The Art of Friendship 70 simple rules for making meaningful connections

by Roger Horchow, Sally Horchow

The frantic pace and casual attitudes of modern life have made real friendship a rare experience. The Art of Friendship shows how making true connections can greatly enhance one's life. Seventy brief essays present simple but effective "rules of connecting" with action points to help you put each rule into practice in daily life. Woven throughout are personal anecdotes from the Horchows, sharing their experiences of friendship.
Recognizing that friendships take many forms, the authors offer practical, proven advice that demystifies the process of making friends.
The rules
How to create rapport-- even in a crowd
How to transform an acquaintance into a friend
When to e-mail, pick up the phone, send a note, or meet in person
How to maintain long-term friendships --and even when it's time to quit
The book opens with a foreword by Malcolm Gladwell (author of The Tipping Point ) that explores the Horchows' special talent for making and keeping friends. Whether your goal is to start a new relationship or reinvest in a longstanding friendship, this inspiring book will reveal how you can build more meaningful connections in your life.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships, Self Help, Friendship, Audiobook, Psychology, Personal Growth

Paperback

First published January 1, 2005

Reviews

[Kyle Kerns · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a particularly deep read, this book did provide many ideas that if put in place would help me develop new friendships and maintain those older friendships that I hold so dear. Several of the "rules" seemed redundant, but I decided to list some of my favorites (ones I think I do well and want to continue as well as ones I need to implement) as a reminder to myself. *24. Minimize Small Talk (make conversations deeper). *33. Travel (travel afar with someone near, travel with old friends, talk to other travelers, meet locals). *35. Emphasize Quality, not Quantity. *39. Express your affection (don't be afraid to tell friends how much the friendship means to you). *61. Don't keep score (do favors without anticipating anything in return).

[Debra · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit tedious at parts, especially when the senior Horchow is speaking.

what I really wanted to know was how to pursue deeper freindships. i seem stuck in a shallow mode. There were some good suggestions, but it the constant name dropping was a bit off-putting.

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a collection of 1 to 2 page essays telling you what to do to make friends. I'm the type of person who needs the "how" with diagrams and charts and step-by-step instructions, so it wasn't very useful for me.

[~☆~Autumn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not very helpful! I also got bored. Platitudes?

[Melissa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am giving this audio book a 2.5 star rating because while this book reminded me of the basics in making friends it also didn't take into one's personal accountability such as trust issues, environment (where you live, the populations etc) and it didn't take into accountability the fact that some people are on the borderline of the Autistic Spectrum.

This book made it seem like it was simple, cut dry and paste when it comes to making friends but it's not. I appreciate the helpful reminders this audio book did give me such as being a better listener, write down people's names and things that they like and dislike so that you can get to know someone better(plus it shows that you actually care about what they had to stay) and making time to connect with people as well as learning that different people in your life will take on different forms of communication.

[Galicius · Rating 2 out of 5]

The narrator Holter Graham is a professional reader but whenever the author Roger Horchow intrudes in with his very annoying frog baritone and constant name-dropping and bragging about his real estate possessions it's time to advance the reading. His co-author Sally's reading is pleasant enough but she's a name-dropper as well. Yes, and the 70 could be condensed to half that many.

[Jan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nothing profound - but very good to be reminded of taking time to do little things.

A great anecdote:

“My friend Dick Bass (now in his 70s) has travelled far and wide and had many adventures. His achievements include being the first person to climb the highest peak on each of the seven continents, as well as being the oldest person (by five years) to climb Mount Everest (at the age of 55.) He once told me a story of a plane ride, on which he sat next to a nice man who listened to him go on about the treacherous peaks of Everest and McKinley, the time he almost died in the Himalayas, and his upcoming plan to reclimb Everest. Just before the plane landed, Bass turned to the man sitting next to him and said, ‘After all this, I don’t think I’ve introduced myself. My name is Dick Bass.’ The man shook his hand, and responded, ‘Hi, I’m Neil Armstrong.’”

[Mary · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was ok but I am not an especially social sort of person so although the suggestions are good, I can't see myself making a lot of changes. I listened to it on CD and it was interspersed with readings and quotes read by Mr Horchow himself that made me want to turn off the recording. He is not a good reader.

[Liisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This value of this little book is that it encourages one to make more friends. Included are multiple ideas for doing this. Notably, no matter where one is, one should be alert to the possibility of friendships. Suggestions are made for get-togethers, party ideas, book clubs and similar milieux.

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t love this book while I was reading it... I found it to be a little annoying. I wasn’t a fan of the format and some of the anecdotes were a bit braggy. Regardless, I found myself thinking about bits and pieces of what I had read throughout my day, and I adjusted some of my behavior because of it. I guess the authors’ message got across!

[Weysan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Don't bother. Urgh. I thought there would be pearls of wisdom, instead, there was nothing but cliche advice one after another. It's meant for someone who isn't circulating themselves in society on a regular basis.

[Crystal · Rating 2 out of 5]

It could have been better.

[Crabbygirl · Rating 2 out of 5]

[guessing at the star rating / mining my old FB notes now that they are almost impossible to find]

at first this how-to bugged me - sounding too much like a business manual with its emphasis on how to make connections (lots of ways which seemed insincere. and what's the point of faking yourself in order to get a friend? that's not a real friend)

this father and daughter team seem to enjoy name dropping and they dropped alot. they've produced broadway plays, have worked for steven speilberg, and know folks in the white house... so maybe they owe their extensive list of friends to their backgrounds? they do sound gosh-darn exciting. heck, their friend (!) malcolm gladwell furnished a foreword to the book. man, i'd love to sit next to him at a dinner party...

so the new thing is 'hiving' - the social answer to nesting - where you invite people with common interests to your home to explore a lecture series, or movies, or games. you know i'm an introvert when the thought of organizing an event like this makes me a nervous wreck! but, on the opposite side of that, they also emphasized the deep satisfaction of one-on-one friendships, and gave ideas of how to keep older relationships fresh.

mostly i was awakened to how money plays into maintaining friendships: dinners or lunches, movies or broadway shows, yearly visits to far-flung friends, little gifts (but gifts just the same). no one seemed to just walk in the park, or heck! hang out at the mall. isn't that how we did it on the cheap when we were in our teens? reflecting on the money issue, i can recall many invitations i turned down over money concerns. who knew they were disguised friendship requests?

[Feng Ouyang · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book shares personal experiences and wisdom about how to make friends, how to keep friendships alive, and how to deepen friendships. The rules are reasonable and should be useful. However, nothing is earth-shattering. It is mainly just common senses.

[AisZunan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Filled with good tips for starting and maintaining a Friendship, but I think these methods are a bit old fashioned for youngster nowadays, while the author mentioning about emails, people already using ig, fb, and stuff right now.

But its good side read to get some new tips about friendships

[Marilyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

My favorite concept in here is the suggestion around expanding your friendship base by throwing a party, inviting your best friends, and having each of them bring someone you’ve never met before. Genius!!

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice little reminder on how to be a decent person and take other's feelings into consideration. Being someones friend doesn't make you an ass kisser.

[Slow Man · Rating 4 out of 5]

Be this the starting point to help we all to reconnect, make new connections and step outside and keep our door open so the sun will shine in.

[Joanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Cute little book with ideas on how to make and keep friends.

[Dan Dawson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lame.

[Angtburg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice reminders of how to be a friend and seek interesting people in your life.

[Monica Tessier · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

[Jeanette (Ms. Feisty) · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 stars

[V · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5

[Virginia Pulver · Rating 3 out of 5]

This quick read offers conventional advice on cultivating and nurturing friendships. The narrative reveals much about the author's age and lifestyle.

[Kevin Demel · Rating 1 out of 5]

I would characterize this book as a lot of opinions about how to improve your communication skills. But they didn't give any specific methods to practice.

[John Ryan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Simple book with ideas of friendship, mostly common sense. Poor choice for even vacation reading. But quick.

[Burt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this one in America’s Thrift Store over in Ocean Springs, Mississippi, for 50 cents. So, I gave it a chance. The Art of Friendship is a mini-book that one can finish without a major investment of time.

There are some good points, but too much of the advice is intuitive. The book would have been better if Horchow had used some academic research to back his assertions.

So, I’m glad that I read this one, but it’s going back to the thrift store.

[yiming · Rating 3 out of 5]

Content note: white cluelessness.

This book has some useful tips but is clearly written by people who are incredibly privileged. The suggestions to connect with people over "ethnic" food or by hosting a "Mexican-themed fiesta" or to connect a friend who collects pottery from a group of people by an archeologist who studies that group of people...yikes. Pretty racist, fetishizing / tokenizing, and all around appalling. The book was written in 2005 and is very dated. For example, it recommends connecting with people through social networking sites like Friendster. A lot of the ideas are based around letter writing, which I personally love. A lot of the ideas are fairly "common sense" but it was also helpful to see them all together. I originally started by reading the whole book, but ended up just reading the headlines to each section and the activity suggestion at the end. Skimming let me get through the book faster and reduced my level of boredom and annoyance that I was having before. A lot of the tips seen repetitive, so I do wish that they would have reduced the number of tips in the editing process. That said, I got some useful tips and ideas that I hope to use to build stronger friendships.