What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Weirder and Harder to Relate To: A Memoir

by Mary Lucia

An iconic rock DJ of the Twin Cities tells her harrowing story of being stalked while living her very public life

What’s it like to be in the public spotlight when it just might get you killed? For Mary Lucia, becoming a wildly popular rock DJ meant connecting with a multitude of fans through a shared love of music and deep cuts. But for one listener, that connection became a dangerous obsession, catapulting Lucia into the terrifying three-year nightmare that she chronicles in this raw, wry, and profoundly courageous memoir. With electrifying wit and anger, Lucia shares her experience of navigating constant terror while life absurdly goes interview rock stars, curate a radio show song list, judge high school battles of the band, kick a drug addiction cold turkey . . . all while fearing what might be waiting in her mailbox or who might be waiting on her front step or at her back door.

Lucia was no stranger to inappropriate or weird contact from fans, but things turned sinister when ten pounds of raw meat were delivered to her at work, followed by a steady stream of ominous letters, cards, packages, and messages. When the letters included threats to her dogs’ safety, she tried to get help, but without a name and return address on these communications there was nothing she could do. As the stalker’s actions escalated, Lucia felt more and more isolated. Police responding to her 911 calls were insensitive and dismissive, and even her friends implied that being stalked was just a hazard of her high-profile job and her high-energy personality. No one seemed to take seriously the danger she faced.

Inseparable from this ordeal is the story of how Mary Lucia became the notorious radio malcontent known by so many avid listeners. From the good, bad, and weird of growing up in her eccentric family to drugs, death, and dogs, Lucia finally shares her life on her own terms in What Doesn’t Kill Me Makes Me Weirder and Harder to Relate To. Applying her signature dark humor to her own traumatic experiences, Lucia’s memoir is idiosyncratic, bold, and—ironically—relatable.

Retail e-book files for this title are screen-reader friendly with images accompanied by short alt text and/or extended descriptions.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Music, Biography Memoir

160 pages, Hardcover

Published November 25, 2025

Reviews

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC for review. To be published November 25, 2025.

3.5 stars

This interesting memoir is about a popular Minneapolis DJ who is stalked, but the book is broken up by the author’s reminiscences and general thoughts on life because she didn’t want the book to be too much of a downer.

I’m not from Minneapolis and I knew exactly nothing about Mary Lucia but I was interested in a real life case of stalking, plus I once had a radio show for a couple of years (I was no Mary Lucia) so I was also interested in her experiences at her radio station. I found the book compelling, both the parts about the stalker and otherwise.

[Danielle Malone · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a riveting and emotional read despite the somewhat disjointed writing style. I’m not sure how well it will translate to audiences outside of the Twin Cities. Luckily for me, I am not them.

[Alyssa Savino · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though Mary Lucia's sense of humor did not always resonate with me, and I found some of the "relief" chapters eye-rolly, it was so made up by the compelling story told! A shocking and appalling story of stalking AND the complete lack of protections for victims. And I loved the ending. "Anything that feels like it's holding your integrity hostage must be kicked to the curb" sentiments, I loved. And touching and genuine epilogue.

[Cara Achterberg · Rating 5 out of 5]

I literally laughed out loud reading this, and that's not like me. While the topic is a clearly a painful one for too many women, Lucia shares her story with such candor and humor, that it's an enjoyable read anyway. Loved all the rock and roll references and her completely irrevelant and intelligent style. Great book! I hope it won't be her last.
Thanks to Net Galley and the publisher for the opportunity to read/review.

[Maureen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This was a good book. The author recounts her harrowing experience as a public figure being stalked by a delusional “fan,” and the repercussions that she will always have to cope with. Her story is raw, heart wrenching and even humorous at times. I read this in a day. More from Mary Lucia please!

[Aimee · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved every moment of this book. "Looch" is as great a writer as she is a radio host, interviewer, and all-around badass. This book details the terrifying years Mary Lucia was being stalked and terrorized by a mentally unstable person. Sharing her own personal experience will undoubtedly help to validate other victims of stalking, who we come to learn are not very well supported by law enforcement, the judicial system, or sadly, sometimes even family and coworkers. But the book is so much more than that. It is also a dive into the dysfunction of family but goddamnit loving them anyway. And it's about the joy we can find in our lives by staying true to who we are and what we love--in Lucia's case--her dogs and cats, her loyal friendships, vintage clothes and furniture, and of course most of all--music. This book is terrible and wonderful all at once.

[Josie Pivec]

this was not for me, but I don’t believe at rating memoirs. read at your own risk!

[Lisa Horner · Rating 4 out of 5]

Minnesotans, and especially radio listeners, will likely enjoy this. I remember her on the radio, and the story of ML’s stalker was in the news. As a huge public radio fan/supporter I was disappointed to hear how “corporate” public radio let her down in so many ways, and how the criminal justice system as a whole failed her. As honest and witty memoir.

[Kayleigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I will be - and actually already have been - raving about this book to anyone and everyone who will listen. I devoured Mary's story in a couple of days...how engaging, how witty, how utterly terrifying! I'll wholeheartedly admit that I didn't know of Mary Lucia before I read this; now I wish to be her bff. For a book with such traumatic themes, her delivery walks the fine line between dread and humour perfectly.
The opening chapter had me weeping, as did the closing one. Everything in between was a rollercoaster of emotions, but this was ultimately a story being shared of a deeply distressing time in a person's life, exploring the frustration and helplessness, not to mention the all-consuming panic and terror brought on by existing as the target of a stalker.
As with much psychological terminology, discussion around stalkers is very much a misinformed topic, with even the supposed 'authorities' being completely inept at dealing with such offences. It is impossible to live while you're a target. Life becomes mere existence, with every part of your existence being violated by somebody else's actions. In Mary's case, this was undertaken by a total stranger, and it's revealed that he also targeted a colleague as the years went by.
Ultimately this book tickled my brain in a number of ways, and that is without a doubt down to the way Mary Lucia chose to narrate and share her story. A harrowing account of being stalked, integrated with childhood, family, music, and work, was all woven together seamlessly, in a voice that felt like your best friend telling you about her day, to deliver a thoroughly well-rounded book that I implore everyone to read.

What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Weirder and Harder to Relate To: A Memoir is available on November 25th 2025. I’d like to extend many great thanks to NetGalley and University of Minnesota Press for giving me the opportunity to read this book in advance of publication.

[Kari Thorsdottir · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved almost everything about this book. I lived in Minnesota when REV105 was on the air and truly loved listening to Mary Lucia. I'm definitely a fan. Since I moved away, I didn’t know anything about the harrowing stalking trauma she endured. Mary is a fantastic writer. She has an authentic style and retells stories with such amazing detail and clarity. A real honest, original voice. I didn’t need to hear an audio book version because while I was reading the physical book, I could hear her voice in my head. A delight!

My only quibble with the book is in chapter 5, where she recounts the impact of Prince’s death. She says, “…I have no interest to tour Paisley Park and absorb the staged personal objects,” followed by “I harbor no judgment; just saying I won’t be there.”

Hmm…sounds a bit…I don’t know…judgy?

And then, “I have my own Prince story which I will never tell.” I mean, this is *your* book. You’re the storyteller. That seemed like a smug way of saying “I know something you don’t know.” Could have just left that sentence out rather than rubbing our faces in it.

So, while this chapter felt tinged with pompous exclusivity (all you little nobodies going fan-crazy over Prince, desperate for a glimpse into his life), I sort of rolled my eyes, thinking to myself, “well, excuse me for a being a loser, I guess,” and I moved on.

Then along comes chapter 21, where she recounts her trip to Memphis. First thing about this chapter is that it’s kinda dull. It’s like your friend notating their slide show of their trip to somewhere that isn’t your cup of tea (I drove on this road! I went to Graceland! And these recording studios! The reception area had a desk and two chairs! I saw the Peabody ducks!)

Mmkay. Anyway…

But the kicker for me in chapter 21 was what she writes about being in Graceland: “I stood alongside everyone soaking in all its décor with utter reverence.”

Huh. Go figure. But anyone who wants to tour Paisley Park is some kind of fan-girling pleb?

So, I chalk all that up to being a “me problem”. Not going to ding the rating for it, because it is a dynamite book that I plan to recommend to anyone and everyone. And I still think she’s the bomb.

[Stone Cold Jane Austen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Mary Lucia was the omnipresent, deeply human voice of the Twin Cities for decades. She spoke to and for the citizens with a candor and empathy that defied conventional radio standards and created a sense of community. It is therefore heart wrenching to read her survivors account of being stalked by a stranger whose mental illness twisted that into a personal relationship that did not exist and the terror he introduced to her life for years. And just as bad is the deficit of support extended to her from just about every safety gauge in place - her employer (MPR), police and the legal system.

Always considerate of her listeners (and yes, listeners is accurate because this is so very authentic to her voice that you can hear her saying every word), Mary Lucia interjects family / pet stories and music musings between the stalking saga. She’s giving readers a breather and reminding us that her identity is not “victim.” Some are more successful than others however and ultimately too many of these segments erode the cohesiveness of the book. Would I enjoy knowing much more about her Minneapolis rock and roll adventures and musings — yes, ma’am! But we get bits and bobs here that don’t totally come together, along with some creaky creative writing exercises featuring pets. It contributes to the sense that there‘s a lot NOT being said. There is a distance maintained — for all sorts of obvious reasons — that inhibits a strong connection and more robust story. We get it and empathize, but it ultimately limits the narrative.

[Sheri · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 stars, rounding up. Reviewing a memoir is always hard. I often feel that by giving a lower rating or negative review that I am some how judging this person's and all their emotions that went with it, when that is never the case. I picked up an ARC of this book because I love memoirs and the title caught my attention. So the title... I guess I was just expecting more weirdness?! Ms. Lucia certainly had a traumatic event which fortunately, didn't kill her and made her stronger. But weirder? I didn't feel that at all. What I did get from the book is that the author had a horrible experience that forever changed her life. I learned a lot about the legalities involved in a stalking case as well as some DJ tidbits. The author can write and told some great stories but I just didn't feel that the book was very cohesive. She mentioned wanting to break up the stalking storyline with vignettes about her life but there wasn't much of a segue between most of them. The format just didn't work for me. I felt that a few stories also referenced someone in the rock and roll world that was fairly obscure except for true rock fans. Often times, the meaning of those paragraphs was just lost on me.
Thank you to Ms Lucia for sharing a very difficult time in her life. Thank you too to the author, publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

[coco's reading · Rating 3 out of 5]

I hate trying to rate memoirs, biographies, and autobiographies, because unless they're about someone/something I have a particular interest in, they usually end up being middle-of-the-road reads. Never would have got this for myself—I'd never heard of it—but I received this at my work's Christmas book swap, and I did write "the weirder, the better" on my prompt card.

As a memoir, Lucia's covers a lot of ground without being long-winded and rotates around her time as the target of stalking. Her honesty—in relation to the terror of a mentally unstable man forcing himself into her life, the frustration with people (law enforcement, bosses, family) who did not take this threat seriously, and her traumas and experiences with child neglect, substance and alcohol abuse, and self-harm—made for an intimate portrait proving that anyone (any woman) can be stalked. It does not matter your ethnicity, body size, fashion sense, age, and let's shout it, whether you're in a relationship with a man—there are certain individuals who think they have a right to your time, attention, and space. The outcome was less than satisfying and realistic for that reason, but what I found empowering was Lucia's self-awareness and the steps she describes taking to protecting and loving herself. Several chapters felt a bit untethered, as in I wish they'd been better connected to the through-line, but this was compulsively readable.

[Lisa Carlson · Rating 3 out of 5]

If former Minnesota radio broadcast personality Mary Lucia can get this published with this title and cover shot; there's immense hope for the rest of us who want a book on the shelf. There are glimmers of light in What Doesn't Kill Me Makes Me Weirder and Harder to Relate to. Lucia is certainly an original when it comes to just about everything. She is perhaps one of the best contrarians I have ever read about and I consider myself one. My favorite is page 56 where she has a list of ideas and believes perfection is a bore. Best one; dog parks are the only place where animals become verbal...revealing your dog's voice sounds like Leon Redbone or Renee Zellweger. But aside from the wit Lucia survives a stalker which is terrifying especially when the police think it is wasting their time, her family is simply bizarre and her favorite city to escape to is NY. The best blurb on the back is from the hilarious, talented Lizz Winstead..."Lucia writes for those who have been through s**t, has survived that s**t and who has their fears marginalized." Could not have said it better.

[Rachael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book made me mad! As it is supposed to. Lucia tells the story of her stalker and how little help she received from her employer (Minnesota Public Radio), law enforcement, and some members of her family. I was getting physically anxious at times. Lucia writes in her characteristic snide wit. Any listener familiar with her radio persona will instantly recognize that it's not a persona...it is her. Lucia makes it clear she is not the one to take on the mantle for all those harassed by stalkers, but it's clear that someone should. The laws are woefully inadequate. She writes: "There were plenty of times in which I was made to feel that the predator's privacy was of greater importance." I've witnessed a similar situation; unfortunately I think this is common.

Lucia mixes in lighter chapters amid the heaviness of her situation. Sometimes they seem wedged into the story, but also I understand why they are there.

[Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

I borrowed this book from my local SPPL purely because of the combination of its title, cover, and the fact that the jacket said someone got sent raw meat. The scenario detailed in the jacket honestly had me thinking this was a novel as opposed to someone’s lived experience. Little did I (someone who hasn’t ever really listened to The Current) know, this was the story of someone in my own city. Lucia writes with the perfect balance of humor and brevity—this was like reading a memoir by your witty, dry, sarcastic aunt who’s been through some serious shit. As someone who was also chastised in school for writing how they talk, I see you sister.

In the most I-promise-I’m-not-delusional-I-just-like-personal-memoirs way, this book felt like a much-needed five-hour-long debrief with a friend after something horrible has happened to them. Saying she went through some awful things is an understatement. Recommending this read to all of my friends on here.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to Mary Lucia for all the years she was on The Current. While I enjoy music, I’m not a “music person”- I often forget performer’s names, can rarely remember song titles, and can’t consistently identify which songs are Rolling Stones and which are Van Halen. So while I know I could never keep up with Looch, I frequently learned from her. It’s a joy listening to someone talk about the thing they are passionate about. I remember when she announced her break, and later when she left The Current. Her stories about that period are heartbreaking and enraging. The complete lack of control and safety is bewildering when dealing with someone who is not rational. It seems like we should have better ways to handle this, but we don’t.

Make sure to read her list of ways to improve the planet (po 56-58) and her Last Show Playlist May 12, 2022 (pp. 177-179). I’m really glad Mary Lucia didn’t break up with Minneapolis.

[₊˚✧SJ✧˚₊ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mary Lucia shares her experience of being stalked for over three years while working as a Radio Presenter. Despite the trauma Lucia experienced, you can see her hilarious and engaging personality in every chapter.

While delivered with humor, Lucia is still able to highlight the struggle that victims experience with gaslighting, victim-blaming, a flawed legal system and the ongoing lasting effects of having your safety jeopardized.

I’m glad that Lucia decided to share her story publicly and highlight the feelings of being helpless, powerless, violated, dismissed and diminished during those three years from family, friends, colleagues, police and the legal system. It’s an important reminder to believe victims.

Thank you NetGalley and University of Minnesota Press for sending this book for review consideration. All opinions are my own.

[Lydia Lucca · Rating 4 out of 5]

A local Minneapolis radio show host, beloved by Current listeners, tells about the 2 years she was stalked by a stranger who listened to the show. Gifts were sent to her work (like a chunk of meat?), then she got texts on her personal phone, then he showed up at her house. She recounts the mental and emotional difficulties, the legal obstacles, and the fall out of those years.

Mixed into the story of her stalking, Mary Lucia talks about random things that entertain her quirky brain, and about her dysfunctional family.

Overall a short, interesting read. A lot of the references were lost on me as a mostly non-musical individual, but she did a good job taking almost anyone along for the ride.

[Ellen Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was captivated by this memoir about Lucia’s experience with a stalker and I felt the same emotions she did. Rage at the system that doesn’t do enough, fear of what could happen, frustration that she couldn’t just live a normal life. Mixed into this book were comical stories from her which helped lighten the mood. Still, nothing took away from the seriousness of what she had to deal with and I hope many women that read this will become as determined as she was if they ever face a similar situation.

I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's just heartbreaking what Lucia went through. I've been a fan since her Rev105 days so I was excited when she talked about writing a book on her socials. The letter she read at the sentencing killed me.
I'll never forget when she played Willie Nelson's version of The Rainbow Connection on air, dedicating it to my wonderful kitty. India.
There were times I wanted her to write more, tell us more, flesh it out more for the reader. But. PTSD.
My wish for her is happiness, peace, love and rock and roll.

I'm so glad it turned out to be me.
*cries

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great memoir! I wasn’t familiar with the author before now but this book did not disappoint! Mary Lucia is hilarious and full of wit with tons of dark humor in the book. I found it to be eerily relatable even though I’ve never been stalked or sent meat or worked at a radio or had anyone know me. I would highly recommend this to anyone that’s been through trauma and likes to use humor to cope. Loved it 🌟

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sad and joyful. I loved how much Looch was willing to share about herself. Terrible how she was treated by MPR, the police, etc.

I share her feelings about Prince. How in a moment, his death made the Twin Cities feel different. I also loved his mystique and want it to remain. I never plan to go to Paisley Park.

It brought me joy to hear how as a kid growing up, she played pretend every chance she could!

I miss hearing her on the radio.

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't say they didn't warn me, it's right there in the title: Weirder and harder to relate to. Mary Lucia is a legend in local radio and her memoir definitely captures that legendary status and what made her so good as a DJ. But it also makes for an off-kilter memoir, especially when it mostly centers on her experience with a stalker and how the justice system and her do-gooder public radio employer both let her down.

[Holly Ristau · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this book because I had read a review that made me curious. Mary Lucia went through a terrible experiance, and I empathize with her, but I didn't like the writing or the author's attempts at humor...just didn't jibe with me. The book didn't seem very cohesive. There were chapters dropped in there in odd places that were descriptions of Lucia's family relationships. I didn't see how they added anything to the story.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the title. I really liked this true story of a lady DJ’s sickening experience with a stalker and the lengths he went to trying to get to her. She has a compelling way with words, and was so empathetic with listeners. It’s sad and scary how people have to mess with someone who is just trying to connect with others over some good music.

[Shannon Heaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very much a blast to read, but also heartbreaking for Minneapolis-area people because 'Looch' is an icon around here, and she wasn't served very well by the MPD, who failed her time after time after time in her battle to get free of a stalker, and by her place of employment, who never acknowledged her iconic status except when it might make them look good or get more donations.

[Joan Beckman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mary did an outstanding job conveying how her stalker robbed her of her wellbeing and how poorly the justice system protects people. Some of the side stories are also illuminating. However, the lack of specific chronology is challenging. And- lack of how she has worked to recover/what she is doing now along with her seeming dislike of the Twin Cities or why she stayed her is odd and off putting.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in one day. Her writing style is crisp and entertaining even though at times the subject matter haunting and scary. I hope she keeps writing because I love her point of view and quirky analogies.

[Beth]

A well-known Twin Cities Radio DJ tells her story of being stalked by a creep and how her job, the police, even friends and family didn’t really take it seriously at first. Also interspersed with stories of her life growing up and working in Minneapolis, and her obsession with pugs.