It Runs in the Family: On Being Raised by Radicals and Growing Into Rebellious Motherhood

by Frida Berrigan

Parenting is hard. So is being a peacemaker in a violent world. It Runs in the Family is a book about how parents can create lasting and meaningful bulwarks between their kids and the violence endemic in our culture. It posits discipline without spanks or slaps or threats of violence, while considering how to raise thoughtful, compassionate, fearless young people committed to social and political change — without scaring, hectoring or scarring them with all the wrongs in the world.

Frida Berrigan is a mother and stepmother, wife and daughter. Her parents, Phil Berrigan and Elizabeth McAlister, were a former priest and nun who became nationwide icons for their prophetic witness against war and nuclear weapons, which sometimes resulted in long jail sentences. Berrigan grew up in the community they helped found, Jonah House in Baltimore, and becoming a parent herself has forced her to come to terms with her own upbringing in new ways.

Expanding on the stories in her popular column for the website Waging Nonviolence, Berrigan has crafted a welcome antidote to the various parenting fads currently on offer from French moms and tiger moms and mean moms. She offers a unique perspective on parenting that derives from hard work, deep reflection, and lots of trial and error.

Genres: Memoir, Parenting, Spirituality, Social Justice

206 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2015

About the author

Frida Berrigan serves on the board of The War Resisters League, a 90-year-old pacifist organization, and helped to found Witness Against Torture, a nonviolent direct action group focused on shutting down Guantánamo and ending torture. She long served as a researcher at the New America Foundation’s Arms and Security Initiative in New York City, writing and speaking on the topic of militarism. She lived at the New York Catholic Worker before moving to New London, CT with her husband Patrick Sheehan-Gaumer. Patrick is a social worker, second-generation peace activist and father to their 7-year-old daughter Rosena Jane. Their son Seamus Philip was born in July 2012 and Frida became a stay-at-home mom. Their daughter Madeline Vida was born in February 2014. While the baby naps or plays, she writes the “Little Insurrections” blog for Waging Nonviolence, tends a few plots at the community garden and helps keep a busy household on its toes.

Reviews

[Larry Bassett · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first child was born when I was nineteen. I am now sixty-eight and have an eleven year old adopted daughter. I said I was going to keep on having kids until I got it right! Well, this is a book that will give you some clues about what "getting it right" actually means. I have never managed to do that, regrettably, but there is still hope for some of you!

[John Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good.

[Jana · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s fun reading about these people I know, having been alive, aware, and in some cases present in some of the places and for of the events described. It’s interesting to read how one of the next generation of my contemporaries has processed everything and how she lives and raises her kids now. Shout out to Frida, Patrick and the family.

[BJ Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read in advance of hearing the author speak -- which I look forward to, since I'd like to hear her perspectives a few years on in parenting.
Enjoyed the glimpses of Philip Berrigan, Liz McAlister and growing up in Jonah House.

[Cecilia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick and easy inspiring read that makes you want to be a better person.

[viemag · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this little book, written by Frida Berrigan, the daughter of Phil Berrigan and Elizabeth McAlister. I remembered her father from his anti Vietnam war protests and was curious about his daughter. The book is about Ms. Berrigan's childhood, at Jonah House, the Catholic Worker House, where she lived with her parents and siblings and other members. It is also about her current life as a wife and mother. And, it shares her feelings about current society and encourages all of us to be more aware of our world and how we can save it. Lots to think about.

[Ajgoebertus · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a new mom, I finished Frida Berrigan's book, It Runs in the Family, rather swiftly as I began to adjust to the wake-sleep cycle of my newborn. I consider it one of the best ways a new mom who strives to live a just and generous life in our world can receive inspiration and perspective on continuing to make this choice even with the new and profound responsibility of raising a child. However, I venture to say this is a great book for anyone who is a caretaker in some way and is interested in balance and the natural ebb and flow of life's responsibilities and gifts.

A good portion of the book also recounts Frida's childhood and life as a Berrigan. I enjoyed her candid and intimate stories as well as was humbled by the integrity with which her family strived to live. Despite the unique and countercultural nurturing and education she received from her community, Frida's voice shines as her own. It is one that deeply respects where she came from but also offers her own struggle and reflection to live in an authentic way which aligns with her beliefs.

Her perspective on parenting is refreshing. She doesn't offer answers or a guidebook, but she offers a perspective that is rooted in love and filled with compassion for the world. She conveys the challenge of raising and guiding her children - how to reconcile being the parent who establishes routines, rules, and educates but also being the witness to the individuality and mystery of her children. Fighting against corrupt power and the establishment has been a part of her life from the beginning, and she humbly recognizes the need to reflect on her role as a mother and the tendency for power and control to affect her relationships with her children.

As I struggle with my own choices and priorities as a new mom, her unequivocal confidence as a stay-at-home-mom is refreshing and inspiring.

I am so glad that Frida Berrigan share this window into her life, her childhood and her family. She writes, "My parents showed me that being part of building a new society in the shell of the old is fun, interesting, and refreshing. It brought my sister, brother and I into deep relationships with strange and fascinating people, freed us from the bounds of convention, consumption, and carelessness. It allowed us to be creative; it motivated us to build what you need and share it with neighbors." Just as their parents instilled this in them, Frida and her husband, Patrick, seem to be continuing to help build a new society and not be indifferent to the joys and suffering of the world.

[lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a parent longing for a more peaceful world, I find myself hungry for inspiration. With It Runs in the Family , activist and author Frida Berrigan has written a soul-nourishing book. I recommend this inspiring memoir.

My complete review is posted on my blog, light to read by.

[Vhicy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quick and easy, yet thought-provoking and conscience-twiddling; normalises sustainable living. A few adoptable concepts: bringing back birthday parties from the OTT; living below the tax bracket (or at least, living simply and minimally).

[Veronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Obviously a quick read. Frida makes you uncomfortable but in a good way. Full review soon.

[Anna Shade · Rating 4 out of 5]

Part historical account, part inspiration for any smart mom struggling to raise conscious kids in this world. Light and fun read.

[Luke · Rating 3 out of 5]

Essays on non-violent resistance and childhood, well-considered and measured but not deep.

[Jolanda Howe · Rating 4 out of 5]

An inspiring read! A little preachy at times, but thought provoking.

[Elena Landriscina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful little book that brims with love for the world.