Loves Me Not: How to Keep Relationships Safe

by Lesley Elliott, William J. O'Brien

‘If you think you are unsafe, then you probably are.’
— Lesley Elliott

In 2008, the horrific murder of Sophie Elliott by her former boyfriend and university tutor, Clayton Weatherston, shocked the nation. During the police investigation it became clear Sophie’s murderer was a typical abuser who had a track record of treating partners badly.

Sophie’s mother, Lesley Elliott, was astonished to find the characteristics typical of abusive relationships were right there in Sophie’s. Lesley quickly realised that if she and Sophie missed the signs, then so could many others. International research suggests education is the key, so Lesley set up the Sophie Elliott Foundation to raise awareness among all young people, their friends and families, of the signs of partner abuse.

The Loves-Me-Not programme was developed by the New Zealand Police in partnership with the Sophie Elliott Foundation and the Ministry of Social Development. Its primary aim is to help young people keep safe.

This book includes advice and suggestions on how to identify problems, how to deal with them and where to seek help. Also included is ‘One for the Boys’, a chapter written by well-known clinical psychologist and commentator, Nigel Latta.

Genres: Nonfiction

160 pages, Paperback

First published November 7, 2014

Reviews

[Julie James · Rating 4 out of 5]

I work in a school that puts all year 12 students through he "loves me not" programme, and after reading this book I am proud of that fact! While I have never been in the negative situations described in the book I found it an interesting read. It is well written and easy to read and will be useful for those involved in the program who want to know more. Lesley Elliot reinforces she is not an expert,"just a Mother with a story to tell". I think she is an incredibly special and brave lady to share her and Sophie's story to help others.

[Theresaharris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great guide for teen dating, defining healthy relationships

Gave multiple warning signs~
A great conversation starter~
Should be taught in schools to both boys and girls~

Noteworthy: Zonta, a global organization dedicated to the empowerment of women and who promotes "Zonta Says NO" to domestic violence, is distributing this book free of charge to teens.

Education at the root level will prevent gender abuse and domestic violence.

[Amelia]

I'm not the target market for this book, but I was curious what it had to say.
Now I'm trying to decide whether to release it back into the wild (I picked it up at a free library) or keep it on hand for now-Mr6 to read in a few years time...
Not a bad read, I think most parents could do with reading it to get some ideas of things to watch for with their kids relationships.

[Lynette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very well written book which is a must read. So pleased to hear it is being used in
High Schools. What an amazing lady Lesley Elliott is to dedicate her life to educating others after
so tragically losing her own daughter.

[Joanne Harvey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting read...no matter what age.or stage you would be in or starting a relationship. For both Male and females to read to keep true to ourselves...only we can make.ourselves happy, dont rely on others to make you happy.

[Bathsheba Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really good overview, an excellent reminder, good for self reflection as well.

[Fabiola Taverna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Chi lo avrebbe mai detto? Terrificante. Brutale. Crudo.
Bellissimo, intenso e spaventosamente realistico.
Consiglio a tutti la lettura di questo libro.
(5/5)

[Jen de R · Rating 3 out of 5]

I remember the media coverage of this murder back in 2008. It was interesting to read the mother's observations of the manipulative relationship Sophie's murderer formed with her, and the signs she wished she'd paid more attention to. Sophie had been a bright, confident, high achiever, so it's worth noting that those qualities don't make you immune to being undermined by a bad man. The next section also had helpful advice to young people about things like online presence. An entry from Sophie's diary from 3-4 years before she even met the murderer was used against her character in court. The author emphasised that nothing you write online is ever really private. These early chapters I thought would be useful to go through with my teens.
The chapters written by experts I found less relevant. There were a couple of helpful checklists, and some inadequate worldly advice.
Overall a useful resource for teens.

[Rebekah Wong · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book would have been handy when I was younger. My brother and I talked about how we never knew of 'red flags' growing up and how we learn't the hard way (obviously not like poor Sophie).

The Sophie Elliot Foundation presented at my daughter's school to the Year 12's only. However, I think it should be offered to all year groups from Year 8 onwards.

I would highly recommend this book for all ages and genders.

[Danielle Welsh · Rating 4 out of 5]

After being in the Loves Me Not programme myself I did enjoy it! I read it a few months after so found it a useful refresher. Although I’m not in a relationship yet, I think this book held good information that I could still learn from even though it doesn’t apply to me yet. I think this book would be a good reference to me in the future!

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spotting The Bad.

An awesome guide for BOTH young men and women, to evaluate relationships, to spot the warning signs, to decisively seek help and break the connection. Also, for parents! How to support your youngster, ask the right questions and hopefully avert the tragedy, that happened to Sophie, her friends and family.

[Vicki Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very sad.

[Jordan Dawson · Rating 3 out of 5]

A generally good guide. Perhaps a bit vague in some sections, but overall well written and meaningful.

[Laurie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read. Signs to watch for in your partner or your friends relationships to keep yourself and your friends safe.

[Rebecca Buhler · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in school as part of our loves me not program, and I read it again a couple years ago. I think everyone in their teens and early twenties should read it, as well as everyone else tbh too

[Gina Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

An important read for anyone who wants to know about Sophie Elliot's case, how to formulate safe relationships, scenarios to think about and how to create an equal partnership.

[Kimberley Murphy · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you are currently in a relationship I suggest you read this book. There is advice in here which would show you what a healthy relationship is and also what an unhealthy relationship is. Whether in a relationship or not (like myself) there is always going to be something within this book which you can take away with you, you will have the advice with you forever and always.