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Before You Tie the Knot: A Guide for Couples
Marriage is a natural developmental stage for most adults but the process of getting married and achieving a successful, long-lasting marriage can be fraught with challenges for Muslims in North America. The authors present a unique approach that reflects 40 years of combined experience in counseling couples. Mohamed Hag Magid is a prominent imam at one of the largest mosques in the US, and Salma Elkadi Abugideiri is a licensed mental health professional. The two provide an Islamic framework for the entire marriage process and present marriage as a partnership while underscoring the ingredients for successfully finding a spouse, as well as for establishing and maintaining a healthy marriage. This book is invaluable for anyone seeking marriage, as well as for parents who are involved in their children's marriage process. Those getting re-married after a divorce or death of a spouse will also find this book extremely useful. The authors raise thought-provoking questions to help readers increase self-awareness, clarify what is desired in a spouse and in a marriage, and help them get to know a potential spouse. Topics addressed in detail include finding a spouse, the role of family and in-laws, the marriage contract and wedding, intimacy, spirituality and finances. Special issues addressed include mental health, domestic violence and threats to a marriage. This marriage guide is surprisingly comprehensive and practical. It provides a tool kit with concrete skills that can be used throughout a marriage to ensure a healthy relationship that is grounded in the Islamic values of love and mercy-qualities that are necessary to achieve the ultimate purpose of marriage: mutual tranquility. This book promises to be a valuable resource that couples will turn to for many years both as a refresher and as a reference.
347 pages, Paperback
First published August 7, 2014
76 people are currently reading
848 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews
March 25, 2015
Its written predominantly for Muslims growing up and living in the West but the advice should be heed by all Muslims who are about to get married, parents and in laws. Since its written fairly recent, the author did a good job in recognizing the evolving role of women. Women today are not only expected to perform within the household but also at the work place and in the greater society. Women should recognize that expenses incurred as a result of her working (daycare expenses) should be shared by her. The advice given to couples to have open and honest communication regarding gender roles before getting married, are one of the things that sets this book apart from other pre-marital books. Some of the other advices may be obvious and repetitive but they’re good reminders nonetheless.
Fav quotes: Each one must fulfill their obligations before asking for their rights.
Moral obligations, which are pledges to Allah(swt), will be enforced by the laws of the Hereafter; other obligations can be enforced by the laws of this world.
People may be religious but still experience a kind of emptiness or void that is related to spirituality. The lack of spirituality is due to the lack of internalizing the religious activities.
Fav quotes: Each one must fulfill their obligations before asking for their rights.
Moral obligations, which are pledges to Allah(swt), will be enforced by the laws of the Hereafter; other obligations can be enforced by the laws of this world.
People may be religious but still experience a kind of emptiness or void that is related to spirituality. The lack of spirituality is due to the lack of internalizing the religious activities.
October 10, 2015
A campus chaplain recommended this book to me after I was asking for some advice on deciding about marrying someone. After seeing so many books about Islamic marriage that were extremely sexist, overly focused on fiqh or just not relevant to the situation of Muslims living in the U.S., I found this book really refreshing. The authors write for an American Muslim audience, and are sensitive to the diversity of situations that couples are in, such as converts and intercultural and interfaith marriages. The book is relevant for Muslims thinking about marriage, engaged or already married.
June 11, 2024
I find it pretty average , because the whole idea of issue that should be delt in marriage are so western.
That some time while reading this book i felt alinated . Nodoubt the questions in the book provide you a road map and a flow chart of question to be asked from your potiential spouse .
The refrence that has been used are good .
But overall the book was just fine.
That some time while reading this book i felt alinated . Nodoubt the questions in the book provide you a road map and a flow chart of question to be asked from your potiential spouse .
The refrence that has been used are good .
But overall the book was just fine.
January 1, 2024
Although the book is primarily for muslims residing in US, but due to its coverage of numerous issues and essential need to knows for marriage, it can be a helpful read for anyone interested in the relevant subject.
July 30, 2022
Amazing book that should be read by anyone before embarking on the process of marriage.
July 20, 2020
A good book with plenty of useful tips supported by Islamic perspectives and Prophetic examples.
February 4, 2024
This book very much comes across as a book written by members of the community for members of the community. That's not to say woe is me, I am a rare diamond amidst everyone, but rather I was definitely not the target audience for this book and for this reason, this is I think maybe the 3rd book in my life I have DNF.
A few reasons / quotes that led me to DNF on January 3, 2023 (taken from my reading journey/progress notes):
On page 3: The author mentions that you should be growing with your partner not individually. This neglects that you as an individual need to grow first and then secondly look for a spouse to then grow together with. Without doing your own inner work, how can you do that inner work with someone else?
You shouldn’t enter a relationship with baggage.
On page 16: I also disagree with “for those of us raised on fairy tales and living ‘happily ever after,’ just remember that Allah (swt) promises to reward us with everlasting joy after we work hard every day to earn it.”
This just rubbed me the wrong way as it reads as a snub to younger generations. Mainly for the way Happily ever after is portrayed by the author(s). Happily ever after isn’t glass slipper princesses, palaces etc. the root of all fairy tales is finding someone who understands you, comforts you, encourages you, listens to you, challenges you, and sees the world through the same light. That is something that is everyone’s due right.
The notion that to earn my Akhira, I have to suffer on Earth? That’s not to say I dispute the fact that this world is not meant for the believers, and that the hereafter is our final abode but that it doesn’t mean that life in this world is just meant to be that: suffering.
Page 20: "In addition, marriage can provide the opportunity for a spiritual union between two people striving to please their Lord in order to fulfill their spiritual needs and the purpose of creation."
This could have been worded better. The purpose of creation is to worship Allah. By indicating that marriage is the purpose of creation, personally to me, this invites young women to view marriage as a goal rather than a part of life; marriage is not the entirety of life’s aim.
I was chatting to my sister about this point specifically, and she clarified she understood this sentence differently. She mentioned it implies you will see His mercy & view life through your partner's lens of His wonders which broadens your horizon of the purpose of creation: worshipping Allah & living a life that is pleasing him. You will see His wonders through your spouses eye, which will then influence you in seeing His wonders in ways that are different than how you perceived. It will add a new level to the way you worship; it will be yours + their ways of worship combined.
Overall, this book fell flat for me so, DNF.
A few reasons / quotes that led me to DNF on January 3, 2023 (taken from my reading journey/progress notes):
On page 3: The author mentions that you should be growing with your partner not individually. This neglects that you as an individual need to grow first and then secondly look for a spouse to then grow together with. Without doing your own inner work, how can you do that inner work with someone else?
You shouldn’t enter a relationship with baggage.
On page 16: I also disagree with “for those of us raised on fairy tales and living ‘happily ever after,’ just remember that Allah (swt) promises to reward us with everlasting joy after we work hard every day to earn it.”
This just rubbed me the wrong way as it reads as a snub to younger generations. Mainly for the way Happily ever after is portrayed by the author(s). Happily ever after isn’t glass slipper princesses, palaces etc. the root of all fairy tales is finding someone who understands you, comforts you, encourages you, listens to you, challenges you, and sees the world through the same light. That is something that is everyone’s due right.
The notion that to earn my Akhira, I have to suffer on Earth? That’s not to say I dispute the fact that this world is not meant for the believers, and that the hereafter is our final abode but that it doesn’t mean that life in this world is just meant to be that: suffering.
Page 20: "In addition, marriage can provide the opportunity for a spiritual union between two people striving to please their Lord in order to fulfill their spiritual needs and the purpose of creation."
This could have been worded better. The purpose of creation is to worship Allah. By indicating that marriage is the purpose of creation, personally to me, this invites young women to view marriage as a goal rather than a part of life; marriage is not the entirety of life’s aim.
I was chatting to my sister about this point specifically, and she clarified she understood this sentence differently. She mentioned it implies you will see His mercy & view life through your partner's lens of His wonders which broadens your horizon of the purpose of creation: worshipping Allah & living a life that is pleasing him. You will see His wonders through your spouses eye, which will then influence you in seeing His wonders in ways that are different than how you perceived. It will add a new level to the way you worship; it will be yours + their ways of worship combined.
Overall, this book fell flat for me so, DNF.
April 15, 2022
This is a good book. Not just for anyone who seeks to get married, I'll even suggest this to anyone who's not yet seeking or having any partners. This book gives a good foundation of how Islam actually cultivates relationships, and how culture and social norms mostly tainted it.
The book gives many examples of the Prophet's (pbuh) relationship with his first wife, Khadija. How their marriages were actually not something that was full of patriarchy, rather something that brought the best for each other.
It is indeed pretty comforting to know that Islam is actually relevant until this day.
The book gives many examples of the Prophet's (pbuh) relationship with his first wife, Khadija. How their marriages were actually not something that was full of patriarchy, rather something that brought the best for each other.
It is indeed pretty comforting to know that Islam is actually relevant until this day.
September 25, 2020
I really enjoyed reading Before You Tie the Knot, because I was able to gain more knowledge about marriage in Islam, in addition to the psychological take on the same subject. There are often misconceptions about marriage in Islam that are often based on culture rather than religion, these points are clarified in the book. Overall, I learned so much about Islam and how to maintain a healthy marriage through this book and will recommend it to any of my friends that will be getting married or are interested in finding their life partner soon.
January 28, 2022
I'm sure my review is biased but honestly the best premarital book I have ever read!!
It's a rare gem, combining perspective of female psychologist and a male Imam based in US. They covered a wide range of topics with just enough explanations that helped you grasp the ideas but still wanting to read for more. Very friendly introduction to marriage fiqh with various science-backed psychology theories.
I hope we will have similar and better books like this in the future. Thank you guys, I adore you two! God bless you.
It's a rare gem, combining perspective of female psychologist and a male Imam based in US. They covered a wide range of topics with just enough explanations that helped you grasp the ideas but still wanting to read for more. Very friendly introduction to marriage fiqh with various science-backed psychology theories.
I hope we will have similar and better books like this in the future. Thank you guys, I adore you two! God bless you.
August 6, 2022
Great book filled with many pertinent questions and reflections to consider before marriage. This shouldn’t be your sole resource for marriage planning, some of the ideas in this book are heavily influenced by western society, these ideas are backed by the Quran and hadiths, it would be necessary to look at it the other way around, looking at what the Quran and the Hadiths say about marriage and translate it to action items regardless of cultural impact. Regardless, it is a great book to read before marriage.
May 2, 2022
Well written — overall comprehensive and concise. I’m so glad I bought this. I love books with reflection questions. It’s really helped to guide me in finding a righteous partner (God Willing). I love the 100 questions in the end that also helps couples decide if they are a good fit for each other. Thank you to the authors (Imam Magid and Salma Abugideiri). Much needed in the Muslim community for those who are looking to get married or improve their marriages.
April 1, 2023
I love this book, mainly because I think this book able to bridge between marriage from Islamic perspective and current, modern world. It gives me lots of new perspective.
Most of sample cases in this book are USA centric. But, as people who lives outside USA, I think it doesn't bother me and still able to explain problem well.
Most of sample cases in this book are USA centric. But, as people who lives outside USA, I think it doesn't bother me and still able to explain problem well.
July 9, 2020
Incredibly practical read with examples that drive home most of the messaging across the book. Even for someone not looking to get married right now, it is a great piece of growth and contemplation in terms of how we view relationships all around us.
August 28, 2022
This doesn't only apply to Muslims, but to couple of any religions. Pretty basic advice peppered by "check with your local mosque, so on". Honestly this book could have been half its size and still carried the meaning. Common sense, really.
September 15, 2020
It didn't add much to what I already know, but in general it's a not a bad book.
May 26, 2021
definitely will re-read this and review the questions or share it with someone special (my potential spouse) ❤️😍
January 7, 2023
The best I have come across thus far
July 20, 2023
...lol
January 5, 2026
An important book.
The most relevant, comprehensive, easy-to-read, well-balanced book I’ve found on the topic so far. Played a positive role in my life. This is the first book that i recommend to anyone who starts to think about marriage.
Its authored by a psychologist and an imam in West. So it comes with some “western” flavour. But useful nonetheless, the flavour makes up ~30% of book but the remaining 70% is universal. Specifically the self-reflection questions by end of each chapter, they are good for everyone (even those not looking to marry anytime soon), and 100+ cross-questions in Appendix.
It can work as a standalone guide, but you should take it as a starting point and definitely take help from other resources too, like scholarship available online, Imam Ghazali’s Ihya ul Uloom’s Chapter of Marriage, and other Hadith anthologies on the topic.
The most relevant, comprehensive, easy-to-read, well-balanced book I’ve found on the topic so far. Played a positive role in my life. This is the first book that i recommend to anyone who starts to think about marriage.
Its authored by a psychologist and an imam in West. So it comes with some “western” flavour. But useful nonetheless, the flavour makes up ~30% of book but the remaining 70% is universal. Specifically the self-reflection questions by end of each chapter, they are good for everyone (even those not looking to marry anytime soon), and 100+ cross-questions in Appendix.
It can work as a standalone guide, but you should take it as a starting point and definitely take help from other resources too, like scholarship available online, Imam Ghazali’s Ihya ul Uloom’s Chapter of Marriage, and other Hadith anthologies on the topic.
July 6, 2019
A good book to read before getting married muslim couples. Although the book focuses on premarital counseling as a tool to reduce chances of conflict and divorce, it does brings attention to a lot of the main issues US Muslims face in their marriage especially with cultural differences. I think the book covered a lot of material and provided a set of questions for the couple to answer to seek mutual understanding before taking on the responsibility of marriage. As a single guy who is considering marriage, I think it was a good intro and will be useful if both parties are involved in the process. At least now all I have to do is to find an interested lady to participate in this process 😂.
September 5, 2021
Recommended to be read by both bride and groom before marriage or whilst considering marriage
Displaying 1 - 22 of 22 reviews