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The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose
Finally, a no-holds-barred word on dating, preparing for marriage and maximizing singleness from someone who’s actually living it.
Your attitudes about marriage and the path to marriage are wrong. Some you’ve inherited, some you’ve simply bought—hook, line, and sinker—and some you’ve made up yourself. They have translated into bad action (or no action) in dating and relationships. But it’s not too late; you can break the cycle of dating dysfunction and learn to honor marriage, marry well, and live intentionally while you wait. Lisa Anderson proves it’s possible.
The Dating Manifesto is neither a cheesy formula for finding a spouse nor a feel-good book about how the person for you is “out there” if you only “believe.”Instead, it’s a challenge to wise up, own your junk, and chart a bold new course for your relationship future.
Your attitudes about marriage and the path to marriage are wrong. Some you’ve inherited, some you’ve simply bought—hook, line, and sinker—and some you’ve made up yourself. They have translated into bad action (or no action) in dating and relationships. But it’s not too late; you can break the cycle of dating dysfunction and learn to honor marriage, marry well, and live intentionally while you wait. Lisa Anderson proves it’s possible.
The Dating Manifesto is neither a cheesy formula for finding a spouse nor a feel-good book about how the person for you is “out there” if you only “believe.”Instead, it’s a challenge to wise up, own your junk, and chart a bold new course for your relationship future.
240 pages, Paperback
First published August 1, 2015
86 people are currently reading
565 people want to read
About the author
Lisa Anderson
1 book9 followersLisa Anderson is director of young adults for Focus on the Family and host of the popular weekly radio program and podcast The Boundless Show. Her writing is featured in newspapers, magazines, and at Boundless.org. Lisa is a frequent guest on radio and TV programs, and she speaks around the world about relationships, faith, and the many challenges facing today’s young adults. She lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 83 reviews
August 20, 2015
It's HILARIOUS: "So here I was at 30... I thought by that age I'd be married. I thought I'd be fulfilling some kind of rockin' calling with a hopelessly devoted, incredibly hot, and financially secure husband who happened to be ridiculously godly... I want a supermodel who writes Bible studies... You know what? Maturity is hot. Guys: Having and keeping a job? Hot. Respecting women? Hot. Fighting for those who can't fight for themselves? Superhot. Knowing and living out the Gospel? Megahot. Girls: Encouraging a friend? Hot. Loving the elderly? Hot. Being creative and serving joyfully? Way hot. Speaking truth and knowing when to keep our mouths shut? Uberhot. Friends, let's grow up... Ladies, no one wants to date crazy. It's neither cute nor fun. Stop it. Men, passivity is the ultimate in all-around lameness. Don't be that guy."
CONVICTING: "Folks, life does not begin at marriage... If you're not called to singleness, you're called to marriage. That should give you hope. Consider marriage. Start praying about it. Cultivate an active desire for it in your heart. Let others know you're open to it. Honor it, even as a single person... God has a plan for our future marriages, and it's not to fulfill all our dreams or a storybook ending. It's to work out His purposes and glorify Himself... She settled for scraps in hopes that she would someday be invited to the table... If He has marriage in your future, it will be to a guy who knows you're worth pursuing or a girl who sees your value as pursuer. If he's not scrambling to treat you with care, win your heart and claim you for his own, he doesn't deserve your special attention. if she brushes you off, wants to just be friends or ditches you on a whim, she doesn't deserve your unique protection and pursuit."
TRANSPARENT: "The stark reality is, I'm no one's most important person... It's one thing to believe God can do something in our lives; it's another thing to believe He actually will... I've learned I'm ok right where I am too. I'm not less, incomplete, forgotten, judge, or living a death sentence. I'm a redeemed, chosen child of God, and He's got good-no great-things planned for me as I choose to maximize the season I'm in, regardless of what the future holds... Guys, pay for the date. Every part of it, every time. Single women already suffer from feeling unworthy of being cared for. We're used to fending for ourselves. It's a wound we carry but rarely reveal. You have a great opportunity here to fulfill a protective role of sorts. Don't let it pass by..."
WISE: "In a culture that's becoming increasingly "meh" about marriage, I've become convinced that those who have marriages go the distance are often those who have prayed, prepared, and been proactive about their path to the altar.... The fact is, God is a big fan of marriage. Not only in general, but He's a big fan of your marriage, even if it hasn't happened yet. He modeled marriage after Himself. There is oneness there, a communion and perfection of complementary roles: communication, submission and fellowship... Dating is for determining the feasibility of a lifetime with another person, which is not done by ascertaining the kissing prowess of your partner... Your relationship with Christ is bigger and better than any of your other relationships. He's number one."
Definitely worth the kindle price. (I'm a total sucker for those "Amazon Kindle Deal" tweets.)
Also, I read this in two days.
CONVICTING: "Folks, life does not begin at marriage... If you're not called to singleness, you're called to marriage. That should give you hope. Consider marriage. Start praying about it. Cultivate an active desire for it in your heart. Let others know you're open to it. Honor it, even as a single person... God has a plan for our future marriages, and it's not to fulfill all our dreams or a storybook ending. It's to work out His purposes and glorify Himself... She settled for scraps in hopes that she would someday be invited to the table... If He has marriage in your future, it will be to a guy who knows you're worth pursuing or a girl who sees your value as pursuer. If he's not scrambling to treat you with care, win your heart and claim you for his own, he doesn't deserve your special attention. if she brushes you off, wants to just be friends or ditches you on a whim, she doesn't deserve your unique protection and pursuit."
TRANSPARENT: "The stark reality is, I'm no one's most important person... It's one thing to believe God can do something in our lives; it's another thing to believe He actually will... I've learned I'm ok right where I am too. I'm not less, incomplete, forgotten, judge, or living a death sentence. I'm a redeemed, chosen child of God, and He's got good-no great-things planned for me as I choose to maximize the season I'm in, regardless of what the future holds... Guys, pay for the date. Every part of it, every time. Single women already suffer from feeling unworthy of being cared for. We're used to fending for ourselves. It's a wound we carry but rarely reveal. You have a great opportunity here to fulfill a protective role of sorts. Don't let it pass by..."
WISE: "In a culture that's becoming increasingly "meh" about marriage, I've become convinced that those who have marriages go the distance are often those who have prayed, prepared, and been proactive about their path to the altar.... The fact is, God is a big fan of marriage. Not only in general, but He's a big fan of your marriage, even if it hasn't happened yet. He modeled marriage after Himself. There is oneness there, a communion and perfection of complementary roles: communication, submission and fellowship... Dating is for determining the feasibility of a lifetime with another person, which is not done by ascertaining the kissing prowess of your partner... Your relationship with Christ is bigger and better than any of your other relationships. He's number one."
Definitely worth the kindle price. (I'm a total sucker for those "Amazon Kindle Deal" tweets.)
Also, I read this in two days.
September 18, 2016
Probably a necessary antidote for the generation most damaged by the I Kissed Dating Goodbye evangelical subculture. Anderson calls out the passivity and confusion that can exist in Christian singles circles, and -- without naming names -- points to the dysfunctional side of how the courtship model can paralyze people into being unable to date healthily in order to just get to know another person. This perspective is all to the good, but the book overly relies on anecdata and is written from a very gender-essentialist standpoint ("Men like to pursue; guys should ALWAYS pay on dates or else women won't respect them" etc). Given that Anderson's message is that people should esteem marriage more and that one of her points was that women needed to stop cutting men down, the complementarian viewpoint and ensuing recurrence stereotypes ultimately detracted from her thesis. Also, there's a bit of Milennial-slagging (so entitled! so noncommittal! so juvenile! [um, so broke and in debt because previous generations destroyed the economy?]) and she comes dangerously close to blaming feminism for why she's not yet married/her sense of an overall lack of respect for marriage; I AM JUST NEVER HERE FOR THOSE TWO THINGS.
August 17, 2016
I have the sincere privilege of having worked with Lisa and her humor is just as strong in her writing as when she is sharing a story in person. This book challenges you to evaluate yourself and your dating patterns while laying out her own history to offer encouragement that you're not alone. The chapter on grief was easily the hardest chapter to read because I don't think we allow ourselves to grieve the end of a relationship; society tells us "you're better without them, move on," but when you've invested time into someone its natural to grieve the end of that relationship. I love that she calls both girls and guys out on the games they play and tells them to quit it and pursue relationships with kindness; even when letting someone down she encourages everyone to be kind - what a word of wisdom in our culture today.
You do not have to be single to enjoy this book and it is one I plan on buying for my friends for their birthdays and Christmas this year. I read it straight through on a flight this July and found myself laughing out loud at moments & feeling Lisa's pain in others. If you enjoy humorous writing and can handle tough truths about how we do relationships, this is a book you should read.
You do not have to be single to enjoy this book and it is one I plan on buying for my friends for their birthdays and Christmas this year. I read it straight through on a flight this July and found myself laughing out loud at moments & feeling Lisa's pain in others. If you enjoy humorous writing and can handle tough truths about how we do relationships, this is a book you should read.
November 26, 2017
This book is a must-read for Christians who care about dating and marriage (so... basically all Christians)—particularly Christian singles. While Anderson has much wisdom and advice which non-single readers can glean from this book, it has a more direct focus on singles.
Anderson's foundational assertion is that we need to "pray, prepare, and be proactive about our path to the alter" (pg. 36) and that no one is "too young" to start thinking about and preparing for marriage (pg. 50). She lays out why marriage is a good thing for us and should be honored (chap. 2). She goes on to break down many common beliefs we hold in our heads about who we should date/marry and what our relationships should be like, in order that w can correctly think about those issues (chap. 3-4). In chapter 5, Anderson discusses what it takes to be at optimal "spiritual, relational, and emotional health" for marriage.
She then focuses on what we can actually do to start dating in a healthy way and keep our relationships pure and holy (chap. 6-7). These chapters are full of great practical advice on the nitty-gritties of dating well. Anderson makes the statement that "Dating is not for meeting your physical and emotional needs. Dating is for determining the feasibility of a lifetime with another person" (pg. 130).
Chapter 8 is all about how to "get your numbers up" of potential people to date, including a section on how to use online-dating in a healthy way. Chapter 9 focuses on how it is okay to grieve that you are single, but that we must trust God. She says that "God knows what he's up to. He's still in control, but he's on his own timeline and business plan. He has no interest in being the proverbial puppet or vending machine... We think we know what's best for us, but we're no match for God's eternal wisdom" (pg. 170-171).
In chapter 10, Anderson talks about how, in our time of singleness, we need to "live a little" (pg. 177), but that we need to be preparing for marriage and the shift in responsibility that comes with it. She goes on to write, again, in chapter 11 that we need to trust God's sovereignty, stating "I pray boldly for whatever God wants. I don't know what that is; I just know that if it's what God wants, then I want it too... He's walked my whole story with me. He fully intends to walk with me to the end of it and into eternity" (pg. 199). The afterword of the book is written to "the church, parents, oldsters, and married peeps in general" (pg. 201) about how they can best support, encourage, and help the singles around them.
Anderson's foundational assertion is that we need to "pray, prepare, and be proactive about our path to the alter" (pg. 36) and that no one is "too young" to start thinking about and preparing for marriage (pg. 50). She lays out why marriage is a good thing for us and should be honored (chap. 2). She goes on to break down many common beliefs we hold in our heads about who we should date/marry and what our relationships should be like, in order that w can correctly think about those issues (chap. 3-4). In chapter 5, Anderson discusses what it takes to be at optimal "spiritual, relational, and emotional health" for marriage.
She then focuses on what we can actually do to start dating in a healthy way and keep our relationships pure and holy (chap. 6-7). These chapters are full of great practical advice on the nitty-gritties of dating well. Anderson makes the statement that "Dating is not for meeting your physical and emotional needs. Dating is for determining the feasibility of a lifetime with another person" (pg. 130).
Chapter 8 is all about how to "get your numbers up" of potential people to date, including a section on how to use online-dating in a healthy way. Chapter 9 focuses on how it is okay to grieve that you are single, but that we must trust God. She says that "God knows what he's up to. He's still in control, but he's on his own timeline and business plan. He has no interest in being the proverbial puppet or vending machine... We think we know what's best for us, but we're no match for God's eternal wisdom" (pg. 170-171).
In chapter 10, Anderson talks about how, in our time of singleness, we need to "live a little" (pg. 177), but that we need to be preparing for marriage and the shift in responsibility that comes with it. She goes on to write, again, in chapter 11 that we need to trust God's sovereignty, stating "I pray boldly for whatever God wants. I don't know what that is; I just know that if it's what God wants, then I want it too... He's walked my whole story with me. He fully intends to walk with me to the end of it and into eternity" (pg. 199). The afterword of the book is written to "the church, parents, oldsters, and married peeps in general" (pg. 201) about how they can best support, encourage, and help the singles around them.
August 7, 2015
I bought Lisa Anderson’s book “The Dating Manifesto” at the Pursuit conference last month after hearing her talk about it at the conference the previous year and on The Boundless Show. It was absolutely worth waiting for!
It was such an encouraging read, like talking with a wise friend over a cup of coffee. And if you’ve never met Lisa, reading this book will make you feel like you have! “The Dating Manifesto” is chock full of humorous anecdotes, as well as plenty of advice on what to do and what NOT to do in relationships if you want to honor God and marriage.
I encourage you to read this book, even if you’re not single. It will help you understand a growing section of the Christian culture (and pssst, Lisa writes something to you in the Afterword!) And if you’re a single Christian you definitely should.
One quote really stuck out in my mind, so I’m going to end my review by quoting Lisa: “It may not be the story you expected, but God never drops the ball. He’s never late, and He’s not capricious. Wait for your story to unfold, and do your part in crafting it.”
It was such an encouraging read, like talking with a wise friend over a cup of coffee. And if you’ve never met Lisa, reading this book will make you feel like you have! “The Dating Manifesto” is chock full of humorous anecdotes, as well as plenty of advice on what to do and what NOT to do in relationships if you want to honor God and marriage.
I encourage you to read this book, even if you’re not single. It will help you understand a growing section of the Christian culture (and pssst, Lisa writes something to you in the Afterword!) And if you’re a single Christian you definitely should.
One quote really stuck out in my mind, so I’m going to end my review by quoting Lisa: “It may not be the story you expected, but God never drops the ball. He’s never late, and He’s not capricious. Wait for your story to unfold, and do your part in crafting it.”
February 16, 2021
I think if you’re going to base this on Christianity, it should be put in the description. I finally said enough is enough when she brought up that having a career and any sort of debt, or traveling, is going to hamper your marriage abilities and qualities. No. Not interested in the misogyny.
July 15, 2015
You don't have to be single to benefit from this book. It is a solid God-honoring approach to singleness that would benefit anyone reading. And it is delivered so skillfully and smoothly (and humorously) by Lisa Anderson. My favorite quote, which shows her unique style: "Ladies, no one wants to date crazy. It's neither cute not fun. Stop it. Men, passivity is the ultimate in all-around lameness. Don't be that guy."
August 3, 2015
I don't usually leave reviews on books, but Lisa Anderson's clarity when it comes to discussing dating, relationships, and marriage deserves to be talked about. When she says drama-free in the subtitle, she means it. Speaking with the same forthrightness that she does each week on The Boundless Show, she lays out her story as she wisely guides singles through not just the practical steps but also the inside work each person should do in order to prepare for marriage. Lisa says that marriage is too important to be treated lightly, and to anticipate and prepare so it doesn't suddenly come upon you like the flu.
Her honesty resonates as she talks about 'no single riders' and how 'it's okay to grieve' your singleness. She's very clear about how culture has moved away from marriage, and the attitude towards it has gone from "rah-rah" to "meh" within the span of one-to-two generations. In a counter-cultural move, she talks about young people being intentional in moving towards marriage alongside career goals, instead of having it be a vague notion in the back of their minds as a status to be achieved when they're grown (e.g. successful in a career). While she does affirm singleness as a state that can be utilized well in working for the advancement of the gospel, she doesn't hesitate to state that the norm for the vast majority of adults is marriage, and that God Himself is not just a fan of the state of marriage, but of the marriage of each person He loves, whether it has happened yet or not.
Lisa also isn't hesitant in calling out the young people of the church on behavior that is the antithesis of what God's plan is - e.g. having sex before marriage, and I applaud her for not hesitating to put that in writing.
In a bonus afterward, she also lays out how the church, parents, older people and married couples can help the singles in their community move healthily towards marriage. As marriage was never intended to be carried out in secrecy, but in the full view of the community, I can't stress how important this afterword is with regard to the benefit it can provide.
Her honesty resonates as she talks about 'no single riders' and how 'it's okay to grieve' your singleness. She's very clear about how culture has moved away from marriage, and the attitude towards it has gone from "rah-rah" to "meh" within the span of one-to-two generations. In a counter-cultural move, she talks about young people being intentional in moving towards marriage alongside career goals, instead of having it be a vague notion in the back of their minds as a status to be achieved when they're grown (e.g. successful in a career). While she does affirm singleness as a state that can be utilized well in working for the advancement of the gospel, she doesn't hesitate to state that the norm for the vast majority of adults is marriage, and that God Himself is not just a fan of the state of marriage, but of the marriage of each person He loves, whether it has happened yet or not.
Lisa also isn't hesitant in calling out the young people of the church on behavior that is the antithesis of what God's plan is - e.g. having sex before marriage, and I applaud her for not hesitating to put that in writing.
In a bonus afterward, she also lays out how the church, parents, older people and married couples can help the singles in their community move healthily towards marriage. As marriage was never intended to be carried out in secrecy, but in the full view of the community, I can't stress how important this afterword is with regard to the benefit it can provide.
August 5, 2015
Lisa weaves hilarious stories into a wise and clear approach to dating and life for singles in a God-honoring way. She traces her early steps in the dating world (or lack thereof) in her 20’s and then her “try almost anything” approach in her 30’s and now her wisdom with a balanced and purposeful approach in her early 40’s. She also mentions our oftentimes-skewed view of relationships and marriage because of Hollywood and pop culture’s influence. Some of those ideas are dealt with specifically and then, in her direct way, she tells both guys and girls how to get back to reality. She has a chapter on grieving the losses of prolonged singleness, but also reminds us of the hope in God we have because He loves us and has good plans for us. Our lives are not on hold just because we are single, but a time for using the gifts God has given us to help others as we wait with that hope. The Afterward of the book is an important chapter on how friends, pastors, mentors, parents, and others can best help singles in dating and preparing for marriage.
This book is a wonderful combination of fun and insight and wisdom. It means so much to me because I am now in my early 40’s as well. Lisa perfectly says so many things I have felt for years but have not quite known how to communicate. I’m thankful for a book that I can confidently give to friends who are single and to help those who aren’t to better understand that world. I definitely give it 5 stars! : )
This book is a wonderful combination of fun and insight and wisdom. It means so much to me because I am now in my early 40’s as well. Lisa perfectly says so many things I have felt for years but have not quite known how to communicate. I’m thankful for a book that I can confidently give to friends who are single and to help those who aren’t to better understand that world. I definitely give it 5 stars! : )
August 3, 2015
I just finished reading Lisa Anderson’s new book “The Dating Manifesto.” From the first story she shares to the insightful discussion questions at the end of the book, you hear Lisa’s heart for this topic. It feels as if you are sitting with her having a conversation over coffee about what she has learned through her dating experiences, and advice she wants to share with you. If you are looking for encouragement on your dating journey (and maybe you have found yourself in this stage of life longer than you expected to be), then this is a great book to check out. For those who are trying online dating, Lisa includes practical tips to use, illustrated by some of her own online dating mishaps that had me laughing. Lisa also spends time in the last chapter speaking to churches and families with single adults about how you can best to support those who are single in your life. Definitely a great book to pick up!
August 4, 2015
The Dating Manifesto is a book I would recommend to all of my friends who have yet to be married. I would also recommend it for anyone who has a close single friend or family member. Lisa is witty and intelligent, and her writing is so relatable. She preaches Truth from the Scripture, shows her own vulnerability in wanting to be married, and is honest about the struggles and joys of being a single woman. She shares personal stories that could easily make you laugh (or cry) out loud, and I think that's one of the most valuable characteristics of a book. I'm always grateful to read genuine spirit-filled words from a genuine spirit-filled author, and The Dating Manifesto and Lisa Anderson are just that.
February 26, 2016
This was such an easy read! I love Lisa's straight-forward writing style and brutal honesty to singles and those who don't know what to do with singles. Singles are people too, and as one who was single for longer than I expected, it was refreshing to read about others who've been (or still are) in the same boat and thinking the same thoughts and having the same emotions, doubts, and fears. This book doesn't leave singles hopeless but gives tips, advice, and biblical approaches to following God's plan for your life - one step at a time. I repeat, all my single friends MUST read this book. The title was a little misleading as I thought it was more for dating couples, but the message is one geared more for single adults.
June 5, 2015
Lisa Anderson is the director of boundless.org, a ministry aimed at helping 20- and 30-somethings grow in their faith, date with purpose, and prepare for marriage and family. In The Dating Manifesto, Lisa focuses on these same goals. I absolutely loved reading this book because of Lisa's directness and use of examples to clarify her words. While reading, I took a look at my own life and realized that I need to make improvements. I highly recommend reading this book and perusing Boundless for its many resources.
A huge thank you to David C. Cook and NetGalley for an advanced reader's copy in exchange for my honest review.
A huge thank you to David C. Cook and NetGalley for an advanced reader's copy in exchange for my honest review.
October 30, 2018
This book could almost be called Christian Dating for Dummies. There's a lot of practical, common-sense suggestions on how to meet, date and start a relationship. And though I call it common-sense, some of us need to hear common-sense once in a while in this crazy, mixed-up world. In addition to the practical steps outlined in the book, there is also encouragement for the un-satisfied single and challenges to pursue marriage in a right-hearted manner.
This is probably one of the most practical, realistic Christian dating books I've ever read. I'd recommend it.
This is probably one of the most practical, realistic Christian dating books I've ever read. I'd recommend it.
July 26, 2015
My favorite book on dating I do believe. I expected to feel either very challenged or very encouraged, but feeling equally encouraged and challenged is a great surprise. My favorite quote from the book really convicted me. "If we treat marriage as something we're owed--- and not getting it on our terms and timeline makes us bitter, crazy, or all around ungrateful--we need a major heart check."
November 23, 2018
Bravo, Lisa Anderson! This is a must-read for Christians, no matter what stage of life you find yourself in. I particularly wish I could put this book into the hands of church leaders and older, married couples throughout the evangelical world today. And of course, singles. Lisa Anderson is practical, hilarious, relatable, and loves Jesus and His Word. It’s clear she wants others to love Jesus too and to love Him as they consider marriage. She discusses the pitfalls and challenges that come with pursuing marriage in the modern age, how singles can practically work through those difficulties, what singles need from the church and their married friends, and much more. I felt like Lisa was sitting right next to me having a conversation, and I had confidence that she “gets it.” She’s in her forties and single, and shares her own story with transparency and love. She wholeheartedly rejects cynicism and is determined to speak highly of marriage and actively pursue it while still making the most of the present. I highly recommend this book!
May 4, 2025
Audio booked on Spotify.
Had some key good takeaways appreciated it!
Had some key good takeaways appreciated it!
April 11, 2018
What did I just read? Seriously, I have no idea what this woman's stance is on anything. First she talks about a generation that seemingly does not want to get married, (which has not at all been my experience). Then she attacks the women who do want to get married for not being available enough.
"I'm amazed at the number of women who tell me their number-one goal in life is to be a wife and mother, but they're out there earning advanced degrees, working long hours in an office, or bouncing around the globe from adventure to adventure."
Well, excuse me for not wanting to spend my life pining away for Prince Charming. Yeah, I can desire marriage and motherhood, but there's only so much I can do about that, Lisa. I'm sorry I have to live in the process of waiting.
My favorite part was where she told me I'm not giving guys a fair chance... right on the tail end of telling me she was spontaneously asked out by some charming guy in Walmart and she turned him down! Double standard much? Like, dang, that boy was smooth and I totally would have let him take me to dinner.
I felt like some of the language in this book was meant to be shared as "tough love," but come off more offensive than anything else. (Like, do you really love young adults or are you just another millennial hater?)
And like I said, I'm not sure what the author intends for me to do with her 200 page rant. Her ideals don't make space for a rapidly evolving culture where the world is accessible at the push of a button. I'm sorry, Miss Anderson, but we're not in Mayberry anymore. Gone are the days where you grow up, get married, and tend the farm. We want much more than this provincial life. We don't need to be implored to return to the era of our grandparents; we need practical advice on how marriage should evolve to suit the needs of this generation.
"I'm amazed at the number of women who tell me their number-one goal in life is to be a wife and mother, but they're out there earning advanced degrees, working long hours in an office, or bouncing around the globe from adventure to adventure."
Well, excuse me for not wanting to spend my life pining away for Prince Charming. Yeah, I can desire marriage and motherhood, but there's only so much I can do about that, Lisa. I'm sorry I have to live in the process of waiting.
My favorite part was where she told me I'm not giving guys a fair chance... right on the tail end of telling me she was spontaneously asked out by some charming guy in Walmart and she turned him down! Double standard much? Like, dang, that boy was smooth and I totally would have let him take me to dinner.
I felt like some of the language in this book was meant to be shared as "tough love," but come off more offensive than anything else. (Like, do you really love young adults or are you just another millennial hater?)
And like I said, I'm not sure what the author intends for me to do with her 200 page rant. Her ideals don't make space for a rapidly evolving culture where the world is accessible at the push of a button. I'm sorry, Miss Anderson, but we're not in Mayberry anymore. Gone are the days where you grow up, get married, and tend the farm. We want much more than this provincial life. We don't need to be implored to return to the era of our grandparents; we need practical advice on how marriage should evolve to suit the needs of this generation.
August 16, 2015
"The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose" is a book I highly recommend.
I first learned about the author from her involvement in the Boundless show. I've enjoyed her wisdom, Godly perspective, and sense of humor, so when I heard she was writing a book, I was excited to read it. And I wasn't disappointed! There are a lot of dating/relationships books out there, and I feel like I've read most of them. There are so many different opinions on this subject, from people telling you to go the super-conservative courtship route, to the date-without-discretion method. The Dating Manifesto strikes a good balance.
The Dating Manifesto is full of solid, practical dating (and life) advice. It talks about what's wonderful about being single, while still encouraging people to esteem and plan for marriage if they believe that is meant for them. This book tells it straight, to both guys and girls, telling them they need to get involved in a Christian community, and also addresses issues that often arise with singles. It also has practical "tips and tricks" and some of the "how-to"s of dating. The advice in this book has without doubt helped me in the way I view and handle relationships. It's encouraging and absolutely hilarious (at least to my sense of humor) and something I can wholeheartedly recommend.
(In the spirit of full disclosure, I want to make sure I mention that I will be receiving a copy of the book for writing this review. But, I was planning to buy the book already anyway, and I liked the book so much I bought two copies with my own money to give away to friends. And I truly do believe it deserves a 5-star rating.)
I first learned about the author from her involvement in the Boundless show. I've enjoyed her wisdom, Godly perspective, and sense of humor, so when I heard she was writing a book, I was excited to read it. And I wasn't disappointed! There are a lot of dating/relationships books out there, and I feel like I've read most of them. There are so many different opinions on this subject, from people telling you to go the super-conservative courtship route, to the date-without-discretion method. The Dating Manifesto strikes a good balance.
The Dating Manifesto is full of solid, practical dating (and life) advice. It talks about what's wonderful about being single, while still encouraging people to esteem and plan for marriage if they believe that is meant for them. This book tells it straight, to both guys and girls, telling them they need to get involved in a Christian community, and also addresses issues that often arise with singles. It also has practical "tips and tricks" and some of the "how-to"s of dating. The advice in this book has without doubt helped me in the way I view and handle relationships. It's encouraging and absolutely hilarious (at least to my sense of humor) and something I can wholeheartedly recommend.
(In the spirit of full disclosure, I want to make sure I mention that I will be receiving a copy of the book for writing this review. But, I was planning to buy the book already anyway, and I liked the book so much I bought two copies with my own money to give away to friends. And I truly do believe it deserves a 5-star rating.)
July 23, 2018
Quite good book on how it is for singles and what to do with it.
The authoress is very honest with her feelings, troubles and fears and I find it very refreshing and relatable. I am sure that many singles will find a trusted sister in Christ in Lisa Anderson, she has her heart on her sleeves here, accompanied by her goodwill and the dedication to help here. And she is single lady in her early forties, so she knows A LOT about the subject, and is not shy to share.
While I can not relate to all of her views, I find a lot of them deeply refreshing, reassuring and giving hope - and hope is what a lot of the singles is missing, hope and the meaning of all of this.
She is also a straight shooter (which I like), and, as any true friend, she is not beating around the bush when there is the need to tell some hard truths (gently and from the position of speaking from her own experience).
I would love to read more about just living the state of singleness. Not in the hopes and preparations to marriage (the bookk tends to slightly emphasize this in my opinion - which is not bad, but not my preference), just being at the phase of life (however long will it take), experiencing it fully and maturing in love while being there.
I recommend the singles and their friends/family/fellow people to read this book, you can gain some valuable insights here.
But I also recommend to read more book on the subjects - the Catholic authoress Dorothy Cummings McLean wrote the wonderful book "The Closet's All Mine!" on this subject, and Mandy Hale is also lovely authoress to follow.
The authoress is very honest with her feelings, troubles and fears and I find it very refreshing and relatable. I am sure that many singles will find a trusted sister in Christ in Lisa Anderson, she has her heart on her sleeves here, accompanied by her goodwill and the dedication to help here. And she is single lady in her early forties, so she knows A LOT about the subject, and is not shy to share.
While I can not relate to all of her views, I find a lot of them deeply refreshing, reassuring and giving hope - and hope is what a lot of the singles is missing, hope and the meaning of all of this.
She is also a straight shooter (which I like), and, as any true friend, she is not beating around the bush when there is the need to tell some hard truths (gently and from the position of speaking from her own experience).
I would love to read more about just living the state of singleness. Not in the hopes and preparations to marriage (the bookk tends to slightly emphasize this in my opinion - which is not bad, but not my preference), just being at the phase of life (however long will it take), experiencing it fully and maturing in love while being there.
I recommend the singles and their friends/family/fellow people to read this book, you can gain some valuable insights here.
But I also recommend to read more book on the subjects - the Catholic authoress Dorothy Cummings McLean wrote the wonderful book "The Closet's All Mine!" on this subject, and Mandy Hale is also lovely authoress to follow.
August 9, 2015
Over the years (my single years) I read many books on being single and on being a Christian single. Most of them left me depressed. They usually gave trite advice amongst the usual advice to “pray about it”. Well, I didn’t need a book saying to pray about it – that was obvious. I wanted to know what to do while I was praying. This book does that. Any of you that have reached your 30’s or 40’s (or more) being single will find a camaraderie with this author. She tells it like it is – with humor and some tears. It isn’t a frothy book telling you to pray and God will miraculously bring a soon-to-be husband to your door. The advice she gives is sound and practical. The book reads like she is sitting down and talking with you. It is equally sound advice for both men and women. I like that she says tells the women to be practical – hey! why are you waiting for the handsome, tall, moody (Mr Darcy anyone?) when Bob over there – is okay looking, steady as you come, and feet planted firm (my words, not the authors). Andy you guys – why are you looking for a “10” when you’re maybe a “6” – I think that is in the book
The final chapter takes on the rest of us – the marrieds, the oldsters – the general church community. What are YOU doing to be involved in a single’s life?
I read it. I bought a copy for my daughter to read. I wish it had been around when I was younger and unmarried. I could have used this advice.
The final chapter takes on the rest of us – the marrieds, the oldsters – the general church community. What are YOU doing to be involved in a single’s life?
I read it. I bought a copy for my daughter to read. I wish it had been around when I was younger and unmarried. I could have used this advice.
August 8, 2015
3.5 stars (Good)! Lisa Anderson is a lively writer, and her anecdotes about the single life (and her mom) were as amusing as I remember from my days as her colleague at Focus on the Family. But I was dismayed that, after having zero contact with FOTF or its Boundless show for young singles in the more than 5 years since I left that organization, I didn't hear anything new in the pages of this book. It was basically a tidy repackaging of the same pro-marriage, intentional-dating content that FOTF and Boundless have been preaching for years. The target audience was also cause for confusion, at times clearly targeted to millennials and other just leaving adolescence behind, but drifting to older singles, then married couples, then empty nesters, then... you get the picture. Two things Anderson does bring to the table here are her age (a 43-year-old writing about still being single and waiting is a definite plus in a market saturated by much younger and inexperienced singletons), and a great post-script directed at the church about how to keep the singles in their midst from being marginalized.
May 2, 2019
Written by a writer for Boundless, Focus on the Family's website for young singles, this book tries to give advice about marriage and family life to young singles. I used to read Boundless when I was single, and found a lot of problems in its writers' attitudes. Recently, I looked at it again, and found it much improved. So, I was hoping that this book would provide good advice. The author does some good things. For example, she encourages young people to be more mature and take responsibility for themselves. However, I find that she is somewhat passive-aggressive. For example, saying that women shouldn't tell men what to do, but then going on and on for pages and pages about what young men are doing wrong. There are many other examples in the book. I think she is just too much in the mindset of men having to be leaders and women having to be followers, that she often misses many of the dynamics that young people face, and hence she can't really give very good advice to them.
February 24, 2016
Lisa gives practical relationship advice in a no-nonsense and engaging (laugh out loud hilarious in some places) way. She draws from personal experience so is well connected to the reader. She holds up the view of marriage, but also portrays singleness as a viable option. She challenges readers to deal with their personal issues before engaging in dating relationships. She encourages readers to come to relationships in and intentional way. As she is writing to an adult audience, she challenges readers to stop wasting their time in relationships with no direction.
If you listen to or read Boundless, a lot of the information covered in this book will sound familiar, but is presented well in this format. There is also a section at the end to help well meaning married friends and churches to assist singles in the journey toward marriage.
If you listen to or read Boundless, a lot of the information covered in this book will sound familiar, but is presented well in this format. There is also a section at the end to help well meaning married friends and churches to assist singles in the journey toward marriage.
August 9, 2015
If you date, plan to date, or know someone who dates, you need to buy this book.
This book outshines all other Christian books on dating (& I've read most of them). Lisa's personal stories of dating & desiring marriage into her 40's, practical advice for singles, Biblically grounded wisdom, & hard truths are interlaced with her quick wit & dry humor. If you're single, this is the only dating book you need. If you're married, buy it anyway, read the Afterward "A note to the Church, parents, oldsters, and married peeps in general," then pass it along to a single person.
This book outshines all other Christian books on dating (& I've read most of them). Lisa's personal stories of dating & desiring marriage into her 40's, practical advice for singles, Biblically grounded wisdom, & hard truths are interlaced with her quick wit & dry humor. If you're single, this is the only dating book you need. If you're married, buy it anyway, read the Afterward "A note to the Church, parents, oldsters, and married peeps in general," then pass it along to a single person.
August 5, 2015
Lisa Anderson's first book is a much needed corrective that addresses many of the dysfunctions afflicting the Christian singles scene, such as passivity, unrealistic pickiness, emotional and spiritual immaturity, and the tendency for married Christians to treat their single peers as inferior. I have no hesitation in recommending this book to any Christian single who wants to grow, and live with God given purpose and intent in their present circumstances.
August 30, 2015
Lisa has a way of mixing wisdom and humor that is so helpful and loveable. Her vulnerability about the true struggles of singleness is refreshing and relatable. Chapter 9 on "its ok to grieve" was worth the whole cost alone. It was so nice to read a book on singleness that didn't just give instructions but dug down to root issues and how to fix your eyes on the cross in the midst of them.
September 1, 2015
I read a lot of my own story throughout this book. Lisa's words have encouraged me in my singleness. This book helped remind me that God does have a plan for me and knows me--whatever comes my way, I am not alone! Lisa's sharp wit makes this an easy and enjoyable read. One that I'm sure I'll pick up again in the future!
December 12, 2024
After growing up in “purity culture,” I approached Lisa Anderson’s book, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan for Pursuing Marriage with Purpose, with caution. I’d grown accustomed to hearing the Christian message, "When you know, you know—so why wait?” Yet, as someone who has observed both the joys and struggles of relationships, I’ve often questioned why dating is so frequently discouraged or skipped altogether. How can a couple build a strong foundation for marriage without first navigating the dynamics of dating? Thankfully, Lisa Anderson shared these concerns and offered a refreshing perspective.
“God is not hampered by our stops, starts, failures, or limitations.” ~ Lisa Anderson
The Dating Manifesto is a balanced and thought-provoking take on dating from a Christian perspective. Without endorsing the extremes — casual, reckless dating or rigid, religious courtship — Lisa makes a compelling case for intentional dating being an essential part of building meaningful relationships. Her message is clear: dating is not a marriage proposal. It’s an opportunity to meet people, learn about them, and discern whether a deeper relationship might develop.
One of the most striking aspects of this book is Lisa’s willingness to challenge the “happily ever after” myth perpetuated by both Hollywood and Christian culture. The idea of a perfect “Mr. or Mrs. Right” is an unrealistic fantasy that often paralyzes us with unattainable standards. Instead, Lisa encourages singles to release the pressure surrounding dating and marriage and to focus on developing relationships with wisdom, accountability, and openness to God’s plan.
“Don’t let what you never experienced taint your understanding of what could be.” ~ Lisa Anderson
Lisa's relatable and humorous tone sets The Dating Manifesto apart from other dating books. Her personal stories bring authenticity and warmth to her advice. While I was initially skeptical about taking dating advice from someone who isn’t married, her honesty and self-awareness quickly won me over. She writes from experience and humility, using her missteps as cautionary tales to help young adults avoid the same pitfalls.
One of the book’s key takeaways is that dating is a process, not a promise. Lisa debunks the plotless narrative of a man meeting a woman, instantly realizing she’s “the one,” and getting married. That’s not reality, nor is it the foundation strong marriages require. Instead, she encourages Christians to embrace dating with a marriage mindset but also “fill in the manuscript”— building trust, compatibility, and shared purpose over time.
Lisa also challenges readers to let go of the toxic, unreachable expectations that Christian culture has often ingrained in our minds. Relationships don’t always unfold according to our idealized timelines, and that’s okay. Sometimes, God brings someone to walk alongside us for a lifetime, and other times, only for a season. Either way, Lisa reminds us not to miss what God has in store.
“The problem with waiting to get your life in order before considering marriage is that you really have no idea when your life will be in order, if ever.” ~ Lisa Anderson
The Dating Manifesto is an encouraging guide for Christians navigating the often confusing world of relationships. With humor, wisdom, practicality, and a Bible-centered view, Lisa Anderson invites singles to approach dating with courage, intentionality, and faith. This book will challenge your perspective on the journey toward marriage and push you to take risks, trust God, and live life fully — rather than dismissing dates simply because the person doesn’t meet every item on your list. If you’ve struggled with the pressures of Christian dating, The Dating Manifesto will be a breath of fresh air.
Click here to read more book reviews by Inspire Truth
“God is not hampered by our stops, starts, failures, or limitations.” ~ Lisa Anderson
The Dating Manifesto is a balanced and thought-provoking take on dating from a Christian perspective. Without endorsing the extremes — casual, reckless dating or rigid, religious courtship — Lisa makes a compelling case for intentional dating being an essential part of building meaningful relationships. Her message is clear: dating is not a marriage proposal. It’s an opportunity to meet people, learn about them, and discern whether a deeper relationship might develop.
One of the most striking aspects of this book is Lisa’s willingness to challenge the “happily ever after” myth perpetuated by both Hollywood and Christian culture. The idea of a perfect “Mr. or Mrs. Right” is an unrealistic fantasy that often paralyzes us with unattainable standards. Instead, Lisa encourages singles to release the pressure surrounding dating and marriage and to focus on developing relationships with wisdom, accountability, and openness to God’s plan.
“Don’t let what you never experienced taint your understanding of what could be.” ~ Lisa Anderson
Lisa's relatable and humorous tone sets The Dating Manifesto apart from other dating books. Her personal stories bring authenticity and warmth to her advice. While I was initially skeptical about taking dating advice from someone who isn’t married, her honesty and self-awareness quickly won me over. She writes from experience and humility, using her missteps as cautionary tales to help young adults avoid the same pitfalls.
One of the book’s key takeaways is that dating is a process, not a promise. Lisa debunks the plotless narrative of a man meeting a woman, instantly realizing she’s “the one,” and getting married. That’s not reality, nor is it the foundation strong marriages require. Instead, she encourages Christians to embrace dating with a marriage mindset but also “fill in the manuscript”— building trust, compatibility, and shared purpose over time.
Lisa also challenges readers to let go of the toxic, unreachable expectations that Christian culture has often ingrained in our minds. Relationships don’t always unfold according to our idealized timelines, and that’s okay. Sometimes, God brings someone to walk alongside us for a lifetime, and other times, only for a season. Either way, Lisa reminds us not to miss what God has in store.
“The problem with waiting to get your life in order before considering marriage is that you really have no idea when your life will be in order, if ever.” ~ Lisa Anderson
The Dating Manifesto is an encouraging guide for Christians navigating the often confusing world of relationships. With humor, wisdom, practicality, and a Bible-centered view, Lisa Anderson invites singles to approach dating with courage, intentionality, and faith. This book will challenge your perspective on the journey toward marriage and push you to take risks, trust God, and live life fully — rather than dismissing dates simply because the person doesn’t meet every item on your list. If you’ve struggled with the pressures of Christian dating, The Dating Manifesto will be a breath of fresh air.
Click here to read more book reviews by Inspire Truth
March 25, 2019
This book is great! Lisa Anderson, the host of Focus On the Family’s “Boundless” show for singles, has captured the essence of conversational writing—it’s casual and easy to read. I felt as if she was talking to me, the reader, the whole time and not just listing off a bunch of pro dating tips for the general populace.
That said, just because it’s easy-going, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t serious—far from it. A woman who wants to be married yet is currently in her forties doesn’t write a book about dating unless she’s serious. But rather than a moping trudge through the woes of her life or a “100 things I should’ve done differently” list, The Dating Manifesto is very practical, personal, and intelligent.
Over the course of a couple hundred pages, Lisa wholly encompasses the topic of dating. Why does it matter? What bad assumptions are we holding? What do I need to have in place before dating? How do I actually find a date? And lastly, how should I respond when things aren’t going according to my plans?
Dating matters because marriage matters. We live in a culture of hookups, cohabitation, and homosexuality. People don’t know what the point of marriage is, and it’s virtually impossible to arrive at a Christ-centered marriage with our current dating model at the wheel. Lisa is forward and a problem-solver. This is what’s wrong, here’s why, and here’s how to fix it. She’ll call you out, but you must decide whether to heed her advice or not.
This doesn’t capture the heart of all the book, but for me, I found this line incredibly poignant, “The pining guys, on the other hand, have built futures in their minds with their girls of choice. They’ve put everything into their dreams until the dreams are too big to risk. So they hang back, cling to the dreams, and do nothing.”
This is Lisa’s call to action. If you want to get married, do something about it! Don’t just sit around hoping for a bright future while downing Doritos in your parents’ basement. Cause you know what, it’s a risk. You may get hurt, and you may be disappointed. It’s okay to grieve. In the end though, God is sovereign over all. Your life doesn’t end after a breakup. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. Exercise wisdom and make sure you’ve prepared. Ultimately though, take a chance and see what happens.
That said, just because it’s easy-going, it doesn’t mean that she isn’t serious—far from it. A woman who wants to be married yet is currently in her forties doesn’t write a book about dating unless she’s serious. But rather than a moping trudge through the woes of her life or a “100 things I should’ve done differently” list, The Dating Manifesto is very practical, personal, and intelligent.
Over the course of a couple hundred pages, Lisa wholly encompasses the topic of dating. Why does it matter? What bad assumptions are we holding? What do I need to have in place before dating? How do I actually find a date? And lastly, how should I respond when things aren’t going according to my plans?
Dating matters because marriage matters. We live in a culture of hookups, cohabitation, and homosexuality. People don’t know what the point of marriage is, and it’s virtually impossible to arrive at a Christ-centered marriage with our current dating model at the wheel. Lisa is forward and a problem-solver. This is what’s wrong, here’s why, and here’s how to fix it. She’ll call you out, but you must decide whether to heed her advice or not.
This doesn’t capture the heart of all the book, but for me, I found this line incredibly poignant, “The pining guys, on the other hand, have built futures in their minds with their girls of choice. They’ve put everything into their dreams until the dreams are too big to risk. So they hang back, cling to the dreams, and do nothing.”
This is Lisa’s call to action. If you want to get married, do something about it! Don’t just sit around hoping for a bright future while downing Doritos in your parents’ basement. Cause you know what, it’s a risk. You may get hurt, and you may be disappointed. It’s okay to grieve. In the end though, God is sovereign over all. Your life doesn’t end after a breakup. God works all things together for the good of those who love Him. Exercise wisdom and make sure you’ve prepared. Ultimately though, take a chance and see what happens.
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