The Insider Guide to PDA

by Sally Cat, Brook Madera

"Don't tell me what to do" - everyone's said it (or thought it!), but for the PDA brain it's a tenet that makes everyday tasks a constant challenge. Whether it's a request from a friend or a social expectation to do something, pathological demand avoidance can throw a bucket of ice water on your motivation, or create anxiety that builds up and boils over as a meltdown.


In this essential primer, PDAers Sally Cat and Brook Madera explain what PDA is, how it manifests, and what you can do to minimise its impact. They explore its interaction with other forms of neurodivergence, potential misdiagnosis as a multitude of other conditions and disorders, and how it actually feels in reality. They also highlight the positives of PDA life, as shared by other PDAers and their loved ones.


Whether you're a PDAer yourself, or know one and want to support them, this Insider Guide will help you understand what PDA is and how to live with it.

Genres: Nonfiction

176 pages, Paperback

Published January 21, 2026

Reviews

[Lauren P · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book. I tried multiple times to get into it- because maybe it’s just my PDA and feeling called out making me not like it. But as a mom with PDA to a PDA kid- this book was confusing and jumped around too much. There are constant references to “see chapter — for more on this”.

I did receive an ARC from NetGalley to review- so it’s possible some of these issues are resolved in a final copy. It has potential- but this was a swing and a miss for me.

[Lisa Villarreal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this really interesting. My son has PDA and we are always learning more and more about him as he ages as he is able to communicate more. It's hard understanding how he will function as an adult because he doesn't do well in school. School is so full of demands. He typically spends the day with a one on one and does his own schedule.

The other big thing we see is he clings to a certain friend at school and we noticed it is a pattern to ease his anxiety. He doesn't understand it and can't communicate clearly. It's definitely a challenge raising a child that has PDA.

You also mention kids hiding pain. My son is the opposite and injuries and illness causes heightened anxiety. To the point he wants to go to the emergency for a cut.

I found the fawn and flop very interesting as I've not heard about that before. There was a lot of new information mixed with old. And while some was not accurate for my child, it's a spectrum so I understand how it can be different for everyone. I imagine this could be continually expanded as more information is learned.

There was also a lot of information about different theories and a lot of information I found interesting.

A lot was relatable as we don't have proper diagnosis in the USA for PDA, we have been told it is ODD. But we had proper testing for autism and he did signify he most likely had PDA. So I mean there is always the chance he doesn't. So with that all in mind, I do think it is worth reading and learning about PDA. I wish more people took the time to learn. This book is so valuable for those who don't know what PDA is. Our school staff has learned over the last couple of years to best support our child and I think this would be helpful for them too.

I also liked it included some strategy, would have liked more, especially for school. We have been unlucky in alternate programs as suggested.

And getting a brief insight to how teens and adulthood might look was great too.

Overall I liked this rundown a lot and found it useful.

[Ro U]

I went into this book really curious and a little cautious because good, accessible writing on PDA is hard to find. It's not (yet) in the DSM-5, and it's hard to find a lot on this. Overall, I found it refreshing, humane, and genuinely interesting, even if it’s not a perfect fit for everyone.

What worked best for me was the tone. The authors don’t write like they’re diagnosing or trying to fix PDA. Instead, it feels like an invitation to understand it. They write as equals, with a lot of respect and curiosity, and that makes a big difference. I also appreciated how clearly complex ideas were explained without talking down to the reader.

That said, the book does try to cover a lot. At times it feels sprawling, a bit jumpy, and very anecdote-heavy. If you are looking for tightly structured guidance or lots of citations and hard research, this may feel frustrating. I kept thinking that the authors’ lived experiences are the strongest parts, and a memoir style approach might have been incredible.

Still, I learned a lot without feeling like I was studying, which I really valued. Some sections, like the practical frameworks and real life family dynamics, were especially helpful and validating. Not every idea will resonate with every PDA person or family, but that feels true to the nature of PDA itself.

I would recommend this to parents, educators, and adults trying to better understand PDA, especially if you are open to nuance, lived experience, and learning alongside uncertainty rather than expecting definitive answers.

Thanks Jessica Kingsley Publishers and Netgalley for the ARC.

[Lithári Fey · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️ ꒰3 stars꒱
꒰non-fiction | mental health ꒱

an interesting tale of anecdotal experiences and guidance about PDA (pathological demand avoidance).

for some reason, it was decided this should be framed as a handbook for those affected by PDA (whether directly or through a loved one, friend, patient, client, etc.) instead of what I think it should have been: a memoir.

there's very little citation and research to back their statements and if I'm reading something to educate myself, I'd like more cold, hard facts. as someone with autism (and very much inclined to believe I have PDA as well), I felt myself in many of their anecdotes and descriptions, but I wanted to be able to point to research and citations that backed up how they were framing it and the tools they were trying to give the reader. from an academic standpoint, it's just lacking substance. there's meat on this plate, but no veg and starch, you know? I need the whole package.

seriously, though, the authors should consider writing a memoir! the anecdotes and little stories littering the pages were beautifully written and drew my attention at every page turn.

thank you to NetGalley and the author for supplying the ARC of this book.

[Sara Demler · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good guide to understanding PDA in simple, easy to understand terms. A good start to learning about PDA with mostly anecdotal experiences included. I wouldn't say this gives a full comprehensive look at PDA and could include more research and strategies. But if you are looking to get a simple and quick understanding, this is a good start. It would help anyone curious if their child or themselves might want to look into a PDA diagnosis. It is also very validating to any parent feeling alone in their parenting experience and feeling defeated. I first heard about PDA when my son was around 6 years old and it all made SO much sense. I was in tears finally feeling like someone could understand what I'm going through.

On a sidenote- it's disappointing that PDA isn't widely approved of and often invalidated or simply not even a diagnosis that is understood. So this book helps me figure out resources I can look into myself and helps me understand what supports might not be helpful for my child. It also gives me some clues as to if I might be PDA as well, but I'm more focused on helping my son at this stage of his life.

Thank you to Netgalley for an arc copy, all opinions are my own.

[Mandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

As an autistic adult myself, I have heard the term PDA before, but never read much into it. Reading this book made me realize that there are some commonalities between PDA and autism, but many more differences. This also made me realize that in my advising practice, there are some things I can use (such as dropping declarative language and providing choices).

Further sources would be helpful for this book, as there is quite a lot of anecdotal evidence and peer research, as well as claims that are not backed up. As there is limited research on the topic, this is understandable; however, I think a memoir style would serve this type of writing better.

Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC!

[Shana · Rating 3 out of 5]

It isn't easy to find literature on PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance, or Persistent Drive for Autonomy) as it isn't its own standalone diagnosis so I was excited to see this book available for review. Unfortunately, it didn't quite live up to expectations. As other reviewers have noted, it relies heavily on anecdote and makes many claims without backing it up with appropriate citations. The format itself is a bit disorganized and the writing lacks flow. I think there are good thoughts and ideas in there, but the delivery didn't work for me. I think rather than looking to inform in this manner, the authors would have shined more had they written personal narratives of PDA from childhood onwards because their lived experience is what makes this unique.

[Morag Murray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I sincerely hope will be read widely and extensively. I applaud the authors for recognising that PDA is not a particular well known presentation, but it is one for which having the right support can have a huge impact on the individual. That there are strategies for educators is fantastic, that these are clear and well written is even better!

I love the moments of anecdotal experience that appear throughout the book, and also that this book covers the lifespan, recognising that PDA is a life long condition.

This is a book that will be helpful to many professionals and parents (with some very sound advice for all).

My thanks to NetGalley, author and publisher for the opportunity to review this book in exchange for an advance copy.

[Katie Murphy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for the ARC!

For some background context, I’m familiar with Sally Cat from online communities when I was initially diagnosed autistic. It was also suggested I’m a PDA-er.

I really enjoyed the info in this book, however it doesn’t come off reader friendly. It’s less of a guide and more of an essay or research dissertation. Very info heavy and some may be more lived experience based. There is much research to be done on PDA profile so it’s still worth checking out.

[Maria (a) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really excited about the release of this book, but I felt a little let down. I appreciate the attempt at not framing it all as a negative, and I appreciate the look at various ways PDA can express. However, I missed clear structure, and I thought it didn't go deep enough into the idea of 'demand' and what exactly that means. It stayed a bit too superficial to be something I'd recommend to people trying to understand their own PDA profile, as I don't think it manages to convey how it feels.

[Gypsy · Rating 2 out of 5]

As an adult with PDA who is Mom to a PDA 6 year old, I take wanted to this book... I didn't.

The book covers a lot of topics but is to short to go into depth on any of them which makes it basically useless. And if makes several claims and then says there will be further explanation in other sections but the explanations never actually come. Might be used if you've never read anything about PDA and are using this as like a very basic introduction but ... I'm not even sure about that.

[Lottie C · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25⭐️

Useful in understanding my own PDA