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Why We Click: The Emerging Science of Interpersonal Synchrony
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10 copies available
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Why do you immediately click with some people while others just as inexplicably turn you off? Do people emit vibes? Is it possible to read a room? Are bad habits contagious?
Kate Murphy, author of the international bestseller You’re Not Listening, answers these and other fascinating questions in Why We Click, the first book that explores the emerging science and outsize impact of interpersonal synchrony, the most consequential social dynamic most people have never heard of. Interpersonal synchrony is the seemingly magical, yet now scientifically documented, tendency of human beings to fall into rhythm and find resonance with one another.
Not only do we subconsciously match one another’s movements, postures, facial expressions, and gestures; recent breakthroughs in technology have revealed we also sync up our heart rates, blood pressure, brainwaves, pupil dilation, and hormonal activity. The result is that emotions, moods, attitudes, and subsequent behaviors can be as infectious as any disease, and can have just as profound an impact on our health and well-being.
Interweaving science, philosophy, literature, history, business management theory, pop-culture, and plenty of relatable, real world examples, Why We Click explains why being “in sync,” “in tune,” “in step,” and “on the same wavelength” are more than just turns of phrase. From the bedroom to the boardroom and beyond, Murphy reveals with characteristic curiosity, concision, and wit how our instinct to sync with others drives much of our behavior and how our deepest desires—to be known, admired, loved, and connected—are so often thwarted in modern life.
Kate Murphy, author of the international bestseller You’re Not Listening, answers these and other fascinating questions in Why We Click, the first book that explores the emerging science and outsize impact of interpersonal synchrony, the most consequential social dynamic most people have never heard of. Interpersonal synchrony is the seemingly magical, yet now scientifically documented, tendency of human beings to fall into rhythm and find resonance with one another.
Not only do we subconsciously match one another’s movements, postures, facial expressions, and gestures; recent breakthroughs in technology have revealed we also sync up our heart rates, blood pressure, brainwaves, pupil dilation, and hormonal activity. The result is that emotions, moods, attitudes, and subsequent behaviors can be as infectious as any disease, and can have just as profound an impact on our health and well-being.
Interweaving science, philosophy, literature, history, business management theory, pop-culture, and plenty of relatable, real world examples, Why We Click explains why being “in sync,” “in tune,” “in step,” and “on the same wavelength” are more than just turns of phrase. From the bedroom to the boardroom and beyond, Murphy reveals with characteristic curiosity, concision, and wit how our instinct to sync with others drives much of our behavior and how our deepest desires—to be known, admired, loved, and connected—are so often thwarted in modern life.
Kindle Edition
Expected publication January 27, 2026
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About the author
Kate Murphy
2 books298 followersJournalist Kate Murphy’s eclectic essays and articles for The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The Economist, Agence France-Presse, and Texas Monthly have been shared and commented on by millions. She is known for her fresh and accessible style and ability to distill complex subjects, particularly the science behind human interactions. Her first book, You’re Not Listening: What You’re Missing and Why It Matters, was published in thirty-two languages and has become required reading in interpersonal communication courses at high schools, colleges, and universities worldwide. Kate lives in Houston, Texas, and holds a commercial pilot’s license.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
November 30, 2025
I tend to not be a fan of books that tend to be categorized as self help books. They seem to lay out a step-by-step process of how you can improve yourself, implying often that you are somehow fundamentally broken and need fixing.
In both Why We Click and her preceding book, You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy utilizes a more psychological approach, making the reader aware of all these things hiding under the surface of our conscious awareness that help us learn more about human beings, and about how we can improve our interactions with others without wagging a finger or making the reader feel fundamentally lacking.
This makes her books so much more engaging and fascinating. Why We Click seems to be a little more jargon heavy than its predecessor, but yet easy enough for me to follow that it was still full of aha moments for me.
The classmates and coworkers I instantly disliked, explained. The physical toll a previous job took on my body, and the mental effects I’m still recovering from because of someone that was a bad apple, explained. The way my deceased mother served as the cement in multiple relationships and how they’ve fallen on harder times since she passed away, explained. Why I’ve never really liked remote work despite being an introvert, explained.
At no point does Murphy make me feel like there’s anything wrong with me. Instead I have a clarity about why something made me feel the way I did. Her research also helps serve as a roadmap for helping me manage others and not let people who are bad apples adversely affect me as much as possible, if I’m willing to take the time to recognize that I’m absorbing their emotions instead of experiencing them directly.
The concept of synchrony can seem kind of hokey headed into this book, but I would challenge anyone reading it not to acknowledge there may be a connection between what they’ve experienced and an explanation that makes perfect sense for it. Unless of course the experts on the subject matter have sucked you in to a tailored experience that convinces you to think otherwise (did you know they were up to something)?
Once again, a well-written, thought provoking book from Kate Murphy I feel I should go back and read periodically for creating self awareness and resetting my perspective.
A complimentary copy of this book was provided by the publisher. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
In both Why We Click and her preceding book, You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy utilizes a more psychological approach, making the reader aware of all these things hiding under the surface of our conscious awareness that help us learn more about human beings, and about how we can improve our interactions with others without wagging a finger or making the reader feel fundamentally lacking.
This makes her books so much more engaging and fascinating. Why We Click seems to be a little more jargon heavy than its predecessor, but yet easy enough for me to follow that it was still full of aha moments for me.
The classmates and coworkers I instantly disliked, explained. The physical toll a previous job took on my body, and the mental effects I’m still recovering from because of someone that was a bad apple, explained. The way my deceased mother served as the cement in multiple relationships and how they’ve fallen on harder times since she passed away, explained. Why I’ve never really liked remote work despite being an introvert, explained.
At no point does Murphy make me feel like there’s anything wrong with me. Instead I have a clarity about why something made me feel the way I did. Her research also helps serve as a roadmap for helping me manage others and not let people who are bad apples adversely affect me as much as possible, if I’m willing to take the time to recognize that I’m absorbing their emotions instead of experiencing them directly.
The concept of synchrony can seem kind of hokey headed into this book, but I would challenge anyone reading it not to acknowledge there may be a connection between what they’ve experienced and an explanation that makes perfect sense for it. Unless of course the experts on the subject matter have sucked you in to a tailored experience that convinces you to think otherwise (did you know they were up to something)?
Once again, a well-written, thought provoking book from Kate Murphy I feel I should go back and read periodically for creating self awareness and resetting my perspective.
A complimentary copy of this book was provided by the publisher. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
November 22, 2025
'How We Click' would be a more apt title.
This book is about interpersonal synchrony. I do not understand what interpersonal synchrony is. I do not think that the author does, either. But I think that this is fair, in that I do not think that anyone understands.
Loosely though, this is a book about group dynamics, and the power of individuals to shape those dynamics. It discusses several ways in which people look to use those dynamics to their advantage, whether dealing with one or a crowd of people.
There are studies or particular people who present interesting bits, specifically that are actionable. I love the term 'energy hygiene' and think it needs to be something more better understood. Probably the most passionate part of the book is when the author is discussing the malign uses of this sort of thing, specifically in terms of social media companies yanking the scholars for their own purposes. And there is no fault with the writing in general as a clear non-fiction book.
But in the replication crisis era, I am much more skeptical of a lot of these studies. In particular, I kept thinking of alternate interpretations: they think they proved X, but did they control for Y? The citation apparatus makes it difficult, and occasionally there are points where the author's interpretation of scholarship that I was more familiar with was off-base, in a manner that left me twitchy.
The book dips into active harm when it starts to get pseudoscientific. Let us leave it at quantum physics comes up. And periodically a character drifts into view who seems to me a charlatan or grifter, whom the author is credulous about because it affirms her science-y feeling.
The one-liner in the start is no quip. I was interested in this book because it sounded like this was something that was looking at the scholarship around that sense of 'click' that occurs between people. Instead, it is just as mysterious, but the sort of phenomenon that arise out of clicks and anti-clicks, as well as partial clicks, is described. The mystery remains mysterious.
My thanks to the author, Kate Murphy, for writing the book, and to the publisher, Celadon Books, for making the ARC available to me.
This book is about interpersonal synchrony. I do not understand what interpersonal synchrony is. I do not think that the author does, either. But I think that this is fair, in that I do not think that anyone understands.
Loosely though, this is a book about group dynamics, and the power of individuals to shape those dynamics. It discusses several ways in which people look to use those dynamics to their advantage, whether dealing with one or a crowd of people.
There are studies or particular people who present interesting bits, specifically that are actionable. I love the term 'energy hygiene' and think it needs to be something more better understood. Probably the most passionate part of the book is when the author is discussing the malign uses of this sort of thing, specifically in terms of social media companies yanking the scholars for their own purposes. And there is no fault with the writing in general as a clear non-fiction book.
But in the replication crisis era, I am much more skeptical of a lot of these studies. In particular, I kept thinking of alternate interpretations: they think they proved X, but did they control for Y? The citation apparatus makes it difficult, and occasionally there are points where the author's interpretation of scholarship that I was more familiar with was off-base, in a manner that left me twitchy.
The book dips into active harm when it starts to get pseudoscientific. Let us leave it at quantum physics comes up. And periodically a character drifts into view who seems to me a charlatan or grifter, whom the author is credulous about because it affirms her science-y feeling.
The one-liner in the start is no quip. I was interested in this book because it sounded like this was something that was looking at the scholarship around that sense of 'click' that occurs between people. Instead, it is just as mysterious, but the sort of phenomenon that arise out of clicks and anti-clicks, as well as partial clicks, is described. The mystery remains mysterious.
My thanks to the author, Kate Murphy, for writing the book, and to the publisher, Celadon Books, for making the ARC available to me.
October 27, 2025
One of the major problems today (in my opinion) is that people are not connecting anymore. Every relationship seems transactional; individuals are looked at from the perspective of a 'means to an end' in a way that is hard to hide. Kate Murphy shows us why this is a 'trap' - we have to make an effort to connect with others if we want to live life in a more meaningful way. By showing that IS is a way to connect in a deeper (and more beneficial) way we see the benefits that ripple out into society. This is even more the case in a democracy; so much of the political polarization we see today is because we will not connect with our fellow citizens. It is impossible to relate to someone if you refuse to meet then on the bridge of compromise that democracy represents. Highest recommendation!
November 14, 2025
Maybe it's just the sociology/psychology nerd part of me, but I absolutely DEVOURED this book!
Learning about interpersonal synchrony and the neurobiological responses to human interaction was absolutely fascinating to me. A lot of things discussed in this book I already knew, whether from college courses or just innately, but a lot of it I did not know!
I actually wrote down "energy hygiene" because I had never heard of that concept before, and I want to implement better energy hygiene personally after learning about it and the benefits.
Definitely recommend to anyone who wants to understand how interpersonal synchrony works and how to implement better strategies when relating to other people.
Learning about interpersonal synchrony and the neurobiological responses to human interaction was absolutely fascinating to me. A lot of things discussed in this book I already knew, whether from college courses or just innately, but a lot of it I did not know!
I actually wrote down "energy hygiene" because I had never heard of that concept before, and I want to implement better energy hygiene personally after learning about it and the benefits.
Definitely recommend to anyone who wants to understand how interpersonal synchrony works and how to implement better strategies when relating to other people.
December 4, 2025
Why We Click is a smart, well-researched look at what draws us to some people and turns us off from others. Kate Murphy touches on parasocial relationships, remote work, loneliness, and our connections with animals and nature in a way that feels clear and relatable.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.
Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC.
October 29, 2025
Full review at www.NerdyNerdyBookBook.com
ARC courtesy of NetGalley
ARC courtesy of NetGalley
November 17, 2025
Above all I enjoyed the author reading the book. Many things inside felt like “duh” moments, but maybe that is just how things are.
November 21, 2025
Why We Click is a fascinating look into the science of why we instantly connect with some people and feel out of sync with others. Kate Murphy breaks down interpersonal synchrony—how our bodies, brains, and emotions subtly tune to each other—in a way that’s smart, relatable, and full of real-life moments we’ve all experienced.
What I loved most is how practical it feels. It made me rethink the way I show up in conversations and pay attention to the “rhythms” between people. Some parts lean a bit dense on the research, but overall it’s a thoughtful, eye-opening read for anyone interested in psychology or relationships.
Huge thank you to NetGalley for the free advanced copy in exchange for my honest review!
What I loved most is how practical it feels. It made me rethink the way I show up in conversations and pay attention to the “rhythms” between people. Some parts lean a bit dense on the research, but overall it’s a thoughtful, eye-opening read for anyone interested in psychology or relationships.
Huge thank you to NetGalley for the free advanced copy in exchange for my honest review!
November 21, 2025
As someone who's had to take Interpersonal Communication in college, I was extremely interested to learn more when I was offered this book.
I really enjoyed reading about parasocial relationships and why we find ourselves really "clicking" with celebrities' because I've always wondered why I feel like that sometimes. Connecting with other people is extremely important and this book really emphasizes on that and the science behind why!
Thank you to the publisher Celadon Books for an arc in exchange for an honest review.
I really enjoyed reading about parasocial relationships and why we find ourselves really "clicking" with celebrities' because I've always wondered why I feel like that sometimes. Connecting with other people is extremely important and this book really emphasizes on that and the science behind why!
Thank you to the publisher Celadon Books for an arc in exchange for an honest review.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews