were apart for 20yrs, and she was celibate the whole time🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄, while he married the ex gf.

In the new re- release they’re apart 6-7yrs and she’s still celibate while he’s not.


Avoiding.

[Monique · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have one word and it is WOW!!!! My full review of this book will come when my words are back.
**********************************************************************
You can see my full review and interview with Sam Mariano on my blog All The Bookish Love

Disclaimer I received a copy of this book straight from the author in exchange for an honest review. All opinions expressed are my own.

Because of You kept me on the edge of my seat. I swear, the book kept whispering to my subconscious: “Don’t put me down, just keep reading. Who cares about all the stuff you have to get done? You know you want to keep reading.” Well it worked. I finished this book in five hours. Sam Mariano sure knows how to weave a great story. The first person point of view really grabbed me from the get-go. I felt like I was living the story as it unfolded.
I really loved how the prologue delved straight into the history that you needed to know, and throughout the book, I only had one “What did I miss?” freak out and that only came at the start of the epilogue. I won’t spoil anything and say why, just that I was pleasantly surprised.
This book brings forth characters that are so real, you can relate to the drama, the emotions and all the ups and downs. We have Nicole, whose whole life has been tainted by the one crappy decision her mother made years ago. With all the crap she’s had to deal with, it was refreshing to see that she was strong, confident and independent. She doesn’t take crap from anyone and I adored that she was a bookworm. Living with the black cloud that is your mothers’ reputation, over your head, throughout your whole childhood, can’t be easy, but she persevered and came out on top. Her father, Alex, isn’t the best role model, in fact at times he seems uncaring, but the way his character grows, you can’t end up not liking him. At one part, I actually cried because of the heartfelt words that came out of his mouth. He’s not the best father in the universe and he sure as hell won’t any Father of The Year awards, but when his daughter really needed him, he pulled through and won a place in my heart.
Then we have Derek. He’s Mister Cool at school, and he sure goes all out to try and make Nicole’s life a living hell. I formed a kind of love-hate relationship with him. At times he was such a complete douchebag, but then he’d pull a 180 and you fall head over heels for him. He gets under your skin but he crawls into your heart as well. I regret some of the choices he made, mostly because I really wanted things to work out the way I had envisioned them to work out.
There was so much love in this book, it almost jumped right off the pages. I was blown away by the couple of steamy scenes, they took my breath away. The only word I had after them was WOW!
The twists in this story, oh my god, the twists. The minute you think you have it all figured it, it’s going to end like all other books, you just get propelled to one side, then you think, “Fine, I can see what’s going to happen” you’re right back where you started. It made for a story that was beyond invigorating. I kind of wished the ending was a bit different, but it wouldn’t do the book, or the characters, justice. Here’s hoping we get a novella or even a sequel(Please Sam) just to quench my thirst.
After the tears I shed, and the laughs I laughed, I felt a bit sad at finishing the book so quickly, but I just had to know what was going to happen next. So here’s to Sam Mariano, I give you all the applause my hands can clap.

[Veronica WordsAreMyDrinkOfChoice · Rating 1 out of 5]

I am going to be honest, I am worried about all the people who rated this book highly, some disgusting things treated as no big deal. This review perfectly explains everything:
https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...

[Jenn (The Book Refuge) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, I can tell this is her earlier work. Its not a storyline that I am a big fan of, but I am willing to try the second part and see how it goes.

[Hannah · Rating 1 out of 5]

Lord, this was a hot mess. From page 1 to the very end. Honestly, the ending was the best part. If there wasn't a second book, I would be 100% okay with it. Girl, get the HELL outta there. That boy is NOT worth it. The whole situation is completely ridiculous. Get the hell out and never look back.

There was zero chemistry between Derek and Nikki. It felt like nothing but useless, trashy, high school drama. So bad. Add in what happened between their parents, and what the actual fuck?

There are so many gross and problematic themes in this book. Ugh.
No. Just no. Bye.

[Cassia Brightmore · Rating 4 out of 5]

When you finish a book and you’re left feeling utterly wrecked, you know that the author has truly put their heart and soul into their work. This love story struck a chord within me, it touched me and restored my faith in second chances. I found the plot to be unique, a story about history repeating itself and how fate plays a larger part in our lives than we often care to admit. Nikki has grown up believing love is the devil, an emotion that she strives to avoid at all costs. Losing her mother at a young age in a terrible tragedy has taught her that no one can be trusted, no one but herself. Looked upon as the town pariah based on her mother’s ultimate sin, has not helped her to overcome her hatred of love, it has only enhanced it. When she is suddenly thrust into the path of her arch enemy, their lives are irrevocably changed.

My mother had taught me that passion was pain.

Nikki Harmon is not a foolish girl. She knows that the whole town, and especially Derek Noble hate her for the crime that her mother committed. Killing herself and Derek’s mother in a car accident sealed Nikki’s fate long before she was old enough to make her own mistakes. Reading her mother’s journals has opened her eyes to the heartache she felt, the heartache of losing her one true love, Mike Noble - Derek’s father. A broken heart can be devastating, can cause reactions we never imagined possible. Learning of the tragedy of such an emotion through her mother’s heart sick eyes has hardened Nikki in many ways. After successfully avoiding Derek for most of her life, her luck runs out when they are thrown together in the most intimate of ways. At the mercy of her biggest rival, everything she knows is on the line. Including her heart.

I’m...terrified of love. I want nothing to do with it. I saw how it destroyed my mother.

Derek Noble is your typical high school jerk. Out for blood for what Nikki’s mother did to his family, he makes it his mission to torture her. Until one night when all that changes and he begins to see something that he wants more than seeing her suffer. He wants her. As the two embark on an unconventional “friendship,” he slowly learns that the girl hiding inside the hard front that Nikki shows to the world - is an incredible one. Soon, the time they spend together is less and less about their arrangement and more to do with blossoming love. Secrets and ghosts from the past threaten to crush any connection they have built, and new enemies from the present circle the pair like vultures, preying on their fragile bond. What I loved about this book is that one second I was hating certain characters, the next I was cheering them on and falling head over heels for them. Nikki’s fears of connection and committment were heartbreaking, and the way that Derek slowly coaxed her out from her shell, had me crossing my fingers for their HEA. Will he succeed in showing her love can be beautiful? Or are they destined to walk the same destructive path as their parents?

But passion and desire aren’t always good, I’ve learned. Together they can bring bitterness and destruction, jealousy and betrayal, longing and obsession.

This story captivated me. I was drawn in by the mystery surrounding the plot, by the characters that grabbed hold of my heart. It didn’t hurt any that Derek had a naughtier side in the bedroom that he and Nikki both enjoyed exploring ;) If you enjoy a love story with a twist, you will fall in love with this book.

xo Cassia
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[Sam]

[Izzy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sam Mariano is an amazing author but this book wasn’t it.

I loved the beginning and how vicious the H was and I was absolutely waiting for his redemption.

But nope, that didn’t happen.

After the H date “rapes” h (yes it was rape because she was a minor, he was 18, she was drunk and gave consent while drunk while he was sober, she doesn’t recall her virginity being taken, he tapes her and that is all she sees to remember, he blackmails her), so that was his evil deed———> so far the dark evil H is here so it’s time for redemption right, right?

Wrong, how can there be a redemption if according to the h, the H didn’t do anything wrong because she consented while drunk so that means consent according to the h ( let me make it clear, if you're drunk or drugged at a party, and someone takes advantage, and takes your virginity without you knowing or understanding—- that is clear cut rape and is a crime no matter if you are a minor or not, in this case, h is a minor). So nothing to redeem and she consented, so she agrees to become f buddies so that he doesn’t show the whole world the p*rno video that he took.


Next thing we know, the h never even thinks that she was raped, she is only embarrassed that he taped her and will show that to everyone. But things change, they all in love, he destroys all the tapes and cds and whatever videos he had. So things are great, they are a happy couple. The End.

No, now it’s time for spoilers, so if you want to read this and it’s sequel, then don’t read this review any further. 🛑🛎
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Now, there’s a twist, while the H and h were f buddies but not committed to each other exclusively, the h had a boyfriend with whom she did nothing sexual, in this first book, she was with H only throughout. But the H was NOT, he had sex with ow (his girl friend at the time), but once the h and H had their talk, they became exclusive, and dumped their respective partners.

However, the fact that the H had unprotected sex with ow AFTER having slept with the h regardless of whether they were exclusive or not, was icky. He not only cheated on the ow, but he also technically cheated on the h as well.

So what happens ?
He gets the ow pregnant from that one time.
The H and h break up.
Then the H promises the h that he will be there for the h only and only provide support to his kid with the ow.
They get back together.
But they fight.
Finally the h comes to her senses, the H will never choose her, he will choose the ow because of the baby, the baby always comes first. He won’t abandon the ow.

I had high hopes that the ow was faking or that she was lying that the H was the father because she was seeing someone else and on top of that she was making scenes, crying and manipulating the H the whole time.

So I thought they would reveal that they did a paternity test and it will reveal he’s not the father.

But no, that doesn’t happen. So the book ends with the h being devastated and leaving town with her father, away from the H where he can’t find her. This ends on a cliffhanger.

Review and spoilers for book 2 🛑🛎
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You would think she moves on? No
The prologue starts 2 years after they have been separated. He doesn’t know where she is. She has written a book based on their love which ends in a HEA which she dedicates to the H and what could have been. She sends him the book via mail anonymously.

Then it’s 6 YEARS of separation, the h has a lawyer bf (she doesn’t have a sexual relationship with the bf, I’m not sure if she stayed celibate for 6 years, it not clear cut, I have a feeling her one and only was the H, she was too broken to have casual sex with anyone other than the H, we know the H was not celibate, it is indicated he had sex or made out with other women in the years they were separated).

The h’s father is finally getting married and she supports her father and goes to the wedding. Who shows up uninvited? The H, after 6 years of no contact. The H and her current bf are introduced, h gets drunk beyond belief, H kidnaps her and tricks her, takes her to their hometown and his house while she is unconscious . When she is there she sees the now 6 years old daughter (don’t get me wrong I’m not blaming the kid, it’s not her fault, the H made so many mistakes but I just couldn’t read anymore at this point but the need to know was there).

I still had high hopes that the kid wasn’t biologically his, that they were separated because the ow hated the h the whole time and wanted revenge and cooked up the whole pregnancy even though the father was someone else. So now we don’t see the ow, turns out she had left the kid when the kid was 2years old and she never came back.
Great. The kid is definitely the H’s.
What happens next, I’ll give a shorter version of it, the back and forth was too long and I skimmed most of it.

The H and h become f*ck buddies once more, H wants more, marriage and a family with h.
h doesn’t want more, doesn’t trust H.
h cheats on the current lawyer bf with the H. Again.
Current bf forgives her and tries to work it out with her. Never heard a guy forgive so easily but sure 🤦🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
The fight and make up and fight and make up.
Finally, they marry, h adopts the kid. Ow signs adoption papers and has no custody anymore.
He and h have a baby and all’s well, just wonderful.


Now what I thought 💭

1) they cheat on their partners
2) she stays faithful
3)he plays her
4) stupidity makes her a ping pong ball
5) no miracle reveal that the H never cheated and he always wore condoms with the h, so he also wore condoms with the ow so the kid couldn’t be his

I mean I’m fine with them adopting the kid from the ow but I can’t imagine looking at the sweet kid and knowing this is the ow’s kid, this is the reason for all the past heartaches: I would be biased and it would be hard not to feel a bit bitter about the situation, it would be hard to always love the other kid unconditionally. Sometimes we unconsciously show negative traits, it’s human nature, you have to be a saint not to, it’s easier to adopt a baby and give that child love and support that is true and beautiful but it’s hard to do it when you know your husband had cheated on you and then had a baby with another woman no matter what the reason for the cheating was, there will always be some bitterness even if it is 0.000000001 %

So why the 3 ⭐️? It was a gripping story and the first book kept me hoping that something would come out, that I will find out in the next, I cried a lot, had to keep tissues with me. I quickly read the second book but I skimmed the last chapters of both books because it was tedious and repetitive.
However, I still neeeded to know what happens. These kinds of books are no my cuppa, I didn’t believe the happy ending. I also didn’t like how the ow got away with breaking up true love. There was no comeuppance, she walks free, no responsibility for what she did, none for the kid, no child support that she needs to give, nada.
I would have given this a 1 star, but I didn’t want to be cruel.

So 3 ⭐️ For this one
And 2⭐️ For the next book in this duo.

[Marureviere · Rating 3 out of 5]

Man, the main characters. Sarap pag-untugin at sakalin tbh 😭 Could not stop reading this though.

[Doris · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this one, full review when I finish the next in the series.

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, I finished this one in record time! (I couldn't seem to put it down!)
Let me first say I really loved this story. The characters were very real, not the generic, fake, stereotypical characters like you get in a lot of these books. I really liked Nikki, I could totally relate to her. I loved/hated Derek depending on the chapter. Alex was surprisingly one of my favorite story dads ever because he wasn't too far to one side or the other (the perfect parent or the screw up parent--he was right in the middle). I just finished it, everything is fresh, so I have a lot to say! Apologies!

Where to begin. Well, I suppose it makes sense to begin at the beginning. The prologue is a little lengthy/wordy and full of lots of (very relevant to the story) history about the main characters mother (and the main male character's father). I was eager to get into the actual story, and felt almost bogged down. I am SO GLAD that I kept reading though! (If you start this book and feel bored in the beginning, KEEP GOING! Once it gets going, it doesn't drag like that!)
I got really swept up in this love story. At first, I didn't like Derek at all and even though I knew from the description that he would not be evil forever, I found it hard to believe. Honestly, I guess it's a testament to how well the story is written that--like Nikki--I wasn't altogether sure when I stopped hating Derek and started loving him, but it definitely happened somewhere along the line.


There were a couple of sex scenes--like, for real. I didn't see it coming, but then I was all like...

But I totally liked it. Boy do these these two have some chemistry!
And not just physically. I'm not one to regularly cry when I read books, but this one... it definitely made me shed a couple of tears. Masochistically, I loved every second of it, because I love when I connect with/invest in characters like that. Also, I was reading at night time, so I didn't have to worry about mascara smears or anything!


Now, I personally loved this story. I was surprised by how much I loved it, given that it's a debut novel and it was only $3.99 (there are some real stinkers out there) but this was a really good story and I'm very glad to have read it. It's unexpected and there were definitely a couple of surprises; I was absolutely CONVINCED of how something was going to turn out (without spoiling) and then... I was totally wrong. That happened to me twice in the course of this book. But I loved it! Part of me really really wanted me to be right, but when I had finished the whole book, I was completely happy with everything. I would like to see a sequel to this book!

Sequel or no sequel, I will definitely be keeping an eye out for more from this author!

[Heather ~*dread mushrooms*~ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Soooo ...

Let's get the bad out of the way first.

The narrative just trundled on randomly for a good part of the book, telling us about scenes rather than letting us actually read the scenes themselves. I recently read another book that did this, and it really removes me from the book emotionally. However, Nikki had a frank, engaging voice, so it wasn't too terrible. But I would have preferred more active engagement in the story.

I really enjoyed the beginning of the book (excluding the prologue, which strayed to the rambling side), but the second half was like a completely different book altogether. I don't really care to read about teen pregnancy, so that particular turn of events put a damper on things for me. I do think teens who get pregnant are pretty much ignored in YA, so on the other hand I kind of appreciated the author going there.

The side characters were not well-developed. Although I appreciated that Nikki had at least one female friend, I didn't like the way Derek's girlfriend Kayla was portrayed. She was vindictive and nasty, as all exes tend to be in fictional worlds for some reason. I mean, I guess there are exes out there like that, but it doesn't always have to be that way. If she'd had any other characteristics besides those, it wouldn't have been as big a deal.

Now, the good.

I loved that the characters were all working class individuals with money concerns. They worked in fast food! I wish I could read more about characters who fall well below the middle class bracket, rather than stupid boring billionaires.

I love a love-hate relationship (or just lust-hate) and I actually wish that aspect of the book had been carried out longer. I did like the sexy times and I didn't even mind the horrible circumstances of how Derek and Nikki's relationship got started because I enjoy reading about jerks taking advantage of people from time to time. But I have to say, for high-schoolers, these kids knew a lot about sex. It was nothing outrageous, but I mean, I couldn't even have imagined some of this stuff at seventeen. Kids these days ...

Overall, this was strangely addictive. I ended up reading it way more quickly than I expected. If I can get a deal on the sequel when it comes out, I might read it.

[Medollga · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was such a melodrama, where teenagers were sorting out adult problems all the time: pregnancy, low finances, working all the time. It was sad and dreary and too realistic for my liking for a romance novel.
I read that book 2 is supposed to be better, so we'll see 🙈

[Selene · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this one started out a little bit slow with the backstory but I also understood why the backstory was all told (mostly) at once too. This story was Nikki's generation's story, not her mother's, and I have no problem with one slow chapter.

I really loved Nikki. I don't usually like first person stories actually, because it can be limiting, but in this story I didn't feel like it was at all. I liked that the cast of characters was limited but the characters that were there got fleshed out. I appreciated that Nikki was a loner without a lot of friends, probably because I only had a couple good friends when I was in high school too, I didn't have a ton of actual friends, just people you see at parties or whatever, but I thought that was nice. I also liked that she was an imperfect character who made mistakes. No special snowflakes here.

Derek. I pictured Derek as Riggins from Friday Night Lights...I think it was the hair lol.


Now I see a couple people didn't like Derek, but I did. Not right away. At first he was a total jerk, but he was supposed to be, it said he was a jerk. I like when I'm shown instead of told that someone is bad. A book I read last month supposedly featured a "bad boy" and he wouldn't even say "hell" or do anything remotely bad, but he had tattoos and a shaved head so he's "bad." Please. No, Derek is a bad boy, but not like he's trying too hard, that's just how he is. He was alpha and I really liked the sex scenes between them. That feels weird to say lol but I liked the sex scenes in this better than half the erotica I've read.

Anyway, I won't give away any spoilers, but I really enjoyed watching their story unfold. At the scene at the park my heart got a little melty, because I saw Derek growing as a character. I also liked that he liked her before she liked him! Too many boy crazy females, and I liked that Nikki wasn't like that. I like how it didn't even occur to her that he wanted to be more than friends and she was kind of oblivious.
I liked the way the story developed, how stress and everything weighed on their relationship. much more realistic portrayal than a lot of other stories. I also liked the ending, although I would definitely read a sequel.

Overall this is a favorite.

[Shelby Forbes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nicole "Nikki" Harmon and Derek Noble were destined to be enemies before they were born. It began with the love triangle started by their parents. Nikki's mother, Jamie, and Derek's father, Mike, were in love. Until Mike's ex/Derek's mother, Sarah, became preganant. Mike is unable to separate himself from Sarah and his child. What ensues are years of empty promises and unfulilled dreams. Finally, Jamie breaks. In a murder/suicide act, she crashes her car into Sarah's - killing them both.

Nikki, as a child, was moved from her grandparents to a father that never really wanted her after Jamie's death. In a conscious move on the school district's part, Derek and Nikki are kept apart until fate brings them together in their senior year of high school. When the two meet, Derek lays all of the hurt and blame of her mother's act at Nikki's feet. The two... hate each other. Until one drunken night at a party changes all that.

Derek films a night that he and Nikki share and forces her to continue their trysts or he'll release the recording and ruin her. Over time, Derek and Nikki grow closer and begin a real relationship. Until, Derek's ex informs him that she's pregnant.

Will Nikki and Derek learn how to keep their relationship alive or is history bound to repeat itself?

The author does a wonderful job of giving a rich and in depth backstory so that you actually get a better understanding of where her characters are coming from. I found myself hating Derek at the beginning. He truly was a jerk! How can a child be blamed for the actions of a parent? I began to silently cheer Nikki on. Hoping that she was able to build friendships and move past being "the daughter of the crazy murderer". I wasn't a fan of a Nikki/Derek romance. It seemed a little too creepy with their parent's relationship. Eventually, they won me over. I won't spoil the ending... but I'm hoping for their continued story...

[Harris Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holy crap!!!!!!

This book was so emotional! The prologue seriously sucked me and and I devoured this book without moving. Once I'm done with my review I'm reading the second book I need to know what happens.

Go into this story blind! That's what I did and I'm so glad I did. This is definitely a ride you don't want to miss!!!

[Kat Montemayor · Rating 5 out of 5]

My Review 5/5 stars

The plot of this story sounded pretty interesting so I wasn't surprised that I liked it a lot. I was surprised at how quickly I was hooked (the grocery store scene) and how hard it was to put down. The prologue is the backstory of Jamie (Nikki's mother) and Mike's (Derek's dad) tortured relationship. Jamie is so in love, read OBSESSED, with Mike and it is unclear if he feels the same way. At times it appears he does, but there is no follow through on his part, so it is hard to tell. Jamie compares her relationship with Mike to Wuthering Heights.

While I can definitely see her as a Cathy figure, he was no Heathcliff. Maybe only in her eyes. In the prologue I saw a lot more similarities to White Oleander.

Jamie's obsession with Mike is sick and selfish in an Ingrid Magnussen kind of way. The only difference between the two as far as I can see is that Jamie isn't quite as narcissistic as Ingrid, and I do believe she does love her daughter, just not more than Mike. After knowing all her mother did and reading her journals which chronicle her obsession, Nikki vows not to be ruled by love and believes falling in love is the great evil that destroyed her mother.

The plot centers around Nikki and Derek trying to stay together amidst all the drama surrounding their mothers' deaths. Soon enough, they find themselves repeating the same mistakes their parents' made and Nikki must make some difficult choices if she wants to escape her mother's fate.

***Spoiler***


I didn't always relate to Nikki. How she reacted to being raped as a virgin and blackmailed and forced into having sex to keep the video of her rape a secret was completely foreign to me. There was no way I would do that just to save my reputation. Derek should have gone to jail. Later on, Derek's image is re-habbed by fixing up her father's vandalized car and his wonderful Christmas present to her. But it's hard for me to forget how he treated her at first.

***End Spoiler***

The fathers

Alex, Nikki's father, is one of my favorite characters in the book. He is completely consistent throughout the book. He is kind of an absentee father for most of her early life, but after the death of her mother and grandmother, he stepped up and took her in. He was quite lenient, but knowing his history, that was the only kind of father he could possibly be. I love this quote by him: There is no man on this planet worth that, Nicole. Don't you understand? They are--we are all pieces of shit.

I never connected with Derek's father. Like Alex says, "he's a loser that couldn't make his trailer payment because he was buying too much weed." It was only after his wife died and he collected the insurance money that he was able to get a house and a new car. Mike, who is probably in his mid to late thirties, is still working at the same job he had when he was a teenager, only now he is assistant manager.

I was happy at the end when Nikki woke up and realized she needed a change. I credit Alex for helping her to make the right decision and showing her she deserves better. For that she gets this:

[Aysha]

Dnf

[Samantha Schwerin · Rating 1 out of 5]

What is UP with this author trying to make rape look acceptable????



I am reading this coming off of the absolute DISASTER that was Boy on The Bridge. That book made my blood BOIL. This book is marginally better but after a few chapters, the characters and plots became suspiciously similar...I blame Amazon for recommending this one and then I blame myself for not realizing this is the same freaking author. Sam Mariano: No matter how you spin the story, RAPE IS RAPE AND IT'S NOT FUN OR ROMANTIC TO TRY TO WRITE IT OTHERWISE.

1. The characters are exactly the same as Hunter and Riley in Boy On The Bridge. Riley IS Nicole - the bookish loner that everyone hates because of rumors about her (see also: doormat disguised as a 'headstrong', not-like-other-girls girl). Hunter IS Derek - The cool, popular jock who rules the school and has a MAJOR chip on his shoulder and blames Riley/Nikki for all of his problems unfairly. IT'S THE SAME.



2. The plot was convoluted in the first chapter trying to explain the messed up 'love' story of Nicole's mom and Derek's dad. I was very confused and also, the whole thing sounded extremely toxic and I rebuke all of it. Nicole's mom ends up killing Derek's mom in a car crash which...okay whatever. ANYWAYS- flash forward to Nicole and Derek as teens and Derek (and the rest of the town) condemns Nicole to be a social outcast for her mom's sins (sound FAMILIAR?? Hunter did the same thing to Riley when she told her mom about his stepdad abusing him...SAME SAME SAME). THEN Nicole gets trashed at a house party where Derek shows up, basically makes sure she gets drunk, guides her away from her friend and upstairs, proceeds to have sex with RAPE her AND FILM IT. Nicole wakes up and remembers none of it but Derek tells her that he has the video and unless she agrees to be his sex puppet, he will show it to everyone. And just like when Hunter humiliates Riley when he takes her virginity and Riley then proceeds to do nothing about it and doesn't even bring it up, flirts with him even, Nicole does nothing. In fact, he helps her fix her car so all is well okay??/s Anyways, he makes her keep her word about being a sex puppet and surprise surprise she is super into it and he basically calls her a whore right after and peace's out. SOUNDS FAMILIAR. Again, my question to this author- are we supposed to LIKE these characters? How are we supposed to relate, or enjoy their story when they SUCK at being human beings??

Obviously, DNF.

In some comments I have read on Boy on the Bridge, others have pointed out that the plot of that story is the same as another book she wrote. SO this author really needs new material because not only do all of her stories have the same plot apparently, the plot is horrendously offensive and not okay. I will not be picking up another one of this authors' books. Good riddance.

[Van nee · Rating 3 out of 5]

I stayed up until 3:30 in the morning, having started late at night, in order to finish this book. I was ready to throw my device at the wall when I reached the ending because I was so invested in a HEA for the MCs. Although this wasn't a masterpiece, I ugly cried through the last 1/4 of the story because I identified so much with what the h was going through. I was livid with the way this ended but then I found out this morning that there's a part 2!!!!! I feel redeemed. Part 2 better have a HEA or I'm going to be throwing things.

plot - Nikki grows up damaged because her mom commits a murder-suicide with her rival for Mike's affections. Her mom, Jamie, has a toxic relationship with Mike and is basically his doormat allowing him to drop her repeatedly in favour of Sarah, the mother of the H, Derek. Jamie pours out her feelings and the events that shaped Jamie and Nikki's life in her journal which Nikki uses as her personal bible. Nikki vows to never repeat Jamie's mistakes only to have the exact same ironical situation repeat itself with Mike's son, Derek. Nikki and Derek start off as enemies, with Derek hating Nikki and blackmailing her into having sex with him after he takes advantage of Nikki's drunken state and takes her virginity while videotaping the event. So Nikki has no choice but to go along with it even though she has a "safe" boyfriend, Andy. Overnight, Nikki and Derek's relationship goes from blackmail to consensual to a relationship which neither of them acknowledge. Derek refuses to cuddle her or give Nikki any breaks, but then turns around and accuses Nikki of being emotionally unavailable and blames her obsession with her mom's relationship with his dad for it. Along the way, they find history repeating itself when Derek's ex Kayla turns up pregnant. The rest of the story deals with the angst they face with basically an unwanted love triangle similar to the one Jamie, Mike and Sarah had. Derek becomes overworked, tired, neglectful and upset while Nikki goes out of her way to help him but becomes resentful, suspicious, accusatory and miserable. At the beginning Nikki is strong and cuts Derek out of her life only to end up miserable and pitying his situation. Nikki demands that Derek put her first (opposite to Jamie) when takes him back. However, Kayla manipulates events and Derek gets sucked into her drama only to consistently let Nikki down to the point of lying and hiding the truth from Nikki. Emotionally overwrought, Nikki makes the tough decision to break up with Derek and move away with her Bio dad, Alex who doesn't want Nikki to repeat Jamie's mistakes.

Nikki - average girl who was shunned because her mother killed Derek's mom. Nikki grows up knowing all about Jamie's past and is hellbent on not repeating it, to the point that she mistreats the nice boyfriend, Andy. She completely uses him and has no remorse. She doesn't give him a second though while cheating on him and using him to make Derek jealous. Any was her one loyal and good friend who overlooked her past and tried to comfort her, but Nikki continues to treat him like a doormat. So it was almost karmic that Nikki in turn was walked all over by Derek even if it wasn't on purpose. Nikki was all over the map in terms of her views on love. She was staunchly against falling in love, then falls in love with not only the "enemy" but also a guy who couldn't give her what she needed. Their relationship was troublesome even though it didn't need to be. I ugly cried through the last 1/4 of the story because I identified so much with what the h was going through.

Derek - hot alphahole turned sweet boyfriend. He treats Nikki like nothing more than a hookup, but turns sweet overnight doing thoughtful things and treating her well until he doesn't. He is a typical teen in that he doesn't handle his problems well and shuts down which confuses Nikki and makes her feel alone. I didn't understand Derek's motive in hooking up with Nikki. I can't believe she was the best Derek's had while she was a virgin. It would have been more believable if Derek made her his sex slave simply because he hated her. It was also farfetched that Derek gave up all his power over Nikki and relented to her demands. i.e. cuddling. Aside from that, I think the way Derek was written was pretty accurate to what might happen IRL. All the pressures he was facing would have taken it's toll and the way Derek acted was pretty natural no matter how much it was anti-hero. That's why it is hard to hate him, even with the bullying, and not want them to be endgame. I found it interesting that Derek was written in such a way that the reader hates, loves, is indifferent, heartbroken about Derek. I'm not sure if it was done on purpose, which would have been brilliant, or whether it was simply jagged writing, the hazards of a rookie author's debut.

My complaints - The story focused on 3 or 4 main events but was not quite portrayed smoothly. The whole Mike/Jamie/Sarah love triangle was tedious and annoying until you realize it's overall influence over the MC's lives. However, the way it was depicted could have been polished. It would have been more effective if we'd been shown, not told about this epic love Jamie had for Mike. Then the whole dream sequences foretelling Kayla's pregnancy was just ridiculously farfetched.

I also didn't like the way Derek and Nikki's relationship was depicted. Their pacing was jagged in the first half of the story. It would have been worth it to allow their relationship to progress naturally instead of virtual instalove. The Kayla drama was a necessary evil but was deviously good because it was suspect from the start. The way she conveniently used it, never had info (due date, ultrasounds etc.) and the whole possibility of the conception etc. The way the story progressed and the highly fishy events, I expected Kayla's pregnancy to be a complete sham but what a twist!

I really don't know if I agreed with the ending. On the one hand I absolutely wanted Derek and Nicole to be endgame. But I also agree that they needed time apart if not for anything but to reevaluate their priorities and their relationship...especially Derek who was taking Nicole for granted. But Nicole too needed to give Derek his space and be less suspicious which was really a catch 22.

I am glad there is a part 2 and I am very hopeful that it will provide the closure that I need. I hear that it is set about 20yrs in the future, so I am disappointed that so much time was lost. But, I'm still hopeful.

[Newgirl · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sooooo, as it turned out, I managed to finish the book.



I skipped many pages to get to the end. Well, it actually quite nice to read the Nikki is finally leaving. Good for you, girl.
But seriously, I have so many problems with this book. First, the rape. I don't care how the writer tried to justified Derek's later action to Nikki, but he did rape her in the beginning. And to read Nikki's reaction about it just makes me angry and sad. Angry because how could the writer do this to her character and imagine any young woman out there who has the same experience, (partying and drinking and then found out later that she passed out and some guy had sex with her unconscious body) reading this book! it enraged me. Sad because the writer is a woman and how could a woman wrote the story like this, with characters like that?!

I just, ugh,...

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was actually supposed to be reading a different book but started the sample of this one and it distracted me!
Really enjoyed this story. There were definitely some sad parts but I thought Niki was a really great character, not annoying like a lot of female characters in these genres. I liked that she didn't have a ton of friends or really even a best friend, because I mean not everyone does. I liked very much that the characters felt real, even when I didn't understand in the moment why they were doing what they were doing, I understood by the time everything was done and over with.
Nice ending too! Not what I expected. Would recommend it.

[Lynette · Rating 1 out of 5]

To much repetition. I realize that's the point. But an entire book of it was beyond tiresome. It made the h unlikeable more than the H, who was just young and stupid. Very, very stupid.
But now I have to read book 2 and hope I like someone. Usually I do not bother, but I've liked one of this author's books so much before by the end, that I shouldn't have, that I'm chasing that high. Ugh. I sometimes wish there was a book support group to help with my problem. But last time I went, I left with an assignment to read another book so I'm doomed...

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my God, this book made me cry.

So I won this book in a giveaway, and I wasn't sure what to expect but I loved the cover and I dove right in!

I loved the story and the characters. I can't think of any complaints. Can't wait to read the next one.

I had a picture of how I invisioned Derek that I was saving for the review, but I don't know where it went. :[

[Maisha Farzana · Rating 1 out of 5]

Stupid book...waste of my time😠😠😠 Being raped is not ok and it is not a small matter...😠😠😠All the heroes of this author are disgusting..they have the same personality and also are rapists...and the heroines of her books are pure idiots...hate them also..