Wild Awake: A Heart-Wrenching YA Novel of First Love, Family Secrets, and One Summer

by Hilary T. Smith

In Wild Awake , Hilary T. Smith's exhilarating and heart-wrenching YA debut novel, seventeen-year-old Kiri Byrd has big plans for her summer without her parents. She intends to devote herself to her music and win Battle of the Bands with her bandmate and best friend, Lukas. Perhaps then, in the excitement of victory, he will finally realize she's the girl of his dreams. But a phone call from a stranger shatters Kiri's plans. He says he has her sister's stuff—her sister, Sukey, who died five years ago. This call throws Kiri into a spiral of chaos that opens old wounds and new mysteries. Like If I Stay and The Perks of Being a Wallflower , Wild Awake explores loss, love, and what it means to be alive.

Genres: Young Adult, Contemporary, Romance, Realistic Fiction, Music, Fiction, Mental Health

400 pages, Paperback

First published May 28, 2013

Reviews

[Keertana · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilary T. Smith stops by on the blog to talk about the journey her character, Kiri, takes. You can check out her post HERE.

I think the last time I felt this strangely disjointed and certifiably insane after reading a book was shortly after closing the cover of This is Shyness, which is pretty darn perfect. Wild Awake is...life. Hilary T. Smith's debut is one of those books that will spark controversy once the right people read it; the kind of people who don't fully understand this book and want to tear it down. For others, though, Wild Awake will sing a special tune, will whisper a secret world, and unlock a store of hidden memories and dreams. As for me, I think I fall somewhere right smack-dab in the middle because Wild Awake left me speechless, but still slightly doubtful of my true feelings for it.

Wild Awake is a novel about grief. And, as you know, grief makes people do crazy things. At first glance, this seems to be a novel about a girl who has her entire summer spread out before. Not only have her parents left her alone at home, gallivanting on vacation themselves, but her older brother is away at camp, leaving Kiri, our protagonist, to a summer of piano practice and smoking pot with her best friend. Yet, Kiri’s seemingly perfect summer is disrupted by a phone call that tells her to pick up her sister’s belongings – her sister's belongings from five years ago when she died – and her whole world is turned upside down.

Now, to be perfectly honest, Wild Awake startled me at times. It is a realistic portrayal of life, which is possibly why it's so messy and chaotic. Kiri is a protagonist who is lost within her world after the sudden revelation of her sister's death, but she's also focused on entering into a piano competition, and she's also crushing on her best friend, and her parents are also away on vacation for months on end, and she's also flirting with a bike repair guy named Skunk and...you get it. Kiri is not just defined by her sister's death, a death she never got the time to mourn. A death she was unable to understand five years ago and is unable to come to terms with now. As Kiri has ups-and-down, as she spirals through life, not everything is perfect. At times, you can only watch as everything collapses and at other times, you cannot help but laugh right along Kiri as life displays its infinite beauty to her.

You are along with Kiri for this ride, though, that much is made clear. Hilary T. Smith is a talented writer, the kind who uses evocative phrases and drags you into her story. Emerging from Wild Awake is like waking up from a dream. Was all that real? Is it real? Can it be real? Yes, yes it can. As crazy as Wild Awake gets, it is an honest portrayal of a teen coping with her grief, with her sexuality, with growing up, and with finding who she is. It isn't pretty, and Kiri is often not likable - I still don't know if she's someone I would befriend - but Smith makes you crawl into her skin and understand her, no matter what. Moreover, you find your heart breaking at random moments, you yourself not sure why this book has affected you so. It's one of those books where if you look out the window for a second or two, you'll feel yourself being dragged further in or tearing up. Or both.

Of late, I've been running around complaining about contemporary YA. You may not have realized it, but I have. I've been demanding a novel that chronicles real friendships, that chronicles messy relationships, that deals with sexual desires, that allows a girl to be as un-contained and disaster-driven in life as she wants to be without being labeled as a rebel. Anything. Wild Awake responded to ALL of this.

Although Kiri's parents are absent for most of the book, their short appearance at the end makes up for this completely. Denny, Kiri's brother seems to be a rather stereotypical older brother at first, but their rocky relationship is real and gives way to hidden layers beneath. Kiri’s friendships, too, change, evolving into a connection that inspires more nostalgia than anything else over time. Even Kiri's own romance with Skunk is slightly sudden, rather strange, but oh-so-right. Both Skunk and Kiri aren't completely normal, aren't at complete right angles in their lives and by being together, things don't get solved. If you’re looking for one of those broken-people-heal-each-other novels, you won’t find it here. Yet, their presence, their understanding, their unconditional love...it helps them find their way independently, which is so much stronger than any all-consuming romantic angle could ever be.

Yet, best of all, I love Kiri. I love that Smith allows Kiri to lash out at others, to drink, to smoke pot, to do everything that a Serious Piano Student shouldn't do. And yet, Kiri is also that serious student. Kiri is more than her label and her drinking and running around at midnight isn't just her becoming a rebel, it's her finding herself. Smith isn't telling teens to do what Kiri is doing. Although her novel has drug usage in it, it isn't about using drugs. It's about getting out experiencing life and about coming to terms with who you are in whatever way you need to. And, granted, it doesn't espouse or suddenly liberate girls from their self-contained roles in life, with their parents, or in schools as either the timid goody-two-shoes or the punk-rock-rebel or the depressed-goth-chick. It doesn't outright do this all, but by making Kiri someone who can't be defined, by someone who is everything and more, I have fallen in love with Wild Awake.

The Bottom Line? Give Wild Awake a chance. I know the first few chapters are strange. I know that books about drinking or pot or hangovers aren't ones that most people want to read about. I know that there are other realistic books out there that aren't even half as messy as this one. But just try. If you don't like it, you only gave up a few short hours. And if you do, you just might find that small piece of your heart, so minuscule you didn't even know it was missing.

Thank you to Harper Collins for providing me with an ARC of this novel in exchange for an honest review.

If You Enjoyed Wild Awake, You Will Most Likely Enjoy These Novels...And Vice Versa:
~This is Shyness
~The Sky Is Everywhere
~Wish I Could Have Said Goodbye

You can read this review and more on my blog, Ivy Book Bindings.

[Wendy Darling · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars The blurb for this book doesn't begin to do it justice--it makes Wild Awake sound like any number of pleasantly quirky but ultimately unremarkable books, whereas this is a truly well-crafted, unusual, and dizzyingly complex story.

I love that it took me awhile to understand exactly what was happening in Kiri's frenetic world, I love the unconventional love-bison whose story is just as compelling as Kiri's, I love the bright and beautiful relationship Kiri had with her sister Sukey (as well as the terrible poignancy of what happened to her), and I love the emotional truthfulness of the story. Great writing, with a plot that peels layer by layer until its startling core is laid bare for your stunned contemplation. If you're a fan of This Song Will Save Your Life or contemporary YA, definitely don't miss this fantastic debut.

[caren · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book should be part of the advocacy campaign for child welfare laws. Seriously. What kind of parents, after losing one daughter to a brutal murder, leaves their only remaining daughter alone for SIX ENTIRE WEEKS so they can go on a romantic vacation for two?

Ones who should not ever be allowed to parent, that’s who.

I’ll admit, this book…it riveted me. Because it was crazy. Full-on batshit. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not being insensitive to those with mental health problems, trust me. I understand it better than you will ever know, but I’m not sure I get the point of writing about it in this way. If anything, I think it’s the author here who’s been insensitive. Don’t tackle a subject like this if you’re not going to do it right! Where’s the lesson here? Where is the resolution? What did this book teach me? Nothing, other than that this author has the ability to mimic a pretty well detailed psychotic episode on paper, and to demonstrate the ways in which to grind up a nug and pack a bowl.

I’m baffled as to how this was bought and is now being marketed as a young adult novel, because I can tell you right now, if I had a young adult…I would never, ever allow him or her to read this. This book isn’t suitable for children with impressionable minds who might think Kiri’s summer adventures are something to mimic. Like riding a bicycle into downtown to meet some sketchy guy after dark. Like going into said strange guys sketchy apartment building even after being warned that it could be a scam. Like going home with someone she doesn’t know who’s offered to fix her bike. Like accepting drugs from strangers!

I’m cringing at my own words right now, because I feel like I sound like one of those old crotchety ladies who shakes their fingers at anything fun, but really. I dare you to read this and then come back and tell me you don’t agree with what I’m saying. And if you don’t, I’d like to hear why, maybe you can enlighten me on something I missed.

[Reynje · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes books just speak to you, and this one basically climbed into my ear and shouted.

* * * * *

“The last thing I see before falling asleep is the Kali painting on Skunk’s wall. Her blue-gold body is draped in equal parts flowers and severed heads – as if beauty and horror were interchangeable and what matters most is trusting in the dance.”

When it comes to what we talk about when we talk about mental illness, Wild Awake is a full-throated, primal shout in a sea of polite murmuring. It is a painful and joyous cry, unapologetically discordant, demanding to be heard. It begins with a phone call and ends with a view; in between it is a burst of cacophonous music that sounds like nothing else, and somehow exactly as it should.

When I sat down to write this review, I debated whether or not to lead with mental illness; because Kiri wouldn’t. Kiri doesn’t see the world or herself in terms of illness and wellness. The parameters of her world are not rigidly defined, they are yielding and permeable, allowing the real and the unreal to flow freely and spill over into each other.

This is less a novel about being mentally ill than it is about simply being, and understanding how to be.

So I could open with the writing: the words I want to crawl into, curl around, taste, savour. I could talk about how reading this novel is sometimes like limping over shards of glass in its incisiveness, sometimes like sinking into a lucid dream. As Kiri’s mental state unfurls against a backdrop of midnight bike rides, music, death and love, Smith articulates how it is both terrifying and seductive, and how it is possible to find something beautiful buried at the heart of so much pain.

Or I could talk about the characters: sharply drawn and as real as if they breathed within the pages, emerging from Smith’s prose fully formed and vital, beating with energy. About Kiri’s voice, the layers of humour and sadness and the insistent, urgent rhythm of her hypermanic spiral.

Or the vividness of Kiri’s world, a setting that’s as much a part of her as it is a physical place, streets and buildings made familiar with the passing of each page. The world that is carved out between Kiri, Skunk, Doug and Sukey and the spaces their memories and emotions inhabit.

But if you are looking for a straightforward, redemptive (and arguably reductive) narrative about mental illness that includes “affix Label A here” and “insert Medical Intervention here” and “cue Closure here” you might be disappointed in Wild Awake. This is simply not that book.

Wild Awake is not overly concerned with naming and defining things, rather it’s about experiences, how beauty and horror manifest in different lives, and how people respond and internalise them. Yet nor is it a flippant novel, glossing over the pain and fear that often accompany mental illness. And neither is it a prescriptive novel, assigning one viewpoint or choice in a blanket message. Instead, it is about uniqueness of experience, how no one will see the world exactly the same as another person, no one will hear exactly the same music as they go about their lives, everyone chooses a slightly different path.

“People like to think everything can be explained by chemistry.”

There is a telling line in the novel – during a conversation about whether Toilet Duck or Windex is more trustworthy – that references the tendency to attribute various human experiences to chemistry. This mentality informs much of our current dialogue around mental illness and medication, and our apparent need to reduce these to tangible terms we can easily understand. We call it a “chemical imbalance”, we say “you wouldn’t criticise someone with [insert physical illness] for taking medication..” in an effort to justify and explain. This is not inherently wrong, but it is a limited, narrow view through which to approach the subject of mental illness. It’s part of the story, but not the whole; just one position on an entire spectrum of interpretation.

It’s difficult to talk about life-affirming novels without spouting clichés, but there is something validating about Wild Awake without it voiding the very real grief and darkness it contains within.

“It’s just a thing,” it seems to say. “It’s just a thing and you will be okay, whoever you are, whatever it is you feel.” And there is something very brave, and beautiful, about that.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

BookNook — Young Adult book reviews

I am so completely confused by Wild Awake. I read it, and I swear nothing happened. If you were to ask me to describe the plot of this book or the major conflict, I would have no idea what to tell you. Because there isn't really any overarching story or obstacle. It's basically about "a day in the life of a girl on weed" for an entire summer, and that amounts to a lot of randomness, weirdness, stream of consciousness, and plot points that are all over the place.

Wild Awake actually started out okay. Kiri realizes that her sister Sukey didn't die the way she thought she did. Instead of dying in a car crash like Kiri thought, Sukey was murdered. And I thought, "Oohh this is the start of a cool mystery" But that was basically the end of it. We just learn that one little new bit of information, and for some reason, it makes Kiri go insane. And yes, I guess it's sad and disturbing, but it literally makes Kiri go insane. Like smoking weed all the time, taking random drugs, being totally and completely psycho, becoming an insomniac... and that's just the beginning. I don't want to be a bitch, but I just kept thinking, "Grow up and get over it!!" It happened five years ago. I understand freaking out when she died, but now.. five years later? Just because it wasn't the way you thought? UGH!

And, God. Kiri. Was. So. Annoying. First, I should mention that I'm not into drugs or drinking or any of that. So it wasn't much fun for me to read a book about an insane girl (I think she's 16-ish) who smokes weed about a million times throughout the course of the book, accepts mysterious pills from strangers, and steals alcohol. And the way she acted just made her seem so stupid and immature. For example, just stupid things like this:

"You got hit by a car and you didn't tell me?"

I swing my legs off his lap and sit up. "Whatever, homey. The Way is an invincible fortress."

First of all, "The Way is an invincible fortress"?? Doesn't she just sound high? She probably was. But also, she got hit by a car and just brushed it off. She was laying in the street bleeding and doesn't think this is a big deal?

"You really should wear a helmet," he says, and I pat his big warm hand. "Oh, Bicycle Boy," I say. "Most things in life feel better when you don't have a chunk of Styrofoam strapped to your head."

So, after she gets hit by the car while riding her bike, her boyfriend tries to encourage her to wear a helmet. But nope. Apparently she's too cool for that. Seriously? And while we're talking about "Bicycle Boy", let's discuss the romance.

The romance in this book (if you can call it that) came out of nowhere. There was no chemistry, no build up, no sexual tension.. just two strangers meeting, then suddenly they're making out, and that officially makes them "a couple". Are you confused? Because I sure was. This "Bicycle Boy" guy (whose name I can't even remember) was really flat, boring, and underdeveloped. I guess it could be because he was more of a shy, closed off person, compared to Kiri's wild, insane, all-over-the-place attitude.. but still. If I don't love the couple, I can't buy into the romance.

As the story went on, I couldn't even figure out if the romance was supposed to be a significant part of the story or not. This brings us back to the "no overarching plot/conflict" point. Was the romance the side story? Because the lack of development would suggest so. But then what was the main story? It couldn't have been about Sukey because that was so left, right, and all over the place. Was it about smoking weed? Maybe. Kiri definitely did that a lot. Was it about the music? I guess it could be... but I don't even know. Because that was also all over the place. The only constant was Kiri's ever-growing insanity. But for me, it wasn't even an interesting or fascinating insanity that I could 'enjoy'. It was annoying, erratic, and didn't even get resolved. Kiri literally spirals downward and I thought there was going to be some epic resolution, but it never came.

I didn't know much about this book before starting it, but it still disappointed me. I thought this was going to be emotionally gripping, mysterious, and thrilling. But it was really just about a bratty, crazy, reckless, troubled teen who spirals downwards and turns into a pot-head insomniac. And in my eyes, that's not really a story. When the book ended, I literally thought, "What? That's it? That's the book?" It's more of a crazy stream of consciousness than anything else. It's like a journal of a crazy girl's drug-induced, sleep-deprived summer vacation.

I almost submitted this review, but then I read the quote on the cover again:

"This absorbing debut explores the most profound mystery of all: love."
—GAYLE FORMAN, New York Times bestselling author of If I Stay and Just One Day

You know it's bad when you have no idea what that quote is even referring to. What is the love that is explored in this book?

Is it the love between sisters?
No, because we never actually see Kiri and Sukey's relationship. We don't see it first hand, but Kiri does recap a few memories.. but when I saw those, I just saw a naïve girl romanticizing her drunk, druggie, prostituting, artistic sister. I mean, sure, they loved each other. But if this was supposed to be the focus of the book, there wasn't enough tying it all together, especially at the end. It just dropped off in such random places.

Is it romantic love?
No, because Bicycle Boy and Kiri aren't in love. They claim they are, but honestly, they're not. There was no falling in love phase for them. And throughout the entire book, we practically never even see them talk. There are no cute moments or sweet little happy bits. It's just Kiri telling the book, "We did that, that, that, and then that. And then I went home." The quote from above where he says, "You really should wear a helmet," is actually one of his longer lines in the book.

Is it love between parents and daughter?
No, because Kiri hates her parents. I honestly didn't think they were bad. Apparently Sukey hated them and now I get the impression that Kiri hates them. But why? They're not in the book that much, but from the glimpses I got, I didn't think they were bad. Maybe they weren't the most attentive parents, but they didn't ignore Kiri and they weren't abusive. They weren't the best parents in the world, but they weren't worth moving out of the house over.

Is it love between friends?
No, because after Kiri's thing with Lukas ends, Kiri doesn't have any friends.

The point I'm trying to make, is that I just have no idea what this book was about. Obviously some people do like it, so maybe it just wasn't for me. I couldn't relate to Kiri at all, and that's always a major problem. But if you are able to relate to her, then maybe you'll be able to enjoy the book a lot more. And if you're okay with someone smoking a shit-ton of weed, then that will help too.

[Jasprit · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wild Awake was a strange read. I remember when I first read the blurb last year I was so excited to get my hands on a copy, it had the signs of a mystery and a romance all rolled into one. And when I started my copy it was great; Kiri receives a call out of the blue saying that she has to collect her sister’s stuff. Kiri’s freaked, her sister died in a car accident five house years ago, what stuff could she have left?

I was all aboard on discovering the mystery behind Kiri’s sister Sukey’s death. Before this call out of the blue, Kiri’s life was all planned out, whilst her parents were away she would practice piano for her big and upcoming showcase and in the rest of the time, she would practice for the battle of the bands with her friend Lucas.

But then she had to deal with getting to the bottom of the truth, what had really happened to Sukey? Kiri had always looked up to Sukey, no matter that her family had abandoned her, the time she spent with her meant so much. Kiri had a lonely road ahead of her, it was a murky and dangerous path, and so I felt for her that she had no one to help her through it.

I really wanted to enjoy Wild Awake more, but the connection I had with Kiri’s character at the beginning sort of whittled out after her character took a nose dive into an abyss. She started behaving erratically, making impulsive decisions that her brother stayed home longer to keep an eye out on her, it was a depressing time for Kiri, and I totally understand why she went down that route with all the pressure and lies she had been told. But the Kiri which evolved was just too wild for me.

I don’t have a list of flaws for Wild Awake that could explain why it didn’t work for me. I think one of the reasons could be that I had this idea that Wild Awake would be a fun mystery read, but it ended up being a much darker read. It did deal with some realistic issues really well. But I think I just read this book at the wrong time and thus wasn’t able to connect with it as much as I’d hoped.

[ALPHAreader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sukey was Kiri Byrd’s sister. Sukey died four years ago in a car accident, when Kiri was 12. One of Sukey’s paintings hangs in Kiri’s room, the last remnants of her sister with the words: We gamboled, star-clad. Sukey kept the sister painting, Daffodiliad.

When she was younger, Kiri hung on Sukey’s every word and desperately wanted to be as cool as her older sister and admired by her.

Whenever Sukey spoke, it was like I was eating one of the magical cakes in ‘Alice in Wonderland.’ I grew taller and taller until my head bumped the ceiling, and the unhappiness of an hour ago shrank to the size of a pebble on the ground.

It didn’t matter that Kiri’s parents kicked Sukey out when she was a teenager and never took an interest in her artworks. It didn’t matter that after her death, the family seemed to have a secret agreement never to mention her again. It didn’t matter that Kiri’s older brother, Denny, got mean after Sukey died and eventually moved away to college. It didn’t matter, because while Sukey lived she was spectacular.

Now Kiri is following, somewhat, in her deceased older sister’s footsteps. Except where Sukey was all about easels and paints, Kiri is a pianist extraordinaire in the making and music is her thing. For the few weeks that her parents are away on an anniversary cruise, Kiri is home alone and practicing diligently for an upcoming (all important) piano recital and a Battle of the Bands school competition she’s entering in with her crush, Lukas. Kiri’s plan is to blitz the recital and cement herself as a piano prodigy, turn Lukas from her sometimes-ear-lobe-touching band buddy into her proper boyfriend and water mum’s azaleas while the parents are away.

But then Kiri receives a phone call, about Sukey and what she left behind. And then nothing goes to plan.

‘Wild Awake’ is the debut young adult novel by Hilary T. Smith.

Okay – confession. I was not cool enough to know precisely who Hilary T. Smith was before reading ‘Wild Awake’. Apparently, before being published, Smith was the formerly anonymous publishing industry blogger INTERN. I had never heard of INTERN before buzz about ‘Wild Awake’ had me reading bizarre author profiles of this woman who wrote her debut novel while living off-the-grid in cabins, houseboats and caravans and just generally being wanderlost. Seriously, Google Images of Hilary T. Smith and there are photos of her in said off-the-grid cabin with copies of ‘Wild Awake’ strewn all over the place. It’s pretty cool. And, apparently, she had a fairly devout following as the INTERN and people went bonkers-batshit when it was announced her YA novel was being published. And here we are, with ‘Wild Awake’. I may not be cool enough to have been up on the anonymous goings-on of the INTERN, but now that I’m acquainted with Hilary T. Smith I’ve got to say there’s something about this lady and her words … I may be a little wee bit obsessed.

The blurb for ‘Wild Awake’ gives very little away, and that’s probably a good thing. The book should be read in much the same way Kiri Byrd takes midnight bike rides – with that plummeting-stomach feel as you pick up speed going downhill and can barely see what’s right in front of you. The book begins benignly enough, with a set up like something out of a John Hughes film. Piano prodigy is left home-alone while parentals take a cruise … she’s meant to be practicing for her upcoming piano recital, but is also working on a Battle of the Bands set with her friend/mega-crush – coming-of-age/snogging/hilarity will no doubt ensue. Except it does and it doesn’t. Something gets caught in the spoke of Kiri’s wheel when she receives a mysterious phone call from someone who knew her dead older sister, Sukey. Someone claiming to have a bag full of Sukey’s possessions, and does someone from the Byrd family maybe want to come and collect?

With this phone call, Kiri is transported to Sukey’s death four years ago and old wounds are reopened with the bag of Sukey’s old things.

I buckle on the silver shoes and take an exploratory stroll around the room. They fit, which surprises me, and I stand there, teetering, feeling my legs lengthen like a stretched piece of gum.

When Kiri travels to the bad part of town and learns the truth of Sukey’s death, a slow spiral into long-awaited grief is triggered. Kiri starts acting erratically; causing her friend Lukas great concern and irritation, and making his mother (a social worker) think that Kiri is experiencing some sort of mania.

But in the midst of her grief and mounting mania, Kiri meets Skunk: a Hagrid-esque boy of eighteen who offers to fix her punctured bike wheel one night and who she keeps conjuring in moments of crisis. Skunk is a sweet if shy boy, who owns an apple-green guitar he wants to sell and who Kiri discovers takes Midnight Mass bike rides and is in training to be a bike mechanic.

There’s grief for her sister, panic over the piano recital, burning embarrassment after an incident with Lukas and Kiri spins and spins but holds onto the only calming thing in her new life, Skunk – who she nicknames her ‘love-bison’, sometimes ‘bicycle boy’.

Hilary T. Smith astounds me. Reading ‘Wild Awake’ is much like sitting down to a feast, when words and sentences on the page practically beg to be licked. Example;

The evening air smells like a pair of old jeans baking on a clothesline, and the sky is the colour of a squeezed peach.

Just: URGH!

After reading I did think that parts of the book were slightly conveniently contrived – the biggest being Kiri’s straight-lace-strict parents leaving her home alone to go on a cruise. But, y’know what? I don’t care. While I was in this book, I was right there riding alongside Kiri in the dead of night, gobbling up Smith’s stellar words and I didn’t care a lick about the loose plot so much as these characters and those scrumptious words.

This is a book about grief that, if anything, reassures readers that there’s no proper timeline or protocol for sadness and missing someone. Sukey died four years ago, but over the course of the book Kiri re-examines the hurt she felt as a 12-year-old who just lost her sister, as well as how she feels as a 16-year-old with a vastly altered view of Sukey and the events surrounding her death.

This is also a book about mental illness, but not as it’s normally explored. Hilary T. Smith doesn’t write an antiseptic, clinical story or paint-by-numbers characters with mental illness. Hers feels much more radical and honest – aided by the fact that adult characters are sparse and not around to be saving grace. I loved that mental illness isn’t necessarily written as something to be conquered or examined to death in this book, rather we read Kiri’s slide into mania and another character battle what he knows to be true with what his instincts tell him. I have read reviews by “concerned adults” on Amazon that the mental illness is not properly addressed in this book, but that’s bollocks. In reality, there is no neatly tied-with-a-bow conclusion or realization to write for mental illness, and I much prefer Hilary T. Smith’s handling of the subject to a lot of other YA authors I’ve read.

Hilary T. Smith also writes an unconventional romance. I admit, after the first chapter with Kiri and Lukas I was preparing the eye-rolls about this ‘golden god’ friend of hers who Kiri lusts after. So, tickle me surprised when Smith writes a far sweeter and appealing love interest in the love-bison;

It’s amazing how well you can get to know a person if you actually pay attention. People are like cities: We all have alleys and gardens and secret rooftops and places where daisies sprout between the sidewalk cracks, but most of the time all we let each other see is a postcard glimpse of a floodlit statue or a skyline. Love lets you find those hidden places in another person, even the ones they didn’t know were there, even the ones they wouldn’t have thought to call beautiful themselves.

So, trying to write this review was really, really hard. All I really wanted to do was groan appreciatively – URGGHHGHGHG – and then thump the book against my chest like some sort of Neanderthal because THERE ARE NO WORDS (ignore previous words). I loved ‘Wild Awake’, and I did fall into obsession with it. I love this author and her words and I just want more from her.

[Marga · Rating 2 out of 5]

Initial Reaction after reading:



Yup. Pretty much.

This book is about Kiri. Her sister Sukey, whom she idolized and was estranged from her parents, just died. One summer, her parent left her to fend for her own for them to have a romantic vacation for six weeks. Then one day, she received a phone call and that lead to her knowing that her sister was murdered instead of dying in a car crash. Her parents hid the truth from her and that event triggered Kiri to be...crazy.

This book didn't work for me for a lot of reasons.

1. Kiri

I didn't hate Kiri. No. I don't think I'll ever like a book where I wasn't feeling anything at all for the main character. It was a must. I could hate the MC but still love the book. I just couldn't connect with Kiri, really.

2. Her Parents

Seriously, they should consider counseling. They were missing for like most part of the book. I don't like that they did not reach out to Sukey enough. I mean, it was like they just washed their hands off the responsibility for her. It was their daughter after all, how can they give up like that? Also, if I were a parent, I wouldn't leave Kiri alone.

3. The romance

Well, if you ever call it that. When I found out that the guy was completely psycho, I really got scared. There was no build up. It was all so sudden that it happened after Skunk told Kiri that and I quote, "You're beautiful," says Skunk, "and completely batshit." They started kissing and making out and I was left being included in the Eyebrow People.

I felt sad. Have I missed something here? Did I read it in the wrong time? Because I swear, nothing spoke to me at all. I was indifferent. I read the positive reviews about this one and they seemed to say the it portray so, so much but I did not see anything at all.

The one thing that prevent me from giving this only one star is the writing. I had fun highlighting the quotes I liked..well, that's about it.

“The universe, I realize, is full of little torches. Sometimes, for some reason, it's your turn to carry one out of the fire - because the world needed it, or your family needed it, or you needed it to keep your soul from twisting into a shape that's entirely wrong.”

"Sometimes, a problem looks so small you can crush it between your fingers. Then you wake up one morning and it's eating you alive."

"I want to be good for the world — pure and true and wise and somehow saintly, somehow illuminated. I want to have experienced something that has changed me, and so I act changed."

Overall..

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This summer, Kiri's parents are on an extended vacation, leaving her to her own devices at home. She's poised to spend it hanging out with best friend/bandmate/crush Lukas making music and competing in battle of the bands. She's also made plans to practice piano because she's quiet accomplished and only wants to get better and better. Really, not that awful a summer.

But it's a phone call from a stranger who changes everything. He says he has some of her dead sister's things.

The sister who died years ago. From an accident. But it wasn't an accident like Kiri was told it was.

When Kiri goes out of her way to pick up those things, she learns its not about the things. In fact, it's about the people who she runs into and the people who help her work through the grief she thought she'd packed away so many years ago.

Smith's debut novel is fresh, alive, and has a helluva voice. Though at heart this is an exploration of grief, it never once falls into feeling like a grief novel. Kiri is a little bit off kilter, driven not only by wild hormones, but she's driven, too, by freedom. Together, she tries things and acts in odd and erratic but completely believable ways. She's consistently inconsistent, as anyone grieving would be.

And it's not Lukas who ends up capturing Kiri's heart. It's Skunk, the guy who fixed Kiri's bike on that first trip downtown to collect Sukey's things. When she thinks nothing of him then, it's through getting to know him better she discovers he has depths to him that speak to her deeply. He's passionate, he's into music, and he's mentally unstable. The love and acceptance Kiri has for someone like him, who could break at any moment, speaks volumes not only about Kiri and Doug, but also about the importance of relationships and the things of things that keep them growing and thriving.

There is a real beat and infusion of sound to this novel. It's pulsing and bright and alive. This isn't a mystery and it's not a story with great Depth and Seriousness. But because it's none of those things, it speaks volumes about the human experience, about living and loving, and about being present in the moment. In many ways, Kiri reminded me of Felton Reinstein -- they've both been thrown for a big loop, they're both navigating change without ever being a Lesson in the values of Change, and they're both alive and active by bike, at night, and through their respective talents. And at the end of the day, both are also about the importance of relationships, whatever way they come.

A few great quotes I marked in the book:

"Every disaster, every whim, every seemingly random decision came together to make this night happen. There are no mistakes -- just detours whose significance only become clear when you see the whole picture at once."

"It's amazing how well you can get to know a person if you actually pay attention. People are like cities: we all have alleys and gardens and secret rooftops and places where daisies sprout between the sidewalk cracks, but most of the time all we let each other see is a postcard glimpse of a skyline or a polished square. Love lets you find those hidden places in another person, even the ones they didn't know were there, even the ones they wouldn't have thought to call beautiful themselves."

"The universe, I realize, is full of little torches. Sometimes, for some reason, it's your turn to carry one out of the fire -- because the world needed it, or your family needed it, or you needed it to keep your soul from twisting into a shape that's entirely wrong."

Longer review to come. But what a great book. It made me happy. Just very happy.

[Steph | bookedinsaigon · Rating 4 out of 5]

When a strange caller informs young pianist Kiri Byrd he has the remains of her dead sister’s stuff—a sister who had been dead for years—Kiri’s life turns upside down. Kiri struggles to piece together what she’s learning about her sister, but doing so sets her on a crash course towards a breakdown, and only by acknowledging it can Kiri hope to live with it, to make it a part of herself.

With the weight of the expectations I placed upon its spine after declaring its synopsis to be one of the best I’d ever encountered, Hilary T. Smith’s debut novel WILD AWAKE had a lot to live up to. Fortunately, it was more than up to the task. WILD AWAKE reminded me of the best type of our favorite and revered Aussie YA: it’s whimsical and more than a little odd, but ultimately grounded in the solid reality of common emotions.

WILD AWAKE has many strengths, one of which is its startling and beautiful prose. It startles you because Smith is, oftentimes, just noting in passing an everyday detail or thought—only she does so in a way that makes you pause and actually notice what you otherwise would not. The prose tinkles like water trickling over crystal. Its brightness combines with the darker undertones of Kiri’s situation for a full symphony of bass emotions and soprano wonder.

From the start, Kiri as protagonist stands out. She is many things, has many identities—a serious pianist, a quipper; a dutiful daughter, a monomaniac—but she owns them all unabashedly, deliberately. Unlike other, forgettable YA protagonists who claim to be artists or rebels or whatever, Kiri doesn’t say: she just is, and that makes her being genuine. She’s unafraid to plunge herself into making mistakes, with the result that she gets more out of life than those who hang back. The times when she descends into a whirlwind of monomania are thrilling yet terrifying to read, because you see why she does it, why she needs to let herself go like that, and yet despite how seemingly carefree she is in those moments, you know it’s barely masking a deep, deep hurt. I desperately wish Kiri was real, because I think that her fearlessness, whether or not it’s enviable or reckless, would make me a better person.

That being said, in the end, it’s difficult to say what this book is about. The synopsis emphasizes the mysterious circumstances of Kiri’s sister’s death, but besides for being the catalyst for what happens in the book, finding out more about Sukey and what happened to her becomes less and less of a priority as the book flows along, replaced by Kiri’s deterioriating mental state. Which is a fine direction for a story to go, but still, a little…disorienting.

Nevertheless, WILD AWAKE was a story that lived up to its promises. It is more than the sum of its parts, more than just delectable prose, sympathetic character, and endearing family mystery. Go in with no anticipation of conventions, and enjoy the wild-awake ride.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Peculiar and lovely.

Not quite sure how to rate this one. I struggled with it at times, but I'm glad this story is in the world. I think YA needs more characters like Kiri.

[Audrey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wild Awake 3.5/5
 
My Thoughts:
 
You’ve probably heard of Wild Awake. If you haven’t you’re probably like me and disconnected from the more modern YA news, or perhaps this is old news that I just was never informed about. The synopsis means to grab your attention (it works) but it also doesn’t nearly prepare you for the actual book.
 
Kiri’s days are urgent, manic, and feel like the passed both too quickly and too slowly. She’s erratic and talkative, frenetically dedicated to piano, sleepless, high, and unusual. She’s unlike any protagonist I’ve read about, and it’s a double-edged sword.
 
On one hand, different is good. It’s a breath of fresh air surrounded by a cloud of worry for her antics and well-being. On the other hand, different also meant unrelatable and I can definitely see her character being a hit-or-miss. It’s obvious that Kiri’s going through some sort of episode kick-started by news about her sister’s death five years ago, whether it’s a nervous breakdown or monomania like her friend’s well-meaning mother thinks, or hypomania. And I liked it, with reservations. Yeah. It’s one of those things, sorry.
 
I applaud the approach, I really do. It felt Smith stepped outside the boundaries of mainstream contemporary and fearlessly tackled a difficult topic of mental illness, but while I thought the representation of the character holds true, it made the novel, as a whole, very tangled, unfocussed, and frazzled. There’s not really a plot. There’s a lot of things mashed together, love, music, grief, and it lacked cohesion—yet I felt like this style was done on purpose. And regardless of the true intent or whatnot, I didn’t really love it. I was like “well, Kiri goes on another chaotic adventure, now what? Oh, she’s going to do it again? Okay. And again? Okay. What now? Where is this headed?” And well, imagine that, throughout the entire book even up till the end where too many things are left unresolved.
 
I’ve talked about character a lot (very interesting), and the plot (too unfocused for my personal tastes), but what about the writing? It’s… both good and not my thing. Smith clearly has great control of language as her prose is littered with metaphors…. but her prose is littered with so many freaking metaphors. It feels over-written at many points, as if they decided to keep in every description and simile that they were proud of instead of striking out needless text that cluttered the prose. Yes, these metaphors are pretty and flowery, but they were also glaringly obvious and within the first 20 pages I couldn’t stop noticing them, and not in a good way. That said, I really liked the way Smith embodied the show-not-tell, and well, being inside Kiri’s mind was definitely an experience.
 
There is an undeniable stigma attached to mental illness, but books like Wild Awake are a step in the right direction-- it shows us the tangled, complex, and imperfect nature of humans and life.
 
I haven't touched on a lot of things-- character relationships in particular, but I really just want to stop rambling. I liked most of them, though. Oh! And this book is set in Vancouver (HECK YES, CANADA!! THEY NOTICED US, FRIENDS!) which is awesome.

[Zoe Stewart (Zoe's All Booked) · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't even know what to think. Nothing was resolved at the end, and I'm thoroughly annoyed by every character. I don't even want to process what I just read.

I'm still baffled by this one line: "Bicycle Boy, my brontosaurus of love, my love-bison."

What the actual fuck?

She calls this guy her love-bison the entire time...

What?

The phrase "we gamboled, star-clad" kept popping up too. I think now's the time to mention how much I fucking hated that line. I just dislike the word "gambol". Unless it's Gambol & Japes. That's beside the point though. That line is just dumb, and I can't be convinced otherwise.

I can never get that day of my life back.

[Kat Heckenbach · Rating 3 out of 5]

My thoughts on this book went a bit like this:

Opening: Not thrilled that the book opens with Kiri getting stoned. But give it chance...maybe that will be a lesson learned later. The writing is pretty good, but not blowing my mind. NOT buying the parents going off and leaving a 17 yr old girl alone for six weeks--especially on a cruise--when their other daughter died in a car accident.

A few chapters in: The writing is getting pretty stellar in places. I'm loving Kiri's voice for the most part, although some bits feel a mite Ayn Rand-y (overly somber and dramatic and redundant). Not entirely feeling Kiri's draw toward Sukey. Also, other than Petra and Skunk, and Kiri off and on, I'm not liking any characters.

Half-way to two thirds through: Awesome writing moments, but now Kiri is starting to lose me. I get that she's mourning and starting to freak out and all, but the story is unraveling a bit. Starting to see story threads dropping. And even though I think Skunk is great, I still can't picture him. The descriptions don't click--he's big with tattoos, but there are so many variance of that and one minute it seems she means one and the next another. And the whole "love bison" is really getting on my nerves. (Oh, and this must be said: In regards to Gingerly....he said, "No cat." WHY didn't she call him on that?)

Also, still not liking the other characters. Doug especially. And how freaking stupid is Kiri to keep going back there???

****SPOILER*****
Really, really not buying the parents leaving now. Not when their other daughter was actually murdered. These parents need serious help. They don't allow Kiri to drive because they've convinced her Sukey died in a car crash. That is twisted and manipulative.

***End spoiler***

Last third: Totally lost me. I finished, but started skimming. In the beginning, there was writing that took my breath away. Now, it's feeling forced, feeling like the author ran out of steam and is just pulling random phrases out of the air in an attempt to sound deep and disturbed. I am not liking Kiri at all at this point. I am begging Skunk to dump her and find someone who is not a complete narcissist. The Train Room scene near the end is completely obnoxious. Even though things work out in Skunk's favor, and Kiri keeps saying she's doing it all for him, I just get the feeling she's on some sort of Dr. Frankenstein high and I just want to smack her. Maybe this is the author's attempt at "showing" that Kiri's behavior--i.e. the drugs and "slootiness"--are not an example to follow.

The ending: I'm fine with not-happy endings. I'm fine with ambiguous endings. What I am not fine with are endings that feel like an unraveled string. And the idea I had that the final message is that drugs and teen sex aren't the best ways to deal with things...apparently wrong.

Listen, I get that you have to meet teens where they are and relate to them. But as an author (read: responsible adult), portraying drug use as a reasonable and common way of dealing with life is not cool. And no matter how sweet the guy is, sleeping with him when you've known him all of three days is not cool either. The ONLY way I could recommend this book is as a prompt to talk about what is WRONG with these situations, but I have a feeling the author wasn't going for that.

Lastly, I'm beginning to think I should include my personal rating scale in my reviews. I gave this one three stars because I read it all the way through. Two stars would be a book I stopped before the half-way point because even though the writing is competent, it's not great and the actual story/plot isn't working. One-star books I don't bother reviewing because the first few pages tell me the book never should have been published (massive typos, horrid voice, instantaneous hatred on my part).

The thing is, this book, if the writing in the beginning were like the writing toward the end, would have been a two-star, because I'd have stopped reading only a few chapters in.

Also, I try really hard not to rate based on my dislike of the subject matter. A book would have to be hateful to a specific demographic--racist, sexist, religion-bashing, gay-bashing--for me to include a rating based on that, regardless of the writing itself. This book was on the border for me, but it had its moments and I did read the whole thing.

[Navdha · Rating 2 out of 5]

Sometimes there are stories that talk about a serious topic and are an eye opener. Those are the books that make you relate with a character even when you’ve been through nothing that character is facing. Those are the books that make you wonder, “What if those things happened to me?”

Sadly, this is not that book.

Kiri Byrd is looking forward to her parents’ six week vacation prancing off in the world while she gets to:
a) stay home alone,
b) spend time with her bff and secret crush Lukas, practicing for Battle of the bands, and
c) attend her piano classes, smash the piano recital and come out with a scholarship for Julliard.
Only things don’t go as planned and her life goes haywire.

First off, I think the main focus of the story is built on shaky grounds. How is it actually possible to not know how your sister died? How was it possible for a twelve year old girl to not know that her sister was actually murdered and not killed in an accident? I think if I have to make excuses for Kiri, I’d say that she was in shock and mourning during the funeral but what does it say about her parents and brother? I get that they hid it from her to save her from the trauma but in my opinion, what follows later in the book, Kiri’s insomnia and drug overuse, is mostly due to her sense of betrayal by her own family. Everything else becomes too much for her to bear and even though I would in no way approve of her actions, I think I can understand her kamikaze antiques.

The author’s writing style is intense and powerful and hits you in a way that makes you stagger but the story and Kiri made the whole effect underwhelming for me. I could not relate to Kiri on any level. Her whole relationship.. err.. if you can call whatever Kiri had with that guy in the book (whose name I can’t recall and can’t be bothered to even look up) a relationship, was unreal and convoluted. I have mentioned it many times in my previous reviews that I like the stories I read to have a message to convey in the end. However, Wild Awake fails to do that on so many levels. The ending was just.. bizarre. I mean, I do get that T. Smith was going for an open-ended conclusion and wanted to leave the horizons open for the reader or whatever, but to me, it was just incomplete and pointless.

In the end, I would just like to say that the author couldn’t make me connect to the story. Sure, many others would have found it realistic and beautifully put, and I’m not trying to hamper your chances of reading this book; it’s just that there are many maybes and what-ifs in the story for me. Like, what if Kiri had just confronted her parents and gone blazing mad at them instead of not dealing with the situation at all? What if she had tried to handle the entire mess in a semi-decent, mature way? Maybe if her family had actually been there for her instead of being too selfish and uncaring, she wouldn’t have gone through any of it. The whole message and vibes the book gives all throughout is just sad and weird and unresolvable. Everything is thrown under the carpets. I realize that, that is exactly what people usually do with all their problems, and that too much shock and despair can make your body go into overdrive, so much that you just can’t shut down your thoughts and turn into an insomniac; but in the end, I expect the book to give me a closure. I can’t say Wild Awake gave me that.

So, I’m going to wrap up my review with a 2 stars rating.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. I'm going to do my best to articulate why I fell hard for it, but I'd like to start off by apologizing for how excessively long this review is. I also realize that not everyone will feel the same way that I did about this story, and it's possible that I liked it for all the wrong reasons. Honestly with all the drug induced shenanigans this girl gets up to, I'm surprised I enjoyed Wild Awake as much as I did. But I really, really did.

That book description above is extremely vague, what exactly is Wild Awake about?

Wild Awake is about a girl who wakes up to the life going on around her. She discovers that it is messy and loud and not easily organized (or categorized). It's also painful and vibrant and glorious. Wild Awake is about pressure and expectations and grief and madness. It is a series of moments strung like Chinese lanterns on a wire, more vibrant when you hang them all together.

So maybe that wasn't much more helpful. Basically, Wild Awake is about a girl named Kiri, who is home alone for 6 weeks during the summer, while her parents are on a cruise around the world. She's supposed to be practicing for her upcoming piano recital and preparing for Battle of the Bands with her hopefully-more-than-friend Lukas. While Kiri does a lot of playing, her carefully planned schedule goes completely off track somewhere along the way. She also falls in love with the wrong guy (thankfully). But it's a random phone call from a stranger who tells her that he has some of her dead sister's stuff, that really throws everything off course, or sets it in motion.

Five reasons why I loved Wild Awake:

1) Madness. At first, Wild Awake seems to be another YA book about self-discovery. Kiri learns some information about her sister, which freaks her out, and makes her reexamine her views on a lot of things. Kiri's parents are gone, so she has a lot of freedom, and with that freedom she begins to explore and experience life and love. She does it a bit excessively at first, but she's a teen and they do that, right? But then Kiri's behavior gets wilder, and sometimes very dangerous. Her casual, experimental, drug use* becomes more excessive and frightening. And you start thinking, maybe this is more than just teenage exploration? Maybe there is something serious and not-normal going on here. I love how Hillary Smith puts us inside Kiri's head. Lets us experience along with her, the creeping madness that overtakes her. And lets us become just as confused about what is going on as Kiri is. To put it in psychological terms, Kiri suffers from hypomania throughout the course of this book, or an extended manic period. This book doesn't really go into specific terms for mental illness, but it demonstrates in clear and loud ways, what it's like to be inside of it, experiencing it.

Kiri is not the only person in this book who has some form of diagnosable mental illness, and one of the elements about this book that I love the most is how accurate, real and personal these characters' experiences and struggles are. This book also prompted a long discussion with my husband about psych disorders (I LOVE when a book prompts a discussion). He works in mental health, and we both agreed that this book is a very accurate picture of individuals living with mental illness. I really appreciated that Smith showed the beauty and danger of someone in the midst of an episode (or Thing as Kiri calls it). Letting us fall in love with them even more because of who they are, good, bad and complicated.

2) Music. I am not musically inclined, although I love to listen. But my best friend growing up is a professional musician, and throughout high school she practiced at least 3 hours a day and felt guilty and incomplete if there was a day that she didn't pick up her instrument. As she grew up, she grew out of the feeling of being lost when she wasn't playing, and I really loved watching Kiri do the same. Kiri is even more hard core than my friend. Three hours is nothing to her, and though it made her dedication to her art seem excessive at times, it really wasn't that odd for a Serious Musician. It is clear that Kiri is a musical genius, but as the book went on and her mania continued, she got a little crazy about it. Did you know that creative brilliance is sometimes combined with manic disorders? That is clear in Kiri's case, and also some of the other characters. But I really love how the author used the evolution of Kiri's musical focus to show both her personal awakening and self-discovery, but also the good and bad ways in which creative talent is affected by mania.

3) Kiri. I don't know if Kiri and I would be friends in real life. I think she would have been way too much for me to handle. I've never done drugs, or drunk excessively, or even stayed up all night (I'm a wimp. I need my sleep!). But I really enjoyed being inside her head. She is amusing, a little self-depricating, brilliant, and at times really out there. But even when she was making terrible decisions, and marching right off the deep end, I loved her. It was absolutely fascinating to be inside the mind of someone experiencing hypomania. It can induce creative brilliance, but as it wears on, becomes frightening and often leads to self medication with drugs and alcohol, both of which happened to Kiri.

4) Skunk (aka Love-Bison). At first, Skunk did not seem like much of a catch. He smokes (that's an automatic turnoff for me), and Kiri doesn't make him sound all that appealing physically. He doesn't appear to have a job, and his biggest ambition is to fix bicycles. Then I got to know him more and was quite intrigued. By the end of this story, I'd fallen hard for the guy Kiri calls her Love-Bison (you will learn to swoon over that endearment too).

Skunk is not the usual YA romantic lead, but still his relationship with Kiri is one of the most compelling romances that I've read recently. They are two broken people, who are both a little left of center, but in many ways that makes them better equipped to handle each other. Their love story is written a little unconventionally for a Contemporary YA. It is not the central tension in the story, though it is an important part of this book. Like all of Wild Awake, we are shown pieces and glimpses of their relationship - bicycle rides, tea drinking, radios and dancing in the rain. It's not all the same progression that other books highlight about new love, but their connection comes across clear and strong.

4b) Bicycles. Kiri and Skunk meet because Kiri's bicycle pops a tire, and they continue to experience several delicious moments on or around bicycles. I never knew bicycle repair could be so appealing.

5) All the other characters. From Kiri's sister Sukey, who comes across as vibrant and larger than life, despite the fact that she's been dead 5 years when the book begins, to old and perpetually drunk Doug who has a three legged cat, the more insane the character in this book, the more I liked them. I even enjoyed Kiri's piano teacher and her Serious Piano Student Nelson. Smith has the amazing ability of writing people who are incredibly flawed, showing you all of their their warts, and still making you care about them. That is one thing I liked best about this book. Despite the painful truths that Kiri learns about her older sister, she still adores her, misses her and celebrates her.

A little levity. As much as I loved this story, I did have a slight problem with the setup of the book. Kiri's parents leave her with no adult supervision for an excessive amount of time. Then every time she spoke to them on the phone, they were distracted and oblivious, in a strange and uncomfortable way. But thankfully at the end of the book, they actually show themselves to be Real Parents. Noticing that Kiri has something not-usual going on with her, and taking appropriate action to help her out. Even Kiri's brother and Skunk's aunt, whom I sort of wanted to vilify at first, end up being voices of reason. That is the other, more sobering side of this book: we all need a little perspective in our lives, and some people need more of it than others. Accountability is important to keeping a person from tipping past a little on the edge, to completely out of control and in need of intervention. My hope for these characters is that they continue to live life to its fullest, but also find a balance, and seek help when they need it.

Love Triangle Factor: Very Mild
Cliffhanger Scale: Standalone

Find this and other reviews on my blog Love is not a triangle

[tonya. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wild Awake by Hilary T. Smith does what should be impossible: be at once completely batshit crazy and unbelievable, while also painting a pretty accurate portrait of the modern teenager.

Kiri Byrd's parents left her by herself for six weeks while they went on a cruise around the world, but she has a plan: she will water the plants, and check the mail. She will practice piano religiously and be perfect at her Showcase performance. She and her best friend Lucas will practice every day and win Battle of the Bands and then he will realize he's in love with her.

Of course, things don't exactly go to plan, since that would be a pretty boring book. Kiri gets a call from a random stranger, saying he has her sister's things and if she doesn't come pick them up, he'll throw them away. Her sister. The only one who ever truly understood her. Her sister who's been dead for five years. Kiri knows it's a bad idea, but she can't stop obsessing about what things the strange guy might have.

What she finds sends her spiraling into a reckless kind of mania that is as destructive as it is freeing. While she begins to uncover the secrets her family has kept from her, and grieve for her sister anew, she discovers herself in the process.

Her seriously insane, but ultimately really cool self.

Wild Awake was an absolutely hypnotizing read. From an objective point of view, few things about it are at all realistic, and Kiri is kind of an idiot who makes spectacularly poor decisions, but somehow it all made for a fascinating read.

I found Hilary T. Smith's treatment of mental illness, and her depiction of the descent into mania very realistic, but I do wish she'd glorified it a bit less, or given more weight to the talk of treatment in the book's conclusion. As is, it paints Kiri's behavior as a summer lark, or a period of self discovery rather than serious issues that need to be dealt with.

But all in all, Wild Awake's descent into madness was a fun way to spend a Saturday afternoon.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars

Initially, I was very wary going into Wild Awake because I had heard that the main protagonist, Kiri, is a heavy drug-user and that the writing is crazy and unreadable. However, upon finishing this story, I was anything but disgusted with it. In my opinion, Wild Awake is an extremely powerful contemporary with a memorable storyline and strong-willed characters that I can't help but adore.

The first quality that caught my attention while reading Wild Awake was Hilary Smith's writing style. Unique, lyrical, and very descriptive, Smith's way of writing is smooth and the words just fly across the pages; it just works very well with the plot. I could picture every scene, hear every sound, see every paint splatter… The writing in Wild Awake allowed me to fully immerse myself in Kiri's grungy city.

Secondly, the characters in the story are realistic, lovable, and perfectly flawed. Obviously, there is drug use from most of the characters, and I don't always agree with their actions, but I understand why they did so-and-so. Their lives are complex yet they still grow from these obstacles that stand in their way. I was a huge fan of the romance, however messed up it was.

The plot as a whole kept me engaged the entire time. There is this air of mystery behind the main story, and I loved that. Not only this, but Hilary implements the artistic aspects of Kiri's sister, and Kiri's own artistic talent, music. Smith incorporates these elements so appropriately that I am in love with this story because of it.

Wild Awake is a dark, tough-to-read contemporary, yet it's breathtaking and so worth it as well. It handles difficult subjects that I don't usually come across, but with Smith's beautiful writing, realistic characters, and captivating storyline, I can't say that I didn't love this book. Because I did. It was amazing.

Check out this review and more at Books and Other Happy Ever Afters

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Check out my full review of this book here:
http://www.consumedbybooks.com/2017/0...

[Tamara · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Sometimes, a problem looks so small you can crush it between your fingers. Then you wake up one morning and it's eating you alive.”

Trigger warning for; alcohol and drug abuse, mental issues and stupid decisions. It’s kind of a stoner book so be aware.

*sigh*

This one is so hard to rate and write a review about. I honestly cant make I my mind on whether I loved it not. To sum up my experience with this book I am;


Yup, I’ve read the thole book thinking ‘what on earth is happening? This book makes me feel like I'M going crazy...’.

It´s a weird story - if there´s a story at all...It feels totally abrupt. It's like 3 different stories scotch-taped together. I've been vacillating between "omg love" and "wtf am I reading" for most of this book.

After one point, I literally had no idea what I was reading any more. The whole plot is about MC going wild crazy. I was so sick of this girl smoking weed, getting drunk, riding a bicycle while being drunk. This girl is seriously batshit. She whines how hard her life is and then gets high. She whines again, and gets high again. Getting high and making stupid decisions is really all that's happened in this book. Oh, she also gets a boyfriend. Which we’ll talk about later cause ugh, the whole thing still weirds me out.

GR has different editions, different editions sometimes mean different synopsis. The synopsis I’ve read goes like;

“Things you earnestly believe will happen while your parents are away:
1. You will remember to water the azaleas.
2. You will take detailed, accurate messages.
3. You will call your older brother, Denny, if even the slightest thing goes wrong.
4. You and your best friend/bandmate Lukas will win Battle of the Bands.
5. Amid the thrill of victory, Lukas will finally realize you are the girl of his dreams.

Things that actually happen:
1. A stranger calls who says he knew your sister.
2. He says he has her stuff.
3. What stuff? Her stuff.
4. You tell him your parents won’t be able to—
5. Sukey died five years ago; can’t he—
6. You pick up a pen.
7. You scribble down the address.
8. You get on your bike and go.
9. Things . . . get a little crazy after that.*
*also, you fall in love, but not with Lukas.”

So I thought, hey this book sounds so interesting and so much fun.

NOOOOOOOOOOO. I WAS TRICKED. THIS BOOK IS FILLED WITH FUCKING MADNESS.

The other synopsis goes;

“blah blah blah...But a phone call from a stranger shatters Kiri's plans. He says he has her sister's stuff—her sister, Sukey, who died five years ago. This call throws Kiri into a spiral of chaos that opens old wounds and new mysteries.”

Hey, at least the book makes more sense now. Do not let the title or the blurb to fool you. This isn't a book about the "messy glory of being alive". It's more a look at how someone can *turn* their lives into a mess, by completely self-destructing.


One one hand, I was amazed by Kiri's stupidity and lack of common sense. She may as well wear a sign that says "I'm a clueless teenage girl who is looking for trouble." After she gets the call, she decides to immediately go down there to pick up her sister’s things. Without telling anybody else. While riding a bike. Without any money. No cellphone. Goes to a dangerous neighboord. Cant remember the adress. Has a bike problem and decides to follow a random scary dude to his house so he can repair the bike. Why is she trusting random creepy people and not telling her friend where she is you ask? Who the fuck knows? This isn't realistic at all!

I am mentally screaming at Kiri right now. How stupid can you be?! This guy, according to her, is HUGE. And a complete stranger. You don't know him. You're probably weaker. And you're following him to his house. And NO ONE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE.


Dumbass. WHAT A DUMBASS. This girl is practically begging to be asssaulted and thrown in a ditch. And she is so fucking stupid, she probably deserves it.

On one hand, I think that this book was making me go insane. I felt like I was getting a second hand mania episode just from reading. Jesus. Being in Kiri's head made my head spin. It's made my head hurt.


On the other hand however, there were times Kiri's meltdown/drunken acting out/self-declaration of freedom was brilliantly, seductively written. It is still terrifying for sure, what she does, but I couldnt help myself but feel sorry for her. I wanted to put my hands on her shoulders, calm her down, make her feel alright.

It’s like watching a train wreck happen ok? I'm totally squeezing my eyes shut to what's coming, yet I can't look away. I want to know how much more damaged she can get.

So, this chick is totally batshit. For a good reason. But why she is so fucking stupid? I have no idea. She just is. There is no excuse for that. Having issues cant excuse that.


The romance:


Weird. The romance aspect is so weird. She suddenly declares she is in love with Skunk. Why? Because he tells the right things and gives her a cookie.


Yeah yeah, and that’s not the weirdest part of this relationship.

The thing is, somehow this batshit crazy girl finds a much crazier boyfriend than she is. And she’s like whatever. He has issues ok? Serious isssues but she is like whatever. Yeah sure. I’m sure love lust will both cure you.




The Other People:

“I'm dying,' I say carefully, trying to load each word with as many layers of meaning as I can.
'All right,' says my mom. 'Go take a nap.”

Seriously THE WORST family (including brother) I have ever encountered in a YA book. And that's saying something.

I think the only sane person in this book is Lucas and he’s an asshole.

How Mental Issues Gets Handled: This book does have it's issues but it IS a very honest depiction of life with mental illness. I really think the author does a fantastic job illustrating just what it's like when someone is experiencing mania. BUT my biggest problem with this book is that it doesn't have a clear message, hardly any judgement.

Ending: Hollywood-cheesy ending. Writer sugar coats everything in the end. Everything get resolved not resolved in the few pages that are left.

The whole book there was this build up. She worries what will happen when her parents come home (they were on vacation). She's worries how she is going to explain what happened. They come home, she opens her mouth to tell them what happened and how messed up she became but then the chapter ends there. The scene ends there. The talk happens off the book.



*takes a deep breath to calm down and facepalms, nope not helping*



WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It's like I've been invited to monitor this batshit girl's life for a few weeks (24/7!!!) but when things get real intense, real interesting the author tells me 'this is it' and cuts the scene. The next chapter we begin from somewhere else.

I had to put up with this batshit crazy girl playing piano FOR HOURS, going mad, playing piano again and going mad, taking drugs and alcohol, playing piano and going mad, riding a bike for miles (how unrelastic and stupid is that really) and going mad, being hit by a car and just brushing it off it and going mad, having an unhealthy relaitonship with a crazy dude and going mad for shit load of pages but you're not going to give me any resolution for what I've read, what I had to put up with dear author?


Fuck this shit. I'm still pissed.


The Bottam Line: This book is on drugs...I'm not sure whether it is just crazy strange or really good.

[Dianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

*Also posted at Oops! I Read A Book Again*

Thank you so much to Katherine Tegen Books and Edelweiss for the eARC! This in no way affected my opinions of the novel.

Wild Awake first came into my radar because of it's GORGEOUS cover. Because seriously, that cover made me salivate. All the elements came around together seamlessly and I give mad props to its cover designer, Tom Forget. Those were handmade splatters, guys. Plus, the color. I am absolutely not a fan of orange but this made me love orange. If you want to read an interview of Tom Forget by Hilary, go HERE!

So aside from the cover, the blurb just got me so intrigued and interested. You're home alone and then there's a mysterious call about your dead sister. Plus the format itself of the blurb just makes you want to read it. So I requested Wild Awake over at Edelweiss and when I got approved, yippee! I wasn't supposed to read this at the time I read this (with my reading schedule and all) but insomnia called and I randomly started reading Wild Awake. Needless to say, I finished it the next day. (Yes, I still sleep. At times.)

The novel started hilariously. I found Kiri's voice funny and a voice I loved reading. She was easy to relate to with her massive crush on Lukas and her constant daydreaming. However, Kiri's voice changed during the course of the novel. Once she slowly uncovered the unbeknownst details of the life and death of her sister, Kiri changed. Some might consider it a downward spiral but I don't completely agree. I'd say it was an unhealthy spiral. But giving way to this change were Kiri's beautiful thoughts and I'd say that's a good deal. Still, I missed the Kiri at the start but at least, her character grew. In fact, Kiri underwent a massive character development.

Skunk, though not your typical male love interest and totally not your usual YA hero, was a hero all on his own. He had his own issues and back story and his imminent growth as a character had depth and was so worth reading. He's sweet in his own ways, cool beyond cool and definitely a unique character. I loved how Kiri and Skunk made each other grow and how they accepted each other as they are. They made the other also infinitely cooler if that's even possible.

Wild Awake wasn't the novel I expected it would be and for that, I think I got a little bit confused. I went in thinking this would be a contemporary coming-of-age novel with a little mystery and yes, it is that but it was so much more. Maybe that's why I had a hard time rating this one. I initially thought of giving it four stars because it's good but then, as I always say, I'm an emotional reader and Wild Awake ended up not a perfect fit with my reading tastes. I didn't feel cheated, I just didn't think that there would be no structured plot. I thought there would be more mystery but in reality, Wild Awake focused on how Kiri dealt with the information she learned after that ominous phone call.

Still, I haven't read a novel like this one. Beautifully written but in a prose some people might not like. Reading it is like reading straight out of an artist's mind, and the one who's manic about his/her art. Kiri is not a character who's easy to understand and to relate to but I found myself unable to stop reading. I wasn't too invested in her and the story but it was like I was hypnotized by the novel. Tons of quotable lines but there isn't a structured plot. There's an event and it chronicles everything that happens in the aftermath, with a resolution befitting of an indie film. It's dramatic and not. I know that's ironic but yes, this novel feels like an irony. A good one at that. I don't know how I really feel about it because I'm not tuned in with the characters but I admit its writing is exquisite. Not Delirium-like but gorgeous on its own. I will quote some here in my review.

"Maybe we all need ships to hold our dreams, to be bigger and steadier than we ever could be, and to guard the mystery when we cannot, to keep it safe even when we have lost everything."

“It's amazing how quickly the things you thought would make you happy seem small once you stumble on something true.”

“Did you see that guy in the back, from the radio station?’

His smile is a jar full of fireflies.

‘Crazy Girl,’ he says.
‘All I saw was you.”

“People are like cities: We all have alleys and gardens and secret rooftops and places where daisies sprout between the sidewalk cracks, but most of the time all we let each other see is is a postcard glimpse of a skyline or a polished square. Love lets you find those hidden places in another person, even the ones they didn't know were there, even the ones they wouldn't have thought to call beautiful themselves.”

See? So good. I especially love the last quote I featured. There are tons more of gorgeous prose in here but I wasn't able to note them. I suggest you go read it yourself and you will find gems.

This will appeal to those who enjoy slice-of-life novels. It's real. It deals with murder, family, drugs, sex, friendship, music, art and meshes it into a tale of Kiri learning about her sister's murder and her eventual dealing with it. She meets people along the way and realizes that her life as she knew it flew out the window the moment she learned the truth about her sister.

This novel is free-spirited, which I think lies mostly on Hilary Smith being one as well. Like the Tao, which is mentioned and used a lot of times here, this novel flows. To quote the Tao:

"Words may be used to speak of it, but they cannot contain it. "

And oh, why yes, I know The Way.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

Everyone has been talking about this book lately, amiright? I was thrilled to get the chance to check it out. Reviews have been mixed. Some LOVE it. Some don't get it, but still kinda like it. Some can't stand it. My thoughts after reading Wild Awake? It's odd. It's written in a stream of consciousness type narration that can be a distracting and hard to follow. It has this almost dreamlike quality to it. As you are reading you are kind of wondering "what's going on? Is this really happening or is this something else entirely?" BUT. At the same time it's creative. It's emotional. It's realistic in it's approach of teens (at least in my experience.) And it's really, really addicting. The plot meanders about a bit but I had a hard time putting this book down. It was crazy to read, like MANIC crazy, but I had to know what was going to happen next. Reading it, and getting inside the main character Kiri's head feels like you have run a mile in record time: you are both exhilarated and exhausted in the same moment. In short, Wild Awake is like nothing I have ever read before and I REALLY liked that.

Did you know that many scientists believe there is a link between creativity and certain types of mental illness, such as depression and bipolar disorder? Having my degree in art history, I would tend to agree. And Wild Awake seems to support this theory. Kiri is a talented musician. She spends HOURS practicing and takes very expensive lessons from an instructor whose students often go on to prestigious schools like Julliard. Sukey, Kiri's sister, who passed away several years earlier, was a painter. And I mention these things because I think it's relevant. Wild Awake is not a book about crazy people. It's not a book about mental illness. But Kiri, Sukey and a few other characters clearly have some experience with this topic. So, know that going in. I personally think this is fascinating subject matter, and that is probably one of the reasons why I enjoyed this book, even if it was weird and disconcerting at certain times.

The impression I got of our narrator Kiri is that she's an artist. Not a visual artist like her sister, but an artist in terms of creative genius. She's not only creative, she's obsessive, especially with her music. She's manic, she barely sleeps, and by the end of this book she doesn't sleep AT ALL. She's reckless and makes some terrible decisions and really doesn't seem to have much regard for her well being. But you know what? She's also just your typical teenage girl. She's got a crush on her best friend. She's in a garage band that wants to win the local "Battle of the Bands" (she plays synths). She feels the pressure to be the best pianist and not disappoint her parents and her music teacher. She smokes pot and drinks, often to the point of excess (that's actually putting it mildly.) And she really, really misses her dead sister Sukey.

I disn't understand Kiri's motivation at times and I didn't relate to the manic side of her personality, but I still really liked her. Her actions scared the crap out of me sometimes, but it added to her overall development as a character and that is key. You could never accuse Kiri of being a flat, two dimensional character.

Wild Awake tells the story of Kiri discovering what really happened to her sister Sukey and in turn who Sukey really was. Losing her sister at a young age meant that Kiri had this idealized vision of Sukey in her mind. One of the most compelling aspects of Wild Awake is witnessing Kiri realize her sister was a complicated person who lived a complicated life.


Wild Awake also tells the story of Kiri falling in love. And it turns out to be with a boy who is NOT her longtime crush (no spoiler, that's right above in the book's synopsis). Kiri's relationship with Skunk is without a doubt my favorite part of this book. It is so authentic and so TRUE. It's not a prettied up romance like you find in some fiction. Skunk's not Prince Charming, he's got his own issues. And their story is real and it's raw and it is still SO FREAKING ROMANTIC, people. He calls her Crazy Girl. She calls him Love-Bison. And that nickname will make NO sense to you now, but trust me, you are going to love it when you read it:)

And by the way, the writing in this book? Amazing. Whether it'ss the description of Skunk's room filled with radios; or the manic thoughts skipping around in Kiri's head as she talks about music; \or the past memories of time spent with Sukey; or the swoony scenes between Kiri and her love-bison, Smith's ability to create a mood with her words is truly remarkable.

And there are a few scenes in this book that are utterly unforgettable: the Biker Midnight Mass; Kiri's thrill ride and bender with some random dude while HIGH as a KITE; the amazing 48 hours (or so) of rain spent in Skunk's room. And most of all I loved the "twist" with Skunk at the end (PERFECT.) The imagery is so strong that I KNOW I will never forget those parts of the book.

And for me, that is what makes this book so special. Isn't that the mark of something special when certain passages and scenes stick around haunting you for days after reading? It is for me.

Issues? Well there are the somewhat typical absentee parents found in a lot of YA, BUT I honestly do not think this story would have worked any other way.

In summation, Wild Awake is a different kind of book. It's not your standard grief story/ coming of age/ voyage of self discovery story/ falling in love for the first time type of story AT ALL. It's complicated and kind of messy. But that is what I loved about it. It's also lyrical and emotionally charged. It's not going to be for everyone, but for me it was a thought provoking read that I thoroughly enjoyed.

[Dajana J. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Actual rating: 4.5 stars
Review can also be found here.

Wild Awake is for sure one of the most lively, artistic and soulful books I have ever and will ever read. Reading this book was a crazy rollercoaster of emotions. The amazing writing style of the author made everything better and vivid and beautiful and hurting and it just made me feel the story right in my bones. I'm so glad this book exists because it just proves to me once again that there's still hope for YA and there are still deep and amazing stories like this out there, that step out of the 'fun and entertaining' category.

Kiri is undoubtedly one of the most flawed and rememberable characters I've had the chance to read about. Her narration represented perfectly her messed up mind and her crazy thoughts when she often lost her line of thoughts. Most of the time she aggravated me to no ends, but the whole time she fascinated me. She's an artist. And not just because she plays the piano. No. She is an artist because she feels, she's a burst of colors, she's messed up and she's reckless, but at the same time she's someone you hold dear. I held her dear. Mostly because most of the time I was in awe in the way Kiri let her feelings out. It fascinated me that other people feel like that, and not just me. I've postponed writing this review for quite a long time exactly for that reason. Because Kiri is a character that I would be (in no way as amazing as she is) and I wouldn't want to turn this review personal. But it's kind of inevitable. It saddens me when I see some low ratings about this book, because the complexity of it all makes it stand out so much that some people may not find the meaning behind this book. It's like this book screams with it's silence. Or is silent while screaming. No matter how you put it, this book is a piece of art.

I loved how I got to know Kiri's sister through Kiri herself. Even though her sister is dead, it felt like she was part of the story, like she was telling the story rather than being a character talked about. I loved her. I absolutely admired her courage to follow her heart and do what made her happy, no matter the consequences. I know I wouldn't do that, jump into the unknown having nothing figured out, but watching a character like Sukey do that was so heartening and beautiful and even sad, but still oh, so beautiful.

Unlike Kiri and Sukey, I had some difficulties liking the other characters. I wasn't very fond of the love interest (even though he was one hell of a character) or Lukas. God, how I hated him. But what made me not give this book five full stars, are the parents. Jesus, the damn parents! I've never read about such stupid, awful parents. They're mostly nonexistent and so shallow. So, so shallow. And they just didn't fit in the story. So out of place. I just wish they had been a bit different. yes, flawed but I just can't believe parents can be that careless. It just ruined a good part of the story.

Despite everything, this book is definitely one of my favorites. I can even compare it to Looking For Alaska, and knowing how much I love that book, that's saying something. It was everything I wanted to read. It was a fresh breath from all the other usual YA books I had read and I would reread this any day in a heartbeat.

Because this book had incredible quotes and because I want to show how magical and beautiful this book is with author's own words, I'll be listing some of my favorite quotes below.

"The soul has a house of it's own, and I want to live in that one."

"People are like cities: We all have alleys and gardens and secret rooftops and places where daisies sprout between the sidewalk cracks, but most of the time we all let each other see is a postcard glimpse of a skyline or a polished square. Love lets you find those hidden places in another person, even the ones they didn't know were there, even the ones they wouldn't have thought to call beautiful themselves."

"I feel a sudden wave of homesickness, and I don't even know what for -- beauty, or freedom, or love, all the wild and dangerous parts of myself that die a little with every carefully sanitized syllable I speak."

"I unscrew the last of the paint jars, the arsenic and ocher and gold, colors I would have never thought existed if she (Sukey) hadn't brought them into my world. They splash onto the rooftop and scatter into a hundred different shapes, joining the cacaphony of colors. I don't know what she would have painted with them and I guess I never will, but for now, like this, they are beautiful."

[Monika · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review can also be found here.

Actual rating: 4.5 stars

This might be one of those rare books that as a whole has had a significant impact on the way I view life and it has also inspired me deeply. Wild Awake is a book I'd undoubtedly call artistic; raw, powerful and passionate. The atmosphere around this story is tinged with desperation and an amazing awareness for everything that surrounds us. I can only say the title fits this book perfectly.

From just this paragraph, you can probably notice how this book has affected me. It was more on a personal and creative aspect. The writing of this book was simply beautiful, in a sort of stream of consciousness which fascinated me throughout the whole book. The way Kiri, the main character, narrates is astoundingly unique. I'd never seen a character so wrapped up in her own mind and sensations, with an ability to look at the world so differently, in both an intriguing and disturbing perspective. I can't ever claim that she is a likable character but she is most definitely real, in the kind of way that you can't ever ignore her in a crowded room because her aliveness just pulls you to her. It mesmerized me being inside her head, seeing the inner workings of her mind. I can also understand, if not agree with the methods she chose to cope with the stress and constant noise that was her life. Like I said, this character made me feel what art is supposed to make you feel.

I felt the same way about Sukey, her sister, whose death played a huge role in Kiri's story. She wasn't present in the story, but she felt so real to me as well. Just in flashbacks, the way she was described, her pure passion about doing what she loved despite going against everyone to achieve it, is what made her so memorable and impressive. Without her character, the story would have lacked the wonderful colours and shades that make it so special to begin with.

The discovery of her sister's fate, despite her being dead for five years, is what triggered something in Kiri that changed her life significantly, not just in actions, but in who she was as a person. That's when her desperation and her restlessness begin, this need to find out more about life and about her, things which made me relate to her a lot. Another thing I liked was the natural relationship Kiri formed with Skunk, despite them being the most unconventional couple ever. The romance is very well developed and also explored deeply, in the most uncontrived way possible. I could actually see why they stayed together and I accepted their past and complications just like they accepted each other.

Having experienced all these emotions and feelings and having also highlighted large sections of the gorgeous writing of this amazing author, I'd have definitely given this book five stars, if not for one small but still important factor. The parents. Or the lack of them throughout practically the whole story. I hated their shallowness and obliviousness and I wanted to shake them for being so ignorant towards their daughter's condition. They were clueless and aloof and just so irritating, I couldn't take them seriously. I hated her brother,too, but at least he and Kiri had some dynamics between them and were able to actually try to work things out in the end. But her parents, who only called while they were on their stupid trip to hear themselves talk and never cared about what their daughter was doing. It was horrible. This would have made me rate it much lower if this was any other book.

So to conclude, I really loved Wild Awake. It had the sort of honest and sincere emotion I've been wanting to find in a book for a while and I'm certain its beauty and rawness will stay with me for a long time.

[Isamlq · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5

Some may feel there’s whole lot of nothing going on in this one, save a spoiled bratty girl unable to cope doing brattier and brattier/more and more insane things with each moment. And sure, all that’s there, but for me it’s more than that... I personally think a moral at the end is not the thing that makes a story ‘good.’ Wild Awake reads a little like Out of Reach (the latter seemingly with no point/“lesson” either, with the bad having occurred and becoming the (not so) simple matter of going on, picking up the pieces, then fitting them together.)

Wait! I had a point when I started this. I suppose if there’s but one “something” to take from this, it’s not just the grief that goes unrecognized, or the love that she thinks she has for a certain someone, or even that new connection unexpectedly made available to her (well, OK all those are vital aspects, of course) but in this one, it’s the people that count: what they do and how they do it that does (maybe the why, not so much.) (incidentally, I enjoyed both this one and Out of Reach) because where OoR has a girl coming to grips with what’s become of her brother and not simply about her opening her eyes to the suckiness/goodness of people… well, WA touches on that too.

Kiri’s dutiful daughter, the good best friend doing all the right things.

‘Till that phone call because what she discovers knocks her off her stride, which she doesn’t quite get back through out her story. It’s this that has her doing a number of things that have her feeling more and more random and odd and out there for me. Internally, she’s not quite sure about what to do, how to do or why to do anything. So she’s spiraling out of control, but at the same time, she meets these people a little… No, a lot like her: off their stride, one way or another.

Kiri’s all over the place.

And how all over the place was she? She does everything/anything/most in such a direct manner, that her actions read bigger and slightly improbable. It’s what allows for connections to be made, wherein the strength of her story lies. These links she makes plus what she does and how she does things because she’s not in that right place (yet). All those make for an intense read. Everything happens in the now, is fast and big and sudden. But, there’s a touch of sad too, given the way she’s dealing shifts to her not dealing, obvious with how fast and out of hand things turn. So this has one main thing, something, a lot of things going on:

Grief? Yes. Love? Yes. Coming to terms? Self-Discovery? Yes. and Yes, too. It’s not quite the mess I think I’m making it out to be because Kiri’s voice is spirited, it goes up and up and up then down and then back again. It’s unsettling, really, I couldn’t settle on one feeling for her because she wasn’t settled either. We’re right smack at the beginning of her Thing (as both she and Skunk put it). The not knowing it for what it is then maybe seeing it AND eventually recognizing it for what it is… that’s what made this a touch sad, even with all the craziness going on.

So, thank you, Edelweiss!

[ExLibris_Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

From the first words, I immediately felt Kiri's intelligence and the way she is surrounded by people that inhabit her life don't really see her. Her parents are completely disassociated, her brother is drowning in rage, and her best friend isn't really a friend at all. Kiri has built careful walls around herself since her sister's death, but once a brick is loosened, everything comes crashing down around her. The call about her sister and Kiri's desire to know the truth brings what she thinks is freedom but what quickly tuns into a prison of her own pain and obsession. Kiri's mania starts out slowly and soon grows into every part of her life, which is a transformation that is beautifully written and subtle enough to avoid cliche.

Kiri is the quirky friend, the brilliant and odd person who is the center of interest at a party, but a person that you don't really know that much about. As open as she seems, she is a mystery to many of the people she loves. For that reason, I think her mental illness hides behind her brilliance. As a reader, you see that what she believes to be true and what people see are two very different things, but since we only read Kiri's voice, the reader must gather this information from the reactions of those around her. I thought that was a wonderful way of presenting Kiri's spiral because as she goes deeper into her illness, you really do feel like you are watching someone slowly dive off of a cliff. It's terrifying and mesmerizing all at once.

When Skunk enters the picture, their relationship provides a puzzling distraction for Kiri. Soon, though, it becomes clear that Skunk is fighting his own very serious battles. Their love story is flawed and bittersweet, but I am glad it was in the book. It gave a lot of depth to a story that could have turned into another "smart girl descends into madness" tale. Instead, their relationship helped it develop into a darkly funny and sad book about flawed people dealing with sadness both large and small. Somewhere between glorifying mental illness and showing it for the complicated and painful journey it is, Wild Awake is gritty look at the idea that everyone struggles in their own way. It was a book that was both bittersweet and hopeful with characters I won't soon forget.

[Ellie Marney · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book truly inspired me. With its language, and perception, and its characters, and its understanding of grief and mental illness, and its LANGUAGE, OMG. I felt like I was on a sparkling midnight bike-ride with Kiri and Skunk, skimming fast through downhill streets, zooming around the curves... When it finished, I felt like I was in a slightly altered reality.

Kiri's slow unravelling and re-weaving felt authentic and brave and scary and true, and I loved that Hilary Smith didn't make a neat package of the ending. It was just as it should have been.

Other reviewers have compared it to This is Shyness by Leanne Hall, and I would say 'yes' to that, and also a touch of The Reluctant Hallelujah by Gabrielle Williams... But really, Wild Awake is in a class by itself.

A sweet sweet ride.

[Shanyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

The first book I officially read start to finish in 2013, WILD AWAKE gives me more reason to shout about contemporary YA from the mountaintops. Or from my couch-top, seeing as how the mountains here have many feet of snow and it would be hard to get up there.

Full Review: http://chickloveslit.com/2013/01/revi...

[Annie Stone · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful. Loved how the writing perfectly mirrored the anxiously frenetic energy the main character was experiencing. Felt so real -- but in that perfected and artistic way -- my favorite kind of read!

[Brittany S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Initial Impressions: This book. Like. What? How do I even rate this??? I devoured it in one day, unable to stop (which apparently seems fitting with Kiri's story) and it was just enthralling. I'll have to think on how to properly rate it but since it apparently blew my mind, 5 stars seem appropriate for now. I'm thinking 4.5

Review originally posted on The Book Addict's Guide: WILD AWAKE. How do I review WILD AWAKE? No, seriously. How do I review this book? I had been meaning to read it since I heard so many good things, especially from Jamie, and when Hilary T. Smith was going to be at Anderson’s Bookshop in the end of June, I knew I had to go and that was the perfect time to buy the book. I had a ton of time to read on the 4th of July so I started WILD AWAKE…… And finished it that night. I honestly could not put it down. I finished the book, let out a sigh of “Wow”, and then went to go mark it at read on Goodreads like I usually do. Goodreads said, “Awesome! You finished a book! Now how do you want to rate it?” And I sat there, phone in hand, and thought. And thought. Usually when I’m reading a book, I can tell what I’m going to rate it and I generally gauge that star rating, changing it if necessary as I read. WILD AWAKE started out as a four star rating and THEN I got to the second half of the book and was mesmerized. The ending! It was just so much more than a star rating. It was interesting, terrifying, captivating, non-sensical, and quite a whirlwind. I entered my star rating on Goodreads, but even as I’m writing this review, I’m still not sure if it’s appropriate or not. I guess all I can do is talk about how I felt!

The first half of the book definitely felt slower than the second half, for obvious reasons once you read it but also because I felt like things took just a little while to get… somewhere. The story is obvious right off the bat: Kiri’s parents are gone on a cruise for 6 weeks (yes, I know to some people this amount of time was shocking and unbelievable, but you’d be surprised), her brother Denny is at college, and she gets a phone call from a stranger asking her her sister who died several years ago. Sukey was practically Kiri’s idol — She really, really looked up to her older sister and was devastated when she died so when she gets this mysterious phone call, her curiosity gets the best of her and she stumbles into secrets that she didn’t even know were there.

I honestly don’t want to rehash the plot because the feelings of this book are way more important. When Kiri starts looking for the the stranger who once knew her sister, she opens Pandora’s box, so to speak, and can’t take that back. The sadness and regret and anger she feels from pretty much rehashing her sister’s death is a very emotional time and there were a few times I teared up from Hilary Smith’s writing and how she conveyed this jumble of emotions for Kiri. Outrage, denial, fear… And along the way she meets a helpful stranger (unrelated to the stranger who knew her sister) named Skunk. The way people went on about Skunk in their reviews and/or Twitter I was like, “There is no WAY I’m going to like a character named Skunk.” But there you have it. He was a gentle giant — a quiet personality in a large body and slowly formed a perfectly un-perfect relationship with Kiri. (I love that she called him her love-bison, brontosaurus of love, and even once compared his stature to Hagrid haha.)

I don’t really know how else to talk about this book except to say that that second half! (!!!!) I actually didn’t know a TON about WILD AWAKE before I picked it up. If you know me well, you know I love going into books blind so I get surprised by all of the little things as they were intended to surprise an audience. When I saw Hilary T. Smith in person, she described her book as involving music, mystery, and an aspect of mental illness. I thought “Mental illness is in this book?” Psychology and mental functions and/or illnesses have always intrigued me so I was immediately more curious to see how that even fit in the book and even as I was reading the first part, I was still guessing how it was going to come into play. We see this mental break start to appear in Kiri’s character slowly but surely, taking us on quite the wild ride of emotions and actions. What happened to Kiri was incredible (and scary) to witness from a first person point of view. I wondered how it even came on… Was this brought on by the secrets of her sister’s death? Her parents being away and Kiri being alone? Time? Stress? An existing condition? I’m not really sure, and as much as it would be interesting to know, that’s not even quite relevant to the book except that the reader gets to witness that happen from Kiri’s perspective and she doesn’t even know that anything out of the ordinary is going on. I actually almost didn’t even want to talk about this in my review because it feels like such a spoiler since I didn’t really know it was coming, but it was such a BIG part of the book and the reason that I was so blown away by it that I didn’t know how I could hold it back.

This is a story about love. And loss. And friendship. And breaking down. And every emotion you’ve ever had balled into a tornado and whipping you around your own life until you’re terrified of when it finally spits you back out into the universe as a jumbled mess. WILD AWAKE was beautifully written. It comforted me and shocked me all at the same time and I’m still in awe of it. I’m so glad that Hilary T. Smith wrote this book to share with the world! I feel like you will either love this book or it’s something that’s just not for you and that very few people will fall in the middle. WILD AWAKE has its lovely tender moments, but many frenzied aspects as well so be prepared for a very serious side with some light-hearted moments. It was a fascinating ride, clearly, since I couldn’t even put it down for a few hours. I really hope that people love this book and feel as amazed by it as I do.