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penance.

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Demons of past mistakes haunt her. Mistakes of past demons haunt him.


Strangers cross paths every day. Moments are shared with a smile — the opening of a door, a nod of hello, or help with directions. Most don’t listen to that quiet intuition telling them that something different can be found in this stranger. There is connection and understanding in their eyes. There is truth in their smile. There is an entire life waiting to live. What happens if that intuition isn’t ignored and strangers begin to listen?


It happens every day, someone, somewhere, chooses to listen, and love begins.


This is the story of two strangers who made that choice.


Haunted by the passing of her sister and believing she was the catalyst to cause it, Hannah Anderson lives a walking death. Afraid to embrace life and burdened by guilt, she refuses to accept more than just getting through every day. She believes she doesn't deserve happiness.


Consumed by anxieties and self-depreciation from childhood, Wynn Hawthorne shelters himself from the world. Content to live behind his camera and within the quotes that comfort him, he avoids people. He holds himself back from experiences because people always disappoint.


Together they learn that their pasts do not define them and that forgiveness is the hardest thing in the world to accept.

ebook

First published May 14, 2014

37 people are currently reading
1382 people want to read

About the author

Sarah Buhl

7 books61 followers
Sarah Buhl. Sci-fi lover. Self-professed TV and IMDB guru. Gamer. Dreamer. Mother. Wife. Friend. Author of novels.

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5 stars
104 (32%)
4 stars
89 (27%)
3 stars
83 (25%)
2 stars
31 (9%)
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14 (4%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 86 reviews
Profile Image for Dee Montoya.
943 reviews598 followers
July 15, 2014
***3.5 Redemption Stars***

I was immediately drawn to this book after I saw the beautiful cover and read the interesting blurb. In this book the author does a fantastic job at humanizing these characters who were helpless to the abuse caused by their own parents shattering their hopes. But even in the darkest of days, the light always appears somehow...

Hanna comes from a very religious family where she was sheltered from everything her parents deemed immoral. She had a thirst for life, she wanted to experiment everything to the fullest while her older sister was the more obedient and always trying to tame Hanna. The were a lot of secrets between these two sisters and ultimately the burden was too much for the eldest, making her give up on life, leaving Hanna behind broken by the guilt. Hanna moves away from home with her cousin but she's just a shell of the girl she used to be, now she's always pretending and just drifting through life, all that until she meets Wynn. He is the handsome and strange man full of tattoos and every time he looks at her she can feel him learning and understanding all of her darkest truths just with one look.

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Wynn is broken and full of pain. He always keeps to himself, the few friends he has are from childhood and his therapist, who he sees frequently to help him cope with all the pain and the trauma caused by his mother. Wynn doesn't care to interact with anybody but when he looks into Hanna's eyes he finds peace. When he's with her he wants to erase the pain in her eyes and protect her from all the bad, making him forget his own problems. Will these two broken souls be able to help each other heal through love?

" We were two people broken inside, but together we were putting the pieces of ourselves back in place, one moment at a time."

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I liked this book but as I was reading I had trouble staying connected to the story, it was my anxiety to see these complicated characters find the redemption they deserved what kept me going. I think mainly I was not able to stay fully engaged at all times , because half the story was so slow while the other half progressed extremely fast making me confused and feeling as If I was reading two different stories. The writing style was beautiful and as someone who is a lover of words I felt the passion in this author's work and I'll be sure to check out more of her books in the future.

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"Freedom is found through living. Joy is found through forgiveness. Truth is found through love."

Profile Image for M..
446 reviews45 followers
May 17, 2014
Finally, a NA novel that doesn't suck. I highly recommend.
Profile Image for TeriLyn.
1,385 reviews441 followers
August 31, 2016

**Penance generously provided by the author in exchange for an honest review.**

When you sit down to read Penance prepare for an emotional journey through the intersecting lives of Wynn and Hannah. Told from alternating points of view, the melancholy ache hanging over the pages makes you desperate for a happily ever after. Wynn and Hannah present as two different characters than a lot of other New Adult main characters, especially Wynn. The author built their characters slowly which at times especially in the beginning of the book I really had to push through some the inner dialogue in order to finish. But the development was worth sticking with it.

Wynn and Hannah both cloaked themselves in darkness in order to hide the deep pain they both endured in their pasts. Without giving away the plot I’ll just say there are stories where two people who have been dealt really bad hands in life, come together to feel something – anything. What Wynn and Hannah find in each other is salvation and freedom. Wynn surely wasn’t the typical male lead character I’m used to reading. His aloofness, while justified, was disconcerting compared to other male lead characters. However, he gave a lot to the reader; he had a natural hope inside of him that I thought the author really worked to this characters advantage. Hannah’s brokenness made her enticing. These two are intriguing characters, well developed and likeable. Having had some trouble connecting with either of them, I still found them to be characters for whom I wanted to see find their light.

Penance provided an intriguing read. I had trouble getting into it in the beginning, like I said, but once I got past the first parts I found the characters more enjoyable. The author has a unique way with words helping to keep focus on the story. The inner dialogues present by both Wynn and Hannah at times seemed too lengthy and drawn out to where I found myself skimming through. But the meat of the story really intrigued me and held together with interesting characters. This is a title I probably wouldn’t re-read but do recommend to New Adult readers who like refreshingly different characters and honest prose.
Profile Image for ❃**✿【Yasmine】✿**❃.
810 reviews652 followers
July 16, 2014
2.5 STARS

I quite liked the uniqueness of the characters in 'Penance' and it did have it's good moments. But the whole thing was too OTT for me.


The characters problems/pasts were BAD problems, but their reaction to them was too much, there was too much anxiety and angst from them.
No kissing, no touching, doesn't like circles, has to be near an exit, doesn't like the way women smell, prefers to talk to strangers, just sex, no sex, doesn't like being around people, both in a self contained exile, has tattoos to heal, has some kind of OCD, is indifferent....
I swear I could go on.

Then there was the way they stared at each other in multiple encounters for the whole first 30% of the book, both understanding the other just by looking at them. They wear 'masks' and have 'walls'.

The OTT love of books. I get it. They love books. How many book titles can we name drop? Or song titles?

Lastly, the corny dialogue. It was too much, too preachy, overly sickly and the main reason I rated it so low.

For eg, in their first verbal encounter the heroine says this;

'We pass strangers daily and forget that they have their own story. We are minor characters in theirs as they are ours. So I learned to listen and let them tell me theirs. The customers who always were willing to tell their stories to a a stranger were those who held sadness in their eyes. They lost part of themselves to their memories and needed someone to listen so they might be found.'

I suppose if you like this kind profoundness, then you wouldn't agree with me. But yeah, there was a lot of this kind of dialogue, which to me was unrealistic.

'When we are living we have control of our masks. In death, we lose that control and secrets who themselves to the world. It's as if they sleep in peace, waiting for the last breath to come so they can move with freedom, spreading their wings across loved ones left alive.'
Profile Image for M.H. Soars.
Author 29 books432 followers
May 14, 2014
I received an ARC from the author in exchange for an honest review

I have no words to describe the myriad of feelings this novel instilled in me. Penance. A love story is a fantastic debut novel by the very talented Sarah Buhl. I need time to organize my thoughts to write a proper review.

Okay, here is the review:

In Penance we get to know two unique individuals that for different reasons are trapped in the past. They both carry their demons with them but the way they handle their stuff is very distinct.

Hannah blames herself for something that happened two years before and feels she must punish herself. Her penance is to not get close to anyone and to only have meaningless, empty sex with random men.

Wynn suffered abuse as a child and therefore he can't stand to be close to people. There are only a few friends in his life that he trusts but even so he maintains his distance. Wynn's refuge is his art.

Both Hannah and Wynn are extremely layered characters and Sarah does an excellent job telling us their story without using cliched settings or stereotyping. Hannah and Wynn's love story is believable because it developed in an organic way. There's plenty of sexual tension and I admire and hate Sarah at the same time for making me wait so long for the infamous first kiss. Gosh, that was torture! lol

The NA genre market is saturated with mediocre, predictable novels and it's not often that I agree to review books in the genre. I recently read a NA novel by an author I really liked and was completely disappointed by the delivery.

Penance is definitely a gem in the genre and I highly recommend it to everyone who loves an epic love story.
Profile Image for Aestas Book Blog.
1,059 reviews75.1k followers
Want to read
August 10, 2016
I was sent a review request for this and liked the sound of it... seems very different so I'm adding it to my list :)



Demons of past mistakes haunt her. Mistakes of past demons haunt him.

Strangers cross paths every day. Moments are shared with a smile — the opening of a door, a nod of hello, or help with directions. Most don’t listen to that quiet intuition telling them that something different can be found in this stranger. There is connection and understanding in their eyes. There is truth in their smile. There is an entire life waiting to live. What happens if that intuition isn’t ignored and strangers begin to listen?

It happens every day, someone, somewhere, chooses to listen, and love begins.

This is the story of two strangers who made that choice.

Haunted by the passing of her sister and believing she was the catalyst to cause it, Hannah Anderson lives a walking death. Afraid to embrace life and burdened by guilt, she refuses to accept more than just getting through every day. She believes she doesn't deserve happiness.

Consumed by anxieties and self-depreciation from childhood, Wynn Hawthorne shelters himself from the world. Content to live behind his camera and within the quotes that comfort him, he avoids people. He holds himself back from experiences because people always disappoint.

Together they learn that their pasts do not define them and that forgiveness is the hardest thing in the world to accept.
Profile Image for Cristal.
561 reviews74 followers
August 15, 2015
This book was absolutely wonderful! The writing was beautiful, and the characters and their story was heart-breaking. Hannah and Wynn are two characters that will be on my mind for a while, because their love story touched me deeply.
This debut novel from Sarah Buhl, is on par with the works of much more established writers. Sarah truly has a gift because this story affected me greatly. She created a piece of art that made me FEEL severely, and infected me with the emotions of fictional characters that are a real as you and I, because the experiences they've endured are very real.
I'm still very much reeling from this emotional book, so this review isn't going to be very detailed, or even very eloquent. I have to say that it's not dialogue heavy, and you'll spend a lot of time in Wynn's and Hannah's head, so if you like rapid paced books, this isn't for you. But, if you like books with more hushed, emotional moments, then you'll love this. This book doesn't make a lot of noise, but it still resonates. All I can say is READ THIS BOOK. It's a gem! I'm pretty sure I highlighted half of it, the writing was so beautifully moving.
Profile Image for Mandy.
1,559 reviews235 followers
May 20, 2014
4.5 stars

This story was very emotional. Wynn and Hannah are two very damaged people who have suffered awful tragedies in their lives. Wynn is a beautiful, tortured man with secrets and heartbreak. He is a virgin and doesn't like to touch people or be touched. His story made me cry and really broke my heart. He was really a beautiful character and you just want to reach through the book and hug him. Hannah really made me mad at points in this book and I had a hard time understanding her actions until much later in the book. Overall, I really enjoyed this book even though the subject matter was hard for me to deal with at times. The writing was beautiful and the supporting characters were likeable. I'm looking forward to reading more in this series.
Profile Image for Rosemary.
650 reviews
July 24, 2014
This was a freebie on Amazon. I wasn't impressed by it even though it was rated highly. Hannah and Wynn are two very broken people. Hannah carries the guilt of her sister's suicide. She punishes herself by having random sex with lots of men. These hook-ups are her penance. She is not allowed to feel, hope, or want. Her body is to be used. Wynn spent his childhood being physically and sexually abused by his mother. This abuse has prevented him from engaging in any sexual encounters with women. One day he sees Hannah and is instantly intrigued. The first 60% if this book was so slow for me. I caught myself a couple of times falling asleep. Still I kept reading because I wanted to know what happens to the characters once they finally get together. They obviously heal each other, information about Hannah's sister's suicide comes to light, etc., etc. I just wasn't impressed. I did not like Hannah. She kept saying that she was living for her sister, but then punishes herself by random sex. The story was too slow, I wish only one of the characters had drama (not both) because I think it was just too much. This is not to say that the issues involved are not serious, but there was too much drama surrounding these two. I wasn't even expecting a light hearted romance, but I feel like romance didn't kick in until the last quarter of the book.
Profile Image for Anita.
34 reviews
May 31, 2014
I really had to push myself to finish this. The conversations had...the inner dialogue that went on and on was just TOO much. Everything out of their mouths was over descriptive and I found myself rolling my eyes. The main character, Wynn wasn't so bad, but Hannah? She was such a pain in the ass. :((
Profile Image for Christy.
192 reviews7 followers
April 23, 2014
Penance

Sarah Buhl I received a free copy of this book to read and review for Wicked Reads.

This book left me breathless and filled with hope. The author drawls in you letting the characters devolpe and become real to you. Fast than you think you are rooting for the characters and wanting to know more about them. And not use the main characters, the supporting ones as well. I had to stop reading for awhile because I was not ready to say goodbye to Wynn and Hannah. I LOVED LOVED LOVED this book and it’s references for pop cultural and especially nerdoms had me clapping and jumping for joy. I honestly open this is not the last book to take place in this world because I feel there is so much more from the characters. This book is a MUST read for those that like a good love story.

Jedi Christy
Wicked Reads Review Team
Profile Image for Sara Burr.
Author 13 books538 followers
July 5, 2014
“We may make bad choices, but we don’t have to let them define us.”

Penance. A Love Story is the debut novel by author Sarah Buhl, and I have to say that it’s probably one of the most impressive and captivating romances I have ever read. Ms. Buhl has a way with words that is beyond beautiful and their construction is so poetic that I found myself on more than one occasion thinking, Wow. When a writer is passionate about a story, it’s written all over their work, and it’s obvious that Ms. Buhl has a true passion for the truly fantastic story she’s written in Penance.

Penance is the story of Wynn Hawthorne and Hannah Anderson, two young, very broken people who have both faced incredible pain in their lives inflicted by tragedy and abuse. Hannah is dealing with the death of her sister, which she blames on herself, while Wynn is dealing with the effects of years of mental and physical abuse at the hands of his own mother. In order to cope with their pain, both of them constructed emotional walls to keep the rest of the world out. But when they meet each other, they can’t deny their connection and, together, they embark on a journey of love, forgiveness and healing.

“There’s so much I want to say, but the words are hollow compared to the feelings I have when I’m near you.”

“We all have to face our demons, Hannah, if we don’t, they eat us up inside and steal every breath away.”

I’m not usually a highlighter of quotes when I read, unless I find something that moves me to the point where I feel compelled to commit it to memory. Typically, this will only happen once every few books, and I may only find one or two quotes to highlight. In Penance, however, I found myself wanting to highlight something on practically every other page. There were so many passages that resonated with me and made me think.

The characters in Penance are both relatable, believable, and well-developed. Besides Wynn and Hannah, I particularly liked Sid, Petra, Gabe, and Maggie, all of whom were great supporting characters and, at times, provided some comic relief in a novel about otherwise serious issues. I’ve never read a book like Penance before, and found the plot to be extremely well-developed. It flowed together well, and it was both emotional and heartbreaking at times (to the point where I found myself tearing up).

In short, Penance is a truly moving, beautifully written and well-constructed novel of forgiveness and love that I will not soon forget. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a great new romance or just a well-written, moving story in general.
Profile Image for Andrew.
12 reviews27 followers
June 22, 2014
I will begin by stating that this is not something I would normally read - by genre at least. I considered this book to be a holiday in fiction.
Ok, got that out the way with..
I don't know if I'm the first male to review this book, the reviews I have seen have all been very good and most of them hold this story in high regard, and my review will mostly mirror those.
Penance. a love story - it starts very simply, and I like that. The focus is on two main characters, Wynn ( mistakes of past demons haunt him ) and Hannah ( demons of past mistakes haunt her ). This story has a lot of focus on reality, and people with problems. Every single page I read left me feeling I had lots in common with both characters ( after all we all have problems ), and their story pulled me along with them very quicky. I could of finished this book in a day if I had the time, it was that good.
Wynn and Hannah meet very early on in the story, or better put, they come across each other early on, and they keep bumping in to each other. They don't actually meet properly for a while. As the reader, I found myself willing them together ( knowing full well it was to be the story! ).
The best thing about what was to happen was the dark past that both characters have to dredge up - and it is dark, they both cope in different ways, but the way they cope is far from ideal. Combine those dark pasts along with Wynn and Hannah gradually seeing more of each other and sharing their history, and the story unfolds further. When the inevitable happens, its a beautiful thing.
I found this story hard hitting ( probably why I do not read books like this ), but incredibly rewarding. There were times when I found reading it felt quite personal, and that's the realism shining through once again. This is more than a love story, so much more, and I'm glad of that because I wouldn't have enjoyed it otherwise... But enjoy it I did, and I could talk about it all day to be honest.

If you like a simple, predictable love story, dont read Penance.
But, if you like something which feels very real, and is so well balanced out with people with problems who find and help each other, then this story is for you.

I'm glad I read this, it was a holiday in fiction like I said, and it was something totally different for me.

Five stars!
Profile Image for Lisa.
141 reviews2 followers
June 2, 2014
Wow, I'm not sure where to begin with this review. This book stole my heart and then some. I truly fell in love with Penance.a love story! It was written beautifully, with a lot of heart and depth.



Just about from the beginning, I was in awe at Wynn's inner dialogue. Its as if the author read my thoughts and feelings then decided to write a book about what she discovered. It was quite bizarre, let me tell ya!



Wynn is a person who dealt with extreme abuse as a child. Besides typical abuse that we are use to hearing about, Wynn went through abuse that is hardly talked about and I have never read in a book before. I give the author a standing ovation for this. Because of what Wynn went through as a child, it molded him into the person he is as an adult. Somebody who suffers from severe anxiety - social anxiety. That is something I'm all too familiar with. The author couldn't have captured this character in a more realistic way.



Hannah is a person who lives with extreme guilt. She lives her life only to suffer as she felt she made her sister suffer. She feels she does not deserve happiness. She was also abused as a child, but differently than Wynn. I loved her character and could relate to her as well. Not as much as Wynn, but the connection was still there.



Fate brings these two characters together. It was a sad, yet beautiful, journey that I felt I took along with them. They except each other at face value. They listen to each other, but do not try to change or fix the other. They just 'are' together and as they slowly open up, magical things happen.



Every single person in this world has suffered from either anxiety, depression, abuse in some form, feeling like they don't fit in, or guilt at one point in their lives. If not, they at least know somebody who has. With that being said, I feel this book will fill many hearts as it has done mine. Not only has it filled my heart, it makes me feel like I am not alone. I am not the only one who suffers from anxiety and social anxiety. Yes, this book and characters are fictional, but really they're not. They are as real as you and me.
Profile Image for Tamara.
270 reviews38 followers
December 9, 2015
Words cannot express how beautiful this story is. I loved every single word of it. The author shows so much depth in this story. The truths, the ugly and the beautiful ones. The pain, the emotions, all of it. Woven together in such a way that make you live the story of Wynn and Hannah as you're a part of them. If you're a lover of words, the magic ones that make you feel everything, do yourself a favor and read this book.

Penance is a beautiful, poignant, powerful and heartwarming love-story.

I've had this sitting on my Kindle since July. I can't remember if I actually read the blurb, but there's something about the cover alone that pulls you in. So familiar (I'm from Belgium), yet so different and mysterious. All I'm asking myself now is why I didn't read this sooner. I totally loved it! And even if I got this as a freebie back then, it's worth so much more!
Keep up the good work, Mrs Buhl, and I'll keep reading! I can't believe this is your debut novel, and I can't wait to read what you'll give us in Dissonance. I'll get to that one very soon!

Buy on Amazon - Free with KU
Profile Image for GoodGlory.
417 reviews3 followers
May 26, 2014
*I received a free copy of this book to read and review from Wicked Reads.
Hannah is punishing herself in the worst way. Things that happen to us as kids affect our future. Things that happen to those we love? It can really mess you up. Wynn is also dealing with his own issues. Together they pull the darkness from each other. This story is about healing as much as it it about love. I liked this book . It was emotionally heavy. I had another review, about how I didn't think this book was amazing. That it was just good. Sometimes I have to let the words sink in. I don't know what I was thinking.. It's heart opening when characters in a story can redeem themselves in their own eyes. Forgive themselves for the past, especially while finding love within someone else. It was really well written with complex and well thought out characters!

*Wicked Reads Review team*

Wicked Reads Review Team
Profile Image for Trisha ❊ Devoured Words.
303 reviews94 followers
May 21, 2014
This book is BRILLIANT. Incredible story line. So unique on its own. The way each word weaves itself into the readers mind creating feels throughout your heart and soul. Bright fireworks of FEELS follow in the background. Making the journey the most beautiful one. This isn't a romance book but real life with a love story. It is a journey of forgiveness, truth and love. It's a story of fighting your demons and coming out as a survivor. It's a story of seeing the real you in yourself. It's a story of letting go of fears, pain and punishment and just really living. It's a story of two very broken people living in pain and finally healing themselves.
Profile Image for Sue Ann.
475 reviews38 followers
February 14, 2015
Beautiful and Unique

Beautifully written and unique, I fell in love with this book and characters. I fell in love with Sarah Buhl's words. I highlighted and read parts out loud. I was deeply moved her words and characters. To put it simply LOVED this book and the writing style. I will be definitely be reading more of this author in the future.
Profile Image for Michele.
14 reviews
May 18, 2014
Loved this story. I found it very well written and thoughtful. I suck at reviews but, I want to read more of her work, which to me is my #1 requirement these days of a new author. Would I read this book again? Absolutely.
Profile Image for Mary.
525 reviews21 followers
May 27, 2014
Did not finish…gave up at 34%. I just didn't feel any connection to the story. Wynn and Hannah seemed too Emo for me. And I didn't like Wynn's voice or thoughts….he sounded too girly. He said "OMG" in his head too many times…do 20 yr old guys really say OMG?
Profile Image for Kristin Young.
291 reviews
November 5, 2014
At 29%, I finally gave up. I'm not one to NOT finish a book, and hated that I was unable to continue with this one. I absolutely did not get the storyline, and thought it was drawn out & just hard to stay interested.
Profile Image for Bookworm Betties.
254 reviews16 followers
June 1, 2014










Wow, I'm not sure where to begin with this review. This book stole my heart and then some. I truly fell in love with Penance.a love story! It was written beautifully, with a lot of heart and depth.





Just about from the beginning, I was in awe at Wynn's inner dialogue. Its as if the author read my thoughts and feelings then decided to write a book about what she discovered. It was quite bizarre, let me tell ya!





Wynn is a person who dealt with extreme abuse as a child. Besides typical abuse that we are use to hearing about, Wynn went through abuse that is hardly talked about and I have never read in a book before. I give the author a standing ovation for this. Because of what Wynn went through as a child, it molded him into the person he is as an adult. Somebody who suffers from severe anxiety - social anxiety. That is something I'm all too familiar with. The author couldn't have captured this character in a more realistic way.





Hannah is a person who lives with extreme guilt. She lives her life only to suffer as she felt she made her sister suffer. She feels she does not deserve happiness. She was also abused as a child, but differently than Wynn. I loved her character and could relate to her as well. Not as much as Wynn, but the connection was still there. 





Fate brings these two characters together. It was a sad, yet beautiful, journey that I felt I took along with them. They except each other at face value. They listen to each other, but do not try to change or fix the other. They just 'are' together and as they slowly open up, magical things happen. 





Every single person in this world has suffered from either anxiety, depression, abuse in some form, feeling like they don't fit in, or guilt at one point in their lives. If not, they at least know somebody who has. With that being said, I feel this book will fill many hearts as it has done mine. Not only has it filled my heart, it makes me feel like I am not alone. I am not the only one who suffers from anxiety and social anxiety. Yes, this book and characters are fictional, but really they're not. They are as real as you and me.
12 reviews4 followers
September 19, 2014
"Demons of past mistakes haunt her. Mistakes of past demons haunt him."

There is no better way of describing how past experiences had entwined Wynn and Hannah. They were both haunted. For how long is irrelevant. They were haunted and it brought there brokenness.

Hannah has been blaming herself for her sister's death for years. She believed that since she caused her sister's death, she doesn't deserve to life and happiness. she deserves numbness and hollowness and emptiness as well as pain. but never joy. she exist but cannot allow herself to live. that is her penance.

Wynn's demons did not give him any choice. he did not make any decision that created his demons. Wynn's childhood was very horrible not only due to the abuses he endured but also to the person who abused him. he grew up believing he was his mother's property. an object. when his mother died the memories of her kept haunting him.

When they crossed path it was...forgive my choice of word....magical. There was o other way for me to describe it. They met in a very common way and in a very common place but the fact that they met is what made the moment magical. The moment they met i wanted nothing more than for things to get better for them ASAP. in every interaction i rooted for them, i supported them and if i were a parent of one of them, i would sure give my blessings to them too.

There were so much emotion in this book it cannot contain them all. Those emotions overflow and the one reading the book has no choice but to receive them. In every painful encounter, in every painful conversation and in every painful action i read the words with sadness in my eyes. I feel that if i look in the mirror i would see the sadness in Sid and Petra's eyes. They both deserve goodness but deprive themselves so much. in every fear, i wanted to protect them, shield them, assure them that it's worth it to try and face them. That what awaits outside there walls are pure joy, incomparable happiness, freedom, truth and most of all...love. but i couldn't do it. there's just no way of doing it. i would have despite the action ruining the story. My apologies Sarah Buhl. (I feel unworthy reading their story.)

I would have stopped reading if it wasn't for the great magnificent moments that they have claimed together. When they feel pure untainted happiness deep inside them i could feel it too. When they think about how much they love each other i shout in my mind "Say it out loud!!!" and when they smile? God, i smile wider for them.

Sarah Buhl used very realistic words. portrayed realistic events and decisions made. I have learned a lot from this book. It made me insightful and look back on the decisions i once made and how it affected me now. it also made me appreciate many things.

5 STARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
192 reviews18 followers
June 6, 2014
This was the very first book I read by this author and it was absolutely amazing. This story will stay with me for such a long time. I found myself highlighting so much it was freaking ridiculous. The words are like poetry and some of the lines have so much meaning it's breathtaking. I found myself trying to catch my breath quite a few times. Sarah has such a wonderful way with words:

"I love words. Sometimes words fill every part of my chest to the point that I could combust in on myself if I don't continue listening or get them out of me."
"They wrap themselves around me and I'm left lying in a nice comfortable hammock, just waiting for the day to end. It's like being surrounded by crickets chirping but not just a single one, "....
"But the choruses of ones that create a rhythm on a summer breeze and lull you into a deep sleep. Words are home to me. Quotes, lyrics and even single words on their own -they hold something in them that can make your heart bleed or soar. Sometimes the absence of them can hold as much meaning." - Hannah

I fell in love with the writing and the characters and found myself pulled into the story from the first page. I savored every moment and what I love the most is how much I connected with Hannah. She has a passion for words and books but isn't one for small talk so when she does speak she makes it count, every word. Wynn, "ahhhh" Wynn so strong and supportive and yet he struggles with his own demons of the past that makes him question everything. They are both seeking the truth behind a mask of lies and guilt. But they find the truth within each other. They've built their walls but with every moment they claim it crumbles brick by brick. Little do they know that everything they've ever wanted and needed is yet to come. The connection and depth of these characters is fantastic and the writing is so brilliant it's almost lyrical. I adored it and highly recommend it as it is by far this years one of my top reads, hands down.

"I have held hands before and felt nothing. I have read several books where they describe holding someone's hand for the first time as electric or earth shattering. There wasn't electricity when Wynn took my hand and the earth remained still. The warm bubbling excitement didn't happen and my cold emptiness was absent as well. It simply was. His hand holding mine was as astronomical and as quiet as the pull of the moon on the tides. It was as if everything came into proper alignment by the simple interlocking of our fingers. The earth didn't shatter, but something monumental happened." -Hannah
4 reviews
July 17, 2014
If there was such a thing as perfect conceptulization about imperfect people, this would be it. While reading "Penance" I never once thought that Sarah Buhl was a new writer and this was her debut novel. The exquisite elegance and spot-on raw emotion with which she wrote with led me to assume that she was a seasoned pro with several bestsellers under her belt already.

"Penance" is primarily about two people who are so damaged that it takes the miracle of finding and accepting each other to realize they are not only capable of loving but also deserve to be loved unconditionally. But more than that, this dramatic masterpiece is about as far away as you can get from the over-done melodrama reminiscent of teenage angst-ridden shows like "Dawson's Creek" as a book can get. Don't be quick to judge this book as another love story whose happy ending is impeded more by the love interests' getting in their own heads too much than anything else.

Hannah and Wynn have good reason to distrust the world and not have any faith in humanity. They have both suffered pain on a level that would cause most people to be consumed by despair long ago. But they exist. And when they learn to trust each other, the eventually learn what it is to live and live well.

Sarah has a gift for articulating feelings, emotions, gestures, and responses that I did not think was possible. This is also not your typcial love story because Hannah and Wynn don't sleep together right away and discover their love for each other through their physcial intimacy. Quite the opposite, every touch is cherished and Wynn even refuses to kiss Hannah until he is sure it will be special enough to be worthy of her.

I cannot say enough good things about "penance. a love story". If you want to grow as a person and enjoy a wonderfully human story that (thankfully) Hollywood won't pick up anytime soon (hopefully never), then read this book.
Profile Image for Rosie.
9 reviews
August 15, 2014
This is very different from most of the NA genre I've read recently. Let's just say I finished this two weeks ago and I still feel deeply for the characters. In Penance: a love story, Sarah Buhl draws in her readers by illustrating all that is different, broken, dirty, wrong, and bad within Wynn and Hannah in a way which doesn't evoke pity or judgement.

The writing (particularly the dialogue) is refreshing and intelligent. I can't convey enough just how great it is to read a NA novel which doesn't assume I need every. single. concept. spelled out.



Great read if you are in the mood for a straight-up love story between two messed-up people who are able to converse deeply and effortlessly.
Profile Image for Claire.
83 reviews4 followers
July 9, 2014
I absolutely loved this book. With some books it's just not that easy to write a review straight away, and certainly one like this when you just have to sit back and digest it a while when they have that effect on me.

Wynn, he hasn't had an easy life, years of abuse from his mother, having things done to him unimaginable that no child should have to go through, so he finds it hard to let anyone get past his walls he puts up.

He happens to meet Hannah who doesn't seem like any other girl and is drawn to her but because of his past he feels nothing can ever come of this.

Hannah has her own problems, she has all the guilt in the world on her shoulders over the death of her sister as because of her actions she blames herself for. So she too has her own walls up and has her own way of dealing with her past.

Wynn and Hannah are perfect for each other, they don't try to fix or change one another , what a beautiful journey we are taken on and what a perfect ending.
Profile Image for Juliana Silva.
70 reviews8 followers
May 31, 2014
If i could i'll give this book a thousand stars. Was the most exciting and heart breaking and happy and all the things most wonderful in this world! I wrote a beautiful review for Amazon but i dont know what happened!
Well i tell to everybody that this this is a otally must read. I think Hannah and Wynn are amazing characters and the history have consistency and reality and some things that happen are very dificult to bring in a book but was so well writing.
I think that the music that most related with this book for me is My Body is cage by Arcade Fire,the relatioship of both of them with their body and everything that had happened with them is really terrible and because of that they spend their lifes struggling with their lifes and their bodies! I love it! Thanks for the book lady, can't wait for the next. (that will be a next right?)
Profile Image for Johanna Sawyer.
3,473 reviews41 followers
September 12, 2016
Thanks for a free book to read and review for Wicked Reads.
Penance
: something that you do or are given to do in order to show that you are sad or sorry about doing something wrong.
This book was really well written, and I truly enjoyed it. It stayed well within the genre and the writing was very eloquent. The story premise was very promising and the synopsis is what caught my eye. The cover was ok, and the title apt. The characters Wynn and Hannah were both very intriguing, and the same time there upbringing was sad. The storyline flow was engaging and it really pulled me into the story. Both characters were broken, and the story unfolds into a romance. Overall entertainment is five stars....nicely done.
Profile Image for Holli Buck.
100 reviews6 followers
July 12, 2014
3.75 stars
So I was really loving this book. I was connected to the characters and the story. I was loving the real progression of Wynn and Hannah's relationship. Then somewhere around 70-75% it was like lights out and slowly I began to lose interest. A disconnect began. The further I read the more I felt like the story was rushed. Maybe it was just me. Maybe I was missing something, but that real and true progression I was feeling just dwindled away the closer I got to the end.
I will say the writing style was fantastic. There was some really great dialogue. Especially between Wynn and Hannah. Overall I think it was a job well done and a great story. I just wish that last 30% hadn't felt rushed to me.
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