Pabs wants to fight monsters. What’s stopping him? The stupid village laws require War Elf parentage.
He can’t believe his pointed ears when it’s announced that the Monster Protection Squadron (MPS) is holding open tryouts. Any elf, no matter the bloodline, is invited. Pabs and his faithful younger brother, Steed, put on an impressive show, landing them two spots in the squadron. Once lowly sheep-herders, they are now MPS warriors. Life is looking way up! But when Pabs and Steed head off on their first scouting mission and discover that a mighty wolf-beast called Bloodfang has entered their borders and is amassing a hobgoblin army, they understand the reason they were recruited.
Will Pabs rise to the occasion or become Bloodfang’s toothpick instead?
I’m all for supporting new and indie authors. I think this author has potential, and I could tell he had fun writing it. The book could have used a few more drafts as well as a thorough proofreading (for example, “rattle” spelled as “raddle”). The suggested age range is 8-16, but it definitely wouldn’t appeal to the older end (not least because it’s only 100 pages). There are some strange vocabulary choices like “bro-chap” and an overuse of exclamation points.
There is a lack of female characters and they are used to further the male characters’ plotlines. Pabs meets a fairy and names her “Sparkle” because he doesn’t know her name, and he never bothers to learn it. The female characters exist to be saved by the male characters and reward them with a kiss on the cheek. The female elves are all referred to as “she-elves” while the male elves are just “elves,” which definitely doesn’t sit right with me.
I think the author should keep writing because it seems like he enjoys it and he has potential, but work on expanding his worldbuilding and character development. There was a lot to like here if it weren’t for the one-dimensional female characters and the unfortunate vocabulary choices.
And definitely don’t get an AI-generated cover for the next one.
Read the sample chapters from Amazon and DNF. My child is in the recommended age range for this book and loves imaginative adventure stories (like Dragon Masters, Magic Treehouse & Narnia) but this was a miss. As a parent who has read hundreds of children's books, and reads over 100 adult books a year, I can confidently say:
The narrator’s voice was inconsistent and distracting. The tense jumps between first person present, and omnipresent, and some grammar is very awkward.
The characters engage in more negative-self talk than other modern kids books. They call themselves stupid, fools, and casually say “I hate those guys”. There are casual verbal threats (“steer clear or I'll beat your butt!”) and child-centered fighting that fell flat for me. Other magical chapter books use the occasional violence as a heroic moment (like saving a friend from a dragon or evil creature), not as an aspirational identity. This book has the vibes of a 90s scrappy schoolyard story where the kids only know how to insult each other. I would not buy this book/series for my home.
The real kicker: the setting is severely underdeveloped. You can read an entire chapter without a description of what the space/country looks like - where is this adventure even happening? There is also very little info about the characters’ age, appearances, or relations to each other. Most imaginative books are rich with vivid detail (not just dialogue). Children often read a single chapter at a time, so building these details at the beginning and reminding them often is crucial for young chapter books. Ultimately, the missing setting details and limited character descriptions is how my reader got lost/confused/uninterested in the book.
Ah, Paul olliges, the guy who's wife, during one of their frequent marital spats, said no to having sex with him and he sulked about it and said it hurt his feelings so bad he wanted to drive away. He 'wrote' a 'book'. It's been sitting in the drafts of his cobwebbed mind since 2013 and, despite it having been more than a decade, has seen zero editing since--not from the now 35-y/o Paul nor from a real editor that would cost real money from a real job (not pickleball).
Pabs/Link from legend of Zelda/self-insert for Paul, an 'unlikely elf orphan', wants to be the hero, get all the girls, money and fame. He's not allowed though because he's too white not a war elf and he's bullied for it. Eventually, as all self-inserts go, he achieves his dream without any world-building, showing over telling, personality, character development, or spelling and grammar in some cases, so no worries there, dear reader. All within the span 114 pages in a font size just big enough to get it over the 100 page mark so he can charge more. It's not worth 15 dollars paperback. It's not worth 5 dollars kindle. It's not worth toilet paper, though it would come in handy when the real stuff gets too expensive. The cover is also AI, and, with that extra salt in the wound of real artists, if you decide to buy and read it yourself, please make sure to return it after you've had your laughs and give that 5 dollars to an artist you love.
Read the sample chapters from Amazon and DNF. My child is in the recommended age range for this book and loves imaginative adventure stories (like Dragon Masters, Magic Treehouse & Narnia) but this was a miss. As a parent who has read hundreds of children's books, and reads over 100 adult books a year, I can confidently say:
The narrator’s voice was inconsistent and distracting. The tense jumps between first person present, and omnipresent, and some grammar is very awkward.
The characters engage in more negative-self talk than other modern kids books. They call themselves stupid, fools, and casually say “I hate those guys”. There are casual verbal threats (“steer clear or I'll beat your butt!”) and child-centered fighting that fell flat for me. Other magical chapter books use the occasional violence as a heroic moment (like saving a friend from a dragon or evil creature), not as an aspirational identity. This book has the vibes of a 90s scrappy schoolyard story where the kids only know how to insult each other. I would not buy this book/series for my home.
The real kicker: the setting is severely underdeveloped. You can read an entire chapter without a description of what the space/country looks like - where is this adventure even happening? There is also very little info about the characters’ age, appearances, or relations to each other. Most imaginative books are rich with vivid detail (not just dialogue). Children often read a single chapter at a time, so building these details at the beginning and reminding them often is crucial for young chapter books. Ultimately, the missing setting details and limited character descriptions is how my reader got lost/confused/uninterested in the book.
If you told me that an 8 year old wrote this book, I’d believe it. The prose is PAINFULLY simple. The plot is boring. The characters are one dimensional. It’s also funny how the main character is definitely supposed to be a self insert, but I guess the author is such a boring person that even a warrior elf fantasy version of him is still more dull than watching paint dry.
While the message that you don't have to conform to society's expectations of who you are is great, the execution is clumsy. The characters are almost entirely male, except for Skylake (who is a girl disguised as a boy). The other girls ("she-elfs") as far as they do appear, aren't even one-dimensional characters. It's nice that the author included a gender non-comforming character, I just would have liked more female representation. The result is that the story is very bro-ish. Even though the plot is simple, there are places that lack clarity so it can get confusing.
The writing feels like it was aimed at children without ever researching what children's literature is actually like. The author claims to be a "kid's literature connoisseur" but much of the story feels like the reader is being talked down to.
My son is in the age-range recommended for this book and he DNF because of how childish it is. Perhaps it would be better suited to 5-7 year olds if there were some illustrations.
It looks like this is the author's first attempt at children's fiction so perhaps he'll use an editor or beta reader for his second attempt.