The Not So Loving Side of Gentle Parenting: A Biblical Plea to Parents

by Justin L. Miller

A new Trojan horse took baby steps into the nursery and has now launched big steps into the church family—“Gentle Parenting.” It is likely this novel parenting philosophy has been adopted by families in your church body. This book will (1) characterize and define what Gentle Parenting is (2) critique it by comparing and contrasting it with the Holy Scriptures, (3) call believers back to raising their children in truth, and then (4) carefully consider the essential need to rely solely upon the sufficiency of Scripture in parenting. Parenting is a blessed stewardship believers are called to carry out for God’s glory in His Word.

136 pages, Paperback

Published April 20, 2025

Reviews

[Lydia Bethay · Rating 5 out of 5]

“From the God the Father’s example, we can conclude that biblical parenting and discipline must be:
Authoritative
Consistent
Corrective
Punitive
Instructive
Loving
Christ Jesus centered
Aimed at holiness
Continuous “ pg 68

Miller gives a very clear and concise polemic against Gentle Parenting. He makes it clear that the audience of this book is for Christians, because the foundation of his argument is that, as Christians, we have to hold what Scripture commands over what we think is wise. “We, as Christians, do not have the option to parent however we wish. We are to parent per God‘s Word for God‘s glory.”

[Katelynn O'Lessker · Rating 2 out of 5]

As a young mother in the target demographic for gentle parenting, I had high hopes for this book and was unfortunately disappointed. This could have been a much stronger book with a better editorial process.

Miller’s strongest chapter was his critique of gentle parenting, but the weakness of the preceding chapters in outlining what gentle parenting is lessened the effectiveness of his critique. Additionally, given that the chapters were originally sermons, there is quite a bit of repetition that may have been useful across multiple Sundays, but is redundant in book format.

I would not necessarily give this to parents who are currently being influenced by gentle parenting, as I don’t think it is clear or strong enough to help them see both the pitfalls of and the antidotes to the philosophy. I could see it being beneficial to pastors who need a very basic introduction into gentle parenting, or grandparents who may be wondering why their kids are parenting their grandchildren so differently.

“Bad Therapy” by Abigail Shrier remains the best treatment on the influence of gentle parenting. Even though it is secular, I’d recommend reading that to get a fuller picture of the intricacies and dangers of gentle/anti-authoritative parenting.

[Natalie Meredith · Rating 1 out of 5]

In The Not So Loving Side of Gentle Parenting, Justin Miller argues that modern gentle parenting philosophies are fundamentally incompatible with a Christian worldview. For Miller, to embrace gentle parenting is to deny the sufficiency of Scripture and to adopt pagan ideologies under a Christian veneer.

Miller’s central argument is that in accepting the tools and insights provided by neuroscience, parents are denying the sufficiency of God’s Word. He claims that the only parenting advice Christians must seek is that which comes directly from the Bible. This reasoning echoes the nouthetic counseling movement popularized by Jay Adams and others. For Miller, Scripture alone is not merely sufficient—it is the sole source of truth.

Miller writes, “The Bible is the sufficient rule of how God commands us to parent our children. At the heart of this issue of Gentle Parenting is a rejection of the sufficiency of Scripture for the professing Christian.” He promotes Ted Tripp’s Shepherding a Child’s Heart as the faithful and biblical model for parenting; all else, he argues, is a rejection of Jesus’ lordship and of His Word. And yet, Tripp’s (and therefore Miller’s) parenting framework hinges on faulty exegesis and cherry-picked verses—most notably, a literal and prescriptive reading of wisdom literature, a reduction of the Hebrew concept of discipline to mere punishment, and an incomplete portrayal of the character of God the Father. In practice, Miller’s argument does not defend the inerrancy of Scripture; it defends the inerrancy of his own interpretation of it.

In Miller’s eyes, anyone who follows practices of gentle parenting stands in direct rebellion against Jesus’ kingship and lordship and is an “empty professor.” Over and over, he pleads with his “beloved readers” to reject the “paganism” of gentle parenting and to “have no fellowship with this darkness.” In doing so, Miller transforms a secondary, practical issue into a primary, salvific one. This burdens Christian parents—especially mothers—with unnecessary guilt and fear. It also undermines the freedom of conscience and discernment that Scripture itself encourages. Christians can disagree on the application of biblical principles without being labeled enemies of Christ.

Throughout the book, Miller caricatures gentle parenting as permissive, authority-rejecting, and devoid of correction. He writes, “At every stop, [Gentle Parenting] stands against God’s Word concerning how to parent,” claiming it “rejects proper authority” and “rejects telling a child they are wrong.”

This is a straw man. The neuroscience-informed approaches grouped under the label “gentle parenting” are far from uniform, but few—if any—reject parental authority. Instead, they emphasize authority that is firm yet empathetic—the kind of authority that sets boundaries through connection rather than intimidation. Contemporary research consistently shows that children thrive under caregivers who are both responsive and consistent. Far from being “pagan,” this relational dynamic mirrors God’s own way of relating to His people—compassionate yet firm, full of grace and truth. When Jesus described Himself as “gentle and lowly in heart,” He modeled an authority rooted in self-giving love, not dominance.

Underlying Miller’s critique are several theologically troubling assumptions:
- That parents can train their children into saving faith.
- That parents act as the Holy Spirit in conviction and sanctification.
- That dependence and immaturity are moral failings rather than part of being human.
- That discipline is equivalent to punishment.
- That children’s personhood and place in the covenant community are subordinate to parental authority.

Together, these ideas reduce children to moral projects rather than image-bearers to be nurtured. They obscure the biblical truth that children, like adults, are invited to experience God’s lovingkindness as what leads to repentance—not merely His correction.

Parents, I urge you to explore gentle parenting for yourself—with Scripture open, prayer in your heart, and discernment in hand. You may find, as many Christian parents have, that it is not a rejection of God’s design, but rather a way of reflecting His patience, tenderness, and hesed love in the ordinary moments of family life. Parenting with grace and connection does not diminish the gospel—it demonstrates it.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book on biblical parenting and the problems with gentle parenting.

[Bobby James · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5. Helpfully brief and simple.

[Josh Nicholson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very well written and easy to retain the information. Would highly recommend.

[Jerrod Lowe · Rating 5 out of 5]

1 Corinthians 3:19a says. “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God.” Gentle parenting as outlined in Dr. Miller’s book is exactly that, “the wisdom of this world which is foolishness before God.” How long will the church hear the Word of God and say, “thank you, but I know a better way?” It is time for the church to recognize the whisper of the enemy in our ears, he is crafty and subtle and he whispers into the ears of parents, “did God really say that?” Before you know it we have turned away from God’s Word and trusted the foolishness of men and worldly wisdom knows no boundaries and how we raise our children has been under attack throughout time, the enemies approach may change over the years but his goal has never changed, let me ruin the family through subtly that leads away from God. I am grateful for my dear brothers labor in this work. Dr. Miller in a short and easy to read book lays out the unbiblical issue called gentle parenting and calls us to see what God has said in His Word about how we as Christian parents are to raise our children for the glory of God and for the good of our children. This book calls us to realize that we can’t improve upon what God has already said. It is my prayer that we as Christian parents will heed the Word of God and reject gentle parenting and raise our children God’s way, per His Word. My love and prayers for you all.

[Patrick Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

If we are not to compromise the word of God then as Christians truly knowing and faithfully believing that the Holy scriptures are the inherent infallible true life giving and life changing word of our HOLY KING, then as it is written by men through the Holy Spirit to not add to nor take away from His word. The world's view of "gentle parenting" must be deemed as an abomination and the head of the deceitful snake needs crushed. My brother in Christ has faithfully done this the only way any of us as Christ redeemed Christians should in all areas of our lives, per Gods unchanging non-negotiable word. May it be to Gods Glory and I pray an eye-opener as it was to even me. That the souls and eternity of our children and grandchildren should be much more precious and important to us than their feelings and happiness. Let us raise them up in true happiness, true joy and peace, and true assurance that can never be found in ourselves or in the ways of this world, but in Christ alone.

Patrick Henry
Puxico First Baptist Church

[Dewey Dovel · Rating 5 out of 5]

We live in an era where Christians tend to be more influenced by worldly wisdom than by biblical precepts. Child rearing is no exception to this unfortunate trend, as evidenced with the rise of so-called “Gentle Parenting.” In God’s perfect providence, Dr. Justin Miller has offered a pastorally sensitive critique of “Gentle Parenting” approaches, along with a positive summons to anchor child rearing to the instruction provided in Scriptures. By anchoring his arguments to biblical authority and biblical sufficiency, Dr. Miller’s volume promotes how Christians have historically approached the weighty task of parenting to the glory of God. Contemporary Christian readers should be refreshed by Dr. Miller’s appeal to put off “Gentle Parenting,” and to trust that parenting guidelines provided in the Bible is even enough for such a time as this.

[Clayton Richardson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I agreed with the substance of this book, but it was very basic. It contained very little new or fresh insights. It simply explained why gentle parenting isn’t biblical. And it repeated itself a lot and had a lot of typos and misused words. Overall, it was not particularly well-written. I already agreed with this book’s point of view, and since the book wasn’t insightful, I didn’t really learn anything new. All in all, this one wasn’t really worth the time to read it or the money to buy it.

[Jacob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gentle Parenting is a refreshing and practical guide for parents who long to raise their children with a Christ-centered foundation. What sets this book apart is its balance of biblical truth and real-world application. Rather than offering quick fixes or formulaic steps, the author continually points readers back to Scripture, reminding us that parenting is less about controlling outcomes and more about faithfully shepherding the hearts of our children toward Christ

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

In today’s culture, we often see the worldly approach to parenting put into practice. We also have seen the fruit of parenting from that perspective. In his book, Dr. Miller lovingly shows the pitfalls of gentle parenting and beautifully lays forth the Biblical approach to raising children.

-Dustin Hodges
Puxico FBC

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

My prayer is that many will read Dr. Miller’s work and benefit from it by God’s grace. May the Lord use this small, but powerful work to stir the minds of many and cause all who read it to seriously consider the importance of holding to a biblical worldview in regard to raising and disciplining their children.

[Elizabeth Giff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring and convicting read! As Dr. Miller fairly explains all the history, views, and applications of Gentle Parenting, he critiques it with Scripture and further goes on to give a clear and simple explanation of how Christians are to BIBLICALLY Parent their children, complete with application, example, and biblical references.

[Falon Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book accomplished its purpose. It is written for believers so he talks about this issue from a biblical standpoint and it was solid. It’s short, it’s not meant to delve into extreme detail but the gospel message was present and clear and I enjoyed reading it. I think it’s a helpful book and points out some clear issues with this new method of gentle parenting.

[Hopson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book needed to be written. I agreed with nearly all its content, I just felt it was poorly executed. It felt very hastily written, which is unfortunate because this topic needs a careful and thorough treatment.

[Matt Miller · Rating 3 out of 5]

Helpful compilation of primary material on “gentle parenting.” The appendix on family worship is a helpful tool for those needing a basic model. The weakness is the case for biblical parenting. Needed to be developed.

[Rory · Rating 4 out of 5]

Introduces so-called "Gentle Parenting" and points out some main biblical reasons it is wrong. Makes good, biblical points, but is not very deep. Not the best writing. Should have spent longer addressing real, biblical love and gentleness in parenting.

[Landon Coleman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains a sober warning about the unbiblical nature of "gentle parenting." The warning is on point in that "gentle parenting" denies both the authority and sufficiency of Scripture.

[Nate Pickowicz · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful guide toward biblical parenting versus a popular secular method that is destined only to ruin children.

[D · Rating 2 out of 5]

Agree with it, but just okay.

[Austin Cox · Rating 3 out of 5]

Gentle parenting is silly, but the book was a bit clunky.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

Christian families have allowed a Trojan horse to invade the home. While "Gentle parenting" sounds like an approach to parenting that is biblical and Spirit filled, it is hellish and contrary to God's design for the family. Justin not only exposes the unbiblical worldview behind this philsophy of parenting, but he positively lays out how Christians should love and lead their children to Christ through discipline.

[Jameson Supan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Justin sets out to bring a gentle but strong critique to the gentle parenting philosophy, and he does so precisely, quickly, and succinctly. He brings good, necessary, and thorough criticism to gentle parenting in the heart of Christian love and gentleness within the form of a brief and accessible book for new parents. Not leaving things half-done, Justin brings out a righteous Christian alternative to the faulty philosophy of Gentle Parenting. I cannot recommend this book more highly to; new parents, hopeful parents, even grandparents.
I have three copies and have begun giving them out to new parents I know.