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Cycle Breakers: Free Yourself from Emotionally Immature Parents and Be the Parent You Wish You'd Had
Learn to set boundaries with a toxic parent, heal your inner child, and bring confidence into a new—healthier—version of parenting.
Cycle Breakers is a personal yet relatable journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth. Part memoir and part manual, popular UK empowerment coach Harriet Shearsmith dives into the complexities of parent-child relationships, revealing how to safely and effectively challenge emotionally immature parents, redefine your identity, and create a new narrative for yourself and your family. Here, Shearsmith beautifully melds psychological insight with practical tools for how to navigate estrangement and dysfunctional family dynamics in a digital age where protecting your peace is harder than ever. Inside you will
Relatable insights: Through candid storytelling, the author shares how to navigate complicated dynamics and transcend painful family history. Actionable guidance: Includes exercises and reflections to help you recognize unhealthy patterns and build a life aligned with your values. Empowering strategies: Learn practical tools to set boundaries, foster self-worth, and cultivate healthier relationships. A hopeful Discover how to let go of guilt, embrace self-compassion, and move forward with confidence into your own journey of parenting. * This audiobook edition includes a downloadable PDF containing visuals and resources from the book.
PLEASE When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
Cycle Breakers is a personal yet relatable journey of self-discovery, healing, and growth. Part memoir and part manual, popular UK empowerment coach Harriet Shearsmith dives into the complexities of parent-child relationships, revealing how to safely and effectively challenge emotionally immature parents, redefine your identity, and create a new narrative for yourself and your family. Here, Shearsmith beautifully melds psychological insight with practical tools for how to navigate estrangement and dysfunctional family dynamics in a digital age where protecting your peace is harder than ever. Inside you will
Relatable insights: Through candid storytelling, the author shares how to navigate complicated dynamics and transcend painful family history. Actionable guidance: Includes exercises and reflections to help you recognize unhealthy patterns and build a life aligned with your values. Empowering strategies: Learn practical tools to set boundaries, foster self-worth, and cultivate healthier relationships. A hopeful Discover how to let go of guilt, embrace self-compassion, and move forward with confidence into your own journey of parenting. * This audiobook edition includes a downloadable PDF containing visuals and resources from the book.
PLEASE When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.
Audible Audio
Published July 15, 2025
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
June 1, 2025
This was a very informative book and I actually felt that learned a lot about myself as I read through it. This is great read for anyone looking to parent differently than you were parented, work on yourself, and break the toxic cycles/dysfunctional family dynamics that may have been passed down through multiple generations in your family. Thank you to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the ARC in return for my honest review.
May 24, 2025
4.25⭐️
I really liked the book. I found it super helpful now, and will be throughout the different stages of parenting. It works on healing your inner child trauma as well as how you can parent differently than how you were parented.
The book started off more focused on cutting off (or low contact) the toxic family member(s) and then progressed into how to parent with past trauma and break the cycle of generational trauma.
The stigma about needing to forgive family from major trauma because “it’s family” is actually crazy and that’s always been something I don’t quite understand but also struggle with. If you talk to people about your issues, a lot of the time people will say “well it’s your _____”. The quote that stood out to me the most was “no one is entitled to you because they are titled to you.”
I was nervous to read a self help book like this because I am no where near ready to work on forgiveness but I want to work on me and I was scared it was going to push forgiveness but it didn’t at all. It actually mentions that most self help books preach the importance of forgiveness no matter how vile or traumatic the experiences have been but that you don’t have to forgive to heal and it can be detrimental for your own healing to force something you don’t feel.
The other factor that I really liked about it was that it focused on what to do with your children now while also trying to heal your own inner child. She walks you through workshops through the whole book and helps with how to explain everything to them when they start asking about your childhood, when it’s ok to say no, and how to express the no/low contact with grandparents or other family members.
A book like this is heavy, it’s so hard to look into past traumas and why you are the way you are because of it, I absolutely cried at times but it always feels so much lighter by the end.
I felt like some parts were for bigger kids (I have two toddlers) so some felt like it was maybe more advanced for their little learning brains but I love that I can go back to the book for when they are older.
There is a resources section at the end with so many and different styles between books, podcasts, social media accounts, charities and online support. It genuinely feels like the author (Harriet Shearsmith) is trying to help you throughout the whole book.
Thank you NetGalley and Zeitgeist for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
I really liked the book. I found it super helpful now, and will be throughout the different stages of parenting. It works on healing your inner child trauma as well as how you can parent differently than how you were parented.
The book started off more focused on cutting off (or low contact) the toxic family member(s) and then progressed into how to parent with past trauma and break the cycle of generational trauma.
The stigma about needing to forgive family from major trauma because “it’s family” is actually crazy and that’s always been something I don’t quite understand but also struggle with. If you talk to people about your issues, a lot of the time people will say “well it’s your _____”. The quote that stood out to me the most was “no one is entitled to you because they are titled to you.”
I was nervous to read a self help book like this because I am no where near ready to work on forgiveness but I want to work on me and I was scared it was going to push forgiveness but it didn’t at all. It actually mentions that most self help books preach the importance of forgiveness no matter how vile or traumatic the experiences have been but that you don’t have to forgive to heal and it can be detrimental for your own healing to force something you don’t feel.
The other factor that I really liked about it was that it focused on what to do with your children now while also trying to heal your own inner child. She walks you through workshops through the whole book and helps with how to explain everything to them when they start asking about your childhood, when it’s ok to say no, and how to express the no/low contact with grandparents or other family members.
A book like this is heavy, it’s so hard to look into past traumas and why you are the way you are because of it, I absolutely cried at times but it always feels so much lighter by the end.
I felt like some parts were for bigger kids (I have two toddlers) so some felt like it was maybe more advanced for their little learning brains but I love that I can go back to the book for when they are older.
There is a resources section at the end with so many and different styles between books, podcasts, social media accounts, charities and online support. It genuinely feels like the author (Harriet Shearsmith) is trying to help you throughout the whole book.
Thank you NetGalley and Zeitgeist for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.
August 21, 2025
Thank you to Zeitgeist and Netgalley for an advanced copy of this book.
I think this book is a great starting off point to recognize the trauma you experienced from toxic parents. I appreciated how detailed the beginning sections were that explained the different types of trauma and abuse children can face from their parents that fits under the umbrella of emotional abuse. I found myself relating to many of the scenarios and being able to name my experiences for the first time. I also appreciated seeing the section that defends going no-contact with parents if needed — to often, people are judged and shamed for going no-contact, even by professionals.
I think that after reading this book, you would then move on to find a therapist or a more detailed/in-depth book that can help you work through these issues. This book felt more like the ‘identifying’ stage, not the ‘take action’ stage. It didn’t seem to have many research-backed examples of how to heal after discovering this trauma.
While I am not currently a parent and do not plan to become a parent, I think that this book was still relatable to me. I would definitely change the parenting advice to just ‘dealing with any child’ advice. You don’t have to be a parent to negatively impact children’s lives and I think everyone would benefit from reading this so that they can figure out to begin the healing process so that they don’t negatively affect the lives of the children in their lives, even if they are not the parent.
I think this book is a great starting off point to recognize the trauma you experienced from toxic parents. I appreciated how detailed the beginning sections were that explained the different types of trauma and abuse children can face from their parents that fits under the umbrella of emotional abuse. I found myself relating to many of the scenarios and being able to name my experiences for the first time. I also appreciated seeing the section that defends going no-contact with parents if needed — to often, people are judged and shamed for going no-contact, even by professionals.
I think that after reading this book, you would then move on to find a therapist or a more detailed/in-depth book that can help you work through these issues. This book felt more like the ‘identifying’ stage, not the ‘take action’ stage. It didn’t seem to have many research-backed examples of how to heal after discovering this trauma.
While I am not currently a parent and do not plan to become a parent, I think that this book was still relatable to me. I would definitely change the parenting advice to just ‘dealing with any child’ advice. You don’t have to be a parent to negatively impact children’s lives and I think everyone would benefit from reading this so that they can figure out to begin the healing process so that they don’t negatively affect the lives of the children in their lives, even if they are not the parent.
July 26, 2025
I think this book is good as a starting point for someone who is beginning to realize their relationship with their parent is unhealthy, and they’ve never been exposed to any other resources for coping.
However, it borrows a lot of information from other popular works like Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and The Body Keeps Score and at one point references TikTok. Most of the material is strongly anecdotal, majority from the author’s own experience or from her work as a coach/therapist trainee. The reassurance of “that’s OK” to feel a certain way about your relationship with your parents personally did not provide much added value for me. I think what I was looking for is a more substantiated outlook or a different perspective from choosing to be a cycle breaker but I didn’t find much that is new here.
I think this guide could be improved by having more scientific, research based references or from providing a different perspective from those who still try to maintain contact with their unhealthy parents (from the perspective of providing a different outcome).
Special thanks to Zeitgeist and NetGalley for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest, independent review.
However, it borrows a lot of information from other popular works like Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents and The Body Keeps Score and at one point references TikTok. Most of the material is strongly anecdotal, majority from the author’s own experience or from her work as a coach/therapist trainee. The reassurance of “that’s OK” to feel a certain way about your relationship with your parents personally did not provide much added value for me. I think what I was looking for is a more substantiated outlook or a different perspective from choosing to be a cycle breaker but I didn’t find much that is new here.
I think this guide could be improved by having more scientific, research based references or from providing a different perspective from those who still try to maintain contact with their unhealthy parents (from the perspective of providing a different outcome).
Special thanks to Zeitgeist and NetGalley for providing an eARC in exchange for an honest, independent review.
May 11, 2025
Book Review: Cycle Breakers: Free Yourself from Emotionally Immature Parents and Be the Parent You Wish You’d Had by Harriet Shearsmith
Rating: ★★★★☆ (4.5/5)
Overview
Harriet Shearsmith’s Cycle Breakers is a powerful and compassionate guide for adults seeking to heal from the wounds of emotionally immature parenting while breaking generational cycles to foster healthier relationships with their own children. Blending psychological insight, personal narrative, and practical strategies, Shearsmith—a parenting coach and advocate for emotional well-being—creates a roadmap for readers to reclaim their autonomy, reparent themselves, and cultivate secure attachments with their children.
Strengths
Clear Psychological Framework
The book effectively synthesizes concepts from attachment theory, trauma-informed parenting, and inner child work into an accessible framework. Shearsmith demystifies complex psychological ideas, making them relatable for readers without clinical backgrounds.
Actionable Strategies for Healing
Unlike many self-help books that focus solely on awareness, Cycle Breakers provides concrete exercises, reflection prompts, and boundary-setting techniques. The “reparenting” toolkit is particularly valuable for readers actively working to change ingrained patterns.
Balanced Tone of Empathy and Empowerment
Shearsmith avoids blame or victimization, instead emphasizing agency and growth. Her writing is validating yet challenging—acknowledging the pain of dysfunctional upbringings while encouraging readers to take responsibility for their own healing.
Intergenerational Perspective
The book excels in connecting past experiences to present parenting behaviors. Case studies (disguised for privacy) illustrate how emotional immaturity manifests across generations, helping readers identify and disrupt these cycles.
Weaknesses
Limited Discussion of Sociocultural Factors
While the psychological focus is robust, the book occasionally overlooks how race, class, or systemic trauma might intersect with emotionally immature parenting. A broader contextual lens could strengthen its applicability for diverse readers.
Assumes Some Prior Self-Awareness
Readers in the earliest stages of recognizing their parents’ emotional immaturity might need supplemental resources to fully engage with the book’s exercises.
Repetitive in Sections
Core concepts are occasionally reiterated excessively, which may dilute their impact for some readers.
Comparative Value
Compared to classics like Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (Gibson), Cycle Breakers stands out for its forward-looking focus—not just on healing the self but on actively reshaping parenting practices. It bridges the gap between therapeutic recovery and hands-on parenting guidance.
Conclusion
Cycle Breakers is a transformative resource for anyone determined to end generational dysfunction. Shearsmith’s blend of expertise and empathy makes this book both a mirror and a compass—helping readers see their past clearly while charting a new path forward.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and Harriet Shearsmith for providing a review copy. This book is a gift to parents striving to turn pain into purpose—and to their children, who will inherit the gift of emotional security.
Final Verdict
★★★★☆ (4.5/5)—An essential read for breaking free from the past and nurturing the next generation with intention.
Note: Pair with The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (Perry) for complementary perspectives on conscious parenting.
Rating: ★★★★☆ (4.5/5)
Overview
Harriet Shearsmith’s Cycle Breakers is a powerful and compassionate guide for adults seeking to heal from the wounds of emotionally immature parenting while breaking generational cycles to foster healthier relationships with their own children. Blending psychological insight, personal narrative, and practical strategies, Shearsmith—a parenting coach and advocate for emotional well-being—creates a roadmap for readers to reclaim their autonomy, reparent themselves, and cultivate secure attachments with their children.
Strengths
Clear Psychological Framework
The book effectively synthesizes concepts from attachment theory, trauma-informed parenting, and inner child work into an accessible framework. Shearsmith demystifies complex psychological ideas, making them relatable for readers without clinical backgrounds.
Actionable Strategies for Healing
Unlike many self-help books that focus solely on awareness, Cycle Breakers provides concrete exercises, reflection prompts, and boundary-setting techniques. The “reparenting” toolkit is particularly valuable for readers actively working to change ingrained patterns.
Balanced Tone of Empathy and Empowerment
Shearsmith avoids blame or victimization, instead emphasizing agency and growth. Her writing is validating yet challenging—acknowledging the pain of dysfunctional upbringings while encouraging readers to take responsibility for their own healing.
Intergenerational Perspective
The book excels in connecting past experiences to present parenting behaviors. Case studies (disguised for privacy) illustrate how emotional immaturity manifests across generations, helping readers identify and disrupt these cycles.
Weaknesses
Limited Discussion of Sociocultural Factors
While the psychological focus is robust, the book occasionally overlooks how race, class, or systemic trauma might intersect with emotionally immature parenting. A broader contextual lens could strengthen its applicability for diverse readers.
Assumes Some Prior Self-Awareness
Readers in the earliest stages of recognizing their parents’ emotional immaturity might need supplemental resources to fully engage with the book’s exercises.
Repetitive in Sections
Core concepts are occasionally reiterated excessively, which may dilute their impact for some readers.
Comparative Value
Compared to classics like Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (Gibson), Cycle Breakers stands out for its forward-looking focus—not just on healing the self but on actively reshaping parenting practices. It bridges the gap between therapeutic recovery and hands-on parenting guidance.
Conclusion
Cycle Breakers is a transformative resource for anyone determined to end generational dysfunction. Shearsmith’s blend of expertise and empathy makes this book both a mirror and a compass—helping readers see their past clearly while charting a new path forward.
Acknowledgments
Thank you to NetGalley, the publisher, and Harriet Shearsmith for providing a review copy. This book is a gift to parents striving to turn pain into purpose—and to their children, who will inherit the gift of emotional security.
Final Verdict
★★★★☆ (4.5/5)—An essential read for breaking free from the past and nurturing the next generation with intention.
Note: Pair with The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (Perry) for complementary perspectives on conscious parenting.
June 4, 2025
A compassionate, actionable guide for anyone ready to stop repeating the past and start parenting with intention.
In Cycle Breakers, Harriet Shearsmith blends personal experience with trauma-informed tools to help readers navigate emotionally immature parents, set boundaries without guilt, and raise their own children with empathy and clarity. With journal prompts, reparenting exercises, and firm validation that healing doesn’t require forced forgiveness, this is the kind of book that feels like both a balm and a blueprint.
Part memoir, part manual, Cycle Breakers stands out for its dual focus on healing the inner child while reshaping how we parent. It’s a powerful resource for readers confronting generational dysfunction and choosing a better way forward—for themselves, and for the children they love.
Thank you to Zeitgeist and Harriet Shearsmith for the eARC.
In Cycle Breakers, Harriet Shearsmith blends personal experience with trauma-informed tools to help readers navigate emotionally immature parents, set boundaries without guilt, and raise their own children with empathy and clarity. With journal prompts, reparenting exercises, and firm validation that healing doesn’t require forced forgiveness, this is the kind of book that feels like both a balm and a blueprint.
Part memoir, part manual, Cycle Breakers stands out for its dual focus on healing the inner child while reshaping how we parent. It’s a powerful resource for readers confronting generational dysfunction and choosing a better way forward—for themselves, and for the children they love.
Thank you to Zeitgeist and Harriet Shearsmith for the eARC.
June 6, 2025
I received a free copy of this book for review purposes from Penguin Random House. I'm not a parent, nor do I want children. However, I wanted to read this to see if a non-parent could gain anything from it. I'm happy to report that you definitely can! Those of us who grew up with an emotionally immature parent have to reparent ourselves to be better people. That's a universal truth. So, the tips and strategies included in this book are great for anyone trying to recover from a less than perfect childhood.
June 29, 2025
This was a wonderful book for anyone estranged/no contact with their toxic/abusive family of origin, either for reparenting or for parenting or considering parenting children. I can't recommend it highly enough, the author is clearly trauma-informed and writes with compassion and empathy. Highly recommended.
May 10, 2025
Thank you to Net Galley for the eArc of this title.
This is a great book and resource for anyone starting on a healing journey from emotional immature parent, narcisitic parents, parentification, or parental estrangement. Shearsmith perfectly describes experiences that are hard to put into words. She also includes journal prompts that can help any reader who is willing to start thinking about the impact of their own parents have on who they have become an how the may parent currently or in the future. The information about how to parent differently, as well as her kind and honest tone, put you at ease and help you feel heard.
Highly recommended!
This is a great book and resource for anyone starting on a healing journey from emotional immature parent, narcisitic parents, parentification, or parental estrangement. Shearsmith perfectly describes experiences that are hard to put into words. She also includes journal prompts that can help any reader who is willing to start thinking about the impact of their own parents have on who they have become an how the may parent currently or in the future. The information about how to parent differently, as well as her kind and honest tone, put you at ease and help you feel heard.
Highly recommended!
Currently reading
May 30, 2025I received a NetGalley widget from Portia & Ariel at the Zeitgeist Insiders Club.
July 10, 2025
Cycle Breakers by Harriet Shearsmith does a great job of explaining boundaries and how to use them, especially when interacting with family members or anyone who inquires about your family relationships. It explains how to maintain low or no contact with family. The book ends with tips on how to find yourself without being defined by your family.
I thought this book was a great read. It's easy to understand, as it doesn't use a lot of jargon and is written in an empathetic way. The author shares good examples from her life. People who have been judged for not being close to their parents will find solace in this book. I also appreciated how she discussed how parents often feel entitled. She explains the WHY parents might feel that way.
This book could be a great help for those dealing with generational trauma and wanting to break the cycle of trauma.
Thanks, Zeitgeist (@zeitgeistpublishing), for the complimentary review copy.
I thought this book was a great read. It's easy to understand, as it doesn't use a lot of jargon and is written in an empathetic way. The author shares good examples from her life. People who have been judged for not being close to their parents will find solace in this book. I also appreciated how she discussed how parents often feel entitled. She explains the WHY parents might feel that way.
This book could be a great help for those dealing with generational trauma and wanting to break the cycle of trauma.
Thanks, Zeitgeist (@zeitgeistpublishing), for the complimentary review copy.
August 11, 2025
I found myself highlighting a lot while reading this book, even though I am currently not a parent. I am, however, on my own healing journey. I have read other books about having emotional immature parents, but I found this one to be more in depth. The exercises are also a great tool to have at hand. I wouldn't consider this a fun book by any means - books categorized as 'self-help' rarely are - but it was nice to feel seen, in a way, in something that is still rarely talked about. While I think this would be a beneficial book to anyone looking to be more introspective or to learn more about family dynamics they may not have experienced themselves, I would highly recommend this to anyone who has either realized their parents were emotionally immature or who has had the realization forced upon them by a therapist, whether they're parents or not. I do think parents would absolutely benefit from this a lot as well, and if I have children, I will come back to this book for sure.
Thanks so much to NetGalley, the author, Penguin Random House, and Zeitgeist Insiders for giving me my first ARC to review!
#CycleBreakers #NetGalley #Zeitgeist
Thanks so much to NetGalley, the author, Penguin Random House, and Zeitgeist Insiders for giving me my first ARC to review!
#CycleBreakers #NetGalley #Zeitgeist
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews