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Washing the Dead
“Intimate, big-hearted, compassionate and clear-eyed, Brafman’s novel turns secrets into truths and the truth into the heart of fiction.” — AMY BLOOM , author of Lucky Us and Away
“From roots in one religious tradition, comes a tale of emotional redemption for all of us. Michelle Brafman’s astonishing compassion for all human frailty infuses this story about the need for truth and the promise of forgiveness.” — HELEN SIMONSON , author of Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand
“Heartfelt and genuine, Washing the Dead never betrays the complicated truths of family and tradition.”
— DAVID BEZMOZGIS , author of Natasha and Other Stories and The Betrayers
“Like a Jewish Anne Lamott, Brafman reels you in with warmth, depth and heart.” — SUSAN COLL , author of The Stager and Acceptance
Three generations of women confront family secrets in this exquisitely wrought debut novel that examines the experience of religious community, the perilous emotional path to adulthood, and the power of sacred rituals to repair damaged bonds between mothers and daughters.
“From roots in one religious tradition, comes a tale of emotional redemption for all of us. Michelle Brafman’s astonishing compassion for all human frailty infuses this story about the need for truth and the promise of forgiveness.” — HELEN SIMONSON , author of Major Pettigrew’s Last Stand
“Heartfelt and genuine, Washing the Dead never betrays the complicated truths of family and tradition.”
— DAVID BEZMOZGIS , author of Natasha and Other Stories and The Betrayers
“Like a Jewish Anne Lamott, Brafman reels you in with warmth, depth and heart.” — SUSAN COLL , author of The Stager and Acceptance
Three generations of women confront family secrets in this exquisitely wrought debut novel that examines the experience of religious community, the perilous emotional path to adulthood, and the power of sacred rituals to repair damaged bonds between mothers and daughters.
344 pages, Paperback
First published March 16, 2015
44 people are currently reading
580 people want to read
About the author
Michelle Brafman
7 books76 followersWriting is not my first gig. I’ve also worked as a coffee barista, radio advertising salesperson, and filmmaker, among other jobs. My resume reads like a ransom note, yet this assortment of life experiences has propelled me toward my big passion, the coaxing and telling of stories.
As a filmmaker, the stories that surfaced after the cameras stopped rolling drove me to write some bad short fiction. I kept writing, though, and eventually earned an MA in fiction writing from Johns Hopkins University. My short fiction has since won some nice awards, including a special mention in the Pushcart Prize Anthology, and my essays and stories have appeared in Slate, the Washington Post, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Tablet, Lilith Magazine, the minnesota review, and numerous other publications. I am currently at work on my third book of fiction, a novel titled Status Change.
In addition to my own writing, I help others find and tune their narrative voices. I teach creative writing at The Johns Hopkins MA in Writing Program, the George Washington University, The Washington Center for Psychoanalysis’ New Directions Program, and smaller workshops throughout the Washington, DC area. In 2003, I founded Yeah Write, a writing coaching business.
A Milwaukee,Wisconsin native and University of California, San Diego alum, I still dream about Kopp’s custard and La Jolla Cove swims. I now live just north of the Washington, DC border, in Glen Echo, Maryland, with my husband and two children.
As a filmmaker, the stories that surfaced after the cameras stopped rolling drove me to write some bad short fiction. I kept writing, though, and eventually earned an MA in fiction writing from Johns Hopkins University. My short fiction has since won some nice awards, including a special mention in the Pushcart Prize Anthology, and my essays and stories have appeared in Slate, the Washington Post, the Los Angeles Review of Books, Tablet, Lilith Magazine, the minnesota review, and numerous other publications. I am currently at work on my third book of fiction, a novel titled Status Change.
In addition to my own writing, I help others find and tune their narrative voices. I teach creative writing at The Johns Hopkins MA in Writing Program, the George Washington University, The Washington Center for Psychoanalysis’ New Directions Program, and smaller workshops throughout the Washington, DC area. In 2003, I founded Yeah Write, a writing coaching business.
A Milwaukee,Wisconsin native and University of California, San Diego alum, I still dream about Kopp’s custard and La Jolla Cove swims. I now live just north of the Washington, DC border, in Glen Echo, Maryland, with my husband and two children.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews
May 15, 2016
I'm 33% into this book and for the second time I've had to take a break because I'm so exhausted by the whining and victim playing in this I want to give up.
I appreciate that for some people this will be a therapeutic book that opens up some one else's struggle to reconcile childhood events and the effects of that as an adult. For me learning about another culture is interesting. My problem is I feel I've heard this story a 100 times and because the writing style is not engaging in comparison to the last book I read. I am just bored and annoyed with the main character Barbara's helplessness, she is so helpless where is her feistyness? she has alot of fight, I just wish she bit more.
I hate to quit books but I feel life is too short to read books you don't enjoy.
I appreciate that for some people this will be a therapeutic book that opens up some one else's struggle to reconcile childhood events and the effects of that as an adult. For me learning about another culture is interesting. My problem is I feel I've heard this story a 100 times and because the writing style is not engaging in comparison to the last book I read. I am just bored and annoyed with the main character Barbara's helplessness, she is so helpless where is her feistyness? she has alot of fight, I just wish she bit more.
I hate to quit books but I feel life is too short to read books you don't enjoy.
June 17, 2015
I was immediately engrossed by this story about Barbara, a kind-hearted, middle class woman who grew up in the Orthodox Jewish community in Milwaukee. Barbara had an early idyllic childhood, shielded from hardship, deep into connection with friends and Jewish community, when she finds out a secret about her mother with devastating impact. Washing the Dead is about how the fallout from this secret has shaped Barbra's current relationship with her adolescent daughter and her aging mother.
I was particularly gripped by the relationship between the teenage Barbra and her mother especially as her mother becomes increasingly despairing and disconnected from the family. Witnessing Barbra carry the burden of her mother's secret and her subsequent breakdown, while trying to care for her was heartbreaking. These sections of the book felt very immediate to me and I could feel the dread that Barbara experiences as anger and fear divide mother and daughter until her mother leaves the family and Barbara moves out to begin her own journey as an adult.
The second part of the book shows how Barbara, overwhelmed by her mother's aging and subsequent move closer, and her worry that her daughter will carry the legacy of depression and poor decision making into the next generation almost falls apart. This part of the book felt somewhat flat to me. It was moving to read about how the rabbi's wife reached out to the adult Barbara to take responsibility for the ways that Barbara became somewhat of an outcast in the temple, and help her understand her mother better yet some sections felt distant and not as riveting as the childhood story.
I loved the title of the book and all it implies about how Barbara took care of her mother and herself, along with the rabbi's wife and others. I saw it as a gift; to her mother's imperfect life, to her own growth and ability to forgive and her own wise daughter's counsel during this time.
Thank you to Edelweiss for allowing me to read this book for as honest review.
I was particularly gripped by the relationship between the teenage Barbra and her mother especially as her mother becomes increasingly despairing and disconnected from the family. Witnessing Barbra carry the burden of her mother's secret and her subsequent breakdown, while trying to care for her was heartbreaking. These sections of the book felt very immediate to me and I could feel the dread that Barbara experiences as anger and fear divide mother and daughter until her mother leaves the family and Barbara moves out to begin her own journey as an adult.
The second part of the book shows how Barbara, overwhelmed by her mother's aging and subsequent move closer, and her worry that her daughter will carry the legacy of depression and poor decision making into the next generation almost falls apart. This part of the book felt somewhat flat to me. It was moving to read about how the rabbi's wife reached out to the adult Barbara to take responsibility for the ways that Barbara became somewhat of an outcast in the temple, and help her understand her mother better yet some sections felt distant and not as riveting as the childhood story.
I loved the title of the book and all it implies about how Barbara took care of her mother and herself, along with the rabbi's wife and others. I saw it as a gift; to her mother's imperfect life, to her own growth and ability to forgive and her own wise daughter's counsel during this time.
Thank you to Edelweiss for allowing me to read this book for as honest review.
December 27, 2018
FABULOUS! This book has a little romance, some mystery and a family with deep, dark secrets....great read!
April 19, 2021
This story grabbed my heart. It's not usual that a novel makes me cry, but this one did. Branfman explores the cancer of family secrets and how they can infect generations. The novel centers around an Orthodox Jewish family and community though it is non-denominational. This ultimately uplifting story is one of self-exploration and acceptance. I highly recommend it.
March 14, 2021
I love reading about Orthodox Jews and this book was extremely fascinating. I do wish there was a glossary though because I had to look up most of the Jewish references and phrases that I had not heard before.
June 15, 2015
I first met Michelle Brafman's book, Washing the Dead, as a reviewer for the 2015 Gaithersburg Book Festival and it was my #1 choice of all the new books I reviewed. I liked it so much that I went out and purchased a copy for myself.
Washing the Dead tells the story of a young woman ripped away from her religious community for her mother's indiscretion -- but not is all as it seems as you will find out after you read the book. The mother and daughter grew estranged only to be reunited many years later by the death of the young woman's mentor. Washing the Dead refers not only to the symbolic ritual of returning the body to the earth, but also to cleanse the bad blood and estrangement between mother and child.
If there is one book to read this summer, it's Washing the Dead.
(Side Note: I was walking in a farmer's market and overheard multiple people gushing about the book. It has the word-of-mouth buzz most authors could only dream of.)
Washing the Dead tells the story of a young woman ripped away from her religious community for her mother's indiscretion -- but not is all as it seems as you will find out after you read the book. The mother and daughter grew estranged only to be reunited many years later by the death of the young woman's mentor. Washing the Dead refers not only to the symbolic ritual of returning the body to the earth, but also to cleanse the bad blood and estrangement between mother and child.
If there is one book to read this summer, it's Washing the Dead.
(Side Note: I was walking in a farmer's market and overheard multiple people gushing about the book. It has the word-of-mouth buzz most authors could only dream of.)
July 15, 2016
I did not care for this book. Although Washing the Dead has many well written sections, the plot does not hang together. While it centers on the damaged relationship of Barbara and her mother June, there are too many difficulties among the family members to ring true. I also found the influence of Rebbetzin Schine unbelievable. There is an almost unsavory tone to the way the author describes the Baal teshuva Orthodox synagogue. And of course, Barbara is married to a saint who understands her moods and is not frazzled by their daughter's ADHD. By the time, Barbara uncovers all her mother's secrets, the reader is numb. .
June 3, 2015
Very well written novel about an Orthodox Jewish community in Milwaukee, main character is a woman who grew up in the ultra orthodox congregation there, and then left and came back.
The title, "washing the dead" refers to the Orthodox tradition of washing the body of a loved one or a member of the shul, so I first thought it would be morbid, but it wasn't. Rather, book opens up with the first washing, which Barbara, the main character participates in at the request of the Rebbitzin as a way to pull her back into the community.
The title, "washing the dead" refers to the Orthodox tradition of washing the body of a loved one or a member of the shul, so I first thought it would be morbid, but it wasn't. Rather, book opens up with the first washing, which Barbara, the main character participates in at the request of the Rebbitzin as a way to pull her back into the community.
May 18, 2015
A beautiful debut by Michelle Brafman, Washing the Dead is about a Jewish family in Milwaukee—and about a particularly difficult relationship between a daughter, who thinks she knows her mother's secrets, but really doesn't. Flashbacks at the middle of the novel bog it down some but keep reading until the end, it is worth it! Overall, this is a writer worth watching!
November 1, 2016
"Washing the Dead" is a very moving novel about a Jewish woman's relationships with her mother and her daughter. Themes of friendship, loss, and forgiveness weave through this very meaningful story.
This book was on a recommended list of novels by Jewish women writers. It was a wonderful discovery. A debut novel, I look forward to reading more of Michele Brafman's work.
This book was on a recommended list of novels by Jewish women writers. It was a wonderful discovery. A debut novel, I look forward to reading more of Michele Brafman's work.
January 4, 2017
I was raised Catholic and now lean towards being more spiritual in practice however I have many observant Jewish friends and I enjoy learning more about their culture and tradition. I liked the story but at times it felt weighted down by the main characters continued self reflection. It also shifted between the past and present quite a bit and sometimes without warning which was a bit confusing.
September 21, 2015
Heavy-handed, clumsy, full of unnecessary details and memory snippets that distracted.
I'm perplexed by the praise.
I'm perplexed by the praise.
May 11, 2015
The premise of the book was great and I really enjoyed parts of it, but other sections were so obvious and the narrator so clueless it became somewhat annoying at times.
November 18, 2015
Wow. Just finished reading Washing the Dead, a powerful story about mothers and daughters. Add this to your to read list. Now.
August 17, 2021
We will have much to talk about in book club about this book.
December 12, 2017
I'm not sure I liked this book, but I'm really glad I read it. It's not feel-good, but it is good, if that makes sense. This is a very well written fiction examination of broken mother-daughter relationships in an Orthodox/Secular Jewish home, spanning three generations. It's also one of the only fiction accounts I've come across that includes detailed description of Tahara. I appreciate un-tidy endings, and this book did not disappoint on that front; not as in a sequal is coming, but more as in this is the way life is. Recommended.
January 7, 2018
our group read 2 different books dealing with the same subject-- very different settings and stories. (The other was A Remarkable Kindness by Diana Bletter) Both were worth reading and it was interesting to compare the two. However, as someone who is part of our local "chevra kadisha" who does taharas (the ritual washing prior to burial) I felt there were inaccuracies or at least things that were not according to my understanding standard practice. They definitely made for interesting discussion and are worthwhile to give a view to an area that is not often talked about.
September 6, 2023
What a lovely read. Centered on the rituals and certainty of life in a conservative Jewish world, and then a removal from it, this story resonated even though I am not Jewish or religious. Its plot and descriptions underscore the constraints proscriptive and ritualistic religions put on adherents, but also makes it easy for the reader to understand the attraction to such beliefs and the comfort of knowing your place in the world brings to people.
I appreciated the originality of this plot; I can't say I've ever read a book quite like it.
I appreciated the originality of this plot; I can't say I've ever read a book quite like it.
March 19, 2018
I found this book so compelling. I love books that deal with this community and this one did not disappoint. I recently met the author and her story of writing this book enhanced my understanding and deepened my appreciation.
June 2, 2018
Very moving and kept me guessing on what was next! Love the way story fit together by the end.
Wonderful story telling by author. Weaved 3 generations of women together. By thee end all 3 had learned about each other’s strengths
Wonderful story telling by author. Weaved 3 generations of women together. By thee end all 3 had learned about each other’s strengths
March 27, 2020
Found this book in an old guitar case right before a trip to DC.....not my normal read but an interesting tale of three generations of Jewish women from Wisconsin....lots of rituals, questions and guilt....interesting....
August 9, 2020
Possibly one of the better books I’ve read lately. I had to double check that this was fiction because the mother daughter relationships are so very relatable. Well written. Descriptive without being wordy. Good character development and overall a good story.
June 14, 2017
An easy read, a look into Orthodox Judaism and a good story about intergenerational relationships
July 8, 2017
Well written with a fascinating peek into traditional, conservative Judaism.
September 22, 2017
I loved this book. Her writing is beautiful, but it is a good idea to have a dictionary handy as she throws around a lot of Hebrew and Yiddish words that I did not know. I highly recommend it.
February 16, 2019
I loved the relationships and the characters in this novel, and the Jewish setting. I could not put this down.
November 17, 2019
As a former Miwaukean I both enjoyed the local references, and found them overdone. She packed so much into the plot...
December 25, 2021
DNF'd after just a few chapters. The writing was poor, and life's just too short :(
Read
January 4, 2019p. 33 The sound of my nockname on her lips felt like a goft, the wrapping paper her voice, as soft as the cloth she used to clean her silver.
p. 45 You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child”
p. 231 I am getting so pissed at Barbara because she refuses to consider her mother's and the Shabos Goy's relationship as anything but sexual. Have to finish it, but I'm so sick that reading it is giving me a headache. Could just be the congestions but. I may miss bookclub and have so many other things I'd rather read.
p. 45 You’re only as happy as your unhappiest child”
p. 231 I am getting so pissed at Barbara because she refuses to consider her mother's and the Shabos Goy's relationship as anything but sexual. Have to finish it, but I'm so sick that reading it is giving me a headache. Could just be the congestions but. I may miss bookclub and have so many other things I'd rather read.
August 12, 2015
This was a deeply transcendent book, which was so very Jewish, but so universal to the mother/daughter relationship as well.
I think Brafman's biggest triumph was in how she handled Barbara's relationships, from her lifelong idealization/devotion to Tzippy, to the ups and downs with her much more unquestioning, take-life-as-it-comes husband, to the way she establishes herself as the caretaker to many of Lili's friends and their moms, complete with minor idiosyncrasies, and that's not even counting most of the main cast.
When we were in the beginning flashbacks in the '70s, I was remembering Tova Mirvis's words in "The Outside World" about a time when the Orthodox and the Ultra-Orthodox mingled more freely, but specifically Brafman painted the rebbetzin with a sympathetic brush. She certainly had her convictions, but her genuine caring for June and Barbara shone through. She was a very human figure, and her counseling sessions didn't feel too schmaltzy.
If I were to raise that complaint for one part of the story, I might go with the Coxes, specifically Barbara's dramatic conclusion with them. I just get a little eyebrow archy whenever a character has two distinctly personal but highly unrelated tragedies happen to them at the same time. But other than that, the Coxes were a fun and intriguing way for Barbara to have a rebellious phase. I particularly liked that I couldn't just blame her mom for her bad behavior; I could see how Barbara was engaging in running away and self-denial, too.
Just what a thoughtful, multifaceted way to look at the pieces, good and bad, that hold our lives together--from Barbara's grieving about the past and caretaking in the present, to Lili's running to self-medicate and how she copes/rebels when her own life goes off the rails. June was certainly the most unknowable, for all of her secrets and also her spacey depression, even when she was physically healthy. There's a lot of subtle flow about how these emotions pass from mother to daughter, plus all of the beautiful imagery with the mikveh and tahara ceremony for rejuvenation and forgiveness. Really was a touching read.
I think Brafman's biggest triumph was in how she handled Barbara's relationships, from her lifelong idealization/devotion to Tzippy, to the ups and downs with her much more unquestioning, take-life-as-it-comes husband, to the way she establishes herself as the caretaker to many of Lili's friends and their moms, complete with minor idiosyncrasies, and that's not even counting most of the main cast.
When we were in the beginning flashbacks in the '70s, I was remembering Tova Mirvis's words in "The Outside World" about a time when the Orthodox and the Ultra-Orthodox mingled more freely, but specifically Brafman painted the rebbetzin with a sympathetic brush. She certainly had her convictions, but her genuine caring for June and Barbara shone through. She was a very human figure, and her counseling sessions didn't feel too schmaltzy.
If I were to raise that complaint for one part of the story, I might go with the Coxes, specifically Barbara's dramatic conclusion with them. I just get a little eyebrow archy whenever a character has two distinctly personal but highly unrelated tragedies happen to them at the same time. But other than that, the Coxes were a fun and intriguing way for Barbara to have a rebellious phase. I particularly liked that I couldn't just blame her mom for her bad behavior; I could see how Barbara was engaging in running away and self-denial, too.
Just what a thoughtful, multifaceted way to look at the pieces, good and bad, that hold our lives together--from Barbara's grieving about the past and caretaking in the present, to Lili's running to self-medicate and how she copes/rebels when her own life goes off the rails. June was certainly the most unknowable, for all of her secrets and also her spacey depression, even when she was physically healthy. There's a lot of subtle flow about how these emotions pass from mother to daughter, plus all of the beautiful imagery with the mikveh and tahara ceremony for rejuvenation and forgiveness. Really was a touching read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 76 reviews