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Diary of a Hoarder's Daughter
What is it really like to be the relative of a hoarder - especially if you're a tidy freak? How much can one person take until they snap? Imagine living in a house where you can only walk sideways, where Christmas lights stay up all year and tins in the kitchen explode with age. Of eight televisions in the lounge, only one actually works. A new 20ft carpet which arrived, rolled up and ready to be laid in 1974, is still there forty years later. Why would a man with two feet need 173 shoes? Where were his teeth, his hearing aid and the vacuum cleaner? In fact, where was the floor? Meet my dad - 82, eccentric, stubborn, knows everything and collects 'stuff'. - His house, his stuff - what's the problem? For him there wasn't a problem, until one day he had a nasty accident while up a ladder in his garden and was taken to hospital. Temporarily unable to live in the house, it was down to me, his daughter to make the house safe for him to return. I had to do something with over fifty years of accumulated 'stuff'. I had to sort the whole house knowing he would freak out if I threw anything away. I also had to tolerate his narcissistic personality which made the whole situation almost unbearable.
235 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 7, 2014
166 people are currently reading
241 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 85 reviews
May 13, 2017
On the one hand, I can relate a bit with the author. Some of the conversations she has with her father are eerily familiar - the refusal to let go of broken items, not using items for fear they may get damaged and will no longer be usable (even though replacement cost may be nominal). I feel her pain in trying to have a conversation with a parent who seems to actively try not to listen or care what goes on in anyone else's life. My mother's house isn't as badly hoarded as her father's, but when the stuff makes entire rooms unusable, there's an issue. From the excess furniture to stacks and piles of stuff that hasn't seen the light of day in decades (boxes that were never unpacked from moves 20 and nearly 40 yrs ago fill the damp basement), I too have had an urge to rent a dumpster and just fill it up. I'm sure I'll get the chance someday, unfortunately. Like the author, I try to remind myself this is a mental disorder, but it's difficult to not react. I know this has had an impact on how I deal with my own stuff, leaning more and more toward minimalism the older I get. I'm a big fan of the Konmari method!
So why rate it a 3? It's another blog turned book and reads as such. In a blog, repetitive topics are common, but in a book, they get annoying since you're reading straight through start to finish.
I really do wish the author had involved more outside help with her father. From what I've seen, a third party helps immensely. Family relationships, especially those involving someone with a mental disorder, can be strained already and someone from the outside can be a welcome neutral party. The hoarder has to want to change though or any changes won't stick long-term.
So why rate it a 3? It's another blog turned book and reads as such. In a blog, repetitive topics are common, but in a book, they get annoying since you're reading straight through start to finish.
I really do wish the author had involved more outside help with her father. From what I've seen, a third party helps immensely. Family relationships, especially those involving someone with a mental disorder, can be strained already and someone from the outside can be a welcome neutral party. The hoarder has to want to change though or any changes won't stick long-term.
April 24, 2016
FANTASTIC READ! ! ! ! ! .
A very well put together book on a hoarder, that
should have been told in very strong language to
Shut up, grow up, and shape up...
I feel sorry for family members that must deal with this problem..they are SAINTS...
A very well put together book on a hoarder, that
should have been told in very strong language to
Shut up, grow up, and shape up...
I feel sorry for family members that must deal with this problem..they are SAINTS...
Read
October 15, 2016I won't rate this book- its not something I would ever pick out to read at the library, but it was free on Amazon and I was mildly interested to read about the practical aspects of clearing such a house.
The writing is easy to read, and there's a lot more to the story than just clearing rubbish;)
I found the author's growing awareness of her mother's life very painful to read, and yet there some small happiness in recovering lost treasures from her childhood. I would have liked to know what effect the whole situation had on the author's husband and children - it must have been a difficult time for everyone concerned. And as for the father - yes, I had some pity for him, but I sympathise more with his daughter. One person who seemed 'left out' in some way was her brother. I would have liked to learn more about how he coped, both with the clearing and also afterwards.
A thoughtful read, if sometimes a bit confusing, but definitely worth reading if you have ever experienced a hoarder (or a 'clearer') in the family.
The writing is easy to read, and there's a lot more to the story than just clearing rubbish;)
I found the author's growing awareness of her mother's life very painful to read, and yet there some small happiness in recovering lost treasures from her childhood. I would have liked to know what effect the whole situation had on the author's husband and children - it must have been a difficult time for everyone concerned. And as for the father - yes, I had some pity for him, but I sympathise more with his daughter. One person who seemed 'left out' in some way was her brother. I would have liked to learn more about how he coped, both with the clearing and also afterwards.
A thoughtful read, if sometimes a bit confusing, but definitely worth reading if you have ever experienced a hoarder (or a 'clearer') in the family.
June 25, 2020
Absolutely Spot-On
I’m an adult child of a hoarder and I grew up living in a hoarded house. As I read this book, I felt like I could’ve written it myself. This is one of the most honest, authentic books I’ve read about living with and dealing with a hoarder. I fully recommend this book to hoarders, children of hoarders, families with hoarders, or anyone that wants to gain a better understanding of hoarding. This is as authentic as it gets!
I’m an adult child of a hoarder and I grew up living in a hoarded house. As I read this book, I felt like I could’ve written it myself. This is one of the most honest, authentic books I’ve read about living with and dealing with a hoarder. I fully recommend this book to hoarders, children of hoarders, families with hoarders, or anyone that wants to gain a better understanding of hoarding. This is as authentic as it gets!
December 28, 2014
Exceptional
Exceptional story on the life of a daughter of a hoarder and the struggle of trying to take care of not only a hoarding parent but one who is elderly. It's a story of how hoarding affects a whole family.
Exceptional story on the life of a daughter of a hoarder and the struggle of trying to take care of not only a hoarding parent but one who is elderly. It's a story of how hoarding affects a whole family.
January 20, 2026
You could feel the frustration of the author with her father's hoarding problem. Every excuse, every reason just irked me more and more, I can't imagine actually having to deal with him.
It wasn't that well written but it did get the point across loud and clear.
Plus it made me crave watching some episodes of "Hoarders" on Hulu, which now I have done quite a few alongside this book and oh! the horrors of a hoarders hoard!
It wasn't that well written but it did get the point across loud and clear.
Plus it made me crave watching some episodes of "Hoarders" on Hulu, which now I have done quite a few alongside this book and oh! the horrors of a hoarders hoard!
December 19, 2021
I have very mixed feelings about this book, for a couple of reasons. I'll start with the good. The title is very apt. It's definitely a diary, with a breezy, conversational tone, about a woman cleaning out her hoarder father's house to make it livable for him when he gets out of the hospital. This makes sense as this book started as a blog. I also grew up with a hoarder parent, and there was a lot in this book I could identify with.
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SPOILERS
Now, on to the bad. I struggled between giving this book two or three stars. I ended up giving it two, as there was a lot of trauma that was glossed over. The author had bad eczema and asthma growing up, very likely caused by prolonged exposure to dust from her father's hoarded house. Her mother struggled with trying to change the hoarding, sneaking trash into bins, and eventually suffered from extreme mental illness. Whether or not the hoarding caused her mental problems is left unclear.
I felt a lot of pity for the author. Throughout the book, she gets extremely angry, but brushes off her anger as "homicidal axe-murder tendencies." Near the beginning of the book, she takes one of her fathers multiple record players out of the hoard, and kicks and stomps on it to relieve her anger. The record breaking incident is references a few times throughout the book, and while she tries to play it off as humor, it's really not funny.
I think an editor could have helped this book. There's definitely an overuse of exclamation points and some things I would love to know a bit more about. For example, her brother Ant is barely in the story— despite living in her father's hoarded up house. It's mentioned that he has a learning disability, but I'm confused as to why he's still living in such a squalid place. Or why he barely appears to help clean out the hoard.
By the end, I was a little frustrated. There's a bit of helplessness, as she writes that there was nothing her mother could have done to help— I'm assuming divorce was out of the question, and child protective services didn't exist in Wales? She writes about her father refusing to call an ambulance when she's having an asthma attack, only doing so when she tries to get out the window to escape the dust in the house. To be blunt, her father seems like an awful person— overbearing, stubborn, sexist, and willfully oblivious to the profound and lasting affect his hoarding had on his wife and daughter. I kept hoping the author would talk about going into therapy, but it was just more chapters ending with indignant sentences ending with exclamation points.
I know exactly how frustrating and awful it is to have a hoarder parent. From the research and reading I've done, and in the support groups I've been in online, there's two options to keep your sanity: one, detach yourself from the situation, either in only helping when the hoarder asks, or expecting nothing in return for helping; or two, going no contact with the hoarder. A bleak assessment, I know. But hoarding is a mental illness, and expecting a hoarder to change just because YOU want them to will make you so frustrated you kick record players to pieces in the street.
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SPOILERS
Now, on to the bad. I struggled between giving this book two or three stars. I ended up giving it two, as there was a lot of trauma that was glossed over. The author had bad eczema and asthma growing up, very likely caused by prolonged exposure to dust from her father's hoarded house. Her mother struggled with trying to change the hoarding, sneaking trash into bins, and eventually suffered from extreme mental illness. Whether or not the hoarding caused her mental problems is left unclear.
I felt a lot of pity for the author. Throughout the book, she gets extremely angry, but brushes off her anger as "homicidal axe-murder tendencies." Near the beginning of the book, she takes one of her fathers multiple record players out of the hoard, and kicks and stomps on it to relieve her anger. The record breaking incident is references a few times throughout the book, and while she tries to play it off as humor, it's really not funny.
I think an editor could have helped this book. There's definitely an overuse of exclamation points and some things I would love to know a bit more about. For example, her brother Ant is barely in the story— despite living in her father's hoarded up house. It's mentioned that he has a learning disability, but I'm confused as to why he's still living in such a squalid place. Or why he barely appears to help clean out the hoard.
By the end, I was a little frustrated. There's a bit of helplessness, as she writes that there was nothing her mother could have done to help— I'm assuming divorce was out of the question, and child protective services didn't exist in Wales? She writes about her father refusing to call an ambulance when she's having an asthma attack, only doing so when she tries to get out the window to escape the dust in the house. To be blunt, her father seems like an awful person— overbearing, stubborn, sexist, and willfully oblivious to the profound and lasting affect his hoarding had on his wife and daughter. I kept hoping the author would talk about going into therapy, but it was just more chapters ending with indignant sentences ending with exclamation points.
I know exactly how frustrating and awful it is to have a hoarder parent. From the research and reading I've done, and in the support groups I've been in online, there's two options to keep your sanity: one, detach yourself from the situation, either in only helping when the hoarder asks, or expecting nothing in return for helping; or two, going no contact with the hoarder. A bleak assessment, I know. But hoarding is a mental illness, and expecting a hoarder to change just because YOU want them to will make you so frustrated you kick record players to pieces in the street.
February 11, 2022
God forgive me, before reading this book I might have been guilty of saying to the adult child of a hoarder, "I know just what you're going through. Both my parents were packrats." And they were, but their "saving" never equated to the nightmare experienced by those who live with true hoarders. No other book on this subject has brought home to me as clearly the anguish that these family members endure and the indelible scars that are left.
That said, this is not only a story of hoarding. I've read books by people who were raised by loving parents, one of whom caused them inconvenience and embarrassment by filling up their house with junk. This author's father was (is!) a selfish, self-centered, manipulative man who would have made life miserable for his family even if he wasn't a hoarder. As the story unfolds, the author begins to see the truth of her mother's mental decline and early death. Doctors diagnosed her with dementia, but friends and neighbors knew that she suffered a breakdown brought on by the stress of her unhappy marriage.
Another recurring theme is her father's blatant sexism, which caused him to ignore her life-threatening health problems when she was a child and justifies (in his mind) his contempt for her as an adult. Ironically, it was the undervalued daughter who managed to escape the insanity and live a normal life. The son remains at home and totally under his father's thumb.
Of course, no family story can be tied up in a neat bundle. There are unanswered questions. Why did the mother (an educated woman with a good job) stay in this miserable situation? Why did the daughter continue to come back home, even after she realized the physical and emotional harm of living with her parents? And the really big one - how did this woman find the strength and courage to get away?
This author writes very well and with out-standing intelligence and humor. I hate to resort to the over-used "compelling" but it is! I kept getting upset and putting it down, but I couldn't let go until I finished it. The foundation of this book is the author's blog and until I passed the three quarter mark I was marveling that she had managed to avoid the great danger of a blog-turned-book, which is repetition. However, in the last part of the book there IS some repetition. It's still a witty, perceptive book and a great read. This is one that will stay with me.
That said, this is not only a story of hoarding. I've read books by people who were raised by loving parents, one of whom caused them inconvenience and embarrassment by filling up their house with junk. This author's father was (is!) a selfish, self-centered, manipulative man who would have made life miserable for his family even if he wasn't a hoarder. As the story unfolds, the author begins to see the truth of her mother's mental decline and early death. Doctors diagnosed her with dementia, but friends and neighbors knew that she suffered a breakdown brought on by the stress of her unhappy marriage.
Another recurring theme is her father's blatant sexism, which caused him to ignore her life-threatening health problems when she was a child and justifies (in his mind) his contempt for her as an adult. Ironically, it was the undervalued daughter who managed to escape the insanity and live a normal life. The son remains at home and totally under his father's thumb.
Of course, no family story can be tied up in a neat bundle. There are unanswered questions. Why did the mother (an educated woman with a good job) stay in this miserable situation? Why did the daughter continue to come back home, even after she realized the physical and emotional harm of living with her parents? And the really big one - how did this woman find the strength and courage to get away?
This author writes very well and with out-standing intelligence and humor. I hate to resort to the over-used "compelling" but it is! I kept getting upset and putting it down, but I couldn't let go until I finished it. The foundation of this book is the author's blog and until I passed the three quarter mark I was marveling that she had managed to avoid the great danger of a blog-turned-book, which is repetition. However, in the last part of the book there IS some repetition. It's still a witty, perceptive book and a great read. This is one that will stay with me.
February 11, 2018
Okay....this will enter the DNF stack. I feel like I'm wasting my time pushing through this book when there are so many others awaiting my attention. Although Winter is able to express to the reader the sallowness, frustration, and extent of addressing someone who hoards in the family, each chapter is just a repetition of the other....whittle through several "junk" items, find some hidden valuables, make little impact on the piles, receive criticism instead of appreciation from the family member, repeat... I understand that this cycle is likely genuine but a summary would have sufficiently gotten it across to the reader. Instead, as a reader, I have a choice to not continue in the cycle so I've chosen to stop reading and "living" it.
April 18, 2016
Cleaning closets right now!
I enjoyed reading this book from a perspective of real life and not a staged for viewing TV program. I have watched hoarders several times but quit as it was so discouraging. I wondered if those shows where everything is removed from the house, sold at a yard sale, trashed or reused and the house remodeled were also hoarders and if it went right back to how it was. A good read and I hope there is a happy ending before Papa goes to his eternal reward. It for sure won't be a clean tidy house but perhaps an acceptance and appreciation.
I enjoyed reading this book from a perspective of real life and not a staged for viewing TV program. I have watched hoarders several times but quit as it was so discouraging. I wondered if those shows where everything is removed from the house, sold at a yard sale, trashed or reused and the house remodeled were also hoarders and if it went right back to how it was. A good read and I hope there is a happy ending before Papa goes to his eternal reward. It for sure won't be a clean tidy house but perhaps an acceptance and appreciation.
March 24, 2017
this book is a good read.yes it is about a hoarder and how his hording habits affects his family.
This book will make you laugh at the daughters escapades of trying to knock the mountain down to where is manageable . and the things she finds in that mountain.
It will make you sad in some parts of the book when she has to struggle with her memories and she sorts everything out before it gets put in a bag for garbage .
reading this book will help you to understand the hoarder, their families emotions . like I said It is a MUST READ!!!!!
This book will make you laugh at the daughters escapades of trying to knock the mountain down to where is manageable . and the things she finds in that mountain.
It will make you sad in some parts of the book when she has to struggle with her memories and she sorts everything out before it gets put in a bag for garbage .
reading this book will help you to understand the hoarder, their families emotions . like I said It is a MUST READ!!!!!
January 18, 2017
Really good
This was both realistic and compassionate. What a problem! She writes well and compellingly. An easy, informative read that may help out.
This was both realistic and compassionate. What a problem! She writes well and compellingly. An easy, informative read that may help out.
April 16, 2016
I thoroughly enjoyed this story told with humor and love.
June 5, 2016
Honest and well written
Reading this book made me feel the exhaustion and despair of those who are trying to help those who do not recognize their problems nor want to change.
Reading this book made me feel the exhaustion and despair of those who are trying to help those who do not recognize their problems nor want to change.
July 7, 2018
Fascinating read
Hoarders, is it genetic? Have seen shows & read books on this. Is it a mental disorder? Many different causes of this.
Hoarders, is it genetic? Have seen shows & read books on this. Is it a mental disorder? Many different causes of this.
July 14, 2018
One woman's experience with an emergency situation.
A paragraph from the book:
"'Dad, we need to get rid of some stuff so they’ll let you come home...’ I tailed off deciding that to attempt to continue the conversation would be totally and utterly futile. I wanted to hit him with a big stick. Luckily I couldn’t find one. "
The author's anger and frustration at the situation, as shown above, is a very recurring theme through the book. As she grew up, the hoarded piles through the house also grew, along with the author's serious (and potentially related) health issues. The author feels that the home situation lead to mental health issues for her mother, and her mother's premature passing as well.
Given the above, the author's increasing frustration and irritation at cleaning up a mess (understatement) that she did not create is understandable. Her father's stubborn refusal to acknowledge the problem, or the effort she's putting into the house so he can come home also grates on her nerves.
If you're looking for a book on hoarding solutions, this is not it. If you're looking for a book on the psychology behind hoarding and how to treat it, this is also not the book for you.
If you're looking for a book about a woman thrown into a situation she clearly doesn't want to be in, who wrote a diary to try to keep her sanity in the process, this may be the book for you.
She's not trying to fix her father, as a lifetime of hoarding can't be easily fixed. She just wants to make the home enough that he can come home, instead of her house, after his hospital stay. I appreciate that as much as she hates the clutter (again, understatement) she is still respectful enough to go through things carefully and mindfully. If you know a hoarder, you know how difficult this can be, valuables tucked in amid pure trash and heirlooms that look like junk.
It saddens me that as concerned she is with her mother, brother, and own mental and physical health, her tone seems to be dismissive of her father's. Her anger at the situation and how he treats her allows for little sympathy for him, though she is protective when the television crew arrived and more sensitive to his others treat him.
The writing and editing are both sound. The author's tone ranges from angry to martyrdom, which can be attributed to the diary nature of the book. She does admit that she comes off as aggressive and sarcastic, coping mechanisms that are somewhat less than healthy. I hope both she and her father find some peace.
A paragraph from the book:
"'Dad, we need to get rid of some stuff so they’ll let you come home...’ I tailed off deciding that to attempt to continue the conversation would be totally and utterly futile. I wanted to hit him with a big stick. Luckily I couldn’t find one. "
The author's anger and frustration at the situation, as shown above, is a very recurring theme through the book. As she grew up, the hoarded piles through the house also grew, along with the author's serious (and potentially related) health issues. The author feels that the home situation lead to mental health issues for her mother, and her mother's premature passing as well.
Given the above, the author's increasing frustration and irritation at cleaning up a mess (understatement) that she did not create is understandable. Her father's stubborn refusal to acknowledge the problem, or the effort she's putting into the house so he can come home also grates on her nerves.
If you're looking for a book on hoarding solutions, this is not it. If you're looking for a book on the psychology behind hoarding and how to treat it, this is also not the book for you.
If you're looking for a book about a woman thrown into a situation she clearly doesn't want to be in, who wrote a diary to try to keep her sanity in the process, this may be the book for you.
She's not trying to fix her father, as a lifetime of hoarding can't be easily fixed. She just wants to make the home enough that he can come home, instead of her house, after his hospital stay. I appreciate that as much as she hates the clutter (again, understatement) she is still respectful enough to go through things carefully and mindfully. If you know a hoarder, you know how difficult this can be, valuables tucked in amid pure trash and heirlooms that look like junk.
It saddens me that as concerned she is with her mother, brother, and own mental and physical health, her tone seems to be dismissive of her father's. Her anger at the situation and how he treats her allows for little sympathy for him, though she is protective when the television crew arrived and more sensitive to his others treat him.
The writing and editing are both sound. The author's tone ranges from angry to martyrdom, which can be attributed to the diary nature of the book. She does admit that she comes off as aggressive and sarcastic, coping mechanisms that are somewhat less than healthy. I hope both she and her father find some peace.
July 29, 2020
Having had a mother who was a hoarder as well as a friend, both of whom I spent years watching getting worse, I was looking forward to reading this book.
What a disappointment. Firstly, the book had no point. Telling the reader page after page after page in detail every unnecessary item she found...boring. Telling the reader over and over throughout the book all the health problems she had as a result of the hoarding...boring. Describing her repetitive ad nauseam conversations with her father...boring. When something gets retold that has absolutely no relevance to the story as with her trips abroad...boring. Yes, I found the book repetitive and boring.
Furthermore, I had a real issue with the disrespect the writer showed towards her father throughout the book. Calling him Imelda once may have been funny. Calling him Imelda over and over in stead of dad is just nasty. I found it ironic that she wanted to make sure the TV program showed him in a good light, when she did the opposite with this book. How can you constantly make fun of an 83-year old man that cannot hear properly and whose mind is not working 100% anymore? Honestly, the writer seems to have at least as many issues as her poor dad.
What would have made for an interesting book is to have gone in depth as to the reasons for the hoarding as well as her own growth in coming to terms with it. It has been shown that not being able to get rid of possessions is often linked to a big loss that the hoarder experienced. I know this was true for both my mom (her beloved husband, my dad) and my friend (her dad whom she adored). Writing a superficial book about cleaning up after a hoarder, just has no point.
What a disappointment. Firstly, the book had no point. Telling the reader page after page after page in detail every unnecessary item she found...boring. Telling the reader over and over throughout the book all the health problems she had as a result of the hoarding...boring. Describing her repetitive ad nauseam conversations with her father...boring. When something gets retold that has absolutely no relevance to the story as with her trips abroad...boring. Yes, I found the book repetitive and boring.
Furthermore, I had a real issue with the disrespect the writer showed towards her father throughout the book. Calling him Imelda once may have been funny. Calling him Imelda over and over in stead of dad is just nasty. I found it ironic that she wanted to make sure the TV program showed him in a good light, when she did the opposite with this book. How can you constantly make fun of an 83-year old man that cannot hear properly and whose mind is not working 100% anymore? Honestly, the writer seems to have at least as many issues as her poor dad.
What would have made for an interesting book is to have gone in depth as to the reasons for the hoarding as well as her own growth in coming to terms with it. It has been shown that not being able to get rid of possessions is often linked to a big loss that the hoarder experienced. I know this was true for both my mom (her beloved husband, my dad) and my friend (her dad whom she adored). Writing a superficial book about cleaning up after a hoarder, just has no point.
September 17, 2021
This is the ‘Authors’ story. She is the daughter of a hoarder and she tells the story of what happens in an emergency situation and she is expected to straighten things out. Her father is in the hospital so all the responsibility lies with her. She wants to do the right thing and tries to go through his things to find certain documents for him and to also try to make his home somewhat safe and presentable for when he comes home. He is not making life easy for her and he demands she not throw anything away. My sympathies go out to her because not only does she have this huge responsibility but she also has a full time Job, a husband and children to care for.
Her father is ungrateful and does not acknowledge he has a problem. She is trying to respect his wishes while at the same time wants to remove the clutter so he can live in a safe clean environment. I can not even begin to comprehend what this author has to deal with. My father was a messy person but nothing close to hoarding to this degree. I felt like the author was extremely respectful of her fathers wishes while at the same time she is just venting her frustrations at this impossible situation and who can really blame her, after all her heart was in the right place. She is only trying to make life easier for him.
I won a kindle copy of this book from a ‘Goodreads’ giveaway. I felt the book was an interesting and very informative read.
Reviews posted on Amazon, B&N, Goodreads & Kindle.
Her father is ungrateful and does not acknowledge he has a problem. She is trying to respect his wishes while at the same time wants to remove the clutter so he can live in a safe clean environment. I can not even begin to comprehend what this author has to deal with. My father was a messy person but nothing close to hoarding to this degree. I felt like the author was extremely respectful of her fathers wishes while at the same time she is just venting her frustrations at this impossible situation and who can really blame her, after all her heart was in the right place. She is only trying to make life easier for him.
I won a kindle copy of this book from a ‘Goodreads’ giveaway. I felt the book was an interesting and very informative read.
Reviews posted on Amazon, B&N, Goodreads & Kindle.
July 11, 2018
Easy to see myself and my parents in her, but with stuff only one or two layers deep.
Food for thought. My get spent have stacks/piles yet, but there are no horizontal surfaces to be dusted except attend the wedges of the clutter. I know my parents' basement is full of junk; my grandfather helped clear it out, built them shelves for storage, and before long the shelves we're overflowing, and the floor was covered all over again. Maybe 2 layers deep.
I have lots of stuff too. Most of my cupboards hold things I rarely use. The stuff I use is mostly out in plain sight, but not easy to find.
I often imagine if we'd bought a house that was as small in spots as the amount of room clear for us to squeeze past. Would we really precast a home with only a foot of clear some between stuff along or walks and the bed.
I thought the daughter was a little too patient--its not her stuff to clear--and she needs to keep in mind that she'll end up clearing "his" stuff out entirely on her own "later".
Food for thought. My get spent have stacks/piles yet, but there are no horizontal surfaces to be dusted except attend the wedges of the clutter. I know my parents' basement is full of junk; my grandfather helped clear it out, built them shelves for storage, and before long the shelves we're overflowing, and the floor was covered all over again. Maybe 2 layers deep.
I have lots of stuff too. Most of my cupboards hold things I rarely use. The stuff I use is mostly out in plain sight, but not easy to find.
I often imagine if we'd bought a house that was as small in spots as the amount of room clear for us to squeeze past. Would we really precast a home with only a foot of clear some between stuff along or walks and the bed.
I thought the daughter was a little too patient--its not her stuff to clear--and she needs to keep in mind that she'll end up clearing "his" stuff out entirely on her own "later".
June 30, 2019
I watched the hoarder shows on TV . I realize that some people hoard for reasons some unknown to us. I can understand to a certain extent but if its garbage its garbage - throw it out. I can say you did so much to help your dad. I don't know if I could have been as patient as you. I myself helped a friend whose home was so horrible I almost fell over when I seen it . I helped her with her living room and kitchen. I explained how to organize things and such so it doesn't get cluttered with stuff again. After that I gave up once I seen later on it was just as horrible again. Maybe its just laziness for some people, maybe not. Some just wont change cause their so use to living that way. I feel sorry for all you've gone thru health wise too and also your brother for having to live with it as well .
July 7, 2019
Once I started this book I couldn’t put it down. I liked the writing style and the humour that is used to defuse difficult situations. There are lots of ‘oh no’ moments where the author’s despair and frustration comes through clearly but despite the seemingly hopelessness of the task she plugs away trying hard to make life easier for both her father and her brother. There is no doubt that she suffered several serious and life threatening episodes throughout her childhood that were caused by neglect and still suffers from a justifiable anger and yet she still desperately wants to help her father - with little to no thanks.
I liked it and would recommend it. There are occasions, however, where there is quite a bit of repetition and so could have been better edited but this didn’t in any way diminish the book.
I liked it and would recommend it. There are occasions, however, where there is quite a bit of repetition and so could have been better edited but this didn’t in any way diminish the book.
November 25, 2020
Great book!
I really enjoyed this book. As a member of Gen X, raising my daughter while dealing with an elderly mother who lives in what I consider a complete pigsty, I took heart to now I’m not alone and that others have it worse.
I’ve thought about what happens when my mother passes, and I’m left to clean everything out. It’s a daunting prospect. I’m trying to convince her to get rid of things now. She has gotten rid of a few things.
She’s a smoker and her place smells. When I come home, everything goes straight into the washer and I take a shower. It’s sad, and I worry about my own health. Maybe I should start wearing a mask when I visit her. I was sick a lot as a kid, and maybe now I know why.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your words help so many people around the world. Thank you.
I really enjoyed this book. As a member of Gen X, raising my daughter while dealing with an elderly mother who lives in what I consider a complete pigsty, I took heart to now I’m not alone and that others have it worse.
I’ve thought about what happens when my mother passes, and I’m left to clean everything out. It’s a daunting prospect. I’m trying to convince her to get rid of things now. She has gotten rid of a few things.
She’s a smoker and her place smells. When I come home, everything goes straight into the washer and I take a shower. It’s sad, and I worry about my own health. Maybe I should start wearing a mask when I visit her. I was sick a lot as a kid, and maybe now I know why.
Thank you for sharing your story. Your words help so many people around the world. Thank you.
September 19, 2022
Wow, not the ending I was expecting, but still very good
Wow! I started reading this because my mother has hoarding tendencies. My grandmother is a hoarder and I have helped empty 2 of her houses. I have a basement full of stuff that I need to pitch because I don't want to be a hoarder too. I was hoping this book would give me some insight or help, but it wasn't about that. It was about her dealing with her father the hoarder, coming to realize things about her father and her mother and her childhood. It was more of a reflection. I don't want to say I enjoyed the book, but I did a little. It hit close to home for me, which was a good thing, but was also a little stressful for me. Overall, a good read. Thought provoking and inspirational for me to be more like her and less like our hoarder parents.
Wow! I started reading this because my mother has hoarding tendencies. My grandmother is a hoarder and I have helped empty 2 of her houses. I have a basement full of stuff that I need to pitch because I don't want to be a hoarder too. I was hoping this book would give me some insight or help, but it wasn't about that. It was about her dealing with her father the hoarder, coming to realize things about her father and her mother and her childhood. It was more of a reflection. I don't want to say I enjoyed the book, but I did a little. It hit close to home for me, which was a good thing, but was also a little stressful for me. Overall, a good read. Thought provoking and inspirational for me to be more like her and less like our hoarder parents.
April 20, 2019
A daughters love pushed to the limits
Having read her book, about her time in a call centre, her personality struck a chord with me so chose to read this book about her father the horder, really felt for her just wish she was someone I could talk her problems over with a cup of tea, not that the problems would disappear, but at least she knew she had people supporting her. She manages to write this book with humour and yes love for her insufferable father, hope one day she can look on this with humour she certainly has, but she deserves a medal for clearly not losing the love she has for her father. Well written and doesn't destroy her father's personality throughout it all, which is a miracle in itself.
Having read her book, about her time in a call centre, her personality struck a chord with me so chose to read this book about her father the horder, really felt for her just wish she was someone I could talk her problems over with a cup of tea, not that the problems would disappear, but at least she knew she had people supporting her. She manages to write this book with humour and yes love for her insufferable father, hope one day she can look on this with humour she certainly has, but she deserves a medal for clearly not losing the love she has for her father. Well written and doesn't destroy her father's personality throughout it all, which is a miracle in itself.
July 26, 2019
A personal and sad story with no end.
I wasn't sure I liked Isabelle at first because she sounded too angry about her father's hoarding but when she finally got to explain some of the backstory or history she came alive to me. Her mother's story is heartbreaking and I'm so glad she found here mother's writings. Her own health problems were likely made so much worse because of the hoarding and callous disregard of her father.
She tried to help her father but this disorder is so pervasive that nothing will change until he passes. Then she or her poor brother will be left with the hoard all over again. I hope she will unearth some more belongings of her mother and find some peace with all she's endured.
I wasn't sure I liked Isabelle at first because she sounded too angry about her father's hoarding but when she finally got to explain some of the backstory or history she came alive to me. Her mother's story is heartbreaking and I'm so glad she found here mother's writings. Her own health problems were likely made so much worse because of the hoarding and callous disregard of her father.
She tried to help her father but this disorder is so pervasive that nothing will change until he passes. Then she or her poor brother will be left with the hoard all over again. I hope she will unearth some more belongings of her mother and find some peace with all she's endured.
June 7, 2025
I was interested to read this book as I have a family member whom I'm sure is a hoarder. (Thankfully not one I live with) I totally sympathize with the situation that the author found herself in and am horrified at how she grew up in these conditions with her allergies. I'm also sorry that her Mother didn't manage to get her children out of that situation.
As a reader I found Izabelle's constant venting (although understandable) and a lot of repetition in the story, became tiresome. I was also disappointed that there was not more done to at least try to get her father some help for what was obviously a mental health problem. If you need some inspiration to do some de-cluttering, this is the book for you !!!
As a reader I found Izabelle's constant venting (although understandable) and a lot of repetition in the story, became tiresome. I was also disappointed that there was not more done to at least try to get her father some help for what was obviously a mental health problem. If you need some inspiration to do some de-cluttering, this is the book for you !!!
April 12, 2022
Why Izabelle?
An unusual book, brilliantly written on a very sad subject. But Imelda is such a horrible man, father or not, I'd have walked away years before, especially realizing what her poor mother went through because of him. Izabelle tells her story so well and I'm so pleased she managed to have such an interesting life, in spite of her ailments, all brought on by Imelda. I feel so sorry for Ant, as he's stuck in that house but seems to cope considering autism is such an orderly syndrome the opposite of hoarding.
This book gives an insight into an awful situation with real people's lives and made me so grateful for my ordinary life
An unusual book, brilliantly written on a very sad subject. But Imelda is such a horrible man, father or not, I'd have walked away years before, especially realizing what her poor mother went through because of him. Izabelle tells her story so well and I'm so pleased she managed to have such an interesting life, in spite of her ailments, all brought on by Imelda. I feel so sorry for Ant, as he's stuck in that house but seems to cope considering autism is such an orderly syndrome the opposite of hoarding.
This book gives an insight into an awful situation with real people's lives and made me so grateful for my ordinary life
May 19, 2025
This book is so fascinating, well written and shocking that I must dare you, once you open it, to put it down. Most everyone knows someone with a hoarding obsession or at least a family member of a hoarder and a book that addresses just this is so vital. I did not realize how pervasive, distressing and soul-crushing this mental illness can be, especially to the family member living under the same roof. The health ramifications are tragic, severe and to some life-threatening.
Talented author, impactful subject, a must-read!
Talented author, impactful subject, a must-read!
February 20, 2018
No Category
This book was available for free on the Kindle app-- so my expectations were pretty low. This is not a work of art, or particularly eloquent-- but it does have an authenticity that is charming. My heart breaks for the author-- and the difficulties that being the daughter of a hoarder entails. It speaks to all of us who increasingly find ourselves caring for our aging parents- all stories that are not without some amount of frustration and loneliness.
This book was available for free on the Kindle app-- so my expectations were pretty low. This is not a work of art, or particularly eloquent-- but it does have an authenticity that is charming. My heart breaks for the author-- and the difficulties that being the daughter of a hoarder entails. It speaks to all of us who increasingly find ourselves caring for our aging parents- all stories that are not without some amount of frustration and loneliness.
January 31, 2019
This is a very realistic yet extreme account of a hoarder and his daughter. She was saintly in the way she was forever kind to him. I had a similar but less extreme version of this with my mother and it caused major issues with us.
The book is very detailed and sometimes, I wanted to say to the author to just get on with the story but I am sure it was therapeutic for her to write it all.
Worth a read if you know any hoarders, otherwise would not make sense to you.
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The book is very detailed and sometimes, I wanted to say to the author to just get on with the story but I am sure it was therapeutic for her to write it all.
Worth a read if you know any hoarders, otherwise would not make sense to you.
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