The Crucible of Doubt: Reflections on the Quest for Faith

by Terryl L. Givens, Fiona Givens

Faith is the first principle of the gospel of Jesus Christ. So what happens when a person has doubts?

Questioning is not the problem, according to authors Terryl and Fiona Givens. “After all,” they write, “the Restoration unfolded because a young man asked questions.” The difficulty arises when questions are based on flawed assumptions or incorrect perceptions, which can “point us in the wrong direction, misdirect our attention, or constrain the answers we are capable of hearing.”

This insightful book offers a careful, intelligent look at doubt—at some of its common sources, the challenges it presents, and the opportunities it may open up in a person’s quest for faith. Whether you struggle with your own doubts or mostly want to understand loved ones who question, you will appreciate this candid discussion. You’ll come away feeling more certain than ever of the Lord’s love for all of His children.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction, Lds, Church, Spirituality, Faith, Mormonism

200 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 25, 2014

About the author

Terryl L. Givens was born in upstate New York, raised in the American southwest, and did his graduate work in Intellectual History (Cornell) and Comparative Literature (Ph.D. UNC Chapel Hill, 1988), working with Greek, German, Spanish, Portuguese, and English languages and literatures. As Professor of Literature and Religion, and the James A. Bostwick Professor of English at the University of Richmond, he teaches courses in Romanticism, nineteenth-century cultural studies, and the Bible and Literature. He has published in literary theory, British and European Romanticism, Mormon studies, and intellectual history.

Dr. Givens has authored several books, including The Viper on the Hearth: Mormons, Myths, and the Construction of Heresy (Oxford 1997); By the Hand of Mormon: The American Scripture that Launched a New World Religion (Oxford 2003); People of Paradox: A History of Mormon Culture (Oxford 2007); The Book of Mormon: A Very Short Introduction (Oxford 2009); and When Souls had Wings: Pre-Mortal Life in Western Thought (2010). Current projects include a biography of Parley P. Pratt (with Matt Grow, to be published by Oxford in 2011), a sourcebook of Mormonism in America (with Reid Neilson, to be published by Columbia in 2011), an Oxford Handbook to Mormonism (with Phil Barlow), and a two volume history of Mormon theology. He lives in Montpelier, Virginia.

Reviews

[Brad · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly wish that this book would become its own Sunday school class in my church. I wish that there were a class at BYU that was focused purely on the ideas in this book. I wish that all my friends and family would read it. There are a lot of books that I give 5 stars to which I have recommended to people. This is because I felt like they told amazing stories, were extremely well written, or moved me in some way. This book is different. I highly recommend it because I feel that it is important. I could be getting ahead of myself here, and maybe others would read this and not have it be as influential, but for me, its message is critical.
I was raised a Mormon and to this day have remained a Mormon. So much of my life is shaped and influenced by my faith. Over the last couple of years, my perspective on religion, Mormonism in particular, has shifted. I have seen this shift in a lot of people around me and have heard others characterize this transition as a ‘faith crisis’ but that sounds slightly too dramatic to me – at least for my experience. I served an LDS mission for my church in West Virginia back in 2005-2007 and during that time I was exposed, for the first time, to many different views on life and religion. I was also exposed, by competing religions, to ‘accusations’ about Mormon history and doctrine. I was told things about Joseph Smith and Brigham Young relating to polygamy or racism and I either justified or denied it. After my mission, I slowly heard other things about the church that I hadn’t heard before. Again, my typical response was that it was ‘anti-Mormon’ literature and thus deserved none of my attention.
The hard part for me is that I am a researcher at heart. My wife can attest, whenever we buy something new or are planning a trip, I try to learn as much as I can about the topic or place. I don’t like not-knowing something about something that I may spend money on. Similarly, in my profession as a statistician, I am constantly required to read journal papers from other statisticians’ work to see what has been done before and how it applies to my job. I have to compare different viewpoints and come to a conclusion myself. I have found great value in this process. Interestingly enough, I never took this research mentality to my own church’s history and theology – despite the fact that my faith is so central to my life. In recent years, that has changed.
I know that many people disagree with looking into church history/theology and say that it could be problematic or ‘difficult’ but that just didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t want to be afraid of my own church’s past. It was almost painful to me to hear something hard about the church and not actually know if that person’s statement held any water. The best way I can relate my thoughts is how I view my relationship with my wife. Part of what makes marriage so amazing is the fact that we are completely open and vulnerable with our spouses. My wife knows all of me, my past and my present. She knows hard things I have gone through, poor choices I have made. She still sees me make wrong choices to this day. She sees all of me and still says “I love you.” I can’t think of anything more powerful than that. I wanted the same relationship with the lds church/gospel. I love this gospel but I wanted to love all of it, not just what I knew. I wanted to see its difficult past and I wanted to be vulnerable to the fact that I may not like it or agree with it. I didn’t want to obsess over difficult aspects and have them define the gospel, just like my wife has never obsessed over my past sins or difficulties, but I appreciate that she still acknowledges them. I think I would almost be offended if she said “I don’t want to hear about wrong choices you have made, or still make, because I love you and that is all that matters.” I felt like I needed to learn about more difficult aspects of my faith and see it, acknowledge it, and still be able to hopefully say “I love you.”
Over the last 5-6 months particularly, I have learned a lot more about church history in particular. I am no expert but so far I must say that there are a lot of things that don’t jive with me. I don’t understand polygamy and it is hard for me to see how that was a good thing. I think many past Mormon leaders made very racist comments and actions. There are parts of current Mormon theology regarding marriage/polygamy in the afterlife that still don’t sit well with me. Sometimes I question Mormon historical claims. Also, culturally, there are some parts of the gospel that rub me the wrong way.
With all this being said, for every one hard thing that is hard for me to grasp, there are 5-10 things that I love and embrace. I love the focus on family life. I love the encouragement for me to live worthy and honor my priesthood. I love having general conference twice a year to be reminded of the important things in life. I love the theology of eternal families. I like the home teaching program and the primary program. I like the warm feelings I get during my own personal study or at the temple. I love the people in the church that I have met. I love how the gospel has shaped my life and I hope it shapes my kids life. Deep down, I believe that it is an incredible thing and I feel grateful that it is a part of me.
This brings me (finally ☺ ) to the book review. This book touched on so many important ‘difficult’ aspects of the church and provided a way to think about it in a new way. It didn’t feel cheap or apologetic (I am not saying Mormon apologetics are bad, but often they don’t feel honest to me) but instead felt honest and right. I loved its perspective on doubt in general and how it can purify us and bring us to a better place. I feel like it has done that for me.
I am not saying that taking my approach to the gospel is the right way, but I feel like it has been right for me. There are many close to me that I love that have no interest in facing difficult aspects of the church and I have no problem with that. I just wish there was less fear regarding more challenging parts of the gospel and that instead of putting up a wall of anger/rationalization that instead we could see it for what it is – reality, which always seems to fluctuate between the hard and difficult to the amazing and beautiful.
This book helped me in the process of coming to terms with a religion that is very important for me. I couldn’t recommend it enough.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This review is going to get a little personal, but this book helped me so much. I have such a great respect for the Givens. I attended college at BYU-Idaho and had the opportunity to listen to Terrel speak at an English Pre-professional conference. I wish the self that I am now could go and speak to him at that conference and tell him what an impact this book had on me.

I've been dealing with what you could call a faith crisis for about two years now and got to the point where I was considering leaving the Latter-day Saint church all together due to unanswered questions, doctrinal inconsistencies, problematic history, and treatment of LGBT issues. However, even with all my concerns with the church, I feel like I can continue to stay an active member of the church.

I think there can sometimes be an attitude in Mormon culture that if you don't agree or know everything in the church is absolutely true, then you don't belong. However, that is simply not true. I love how at the top of the cover of the book it states, "The body of Christ needs its full complement of members--the devout, the wayward, the uncomfortable, the struggling."

I would recommend this book to any Latter-day Saint who is struggling with their faith. Terryl and Fiona Givens eloquently tackle tough issues that some people have with the church and give thought out answers that are honest and fulfilling. While this book does not solve all the questions that some may have about the church, it does give the reader a different way of looking at things. I found this book to be extremely helpful in a time where I needed it so much.

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first encountered Terryl Givens when he spoke at BYU. At the end of his talk he said, "But [Joseph Smith's] message also flamed forth because millions of men and women have freely chosen to believe. They assayed the opinions of doubters, and they gave a hearing to the critics. Like Brigham Young, they knew Joseph was human and subject to err, but they sampled his words and agreed they tasted like honey. They weighed the beauty of a god and of human origins and a human future unlike anything before imagined. They found reason to doubt, and they found reason to believe. They chose to believe." This described me perfectly. I do find reasons to doubt (some very good reasons) and I also find reasons to believe (some very powerful reasons), and like those followers before me, I chose to believe.

Those who have had a spiritual manifestation of, say, the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon and have therefore had any doubts swept away, have no need for this book. Those who have no doubts because they aren't really interested in considering those questions that could lead to doubt, probably would be better off not reading this book. But I believe those of us who haven't had a profound spiritual manifestation of the truthfulness of _________ (fill in the blank: the Church, the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith as a prophet, etc) and who have considered those issues and/or had experiences that may lead to doubt, will find this book to be of great interest and value.

[Jared Gillins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is possibly the best book on LDS belief that I've read, outside of the canon and the writings of modern apostles and prophets. It offers some very important perspectives and reminders—for believers, doubters, and everyone in between.

I had one small beef with the book, and that was from the last chapter. In the setup the Givenses give overviews of contrasting cosmologies: a godless, "scientific" cosmology; a non-LDS Christian one; and then the LDS perspective. I found the first two overviews to be reductionist and even dismissive. This treatment and the accompanying tone didn't really fit with the rest of the book, and it didn't belong there.

Other than that: excellent. I highly recommend this to anyone—within the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints or without.

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

After finishing this book the first time, I began to write my review, but found myself having to research and dig deeper. I eventually read it a again, taking notes and pondering as I went. These notes, made mainly for my personal use, are below. I go chapter by chapter, summarizing, writing explanations to myself, and repeating quotes that carried special meaning to me.

Seldom has a book resonated with me on so many points. Not only was I ready to agree with and understand so many insights, but I was then taken to the next level through reason and humility. I didn't know it was possible to think this way and come to these conclusions based on simple truths that I already knew.

I recommend this book to everyone. But buckle up and be ready to do some serious self-introspection as you must examine what truths you believe and what truths you want to believe.

*******************************

Introduction

Fake keyhole - false assumptions

1. Reason

Answering the statement
Religion is irrational and unscientific

Reason shouldn't be elevated above emotion

"the best art penetrates the hard shell of habit to reimmerse us in the depths of experience, “refining the sense of beauty to agony,” “ making the stone more stony,” creating “anew the universe, after it has been annihilated in our minds by the recurrence of impressions blunted by reiteration."

"Can any claim be more specious than to suggest that we want more objectivity, and less emotion, in guiding the course of our personal and collective lives? Emotion is not a defect in an otherwise perfect reasoning machine."

"In each of the examples mentioned, the artist’s depiction of human emotion, informed by moral conscience, is shown to be one of the greatest mechanisms in civilization’s arsenal against the evils of this or any time."

Love is a lens that lets us see the world outside ourselves, the world closer to reality.

"In the most emphatic and urgent meaning of the word, love reveals truth. It does not create the impression of truth; love does not merely endow something with a subjective truth—love is the only position or emotional disposition from which we become fully aware of the already present reality of the other person as more than a mere object among other objects in a crowded universe. Love alone reveals the full reality and value of the other person."

Science can inform us of the "whats" but not the "whys".

None of us live our lives according to reason or logic. We may find logical reasons for the way we live our lives, but they don't supply why.

"Art, moral sense, and love" are all "proofs that different ways of knowing exist."

2. Life's Fundamental Incompleteness

Answering the statement
Religion doesn't provide all the answers or even easy answers
If it's right, it shouldn't be this hard

We crave completeness.
We look to religion to resolve ambiguity.
But Christianity is inseparable from provocation.
The peace the gospel brings comes as help amid the storms of life, rather than an escape from them.

"The circumstances that define the reality of the human predicament are not a blatant choice between Good and Evil but a wrenching decision to be made between competing sets of Good."

True religion offers no short cuts or easy answers, only the truth that there are none, that progress is a painful road. This leaves us in suspense, which we abhor.

"Freedom to choose belief and a life of faith, freedom to choose one’s principles and abide by them, freedom to cherish one set of values over another, those kinds of freedom might best unfold when we are not commanded in all things, by God or by the facts. To be an agent unto oneself may very well require that we operate in the valley of incertitude. It is here that we act most authentically, calling upon intuition, spiritual intimations, or simple yearning."

The gospel is designed to put us face to face with our weaknesses:

"Such self-revelation is a painful - but ultimately healing - process. This perspective represents a fundamental reorientation in attitude toward life’s incompleteness. The patterns of meaning only dimly perceived, the inspiration only partially (or negligibly) felt, may not be God’s indifference after all—or our spiritual failing. It may be the most potent form of the question most worth posing: What will you do now?"

Even though the gospel provides powerful ideas and explanations supported by spiritual intimations, it does not give us all the answers. We must still live, and grow, by faith.


3. The Role and Function of the Church

Answering the statements
I don't need a church to practice religion or believe in God
Ordinances of salvation are arbitrary

"True religion is a way of life; a church is an institution designed to strengthen people in the exercise of that life."

A person's religion is the end to which all their actions are pointed.

Church is an opportunity to serve and practice being like the Savior.

"the purposes for which we go to church should be to reenact, in microcosm, the motivations and objectives that Jesus had in laying down His life for us."

"But what if we saw lessons and talks as connections to the sacrament rather than as unrelated secondary activities? What if we saw them as opportunities to bear with one another in all our infirmities and ineptitude? What if we saw the mediocre talk, the overbearing counselor, the lesson read straight from the manual, as a lay member's equivalent of the widow's mite? A humble offering, perhaps, but one to be measured in terms of the capacity of the giver rather than in the value received. And if the effort itself is negligible - well, then the gift is the opportunity given us to exercise patience and mercy."

Learning to live in harmony and unity with others is core to religion. Hence families, and hence wards.

"It would be hard to overestimate the impact this physical boundedness has on the shaping of Mormon culture. Like the family into which one is born, wards become the inescapable condition of a Mormon’s social and spiritual life."

Most of us are shown by life that we cannot find true happiness on our own.

The sacrament is a symbol of Christ's willingness to suffer with and for us. We complete the ritual by committing to give up our favorite sins.

Heaven cannot be understood simply as a place. In essence, it is defined by the quality of the relationships we have been able to build.

Ordinances may be arbitrary, but as such, they allow us to start a personal relationship with God. No moral imperative dictates the action, is is purely a sign of faith and a willingness to obey.

"In this light and context, the seeming arbitrariness of gospel ordinances becomes the very ground on which the particularism of a specific, personal relationship with the Divine becomes enacted. Ordinances make possible our response to God's invitation. We are enabled to formalize and constitute a living, dynamic relationship through a set of ritual performances."

4. Scripture

Answering the statement
Scriptures are inconsistent and therefore cannot be true

We need to search the scriptures in the company of the Holy Ghost. Reading them merely is insufficient to reveal the portions that most truly testify of Christ and His Father.

Scripture comes through fallible humans and his therefore subject to imperfect filtering of culture, situation, personal understanding. Scripture must be taken in context (letters, poems, family history, metaphors, etc.) Be careful of scriptural literalism.

5. Prophets

Answering the statement
If a proposed prophet isn't perfect, he can't really be called of God

It's human nature to hero worship, but the danger is in seeking to turn over the responsibility to work out our own salvation. We must keep our own conscience and know for ourselves what's right. This is not the role of prophets.

Far from being perfect, church leaders aren't even necessarily the best of humanity.

"Many of our expectations about human institutions are so predicated on meritocracy that we are sure God must operate the same way. The head of the corporation should be the most talented business leader. The orchestra’s concertmaster should be the most skillful violinist. The starting quarterback is the one who plays the best football. Surely the leaders of the Church should be the most righteous and flawless of humans!"

"Airbrushing our leaders, past or present, is both a wrenching of the scriptural record and a form of idolatry. It generates an inaccurate paradigm that creates false expectations and disappointment. God specifically said that He called weak vessels so we wouldn’t place our faith in their strength or power, but in God’s. The prophetic mantle represents priesthood keys, not a level of holiness or infallibility."

6. Delegation & Discipleship

Answering the statement
If any practices or teaching from church leaders contain errors, that's proof they aren't led by God.

When leaders get it wrong, it can be challenging and faith trying, but don't give up on the whole church, stay true to what you know

"Authority is the source of delegation, delegation involves humans, humans entail error, and error in the context of authority creates conflict and tension."

Law can come through delegated authority and therefore be imperfect, but law still cannot change truth.

Any time we receive counsel from local or general church leaders, it is our responsibility to seek confirmation from God directly, sustaining their direction with patience and faith, but keeping in mind that human vessels are fallible.

If leaders are doing their best in good faith, God will support and uphold even their bad decisions, within limits.

"Is this not hubris, to expect God’s sanction for a decision made in error? Perhaps. It is also possible that the reply reveals the only understanding of delegation that is viable."

Tempering this tough situation is the breadth of God's mercy, as well as his ability to edify us through tribulation.

"If God can transform cosmic entropy and malice alike into fire that purifies rather than destroys, how much more can He do this with the actions of well-intentioned but less-than-perfect leaders."

"God said He would have a tried people. But He doesn’t have to do the trying. We do most of it to each other—through the very weakness designed to bring us all, fallible leaders and struggling disciples, to Christ the Healer."

Great contextual thoughts about the priesthood ban, polygamy, the Mountain Meadows Massacre, and church history in general, along with how leaders have portrayed church history.

7. Mormons & Monopolies

Answering the statement
Mormons think they have a monopoly on the truth

During the time the priesthood was taken from the earth, God spoke through poets, artists and musicians. And the Catholic church safeguarded many principles of truth, such as the connection between the living and the dead and purgatory.

"Joseph Smith's view is one of the most generous, liberal, and universalist conceptions of salvation in all Christendom."

8. Spirituality & Self Sufficiency

Answering the statement
I can't. I'm Mormon.

Do all the programs of the church create spiritual dependency?

Spiritual strength requires having own "well", not just attending church every week

There exists a community of true believers in Christ that transcends the church. We need to be members of that community of disciples.

"In Salt Lake’s old Thirteenth Ward, Bishop Edwin D. Woolley frequently found himself at odds with President Brigham Young. On a certain occasion, as they ended one such fractious encounter, Young had a final parting remark: “Now, Bishop Woolley, I guess you will go off and apostatize.” To which the bishop rejoined, “If this were your church, President Young, I would be tempted to do so. But this is just as much my church as it is yours, and why should I apostatize from my own church?”"

Institutions value sameness, and it's easy to let that spirit motivate to push people to conform...

"But the Creator God of Genesis is a Being who revels in distinctions, difference, and variation, an Artificer who separated man from woman as surely as He severed earth from sky."

9. Human Suffering

Answering the statement
A loving God would never allow so much suffering in the world

"Instead of explaining our suffering, God shares it."

What else could a third of our brothers and sisters revolt from during the war in heaven but the prospect of personal and collective suffering, despite the proposed good it would do us?

As Saints, we are called to share in the suffering of others. This may seem counter-intuitive to the gospel of peace and happiness.

"Life can be excruciating at the worst of times, and unhappy at the best. To live without God in the world, without hopes or expectations, without spiritual balm or religious faith, is trying. To live a life of discipleship and then feel hopes dashed and expectations unfulfilled, the balm ineffective and the faith devoid of fruit, is to compound the pain with devastating disappointment and heartache. False hope seems worse than none; better to know one is alone in the sea than to wait for the rescue that never comes."

We are creatures of the moment.

"Our present, of course, is shaped by our past. We are in many ways its product. But at the same time, we tend to reinterpret the past on the basis of the present. We are creatures of the moment, so, rather than remember, we reconstruct what once we knew in the light of present uncertainty or loss, which can all too easily overwhelm what we once held as true and real. All too often we forget the gentle impressions we felt, the calm soothing of troubled hearts and minds, or even greater manifestations of divine love."

"The Lord gently tutor[s] us to replace immediacy with memory."

10. Spiritual Communication

Heavenly messages come in many different forms.

"I decided to bet my entire life that the gospel was true."

11. Belief

Five foundational assertions of Mormonism:
1. Eternal universe, God who loves us
2. Human essence exists eternally
3. Mortality as an opportunity to progress
4. Universal human worth and potential
5. Eternal relationships

“Everyone has to believe something. You don’t get to opt out. . . . That we will believe is not in question. The question is what we will believe in, and why.” Of course, he continues, our belief structure may suffer from new evidence, or new challenges. “In that case we do need to adjust our beliefs to accommodate less evidence than we had before. Even in that case, however, we ought not to fool ourselves into thinking that we can simply stop believing. We can only believe in different things.”

"I would rather die forevermore believing as Jesus believed, than live forevermore believing as those that deny Him."

Belief does make us vulnerable

"The question may remain, how does one lock onto the propositional assertions of a restored gospel that is also laden with claims about gold plates and the Book of Abraham and a male priesthood and a polygamous past and a thousand other details we may find difficult? Perhaps, with those five core ideas in mind, one might focus on the message rather than the messenger. One might consider that the contingencies of history and culture and the human element will always constitute the garment in which God’s word and will are clothed. And one might refuse to allow our desire for the perfect to be the enemy of the present good. Finally, we might ask ourselves, with the early disciples, “to whom [else] shall we go?” The worst risk such a life of faith entails is not that such a life might be wrong—but that it might be incomprehensible to those unprepared to take such a risk. As Cardinal Emmanuel Suhard wrote, “To be a witness does not consist in engaging in propaganda, nor even in stirring people up, but in being a living mystery. It means to live in such a way that one’s life would not make sense if God did not exist."

[Benjamin · Rating 5 out of 5]

I may be biased, because the Givens’ understanding of and approach to Mormonism is on almost all accounts identical to my own. It should come as no surprise, then, that I find their book almost perfect. (Even the Givens can't escape the occasional proof text, it seems.) I truly hope many a Mormon reads and embraces the points made in this work. If that happens, the beauty of Mormonism may actually spill over into Mormon culture, which (quite tragically) is all too often a cross to bear rather than something to celebrate.

[Jeff Gasser · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insightful little book that could bring about big change in a struggling believer. The authors have a real gift for speaking reasonably to skeptics about faith positions. The wide net of propositions the authors cast is a virtue but I would have liked to see a little more elaboration on some of their ideas. Still, some really great stuff worth revisiting.

[Lizzie Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible.

Absolutely, absolutely amazing. Perhaps one of the top five most impactful books I've read.

This book is full of doctrine, scripture, teaching from prophets and apostles, thoughts from philosophers and writers, some poetry, and a few really powerful personal anecdotes. The point is to teach a lesson on doubting and candidly talk about the purpose of doubt. Doubt is painful and isolating in a lot of instances, but isn't necessarily the product of a lack of faith. In fact, they go so far as to say that without doubt and uncertainty we simply could not progress in the crucible of life. They talk about how to manage doubt, how to approach it, and how to make sure it isn't incorrectly directed. The Givenses talk about what role the Lord plays in helping one overcome uncertainty and also address the fact that sometimes uncertainty isn't meant to be overcome, but lived through. (See quotes below for more on that)

I knew only pages into this book that it would broaden my perspective on an array of religious topics. I am not someone who has had to deal with doubt in terms of church doctrine but I have had some very difficult questions and concerns about my own future and the plan the Lord has for me. This book has helped me to see things very differently. I am still turning ideas over in my mind and still trying to process what I learned. I would recommend this book to anyone going through a difficult period of uncertainty or doubt. I would recommend this book to anyone with painful questions about doctrine. I would recommend this book to anyone outside of our faith who wants to know a little bit more about how Mormons approach (or try to approach) doubt and faith. I would recommend this book to anyone.

A few quotes from only one of the chapters:

... True religion is inseparable from suffering. It tells us the truth about our condition without flinching, offers no cheap solutions, and conceals none of the costly price. And the price that extracts the most from us is not the final, definitive resolution of the arena or the operating room. It is the fretsome anxiety of the waiting room. "There is no pain so awful as the pain of suspense," said Joseph Smith. That is why we will do almost anything to escape this suspense. We feel unmoored if our religion fails to answer all our questions, if it does not resolve our anxious fears, if it does not tie up all loose ends. We want a script, and we find we stand before a blank canvas. We expect a road map, and we find we have only a compass.

...It is curious, in this regard, that so many critics attribute to religion a kind of facile wish fulfillment, imaginative fairy-tale scenarios that reduce complexity and mystery to easy answers and glib forms of consolation.... Religion is not the coward's way out of life's difficulties.

...In considering the divinely appointed contrast between things that act and things that are acted upon, it may be worth considering that freedom and its opposite take many forms. Freedom to choose belief and a life of faith, freedom to choose one's principles and abide by them, freedom to cherish one set of values over another, those kinds of freedom might best unfold when we are not commanded in all things, by God or by the facts. To be an agent unto oneself may very well require that we operate in the valley of incertitude. It is here that we act most authentically, calling upon intuition, spiritual intimations, or simple yearnings.

Staying the course takes a great effort of will. Relinquishing faith would solve some problems—but would multiply others. For how does one even begin to address the manifold experiences and tender feelings we have known, the powerful ideas and explanations our theology provides, and the visitations of peace and serenity that are balm to broken hearts like our own? Abandoning our faith because it doesn’t answer all the questions would be like closing the shutters because we can’t see the entire mountain. We know in part, Paul said, looking for the flickering flame to give us a glimpse of the way ahead in the gloom. With Nephi, we readily confess: “I know that [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.”30 We know more than we think, even if we know less than we would like.

As for the question of what is or is not revelation, the answer is simple. People just don’t like to hear it. . . . D&C 68:4 says: “And whatsoever they shall speak when moved upon by the Holy Ghost shall be scripture, shall be the will of the Lord, shall be the mind of the Lord, shall be the word of the Lord, shall be the voice of the Lord, and the power of God unto salvation.” There’s your answer and, in terms of simple language, it’s not hard to understand. The problem is that it doesn’t do what people want. What people want is to be absolved of responsibility. They want a formula, a rulebook, or an oracle to which they can defer tough questions. God says: “If you want to know if it’s scripture or not, you’re going to have to have your own connection to the Holy Ghost sufficient to figure that out.” In other words: “The burden is on you.” People say: “That sounds like hard work. Please give us a cheat sheet.” . . . And, when God refuses to give out a cheat sheet, people just invent one. They invent doctrines of prophetic or scriptural inerrancy or sufficiency or infallibility, all of which serve more or less the exact same purpose as the original golden calf: a simulacrum of the divine that doesn’t ask us to do any genuine hard work.15

Surely God is not so fragile, so lacking in empathy, that He would take offense at our incredulity or our anger in the face of the world’s wounds. For our pain is already His. As a theologian who lost his own son wrote, “Through our tears, we see the tears of God.” And believing, as Mormons do, that God is the infinitely suffering God of Enoch, not the “impassive, unresponsive” God “portrayed by the classical theologians,” this writer added a poignant possibility: “It is said of God that no one can behold His face and live. I always thought this meant that no one could behold His splendor and live. . . . Perhaps it meant that no one could see His sorrow and live.”

We are creatures of the moment, so, rather than remember, we reconstruct what once we knew in the light of present uncertainty or loss, which can all too easily overwhelm what we once held as true and real. All too often we forget the gentle impressions we felt, the calm soothing of troubled hearts and minds, or even greater manifestations of divine love.

We all have known our share of broken hearts and silent skies. We pass through our deserts, and we often labor to recall the sweet waters we have tasted along the way. Perhaps, when our faith or our desire to believe is at its lowest ebb, we might consider the meaning of those words, “blessed is he that believeth . . . without being brought to know . . . or even compelled to know, before they will believe.”5 Perhaps these words are telling us there is a type of flower that can bloom only in the desert of doubt.

Faith that we elect to profess in the absence of certainty is an offering that is entirely free, unconditioned, and utterly authentic.

Other Notes:

William Lujipen: “We must consider love as an attitude by means of which certain aspects of reality become visible. The true meaning of the other as other, i.e., the meaning of the other as subject, becomes visible only through love. An attitude of preoccupation with ourselves, with out own desires and interests, precludes our access to the true meaning of the other.” Therefore, love reveals truth. And only when we are focused so fully on the interests and hopes and emotions of someone else can we actually understand them and ourselves… only then can we actually love them.

Phillip Barlow: “My grateful mental state lets in a different view of reality than is otherwise possible. … And when I am thus conscious of my life and the world as a gift, I am less preoccupied with self. My attention focuses elsewhere. I am more alert to other people’s needs and virtues. I find my wonder awakening by just about everything…”- Gratitude also moves us away from focusing on our own pains and failures.

From the book: We crave closure and certainty, wholeness and equilibrium. We want to KNOW what is going to happen, what to expect. We get frustrated when religion does not gives us all the answers… when the scriptures, the prophets, our bishop, a blessing, doesn’t give us exactly what we want or need to hear. But perhaps providing conclusive answers to all our questions is not the point of true religion.

Christ’s teachings challenged those being taught. His words, His counsel, His commands… they were not easy on the ears or on the hearty. He even had some of his own leave him. “Many therefore of his disciples, when they had heard this, said, This is an hard saying; who can hear it? And from that time many of his disciples went back, and walked no more with him. (John 6:60, 66-67) “Living my gospel will create intensely painful choices.” It is to be expected, therefore, that making these decisions will take time, effort, and energy. The right choices are NOT the easy choices always, not even close. Even harder when the task is to choose between two good things. And in the absence of guarantees, sometimes we have to do the hardest thing: put our faith entirely in Christ’s hands. It seems like it should be easy because we do trust Him, we do believe in Him… but without anything to fall back on, without any way of KNOWING what will happen, it can be hard to give it all to Him. In instances like this, the truly faithful, “affirm their faith in Jesus in spite of, not because of, the hardness of the way, the disequilibrium His indecipherable teachings have stirred in their souls. The apostles choose to cling to the belief they have that Jesus is the Christ. But that doesn’t make His teachings easier to bear.”

[Justin Traasdahl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it. What a great book for our times. I will be revisiting this book as I continue to grow my faith. I think every person should read this book, because if you're not going through a faith crisis yourself, someone near and dear to you probably is going through such a crisis.

I just loved that it was a book of truth. It didn't attack the church in any way, it just presented truths and presented things I didn't know. Church is a place of a growth and development and honesty.

Loved, loved, loved the chapters on the use and abuse of scriptures, the role and the function of the church, and find your watering place. But let's be honest, I loved the entire thing.

Loved this quote "Abandoning our faith because it doesn't answer all the questions would be like closing the shutters because we can't see the entire mountain."

Can't recommend enough.

[Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would highly recommend this book to any member at any time. No one writes so comfortably and eloquently on this topic to today's membership better than Givens. It's not a perfect book, but it's good. It's real good.

[Kim Rasband · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wanted to read this book to help me better understand friends and acquaintances who seem to be experiencing crises of faith in their lives. I enjoyed every moment of this thought-provoking book! Brother and Sister Givens have a gift for eloquence and clarity in their writing that I love. There were so many points they made that made me feel like shouting, "yes that's what I think too!" But they say it all so much better than I ever could.

I think one of my favorite takeaways from the book will be the idea that we are creatures meant to live in the past, present and future all at once. That is what makes "remembering" so important to us. And in our individual quests for faith they point out that sometimes the apparent silence of heaven is not a lack of interest or answer on the part of God, but rather a tutorial in the importance of "casting our minds back" to moments of clarity we have known before. That concept is profound to me.

Loved this book and can't say enough good about it. And in the end while it DID help me to understand the struggles of others a little better, it MOSTLY helped to solidify and strengthen my own commitment to faith and the continual process faithful discipleship is for us all. I will look forward to revisiting this one again in the future.

[Erin Isgett · Rating 5 out of 5]

My mother-in-law always gives me a thought-provoking book for my birthday each year, and this was the book I received this year. The authors echoed many of the thoughts I have had myself, and also provided new perspectives to questions I have encountered. As a convert, I had many, many questions before I joined, and while some of them have received answers, there are many still remaining. I love the reminder that as I live out my faith in action, I will be strengthened. This is a book that I will come back to again in the future--I know that different parts will speak to my heart at different moments when I need the encouragement.

[Marsha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book put into words many of my thoughts and feelings in a much more literary (and sometimes too flowery) way than I ever could.

[Amber Spencer · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite book of 2018. I definitely want to reread this one soon. And repeatedly.

[Greg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I presumed this book was of the same ilk as Bridges by David B. Ostler or Planted by Patrick Q. Mason - instruction and encouragement to help those who struggle with their faith, or to help the faithful have greater empathy with those who doubt. It's not. In fact, I can't imagine giving this to someone transitioning, pausing, or discontinuing their faith and thinking it would help. But that's not to say it isn't wonderful.

I love the way the Givens Duo thinks. They make profound connections across a wide landscape of sources. They think more deeply about faith than the rote answers we give and receive in Sunday School, which can be challenging when we want the answers to be simple and unambiguous.

•True religion is a way of life. A church is an institution designed to strengthen people in the exercise of that life. The English historian Thomas Carlisle defined a person's religion as a set of values evident in his or her actions regardless of what the individual would claim to believe when asked.

•In true worship, we approach the divine with a desire to offer treasures and gifts, not seek them.

•A quote from J. Golden Kimball: "There are not Apostles enough in the Church to prevent us from thinking, and they are not disposed to do so; but some people fancy because we have the Presidency and Apostles of the Church they will do the thinking for us. There are men and women so mentally lazy that they hardly think for themselves. To think calls for effort, which makes some men tired and wearies their souls...No man or woman can remain in this Church on borrowed light."

•In 1945, a church magazine urged upon its readers the exact opposite. that "when our leaders speak the thinking has been done." Many are familiar with that expression. Fewer are aware that when President George Albert Smith learned of it, he immediately and indignantly repudiated the statement. He wrote, "Even to imply that members of the Church are not to do their own thinking is grossly to misrepresent the true ideal of the Church."

•Mormons frequently describe priesthood as the authority to act in God's name. But they often fail to plumb the potentially vexing complications of that principle. Authority is the source of delegation. Delegation involves humans. Humans entail error. And error in the context of authority creates conflict and contention.

•From Elder Dallin H. Oaks: "As a general authority, it is my responsibility to preach general principles. When I do, I don't try to define all the exceptions. I only teach the general rules. Whether an exception applies to you is your responsibility. You must work that out individually, between you and the Lord."

•Joseph F. Smith, Hyrum's son, was not yet six when he saw his father's bullet-riddled body as part of that group of mourners. As an adult, Joseph F. would preside over the Church until 1918. His son, Joseph Fielding, who would have heard this account first-hand from his father, served as Assistant Church Historian from 1908 to 1921 and then as Church Historian until 1970. Doubtless, such a past coupled with a lingering sense of injustice and alienation contributed to a protective disposition in Church history writing and archival access.

•Across the decades, some have taken umbrage at Joseph Smith's account that God told him, the creeds of other churches "were an abomination in his sight." Placing this account in context the Givenses make sense of the phrase in ways I'd never considered. God is not calling faithful members of other faiths or their sincere beliefs abominations, which is our modern knee-jerk interpretation. He is speaking specifically to the Westminster Confession, widely accepted by many in Joseph's time and proximity, which taught that God was an impersonal being, inaccessible, and incomprehensible. And wouldn't a loving Heavenly Parent reaching out to wandering children find this doctrine an abomination?

There are many more points in Crucible of Doubt. And the Givenses are excellent and deeply thoughtful apologists (I prefer the term "contextualist"). In faith, we tend to want simple answers and eschew ambiguity. I think the beauty of the thoughts in books like Crucible of Doubt is in learning to embrace ambiguity, relish the human and historical complexity, and redefine what should be simple, and which aspects of faith are truly the most important.

READ IT IF: If you're open to a really good Sunday School lesson in book form.

[Kenny Ahlstrom · Rating 3 out of 5]

I first stumbled upon Terryl and Fiona Givens when I had to listen to a Maxwell Institute podcast featuring them and this book. I was intrigued with what they had to say and the academic language they employed during the interview. Well I finally got around to reading their book. A lot went over my head. Some words, quotes, and poems were just hard for me to understand haha.

But overall I thought it a great read. A lot related to Planted by Patrick Mason. The two work well together.

Thought I wrote as I read:

Chp 2 - the gospel isn’t meant to have all the answers. Christ came here to discomfort. He taught hard and uncomfortable doctrine. The apostles decided to stick it out but that didn’t make them automatically understand. Part of faith is the ambiguity.

Chp9 - instead of explaining our suffering, God shared it.

Suffer with someone. Don’t always need a happy ending. Look at the end of the Book of Mormon! Just sit and participate in pain.

God will sanction an order made in error. Sustain the leaders in their decision. Our first obligation is to our conscious. The conscious can be infallible. There’s a limit to faithful dissent. There’s grey area between the mountain meadow massacre and the wrong person being called as EQP.

Not put our trust in the arm of flesh. Yet our leaders are human. There’s discordance there. Be generous.

You can disagree with church leaders, but cannot make efforts to destroy the church. If the behavior is destructive, then that’s gone past disagreement.

Faith is a choice. Religion is messy. But it’s ultimately good and worth the fight.

[Alisa Anglesey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was hesitant, at first, to read this. Why? When I found out the authors were LDS, and that the book is distributed by an LDS company, AND that it was flying off the shelves faster than it can be kept in stock; my red flags all went up. Not to be misunderstood, I am a member of the LDS faith. But I also tend to steer away from what I consider to be traditional, close-minded writings of LDS authors. I'm not a fan of LDS culture, nor the media that tends to be popular among said group. Nor am I enticed by red-hot fads. In fact, I shy away from anything that is touted as "the latest and greatest" of anything.

That being said (with far too many words). This book is anything but close-minded. I found myself nodding and tearing-up several times as I listened (on CD) to Ms. Givens recount stories and experiences of some of history's most noble souls recounting their "hour of torment." I had a friend who once wisely said, "There is tremendous solace in singing the blues." Somehow, hearing about the struggles of those possessed of a greater faith than I, has given me solace and hope.

This work is so rich, I've decided to read it again. This second time through, I'm finding ideas previously lost though cracks in my concentration. I'm feeling ever more understood and less alone in my struggles for true faith. "Life-changing" would be my ultimate description.

[Amie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, so no, this isn’t going to convince anyone the Church is true (I think such a convincing is impossible, but I digress).

This is apologia in its foundational form, that is defending the IDEA of faith, what it is, what its good for and exploring how our biases, culture, personal logic, and preconceptions can impede our ability to trust in faith itself as valid.

The Givens are obviously well-read, and quote enough varied sources to make me almost want to read some poetry (I struggle with poetry) but do tend to wax wordy and florid at times. But I appreciate their dedication to faithful writings from diverse backgrounds.

I recently decided that if I own the book, and I want to write notes in the margins I’m going to do so dangit. There were many notes and markings in the margins of this one, with the occasional paragraph at the end of a chapter.

[Amara · Rating 5 out of 5]

A loved one was having a bit of a faith crisis, and I remembered this book that I had been meaning to read. I bought it and we both read it. It was helpful for both of us. I really appreciate the perspectives the Givens give on people in other faith traditions all coming towards God based on his love and mercy and personal tutoring for each unique spiritual son or daughter. Sometimes this path may look frightening to us, but he knows all of us better than we know ourselves and each other. This was just so calming for me. It isn't necessary to have all of the answers now. It is not necessary to try to "trick" or "force" someone into faith!!! It is just plain wrong. This resonated so much with me.

[Chad Harrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably one of the best gospel books I've ever read, and makes me annoyed that I've used 5 stars so often in the past. The Givens address so many of the issues that cause concerns for so many members of the church, but they approach each of them in a different way than I expected. They focus primarily on reframing the way we think about things like truth, doubt, faith, etc., in a way that allowed me to calm down a bit, and think a little more healthily about them. Required reading, I think.

[Sherry]

I think I need to read it again. These people are much smarter than I am. I need to look up all the poetry they quoted and find out what most of it meant. I underlined and underlined but think I need to read it again. Great book, interesting thoughts. Lots to ponder.

[Tom Grover · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mormonism is in an undeniable state of flux and transition. This book presents a utilitarian and pragmatic approach to faith within Mormonism that I think will likely become more mainstream over time, although I have to think that if Bruce R. McConkie or Joseph F. Smith were alive to read it, they would be appalled. The book draws upon ideas from within and without Mormonism. It focuses on the efficacy of faith, rather than on literalism itself.

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve had this book on my shelf for years, buried under other books that, for whatever reason, I chose to read before. I’m sad I hadn’t read it sooner. It’s everything my heart has needed. I finally feel peace and permission to be in this lonely place of doubt right now. So maybe I read it right on time. Thank you Terryl and Fiona.

[Shawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

"We have learned to relish a commitment that is born of faith freely chosen rather than of certainty compelled by evidence" - Terryl and Fiona Givens.

In The Crucible of Doubt, the Givens's aim is to articulate appropriate and effective ways to approach one's quest for faith, particularly for those with doubts about the truth claims of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Dispelling false assumptions about Latter-day Saint theology, history, and culture is a start.

Belief is risky, they argue, but a risk worth taking, especially considering the goodness inherent in the doctrines of the Restoration.

Reminiscing can be a powerful tool. "To remember is to rescue the sacred from the vacuum of oblivion...It is useful at such moments of doubt, if we can't exercise faith in God, to exercise faith in ourselves. We can trust that it was a good and trustworthy self that once knew certain things to be true--and may one day again."

We also must not be dependent on the Church to spoon feed us our spirituality. "The challenge, then, and the enticing opportunity, is to find a pattern of devotion and nourishment that extends beyond the confines of a Sunday curriculum, one that constitutes our private life of discipleship. For while the established Church provides a framework of service, an occasion for community, and a vehicle for saving ordinances, it is in the secret chambers of our private temples that we must have ultimate recourse to the inspiration and revelation that guide our discipleship."

A few other choice passages:

"Perhaps providing conclusive answers to all our questions is not the point of true religion" (p.27)

"True religion is inseparable from suffering. It tells us the truth about our condition without flinching, offers no cheap solutions, and conceals none of the costly price." (p.31)

"The doctrines Christ propounded were troubling, challenging, and they apparently produced in that instance more provocation than peace, perhaps more cognitive dissonance than resolution." (p.36)

This is a worthwhile read regardless of where you are on your faith journey.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was like a warm hug from an understanding friend. I’m sure I will re-read and refer back to it often.

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

A treasure.

p. 3 "We are inevitably living under the burden of some paradigms, individually and collectively, that will one day be relics with other conceptual assumptions we have cast off. It is only with hindsight that we can see the paradigms of the past for the intellectual straitjackets they were."

p. 27 "Like children, we adults also want our most pressing questions answered, not multiplied. So it is not surprising that we look to religion, the great comforter, to 'resolve us of all ambiguities' in the words of Dr. Faustus. But perhaps providing conclusive answers to all our questions is not the point of true religion. ... The gospel Christ taught was spectacularly designed to unsettle and disturb, not lull into pleasant serenity. ... incitement, not equilibrium, is part and parcel of true religion."

p. 31 "That is why true religion is inseparable from suffering. It tells us the truth about our condition without flinching, offers no cheap solutions, and conceals none of the costly price. And the price that exacts the most from us is not the final, definitive resolution of the arena or the operating room. It is the fretsome anxiety of the waiting room. ... We feel unmoored if our religion fails to answer all our questions, if it does not resolve our anxious fears, if it does not tie up all loose ends."

p. 33 "If spiritual maturity and not a rote performance is the goal, then life is not a multiple-choice test. There can't be ready answers to the most soul-stretching dilemmas. ... Self-revelation and self-formation take place only in the presence of the seemingly insoluble, the wrenchingly vexing, the genuine question. ... The patterns of meaning only dimly perceived, the inspiration only partially (or negligibly ) felt, may not be God's indifference after all - or our spiritual failing. It may be the most potent form of the question most worth posing: What will you do now?"

Quoting Voltaire "To believe in God is impossible; but not to believe is absurd."

p. 39 "True religion is a way of life; a church is an institution designed to strengthen people in the exercise of that life. The English historian Thomas Carlyle defined a person's religion as the set of values evident in his or her actions, regardless of what the individual would claim to believe when asked."

p. 56 "Disciples might do well to avoid the bibliolatry that characterizes the scripture as unerring truth. Parley Pratt made this point himself ... he noted that scripture resulted from revelatory process and was thus the product of revealed truth, not the other way around. We do well to look to a stream for nourishing water, but we do better to secure the fountain. ... Biblical inconsistencies, common sense, the Book of Mormon's own words, and Joseph Smith's remarks on the subject make it difficult for Mormons to be strict scriptural literalists. The reason for scriptural imperfection should be obvious: scripture comes to us through human conduits."

p. 65 "Some believe God could, and should, do better. Surely God could find more saintly vessels to carry out Hist work, they suppose. Many of our expectations about human institutions are so predicated on meritocracy that we are sure God must operate the same way. ... It is helpful to remember that it is more important for disciples to be motivated than to be awestruck. ... There is a reason why every man and woman may hold leadership positions: a lay church drives home the point that all are equally members of the body of Christ, that all should have equal access to spiritual gifts and heavenly powers. ... A second reason for God's choice of fallible leaders is simply this: He has no other kind. The most holy of men and women have their feet of clay. ... Which leads us to the third reason God employs flawed vessels: to help redirect our attention in the right direction."

p. 67 "The notion that modern-day prophets are infallible specimens of virtue and perfection is neither scriptural nor reasonable. They are simply ordinary women and men who have accepted the call and are striving to return Home, as we all are. Equally unreasonable is a view of published revelation as infallible, unerring transmission of the Divine voice."

p. 70 "Airbrushing our leaders, past or present, is both a wrenching of the scriptural record and a form of idolatry. It generates an inaccurate paradigm that creates false expectations and disappointment. God specifically said that He called weak vessels so we wouldn't place our faith in their strength or power, but in God's. The prophetic mantle represents priesthood keys, not a level of holiness or infallibility."

p. 74 "Knowing in theory that even those in authority over us will succumb to the same flaws and weaknesses under which we also labor does little to mitigate the pain when we suffer from poor judgment or downright unrighteousness. Teachings that seem to bear the stamp of divine authority and are later declared to be in error are even more challenging to faith."

Quoting Elder Oaks "As a General Authority, it is my responsibility to preach general principles. When I do, I don't try to define all the exceptions ... I only teach the general rules. Whether an exception applies to you is your responsibility. You must work that out individually between you and the Lord."

Quoting Elder Holland "Imperfect people are all God has ever had to work with. That must be terribly frustrating to Him, but He deals with it. So should we."

p. 91 "If Mormons exude a sense of having a monopoly on an understanding of eternal things, or condemn the Dark Ages as being devoid of light and truth, they do so in ignorance of, not in conformity with, the work of Joseph and his associates. True, it was for Joseph to restore the knowledge of the saving and sealing ordinances, and to receive the priesthood keys to perform them. But Joseph also knew that, like the ruins of an ancient temple, 'in broken fragments scattered, rent, and disjointed,' beautiful remnants of the original church lay all about them, as 'scattered fragments of Mormonism.'"

p. 98 "The catch with overprescribing is the dependency it creates. In the spiritual realm, it is easy for Mormons to grow accustomed to viewing their weekly meeetings not just as opportunities to serve and renew covenants but as their primary sources of spiritual nourishment. But as both Robert Frost and the author of Proverbs knew, spiritual strength requires finding one's own well from which to drink. We should recognize, first, that we are responsible for our own spiritual diet, and second, that sources of inspiration are sprinkled indiscriminately throughout time and place. Mormons should feel empowered and inspired to fill our own wells with nourishing waters."

p. 112 "Depriving the human family of agency and accountability could only have been tempting if the alternatives were unthinkably terrible. The most reasonable explanation of heavenly division was not over some vague risk of failure that we bravely accepted while others cravenly retreated. More likely, as Beecher argued, was the very real, vivid, inevitable pageant of warfare, genocide, infant mortality, an almost universal anguish for sin and personal bereavement that, once unfolded to our eyes in celestial councils, threatened to derail the entire plan, drawing away a third of the heavenly hosts."

p. 116 "Remembering can be the highest from of devotion. To remember is to rescue the sacred from the vacuum of oblivion. To remember Christ's sacrifice every Sunday at the sacrament table is to say 'no' to the ravages of time - to refuse to allow his supernal sacrifice to be just another datum in the catalogue of what is past. To remember past blessings is to give continuing recognition of the gift and to reconfirm the relationship to the Giver as one that persists in the here and now."

p. 117 "It may be for this reason that the heavens close from time to time, to give us room for self-direction. 'This is the place where every man commences to acquire the germ of the independence that is enjoyed in the heavens,' Young said. ... One can see the Lord gently tutoring us to replace immediacy with memory in section 6 of the Doctrine & Covenants."

Quoting CS Lewis "Sooner or later [God] withdraws, if not in fact, at least from their conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs. ... It is during such trough periods, much more than during the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be."

p. 138 "Some of us, in other words, are called to live lives of commitment and devotion while dwelling in the realms of belief alone, or harboring the earnest desire to believe. In the perpetual absence of certainty, one may still choose to embrace, and live by, a set of propositions that are aesthetically, morally, and rationally appealing. Even in the absence of certainty, a commitment to the weeping God of Enoch and the gospel of His Son seems a devotion that carries its own intrinsic worth."

p. 144 "Faith that we elect to profess in the absence of certainty is an offering that is entirely free, unconditioned, and utterly authentic. Such a gesture represents our considered and chosen response to the universe, our assent to what we find beautiful and worthy and deserving of our risk. We have learned to relish a commitment that is born of faith freely chosen rather than of certainty compelled by evidence."

[Vicki Matheson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one I plan on adding to my personal library. It was beautifully written and I loved the perspectives it explored on the subjects of the quest for faith, how to approach hard questions, human frailties and faults, the different aspects of discipleship, and how all of those things play together. Highly recommend.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this twice in late spring 2018 when I was deciding whether or not to finally give up on the Mormon church after > 30 years of active membership that included a mission, two degrees from Brigham Young University, about $500,000 in cash donations, and 1000s of volunteer hours. Going back to age 12 or so, I was never comfortable with church, but generally thought that was MY problem, not the church's.

The inhumanity of anti-gay policies and overtly right-wing fascist politics, hypocrisies of church leaders, hoarding hundreds of billions in wealth as people starve and perish from preventable disease, the glib consolations of the self-righteous, literal interpretations of everything in scripture EXCEPT the bits that resonate the most with my humanist heart - love thy neighbor, give all to the poor, turn the other cheek, etc. etc. I finally had to recognize that the society in which I had grown up was full of shit, generally. Although there were loads of really nice people, many of whom were/are also struggling with the inconsistencies, I had to stop.

Anyway, the Givenses have written a damn good short book here. Even though they write as true believers, they recognize that there are large gaps, stupidities, waste, hypocrisies, abject failures, and ugliness (i.e. humanity) wrapped in it all. I read this as a philosophy that recognizes the validity, even the necessity, of (significant) deviations from "doctrine" as one works through this thing called life.

Appreciated the extensive references to Coventry Patmore, Julian of Norwich, Edward Beecher, and others with whom I was unfamiliar.

A few of the more interesting bits:

pp. 46: God is god (if there is god) by virtue of the perfection of the relationships god has founded and preserved - not simply because of godly attributes. Whether or not one believes in god, relationships are really what it's all about. Interactions, expressions of love, shared purpose, mutual commitments - all forged with actions born of fondness and friendship, not simply moral reflection.

pp. 55: Terrible mistake to take scripture literally or as unerring truth. None of it is, implicitly or explicitly, direct dictation from god. All "scripture" bears strong human traces - all filtered through human minds, cultural environments, and the idiom of language.

pp. 91: "JS's view is one of the most generous, liberal, and universalist conceptions of salvation in all Christendom." Albeit perhaps not for women, or gay people, or anyone with a bit of tint in their skin.

pp. 139: "Do we love what is true, what is good, what is beautiful, more than we fear the possible error our embrace of these things risks? The vulnerability to which we expose ourselves in love is to a large degree the measure of that love."

"We relish a commitment born of faith freely chosen rather than of certainty compelled by evidence."

Interesting correlation between Richard Dawkins' speculation on how god (if there is a god or gods) may have come to be, and JS's statement on the same: "God indeed can't have just happened... they must be the end product of slow incremental processes. If there are beings in the universe that we would treat as gods, if we met them,... they very likely may be so much more advanced than us that we would worship them." And JS: "...all intelligences progress, going from a small capacity to a great capacity, from a small degree to another, from grace to grace."

[R · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much of this book spoke to me. I am very glad that I read it at this time when I have been struggling with cognitive dissonance and things that are difficult to understand or make sense of. We often times treat disciples who are struggling with difficult things as if they are lacking faith or lacking obedience, but in reality sometimes it is because the things we are struggling with are actually difficult, don’t make sense, and/or don’t ring true to our spirit. I feel like some of the difficulty is due to basing questions off of faulty assumptions-assumptions or church teachings/culture we have developed that are incorrect or counter to many of the early teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith, other early prophets, or Jesus Himself. I love the quotes from prophets about their great worry that members would hero worship, blindly accept everything a prophet said, and abdicate their own responsibility for doing the work for their own spirituality. All prophets and all scripture admit they are not inerrant and task each individual with the responsibility of receiving their own personal revelation and confirmation of whether what the prophets said or taught was from God. In our day we also say that our leaders are not infallible, but then we really don’t allow for that reality. We treat members who question things that don’t make sense, don’t feel right, or don’t have good fruits like they don’t have enough faith, but like the author says, questions are what brings about revelation and what deepen faith and understanding. Elder Oaks taught that prophets teach general principles and it’s up to the individual to receive revelation about their own personal circumstances and whether it looks different to the general principle, and yet we often judge each other unrighteously and disallow for the possibility of personal revelation if it looks different. I loved so many things about this book. I feel like it is a much needed and extremely valuable shift in understanding and perspective that aligns better with my feeling about and understanding of Heavenly Parents, Jesus Christ, and Their expansive, loving, and compassionate plan of salvation. I believe in the early teachings of the prophets about eternal progression expressed in this book: that our Heavenly Parents’ love is expansive and They have planned for and will exalt every one of Their children who chooses it, no matter how long it takes.

[Anneliese · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really really loved this book! It articulated some tricky things very nicely for me. I read the Givens' other book, The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life, which I also really liked, but this book is so much more readable. It works a chapter at a time and doesn't require the same level of academic concentration! And the topic is so direct and timely. I think this is a great book for understanding how it's possible to have faith with a few open ended issues, how believing is a choice, and how it's also a struggle--that it's not meant to be easy. I love their broad use of sources--it's so great to have a bibliography of wonderful literary authors, poets, philosophers and holy men and women. The POV put forward in this book provides many opportunities for non-believers to participate in a community of faith as well. I thought it was a very positive, fascinating read.