Intrigo delizioso

Chocolate Lovers #2

by Tara Sivec

Carter, Claire e Gavin hanno formato la famigliola perfetta. I loro amici si sposano e tutti diventano adulti, maturano e si apprestano ad affrontare il futuro. O no?
Dopo esser passati attraverso l’inferno delle feste di addio al nubilato, le dipendenze pornografiche, i panini morbidi e le proposte di matrimonio raffazzonate per scoprire che la famiglia allargata di chiunque è composta da pazzi, Carter e Claire cominciano a mettere in discussione la forza dei legami che li uniscono. Purtroppo, questi legami non hanno nulla a che fare con le manette pelose e dipendono invece dal progredire delle differenze tra loro.
Saranno i loro amici a creare confusione con i loro commenti inappropriati e il bisogno di sapere tutto, o convinceranno la coppia che il lieto fine a volte può davvero iniziare con una sfida di beer pong?

Genres: Romance, Humor, Contemporary, Contemporary Romance, Chick Lit, Adult, Comedy

234 pages, Paperback

First published September 13, 2012

About the author

Tara Sivec is a USA Today best-selling author, wife, mother, chauffeur, maid, short-order cook, baby-sitter, and sarcasm expert. She lives in Ohio with her husband and two children and looks forward to the day when all three of them become adults and move out.

After working in the brokerage business for fourteen years, Tara decided to pick up a pen and write instead of shoving it in her eye out of boredom. She writes in a wide range of genres including Romantic Comedy, Romantic Comedy/Mystery, Romantic Suspense, New Adult Drama, Contemporary Romance and Psychological Thriller. Her novel Seduction and Snacks won first place in the Indie Romance Convention Reader's Choice Awards 2013 for Best Indie First Book and she was voted Best Indie Author in the Indie Romance Convention Reader's Choice Awards 2014.

In her spare time, Tara loves to dream about all of the baking she'll do and naps she'll take when she ever gets spare time.

Reviews

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. And the author is so nice and pretty and nice.

[Tough Critic Book Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

On the day of its release, I knew I needed to study instead of reading Futures & Frosting. So I made a deal with myself...I would only read F&F while in the bathroom. Well after 2 gallons of water and eating my weight in oatmeal...I finished. Yep, 24 hours spent in the bathroom with no sleep...Finished! Suck it loop holes!

I was absolutely terrified to read this book. It would be impossible for someone to be that funny two books in a row. Right? I mean how many vag one-liners can you throw out there before the vagina goes dry? The world may never know! Tara Sivec is human KY! She is the literary lubricant to humor! It's like everything Tara Sivec touches turns to funny!

The plots, the crazy situations, the intimate moments...GAVIN! This book had everything in addition to its real hilarity! Gavin might poop money, but I'm pretty sure Tara Sivec poops awesome! Give her vagina a cape people because she's a f**kin superhero!

This book was one big orgy! I was seduced by amazing characters, touched by passion and romance, and f**ked by humor! I'm pretty sure I just got pregnant with awesome!


Just in case you missed Seduction & Snacks http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...

[Fatima · Rating 4 out of 5]

F-U-C-K, A-S-S, S-H-I-T



My tummy hurts and I blame you for it ! Good god , you'd think Tara Sivec might have tamed her ways with her over the top comedy ( Which I love by the way ) but nooooooooooooooooo the woman just keeps getting better and better !

Futures and Frosting is just like the icing on top of a cake , make that chocolate cake , with a cherry on top and chocolate tid bits on the sides and also some melted chocolate drizzle for that extra flavor ! YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM !

Carter , Claire , Gavin and the entire circus is back with more fun , more weird situations and more crazy t-shirts . Liz and Jim's impending wedding , Carter and Claire's 'getting used to each other' life style , Jenny and Drew's odd .... sexual innuendos and tastes and Drew and his 'laugh out loud but cringe a little' T-shirts were all a treat to read !

This book is a perfect example of life and the things it throws at you . Its not all fun and games at times , but if you've got your ass covered by your friends and family then all the shit dont matter yo ! I loved the ending and the Epilogue was just perfect ! The prologue was crazy and for a moment I thought , ' Ain't this shit real ?! There's something , like one little thing that always annoys the crap out of you and it has to be or by this person that you love more than your own life !!! '

I absolutely loved this book and cant wait to read more from Tara Sivec !! Rock on girl , rock on !!!

[Aestas Book Blog · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t think any author has ever made me laugh as hard as Tara Sivec has in. my. life!!

I’m pretty sure I laughed more in a single page of this book than I have in the whole of most other books (and yes, I’m talking about the funny ones). I cried, snorted and howled with laughter (dignity be damned) and honestly, my cheeks still hurt from grinning.

Seriously, even the table of contents had me smiling:

Chapter 8: The Incredible Shrinking Penis
Chapter 14: Porn and Snozzberries
Chapter 15: Just Say No to Necrophelia
Chapter 16: Son of a Face Turd

This book starts off right after the end of book 1,Seduction and Snacks . Claire, Carter, and their hilariously adorable, smart mouthed 4-year-old son Gavin are living together and dealing with the realities of a HEA…. you know, like having to put up with each other snoring at 5am … we’ve all been there lol.

“I have a dream.
And in this dream I’m under the covers in bed, just a few scant inches away from Carter’s body. I stare at his prone form lying next to me, the greenish-blue glow from the alarm clock on the bedside table providing just enough illumination for me to see the shallow rise and fall of his chest. The sheet is draped low over his hips as he sleeps peacefully with one arm flung over his eyes and the other resting on his taut, naked stomach. I slide my body ever so slowly across the bed, careful not to disturb him, until I’m so close I can feel the heat from his skin warming me from head to toe. I pull my arms out from under the sheet and my hands reach out towards him. I connect with his smooth, muscular chest, slide my fingers up his body, and…choke the ever living shit out of him.”

At the same time they are dealing with figuring each other and their feelings for each other out. Despite loving each other very deeply, they each have insecurities and things they need to work out. Their journey towards that is filled with toilet seat battles (involving superglue and penises… ’nuff said), drunken Facebook status (all I’m gonna say is “Spitters are Quitters“ ), pot cookies, ring bearer pillow fights… oh my gosh the hilarity just goes on and on.

“Whoa dude… You just said f-u-c-k in front of the Virgin Mary. Show some respect,” Drew scolds.
“What’s a virgin?” Gavin asks…
“Uh, it’s a kind of chicken,” I stammer. “Very rare. No one talks about it.”

Its a pretty short read – I’d have finished it in one sitting if I didn’t start it at 2am. I found a few parts a little over the top, and there were a few moments when I really just wanted to lock Claire and Carter in a closet together until they talked about their feelings, but it was never in doubt how crazy they both were about each other and for that (and the never ending laughs) I loved the ride. Not to mention that apart from the majority of the book that had me doubled over with laughter, there are also some beautiful “awwww” moments that made me sigh dreamily. Who knew beer pong could be so swoony?!

Carter should definitely be added to the list of men who should be cloned and distributed…. just sayin’ :P

“I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters.”

And I just wanted to say a big THANK YOU to Tara for adding my blog to the list of acknowledgments at the front of the book. I totally squeed out loud when I saw it. You rock!!!!



Teehee and I just had to share my runner-up for when I was casting Carter:



For more of my reviews, visit Aestas Book Blog

And come join the Aestas Book Blog Facebook Page

[Carol [Goodreads Addict] · Rating 5 out of 5]

Futures and Frosting is the second book in the Chocolate Lovers series by Tara Sivec. This book is a continuation of Claire and Carter’s story. It might be even a little crazier than the first book with plenty of laugh out loud moments.

Claire and her son, Gavin have moved in with Carter and they are a family now. They’ve only been together for a few months which might seem fast but they just know that this is where they all need to be. Jim and Liz are getting married soon and the whole gang is gearing up for the wedding festivities. Claire may not have had the best example set for her as far as marriage goes since her parents have been divorced several times, both from each other and also others. She knows she loves Carter but admits she just might not be marriage material. But seeing her best friend marry the man she loves starts Claire on the marriage crazy train. Suddenly the woman who wanted nothing to do with wedding bells can think of nothing else.

Carter knows that Claire is it for him. And he wants nothing more than to marry her. But Claire has said more than once that marriage isn’t for her. Still, Carter is determined to plan the perfect proposal.

This book is stuffed full of crazy antics as this group of friends finds themselves in all sorts of situations. And don’t forget little five year old Gavin who spews all sorts of inappropriate things that he’s heard from his no filter parents and their friends. Above everything, though, Claire and Carter’s love is getting stronger every day. They are crazy busy with Claire and her best friend, Liz’s business, Seduction and Snacks, with Carter working shift work, and of course Gavin keeping everyone on their toes. But they continue to grow closer, they laugh, they love, and they eat plenty of chocolate!

The next book is going to be Drew and Jenny’s book in Troubles and Treats. I cannot even imagine the trouble that Drew will dream up! I can’t wait to get started!

For more about this book and so many others, come and visit me at Carol's Crazy Bookish World.
https://www.facebook.com/groups/Carol...

[Blair · Rating 5 out of 5]

IT IS FINALLY AVAILABLE!!!



WOOHOO I'M SO EXCITED!!

I foresee huge girl fight in the near future over being Tara Sivec's new bff . I think I could win it because I'm a very scrappy fighter. Nearly every review I've seen of this book starts with the words: I'm in love with Tara Sivec, I want to be her bff, etc. And for good reason!! This is quite simply the funniest book I've ever read. I don't even know if I can put together a full review - I finished this book around 3 am last night and I'm still processing it. I might just have to fill up the rest of this space with quotes!

If for some reason you've stumbled upon this review and you haven't read F&F or Seduction and Snacks then we can't be friends. Just kidding....but seriously, go read it right now because it's so frigging hilarious you will probably piss your pants laughing and/or join the legion of women developing gigantic girl crushes on Tara Sivec.

Urban Dictionary Definition:
girl crush
noun
an overwhelming sense of awe felt by a girl for another girl elicited by varying causes ranging from deep respect to unadulterated lust. may result in the any or all of the following: general euphoria, prolonged sense of inspiration, desire for intellectual-intercouse with crush, simple sexual arousal, etc.

Does that describe you? Leave a comment! ;)

[Georgia ♥ · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book of everyday people who love madly, obsess in technicalities and despair, drink too much, curse aloud, can't control their children, want to hug and choke their friends, watch porn and work their asses off. A book about you or me or somebody who smiled you across the street!

It's comedy, it is supposed to be exaggerated!! Don't stick to the details, I enjoyed it so much because I let the events remind me of occasions that I wanted to throttle my parents, kill my friends or myself. It reminded me of humiliations and joys. And okay sometimes you bang your head because some situation are just plain ridiculous!

Beware people: You will laugh until you cry, fell of your chair and your mother will call the EMTs to perform CPR to you!


In this second book Carter shares the spotlight with Claire and he is a joy to read!

In the whole book he tries to find the perfect moment to propose to her and being in his head, you get his love for his new-found family, his humour and his passion. Silly man, you needed to test our patience, to realise that every moment with your person is PERFECT!

I should ask her to marry me now. If I do it while she’s coming, she probably won’t be able to say no. It would be physically impossible. Like performing a sex exorcism. THE POWER OF THE ORGASM COMPELS YOU!

Gavin is his usual amazing self!


He evens gets to be interviewed and he is precociously adorable!

Gavin is quite obviously fond of both of his parents. When asked what his favorite thing about his father was he replied, ‘He tucks me in at night and tells me that if I eat my green beans my wiener will grow big and strong just like his,’” Carter reads with a laugh.
“I’m buying that kid a Porsche. He just told all of America that I have a big, strong penis.

But everyone who loved Claire's voice, don't worry! She is still here!

"Really? Because I’m pretty sure we conceived this child the night I ate that pot cookie. I’m eighty-four percent positive our child is going to be born a pot head. It’s going to come out with dreadlocks and wearing a Bob Marley onesie. Its first word will probably be, ‘Whaaaaaazzzzzzzzuuuuup’. It’s never, ever going to sleep through the night because it’s always going to have the munchies."

And finally we get an explanation of her behaviour and the first chapter of the first book who turned many away from reading it.

I had put up a wall all my life to protect myself. If I pretended like I didn’t really want the American dream of a husband and kids, then eventually I would believe it and no one would be able to hurt me. Until Liz and Jim’s wedding, I didn’t realize just how much I wanted that wall to crack.

So, no more excuses people!! Read these books!!!
Thank you Tara Sivec, I ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY love your books!

[Passion For Pages · Rating 2 out of 5]

Toss up between 1.5 and 2 stars

Oh where to start?

The first novel in this series I found humorous. There were parts I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. I loved Drew and Gavin because he reminded me a friend’s little boy. Reading the other reviews of Futures and Frosting I expected much of the same comedic style. And I wasn’t wrong. However, this time I found the humour in the book more annoying than enjoyable.

I liked Claire the first time around. I could identify with her as a mother who didn’t want children and then suddenly bam! we have kids. How the author described her and her interactions with Gavin I thought she was a great mother. This time though, her mothering skills went down the toilet. She always seemed to be getting sloshed and eating pot cookies—which I know, wasn’t her fault really. I just think her character was way too immature this time around to be taken seriously as a 25 year old mother. But then I guess the whole point of the book isn’t all that serious, is it?

I have no real feelings towards Carter. Sure he seems like the greatest guy in the world and he’s someone every girl wants to trap and bring home to their parents. He had a few good one liners—but then all of them did—and that’s as far as it went for me.

Now Gavin. Dear God Gavin. This kid went from, “OMG this kid is outrageously hilarious” to “OMG this kid needs a good old fashioned spanking”. Sivec pushed it too far with this little guy, in my opinion, with what parents would let their children away with. Even the child I know that I compared him too doesn’t go as far as Gavin does. Why? Because his parents DISCIPLINE him! Why wasn’t anyone disciplining this child? Every once in a while Claire or Carter would tell him not to say something, but if you’re laughing while you’re “scolding” it doesn’t say much, does it?

The only thing that I actually enjoyed about this one was the way Carter proposed to Claire. And Drew. Because I could never get enough Drew. But am I the only one who thought of Friends where Mike was trying to propose to Phoebe and it just kept screwing up? Because that’s all I could think about. But in the end, I really did love how Carter decided to do it.

But this book still fell flat and just didn’t do it for me. Honestly, the best part of the whole book for me would probably be the cover. I do love the cover.

[Dinjolina · Rating 2 out of 5]

My brain hurts from trying to process this constant fun-o-rama... I have never seen/read some many one-liners in one place. THE AGONY! OH, THE AGONY!

Edit: Why is this a freaking 4-5 star book on goodreads? :O

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

5++++++++++ Stars time infinity!

"MY WIENER EXPLODED!"
Carter drops his arms from my waist, and I jump around in horror at Gavin's scream.
"Never mind. I just spillded milk on it. I have a milk wiener now."

Seriously people, I have fallen in love with Tara Sivec and her Chocolate Lovers series. If her books were a dude I would shower him with hugs, kisses and maybe a bj here and there. To quote Barney Stinson of How I Met your Mother, Futures and Frostings was

LEGEN…….*wait for it*…….DARY!

I was a little hesitant as to whether or not Tara Sivec could pull off another laugh out loud book as funny as Seductions and Snacks, but it seems I was worrying for nothing because Futures and Frostings was AWESOME. If you haven’t read Seductions and Snacks yet, then I will give you 3 minutes to head on over to Amazon or Barnes & Noble to purchase the book….NOW! On the way back you might want to grab a diaper or feminine napkin because I swear to you that you’ll start to think you’ve formed some bladder leakage problem when reading these books. When I say that this book was hilarious please note that I am making it with my most serious face. It’s freaking hilarious!

In Futures and Frostings, Claire and Carter are settling in their new relationship. The three are shacked up together and things are looking up for the family. Claire’s snack shop has been a great success and Carter couldn’t be any happier being a father to his and Claire’s son, Gavin.

“I should ask her to marry me now. If I do it while she’s coming, she probably won’t be able to say no. it would be physically impossible. Like performing a sex excorcist. THE POWER OF THE ORGASM COMPELS YOU!”

Now while Claire, Drew and Gavin have some of the funniest lines in this book, my favorite character in Futures and Frostings was Carter. I pretty much loved the guy from the get go but in Futures and Frostings he elevated his heart throb status exponentially by proving to Claire how much of a standup-kind-of-guy he is. Most young men would probably have freaked out if they found out they were the father to a four-year old. He is completely smitten by Claire and Gavin and wishes nothing but for them to be a real family. Throughout the book Carter pretty much tries to come up with the best way to propose to Claire but his attempts always seem to be thwarted by someone. In Carter’s case, Claire is the person who usually ruins his plans.

“I played beer pong and all I got was this lousy t-shirt, knocked up, and a fiancé”.

While Carter is off hatching his proposal plans, Claire is pretty much driving herself crazy with the thoughts of marriage. After her best friend’s wedding, Claire has been unable to stop thinking about wanting to marry Carter. Afraid of Carter’s reaction to the thoughts of marriage, Claire tries to mask her true feelings by constantly stating how much she’s against marriage. She’s works herself up to the point where she is addicted to watching reality shows such as Say Yes to the Dress and My Fair Wedding but tries to hide that fact and make Carter think she’s formed an addiction to porn. But even with all the immature things Claire thinks or does I would not want her to change. As crazy as he character may seem, she comes off as truly genuine and realistic. I just adore her and want her to be my best friend so we can braid each other’s hair and make friendship bracelets. Or we could just wasted, sippin on gin & juice.

"I'm going to put corn and hot sauce on your wiener, and then I'll hit you in the face with it. Hit you in the face with your corny wiener."
- Gavin

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"Water? At a wedding? I don't understand. Did you invite Jesus? That's the only way that will be acceptable." – Drew

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey, Claire, does this apple pie have nuts in it? I don’t like nuts,” Drew states.

“I like nuts. Nuts are delicious.” Gavin pipes up taking a big bite of applie pie to prove it.

“Wll I don’t like nuts,” Drew argues.

“Guys, that’s enough nut talk”, Liz complains as she pours herself another glass of wine from the bottle in the middle of the table.

“I’M GOING TO PUT MY NUTS ON ALL OF YOU!” Gavin yells through a mouthful of food.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“My vagina is way nicer than anything you own you drizzly, weighted down orca of a woman.” - Liz

As for the rest of this rowdy bunch, they are just as loveable and funny. Gavin, that little devil child, is still my favorite and if I could listen to him talk all day I would be a happy woman. When I think about him I picture him to be this foul mouthed mini version of Barney Stinson (especially when he’s suited up!). I love him forever and he’s the perfect child for Claire and Carter. Really. I don’t think anyone else would be able to handle that child. Claire and Carter’s best friends are like the sprinkles to an already awesome cupcake. They just make the whole thing much brighter and pleasant. Drew is as inappropriate and immature, Liz’s mouth is just as unfiltered as Claire’s and Jenny is still as ditzy and unable to get a handle on her vocabulary. Claire’s mother makes an appearance and I definitely see how Claire came out to be with such a free spirited mother and a hardass dad.

"I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either one of you, and if anyone doesn't like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters."

Overall, Futures and Frostings was the perfect sequel and conclusion to Carter and Claire’s love story. As whacky as they maybe, you can’t help but love and laugh along with them. When Carter finally does propose to Claire I could not help but turn into a puddle of goo. His impromptu and original proposal is one of the sweetest proposals in history and I swear it’ll make every girls heart in the world melt. I think I had to read that scene twice because I loved it so much. As sad as I am to see that this is the end Claire and Carter's story, I CAN.NOT.WAIT for Drew and Jenny's book. I have a feeling that I might have to stop by Costco and buy the bulk pack of diapers just for that book.

By the way.... THANK YOU Tara for including Talk Supe in the Awknowledgment section go Futures and Frostings. That was a totally awesome surprise and you made me feel like I had won the damn lottery. Thank you for writing such hilarious books and I look forward to more of your work in the future.


--------------------


9/16/2012
I call dibs on Tara Sivec! She's my new BFF, Bestie, Partner in Crime, Lover…whatever. I LOVE this woman!

If you're a fan of sweet but silly with a couple scoops of raunchiness comedy then you MUST read Tara Sivec's Chocolate Lovers series. I've never in my life laughed so hard while reading a book. At one point I was ready to don an adult diaper just so I wouldn't have to take any potty breaks while reading this book. Futures and Frosting continues Claire and Carter's story and was just as much of a laugh riot as the first book, Seduction and Snacks.

"Water? At a wedding? I don't understand. Did you invite Jesus? That's the only way that will be acceptable." - Drew

I honestly don't know what else I could say about this series except that it's totally awesome and you should read it. If you don't mind reading words like boobies, vagina, wiener, dickey punk or even yeast infection and you have a sense of humor, then you should totally give these books a try.

"It was on Real Housewives, so you know it's true." - Carter

I'm going to try to write a "real" review of this series but I it will probably just turn into a review filled with a shit load of quotes. The Chocolate Lovers books are seriously like the kind of movies that you love so much that you have to quote them constantly in real life.

[Jayme · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second part of Chocolate Lovers series, you must read the first Seduction and Snacks because this is continuation.

Claire, Carter and Gavin begin to form their own little family. They must learn to cope with new circumstances. How is it to live with other person and 4 year old child from hell. Of course it causes a lot of interesting situations. I do not know how the author comes up with these things, but I am full of admiration.

"THE POWER OF THE ORGASM COMPELS YOU!"

We once again have a lot of ridiculous scenes. It is sweet and funny. But not without problems. They have to go through a lot to have their happily ever after. It's impossible to tell. You must read and see!

Again one star less, this amount of humor just overwhelmed me! Yes, it really can be complaint with this.
But they are a wonderful family together and all in all I'm glad that I get more of them and their friends.

"I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters."

Love between them, and their adorable kid, it gives us the funniest book ever, and a time full of affection and friendship who care about each other. It is wonderfully read about it.

[♥Rachel♥ · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm not sure if I want to read this and ruin the Claire and Carter's perfect ending. Hmm.....

[Alex · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Unfortunately she’s right. Claire was a very boring child. She liked to read and take naps. We used to invent things to do just to mess with her and try to f**k her up a little bit."

[Tessamari ♥Many Waters...♥ ~ Sweet Spot Book Blog · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 Laugh-out-loud-I-might’ve-peed-(just a little)-in-my-pants Stars

**Warning: The following review contains crude language. Reader’s discretion is advised (LOL)**



Oh sweet Jesus. Sweet mother fucking fuckery of fucks

Seriously, Tara Sivec is a woman after my own heart. I said the same thing after reading her first book back in July and I stick by that statement even more so now. I was unattractively laughing and snorting countless amounts of times while I was reading this, that I had no choice to share the humor with my husband…which BTW, had him snorting and snickering at what I was reading him. I love the crude language, the raunchy humor, the over-the-top usage of the words “fuck, vagina, cock, penis (or is it peni in plural? LOL),” etc…the list goes on an on. I don’t care; this humor is right up my alley. However, for you wankers who don’t like that language, it’s all good, yo. To each their own, eh?

Important phone calls **wink, wink**

So this story picks up where Seduction and Snacks left off. Carter, Claire and their four and half year old son, Gavin, are now living together. Throughout the book, Carter is trying his hardest to plan the perfect proposal to Claire. However, every time Carter is ready to ask, something disastrous happens and Carter cancels his current plan and tries again with a whole new arrangement. Poor Carter. All he wanted was to solidify his relationship with Claire. She however, keeps saying the wrong things at the wrong times, and Carter starts second guessing whether or not she wants a marriage or not.

“Did you see that? The fuck I give. It went that way.”

The secondary characters are all funny in their own ways, but I think the best, and most hilarious, moments involve my two favorite characters: Four and half year old, Gavin, and Carter’s BFF, Drew. Yes, Gavin is over the top with his verbal vomit, but I don’t care. I love picturing this kid just the way he is. And then there’s Drew. Oh. My. God. What’s the chance of Ms. Sivec writing a book/series regarding Drew and Jenny? Or better yet, making Drew-inspired t-shirts available for purchase? My husband and I were laughing hysterically at each and every one of Drew’s infamous shirts.

Favorite Drew T-shirts:

#1 – Drew has long since shed his tuxedo coat and white dress shirt, not really caring who sees the tee shirt he wore underneath that says “I’m not the groom, but I’ll let you put a ring on it” with a picture of a cock ring below the words. – ROFLMFAO!!

#2 – In honor of the wine tours that evening, Drew dons a shirt with a picture of a corkscrew on the front that reads, "I pull out." – Can you just picture that? Hahahahaha!!

#3 – “Have you seen my perfect man ass?”

Okay, okay. I’m done. I’m spent. I can’t laugh anymore. I just LOVE this series and I LOVE Tara Sivec’s humorous writing skillz. (Yes, I just ended that with a “z”…what of it?? LOL). I can’t wait to see what else she has in store for us, but for now…Peace out!

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this sequel just as much as the first one, maybe even a little more. It's pretty hilarious, full of crazy characters, and perfect for my mind in this crazy world. It's ridiculous, over the top, and full of inappropriate humor. It wouldn't be a book that everyone would enjoy, but I'm here for it!

[Suzanne (Under the Covers Book blog) · Rating 5 out of 5]

After a few months of moving in with the love of her life and the father of her child, Claire is blissfully happy. I mean yeah his snoring drives her to the brink of murder and finding his best friend passed out drunk on her sofa far more frequently then she would like drives her a little insane, but they are mature adults right? They can move past these obstacles and find their happily ever after, no well meaning but crazy friends, bizarre family members or fake porn addictions can tear apart their relationship...

I blame this book ENTIRELY for my reputation at work for being a crazy person! For example this is an actual conversation I had in my head whilst I was reading this at work:

Sane Suzanne: Must not laugh, must not laugh, must not laugh..
*gargled laughter noise*
Paranoid Suzanne: What the HELL is that bitch looking at!
Sane Suzanne: Maybe I shouldn't read this book in public..must not laugh..
Id Suzanne: Fuck um! Read on...you know you want to, just one more chapter...
*shuffles round in seat to disguise the crazy muttering*
Paranoid Suzanne: Was she staring at me AGAIN! Has she nothing better to do...
Sane Suzanne: Must not laugh, must not laugh, must not laugh
*smoother laughter, ends up making a snorty laughter noise, not dissimilar from a asthmatic pig*
Id Suzanne: Who cares what they think, this book is sooo good, read some more...c'mon you know you want to hear what Gavin will say next....
Sane Suzanne: Must... Stop... Reading....smoother laughter SMOOTHER LAUGHTER
*more asthmatic pig noises and some shuffling to hide face behind kindle*
Paranoid Suzanne: God she is looking and whispering with her friends now damnit why are they laughing at me, WHY?WHY ARE THEY LAUGHING!
Sane Suzanne: Right back away slowly from the kindle... And NO don't bitch slap her, remember you NEED this job, back away back away....

This conversation lasted the whole hour, don't get me wrong, it has its advantages, I always have plenty of room at my lunch table as no one wants to sit next to the girl who has weird convulsions and I can always get to the front of the queue, and now I have no friends, I can get much more done in my spare time!

Okay, now less about my traumatic lunch time experiences and more about the book. I loved it, much like the first one is was hilarious in a foul mouthed sarcastic way, which I adored, whilst still managing to have a sweet love story at its core. I liked that this book was after the HEA of the first one, showing that just because they have said their I-love-yous doesn't mean to say that their lives are now perfect, they still have insane friends, strange families and a 4 year old with a mouth like a trucker, as well as their own foibles to contend with.

This was a fantastic read definitely one of my favourites for this year, I am not sure if this series continues after this book or not, but whatever Tara Sivec brings out next you can guarantee I will be reading it.

[Sharon ∞❥ is an emotional book junkie ❥∞ · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book picks up two months after the end of Seduction and Snacks and Carter, Claire and Gavin are settling in with being a family. Things are going well and the business is doing great but that doesn't mean everything is smooth sailing.

If you loved Seduction and Snacks, you will love this book. The same humor and outrageousness from Gavin and Drew continue but Claire really outdid herself in this one. After Liz and Jim's wedding, Claire catches the marriage bug big time and she thinks Carter is horrified to get married but Carter has been trying to propose to her forever. This leads to sooo many hilarious and extremely embarrassing moments!!

I still love Carter and Claire. They are just perfect for each other. From the "phone calls", to the bus sex, and finally the milk pong...I just loved every moment of it. I'm just really sad that it's over.

We get caught up with everyone but I felt there was a lot more of Jenny and Drew in this one. I kind of missed Liz! I did enjoy Claire's Mom, Rachel, especially with her ceiling fan baseball and TEE time! But of course, Gavin, is the star of the show. He has sooo many great lines!

There's a great epilogue that will make you very happy but like I said earlier, I'm just sad that it's over.


Favorite quotes:

♦ "He tucks me in at night and tells me that if I eat my green beans my wiener will grow big and strong just like his.”

♥ “I love both of you exactly the way you are. I love that you have no filter, and I adore that Gavin can make grown men cry. There is not one thing I would change about either of you, and if anyone doesn’t like it, they can kiss my ass. You guys are my life and my family now. Nothing else matters.”

♥ "I wanted to marry you the first time I saw you again. I wanted to get down on my knees and beg you to never leave me. And I should have done it. I should never have waited this long. There is no one else in this world I could imagine spending my life with. I want to teach inappropriate things to our children with you forever."

[Crazy for Books (Stephanie) · Rating 5 out of 5]

5++++ STARS

A continuation of Seduction and Snacks , after Gavin and Claire have moved in with Carter. Gavin has a daddy noq and loves living with both of his parents. It's now time for Claire to meet Carter's parents, but every opportunity leads to an unfortunate event when Claire is either drunk social posting or playing the equivalent of food softball in the house.

Lots of misunderstandings, miscommunications and pot cookies, cause a bit of strain in the relationship. And of course Gavin and his precocious mouth. Drew and Gavin fight light little kids, which is funny since Gavin is and Drew isn't... a little kid that is.

"I'm going to put corn and hot sauce on your wiener, and then I'll hit you in the face with it. Hit you in the face with your corny wiener." "You're a juice bag."~ Gavin

What? He threatened my wiener. He's lucky I didn't throw down fisticuffs with him. And just because he said 'juice bag' doesn't mean we don't both know what he was really thinking. That kid is an evil, evil genius, and I never want to be left alone with him." ~ Drew

And some of the saying that Rachel, Claire's mother, comes up with are just priceless. "If you love something you should set it free or you'll get down to brass tacks in your tires."

Carter loves Claire and keeps trying to let her know exactly like he feels, but things keep getting in the way. He's so nervous about it that Claire suspects that he may never want to marry her, which she never really considered until after Liz and Jim's wedding. With them both jumping to conclusions and not communicating, hilarity ensues.

It's rare to get through more than two pages without breaking out in full on belly laughter. I can't wait to read the next book in the series.

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

How is it possible for this second book to be just as funny as the first? Wow, this was just as hilarious even more so at other times than Seductions and Snacks. I want to meet this author in real life, she has to be the funniest person ever. Two books that have me crack up laughing thats just awesome.

As much as I am a huge fan of Claire, I loved her so much in the first book she just cracked me up... I have to say Carter was SO FUNNY in this book. Anything from his pov was just lol convulsing giggles for me. All the proposals and times with him and Gavin just had me dying.

If you haven't read either of these fantastic book please please read them! So great!!!

[Beatrice · Rating 4 out of 5]

It wasn't as funny as the first one but it's still hilarious! Gavin. This little kid is just so hilarious. He's the reason why I'm continuing this series. I swear, the funniest kid I've ever encountered in a book.

If you love Tangled by Emma Chase, you will enjoy this one.

[Nana · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't like this book as much as Seductions and Snacks. It was still funny, but It not as sexy as the first book . Overall, it was okay

[Tee Loves Books · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, sweet Jesus I have never laughed so hard in my life!!!! I embarrassed myself in the carpool line, the grocery store, and even in front of my own children as I had random bouts of hysterical laughing to the point of tears as I read this. I think people are probably under the impression that I've gone mental as they watched me staring at my iPhone guffawing like a lunatic, practically peeing my pants. But that's okay, because I freaking loved it!!! I apologize in advance for anyone opposed to cursing, because you pretty much need to stop reading now...

I'm not sure what I love more about Tara Sivec's Chocolate Lovers series; the insane characters, the incredibly crude and obnoxiously hysterical behavior, the raunchy sexy banter, or the sweet love story behind all of the hysteria! Yes, if you were to do a word search in this book for the words 'vagina', 'dick', 'ass', or 'balls', I fully believe every page would pop up in your search. And I'm not ashamed to admit that the thought of this has me giggling like a 7-year-old right now just thinking about where those words were used in the story *wicked grin*. Futures and Frosting was all about Claire and Carter trying to figure out their relationship while they live through the mania that is their lives. They're sharing a life together with Gavin, they're in love, they're blissfully happy (well, okay, other than the fact that Claire may very well pull a Lorena Bobbit on Carter if he keeps waking her up snoring like a buzz saw). Carter is head over heels for Claire and wants to commit to her, but a series of goofs and near-misses find him wondering if Claire really wants to be with him. Claire, having been bitch-slapped by a sudden awareness that she likes the idea of marriage thanks to Liz and Jim's wedding, is scared sh*tless that Carter hasn't asked her to marry him yet because he doesn't want to spend his life with her. Yep, I know, I was sitting there screaming "have you heard of something called communication??!!" too, but the hysterical moments that ensue thanks to their fear of asking each other what they want was just too good to wish away!!! After all is said and done, though, you're just sitting there hoping the insanity will get out of the way and Carter will wake up and realize Claire doesn't need all the bells and whistles, so they can have their amazing HEA!!

"My testicles are sitting in my stomach right now. How can you even think about cereal?" Drew asks as he limps over to the counter and grabs his keys. "Your tentacles are dumb and I'm hungry," Gavin replies around a mouthful of Lucky Charms..

Shit, is my forehead sweating? Is she looking at me right now wondering why I look like a chubby man with a heart condition who just ate his weight in chicken wings and Jell-O salad at a buffet? That's not a good look to have when you want the woman you love to look into your eyes and pledge her undying love by saying 'yes' to marrying you.

So, Tara's characters...yeah, they're all looney. And that's when they aren't drunk. Add to their already loopy personalities copious amounts of alcohol, and they're plain bat-shit crazy!!! I'm talking bring in the white straightjackets, dope them with meds, C-R-A-Z-Y!!! And that's exactly why I absolutely love each and every one of them!! Never have I seen a cast of characters so downright perfect for each other, from their friendships, family bonds, romance, and f*ck-me HOT sexcapades, this ensemble is like a symphony of hysterical humor and lunacy that you can't break away from.

"No, we'll make phone calls like Mommy and Daddy do when they go into their bedroom and lock the door and yell and make weird noises," Gavin replies.

I love Drew and Jenny with their immature, horny-as-hell raunchiness, Gavin and of course Claire's parents-who knows which one of them is actually more outspoken, but there is clearly no 'off' button or filter for their mouths, and of course my absolute favorite, Claire and Carter for their adorably inappropriate behavior that makes them two parts of one whole crazy person!! They're perfect for each other, just as their family and friends perfectly fit the vagina mold of their life!!

"Dad, 'woke up dis morning, got myself a gun' is on!" he says excitedly. "And my wiener feels funny again. It won't stop being tall."
"Oh my God. I take that back. THIS is the happiest moment of my life. My son just got a boner for Sopranos," Carter whispers.
"Like father like son," I deadpan.

Some of my favorite moments:
-Claire's last-ditch effort to stop Carter's early morning snore fest, which involved screaming a one-syllable word to break through his sleeping consciousness. What happens after Claire takes a deep breath and yelled out "F-U-U-U-U-U-U-C-K!!" to a sleeping Carter had me rolling over laughing!! Green jell-o, HA!!!!
-Claire's drunk Facebooking
-Drew's drunken rant telling off Sam I Am to his phone when someone added Dr. Seuss to his contact list.
-Ceiling fan baseball
-That "marry me!" could definitely sound like "mommy!" when screaming it into your lover's shoulder in the heat of passion
-Claire, Drew, and Liz experiencing the highs and lows of accidentally eating pot cookies...I can't even think about this scene without cracking up all over again
-Any scened where either Claire or Carter were drunk, because they were just two half-wit unbalanced peas in a pod that made my sides hurt I was laughing so hard
-Milk pong scene *swoons*

There are so many more, but I don't want to spoil this hilarious story for anyone. This series is just awesome, and Tara Sivec is an absolute genius. If everyone had a friend like her in their lives, there would be shiny happy people all over the world!! LOL

[SamJ ★Needs a HEA★ · Rating 5 out of 5]

★Book Basics★

Genre : - Cont Romantic Comedy
Series : - 2nd in the series - must read book 1 first
Love triangle? - No
Cheating? - No
HEA? - Yes
Would I read more by this author/or in this series? - Yes
Rating - 5


★Review★

In this book, we again have Carter and Claire as our main couple.

They have been living together for a while, still in love, but trying to get used to being together as a family, and get used to each other.

Again, a hugely funny, light-hearted romantic comedy book, with a cast full of characters you cannot help but love.

If you can suspend your disbelief, do not mind the foul language and are ready to just go along for the ride then it will be one of the funniest books you read.

Yet, it is heart warming, the love between Claire and Carter is great and the entire group of friends all care about each other in a way that is lovely to read about.

[Anas Attic Book Blog · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read more of my reviews and ramblings at Ana's Attic Sexy Tales

So I put on a special shirt for the occasion of writing my review for Tara Sivec’s Futures and Frosting (Chocolate Lovers #2). I know I’ve talked about my girl crush on Tara before. This book, it made me happy down to my dumbo eared vagina. I had some stalker tendencies before when it came to Tara, but now I want to stalk everyone she knows so I can find out who the characters are based on.

Futures and Frosting is like The Hangover, Bridesmaids, Friends, Meet the Fokkers, and How I Met Your Mother combined, in fact, I’d love a weekly sitcom book from Tara…I’d pay $.99/week for a short story with these guys in it! With all the weekly serial books out there, this would blow them all out of the water (teehee, I said blow them).

If you haven’t read the first in the series, Seduction And Snacks by Tara Sivec, what the fuck are you waiting for? It was hands down, the funniest book I ever read, so funny that, uummm…..I had an incident with slippage….just read that review.

Well Tara surprised us with the sequel two weeks early. On an already busy weekend, I dropped everything to start this book and immediately began cracking up….after I got all choked up at the acknowledgements (yes, she put my name in them! I’ll even excuse her vagtastic ass for spelling it wrong)
***Update: She has since fixed that! Thank you from the bottom of my vagina.

The chapter names even made me laugh! Here are a few:
-Back Door Action
-Whore Dizzle
-The Incredible Shrinking Penis
-No Nut Shots Before Lunch
-Stinky Wiener Ticks and Twice Baked Potatoes

This book begins where Seduction and Snacks left off. Claire and Carter are working on melding their lives together, living together with Gavin. Of course, after living alone for a long time there can be issues……like, Carter snoring and Claire’s fantasy ways of stopping it, Carter never replacing the toilet paper, and my favorite:

“Just this morning while he slept, I had left Carter a box of his favorite candy next to his pillow……..I figured it would soften him up to the note I placed next to the box telling him if he left the toilet seat up one more time and my ass got an involuntary bath at six in the morning I would put super glue on the head of his penis while he slept. I had even signed the note with a couple of Xs and Os. Who says romance is dead?”

The first half of the book was basically the drunk adventures of the whole group, starting with Liz and Gary’s co-bachelor party on a limo bus tour of various wineries. (Gary, of course wore a shirt with a corkscrew that says “I Pull Out” for the occasion). Liz’s mom also tries to join the fun by pulling out every penis shaped item she can find….scary story: I had a penis party for my son’s 13th birthday. I even have some candles left, see?


So this party bus also had a bathroom, in which a completely shitfaced Claire and Carter went together, and the rest of the bus heard:

“If you knock on my back door, I will totally let you in….careful back there, though, there’s a rickety step. Don’t fall in my back door”
And the next morning from Carter…”you puked on my dick”

The morning after….is the morning Claire is set to meet Carter’s very normal, very uptight parents. While there, she discovers that she had a wonderful night of drunk facebooking the evening before. On Carter’s families’ wall…

“Spitters are Quitters”

And lets not forget the mention of “flapping dumbo eared vaginas, burning clown car vaginas, vaganistic clitoral, liptastic whore dizzle“ and more. Claire, with her drinking should NOT be on Facebook!

But let’s not forget why we are all reading this. Claire and Carter’s love story. They are so perfect together. Carter is trying to propose to Claire but something keeps happening to stop him. He loves her so much and and it is clear she loves him too, but her parents were pretty bad examples of marriage. In fact, Claire’s totally wacky parents are hysterical. So much so, that when Claire was young and too boring they used to “invent things to do just to mess with her and try to fuck her up a little bit”, but I digress. Carter keeps screwing up the proposal and Claire thinks he doesn’t want to marry her. In fact, Claire is obsessed with watching wedding shows on TV, but covers it up by letting Carter think she is obsessively watching porn.

Amidst all this, we have the ever so charming Gavin. Gavin is just turning five, and I swear, he is the coolest kid ever. Scary thing is, my family is going to think I wrote this book, because my son IS Gavin!

“What’s your favorite thing to do?” ”Fart in everyone’s face,” Gavin says between giggles. “FART!” “You sure like to say ‘fart’ a lot.” Lisa says with a laugh “Cuz I like saying it forever, punk!”

In fact, my kids asked what I was laughing so hard at, after them bugging me all day, I finally read a little interview with Gavin. My kids were hysterical, so much so that my 7 year old got carried away, pulled down his pants and started rubbing his wiener on his brother while I laughed (though I tried to yell at him). Big brother kind of stopped laughing at that point…. (point haha), especially when his little brother tried to stick it in his ear (it took everything out of me not to make an eargasm joke there).

But seriously, I think Tara has placed a hidden camera in my home for some story inspiration. “Daddy juice”, scheduled c-section stories, uptight moms who complain about c-r-a-p, plus adventures in the “basement”, and most importantly “juice bag” I KNOW that was stolen from my kid!

I think my favorite quote may be:

“If this whole display was a story I was reading, it would be a disappointing ‘did not finish’ for me”

Tara, you are fuckin’ awesome!!!!!!!! If have a t-shirt for when you are around people like that:


This book was so filled with zaniness, and I learned a whole bunch, like google is never wrong, you only have to eat a little of a pot cookie, (seriously? I would have had like, 4), and that ‘relaxitives’ can help you stop snoring. I also learned more about sports: a new way of playing baseball, and “Tee time”!

Jenny and Drew need their own book(s). With Drew’s shirts (and aprons–”I didn’t wash my hands before I fondled your meat“) and Jenny’s mispronunciations, they would make a great series.

Loves:

-Too many loves to name! I literally had to put the book aside because of chest and rib pain a few times.
-Claire’s parents were awesome, so glad we got to know her mom better.

Dislikes:

-I really had none, my only slight negative was that the POV changes were not always clear. I wasn’t sure if it was Claire or Carter’s head we were in sometimes.

Rating: 5++++++ Stars 3.75 for heat

Apparently, these books aren’t for everyone. You need to like over-the-top, raunchy silliness. I loved every second of it. Personally, I think you all need to get your floppy vaginas online and buy these books. “THE POWER OF THE ORGASM COMPELS YOU!” and if you don’t, “I’M GOING TO PUT MY NUTS ON ALL OF YOU!!!”



”Oh shit, the jig is up! HIDE THE COOKIES!”



I would have kept writing, but my husband is here, and he needs to make a “phone call”.

[Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Click here to read my FULL REVIEW for Futures and Frosting at Reading, Eating & Dreaming I was Blair Waldorf

Futures and Frosting was SPECFREAKINGTACULAR! I am in loooooovvvveeee with Tara Sivec. Seriously, I need us to be best friends. Just by reading her novels, I can tell that she is one of the funniest people on this planet. I mean come on...Seduction and Snacks and Futures and Frosting are hands down two of the funniest novels I have ever read in my entire life. To write something that funny, you have to be that funny. Meeting Tara Sivec is definitely on my bucket list. If you've read this novel, then I think you understand why that is. There are like 50 awesome/hilarious/noteworthy things that I highlighted in this novel that I want to add in this review. The only reason I didn't add 50 quotes to this review is because I didn't want to ruin any of my favorite parts for people who haven't this book yet. (Well, and also because that would take A LOT of time. LOL. I highlighted almost half of the book.)

I gave Futures and Frosting by Tara Sivec 4 STARS. I recommend Seduction and Snacks and Futures and Frosting to everyone over 18! It's definitely on my MUST READS list!

PS: Thank you Tara Sivec for the best ab work out ever! Seriously. My abs are sore today from laughing so much last night. I'd much rather read than do crunches so I need you to keep the novels coming. :)

-XOXO

READING, EATING AND DREAMING

[Akanksha❤ Søren♰ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I WANT MORE OF THIS BOOK and I don't know which book is funnier, Seduction and Snacks or Futures and Frosting, Hence I will re-read Seduction and Snacks again and judge in which book did I laugh and pee in my pants more :P

Each and every line in the book has something so fucking witty that it cracked me up.
Gavin is a crazy ass kid, I LOVE HIM! Like seriously, I pray that when I have a kid 8-10yrs down the line, He is JUST LIKE GAVIN!!
All their friends are bat shit crazy! Like seriously.. I'd give a limb to have such mental friends.. Loved them
Clair's parents are loons.. especially her mother.. hahaha crazy people
Carter and Clair are mental, cute, crazy, mad ass, and just lovely.. I love them.

The book is fucking Hil-larious!! LIKE READ IT ASAP PEOPLE but be sure to read Seduction and Snacks before this! :P
So going to keep re-reading it till I know all the fucked-up funny one lines from Chocolate Lovers, 1# & 2#
The book was amazing! Beyond amazing and bloody hilarious :D


Just this morning while he slept, I had left Carter a box of his favorite candy next to his pillow–Globs: piles of white chocolate covered, crushed potato chips and pretzels drizzled with caramel.   I figured it would soften him up to the note I placed next to the box telling him if he left the toilet seat up one more time and my ass got an involuntary bath at six in the morning, I would put super glue on the head of his penis while he slept.  I had even signed the note with a couple of Xs and Os.
Who says romance is dead?

[Angie - Angie's Dreamy Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had a major "MOMENT" when I realized that the second book in the Chocolate lovers series was out! The first book Seduction and Snacks was so funny and sweet; I was a HUGE fan of Claire and Carter's! So when I was sitting at home and found out is was released early I squeeeed like a freak, dropped everything I was doing and immediately dived in. I'm happy to say that this book was just as fanfriggentastic as the first one!!! It was flipping hilarious.

I found this book to be a perfect continuation from Seduction and Snacks! Carter and Claire are completely amazing together, their relationship gets tested along the way, with individual insecurities, and their family and friends also continue to play a big part. Gavin is even more funny in this book than the last! The kid is incredible! There are still tons of unbelievable one liners that have you giggling like a school girl. It's just awesome!

Some of my fav lines in the book
---------------------------------------------
"Did you see that? The fuck I give. It went that way." - Jim

"Payback is a bitch. And YEAST INFECTIONS really itch" - Liz

"Twat did you say? I cunt hear you. Let's see if I can finger it out," - Carter

"Mommy and Daddy make a lot of noise when they kiss. Mommy talks to God a lot." - Gavin

"I'm gonna make like a fetus and head out." -Drew

It's seriously is ridiculously funny! If you've read Seduction and Snacks and loved it, then this book is a no brainer!!! Don't wait, buy it and start it! It's one of the BEST. BOOKS. EVER!

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another fabulously funny book in the Chocolate Lovers series. All I can say is that if you haven't read these books yet and are looking for more of a romantic comedy (emphasis on the word comedy) then this series is for you.

Here are two of my favorite parts, but there are so many in this book you will just have to pick it up and have a good laugh for yourself!

“Whoa dude… You just said f-u-c-k in front of the Virgin Mary. Show some respect,” Drew scolds.
“What’s a virgin?” Gavin ask...
“Uh, it’s a kind of chicken,” I stammer. “Very rare. No one talks about it.”

Now every time I hear the word chicken I will automatically associate it with a virgin. Thanks Tara Sivec!! LOL!!

And when Carter's Mom got them a dog....


We turn around to see the dog mounted up on Gavin’s back with his paws on his shoulders.   Gavin just keeps moving and laughing.   It looks like a freaky version of the locomotion dance. “Ha ha. What’s he doing?!   This is fun!” Gavin laughs. “Oh my God, he’s humping our kid,” I mutter, smacking Carter on the arm so he will do something. Carter runs over and pulls the dog off of Gavin by its collar. “Heeeey, why’d you do that?   We were having fun,” Gavin complains. “Uh, he was trying to pee on you,” Carter tells him.



SERIOUSLY! Read these books!!

[Melanie · Rating 1 out of 5]

I loved 'Seduction and Snacks' - it was sassy, hilarious and plain ol' good times. Tragically, its followup, 'Futures and Frosting', was absolutely awful (although it would seem I am solidly in the minority on this one). I found the "humor" was immature, OTT and cringe-worthy - and the story was just one uncomfortable situation after another. In fact reading this was very much like trying to find the "Benjamin Wu balls" amongst all the inappropriate crap:

INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP BENJAMIN WU BALLS INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP INAPPROPRIATE CRAP

... more than kinda gross and certainly not that fun.

[BookHeroin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Futures and Frosting by Tara Sivec


This book is so funny! really guys do not read in public!! i loved all the characters. Gavin was cuter than ever! at the beginning you can see that the comedy and the jokes were forced and fake! but as you keep reading you see the the writer got back to writing as she did in the first one! i loved the style, it was so light, funny, sexy, and sarcastic!
i am a sucker for sarcastic books whether they are classics or contemporary. i myself write in a sarcastic way in most of my papers! but my creative writing "teacher" told me to stop!! the loser bastard!

I really wanted more of Sofia, but they jumped 3 years, and she didn't even say anything but sinning " I HAVE A VAGINA. I LOVE MY VAGINA ... yeah!i wanted more of that.

in the future. the far FAR away future i want to treat my kids as Carter and Claire treated theirs. They were the prefect parents in my opinion, i REALLY want to see how sofia and gavin turns out to be.

anyway i'm keeping this review light,and fast. the book doesn't have anything special going on to it other than the fact that it's FUNNY AS HELL. that's it

Some Quotes I Pissed Myself At

“Did you see that? The fuck I give. It went that way.”

“I should have sold you to that traveling circus when you were four.”

“FUCK YOU, SAM I AM!”

“Mommy and Daddy make a lot of noise when they kiss. Mommy talks to God a lot. I talk to God sometimes too. I asked him for a puppy and a new monster truck but I was nice and didn’t yell at him like Mommy does. He still hasn’t gotten me the puppy though.”


“It’s mind-blowing and delicious and better
than finding a pot of gold, a unicorn, and a leprechaun who shits diamonds at
the end of a rainbow.”


“Because I'm pretty sure we conceived this child the night I ate that pot cookie. I'm eighty-four percent positive our child is going to be born a pot head. It's going to come out with dreadlocks and wearing a Bob Marley onesie. Its first word will probably be 'Whaaaaaazzzzzzzuuuuuup'. It's never, ever going to sleep through the night because it's always going to have the munchies.”



“My father had bought him a shirt
that said “Sure you can date my daughter. In a completely unrelated topic,
have you seen my shotgun?”


if i kept quoting we'll be here all night! just go read it and add extra 5 years to your life