Who We Thought We Were

by Alex Hoeft

Josie Hicks is not a nice person. Her best friend, Adam, is. Why the pair clicks is a mystery even to them, and if there’s a bit of codependency going on by senior year at San Francisco State, well, Josie’ll just say no one asked you.

Then she lands an almost-too-good-to-be-true housing a luxurious room in an upscale neighborhood for an unbelievably low cost. If there’s a catch, Josie will happily stay ignorant. But her new address reopens a door Adam’s been trying to keep shut. Now, caught between a long-buried promise to his mother and the return of something he thought he’d left behind, Adam is forced to confront the only secret he’s ever kept from Josie. As Adam begins to pull away, Josie finds herself floundering without the one person she’s always relied on.

For the first time, the two find themselves on opposite sides of a divide neither knows how to cross.

Perfect for fans of messy, heartfelt friendships, emotional self-discovery, and the complicated ways love—platonic or otherwise—can shape us, Who We Thought We Were is a sharp, moving novel about finding yourself when the person who’s always been by your side isn’t there anymore.

Genres: Adult, Contemporary

293 pages, Paperback

Published May 27, 2025

About the author

Alex Hoeft is an award-winning news reporter covering the Lake Tahoe region in California and Nevada. She also is a fiction editor for Creation Magazine. Her short story fiction work has been published in numerous literary journals. When she's not writing for work or fun, she's wrangling her toddler or reading a book — or doing both at the same time.

Reviews

[kylie clark · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you tell me a novel explores friendship, queerness, and religious deconstruction, I will be running to read it.

I was quickly invested enough in these characters to root for their happiness and be frustrated by their mistakes, while being reminded how it felt to be so young and unsure. There’s a love interest whose sweetness and willingness to understand feels reminiscent of an Alice Oseman character. There are pieces of barbed dialogue that get to the heart of what it’s like when someone who loves you believes things that hurt you. Who We Thought We Were is a heartfelt Bildungsroman that I won’t forget anytime soon.

Thank you to the author (my very talented and creative friend! I’m not biased though) for the ARC!

[Skye Kilaen · Rating 1 out of 5]

As a queer reader, I found this novel about college students so distressing. (I understand other queer readers may have a different experience!)

Adam, the gay MC, has multiple people around him (bff, roommate, love interest, love interest's friends) but apparently not a single one (1) has ever heard of internalized homophobia, or (2) seems to have any awareness that conservative religious communities exist who yes absolutely will ostracize queer members, even family. The amount of blame and scolding Adam gets from every significant character, and the way the book repeatedly presents the solution as that he needs to grovel and then magically behave differently because he's been told to... honestly it bruised my heart.

He also has apparently never in his life done an internet search for "is it okay to be gay and Mormon" which might have led him to find some alternate viewpoints? He lives in a huge city and is a journalism major and seems to have no information about the LDS church except what his family tells him. And no one in his life who supposedly supports him ever suggests he go to therapy or reach out for other professional support?

The one person who comes into Adam's life who might possibly have a clue about how to help him navigate his deep, anguished conflict (his boss) is only barely present late in the book, and we don't even see Adam genuinely make the connection that will support him. It happens off-page.

I totally do get it that this book is supposed to be about the messiness of youth and intense friendships, but then don't give it such a rosy ending? I was especially uncomfortable that he and his on-again off-again boyfriend got back together and somehow the power of Adam being in love with him simply made everything work out. Because to me, that guy did not at *all* seem like a good partner for someone who is struggling with deep-seated intense religious guilt about physical intimacy. (He also seemed just as clueless as the non-queer characters about family rejection and internalized homophobia, which I found surprising.)

I wish I had not read this. :( It's a shame, because I really loved angry, spiky Josie and I thought her character arc was quite well done.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re looking for a book that will tear your heart apart, make you feel all of the feelings, then put your heart back together- look no further than Who We Thought We Were. You know a book is amazing when you are reading in public but have to set it down and cry for a bit. This may have happened to me (okay, multiple times). The author did a beautiful job exploring queerness intersecting with religion, conflict in friendship, navigating toxic family relationships, and choosing your true self. It was so gut-wrenching to be in Adam’s head as he grappled with the beautiful parts of his childhood and religion, but also the parts that hurt him. It was interesting to see how his friends weren’t interested in understanding his religious identity and experience, while his family weren’t interested in understanding his gay identity and experience. What do you do when everybody wants you to pick their side, rather than letting you chart out what’s best for you - especially as beliefs and priorities evolve over time?

I love that the book really explored how painful it is to lose someone you never thought you would, and the after effects of grief, regret, anger, loneliness, and hope. How do you move forward as your true self when that means losing some of the most important people in your life? How can you gain back the trust of a friend? What do you do when you realize another’s love is conditional on suppressing who you truly are? The exploration of these themes were beautifully done. I was so emotionally invested in the characters, especially Adam, and hope to see more content with them. The characters were the perfect amounts of realistic, making mistakes, and relatable. WWTWW got it right! I know I’ll be thinking about this book for the rest of my life.

[Leah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think I would have particularly loved this book as a teen or young adult, going through these kind of similar dramas and heartbreaks. As an adult, it gives me nostalgia, especially having grown up in the Bay Area. Alex does an amazing job at making her characters very human. Everything said felt real and familiar. Which brings me to my opinion that I really hated Ari. I’m not sure I was supposed to, but that’s the freedom and joy of art. I found Josie to be the most interesting and wanted more backstory on her and her mom. I do like how everything tied together in the end. Congratulations, Alex! Can’t wait to read your next one.

[Mint · Rating 5 out of 5]

I did not expect to get my heart dug into and broken in the span of an hour and that is exactly what this book will do to you. Five stars, no notes. Exactly what it says on the blurb and more. I feel like someone sat me in a chair and told me everything true I didn't want to hear then given me a hug and a mug of hot chocolate. You should read this but probably with a box of tissues and some time to stare at a wall and process the emotional rollercoaster this is.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Lala · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you wanted to write a book against queerness with religion included but disguise it as something else, you could've said that. I would NOT have read it, but you could've said it.

"Who we thought we were" yeah exactly, WHAT did I think y'all were?! No thank you, NetGalley, none. Dang I cannot believe myself.

[Brandi Davidson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I LOVE reading works by smaller/independent authors, especially when I get the chance to give them feedback on their work that it's evident that they poured their hearts and souls into. This contemporary piece was well written. As someone who is a similar age to the characters and also part of the LGBT community, I couldn't relate that much to either of them. As much as I loved reading about their inner-turmoil and how they were able to reconcile their relationship, I felt that I could not find either of their situations relatable at all, regardless of how much I understood their positions. I also wish that at some point Silas and Josie hooked up. There was tension there, and Josie is known to flirt with people, so the recipe was all there and left me wanting more. As a side note, there were some grammatical errors from not being edited properly. But other than that, it was a good quick read and would recommend to those who like authors that are just starting out!

[Rebecca Krantz · Rating 4 out of 5]

What a joy to read the published version of this story, after beta reading an earlier version. I love how Alex dug even deeper, finding the heart and guts of the characters, their stories, their relationships. So much beautiful and thought-provoking language, too. Here are a few of my favorite lines:

“She’s spent years refusing to look too closely at the mostly empty space around her, and her inability to stop the warmth in her chest over a parent-shaped presence is embarrassing.”

“It was a debate never settled, the largest thorn in their friendship’s side.”

“Friendships, he’s realized, die so much faster than they begin, like an ember doused in a lake, ignorant of a history of hard-earned trust.”

“Approaching someone you used to be inseparable from is underrated in terms of awkwardness, anxiety, and humility. Josie can’t say she’s a fan.”

“He’s facing her, curled up on his side, hands under the pillow; pretty as a picture, as depressing as a funeral.”

[Justine · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVE LOVE LOVE! I think this book depicted perfectly the college experience and how people of that age grow and learn about themselves through trial and error. I like that the characters were connected in a Love Actually sort of way. It was cool to see how one character's decisions affected everyone else in the story because of their intervening circles. The conclusion was so satisfying, as we were getting to the end I really didn't see a way out of Josie's mess that would lead to a happy ending (but clearly I am more evil than Josie is!). The story was creative and showed perspectives and struggles that I don't normally come across in my day to day readings. I can't wait to see more on the shelves from Hoeft!

I did read some reviews on Goodreads where people were annoyed by Adam’s internal gay shaming and self hate which I also thought was disheartening and a bit extensive while reading. But it is a story that takes place within the course of one school year and its about learning who you are vs “who we thought we were” so I cant fault Adam/the author for it.

[Aurora · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author of this book heavily favored one of the protagonists in terms of her sympathy, and it was quite obvious. I had hoped that the acknowledgements saying that Adam was easy to love and Josie wasn't wouldn't mean the author fell into the trap of treating flawed female characters as far worse than flawed male characters, but it unfortunately did.

I did genuinely think I might find Adam more sympathetic than Josie due to us both being gay, but that did not end up being the case for me. Adam becomes less flawed in the end and shows significant character development, but he was a difficult character to read about. It seemed like the other characters brushed off all of the unsympathetic choices he made because he was gay and that meant he gets to be selfish without much criticism. In comparison, Josie is constantly berated by all of the characters. Perhaps that's realistic for how women are treated, but it wasn't necessary in my opinion for a book categorized as literary, that intended to have characters who explored the human condition.

I also found it odd that for all of Josie's pressure of Adam and controlling behavior that was talked about as having occurred and consistently occurring (but never really shown in the book itself), she never mentioned anything about the sex abuse allegations against Joseph Smith. It would have been very in-character for her to mention them as an example of Mormonism's hypocrisy, but there's nothing. There really… isn't even that much pressure against Adam or against Mormonism?

I also find the framing of Josie's decision at the end of the book to be odd. It seems to be supposed to serve to make her more sympathetic, but all it really seems like is her giving in and acting against her nature as a stubborn character. It doesn't feel realistic that she'd do it, unless it was because she did it primarily for Adam, which isn't a good message to send to young women. Even if a female character isn't making choices that seriously change her career path and future because of a boy she's in love with, she's still making those choices because of a boy she loves, not because of what's best for her.

I also don't really know how I feel about the author promoting her plan to release additional short stories from the POVs of the main characters when a certain number of reviews are posted on Goodreads and Amazon in the book itself. I know indie authors need publicity, but it just seems kind of scammy. I guess the author does think everyone will like Adam more and anticipate content about him more, because his short story is the final one that will be posted, not Josie's.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Randi · Rating 5 out of 5]

*SPOILERS AHEAD* I freaking love this book!!!!!!!! From the cruel internalization of homophobia, to the heart ache of a friendship break up, to the long-lasting impact of mommy issues (the list could go on), Who We Thought We Were got it right. For example, Josie is one of the most unlikable female main characters ever, and yet, the author had me feeling a lot of empathy for her. Josie's chip (more like crater) on her shoulder makes her almost incapable of the acceptance and love that she desperately craves. She relies on Adam's dependency on her to feel wanted, but in turn can't allow herself to want others. She couldn't believe Silas would actually just want to be her friend with no ulterior motive. Throughout the entire book, I was begging Josie to let her guard down and just listen to what everyone else had to say. Her self righteousness was infuriating, and yet I just wanted to give her a hug. In terms of the intersection between Christianity and religion, I think the author nailed the two ends of the spectrum in Adam's family on one end and his friends on the other. Josie's, Jon's, and Ari's attitudes were decidedly progressively Gen-Z. They couldn't understand why Adam struggled so hard with his sexuality and reconciling it with his faith. Their admonishments of self-love and acceptance were wonderful and necessary, but they were also dismissive of the way Adam was raised and the real struggles that can come with intense indoctrination into a faith. I appreciated Adam's inability to explain it to them because I don't think he even had the language to describe what eternity means to him. It bugged me that Josie, Jon, and Ari didn't try harder to understand why Adam felt so conflicted, but I can respect that they just want Adam to have the life and love he deserves. I could go on and on with so many thoughts, but I will end with how I felt about the ending: perfect! Truly a realistic ending without all the wrapped prettily with a bow nonsense. There was no world in which Ramona and Josie were going to see eye-to-eye, so Josie moved out. Josie grew enough to recognize that publishing the story would cause more harm than good, so she swallowed her pride and wrote something else (but still sent the tip to the paper anyway). Silas and Josie never became an item and they may not have even patched up their friendship - who knows. I don't know, man, I could write about this forever!!! 5/5 stars

Thank you to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for a review.

[Sam Metcalfe · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to the author and BookSirens for the opportunity to read Who We Thought We Were. This is a beautifully written contemporary novel with strong emotional depth. While I personally found it a bit challenging to fully connect with the characters, perhaps due to differences in age or life experiences. I still appreciated the honesty and vulnerability the author brought to each of them.
Adam’s journey was particularly moving, and I was relieved to see him find his own version of happiness by the end. I also found myself hoping for a bit more romance between Josie and Silas, though their individual paths were still interesting to follow. Many of the characters face complicated family dynamics, which added emotional weight to the story, even if it wasn’t something I could personally relate to.
Overall, this is a thoughtful and well written story that will likely resonate deeply with readers who enjoy character-driven, emotionally rich contemporary fiction.

[Ellen Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a fan of novels about friendship, this book was right up my alley. I really adored Adam’s character in this book. Of course Josie is his opposite yet they’re close and a bit too codependent. Of course secrets from the past come up in this book and poor Adam is in a tough spot. Their friendship splinters and we see how they both have to learn who they are as people without each other. That is such a relatable thing in real life for all of us and I was caught up with emotions as the story unfolds. While there is drama, there is also a heartfelt storyline that we can all relate to and take lessons from.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Carter · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley and the publisher for an eARC of this novel.
3.5*

I finished this book a couple days ago and didn't know what to quite write because there was a lot of feelings that I had upon finishing this book. I enjoyed the story at its core, the struggle between belief and true feelings. Adam's story is one that many sadly face and can be extremely traumatic for many individuals. But the hardest part for me was the drama between Adam and Julie. I think it could have been fixed if they just sat down and talked. There was so much unnecessary fighting that it became annoying to me.

[Karyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Friendship, growth, identity.

The struggles of friendship, of family, of finding your feet. All covered brilliantly in “Who We Thought We Were”, centred at its core around the friendship between Josie and Adam in their final year of college. And the family and roommates who surround both of them.
How do you become an adult that’s true to yourself, how do you negotiate complexity?

This is a great read.

Thanks to Book Sirens and the publisher for the ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Alisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alex writes with such empathy for Adam's struggle to feel at home with who he is. Pair that with his best friend Josie's confidence (not just self-confidence, but confidence in what she thinks Adam should do), and you've got a fantastic read on friendship and what it means to overcome doubt and step into a new understanding of who you really are.

[A.K. Adler · Rating 4 out of 5]

While this deals with some heavy topics, it's still a light and easy read that I couldn't put down. The characters are flawed but engaging, and the plot forces them to confront those flaws in interesting and believable ways. These are people you'll root for.

[Susan OFlaherty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book! Messy, hilarious, moving. This author understands the complexities of new adult relationships. Highly recommend.