Oh, Never Mind

by Mary H.K. Choi

Fresh out of college, Mary H.K. Choi booked a one-way ticket to New York City and never looked back. Twelve years and countless jobs, dates and a bajillion dollars in rent later, she'd finally had enough. In “Oh, Never Mind,” Choi chronicles her decision to let go of New York by looking back at the hilarious, and often brutal, life lessons the city taught her -- about love, money, friendship and, above all, herself. From buying a criminally expensive Rick Owens coat to quitting bulimia to accidentally dating a guy who works at the airport, these profoundly funny essays capture a young woman’s struggles coming of age in a city that not only doesn’t sleep; it keeps you up at night.

Mary H.K. Choi is a contributor to The New York Times, GQ, Wired, Allure and Billboard. She is the head writer of “Take Part Live,” a daily news show. She is a former editor of MTV Style and executive producer of the documentary “House of Style: Music, Models and MTV.” She’s written comic books for Marvel and Vertigo, and is a founder of Missbehave magazine.

Cover design by Kristen Radtke.

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Memoir, Short Stories, Biography, Audiobook, Biography Memoir

38 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 1, 2014

About the author

Mary H.K. Choi is a Korean-American author, editor, television and print journalist. She is the author of young adult novel Emergency Contact (2018). She is the culture correspondent on Vice News Tonight on HBO and was previously a columnist at Wired and Allure magazines as well as a freelance writer. She attended a large public high school in a suburb of San Antonio, then college at the University of Texas at Austin, where she majored in Textile and Apparel.

Reviews

[emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

firmly Team Mary HK Choi.

4 stars

--------------

i have loved one mary hk choi book and hated one mary hk choi book.

let's find out where we stand.

[Berengaria · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 stars

short review for busy readers: A snappy collection of personal essays/articles by South Korean author and fashion journalist, Mary HK Choi.

in detail:
Choi's observations about fashion, living in NY vs LA, boyfriends, bulimia, feeling ugly, Korean kids, Korean parents and the differences between Hong Kong and America are quite funny at times, but also very, very snarky. You'll be laughing...and they she'll say something that makes you think "girl, you just went from chummy comedian to unlikable bizatch".

While on the whole the essays/articles/blogs are well done, I found the biggest drawback to be that they're very cursory. That is, Choi whizzes from one topic to the next like a hummingbird with ADD. Hardly have we settled into one topic, we're galloping off to the next at breakneck speed.

Choi is also very honest about her personal faults. Very honest. Exhibitionist honest.

I think it would take guts to publicly say you moved to LA without telling any of your friends...just to see who got genuinely upset you never said anything -- because those are the ones who really care about you!! Or that you are very co-dependent, have never NOT had a boyfriend since you were 13 and will latch onto the first 'nice' guy you meet.

Through her topics and stories, she comes off as quite good at her job, intelligent and fun, but as rather a wreck of a human being on the inside. She's mature and wise enough to see that she wasn't ready for certain things and is glad she's had some of the knocks she's had. That comes at the end as a bit of a 180, but it shows that she sees her life as a work in progress....which is exactly what it is.

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another Kindle single courtesy of IHG hotels. Not sorry I picked it from the list of available titles, but can't honestly recommend it either. While the author writes well, she also struck me as self-impressed, if not obnoxious. Couldn't relate to her life much at all, and I lived in NYC myself for a few years. Either you're her target audience (the gushing reviewers) or you're not (me).

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Star Rating —> 3.5 Stars Rounded ^

*Note: Possible triggers for some more sensitive readers ! The author does NOT hold back, and the writing is raw & most-times gritty in content. If profanity bothers you this is definitely not for you. Just a warning.*

An unabashedly honest- I mean seriously, no holds barred, AT ALL -& the best kind of snarky, yet somehow charming short story memoir on being a Korean woman living in America, & living in New York- and how that affected Choi’s life from her teens to 12 years later, when she moved to LA to write full time.

She talks about the different jobs that she went through, the boyfriends she dated (mostly, for far too long), the pressure of her mother, struggling with bulimia, & dealing with others’ perceptions of her as an Asian young woman/ woman (because the fact that you’re Asian is all people usually see, no matter where you are from) in America.

It is at its heart, a story about how happiness is the key to living a fulfilled life & becoming acclimated to the fact, which she came to learn from her quite lengthy time living in New York, that you shouldn’t take anyone else’s judgements to heart.

As she so bluntly puts it-
“I don’t take anything personally anymore because there’s nothing special about your crazy when everyone everywhere is out of their fucking minds.”
😂

[Jonnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have never been to New York City. And I don't know whether reading this has intensified my curiosity for it, or whether it has put me off completely.

For example, Only in New York could you kneel over and die of malnutrition while your tote overflows with energy vodka, gluten-free cake pops, and $300 worth of hardcover art books.

Even though I was perfectly content in knowing that I would not relate to anything that was written here on a fundamental level, I still enjoyed it--and it was more how she wrote and less what she wrote. This is my definition of a great writer. However, this may have had a more substantial effect on let's say, someone who actually lives in New York, or someone who lives in Los Angeles. Not someone who lives on the other side of the world and considers cheap wine and her Kindle a date. These thoughtfully penned essays managed to keep my interest though; Mary Choi's writing is refreshing to say the least, and I found myself laughing and frowning in all the right places.

[Cas (Fia) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny, but not funny haha, funny sad

[Natalie S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I kept my expectations for these essays in check; writing about loving and hating and leaving New York is basically its own self-indulgent genre by now, and it's overdone. But these pieces were excellent. Mary H. K. Choi is hilarious and precise and sometimes exquisitely bitchy. If the essays were longer, I would read them all day.

[Jillian · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lately, I have been obsessed with Mary H.K. Choi's work. I read Emergency Contact and adored it, and I bought Permanent Record as soon as it came it (though I haven't read it yet). I was excited to see that Choi had an essay collection and that I could read it for free with my short-lived Kindle Unlimited. (I feel like I talk about Kindle Unlimited a lot. Is Amazon sponsoring? No? Shame, but also Jeff Bezos is a supervillain so I don't mind.)

Choi's distinct voice translates well to essay writing. I would read a longer collection from Choi. It's like reading the stories of a cooler, older friend who knows exactly how to get me to stay for one more glass of wine. Some of her essays dragged on (like the one about her dating someone who works at an airport), but others are insightful, well-constructed, and biting without being cynical. I particularly liked the ones where she discussed her Korean identity and how she decided to move to New York.

If you like Choi's fiction, I'd recommend this short essay collection.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Yet, I'd read a "real" well-edited book by her if she wrote one.

[michelle (travelingbooknerds) · Rating 5 out of 5]

All features no bugs in this personal essay collection from Mary H.K. Choi

I LOVE MARY HK CHOI’S VOICE SO MUCH

HER WRITING IS SO GOOOOOOOOOOD. it makes you laugh, cry, scream, and giggle. her audible singles feel like a best friend telling you stories during a homecoming reunion. this book is so tender and vulnerable and funny and chaotic and acerbic and just a fun time. i could listen to mary hk choi tell stories about her life for hours.

every essay is an incredibly funny, endearing ride that will no doubt bring some joy and some giggles to your day.

trigger warnings for eating disorders and bulimia for chapter 3, but wow did i feel seen as a recovering bulimic who has struggled with body dysmorphia her entire life, much of it rooted in family and environment growing up abroad in Tokyo until I was 18.

read for #koreadathon 2022

[Denise Lauron · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up because it was short and I was familiar with the author.

I didn't like this one as much as I have liked her other books. It seemed like one big brag wrapped into multiple essays.

I can't really recommend this book, but it wasn't boring. I just wasn't my style.

[Ren S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

(really like a 4.5)
Cynical, honest, sarcastic, and melancholy yet cathartic. I absolutely love Choi’s work.

[alyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

i definitely want to reread this so i can fully digest everything going on in the book

[Lasercats · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not what i expected or wanted

I'm not sure what drew me to read this from the blurb, but whatever it was, it wasn't satisfied. Sometimes self-aware bitterness and cynicism feels cathartic to read, and sometimes it drags you down deeper.

[Tiffany · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just don't think we would get along as people. The amount of times I rolled my eyes lol

[Peter · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's true, I'm obsessed.

I feel as if unseen forces act upon me causing me to be enthralled by this women's writing style. I must learn why I enjoy it so much 🤔

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Mary Choi's writing, and Oh, Never Mind was no exception. Written as a farewell to NYC, ONM feels like an intimate conversation over dinner in a dimly lit, tucked away little corner of a restaurant on the LES. Choi touches on how she needed to move to NYC to escape her toxic relationship with her body and her mother's influence on her – and how she ultimately needed to leave when the time was right. NYC healed her and helped her grow, but also kept her static. As she matured through her 20s, she learned what was truly important to her and learned to give less fucks about what others thought – all during her time in NY. As a native NY-er, it's hard to imagine ever wanting to say goodbye to my hometown forever; instead, it's always a see you later, a casual wave until the winking city lights on my next flight back welcome me home.

–––

Of course, my favorite quotes:
Oh, Never Mind

“I have fulfilled all the base layers of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and am at the tippy-top. Self-actualization feels incredible. It’s the feeling of being totally ordinary and completely OK with it.”

“Only in New York could you kneel over and die of malnutrition while your tote overflows with energy vodka, gluten-free cake pops, and $300 worth of hardcover art books.”

“To be consumed by an eating disorder is to live for a vision of the future that will never be as great as you hoped it would be. It also hobbles any chance of enjoying the present.”

“I wanted the release from my nightmare of losing and gaining the same eight pounds 10 trillion times.”

“Besides, this town reprioritizes you. It cures you of thinking that everyone sees you when they're looking at you. And if this scares you rather than sets you free, you should probably live somewhere else. Turns out, nobody gives a shit about what you look like unless you are so beautiful that it will ruin your life.“

“Here's what I'd tell my younger self: You become stronger as you get older, but you also become more forgetful. You stop cataloguing everyone's crimes against your self-esteem.”

“[…] whereas I spoke with the native proficiency of a third-grader who excelled only at lunch.”

“I am scowling, a moon face with a dense black bowlcut. Here’s a thing you should know about Koreans: we have a state of being, an ambient rage, or else an ineffable anguish that simply comes with being Korean. We call it Han. Some say it’s attributable to our having been invaded so many times and cite it as the culprit behind a high rate of suicides. My Han comes from my parents being jerks.”

“Every kid knows the best bonding happens when you and a friend stay up late enough to get loopy. […] I compensated by always having candy, and later cigarettes, to share. But bribery only made for superficial cronies.”

"Whenever I've entered a room where everyone is white, I feel suspicious. I never feel particularly in danger or anything, I'm just convinced I'll have a lousy time. The thing is, the white people I've polled in all-white rooms never even notice."

“Turns out, institutional urgency isn’t real. And your boss’s boss is just some dude going through a divorce.”

[Ioana Lily Balas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mary H.K. Choi has my heart. She writes in a way where I just get her, we're on the same wavelength. I like her ideas, I understand her thoughts, and I empathise with her insecurities. And 'Oh, Never Mind' is a collection of autobiographical essays on several topics: relationships with parents, the connection with the location you live in, the relevance of work on your authenticity and eating disorders. Similar to 'Yolk', it's outspoken and potentially triggering if you're sensitive to any of these topics.

I had to cackle that this is a Kindle Unlimited exclusive... I had to dig out my Kindle and get on the free subscription for x months because it was the only way I could access this book. Such a shame, and sadly it did feel a bit rushed and done on commission, even though still charming and witty. It's more so that Choi's input remains limited to a level of superficiality.

For example, the common thread running through each of the essays was that she's decided to move to Los Angeles after 12 years in New York City. There's a couple of sentences about self-importance, but other than that, her reasoning seems circumstantial at best, maybe starting over on a clean slate. As much as I appreciate Choi's voice, and even how it comes through here, I want more. More content, more context, more insight - it feels so insubstantial and yet I'll take every nugget of how her brain works.

[Lauren Shawcross · Rating 2 out of 5]

it feels a little mean-spirited to call a collection of personal essays "derivative" since they are, as the form suggests, based in the personal. paradoxically, the personal is what felt lacking in choi's collection about loving and leaving new york. (new york? how original! how unique! boy, this city sure does chew you up and spit you out, but it teaches you lessons, man! haven't we tread this road enough times?) choi is a technically skilled writer and there are several witty and incisive lines here, but the prose on a formal level is not enough to surmount the frankly tired subject matter. most unfortunately, there is a lack of any substantive introspection or heart re: choi's relationships with other people or herself. she comes close a few times, offhandedly mentioning her rocky relationship with her brother, a boyfriend she somewhat meanly uses to pass the time, or her relationship to her asian heritage and community, but it never feels more than skin-deep. choi comes across as insulated and isolated, approaching the subject matter of her own life with detached, sardonic bemusement. and, really, what could be more new york than that?

[Linda · Rating 2 out of 5]

I like her use of language, and I felt she expressed insight into her own motivations and experiences. Overall I enjoyed listening to her tell stories. On the other hand, I was also, overall, really bothered by her sense of false humility. Lots of humble bragging. And also, she attempted some racial commentary about being Asian and her comments about white people were tone deaf and certainly unkind. I tried to really parse what I was feeling and if I substituted any other race my answer would have been, yup, racist. I'd like to give her the benefit of the doubt and say that her editor is at fault for not calling her on it. But if her editor did try to explain to her what was off-putting about the passage, that means the author fought to keep it. And that's what made me decide I wouldn't read her other books, despite enjoying her writing style and vocabulary.

[Byron · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was free on Prime Reading, and it came with free Audible narration. I read about two-thirds of it sitting around in a waiting room, and I listened to the rest of it later at home. It's a pretty good deal if you already got Prime, given that Audible costs more than the mortgage on my house in a shanty town.

A collection of essays about moving to California from New York and the author's feelz, there's nothing in this you truly need to know, but it's pretty well written for what it is, and I imagine some of the inside baseball discussion of media careers and the lifestyle of someone in that industry might interest people who are either in or (god forbid) aspire to be in that field.

[guadalupe · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started reading this, I rolled my eyes thinking this was going to be about a person that fancied themselves a New Yorker despite moving here in their 20s with a suitcase and a dream (I'm one of those assholes that thinks you either have to be born here or have devoted multiple decades to this stupid city to consider yourself a true New Yorker). Despite how short it is, I went on a real trip reading this book -- from thinking the author was a little too unlikeable, to appreciating her candor about her flaws, to relating to some immigrant kid feelings, to coming around to liking and appreciating her simultaneously realistic & romanticized understanding of NYC.

[Amethyst · Rating 4 out of 5]

Choi has such a distinct writing voice. I really enjoyed Yolk and was glad Oh, Never Mind (2014) popped up in my recommended list on Audible. It was interesting to compare the two and see her growth. These short essays use humor and wit to detail her former eating disorder, dating life, being a child of Korean immigrants, coming of age in San Antonio, and being a writer in New York. Her personal life certainly informs her fictional writing, and I look forward to reading more from her.

[Bri · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny at Times

Author Mary H.K Choi reflects on her time spent in NYC as a struggling and ambitious twenty something as she prepares for a move to LA. The book is a handful of essays about the highs and lows in her life that have all contributed to this transition. Many of he anecdotes are amusing and fun but at times the writing style comes across as forced in an attempt to be funny or cool. Not a bad way to pass 45 minutes if you’re looking for a quick read.

[Alannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

The ultimate essayist. Her writing on her mom is singular and relatable, and her descriptions of color and texture fuckin kill me, whether it's that crazy expensive coat or the suit she wore to her first job in NYC. I read this collection over and over during the in-between when I just want comfort food. It's nourishing as shit.

[gigi · Rating 4 out of 5]

god, choi is so funny and sharp. this is the kind of read that’s over before you know it. also, reading this little insight into choi’s life after reading two of her novels really contextualizes the kinds of characters she decides to bring to life and how she decides to tell their stories.

tl;dr: i love this woman

[Elora · Rating 5 out of 5]

Maybe I should move to New York

“My governing principle isn’t to acquire things or get rich or be known, it’s to first do no harm. When you’re being buried alive in other people, it takes real work to be kind. Being kind is how you get happy. Being happy is how you make work that’s worth it. If you can only make valuable work when you’re sad, do something else.”

[Margret Martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cute, witty

Very quick read by a very clever author about her life growing up in an Asian household in TX, her move to NYC, and ultimately move to CA. This is not my favorite genre, hence the rating, but overall very cute read.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Choi, but I think I would’ve liked this better when it first came out. It feels a bit dated and of its time, but you can see her characteristic sharpness that her other writing has as well. Still glad I read it.

[Emilie Vangilder]

Hilarious essays leading up to leaving NYC. As a topic, way overdone. But Choi definitely has a way with words that makes her seem razor sharp and whip smart in a downtown kind of way. I am interested to read something else she has written.