I'm Still Here

by Kathryn R. Biel

I thought I’d come to terms with my past. Toxic parents, an unstructured childhood, and my twin sister’s suicide are all in my rearview mirror. I’ve moved on and am doing positive work in the world as a social worker, trying to intervene for others where we’d so desperately needed the help growing up.I’m even dating a hot doctor. I mean, I met him because my car was t-boned, but I’m always one to look on the bright side. With a past like mine, it’s how I cope.

But the one thing that looking on the bright side can’t change is the fact that I keep hearing Aster’s voice. I’d recognize it anywhere, even though it’s been seven years. Am I starting to lose it, just like she did?

My life is finally coming together, just in time for strained family dynamics to rip it all apart again. One of these days, I’m going to learn when I’m truly loved, I’ll always have my voice.

Genres: Fiction, Drama, Romance, Chick Lit, Ebooks, Womens Fiction, Contemporary Romance

301 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 28, 2014

About the author

Kathryn R. Biel writes low-to-no spice contemporary romance, rom-com, sports romance, and women’s fiction full of humor, heart, and happily-ever-afters. Her books balance the drama and challenges of real life with witty banter, strong heroines, and swoony cinnamon-roll heroes. Whether she’s writing laugh-out-loud romantic comedies, emotional women’s fiction, or heartfelt sports romances, Kathryn delivers stories where resilience, love, and laughter take center stage.


Kathryn is the author of more than 20 books, including the award-winning Live for This, Made for Me, and The UnBRCAble Women Series (Ready for Whatever, Seize the Day, and Underneath It All).

Reviews

[Kindle Ninja · Rating 5 out of 5]

Let me start with a warning: Author Kathryn Biel pushes you into the abyss of mental illness and gives you Ho-Hos and Fritos to break your fall.

It’s dark. It’s disturbing. It’s depressing.

But it’s also hysterical and uproariously funny.

If that doesn’t mess with your mind, I don’t know what will.

The Comely clan is so dysfunctional, they make the Bluths and the Tenenbaums look so boringly normal.

Esther Comely-Cox is quirky in a charming sort of way, but can also be totally unpredictable and can exhibit a combustible personality when provoked. But she is completely disarming. How can a hopelessly flawed character be so likeable?

This is a story that touches on the serious issue of mental illness. And when it is correlated with dysfunctionality and parental neglect, it can become downright unsettling. But the author has injected a healthy dose of wit and humor to make things bearable. The narrative is peppered with funny pop culture references that elicit chuckles even if they are repeated in subsequent chapters.

The story is not perfect. Sure, there are some situations that needed more explaining, but your mind would have already been too messed up to worry about that.

The ending is realistic. Had it gone the other way, it would have ruined the massive build-up.

Buckle up. This is one crazy ride.

[Myrn🩶 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some mystery, a swoon-worthy hero, and sad family drama make I'm Still Here an interesting read.

[Becky Monson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whew! Where do I begin? This book was so amazingly good. It touched on subjects that I had no experience in, yet I found myself still relating and identifying with Esther. The ability for Ms. Biel to write about topics that are heavy, but yet interject laugh-out-loud moments is a sign of true talent to me. The twists and turns in this book are truly unpredictable, and Esther's growth as a person throughout the story is remarkable.

It's a book about being lost and then found, about the choices we make and how they affect the people around us, and the true meaning of the word "family" isn't always what we expect it to be.

I can't recommend enough. Another great book from Kathryn Biel!

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd be interested in knowing how old the author was when she wrote this book. The plot was well-developed, the characters were also pretty-well fleshed out, and the writing style was smooth in some respects; however, the language use was very juvenile-sounding in places and there were significant and numerous grammar and structural errors that should have been edited out. She used wrong-case pronouns and wrong-tense verbs repeatedly, and misplaced modifiers contributed to several awkward sentence structures. The book was also very repetitive - the viewpoint character moaned and groaned over and over (and OVER) about her unsupportive family and how alone she was. The point was made ad nauseum. Overall, however, this novel was more interesting than most self-published ebooks.

[Celia Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having read Jump, Jive and Wail, I picked up this book knowing I was a huge fan of Ms. Biels - my fandom has now reached epic proportions! I'm Still Here is an honest and candid glimpse into the life of a dysfunctional family and the lifelong challenges one faces when raised in an environment where love is conditional and people are selfish and helpless at the same time.

Esther Comely-Cox is a twin, and the youngest child of alternative lifestyle parents, who make hippies look like they have their shit pulled together. Esther is used to comparing herself to the more attractive and talented version of herself, her twin, Aster. As life unfolds it turns out that Esther becomes Asters caretaker when her quirky behavior burgeons into a mental disorder - and her pot smoking, commune living, parents are too self involved to pay attention.

One night, Aster disappears and forever changes the lives of her family. The fragile threads that knit them together unravel, and Esther is abandoned by those who should understand better than anyone else what it would mean to lose your twin. Alone in the world, Esther forges her own path, often feeling lonely, inept, and awkward. In a turn of comedic events, Esther meets two charming men, who will go on to help her change the course of her life.

While I'm Still Here is about mental illness, suicide, and drug use, it is primarily a story about hope, the innate desire to survive and love. I think anyone who has stood in the shadows, while a family member or friend has lead loved ones into a blackhole that sucks the joy and love out of life, will find this book cathartic. There are times to laugh, and times to cry, but mostly there are opportunities to realize that one is not alone, and that life can be what we choose it to be.

I don't possess enough positive words to encourage people to read this book. It is excellently crafted, emotional, and thought provoking. In everyway, I believe this book will stand the test of time, and Ms. Biel has sealed her fate - an author who will be known throughout the ages.

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

Totally loved this book, seriously made me consider the effects of mental illness.

[Glynis Astie · Rating 4 out of 5]

With a main character named Esther Comely-Cox, you know the story is going to be intriguing. Esther's journey through life has been challenging to say the least. Naming the majority of their children after the characters from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was just the tip of the iceberg of parental cruelty for Cheryl and Dean Comely. Esther may have escaped that horror, but being blamed for the disappearance (or possible suicide) of her beloved twin sister, Aster, has left her with scars that may never heal. Estranged from her family, Esther travels from city to city, chasing a small sense of normalcy and comfort. It appears she has found an inkling of hope in the form of Kingston Cole, the charming doctor who treats her after a rather humiliating car accident. (A Ho Ho in the face is not a good look for anyone.) Cue a series of heartbreaking events which Esther fights her way through with valiant effort. The range of emotions I felt while reading this book was remarkable! Laughter through tears is a difficult emotion to evoke, but Ms. Biel achieves this feat beautifully. Esther's story will pull you in, puzzle, shock and enrage you, and leave you with comfort in the end. I recommend you have a box of tissues and a good supply of chocolate handy while reading this inspiring story.

[Bev · Rating 5 out of 5]

First I want to state that this was a free book I rec'd thru my Book Bub membership. I also want to state that while I rate the books I read on Goodreads, I don't usually write a review so expect this review to be short.
I had this book on my Kindle since last March & after some rather heavy book club reads was looking for what I term a beach read but with a little more substance. I read the Amazon reviews of it again, read the 1st couple chapters & thought it might be a little too light...but this book is so much more than that. Kathryn Biel you have a new reader! If someone was to ask me if I could compare Kathryn Biel to any other authors I would have to say this woman is a combo of 3/4ths Jodi Picoult and 1/4 Janet Evanovich with a little Dear Ann Landers & her twin Dear Abby thrown in. She covers such a heavy subject with laughter & love. I absolutely loved this book! I love strong women & Ester is a strong woman & a fighter. I have always said that you are what you have lived and gone thru, if you make it thru; you are so much stronger than before. Ester makes it thru with a lot of hard work.

[Katrina Roets · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's rare that I rate a book 5 out of 5, but if I had to pick a number for this book, it would be a 6. Why? I would say because it touched on so many aspects of my life and did it in a way that I felt as if I knew the characters in the book. I am very much estranged from my family, not for the same reasons as Esther, but for reasons not so far off. There were times, in the book, where something would happen and I just wanted to hug her and tell her that not everyone thought like that. I too deal with mental illness and know how it can affect those around you. Esther is a super hero as far as I'm concerned. Don't wait to stumble upon this book. Go out and get it. If for no other reason than it might just change your world.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. It took me a while to get through this book because the subject matter - mental illness - is very close to my heart (well, and I was moving across the continent at the same time!) It's not an easy subject to write on, and especially with such grace and humor!! I appreciated Esther's emotional responses, her trials, her humor... :) The story moved steadily, the rest of the characters were very well written and believable. I loved Esther's courage and humor and willingness to not give up. This is the second book of Kathryn Biel's that I've read and it's my favorite so far.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love how this book read well, I like how the author injected the thoughts of the charicters. I think a lot of people can identify with having family problems, or problems with our physical beings. This book has romance and mystery, love and mental and physical challenges. It makes you realize that you can have "family" that aren't blood related. People that surround you in life that support your need to be love and wanted.

[Christine Gardner · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm still here is a story about a strong, feisty woman who grew up without love and acceptance from the people who were supposed to love her the most - her family.

Edith is the main character. She has flaky parents who disowned her, 5 siblings who don't talk to her except for a few on occasion and a twin sister Aster with a mental illness and drug problem who left a suicide note and disappeared 7 years earlier.

The onset of Aster's illness and her departure was the catalyst to spin Esther's life out of control. She spent her teenage years looking after and managing her sister while the rest of the family ignored the issues. Being a twin, she lost half of herself when she lost her sister. Her family refused to believe she was dead while Esther tried to convince them otherwise and they eventually told Esther that they never wanted to see her again.

Esther spends the next 7 years moving around regularly. I think she does this to finally find the things she was always missing - love, acceptance & family.

I have some mixed opinions about the book - both positive and negative. I'll start with the negative.

I felt that the story started to lose some of its initial potential as the story went on. For ex. the introduction of the 2 men in the beginning was interesting especially because they were best friends as well however, Rob went out of the picture pretty quickly. I thought there could have been a little more with that.

I also thought that although Esther is a strong woman that can hold her own she also lost some of that strength as the story went on.

THE NEXT 3 STATEMENTS HAVE SPOILERS
1. I was also confused that the situation with Aster asking out Rob after Esther's singing debut was not explored. She had to know that Esther was on a date with Rob. If she loved her sister and wanted her back in her life, why would she risk asking out her sisters date? I think this had potential.
2. I was a little disappointed that she did not recall the missing 2 months after her memory lapse. I was hoping that a "deja vu" experience like singing on stage and winking at Kingston might trigger her memory - even if it was just snippets to elude the reader to the fact that she would get it back eventually.
3. I also wish there was a little more closure with Charlie.
#'s 2 & 3 are just my personal preference.

Here's the positive:
The story started out very strong. I was pulled in from the start with the car accident, the hallucinations of a potential dead twin sister and the introduction of 2 very sexy men O.K. (Kingston) and Rob.

I really loved the story itself - there is just so much there to work with - a relatable, independent down to earth woman who perseveres through hard circumstances, potential love interest between different men, a twin sister who ruined her life, a really messed up family, a potential singing opportunity and good reliable friends.

There were some very humorous parts in this book which made me laugh out loud which very few books do. You can actually put yourself in some of the embarrassing situations or at the very least appreciate them. I think these parts were my favorite and are what made me give the book 4 stars. There are books that made me smirk or chuckle occasionally but almost none make me laugh and I truly laughed multiple times. I think that talent is unique.

I received this book for free through good reads first reads in exchange for an honest review which I think I have provided. I really did enjoy this book and read it all in one sitting. I would recommend this book to my friends and would definitely read more by Kathryn R. Biel. I think she has a lot of potential. Thank you for the opportunity.

[E · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m Still Here Review (Non-spoiler)

4.5/5 stars

Another amazing book by Katheryn Biel! Not only are her storylines solid but there’s a message behind her stories that will stay with you. I can’t wait to read more from her!

I’m Still Here follows Esther who, at the very beginning, goes through a traumatic event. During which she thinks she hears someone say something to her, which wouldn’t be creepy but it just so happens to be someone from her past who died.

Although the very beginning starts off serious it quickly gets hilarious. I’m Still Here had me in tears of happiness and tears of sadness. Let’s not forget Esther’s very own Dr. McSteamy and Dr. McDreamy. That alone had me sold on this story.

All kidding aside, Katheryn’s book dealt with very real issues and she went about patching them up in a very real way. Let’s not forget the triple loop the book threw at me. Holy cow, I was glued to the story but after that I had no hopes of taking a break until the story was finished. I was in no way disappointed. There were times I wanted to slap a few people, I still kind of do if I’m being honest.

Overall, I’m Still Here is most definitely worth reading and I would absolutely read it again.

[Antionette · Rating 5 out of 5]

Esther is this bright red head who is full of so much love even with a shady family. She has been shunned by her family for years because her twin sister Aster one day left a note saying she had enough and was sorry but couldn't handle living this way. And then she was gone. For a few years her parents paid tins of money to try and find her. Her body was never recovered. And because she wanted her family to heal, she demanded the searches stop. The mediums. All of it. That they except that she had died. This story had so many twists. I thought it was gonna go one way and twisted in a completely new way. She finds love... True love and a family she doesn't quite expect comes out of tragedy. I cried. And laughed. I think this is a book I could read again.

[Niki · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so good, I read it in one sit. Esther sees her self as a lonely person, her twin sister had a mental illness and commits suicide. When Esther not really loved by her parents, hear her sisters voice seven years after death she thins she has gone mental too. her marriage failed and she never found anyone else. She is a social worker with a bad pay, but somehow she manage.
When Esther has a accident, she sees a handsome man come to her and she hears a line that only she and her Twin Sister Aster knew.

The book is great, i loved every minute of it, great characters and nice plots in it. I love Esther. How all goes well read it yourself, I promise you won't regret it.
Kathryn wrote a serious book but she manage to make me laugh too with patches of humor in it.

[Lynda Kelly · Rating 1 out of 5]

19 pages in and I've deleted it. Too many mistakes meant I just couldn't be bothered anymore, I'm afraid. Quasimodo presented as Quasimoto, mighty as might, missing commas, a daft name for the doctor....O.K. That was quite distracting, actually. Got to where she used coo-coo as opposed to cuckoo and I'd seen enough.
Maybe if it was the book I'd expected I might have sighed loudly and stuck with it but it's more a comedy than the mystery I was expecting and I'm not a fan of funny books, really. Not all the way through.
And to make matters worse one reviewer dropped a great big black spoiler in their one which I'll make mention of on it. That's thoughtless in the extreme and a shame for the author.

[Connie Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I was actually sad when I finished it. I wanted to read more about Esther and Aster, and watch them grow old together. My late mother-in-law was bipolar so I have an understanding of the disease, and have heard stories of my husband and his brother dealing with their mom, as teens, before she was diagnosed. My heart broke for Esther dealing with her family; it reminded me of my own family drama. I wanted them to resolve some of the issues, and a part of me imagines them doing so even though the book has ended.

I will be following this author for more wonderful stories. We will also be discussing this book at our internet book club meeting next week.

[Heather Balog · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars. Wow. This book certainly was not what I was expecting. I'm not sure what I thought this book was going to do to me, but it certainly wasn't supposed to reduce me to tears. These characters were so spot on and so fleshed out, I felt like they were people I knew personally. And in a way, they were. I absolutely loved Esther and could see her perfectly in my mind. Some of the topics in this book were ones I have experienced in my own family and as sad as it can make you feel, it was heartwarming to realize that you're not alone. Beautifully done. I would highly recommend it.

[Jenna P · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fascinating, well done and had me keep reading

Character development was great. Felt like I understood each one. The main character's parents were pieces of work. I got invested in finding out what was next for her, and was shattered when things went bad to worse, interspersed with good times. I liked the prose and senses of humor enough to want to read more of her books. As someone who has friends and relatives with a mental illness I appreciated her take on things.

[Hilary Grossman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm Still Here caught my attention immediately and held it until the very last page. This book was very difficult to put down, and if I had more time I could have easily read it in one day. I truly loved this story. There was so much to it... There were moments where I gasped, wanted to punch a character or two, laughed, and cried.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked everything about this book. It made me laugh out loud in a couple of places, and had me in tears a few times. Thoroughly enjoyed it -- although the few minor typos distracted me just a bit.

[Narrative Muse]

Read this if: You love a great romance.

I’m Still Here is a luscious, easy escape. Girl meets boy. Girl is in a coma. Romance blossoms and neither know how or why. I’m Still Here is adorable and romantic and enthralling.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Couldn't. Put. It. Down. Now I have to go to work tomorrow on three hours of sleep. Thanks a lot Kathryn.

[Clarissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I quite literally could not put this book down. It had the right amount of humor, sadness and oh my gosh that one would expect for this type of story.

[Sylvie · Rating 5 out of 5]

happy and sad story

[Suze · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'M STILL HERE

The first few chapters were interesting, but the book just started dragging for me. I skimmed through the book from about 33%- could not get back into it.

[Nolan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ester and Aster Comely grew up in such a dysfunctional family that the twins were essentially all they had; in other words, they cared for one another when no one else did. Esther was especially sensitive to Aster's needs. She dealt with a mental illness that would prove deadly. For years after Aster's suicide Esther was isolated from her family--driven out by their anger that she is alive and her sister is dead. Certainly Esther believed her sister was dead; other family members insisted she was not. Part of the excitement in this book is figuring out who was right.

This is a well-written sensitive look at family and what family really means. It's also a careful nonjudgmental look at the impact mental illness can have on families, and it looks at the difficulties that are an inherent part of brain injury.

If this all sounds heavy and depressing, it's not. There's fun-filled humor here and even some romance for Esther. In fact, this book doesn't follow the usual tiresome romance tropes and formulas. Oh, sure, girl meets guy under memorable circumstances, an attraction grows, and a problem arises that puts the whole thing in doubt. But Biel handles this with greater sophistication and depth than the usual formulaic stuff. I loved these characters, Esther's potty mouth aside. There is heart-touching material here that depicts growth and improvement; indeed, through Esther, we can learn much of what love is and how it often breaks the boundaries of our expectations.

Lisa Beacom narrates this wonderfully. She is the reason I purchased it from Audible. She moves through the material briskly, but not overly so. I cranked her to 2.5x, but 3x would have been too fast. Her levels are great; in fact, she's conscious enough of her levels that she even moves away from the microphone a bit when she needs to put volume into her narration for a sentence or two. She is highly listenable with a lovely voice that she uses to your advantage without engaging in over-the-top silliness. You hear tears in her voice when they need to be there, and she communicates laughter and happy moments equally well.

[Anne · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF @35%, heavily skimmed through to the end.

Life's too short for this. Way too much dialogue, crappy dialogue at that. Like it was written by a teenager. The missing sister plot, which at least kept me skimming, turned out to be extremely disappointing. Then the romance *rolls eyes*; I just could not take any more of it.
I seriously don't understand all the 4- and 5-starred reviews here. Have we read the same book?

[Denise Closser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a good read. Alot can and does really happen. It made me laugh, chuckle, eyes open wide. Moving.

[Kathryn Biel]

For your consideration, this book contains the following topics:

Mental illness, childhood trauma, brain injury, suicide, emotional abuse, childhood abuse and neglect