How Am I Not the Monster

by Radar DeBoard

A being from another plane of existence is sent to Earth to harvest fear from a little girl, but it soon learns that it is far from the only thing bringing terror into the child's life.

Genres: Horror, Novella

33 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 17, 2025

Reviews

[Matty · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sad story about the cruelties of life.

[Veronica ☠️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

An entity from another dimension comes to earth to serve his master. His master feeds and lives off of fear, and what better place to find true fear than in an innocent child. When he visits Kendra for the first time, fear is easy to take. But the job doesn't stay easy for long.

I really enjoyed being in the POV of the monster. When you think of the boogeyman, you think of fear and a ruthless monster. Radar has a nice spin on this monster because although he is evil, he also somewhat has a heart. Kendra will break your heart. This is a very short, must read. Radars writing is very strong, and in just 33 pages, he will take you on an emotional ride!

[Nat Whiston · Rating 5 out of 5]

So the best way to describe this story is if Monsters Inc was made into a horror. Following the life of Kendra into her adult life, the being that explores her psyche is there to produce fear. Which in turn it takes back to its creator in another plan, and is a very compelling read. The monster as such ends up becoming attached to its victim. As it explores her mind searching for ways to invoke a reaction to create this fear response. Only as the years go on, the task becomes a lot harder. As life proves to be more cruel and has a devastating effect on Kendra. This is a very creative route to take with the idea, I can't help but admire Radar and his resilience with this story.
As the elements of Horror prove that real world damage is far more terrifying than anything the monster can create. The story takes a sharp dark turn for Kendra, leaving the reader feeling sorry for her. As life rips and tears any shred of optimism and hope she once had as a child.

[Allyssa Gaines · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this unique narrator! Who knew the monster living under the bed would have so many thoughts and feelings? I definitely got the sense that this monster grew to be conflicted with their position. They have to scare their assigned girl and take her fear, but when they realize just how sad her life is, they realize maybe it’s not worth it. I definitely got the sense they cared about this little girl as they watched her grow up. As a side note, if this was ever to be turned into an audiobook, I would LOVE for it to be read from someone with a deep British accent, because that’s how I read it in my head lol.

[Metal Megz · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC review 📚
How Am I Not The Monster by Radar Steal
This is a short horror story about a low-level parasitic demon that feeds on human fear.
I appreciate that the story was told from the viewpoint of the monster. It took the trope of monster under the bed, made it new and gave the monster a big heart. Minimal gore. It was a horror & psychology mashup that left me wanting more!
Released yesterday!
4.5/5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Grab your copy here: https://a.co/d/268GSvZ

[Shana · Rating 5 out of 5]

#BookLoungeReviewTeam
Book: How Am I Not the Monster
Author: Radar DeBoard
Rating: 5⭐️
Genre: Horror

✨️✨️✨️ BLURB: ✨️✨️✨️

A being from another plane of existence is sent to Earth to harvest fear from a little girl, but it soon learns that it is far from the only thing bringing terror into the child's life.

✨️✨️✨️ REVIEW: ✨️✨️✨️

Oh man, this was short but powerful. Think Monsters Inc., but dark and sad. I didn't know what to expect from only 33 pages, but it sounded interesting and had good reviews. I totally understand why now.
The writing was great, it's told from the monsters pov. The environment was described well; I struggle to visualize, but feel I was able to accurately imagine most of the rooms and scenarios described. I truly felt for both Kendra and the monster...
In short, this is worth checking out. You'll knock it out fast and I'm willing to bet you'll enjoy it. :)

✨️✨️✨️ RATING SYSTEM: ✨️✨️✨️

5⭐️ Could not put down and will think about for days or weeks to come, will definitely reread
4⭐️ Could not put down, would probably reread
3⭐️ Great story, but could set it aside and take my time with it
2⭐️ Good story, feel the need to finish and know what happens, but no rush
1⭐️ Probably should have stopped reading, but didn't for some reason and here we are (rarely used)

[Claudia Rambles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Monsters under the bed… We all thought we had one when we were kids and this one haunts kids to serve his master.

In this book, we follow this monster that every few years visits Kendra, to give her nightmares and feed off her fears, but little by little he starts to realise that he’s not the scariest thing in her life.

The way Radar’s writes triggers emotions of grief, sadness and anger.

With no use of gore, the shocking factor hits you hard, and it will leave you questioning who is the real monster.

How am I Not the Monster is just 34 pages, but it’s one that will definitely leave a mark.

This review and more here:
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[Bambi Ortiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved that the point of view was from the monster under the bed. It was such a refreshing take compared to regular points of view.

The different emotions and feelings the monster has, even though he collects fear, makes you realize that even monsters aren't all that different from humans.

This was my first read from Radar DeBoard, and I can't wait to read more of his work.

[Karen Oldman · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this short we follow an unnamed monster as he feeds on the fears of a young girl every few years. As she grows up, it has a harder and harder time harvesting fear from her. Scanning her subconscious, it learns that maybe it is not in fact, the thing that humans should be afraid of.

So Radar did it again. Another emotional gut punch. At only 33 pages this is a quick read and I would recommend it to any horror fan, but maybe grab a comfort item for the duration. The most horrifying aspects here are also sadly, mundane realities for all too many people. Excuse me while I go hug my cats.

[karen adams · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ending was sad.

[Austrian Spencer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my first time reading Radar – I bought this novella and his “Just keep running” upon learning he’d just become a parent – Congratulations, Radar and family! At 33 pages, this is a one-sitting read, which deals with a creature that feeds on fear, collecting that fear from it’s chosen subject, to collect and bring back to its master. So pretty much Monsters Inc. I guess, but without the cute furry monster and with more of an emphasis on torturing a child through psychological warfare.
The book felt somewhat limited through the perspective of the monster – given that the creature is invisible, has powers like reading the mind of its victims, and can be deadly brutal when required. All of the information comes in the form of description from the monster – there is no dialogue in the book, it observes, it has opinions, it invokes fear, it moves on. Because of this, I felt distant – we observe as does the monster. This isn’t a book where you get to empathize with the monster, and to a degree, my empathy for the victim was also removed through this disassociation of the monster – he is there to invoke fear. But Radar highlights the various stages in a woman’s downfall – as she becomes increasingly unlucky and downtrodden. Her eventual fall from grace and downward spiral is seen from chapter to chapter, the monster itself watching it and only worrying about how it’s quota of fear will be affected. The fact that the spiral is caused by the monster’s continued interference is irrelevant to it – and that distance made the writing interesting, but also distant.
The writing was clean, and the flow was good – I’m looking forward to reading the other book I bought from Radar. I’m giving this 3 ⭐’s out of 5

[Henry Liam · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best way to describe this story is: imagine if Monsters, Inc. was reimagined as a horror tale. It follows the life of Kendra from childhood into adulthood, as a creature from another dimension invades her mind to extract fear an energy it delivers back to its creator in another realm. What starts as a simple mission becomes far more complicated as the entity forms a strange attachment to its target.

As it searches deeper into her psyche to trigger fear responses, it finds that life itself becomes the greatest source of pain. Over time, Kendra’s experiences grow darker, and the fear the creature once harvested so easily becomes rooted in real trauma. The lines blur between the monster’s influence and the harsh reality of her world.

[Rainbeaux Harvest · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you have no tear ducts or emotions, you can easily get through this quick read. If you are a cold-hearted person who needs thawing out, this story will help you. I am the latter, so I claim. I went in expecting something like the movie Legion, with lots of gore and mayhem, but ended up picturing the movie Monster's Inc. Kendra is Boo but with a twist. I imagine this being real life for so many kids. The trauma at home, school, and in life. You never know what someone is going through or what their fear really is. I absolutely loved this story, and it thawed my cold heart out just a little.

[Jamie Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a unique perspective within a book! A curious monster from under the bed has been given the task of haunting the dreams and digging up the worst fears from a young girl named Kendra. While she is younger it is easy to feed off her fears. But as she gets older and the monster under the bed sees her age, it starts to get complicated.

This is my second book by this author and he sure knows how to create a story that is dark and depressing. Sounds bad but I enjoy it. I want books to make me emotional in whatever way that fits. That’s what it’s all about!

👹 Happy Reading 🛌

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a novelette consisting of 34 pages but it is very much impactful. A monster from another plane is assigned by its creator to scare Kendra but quickly realizes it is just one of the many things she has to be afraid of. Like many monster books, this shows how the horrors that humans commit can be scarier than anything supernatural. Also I like that this is written from the monster's perspective. After reading this I will definitely be eager to read more from Radar DeBoard. :)

[Tori Bulmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not your typical horror book. It’s exactly what the author said it would be. Monster’s Inc but for adults.
This book has a sort of realism that is the terror of the story. A monster, a child growing up, and the harsh world around her. The struggle of a girl, abusive household, bullying and then giving up.
This book was creative yet sort of familiar. It was a very short read but beautiful!
10/10 would recommend for for any thriller/horror lover!

[Mel Bee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parasitic fear sucking demon from Hell….with heart. I received this review copy from Radar and I can’t thank him enough! It’s a short and fast read about the life of Kendra and her relationship with a monster that she knows nothing about-or does she? There’s some light gore and lots of feelings. Recommend!

[SpookyKat · Rating 5 out of 5]

This short story really hits you hard. We have a mix of grief, psychological, and monster/alien? stuff going on here. Over the course of several years, this creature comes to feed off the fear of a girl. It starts when she is young and follows her into adulthood...
It dives into the things that really scare us and it is POWERFUL. Quick read that will leave a lasting impression.

[Micki-D · Rating 4 out of 5]

It just ended too soon I was trying to flip for more pages.

This book is dark, deep and full of misery and sadness a grief/ psychological horror that made me grieve. A parasitic Monster that is feeding on fears of a lady most of her life through.
Why is this monster going after her and no one else?

[Sareya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is told by a monster who is on a mission to extract fear from a young girl. As we follow along in the story, we come to realize that in life there are scarier things than monsters. I was both rooting for the monster and felt bad for the little girl. This book had a great, yet sad, message on life circumstances and society.

[Silja Evelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great example of how horror stories with cosmic monsters can address the very real terrors of mundane, everyday life. Minimum wage is a lot scarier than the thing under your bed that feeds on your fear.

[Wicked Habit · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly unique outsider perspective into the internal trauma humans carry and live with. I’ve never read a grief horror story quite like this one.
We follow the “boogie man” feeding on the fear of a girl named Kendra at different stages throughout her life.

[Paige Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got to read this early and I loved it! A supernatural entity is feeding off of a little girls fear. A quick read that will leave a strong impact upon finishing.

[Raven Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a great little fluffy horror :) very thoughtful and creatively written

[J.M. Horn · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting story based on the POV of the monster.

An unexpected connection develops over time.

DeBoard keeps upping his game.

[Ravenna Baylie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the unique perspective from the monster under the bed it felt so refreshing compared to the usual points of view. I’m excited to dive into more of his work!

[kessy Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a haunting and original premise! The blend of supernatural horror with real-world trauma is deeply compelling. I’m already hooked just from the summary.

[joel Austine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story sounds like it offers more than just scares it promises emotional depth and a unique perspective on fear. Can’t wait to dive in.

[Sandra Sampson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the twist that the monster might not be the scariest thing in the girl’s life. That kind of layered storytelling is exactly what I look for in dark fiction

[fred ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A brilliant hook. I’m fascinated by the idea that the child’s real-life experiences might be darker than any supernatural threat. That contrast is powerful.