Teaching Children About Sex: Using the Temple as Your Guide

by Cherri Brooks

It’s time for “the talk.” Teach your children the truth about sexual intimacy in a world of shifting values and ideas. With expert advice and age-appropriate wording, you learn how to use the temple as a beautiful analogy to discuss with your kids the sacred subject of sex. Timely and clear, this book is a must-read for parents, teachers, and leaders.

Genres: Nonfiction, Lds, Parenting

224 pages, Paperback

First published February 10, 2015

Reviews

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

6 STARS ACUTALLY!!!!

I don't even know where to start with this review. I have always thought that I am a very open person and we talk about sex and sexuality in our home often. I never want my kids to not be able to talk to me. When I was growing up sex is somethinng that was never talked about. When my mom sat me down before I got married and she told me her "sex" talk, I kind of just giggled. At that point I had learned more than I ever wanted to about sex from everyone else around me. There were so many things I wasn't aware of though when I got married, because it was such a taboo subject. Now, as a mom of a girl who is in the "marrying" age I am determined not to let her go into it blind like I did. I mean I knew the mechanics and what it was "suppose" to be like, but going through with it was a completely different thing. My parents are wonderful people whom I love more than anything, but they were brought up in a very different time, and when they were young sex was taboo also. It carried onto their children. Now I refuse to let it be a "taboo" subject especially in my home.

I fear in the LDS community that sex is still considered taboo to too many people. They are uncomfortable talking to their kids about sex and the feelings associated with it. Even, though I thought I was teaching my kids helpful, and doctrinal things about sex, some friends still think I am way to open. I think that I will have to share this book with every one I know.

If you want a guide on how to talk to your kids about sex, this book is so wonderful. It teaches you age appropriate ways to talk to your children. Most of all it taught me how to not "react" with anger or shame. To always react with love, and concern for the child. That was a real eye opener to me. I know for a fact I have said things like "it's just gross, don't do it". Now I know that is the wrong thing to say. We are going to have a FHE about this book. That is how wonderful I think it is.

Every child should be able to talk to their parent about their sexuality and sex. If they cannot talk to you then who are they getting their information from? Brooks does such a great job explaining, how to talk to your children, along with some questions and answers. Brooks gives a ton of resources for you to go to in your time of need to answer a question you may not know the exact right answer to, or just helpful books to assist you in talking to your kids.

Brooks emphasis on responding with love and not shame is so wonderful. I will now try harder to react the right way so there is not question that I love them, and that they should never feel ashamed of the feelings they are having. I love my kids and will no matter what choices they make in their lives. This book helped open my eyes to ways I can reiterate this love for them, especially in such a tender subject.

What I loved most is how Brooks brought the Temple in to every aspect of talking to our kids. Teaching them how important our bodies are and how they are a Temple, put a whole new perspective on how to approach the subject from now on.

I could go on and on. There are so many wonderful things I could say about this book. If you have any concerns about how to talk to your children about sex, not matter their age, this book is a wonderful resource. It truly tought me so many things, and has opened my eyes a lot, when I thought they were already open. Hmmm...Humbling experience reading this book!

Hands down the best resource book I have ever read!

Source: I received this book from the author in return for an honest review. I was not compensated in any way for this review. These are my own PERSONAL thoughts on the book.

[L_manning · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ah sex. Talking about it to children is often viewed as trial to be endured. However, it is a very important topic the becomes even more important as the world around us changes. This book uses the temple and temple preparation as an example for a way to discuss everything with your children starting from a young age. It gives straightforward answers from both biological and value viewpoints. By keeping the lines of communication open, you can allow for a truly wonderful experience.

My son isn't old enough that I've had to worry about going into a lot of detail about sex, but I have tried to be honest and truthful about things like where babies come from. I was both excited and a little scared about reading this book. I wasn't sure if it would approach things from a point-of-view that I would agree with. I was so pleased to be surprised. This book is amazing! I love how positive this book was. So many times talking about sex becomes a negative thing because we want them so much to understand the importance of chastity. This is not always the best approach though. We need to find a balance so that children and youth understand how important sex is and why we save it for the appropriate time and place.

I love that this book emphasizes the need for communication on this topic starting from a young age. This book helped me see areas I have done well and areas in which I could use some major improvement. There are questions and answers for each age group that have some great help in them. At the end of there book there is some dealing with "special" topics in this area. They were absolutely full of fantastic information and direction. I wish that everyone would read this book. It manages to be very sex positive while using the temple as a guide to show why chastity is so important to us. This is a book I know I'll reference for years to come. With it's beautiful message and positive tone, it takes what could be a touchy subject and makes it approachable for everyone.

Book provided for review.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have already had "the talk" with my children. I should say, the initial talk, because this is a topic that we have talked about more than once. My parents wouldn't discuss sex, so I learned about it from friends and other family members. I didn't want my children to go through that, knowing first-hand how scary it can be.

The author starts with building a foundation and preparing yourself to teach and discuss topics that might be uncomfortable. It's important to come up with a plan, communicate effectively and find ways to repeat information.

There are sections on topics to discuss or consider at each age, beginning when children are young. It starts with curious learners (ages 0-5), then progresses to concrete learners (ages 6-8 and 9-11) and finally conduct learners (ages 12+ and Premarital). Each section has a chapter with questions, answers and ideas. This is a good guide to help answer some of the difficult or uncomfortable questions and then there are ideas for conversation starters. The final section deals with special topics.

The biggest thing I have learned as I've talked with my children is to handle their questions without freaking out. There's a lot out there that they are exposed to and I want to help them understand the importance and sacredness of sex. This book helped me feel more confident in the areas where I feel like I'm on the right path and gave me great suggestions on ways I can improve. I have also treated it as a topic to discuss with my kids as they got older and like the ideas to help build a foundation with younger children so it becomes more natural as they get older.

If you're nervous about "the talk" and want to know how you can start now to help your children understand this topic, this book is a great resource!

I received a copy of this book to review. My opinion is 100% my own.

Mel's Shelves

[Exponent II · Rating 1 out of 5]

While I found that the foundation given to help parents talk to their children about sex was helpful and positive, there were some parts of the books where Brooks and I differ in our approaches in talking to our children. Brooks is clear from the beginning of her book that it is based in LDS teachings, and it is focused strictly on abstinence-only sexual education. She also maintains a hard line against any homosexual behavior, and says several times throughout the book that masturbation is sinful and should be avoided. There are many mentions of modesty in clothing, and she specifically references Dallin Oaks’ talk about “walking pornography,” stating that part of the reason we dress modestly is to prevent inappropriate thoughts in others. Additionally, she includes a harmful quote from “The Miracle of Forgiveness” suggesting that a woman’s virtue is worth more than her life, and that you should “preserve your virtue even if you lose your life.” While Brooks does try to tackle the quote and give an alternate framing, I think that the mere inclusion of the quote can be damaging, particularly to survivors of sexual abuse. Additionally, I found that almost all of the references to valuing a woman’s sexuality were in reference to childbearing. Given that many young women won’t be bearing children in their lives (for a variety of reasons), I had hoped for a broader discussion of how youth (and young women, in particular) could have healthy relationships to their sexuality apart from motherhood. I also hoped for more of the temple symbolism to be used – how can sexuality be used to teach us, as we are taught in the temple? How can it bind us and seal us to each other as couples? How can we use our sexuality to bless our own life and the life of our spouse? I would have enjoyed a more expanded section relating to the symbolism of the temple and healthy sexual expression in marriage.

To read this entire book review, please visit the Exponent blog: http://www.the-exponent.com/book-revi...

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

First, I need to say that I'm not typically one for parenting books. I definitely don't have all the answers, but I prefer talking to people I know over reading a stranger's ideas. My star rating on this one is more for how helpful I thought the book could be, over actually enjoying it.

My children are getting to the point that I know I need more preparation than I have to talk to them about sex. My parents didn't really talk to me about sex, so I don't have any sort of blueprint to go from when it comes to approaching this. When I was given the opportunity to review this book, I decided that it was probably a good idea to check out what the author had to say, especially because it is given from an LDS standpoint (the values held by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints).

This was not a comfortable read for me, and I'm still nervous to talk to my children (although the author points out several times that it's ok to feel that way). I didn't necessarily agree with everything that I read, but overall I thought the book had a lot of good information.

I liked that the book was broken down into age groups. Some of the potential questions asked in certain age groups shocked me, but they are probably realistic and it's good to be ready for them.

The most important thing that I took from the book is that it is imperative that we talk to our children throughout their younger years in a way that helps them understand how special our bodies are. We can give the wrong impression and make them feel shame and guilt if we focus on the negatives and don'ts all the time. If we are open and teach them starting when they are young, they will most likely feel comfortable coming to us with questions they have. We can be sure they are getting good information when we take the initiative, instead of leaving it to media, friends, etc.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I first heard about this book, I was immediately intrigued. While I am not a parent this is a topic that has long concerned me, especially with the way the world perceives sexuality. Brooks has done a superb job here explaining why teaching children about sex is so vitally important as well as great advice on how and when to do it. The first part of the book looks at why it needs to be done and the importance of reacting appropriately to child questions. She encourages honesty and calm explanations as the best way to address the topic.

I especially liked how she compared teaching children about sexual intimacy to preparation for attending the temple. She encourages the use of positive terminology rather than portraying sex as dirty and bad. Referring to sex as something to be experienced later within the commitment of marriage just as one teaches children to prepare for attending the temple later.

Since the home is the best place to institute moral values it becomes very important to teach children about sexual intimacy deliberately and carefully rather than letting children pick things up from the world around them. The second part of the book looks at various issues and ways to teach children at different age levels. I especially appreciated the ideas shared here because the author does such a great job of suggesting what can be said and how. The general parenting advice included throughout the book is also spot on and a great reminder of how a good example can be the most effective teaching tool of all. I highly recommend this book for parents or those who are concerned about helping children develop an appreciation for the importance of sex within the bounds of a healthy marriage.

[michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book extremely fascinating and educational and I know I will be visiting it again if/when I have children. I discovered this book on my parents' bookshelf and opened it at random to get a quick feel for the content. I was not prepared to be hooked right away, but I was. I ended up reading the whole chapter and decided I needed to look through it later that night. I didn't look through it. I practically read the whole thing. I will be honest, I did skip parts so I honestly can't say I finished the entire book but I'd wager I read about 90%. The only reason I didn't finish the other 10% was because I didn't want to read the introduction after I had finished the book and I skipped a couple of sections that I wasn't as interested in at the moment because I needed to go to sleep and had to put priorities first. But what I did read was extremely educational, thought provoking, and uplifting. I know I will revisit this book in the future.

If you do not belong to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I think this book would still be of great benefit to you if you are looking for a resource to help teach your child about sex. There will be parts that talk about beliefs and practices of the church, but you would just alter it to fit what beliefs you have in your home. I would highly encourage taking a quick read of the contents before setting it aside just because it is geared toward members of a different faith.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was super informative and timely. I love that it is so focused and direct. I have been putting off talking to my eight year old because of my own lack of how to help him know the facts and instill the true value of God's gift of sexuality. I love the temple comparison. I feel more confident that I can open up the dialogue with my children and be able to lead, guide, and walk beside them through this learning process. Thanks Cherri!

[Lindsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be very helpful in my research on how to talk to kids about sex. Her information was factual and well researched and she also added values to the discussion, while acknowledging that every family's values will differ slightly.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sex is a topic that often is brought up while raising children. Age appropriateness was handled well in this book. Open communication is so important at home because it’s a topic that is constantly discussed and portrayed in society today. I liked the author’s direction/focus of this book.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

An informative book that I wish I could have read when my kids were younger, but nevertheless informative even now that they are teens.

[Arianne Askham · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some really great points made in this book. Some just ok or even points I felt contrary to my own perspective. Nothing substantial, but enough that I had to remind myself a few times that this book is not LDS doctrine just because it’s written with an LDS perspective. But I would say that this is a great launching point for parents who want to lead with a strong scientific foundation while also honoring the sacred design of sex and intimacy. Read it when you have young young kids and revisit as necessary.

[Yolanda Johnson-Bryant · Rating 3 out of 5]

Publication Date: February 10, 2015 Title: Teaching Children About Sex – Cherri Brooks–– 224 Pages –Cedar Fort – 978-1476766966– Electronic ARC –3 Stars

Although I am a Christian, I review books from various genres. This review is based on its contents as a reader and reviewer and not as a believer of the LDS religion.

This book is broken into three sections: Building a Sexual Education Foundation, Age-by-Age Sexual Education and Special Topics.

I’m a firm believer that what you don’t teach your children, society will. Many of the beliefs in this book are similar to Christian, but not all of them. This book has suggestions that are separated into age groups like 6-8, 9-11, and 12 and up. It covers topics from masturbation, peer pressure, love, relationships, homosexuality, rape, abuse and abstinence.

Maybe I am a bit prude, but I found it odd that in the 12 and up section, there was a Q&A about douching. Whether you choose to douche or not, I don’t think that is something a 12-year-old should have to deal with.

I think basic sex education should come from a child’s parent, but I think the talk should also be based upon a child’s maturity level and ability to handle such serious issues. I know that our children are curious at various ages, however, I think that many things that parents can control tend to influence them, such as music, television and peer pressure. I walked away feeling some kind of way about this book, but just can’t put my finger on it.
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[Coleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not a Mormon (reference to Temple in the title). In fact, I thought the Temple might indicate Judaism, but I am a Catholic. Nevertheless, this is a great book for any parent of any faith. Not only does the author provide simple straighforward explanations about sex, considerning the complexity of the subject, but she also adds in values about sex. Despite my own religious education, and learning that the body is the Temple of the Holy Spirit, attitudes about sex, particularly in this country have veered strongly away from any religious connotations.

This book is clearly a head start in the right direction. Hopefully many parents will read and use the thoughts to help their children in the right direction.

I was a lucky winner of this great book in a Goodreads giveaway.

[Amanda Brasher · Rating 1 out of 5]

I apologize for this one star rating that is showing up at this time. I am not quite sure what happened! At this time, I have not read this book, but as soon as I do, I will put my review up. Again, I am so sorry to the author of this book.

[Richelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book will be good for me to use when my children get a little older they are only 4 and 6 now. It has good ideas on how to start conversations and have them with your child in a way that both parties will feel comfortable.