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Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love
Practical Guidance for Loving Others Well Everyone needs help from time to time, especially in the midst of painful circumstances and difficult trials. In this short book, a highly respected biblical counselor and successful author offers practical guidance for all Christians―pastors and laypeople alike―who want to develop their “helping skills” when it comes to walking alongside hurting people. Written out of the conviction that friends are the best helpers, this accessible introduction to biblical counseling will equip believers to share their burdens with one another through gentle words of wisdom and kind acts of love. This book is written for those eager to see God use ordinary relationships and conversations between ordinary Christians to work extraordinary miracles in the lives of his people.
176 pages, Paperback
First published April 30, 2015
516 people are currently reading
3414 people want to read
About the author
Edward T. Welch
95 books459 followersEdward T. Welch, M.Div., Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and faculty member at the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF). He has counseled for thirty years and is the best-selling author of many books including When People Are Big and God Is Small; Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave; Blame It on the Brain?; Depression: A Stubborn Darkness; Crossroads: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Addiction; Running Scared: Fear, Worry, and the God of Rest; and When I Am Afraid: A Step-by-Step Guide Away from Fear and Anxiety. He and his wife Sheri have two daughters, two sons-in-law, and four grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 462 reviews
September 20, 2017
Loved this book. I'm sure there are many church members who sometimes feel as though they are invisible or left out of circles of friends who have small children or for whatever reason, feel hurt and lonely within the body of Christ.
This book is full of suggested ways to become more interactive with your fellow Christians and even to develop friendships by for one thing, focusing attention on others instead of self. Full of helpful nuggets. Highly recommended.
This book is full of suggested ways to become more interactive with your fellow Christians and even to develop friendships by for one thing, focusing attention on others instead of self. Full of helpful nuggets. Highly recommended.
April 7, 2018
The three stars doesn't really reflect the quality of the book -- it is like saying a river is on average two feet deep. Parts of the book were outstanding, five stars, particularly near the end of the book. But the first part of the book seemed either pernicious (e.g. way too much emphasis on the word needy) or lamely orthodox. In other words, the book seemed really uneven to me.
August 6, 2022
This is a great little book to help believers help others in the body of Christ. It also shows some practical ways of how to let others help you (something that is often neglected in these discussions). Overall a good and short read for every believer. Highly recommended.
May 2, 2019
Actually This is my first book by Edward T. Welch . really I admired the book's cover . Unfortunately I am not good at writing reviewing like other. But I keen to read and absorb ideas from this marvelous book that I think so....
INTRODUCTION
We need help—that’s simply part of being human.” So writes Edward T. Welch, author of Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love. It’s relatively easy to ask for or offer help when it comes to action. But when it comes to soul help, we struggle. it’s hard to know how to move into the personal space of another. But God designed us for togetherness.
We don’t want to come off as needy. For most of us, it’s much easier to be the one helping than the one in need of help! That’s because being needy is a sign of weakness. What we fail to realize is that neediness is a valuable asset.
We need help, and we need to help others, and God has made provision for both. God has designed us to walk side by side as an interdependent body of weak people. The Book is divided into two main parts: being needy and being needed.
the book provides a brief overview; questions for discussion (groups) or reflection (individuals); and a recap of the questions posed at the conclusion of each book chapter.
I hope you enjoy it as mine
INTRODUCTION
We need help—that’s simply part of being human.” So writes Edward T. Welch, author of Side by Side: Walking with Others in Wisdom and Love. It’s relatively easy to ask for or offer help when it comes to action. But when it comes to soul help, we struggle. it’s hard to know how to move into the personal space of another. But God designed us for togetherness.
We don’t want to come off as needy. For most of us, it’s much easier to be the one helping than the one in need of help! That’s because being needy is a sign of weakness. What we fail to realize is that neediness is a valuable asset.
We need help, and we need to help others, and God has made provision for both. God has designed us to walk side by side as an interdependent body of weak people. The Book is divided into two main parts: being needy and being needed.
the book provides a brief overview; questions for discussion (groups) or reflection (individuals); and a recap of the questions posed at the conclusion of each book chapter.
I hope you enjoy it as mine
August 26, 2015
Distilled wisdom for personal ministry.
Don't be fooled by the size or simplicity of this slender volume. Welch has packed a lot of understanding of how people tick and how to help them into short sentences, paragraphs and chapters. Bears repeating.
Don't be fooled by the size or simplicity of this slender volume. Welch has packed a lot of understanding of how people tick and how to help them into short sentences, paragraphs and chapters. Bears repeating.
December 31, 2020
A good read!
I would say the style of the book is a bit more list like than I would prefer and I do not find the author’s writing style to be particularly captivating. However, the messages conveyed about the Gospel, sin, suffering, and loving well made it a worthwhile time investment. I will keep this book for future referencing during times where I need to walk well with someone, side-by-side.
I would say the style of the book is a bit more list like than I would prefer and I do not find the author’s writing style to be particularly captivating. However, the messages conveyed about the Gospel, sin, suffering, and loving well made it a worthwhile time investment. I will keep this book for future referencing during times where I need to walk well with someone, side-by-side.
October 16, 2021
I got off to a bumpy start disagreeing with a few of his statements that really need qualification and tightening up. But then it got better as he got really practical. This book is a great tool for improving the way the reader interacts with others. As always, the challenge in counseling books is not reading it and thinking, "oh, so&so really needs to read this!" I was encouraged and look forward to implementing these helpful guides in my conversations.
December 4, 2024
Very solid, simple, humbling book on what a culture of friendship based discipleship can look like. A friend of mine once said “the death of biblical friendship is the rise of counseling”. This book seeks to revive biblical friendship in hopes of diminishing the massive need for more counselors.
December 5, 2024
5 stars.
A short, to the point book with an abundance of practical points for opening up to others and helping them open up to you. I felt like this book was filled with simple nuggets of wisdom that I should’ve already known, will be referencing this book in the future.
There were varying degrees of deep and more shallow chapters, with a good sprinkling of conviction throughout. Would recommend to anyone looking to love others well through a biblical lens.
A short, to the point book with an abundance of practical points for opening up to others and helping them open up to you. I felt like this book was filled with simple nuggets of wisdom that I should’ve already known, will be referencing this book in the future.
There were varying degrees of deep and more shallow chapters, with a good sprinkling of conviction throughout. Would recommend to anyone looking to love others well through a biblical lens.
October 4, 2022
Very informative
February 22, 2024
Romans 12:15- Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.
This practical guide to walking with brothers and sisters in the faith does just that. ^
A must read for Christians who want to take their christian friendships to another level.
This practical guide to walking with brothers and sisters in the faith does just that. ^
A must read for Christians who want to take their christian friendships to another level.
August 11, 2025
I wanted to give this book 3.5 stars, so I rounded down to 3. It is a good book in the context of a women’s book study (how I read it) but I would not gain much from this book if I read it on my own. The goodness that comes out of this book is from the conversation it creates among a group of women, because people draw from their own experiences and wisdom as it relates to the book. What I took from this book, is really what I learned from the women I read it with. The discussion questions are helpful, and the discussion notes for the book study leader (apart from the book) are really helpful as well.
The positives of this book is that it helps us practically love the people in our community, and teaches us how to welcome others even when they are difficult to love. The book talks about suffering alongside others, and gives us practical ways and literal words to say, to be good friends to each other. However, a flaw that we saw was that it often seems as if the methods described in this book say “If A, then B.” “If you respond to a suffering friend this way, this is what will happen in your relationship with that friend, in your relationship with God as a result, etc.” Welch’s methods to be a helpful friend are insightful, but seem to simplify complex relationships, and promise outcomes. His goal is to tell readers that ordinary people are the most equipped to help those who are suffering, but many of us in the study found ourselves disagreeing with some of the points he made.
The positives of this book is that it helps us practically love the people in our community, and teaches us how to welcome others even when they are difficult to love. The book talks about suffering alongside others, and gives us practical ways and literal words to say, to be good friends to each other. However, a flaw that we saw was that it often seems as if the methods described in this book say “If A, then B.” “If you respond to a suffering friend this way, this is what will happen in your relationship with that friend, in your relationship with God as a result, etc.” Welch’s methods to be a helpful friend are insightful, but seem to simplify complex relationships, and promise outcomes. His goal is to tell readers that ordinary people are the most equipped to help those who are suffering, but many of us in the study found ourselves disagreeing with some of the points he made.
May 10, 2018
See...I was trying to be positive. I figured it couldn't be as bad as I thought it was, so I gave it a higher rating, thinking once our parish group discussed it, I'd see the light and understand why it was much better. But! Everybody else also...how shall I put it...had strong reservations regarding the quality of the content. It did get stronger toward the end, and the parish group discussion was the icing on the half-baked cake, so I'll factor that in and give the overall experience three stars.
* * * * *
This was a pretty quick listen-through before parish groups start reading together next week. It's also the first Welch book I've managed to make it through after starting three or four others. He's one of those guys who I know has a lot of good things to say, but I just don't find him an engaging writer. Audio helped. Looking forward to getting more out of it via group discussion.
* * * * *
This was a pretty quick listen-through before parish groups start reading together next week. It's also the first Welch book I've managed to make it through after starting three or four others. He's one of those guys who I know has a lot of good things to say, but I just don't find him an engaging writer. Audio helped. Looking forward to getting more out of it via group discussion.
November 13, 2025
Side by Side challenged and reminded me of ways that I can walk with others in wisdom and in love, especially in discipleship.
Since reading this book, I have particularly been considering how I can have more thoughtful conversations; how I can tell effective stories; how I can pray and follow up more often; and how I can help fellow sinners in their sin struggles.
I recommend the read - the chapters are fairly short, which makes for great meditation - added bonus!
Since reading this book, I have particularly been considering how I can have more thoughtful conversations; how I can tell effective stories; how I can pray and follow up more often; and how I can help fellow sinners in their sin struggles.
I recommend the read - the chapters are fairly short, which makes for great meditation - added bonus!
Read
February 12, 2025Read this for my study program and also, I’m leading small groups on it.
Realized I needed this to keep growing in how to better help those around me. Loved the practical ways he gives on how to ask for help and how to be there for others who do or don’t seek it. Learned how to better ask for prayer and why should I.
Remember *the* story…the past, the present and the future… and be amazed and changed by how beautifully was written 💙
Realized I needed this to keep growing in how to better help those around me. Loved the practical ways he gives on how to ask for help and how to be there for others who do or don’t seek it. Learned how to better ask for prayer and why should I.
Remember *the* story…the past, the present and the future… and be amazed and changed by how beautifully was written 💙
January 4, 2023
A very helpful book on walking with one another through life and our need for true grace centred community where suffering and sinnaren’t hidden but brought into the light. Very practical and a good read for any Christian.
January 11, 2022
I can't recommend this book enough. Rich in encouragements and helpful not in just in the area of counseling but in growing towards discipleship overall. Humble, approachable, readable, accessible - this book would serve you and your church family well if you take the wisdom and principles to heart.
September 5, 2020
Really helpful for helping people to get an idea of what intentional, committed friendships in the body of Christ should look like and how they work.
March 31, 2025
This book felt simple and profound and super practical. I think reading it made me more compassionate!
October 21, 2025
Lots of insight in helping others, looking to Christ, acknowledging the hurt and moving towards the God of all comfort.
December 14, 2022
While Welch offers practical, helpful advice, fleshing out our command as a body of believers to bear each other’s burdens in the spirit of God’s grace moving toward us…I really don’t think I would hand this book to someone else.
The biggest problem I had was the damaging language and focus in the book’s section titles: “We Are Needy” and “We Are Needed.” While I understand the idea he was trying to assert — that we are indeed fragile, broken, and in need of God’s grace that sometimes comes to us in the form of others’ help, I do feel like the terms “needy” and “neediness” today have the connotation of “codependency” and “you are a burden.” If you’ve ever been called needy, you know it isn’t a great feeling. While the practice of humbly admitting our need for God and others is good, his overemphasis our neediness and having to be needy and being needed by others was excessive. We have to be careful with idolizing the idea of needing brothers and sisters lest we become selfish or forget that Christ is enough and we also have to be careful with getting caught up in the idea that others need us because that leads to pride. HAVING A NEED gives a much clearer idea than BEING NEEDY. Honestly…he could have just used a different word.
I might be taking this out of context, but Welch’s fixation on neediness contradicts his own quote in When People are Big and God is Small LOL: “Regarding other people, our problem is that we need them (for ourselves) more than we love them (for the glory of God).” Huh.
Chapter 2’s statements about our hearts went a little overboard. He says we are our emotions and that they identify us, but we aren’t defined by our emotions; our identity is in Christ. Strong statements here about good in people and needs to specify whether he’s referring to believers or non-believers. How can we do good apart from God working through us (Isaiah 64:6)? He also really needs to clarify to the reader why he quotes Psalm 22 from Christ’s point of view in Chapter 3.
The statements he’s so starkly against saying to others in Chapter 12 were not that bad? I’ve definitely had people ask me what God is teaching me through a trial, remind me that God works things together for good, or tell me to let them know if I need anything…all very helpful and encouraging. It’s different for everyone, and his opinions aren’t backed up by scripture, but he goes “Let’s agree we will never say them.” ??? His writing style comes off as so condescending, which also shows through his lists of stereotypical categories for temptations/the easily tempted, which feel polarizing. His stories were unrealistic, choppily written, and at times stereotyping as well.
To be fair, this book sparked thoughtful and edifying conversation with my small group. God did use our discussions and reading to work in my heart to be more open to others, mirroring God’s grace and movement towards me. To admit my weaknesses and pain to God, view my story in light of the Gospel, have compassion for and see the good in others who are harder to love, and be okay with asking for help are all healthy habits to strive for as believers and members of Christ’s church.
The biggest problem I had was the damaging language and focus in the book’s section titles: “We Are Needy” and “We Are Needed.” While I understand the idea he was trying to assert — that we are indeed fragile, broken, and in need of God’s grace that sometimes comes to us in the form of others’ help, I do feel like the terms “needy” and “neediness” today have the connotation of “codependency” and “you are a burden.” If you’ve ever been called needy, you know it isn’t a great feeling. While the practice of humbly admitting our need for God and others is good, his overemphasis our neediness and having to be needy and being needed by others was excessive. We have to be careful with idolizing the idea of needing brothers and sisters lest we become selfish or forget that Christ is enough and we also have to be careful with getting caught up in the idea that others need us because that leads to pride. HAVING A NEED gives a much clearer idea than BEING NEEDY. Honestly…he could have just used a different word.
I might be taking this out of context, but Welch’s fixation on neediness contradicts his own quote in When People are Big and God is Small LOL: “Regarding other people, our problem is that we need them (for ourselves) more than we love them (for the glory of God).” Huh.
Chapter 2’s statements about our hearts went a little overboard. He says we are our emotions and that they identify us, but we aren’t defined by our emotions; our identity is in Christ. Strong statements here about good in people and needs to specify whether he’s referring to believers or non-believers. How can we do good apart from God working through us (Isaiah 64:6)? He also really needs to clarify to the reader why he quotes Psalm 22 from Christ’s point of view in Chapter 3.
The statements he’s so starkly against saying to others in Chapter 12 were not that bad? I’ve definitely had people ask me what God is teaching me through a trial, remind me that God works things together for good, or tell me to let them know if I need anything…all very helpful and encouraging. It’s different for everyone, and his opinions aren’t backed up by scripture, but he goes “Let’s agree we will never say them.” ??? His writing style comes off as so condescending, which also shows through his lists of stereotypical categories for temptations/the easily tempted, which feel polarizing. His stories were unrealistic, choppily written, and at times stereotyping as well.
To be fair, this book sparked thoughtful and edifying conversation with my small group. God did use our discussions and reading to work in my heart to be more open to others, mirroring God’s grace and movement towards me. To admit my weaknesses and pain to God, view my story in light of the Gospel, have compassion for and see the good in others who are harder to love, and be okay with asking for help are all healthy habits to strive for as believers and members of Christ’s church.
July 19, 2021
Such a helpful, practical book on how wisely love others through our conversations. The working assumption or 'lens' of this book is that we are needy & ordinary people, but through a relationship knowing Jesus Christ, are enabled & empowered to be helpful and needed people to others. I appreciate the punchy & practical chapters, which makes it a very accessible read. Had the privilege of reading the book in preparation for a workshop led by Ed Welch as part of Biblical Counselling Australia, which supplemented the book very well with case studies and personal stories.
June 14, 2024
The first half is good but the second half is exceptional. Extremely practical advice to doing life alongside others. I would urge everyone to read this, but particularly every man - us men seem especially pathetic at genuine friendships beyond shared interests. I think I will seek to re-read this regularly.
January 7, 2024
This was my second time through this book, and I was equally encouraged as when I first picked it up years ago. Packed with practical wisdom, Side by Side lays out a biblical model for walking with others in humility and love.
August 29, 2018
Clear, concise, very practical.
January 8, 2023
I had wished this book had come out earlier than it did, but I probably wasn't ready for it until a few years ago.
March 7, 2018
This book is like a manual for getting through life with others when your goal is becoming more like Christ. It's short it but it covers a lot and is helpfully broken down into specific topics to be easy to reference.
The books starts with the idea that we are needy and we are needed. Giving and needing help are both essential in the life of a Christian. Anything that reminds us that we are dependent on God and others is a good thing. Welch writes that friends are the best helpers because they come prepackaged with love and compassion - they just need wisdom. The book is devoted to equipping friends understand their own neediness and being willing to move toward others in their neediness. To walk with them Side by Side.
The author has really helpful discussions about suffering and sin - their pitfalls and how God uses them in our lives to grow us. Suffering leaves us spiritually vulnerable so emotional suffering always needs help. Our hearts interpret our circumstances. There is good in our hearts (being made in the image of God), there is bad in our hearts. Jesus encourages the good and rehabilitates the bad (we should be like Him and encourage the good we see while confronting the bad).
When difficult circumstances and our heart meet, there is a conversation back and forth. It can be wise and hopeful, or it can be foolishness that parades as wisdom.
The flow might go like this:
Our troubles usually start the internal conversation, "This is painful. Why is this happening?"
Spiritual beings (and I would say our own sinful nature/desires) ask/tempt us, "Does God really care?"
God also speaks his truth (through his word, other believers, etc.).
Our heart responds.
This conversation changes the experience of our suffering. It can make it more painful and despairing, or it can make it lighter and full of hope/peace. Others can help us steer that conversation.
Welch writes, "Suffering brings out our sin. When life is trouble-free we may confuse our personal satisfaction with faith. We can think that God is good and that we are pleased with him though be pleased less with him than we are with the ease of life. When life is hard, and remains hard, the allegiance of our life becomes more apparent."
Sin itself is not good. But to see sin is good. It's part of the "rescue package" of the Good News. Encourage someone when they confess sin. It's only God that would cause him/her to do so.
Recognizing our own neediness in sin and suffering is the first step in being able to move toward others. God always takes the initiative. We should move toward others in his name.
As we move toward others, we will talk with them about sin and suffering. We will ask questions, and follow up, and try to go deeper and follow up, and pray and follow up. If you're not sure where to start, there are conversation starters, and examples of questions and responses to help. The author admits that it's often awkward and uncomfortable, but we can't let that get in the way of the good that God wants to do in our lives and in our friends' lives as a result of these conversations.
There's great material for praying for others (praying for circumstances and for matters of the heart, things seen and unseen; how to initiate it; how to follow up), being alert to Satan's devices, and for sharing wisdom and encouragement when talking to others about their sin and their suffering (like resisting the urge to commiserate when someone is in sin, or trying to make them feel better and lessen their guilt, and what to avoid saying when someone is suffering).
At the end of each chapter, there are 2-3 questions for "discussion and response." I really appreciated the questions because they encourage very specific application and reflection.
This book is very practical, but it also lays a great, biblical foundation for why we struggle and how we can help each other in our struggles. It's challenging because of how easy it is to be lazy in our relationships but it's encouraging because it shows the joyful outcome of doing this well.
The audiobook narrator was a little strange. I appreciated some of his animation, but something about his pace/tone threw me off. I'm looking forward to going through this again in print and with at least one other person.
The books starts with the idea that we are needy and we are needed. Giving and needing help are both essential in the life of a Christian. Anything that reminds us that we are dependent on God and others is a good thing. Welch writes that friends are the best helpers because they come prepackaged with love and compassion - they just need wisdom. The book is devoted to equipping friends understand their own neediness and being willing to move toward others in their neediness. To walk with them Side by Side.
The author has really helpful discussions about suffering and sin - their pitfalls and how God uses them in our lives to grow us. Suffering leaves us spiritually vulnerable so emotional suffering always needs help. Our hearts interpret our circumstances. There is good in our hearts (being made in the image of God), there is bad in our hearts. Jesus encourages the good and rehabilitates the bad (we should be like Him and encourage the good we see while confronting the bad).
When difficult circumstances and our heart meet, there is a conversation back and forth. It can be wise and hopeful, or it can be foolishness that parades as wisdom.
The flow might go like this:
Our troubles usually start the internal conversation, "This is painful. Why is this happening?"
Spiritual beings (and I would say our own sinful nature/desires) ask/tempt us, "Does God really care?"
God also speaks his truth (through his word, other believers, etc.).
Our heart responds.
This conversation changes the experience of our suffering. It can make it more painful and despairing, or it can make it lighter and full of hope/peace. Others can help us steer that conversation.
Welch writes, "Suffering brings out our sin. When life is trouble-free we may confuse our personal satisfaction with faith. We can think that God is good and that we are pleased with him though be pleased less with him than we are with the ease of life. When life is hard, and remains hard, the allegiance of our life becomes more apparent."
Sin itself is not good. But to see sin is good. It's part of the "rescue package" of the Good News. Encourage someone when they confess sin. It's only God that would cause him/her to do so.
Recognizing our own neediness in sin and suffering is the first step in being able to move toward others. God always takes the initiative. We should move toward others in his name.
As we move toward others, we will talk with them about sin and suffering. We will ask questions, and follow up, and try to go deeper and follow up, and pray and follow up. If you're not sure where to start, there are conversation starters, and examples of questions and responses to help. The author admits that it's often awkward and uncomfortable, but we can't let that get in the way of the good that God wants to do in our lives and in our friends' lives as a result of these conversations.
There's great material for praying for others (praying for circumstances and for matters of the heart, things seen and unseen; how to initiate it; how to follow up), being alert to Satan's devices, and for sharing wisdom and encouragement when talking to others about their sin and their suffering (like resisting the urge to commiserate when someone is in sin, or trying to make them feel better and lessen their guilt, and what to avoid saying when someone is suffering).
At the end of each chapter, there are 2-3 questions for "discussion and response." I really appreciated the questions because they encourage very specific application and reflection.
This book is very practical, but it also lays a great, biblical foundation for why we struggle and how we can help each other in our struggles. It's challenging because of how easy it is to be lazy in our relationships but it's encouraging because it shows the joyful outcome of doing this well.
The audiobook narrator was a little strange. I appreciated some of his animation, but something about his pace/tone threw me off. I'm looking forward to going through this again in print and with at least one other person.
September 25, 2024
“Yet weakness—or neediness—is a valuable asset in God’s community. Jesus introduced a new era in which weakness is the new strength. Anything that reminds us that we are dependent on God and other people is a good thing. Otherwise, we trick ourselves into thinking that we are self-sufficient, and arrogance is sure to follow. We need help, and God has given us his Spirit and each other to provide it.”
BARS and BANGERS! Would read again. A super quick and EASY read with some quality information.
BARS and BANGERS! Would read again. A super quick and EASY read with some quality information.
did-not-finish
September 15, 2022I guess all these books I've been starting and then stopping are helping me work quickly through my to-read list, but I was sad about this one. It sounded so good.
First off, the narrator for this books will put you to sleep. Not in a nice, soothing way, just because he's montine.
Second, after a couple of chapters that were talking about good Christian practices but wasn't connecting that to walking with others, I decided I could probably find better books on the subject.
First off, the narrator for this books will put you to sleep. Not in a nice, soothing way, just because he's montine.
Second, after a couple of chapters that were talking about good Christian practices but wasn't connecting that to walking with others, I decided I could probably find better books on the subject.
May 15, 2024
As others have shared, there are some practical things in this book that lead me to think every Christian should read this book at least once. It gives more practical ways than any book I've read on the subject. Many believers don't know how to help their brothers and sisters who suffer/have suffered or sin/have sinned differently than them. This books will help people push past that to find deeper fellowship.
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