Power with Purpose: God's Design for Power Dynamics in Marriage

by David R Dunham, Krista Dunham

God gave you power. Do you know how to use it?

Too many men and women aren’t sure what to do with the power they bring to a marriage. But this power is a gift from God! Biblical counselors Dave and Krista show you how to use your strengths to serve your spouse, how to craft a shared family vision that brings clarity to disagreements, and how to navigate tough conversations and situations—all so you can build a stronger marriage.

Endorsements“While reaffirming the beauty of traditional marital roles, David and Krista Dunham provide an incredible service to the church by showing that marriage is about much more than roles.”

—Scott Mehl, Author, Redeeming Sex in Marriage

“Power with Purpose is a theologically grounded and pastorally wise resource that exposes the misplaced trust and self-reliance that are often underneath our craving for control.”

—Paul Tautges, Pastor, Cornerstone Community Church, Cleveland, Ohio

“The Dunhams masterfully frame power as neither a vice to be abandoned nor a privilege to lord over our spouses. Instead, they call us to a Christlike model.”

—Chris Moles, Pastor, The Chapel, Eleanor, West Virginia

“This book is a needed recalibration for couples, churches, and anyone longing to see grace shape the deepest relationships in their lives.”

—Darby Strickland, Faculty, Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation

Genres: Marriage, Christian

168 pages, Paperback

Published December 10, 2025

Reviews

[Rodrigo Sanchez · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5, ok. – Helpful and balanced at times. Good nuggets here and there. Not sure about the premise of power distribution. I didn’t catch a thesis or argument for describing marriage this way. Confusing terms: often using power, authority, and influence synonymously, and at times using them as distinct. From the first chapter, it seems the authors used to have an unhealthy marriage and the husband was controlling. That experience colors much of the feel of the book. In Appendix B, the authors write that we live “within a culture that, in an attempt to protect women from male dominance, has become stuck on high alert against any man who seeks to lead his wife in any way.” In my humble opinion, the tone of this book and the frequent negative examples and images of male leadership in the home contributes to this culture of high alert. Overall, I appreciate the authors’ efforts to balance the practical outworking of complementarianism (especially in young, immature marriages). Jonathan Leeman’s Authority will continue to be my go to resource to help husbands and wives understand the right use of leadership and authority in the home and beyond.

[Zack · Rating 3 out of 5]

There are some genuinely helpful parts of this book (chapter 3 in particular, but also chapters 4-6). I greatly appreciate the emphasis on the husband’s role as leader and the wife’s role as helper being primary (from Scripture) rather than the flattened out understanding of “wife as submitter” so prevalent in much recent Christian literature on marriage. The cautions against abuse are important and pronounced (though perhaps a little too foregrounded) throughout the book. The writing is clear, accessible, and eminently readable.

All that said, chapters 1-2 (which lay the theoretical groundwork) were disappointing in two big (related) ways: 1) the emphasis on male/husbandly abuses of power was so pronounced as to be imbalanced; and 2) there is scant attention given to female/wifely shortcomings beyond something along the lines of “perhaps you haven’t been proactive enough about addressing your husband’s sin.” In our present Egalitarian cultural moment, a book like this really needs a more thorough treatment of the problem of overly assertive and insistent wives, and the marital dangers of social deception.

The emphasis is obviously by design, and likely because the authors are writing with a particular audience in mind: misled Evangelical Christians who have imbibed bad marriage advice promoting the stereotyped vision of “the submissive wife.” If such is the case, then they hit the target! But I think that what is offered here represents an overcorrection, though not without value. At its best, this book will lead husbands and wives to more proactively pursue a collaborative effort at Christlikeness and stewardship of each others’ hearts in their marriages and other shared pursuits.

[Kyrsi Connelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book does not align with the Bible-it promotes egalitarian views and elevates wives to an extreme. While there are some points I would agree with I do not recommend reading this book as it could be confusing for someone who doesn’t have a strong understanding of biblical roles.

[Wolfgang Michalke · Rating 5 out of 5]

balanced and insightful

I love how this book doesn’t just look to Biblical references directly mentioning marriage but looks to the broader teachings about human relationships and our relationships to God. Highly recommend.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Power with Purpose, David R. Dunham and Krista Dunham thoughtfully explore God’s design for power dynamics in marriage, offering a biblically grounded and pastorally sensitive perspective. The book challenges common assumptions about authority in marriage and calls couples to reimagine power as a means of love, service, and mutual flourishing.

This book considers relational power in marriage, which refers to the ability to influence, guide, or affect another person. For Christians, we believe that this power (authority) is given by God for the glory of God and the good of others.

More Than Headship and Submission

Marriage is more than headship and submission. The reality is that both husbands and wives have their own unique types of power that are meant to be used for the flourishing of the other. The book demonstrates how, through influence, there can be a mutual equality of impact rooted in the biblical principle of unity in marriage. This brings balance to power dynamics while still leaving room for sacrificial love toward one another.

I was reminded of my own sinful tendency to use power in relationships for personal gain. As a husband and father, the goal is to love sacrificially like Jesus. One example in the book that especially moved me was the examination of Priscilla and Aquila, who displayed mutual equality of impact in their ministry.

Authority and Influence

The book concludes by exploring how power can be applied in marriage through collaboration, companionship, and consideration. Two appendixes are particularly helpful, addressing the misuse of power in marriages and providing guidance for determining whether one is in an abusive marriage.

Power with Purpose is a timely and needed contribution to conversations about marriage, authority, and influence for Christians. It will serve your marriage as you learn Christlike love and humility.

I received a media copy of Power with Purpose and this is my honest review. @diveindigdeep

[Bethany Feustel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been leading women’s Bible study for 6 years. So, not exactly wet behind the ears, but certainly young enough to know I have much to learn yet. That being said, teaching through Ephesians 5/6 had me feeling butterflies for weeks in advance.

Greg and I saw authors David and Krista as the speakers at a recent marriage retreat weekend. We enjoyed their teaching, and I grabbed a copy of their book. It promptly landed on my ever growing TBR stack, and I didn’t think much of it. Providentially, I came across Tim Challies’ positive review for the book, and it reminded me of my up coming assigned weeks to lead through the submission section in Ephesians. Hoping to bolster my thoughts on the topic, I dove in.

I’m glad I did! This was a sound, honest discussion of complimentary biblical marriage roles, and it helped my thoughts on the subject solidify.

One critique is that the chapters were long and it would’ve been a little bit more reader friendly had they’ve been sectioned into smaller chapters.

[Brian Derksen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is really quite a good book on marriage. Probably one of the best books on the topic I’ve read - especially if evaluating it for it being thought provoking, which it is. They explain well leadership and submission. One small quibble may be that they seem sympathetic to a wife working full time outside the home - while I would want to evaluate if the wife is sacrificing her nurturing role at home if she is working full time (especially when the kids are young). With that one point aside, I still really thought the book was beneficial and worth reading/recommending.

[Jen G · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are a complementarian, you should read and apply this book. This books adds the much needed reminders that spouses should love each other and put each other first, not just practice authority and submission. If you aren't a complementarian, then I am not sure how much you will get out of this.