Inheritocracy: It’s Time to Talk About the Bank of Mum and Dad: The Sunday Times Bestseller

by Eliza Filby

Forget the myth of meritorcracy.
It's no longer about what you earn, or what you learn.
We are living in an inheritocracy, where the bank of mum and dad matters more than ever.

Parental support is the secret taboo of the modern world. Whether we have it or we don't, this shapes life for all of us.

Blending award-winning research, revealing interviews and candid stories, Eliza Filby digs deep into the bank of mum and dad to reveal how it affects our dating, our careers, our children, and everything else. Fresh, captivating and honest, she reveals the surprising ways the inheritocracy controls us all.

Genres: Nonfiction, Audiobook, Economics, Politics, Sociology, Society, Personal Finance

285 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 17, 2025

Reviews

[Queen Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given this book at a law firm conference and didn't plan to read it until I heard the author speak. She is funny, engaging and relatable. She raised points about generations that resonated with me, like the impact of millennials relying of the boomer bank of mum and dad. So I read the book and couldn't put it down. I fold the pages over on points I find particularly poignant and most of this book has folded pages. I spoke to my boomer dad about topics in the book, which made him mad. Sign it is a good book. Plus I have told everyone I've met in the last month about the book, including taking photos of paragraphs and sending it to my friends. I am now going to lend the book to my friend on maternity leave as she is mortgaged up to the eye balls and soon paying £4k a month on childcare, unlike her boomer parents.

[Lauren Barnes · Rating 3 out of 5]

This cross-theme book was a challenging read — reading it at a time as I unpack my own relationships with parents, money, and class, it was a helpful tool to reflect on how these play out in my own life, my friends' and our wider culture. From housing, education, childcare to politics, tax and social relationships - It’s a huge topic to take on, and the book does it pretty well overall - 3.5stars

At times, though, I felt the author got a bit lost in the enormity of it all. The sections where she brought things back to her own experience sometimes felt jarring and didn’t always acknowledge the nuance or breadth of experiences that exist. She tries to counter this with short snapshots of other people’s stories, but these can get a little lost and don’t always land as strongly as they could to reinforce the research.

Still, Inheritocracy opens up an important and long-overdue conversation about the “bank of mum and dad,” inequality, and what it means to build a life when financial starting points are so uneven.

[Sabi Newman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great read, it’s well written, and has really interesting insights into the current situation both within and between generations.

It is very frustrating to read, but that’s more about the realities the book addresses rather than the book itself!

Would definitely recommend 💯

[Hugo · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting book about housing crisis in the UK. Wealth in this country is no longer generated through innovation, grit and education - it is generated through property and inheritance.

This books speaks of the baby boomer who go the houses for dirt cheap and are now all millionaires. The physiological effects it has on their children - who feel entitled to an inheritance and how this changes family dynamics.

What I found most interesting was the last chapter on health care. Culturally we think there three parts to life - education - employment- retirement. The book argues that there should be a fourth a stage - the stage where our health starts to deteriorate and we have to start paying for this - and it is much more expensive than we think. The book estimates this to be around 50,000 pounds a year. This period of time can last for many years - for instance if a couple health rapidly deteriorate but they are still alive for 5 years, this can cost 500,000 pounds. This wipes out the inheritance and as people live longer lives we can expect to see more people reducing inheritance they give their children to spend on their own healthcare. Also the majority of people do not save for this fourth stage of there life - the books tells horror stories of the wealths of people children being evaporated to pay for this.

[Helen Southwell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super interesting and thought provoking. If not a little depressing. I'm Gen X.

[Oli Turner]

#inheritocracy by #elizafilby published in 2024. Interesting, thought provoking and reasonably well researched. Engagingly written with some entertaining anecdotes. Champagne socialist complains about the Tories (correctly) promotes Jeremy Corbyn (foolishly) warns of the dangers of far right misogyny and virtue signals immigration and diversity (🙄) and yet wonders why the majority of people cannot afford to buy a home without the BOMAD. A fair amount of blame understandably thrown at boomers and 14 years of Tory decline, some blame placed on Thatcher but very little mention of the massive damage caused by Blairite policies that have been pushed on us for almost 3 decades. One brief mention about the supply of housing and the policy failings there. Zero mention of the significant increase in demand (presumably due to fear of being labelled far right for the crime of noticing). Ultimately cowardly with no solutions offered or discussed. Proudly boasting of maintaining her juvenile lefty student politics while in her 40s as well as her millionaire multi-property owning Marxist parents. It must be difficult ideologically hating her privilege but not doing anything about it because she lacks the courage of her convictions. Ridiculous. Talks about the loser boyfriends she had and the crimes she committed without significant punishment. Takes little responsibility for her bad decisions but blames her privilege, when surely it’s the morals that need to be questioned. Interviewing people on 6 figure incomes who apparently cannot afford things and consider £100,000 to be a low salary. Laughably tragic and out of touch. No mention of the significance of poor decision making or the need to sacrifice. It seems that ‘sacrifice’ according to the people that the author interviews is not being able to have a holiday for 6 years. These wealthy people seem to have no idea that some people have never been able to afford a holiday. So sad that she is the victim of her parents wealth. It’s not entirely disingenuous but it is lacking logical reasoning and largely blinded by ideological prerequisites. But as Chomsky said to Andrew Marr “if you believed something different you wouldn’t be sitting where you’re sitting”. And that whole conversation is often entirely lost on the privileged left. I am guilty of being slightly jealous of rich people in a normal way (“oh wouldn’t it be nice to have that”). But I don’t begrudge them if they are polite about it. Good for them and their parents. It makes perfect sense to want your children to have a nice life. But I can’t stand the privileged lefties that want to tax everyone more but don’t voluntarily pay more tax themselves. Again lacking the courage of their convictions. I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the author and her friends were the type to attend Glastonbury festival and demand open borders while being surrounded by an impenetrable fence. The audacity coupled with a staggering lack of self awareness. Meritocracy is an ideal but the old adage “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know” still stands true. You shouldn’t feel guilty that your parents helped you. You should just feel grateful. Why are wages stagnant and people poor? Making people dependent on BOMAD and preventing social mobility?
Perhaps government policy over the last 3 decades has something to do with it? Perhaps flooding the country with cheap labour has something to do with it?
Perhaps if the supply of workers is so high then wages are likely to be suppressed? Businesses love an abundance of cheap labour. But no I’m sure the champagne socialists solution will be more high taxes. It is promising that she recognises the feminist brainwashing that women “can have it all” was flawed and despite that she has found a fulfilling job and family life. Good for her. And of course don’t forget the obligation to blame the patriarchy while boasting how much women outnumber men in various fields and earnings. Such an odd ideological blindness. There is a brief discussion about the female fantasy of being a tradwife but no mention of the impossibility of that for the majority of people since women entered the workforce and doubled the supply of labour starting the trend of depressed wages. No mention of the outrageous current tax burden, Government waste and mismanagement. It is no wonder people are struggling without parental support. Some of us would have loved a career in the arts but had to sacrifice dreams for practicality and get ourselves ‘proper jobs’ because we couldn’t rely on BOMAD. The author is proud of her socialist upbringing and the rebellion of her parents against the thatcher government, but she cannot understand generation z and their right wing leanings are a rebellion against the left wing Blairite paradigm of the last 3 decades. So ideologically short sighted. Despite recognising her naivety and some contradictory statements within the text the author cannot escape her feminist programming - everyone gets old: women most affected. An interesting analysis of the problem, but ultimately hollow, much like her politics/worldview.

[Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliantly written with some great insights into contemporary economics and the corresponding social impact. Inheritance is an interesting and sometimes difficult topic, and this book is well-researched and provides a wide range of topics within this niche, including focuses on class and feminism. would recommend.

[Natasha Salmi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really brilliantly written, I couldn’t stop reading. Filby paints a complete picture of Britain’s economic reality today (and the developed world more broadly), masterfully weaving together extensive academic research, interviews with people from all walks of life, and her own personal story.

The 21st century inheritocracy is something I think about a lot, and I’ve read shorter pieces on the topic before. While many of her ideas weren’t entirely new to me, the way she presented and explored them was fresh and engaging.

[Harriet Crossley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lots to think about.

[Joel Tillson-Janes · Rating 5 out of 5]

An insightful review for the future.

[Ben Harding · Rating 5 out of 5]

Almost harrowing towards the end, required reading for millennials and boomers alike.

I love that it’s more interview based

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very interesting and enjoyable read about a topic I find super interesting. I loved the exploration into the history of the Baby Boomers and how we, as a society, got here with so much wealth tied up in their generation.

[Tom Miner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this book as I had heard the author on a few podcasts. While I agree with her insights on how inheritance is shaping our lives as millennials in the UK, the narrative felt a little unfinished at times and was missing a conclusion, relying on her own experiences or stories from other individuals. The final section on old age and care costs was the most interesting.

[Conal Regan · Rating 5 out of 5]

An unapologetic and detailed analysis of the economic and social dynamics that will likely shape the post-boomer world.

[Imogen Hodges · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have mixed feelings towards this book. It was interesting but hard to take from the author who took until the epilogue to even acknowledge her astonishing level of privedge and whilst yes she had worked hard for her academic achievements and career she had been able to live rent free for majority of her 20s but still said she struggle financial.

The quote and comment i agreed with most came from carol "you cannot guaranter the inheritance. It is not a right".

Below are the notes i made during the read
I dont know why multiple people who spoke to the author about student debt think the Labour Gov will wipe the debt off

In chapter 6 some people who were interviewed seem to contridict themselves and there was lots of privedge showing. For example, Lucy judging her friends for spending money but she got money given to her from mum to buy a house.

Shocking how particular religion laws can cause wifes or daughter to miss out on inheritance!

Chapter 7 - strange dynamic - the ceo of a company giving financial advice blaming parents not downsizing their properties and not giving the money or making houses available for their children. This links to someone complaining that "their parents are spendimg their inheritance but in reality it is the parents money and they have earnt it to spend. Why are some convinced they have a right to their parents money?

Not sure how i feel on the term "burden" when describing giving care towards parents/grandparents

[Chris · Rating 2 out of 5]

"...the major question that lies at the heart of this book: is the Bank of Mum and Dad [...] inherently good or bad?"

I wanted to like this book because I've heard the author speak articulately about the issues it covers, but unfortunately I don't think it answered its own question. For me, it didn't work for two reasons. Firstly, it felt quite unfocused and more of a general critique on the millennial generation (e.g. boomerang kids, the 'millennial condition' of constant burnout), which was not what I signed up for. Secondly, I don't think trying to weave that into a memoir worked very well and I found myself skipping over those parts.

The take home messages of the book are that people should be more cognisant and acknowledging of their privilege in the form of the (financial) support they receive from their parents, and that the amount of inherited wealth will increase in the coming years as Boomers leave their property to their kids. I think this is part of a much wider debate about social and income inequality, i.e. it's not solely about what people stand to inherit in later life, but also the social capital and networks they're able to leverage way before that point.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every social issue looked at through the lens of the bank of mum and dad. Some points were common sense, others completely shifted perspective. Felt like I highlighted half of it!

[Theo Bennett]

Listened to audiobook.

[aimo9 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is scary. It puts into words that feeling of resentment I have towards some of my friends - those with parents living in London and receiving financial support; those who already own property thanks to parents; those who go on multiple foreign holidays and have money for everything, because they're still living at home.

Then I think of less fortunate friends: a perpetually single one with divorced parents, whose dad will likely leave decent wealth and assets to stepchildren instead of her. One who will leave London soon in order to 'settle down' because property is unaffordable. Then there is me: unlikely to receive any inheritance but in a relationship with someone who will.

How is it fair that the fortunes of young people today are largely drawn from the wealth of their parents and family?

The final chapter on old age care terrified me the most. Elderly people today live in general far longer than they used to - meaning the pressure on state pensions will continue to increase (with younger people paying for it). Older people living longer require more care - with younger people taxed more for state healthcare. But older people needing help also means they will dip into their life savings - meaning less or no inheritance for their children - and/or they will require care from those children, meaning less freedom and economic productivity for those children. Is it me or are we walking towards a ticking time bomb?

I would note though that I love my living grandparents (from whom I will not inherit anything). I also love my parents but the idea of my mother living with me (because it would be me, as the only daughter) puts the fear of god in me - as does the idea of caring for her when she gets frail. Plus she is too far away for childcare, if I decide to have kids. Is there still such thing as economic freedom for women? Does childcare and eldercare always get us in the end?

[Henrique B · Rating 4 out of 5]

A clear-eyed account dissecting the entrenchment of generational wealth divisions, pitting primarily the boomers against their millennial progeny.

Eliza Filby’s central premise is that in a world where asset price growth has outpaced wage growth, our collective belief in a meritocratic society has faded into a chimerical, unattainable myth. If meritocracy is the comforting narrative we refuse to let go of, Inheritocracy is the reality millennials live in. In this society, access to opportunity, wealth, and career advancement is largely underpinned by familial support, while the state has derelicted its duty to act as a social leveller by providing affordable health & social care and education.

Filby examines various aspects of inheritocratic society, including gender, the delayed onset of adulthood, taxation, and the implications of inheritance on social care and marriage trends. Her arguments are backed by statistics and a compelling series of interviews.

The book is rich in these personal accounts, and I appreciated the flexibility to dip in and out—skipping sub-chapters and some interviews while still following the narrative arc. Although I haven’t lived in the UK for many years, I found the book’s relevance transcends national borders.

One analogy that particularly stuck with me was Filby’s perspicacious comparison of millennials to the Edwardians: a generation straightjacketed by the values and ideals of the 20th century, yet living in a profoundly different era.

Overall, highly recommended — an incisive and illuminating read, even if you only manage to read a few chapters. Thank you, Eliza Filby, for writing this book.

[Ari Chand · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best cartographies of Millennial (Gen Y) experiences and the current intergenerational issues facing this generation. Filby blends memoir, interviews, and statistical analysis with wit and emotional nuance. She instills an unique personal sense of reflection to the stitched together case studies and interviews to rationally step you through the many interconnected pressures and issues facing the generation, wealth and life changes. This book forces a reckoning with the myth of social mobility and it documents an entrenched inequality that undercuts democratic ideals and personal autonomy.

Inheritocracy is a sharp, timely read. It challenges us to question the fairness of inherited financial privilege and to consider how, or if, meritocracy can survive an economy where the "privilege of birth" is increasingly decisive. A must-read for anyone interested in inequality, housing policy, intergenerational dynamics, gender relations in modern economy, or the shaky foundations of the contemporary social contract.

[Fran Henderson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Hmmm its a bit of a strange book, half political commentary, half dolly alderton messiness. I think this book is less useful in its analysis of class, and more useful in seeing inheritance as a form of redistribution of wealth. Because the people who have parental support for education, house deposits etc, aren’t a class of their own, but simply middle/ upper class. By claiming that this is THE distinction, Filby contradicts herself by repeating stories of rich parents not giving their kids inheritance or support etc. So it’s not the distinction, it’s simply a result of having extra wealth that you can afford to help out.
The book as well smacks of deserving vs undeserving rich, even though the author claims to see her privilege she also seems to obsess over making money that right kind of way.
Other problem is how strangely apolitical the book becomes at times, and how many times she cites Germaine Greer.
It’s written in an engaging way but I think the bits about Filbys life, like talking about guys she’s dated, are shoe horned in a clunky way into larger societal points.

[Molly h · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was toying with giving this audiobook four stars because I felt it lacked a critical and political edge, but I realised in reflection that the fair minded approach is what makes the book great at capturing stories from across the inheritocracy - from ultra rich multi-property owners, to BOMAD-less students unsure about their futures.

The chapters exploring the intersections between gender and inheritance were unexpected and fascinating, bringing light to often avoided conversations on shared bank accounts, strings-attached financial gifts and the links between economy, class and dating behaviours.

I headed into the book already with the firm belief we all should be more all honest regarding the BOMAD (or lack thereof) and feel affirmed. That is not to say that the book did not challenge or bring some privileges to light for me. I am still thinking about it now, and have spoken about it extensively to nearly everyone I’ve seen in the last month - a sign of a great read.

[Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

In recent years there has been a growing number of books dealing with the issue of generational wealth, rising inequality, the exorbitant cost of housing, and the hollowing out of the middle class. What is new about this book is its sociological perspective, rather than from a financial, economic, or political approach.

The book describes the millennial generational experience: over educated, over worked, under paid, facing a cost-of-living crisis resulting in financial dependence on parental help and inheritance, particularly with buying or renting a place to live, or paying down student debt while also navigating a cost-of-living crisis and two decades of stagnant wage growth.

The result is that family wealth, rather than merit or education, has become the definer of opportunity and success within society (Thomas Piketty describes this as the 'patrimonial middle class'). Those who have access to parental wealth are gifted with the opportunity to take risks, travel, pursue hobbies and experiments, undertake unpaid internships, and live in property conveniently closer to their work and social life.

However, when having access to parental financial resources becomes the main and only societal advantage, parental generosity becomes an economic and social problem. The author argues that success is no longer driven by meritocracy - the idea that with enough hard work, passion and creativity can be converted into capital gains. The result is a 'frustrated aspirant class' of the highly educated and over worked unable to secure access to a middle-class lifestyle on the basis of wage-labour alone.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, particularly the discussion on lower birth rates at a later age, and the unforeseen costs of the younger generations paying to look after the older generations in retirement and end of life care. Also, I don't usually like non-fiction books filled with personal anecdotes, but when done correctly alongside facts and stats, then the anecdotes give a human touch to the story and helps drive the narrative. My enjoyment of this book was informed by also reading Thomas Piketty's Capital in the 21st Century, The Tyranny of Merit by Michael Sandel, and The Trading Game by Gary Stevenson.

[Jukka · Rating 3 out of 5]

Filby tarkastelee hyvin laajasti sukupolven (erityisesti oman sukupolvensa eli millenniaalien) sisäisiä jakolinjoja, joihin vaikuttavat niin Äiskän ja Iskän Pankki (Bank of Mom and Dad, BoMaD) kuin asuntojen arvon nousun paisuttama perintövarallisuus. Meritokratia muuttuu vauhdilla perintövallaksi, kun ÄIP luo toisille enemmän mahdollisuuksia ja avittaa ensiasunnon hankinnassa. Avoinna oleva kysymys on se, missä määrin hoivakriisi tulee lopulta syömään perinnöt. Filbyn haastattelema talousneuvoja kertoo asiakaspariskunnilleen, että heidän pitäisi varata vanhuutta varten miljoona puntaa, jolla kustantaa molemmille viisi vuotta hyvässä hoivakodissa. Kirja on yhdistelmä elämäkerrallisuutta, anekdootteja kuin numeroita. Fokus on Isossa-Britanniassa, mutta vastaavassa tilanteessahan ollaan monissa länsimaissa.

[Cristina R · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know what I was expecting when I started reading this book, but I wasn't prepared to see the emotional connection between finances and generational wealth. Coming from a completely different background myself, it was eye opening to see what my peers of similar ages are struggling with.

As a foreigner in the UK that's not something I'm always privy to, and it really helps to bridge the knowledge gap of all these taboo topics. It's one thing to know the history of a country, and a completely different thing to understand the context and outcomes that resulted from history. This book was incredibly informative for me, and it certainly opened my eyes to the complexity of the topic.

[Terry Dickinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Well researched and written. As a 65 year old boomer with a recently married millennial son topic of house deposits apposite! Author’s dating history in chapter 5 hilarious. I lived in Tooting Broadway while at university in 1983. Cost of residential care in UK sobering. I live in Taiwan where elderly mostly looked after at home either by relatives or Indonesian carers. Millennials here have same issue with unaffordable housing. Not unusual for parents and grandparents to contribute to down payment in Taiwan and China.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall the book was OK and it was good to hear the subject being talked about out loud. It made some observations that I found interesting and gave some pretty depressing statistics about how successfully wealth is hoarded amongst the few. Eliza Filby wrote with a light touch and honesty which I liked. I did feel the book had a middle class London centric feel. For example, school fees were mentioned several times as if they're considered an essential cost (94.6% of children in the UK do not go to private school) Those aspects made me feel like the book wasn't talking to me.

[Marcus · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting read. A lot of food for thought and eye opening statistics but I would say it is rather depressing - empowering to some extent, makes one want to work smarter not harder - but mostly just pointing out a whole load of current problems in Western economies, particularly the UK. Certainly worth a read but I would encourage anyone reading it to put it down, go outside and practise gratitude every chapter or so.

[Sharon Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really well researched and well rounded look at some of the more pressing issues being faced by society. It covers a huge amount of issues and traces them back in a really interesting way it gave me lots of food for thought