Terry:: My Daughter's Life-and-Death Struggle with Alcoholism

by George S. McGovern

NATIONAL BESTSELLER  • “Raw and riveting . . . A compassionate reminder that every alcoholic was once somebody’s baby.”— USA Today

Just before Christmas 1994 Terry McGovern was found frozen to death in a snowbank in Madison, Wisconsin, where she had stumbled out of a bar and fallen asleep in the cold. Just forty-five years old, she had been an alcoholic most of her life. Now, in this harrowing and intimate reminiscence, her father, former Senator George McGovern, examines her diaries, interviews her friends and doctors, sifts through medical records, and searches for the lovely but fragile young woman who had waged a desperate, lifelong battle with her illness.

What emerges is the portrait of a woman who was loved by everyone but herself. Surrounded by devoted parents, caring siblings, and two young daughters of her own, Terry maintained an appearance of control but was haunted by the twin demons of alcohol and depression. Her story is a heartbreaking tale of her attempts at sobriety, the McGovern family’s efforts to help her—and the failure of both. With courage and compassion, George McGovern addresses a private tragedy with an honesty rarely achieved by a public figure, looking candidly at his inability to save his child. A primer for other families who live with addiction, McGovern’s book is filled with wisdom and an understanding that can come only from sharing his tremendous loss with others.

Praise for Terry

“Harrowing, riveting . . . A family drama of love and loss.” — The New York Times Book Review

“An agonized cry from the heart . . . McGovern’s abiding love for his daughter, and his anguish at the thought of failing her, scorch these pages.” — Newsweek

“Haunting . . . speaks for all families engaged in the private struggles of addiction.” — Washington Post

“The loving chronicle of a daughter who lost her life and a father who could not keep her alive . . . a simple, moving story that would touch the heart of any parent.” — Houston Chronicle

Genres: Addiction, Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Biography Memoir, Mental Health

208 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1996

About the author

The son of a Methodist minister, George Stanley McGovern grew up in South Dakota. An indifferent student as a youth, McGovern later credited participation in high school debate with giving him confidence and he graduated in the top 10% of his high school class. His college education was interrupted by World War II, as McGovern enlisted in the U.S. Army Air Force and served as a bomber pilot in Europe. After the war, McGovern resumed his studies, culminating in a Ph.D. in history from Northwestern University in 1953.

While employed as a professor of history and political science at Dakota Wesleyan University, McGovern became involved in Democratic Party politics. After working to build a voter list for the party, McGovern ran for the House of Representatives in 1956, successfully defeating the Republican incumbent. McGovern relinquished his House seat in 1960 to run for the Senate, only to be defeated by the incumbent Republican senator, Karl Mundt. After a brief period in the Kennedy administration, McGovern ran for the United States Senate succeeded in his second attempt in 1962, winning election by a slim margin.

As a United States Senator, McGovern emerged as an early opponent of his country's intervention in South Vietnam. Approached by opponents of President Lyndon Johnson within the party, he was an unsuccessful candidate for the party's presidential nomination in 1968. Running again in 1972, he succeeded in winning the Democratic Party presidential nomination, only to be defeated by Republican President Richard Nixon in a landslide. Though he won a third Senate term in 1974, he was defeated in his bid for a fourth term in 1980. McGovern spent his later years engaged in a variety of private activities, including writing, and a stint as a United States ambassador to the United Nations.

Reviews

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is truly a wonderfully written book, yet it is one of the saddest books I've ever read. I didn't know much about George McGovern before reading this book (being extremely politically conservative and a staunch Republican myself I've never had the desire to read anything about him or by him) so liking this book so much took me by surprise. It's very well written, of course; but what really surprised me is how Senator McGovern pulled no punches in telling the story of how his beloved daughter Terry tried again and again to stop drinking for good...but always returned to the bottle whether it was hours, days, weeks, months or even years since her last drink. This book tells Terry's story so intimatley that the reader feels almost as if she helped her dad write it...and in a way, I guess she did. This is probably the best book ever written on what it feels like to watch a loved one slowly kill themselves through addiction, trying to save them and ultimately knowing that you simply can't save someone that can't save themselves. Heartbreaking.

[Debbie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am sure that it is hard being a politician's child. You're forced into campaigning and projecting an image whether you want to or not. I have always liked George McGovern. He seemed like a compassionate guy. I'm sure he believes he did everything he could to help his daughter overcome her alcoholism. I also feel he probably worked harder to further his political career than he did to take care of his depressive wife and alcoholic son and daughter. McGovern seems defensive when he dismisses Terry's journal entries where she reveals a painful childhood. No where in the book does he address how his wife's depression might have affected the children. He wants to believe that two of his children became alcoholics only because of genetics. I suspect that there is more to Terry's story than McGovern was willing to face.

[fpk · Rating 2 out of 5]

I picked this book up at a library sale. I just might donate it back. The title suggests that the book is about McGovern's daughter Terry, but I couldn't help but notice how many times political campaigns entered in. And name dropping. It became irritating pretty quick. As well as McGovern's many parenthetical phrases to turn the focus on himself. ("in the primaries, all of which I won." ) McGovern's tone was defensive throughout the book: he repeatedly emphasized how the disease of alcoholism is genetic, how it has little to do with emotional upsets in childhood-the depression, chaos and self destruction therein is explained by the alcoholism itself. Cart before the horse, in my opinion. Somehow, McGovern convinces himself that his and Eleanor's upbringing had little or nothing to do with his daughter Terry's problems. The former senator and his wife quickly ushered Terry, pregnant and at the tender age of 15, out of state to have an illegal abortion. But, heck, no this didn't have anything to do with her later self destructive behaviors. His many many days, months, years, on the campaign and lecture circuit also didn't have anything to do with it. He virtually ignored his wife's postpartum depression as well, expecting her to bear the brunt of raising five children, even having her drive them cross country, while he finished up a press conference. Five young kids! I found his arguments faulty, his reasoning inconsistent, his lack of insight appalling and his whole tone arrogant and self serving. I wish someone else had written this book. A journalist who would have interviewed more people, someone who would not have discounted Terry's own entries from her diaries "Terry exaggerated her sister's jealousies." I felt so bad for Terry. She got a raw deal. Even after her tragic death.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this to be an excellent account of a tragic situation. The extensive use of Terry's journals, and so her voice, add the element of having a person who ultimately died from alcoholism tell us what that is like. The author's research and commentary on alcoholism and treatment for alcoholism are also excellent.

I've read reviews that criticize George McGovern's attempts to explain alcoholism and offer suggestions for treatment based on the fact that another of his children went on to die of the disease. I don't find that this takes away from his attempts. Alcoholism remains tragically difficult to understand, to treat and to recover from, and no book by an anguished father is going to change that.

The book is interesting and entertaining as much a book about a true tragedy can be. I know it has already helped many people see a problem in themselves or loved-ones, seek treatment and achieve the recovery that eluded Terry.

[Neil Mudde · Rating 4 out of 5]

George McGovern wrote a very touching book, as a Father of a Daughter Terry who was is an alcoholic.According to "the Big Book" published by AA, Alcoholism is a cunning and baffling disease even though the body cannot tolerate it, yet it craves alcohol. Addicts will get their fix no matter how, or care whom they hurt, it is a very selfish disease. It is an extremely sad story, of a sad life,about a person who did not want for anything, written by a Father who is searching for answers,and how much responsibility should he accept for this wasted life of a Daughter he dearly loved. I believe he could write until all paper supplies ran out. He nor his Wife or Family are not responsible for what happened to Terry.
Perhaps one day there will be a miracle non additictive medicine, right now I believe that total abstinence from alcohol as AA suggests is the only route to go. It is good to see that by writing the book Senator McGovern experienced some healing. Setting up a foundation specifically geared to alcoholism and the problem of relapses, for those who earnestly try to stay sober, is to be applauded.

[Colette Guerin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very sad. Written by a man in great pain. Spent 30 years being a codependent to his child's disease and still blames himself. I give him credit for writing an open raw book. He still sees his daughter as what she was before or what she could have been. She was not the loving mother or wonderful daughter or great friend. She was an alcoholic, probably severely depressed who self medicated but abused her daughters while drinking and placed them in dangerous situations. She blamed her family for all her problems and took no accountability and used her friends as way stations until they could no longer put up with her antics. The alcoholic will always tell you what you want to hear, maybe believing it themselves, but will continue down their path of not just self-destruction but mutual-destruction to all those who have ever cared about them for in the end they are vey self-involved people. Their low is always their low, you will find it has no part of the havoc it caused in the lives they touched. This book hit a little to close too home.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written twenty years ago, this book offers us still, today, an honest,eye-opening account of a disease that will not disappear: alcoholism. Combined with a genetic disposition toward depression, alcoholism can be, and often is, a lethal combination. George McGovern's memoir about his daughter Theresa and her problems with both depression and alcoholism is a heart-breaking expose of what can happen when you have either one or the other or both of these problems. At the same time, though, it is not a maudlin account of what happened and how it could have been different but rather an honest, heartfelt, hopeful piece of writing. I highly recommend this book.

[Ericka Andersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredibly heartbreaking but realistic portrait of addiction. I loved how he showed all sides of Terry and the unconditional, unending love of parents is apparent. A tough read, but honoring her life in doing so.

[TC · Rating 2 out of 5]

Senator McGovern makes the case that alcoholism is a genetic, medical disease that must be treated as such, rather than just through counseling as a symptom of psychological trauma. He presents this thesis through a meandering recollection of his daughter Terry's lifelong struggle with drinking, which eventually lead to her untimely death in 1994. His point is well taken as a family member who paid for countless outpatient and rehab treatments: he can state first-hand what seemed to work better than others. In particular, he believes the twelve-step program was most effective; and that most counterproductive was counseling that sought to root the drinking in childhood disappointments--as this merely led to more self-pity, and in turn, more drinking.

The recollections themselves are a combination of his own words, those of his daughter from her copious life journals, and those of friends and relatives from conversations and letters. McGovern writes like every other modern US politician I've read: rather clunkily. In this case, he overlaps timelines constantly, and repeats the same ideas and observations over and over. He could have made this a linear story of his daughter's unraveling; he chose instead to make it almost a random thread, that seems to only have meaning to him. This lessens the emotional impact of the book, for me.

He also throws in some memoir of his own political career, a tiny bit more than necessary to know the story of his daughter; but, he's obviously still passionate about his views. And, it is interesting to read. (One insight he provides is that the debacle involving Senator Eagleton was partly a result of Terry's own struggle with depression--he didn't want to dump his running mate due to his mental health issues, because he was especially sensitive to his daughter's condition; he obviously paid a very steep political price for that sensitivity.)

Despite the fact this story could have been told better, I do find his argument compelling about his beliefs on the proper treatment of alcoholism, and his observations about how little understood it is, despite an entire industry devoted to treating it. He doesn't make his case from medical authority, of course; but having watched a decades-long destruction of his child, he certainly can make the argument from his position as a family member who dearly wishes there had been a definitive answer.

In the end there is no real take-away from this, for me anyway; there's not much of a "well I'll make sure not to do that, then" as there are with other "family-of-addict" stories (such as the one by David Sheff). It really does appear, at least as the story is told here, that some people seem born to self-destruct, despite their gifts, the love and support they receive, and all the best that science currently has to offer. And that, like this book, is very frustrating, and very sad.

[Lisa Bertagnoli · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book is most effective when he reprints entries from Terry's diary and from the logs at her various treatment facilities. Four stars for writing and clarity but five for bravery: I would call this a must-read for anyone trying to understand the monster that is alcohol addiction.

[Wendy Seles Shelton · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fascinating story of a daughter's journey through alcoholism. Despite the gripping subject matter, I felt the book was written in a detached manner, lacking emotion.

[Tess Mertens-Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

30OCT20 – Terry
This book is about Terry McGovern, the daughter of Senator and 1974 presidential candidate George McGovern. Terry was part of a family of seven who as an adult, became an alcoholic which eventually took her life in 1993.
Written in 1996, Senator McGovern watches as his beautiful daughter falls into depression and substance abuse. Since 1996, alcoholism has been taken more of holistic approach to recover, as my oldest daughter has struggled with this.
The book chronicles her revolving door entrances and exits from detox and rehab. You see her parents, family and friend pray and hope she will find sobriety, which she did for eight years, only to fall hard back into it.
I understand the helplessness of a parent who can’t stop the syndrome. I have been in Al Anon for years which was never mentioned in this book. Al Anon has helped me understand the condition and found a support group. I don’t see the McGovern’s did this. Sad and needed book to discuss alcoholism.
Years later her brother Steve also passed due to alcoholism

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Painfully honest reckoning written by a father about his daughter's life. Teresa McGovern was an unusually compassionate young woman whose considerable promise was thwarted again and again by her alcohol addiction. The author, Senator George McGovern, is full of remorse about the mistakes he made with her revealed by hindsight. At the time Teresa first started using, alcoholism in women was little understood. Her demise and the impact on her children and other family is terribly sad. Through it all, McGovern's message is to love, care for, cherish your addicted child, or forever rue the moments that you turned away. Heartbreaking. I admire McGovern's willingness to open up himself for scrutiny. He does it for the benefit of us all, knowing, as he does, this disease's enormous cost.

[Barbara · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you have lost a child due to alcoholism, you will probably want to read this book. As for the writing, it was repetitious, and sometimes veered toward being an autobiography of the author rather of the tragic subject, Terry. That said, it can give you a good idea of the struggles an alcoholic and their families face.

Terry was like my dead son, an alcoholic so compromised by an inherited disease, that he was unable to stop drinking after multiple rehabs and attempts at sobriety. Like the McGoverns, we never gave up on him, but his alcoholism outwitted us all as it did for Terry.

This is a disease that kills more Americans than any other. What we need is money, research and the will to defeat it, despite the liquor lobby.

[catherine Lenz · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book Review

This book was heartbreaking, but also told with candid honesty. I am an alcoholic, this book was so very insightful and brutally honest. Alcoholism is a disease, we must address it as such with education and compassion.

[Mary Mayer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book really tells the story about a struggle with alcohol addiction. It must have been so heart breaking to the family and especially to the father, George McGovern, to write the story about his daughter.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love your kids unconditionally.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very powerful and sad book. As someone who has a family member that struggles with addiction, I found it very interesting and enlightening. Definitely worth the read.

[Jessica Conrad]

had to read it as part of summer reading in high school. hated the book

[Jen, Jenny, Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've had this on my list for several years, but given I also have this disease sometimes reading rough tales of alcoholism sans solution can mess with me. That said, the final 20 pages made it worthwhile. McGovern (yes, the political one) began the tale of his daughter's life with her death...in a sloshed stupor on Dec. 14, 1994, she fell into a Madison, Wisconsin, snowbank & froze to death. Reviewing her life, McGovern tells of the myriad treatments, the endless relapses, the harms done to self & others. Much of the book reaked of enabling, but in the last 20 pages McGovern dug into the solution that so many people have found. Recovery is hard & messy & painful & ugly...and what does it get you? A 24-hour reprieve. At one time in her life, Terry had 8 years of sobriety. McGovern shows what happens when we forget to do the daily things that got us sober in the first place.

#reedsreads #bookstagram #books #booklover #goodreads #alcoholism #addiction #friendsofbillw #sobriety #georgemcgovern #terrymcgovern

[Walt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gripping and poignant, I highly recommend this book if you want to learn more about the disease of alcoholism. A riveting read for those in recovery or struggling and a must read for families of alcoholics. How can such a beautiful person die alone in the snow? Because no alcoholic thinks it's going to happen to them when they take the first drink. Haunting and chilling, Terry is unforgettable.

[Laverne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a tragic story but George McGovern does as much as can be done to keep from making it a downer. As you read the story it is interesting that the people suffering this disease are no different than you and I except they cannot have a drink of alcohol. One of her sisters said "She has been spoken of as a cheeful person full of jokes and laughter. She was also known to be aggressive and biting." I know lots of people like that who do not need to drink??! She tried so hard, as I think lots of people with addiction issues try, to overcome them. It is hard to imagine what the family felt that she died as she did.

[Annie Carrott Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

George McGovern (who I voted for in my first presidential election) really bared his soul in this saddest of all stories. Nothing prepares you for the horrendous grip that alcohol (and other drugs of the time) had on this young woman - his daughter, Terry. He admits that mistakes that were made in her treatment - but really, I'm not sure anything could have helped. As they say, she was powerless. This was an interesting and compulsive read. Not only do we come to understand Terry, but also, her life intertwined with that of her Dad and his immersion into the politics of the day. Thanks, George. (He died in 2012)

[Lennie · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this book, Senator George McGovern discusses his daughter, Terry, who tragically died when she collapsed in the snow while drunk, fell asleep, and then froze to death. Terry struggled with alcohol and depression for most of her life and her father discusses how the family tried desperately to help her overcome her addiction. I enjoyed reading this book and it goes to show you that alcoholism can affect anyone (rich or poor, young or old, famous or not famous). I think people will be more educated about this disease after reading this story.

[manatee · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really emotional and difficult read. This book has some very important lessons to teach us about self-control, the nature of alcoholism, and relapse.

Althought Senator McGovern's style is stiff and formal, the pain of his experiences still come through.

You will have so much more sympathy for addicts after you read it.

It is a very moving biography about a really good person who just could not win the battle agains such a powerful adversary.

[Mily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is such a heartbreaker. From the first page you know that Terry McGovern died at the age of 45 after passing out drunk in a snowbank in Madison, WI.

This book is a very poignant account of a father's relationship with his alcoholic daughter.
The father is George McGovern (democratic senator and presidential candidate of years gone by). I thought he did a great job of articulating the family dynamics of alcoholism.

[Chris C · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a tough book to even think about. My 40 yr old sister has mental illness & substance abuse issues. My siblings and I get so frustrated with my parents for constantly rescuing her from every mess she gets herself into. This situation has destroyed our family. I remind my family about Terry McGovern's death in a snowbank and how guilty her father feels. This book is a must read for any family in this situation.

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

A tragic story. Started reading it in 1998, did not finish. Reread it again recently. Well written by her father, but again had to skim through the last 2 chapters. Too many sad, sordid details. The book could have more impact now without every detail at the end, but for those who knew her then it was probably needed.

[CAC · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gut-wrenching read. Seriously--almost put it down twice. Hard to read George McGovern recount detail after detail (many stories being the same sad tale in different settings) of his daughter's struggle with alcoholism. And hard to read him questioning himself again and again on how he handled (or failed to handle) the situation. Grim.

[Allison · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very touching story of a young woman who was in the grip of alcohol and could not set herself free. But the writing, alas, is not up to the standard of other recent memoirs such as those by Nic and David Sheff, Mary Karr, Andre Agassi, and others. Also, I thought there was a bit too much "Look what a great childhood we gave her" and not quite enough about the genetic propensity toward alcoholism.